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Thomas had been acting weird all week. Well, not weird exactly. It was more like he was thinking really hard about something. He was constantly distracted, always wore a far away expression on his face and rarely participated in conversations. Frankly, it was getting on Newt’s nerves. He was done holding one-way “dialogues” at the breakfast table of their shared student apartment.
“Ok, Tommy, spill. What’s got you stuck with your head in the clouds?” he asked after Thomas had nearly walked into yet another door, too occupied with his thoughts to even notice. Now he looked up, seemingly confused at Newt’s question.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You’ve been walking around staring into space for a week! You don’t talk to anyone, you don’t pay attention in school. You barely seem aware that there’s anyone else in the room!”
“Well…” Thomas looked uncomfortable, one hand rubbing nervously at his neck. He tried to avoid Newt’s stern gaze. “You know, the Christmas party is coming up…”
“Yes, I know. That’s been all anyone has bloody talked about for the past month! What of it?” Newt’s patience was really running out at this point.
“And if I were to go with anyone, say for example Teresa…”
Newt scoffed. Not that he didn’t like Teresa, he just didn’t like her with Thomas .
“And I thought… I mean… I don’t know…”
“For God’s sake, Tommy, out with it!”
“I want you to teach me how to kiss!” Thomas blurted. Newt stopped, speechless, and blinked a few times while replayed that sentence in his head.
“I’m sorry, what?” He must have heard it wrong. That was the only explanation. There was no way in hell Thomas had just said-
“I said,” Thomas said slowly, but Newt could hear the nervousness sneaking into his tone this time. “I want you to teach me how to kiss. If I get caught under some mistletoe during the party I’m going to royally embarrass myself if I don’t know how to kiss a girl.”
A million thoughts swarmed around in Newt’s head, but the only thing he could think to say was, “Then why not ask a girl? Why me?”
Thomas' expression changed briefly but Newt didn’t have time to read before it disappeared. “I don’t know any girls other than Teresa.”
“What about Brenda?” Newt asked.
“And have a lovely meeting between my jaw and Gally’s fist? No thanks.”
Okay, true enough. Newt tried to think of any other girl, really just anyone. “Um… Rachel?”
Thomas made a face. “Ew, no way! I’ve known Rach since forever, she’s like a sister to me! How would you feel if Sonya-“
“OKAY! That’s plenty enough of that conversation!” Newt interrupted, gagging at the thought. “Thanks for putting that image in my head. I think I’m gonna need to pour bleach directly into my brain now.”
Newt sighed unnecessarily loud. This whole thing was starting to give him a headache, and the really nasty kind at that. He rubbed at his temples to try to relieve a bit of the tension, without much success. “So, no girls. Still, why me? Why not Minho? Or anyone?”
“No, that would be gay.”
“And kissing me wouldn’t be?” Newt raised an eyebrow. “Thanks for that insult.”
Thomas had suddenly become beet red, realizing he’d put his foot in his mouth. Again . And as usual when that happened he started rambling. “No! I didn’t- I’m- You’re not- Sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! It’s not like I see you as a girl, I don’t, promise! It’s just, Minho’s not gay, you know, so it’d be weird – right?”
At this point, Newt wasn’t sure he should be more offended or amused. “So because I’m gay you thought you’d ask me?”
“Uh… Kinda? Will you do it? Pleeease~!” And he’s back to looking stupid and cute and clueless. Thomas currently had what Newt called his ‘puppy look’ on. Newt always had the urge to give him everything when he looks like that. But no, not this time. He told himself that he wouldn’t give in on this. No way, not happening. So he promptly set his jaw and tried to look as firm and determined as he could.
“Find someone else,” he said. “I won’t do it.” And with that he turned and left for school, and if he drifted off in thoughts of the morning’s conversation at odd times during the day, no one mentioned it.
Of course, Newt should have known that wasn’t the end of it. It never was with Thomas. He took every “no” as a reason to try harder. The following three days were almost back to normal. Well, except for the fact that Thomas never stopped staring at Newt’s mouth! Seriously, that was all he looked at, and when Newt nervously licked his lips Thomas’ eyes followed his tongue, mesmerized. The whole thing was getting weird. Or annoying. Or tempting. Either worked.
They had just gotten back to the apartment complex and Newt was about to enter the port code when a freezing mass of wet goop hit him square in the back of his head. The snow quickly slipped down inside the collar of his jacket which made Newt let out a very high pitched screech. He turned around so quickly he almost lost his balance and saw Thomas doubled over, laughing so hard no actual sound even left his lips. Newt quickly bent down to scoop up a handful of snow and pressed it together into a hard ball before hurling it at Thomas’ head.
Thomas didn’t see it coming, and Newt was a very good shot, so the snowball hit its target dead on. Thomas stood straight up, mouth open to say something, but Newt had already prepared another snowball. This one hit Thomas in the face. He spluttered, but before he could get the snow out of his eyes and mouth, Newt had turned tail and started to run around the building. He managed to get pretty far thanks to the head start, but Thomas had always been faster. He caught Newt, tackling him to the ground, and trying to get another fistful of snow down his shirt. Newt tried to get away, rolling around, pushing at Thomas and laughing along with his friend.
They wrestled in the snow for a while and he eventually managed to turn them around so that he hovered above Thomas. With his legs Newt pinned Thomas’ arms to his torso, and held himself up with a hand on either side of Thomas’ head. And oh God, Newt was straddling him! His breath caught in his throat. Thomas continued laughing long after Newt had gone silent, but then he too stopped, looking back up at him.
Something stirred inside Newt, a heat that wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, but not something he should feel for a friend. He already knew that, at told himself that exact thing more times than he could count. He shifted slightly, but that was a mistake and a half because he managed to come in direct contact with Thomas’ groin. Newt almost flew up into a standing position and decidedly pushed away any thought of heat and hard and Thomas , and he hoped Thomas hadn’t felt Newt’s own reaction to their closeness. Because that was all wrong. Wasn’t it?
Thomas definitely wouldn’t want to know what he made Newt feel on a daily basis. Heck, he was going to go to the Christmas party with Teresa for goodness’ sake! Whatever reaction Thomas had towards Newt was purely because they had been physically close; Newt had practically had his ass against— Uhm... And all the talk of kissing hadn’t helped the situation none. Maybe… Maybe if he agreed to that they could both get those thought out of their heads. Just a quick kiss and Thomas would go on to date girls, and Newt… Well, Newt would have something to think back on every time his heart would hurt as he saw Thomas with a girl. At least he’d have had Something . And Something was better than Nothing. Right?
“Newt? You alright?” Thomas’ voice interrupted hiss scrambled thoughts, and he looked up to meet his friends’ worried gaze. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. No, nothing.” Newt squirmed, slightly uncomfortable. “Hey, Tommy…” Shit, how should he say this without making it awkward? Or, more awkward than it already was. “Uh… You know that thing you talked about the other day? The, uh, kissing thing ?” Way to go, dunderhead.
“Yeah?” Was Thomas blushing? It was his bloody idea, for heaven's sake!
“If you still want… y’know. I would- I mean, I don’t mind.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, why couldn’t he just spit it out?!
Thomas suddenly looked hopeful. “You don’t? You’ll do it?”
“Uh, yeah. I mean, it’s just a kiss, right?” Newt tried to sound more nonchalant then he felt, but his heart was pounding so loud he was sure Thomas would be able to hear it. “Well, let’s get inside and dry up first, yeah?”
Newt turned without waiting for a response and strode towards the door, and Thomas was hurrying to catch up. When they got into their apartment a weird silence lay between them and Thomas cleared his throat slightly. “I’m gonna go change,” he swallowed slightly. “And brush my teeth.”
Newt held in a chuckle at that. So, Thomas was nervous after all. And from what he had gathered this would be Thomas’ first kiss. Holy… And he wanted Newt to be his first kiss! A slight uncertainty coiled in the pit of Newt’s stomach as he went to his room to put on dry clothes. A first kiss wasn’t a big deal, not really. His hadn’t been, instead it had been a sloppy affair at a party when he had been too drunk to even register it. But Thomas’ first… If Newt got nothing else, he’d damn well make sure Thomas’ first kiss was better than his had been.
So therefore when Newt walked out into the living room, he dimmed the lights, put on some music in the background and even managed to find some tea lights that he arranged on the sofa table. Was that too corny? Should he put out the candles again? But before he could make a decision about that Thomas came out of his room and stopped when he saw the little scene Newt had made.
“Whoa… You did this for me?” he asked in a quiet tone.
Newt rolled his eyes. “No, I did it for Her Majesty the Queen. Didn’t I tell you she’s coming over?”
Thomas let out a short laugh. “Yeah, yeah, okay. It’s really nice though. Thanks, Newt.” His smiled dropped slightly and he shuffled his feet. “So… How do we do this?”
“Well, we can’t do a bloody thing if you’re gonna hide in the doorway to your room.” Newt tried desperately to not let Thomas see how fucking scared he was but as he walked closer Newt was almost certain that his thumping heart could be heard echoing through the room. Or maybe the pounding was just in his ears.
Time seemed to have slowed down, and Newt felt like he had molasses running through his veins instead of blood. He tried to tell himself that this wasn’t anything to be afraid of. It was just a kiss, for heaven’s sake! A simple bloody kiss! He had kissed before, so why should this be any different?
But it was. It was different because it was Thomas , his Tommy, and Newt had never before felt anything like what he made him feel.
Thomas stopped right in front of Newt, and his cheeks seemed to be a little flushed. Newt slowly raised a hand towards his face, cursing how much he trembled. Then Thomas took Newt’s hand in his before it reached its goal, likely in an effort to steady him. Not that it helped since Thomas’ hand was shaking just as much as Newt’s, if not more.
“What should I do?” Thomas whispered. He looked so unsure of himself, afraid of messing something up. Newt had to remind himself that this was for Thomas’ sake, to teach Thomas how to kiss. He gently pulled his hand from the now loose grip and continued his way to Thomas’ face.
Newt slowly stroked a line along his friend’s jaw as guided his head closer. “Just… follow my lead,” he said. Then he leaned in and closed the distance between them.
It was a short kiss, just lips pressing against lips. After only a short moment Newt pulled back slightly to gauge Thomas’ reaction. He didn’t freak out and he looked neither disgusted nor regretful. He just looked… stunned.
Thomas blinked once, twice, then it looked like he’d come to some kind of decision because he closed his eyes and chased Newt’s lips with his own.
This time the kiss was different. Deeper. More intimate. Newt slid his hands into Thomas’ hair and pulled him even closer, and Thomas’ hands found Newt’s waist and pressed their bodies flush against each other.
Newt nibbled on Thomas’ lower lip, making him gasp and the grip he had on Newt tightening momentarily. Their tongues met and parted, and met again to dance with each other. The temperature in the room seemed to have gone up several degrees. Somewhere in the back of his mind Newt recalled that he was supposed to teach kissing, not just enjoy it, but Thomas proved to be a quick study and the world fell away in ways it never had before.
He knew that he was getting more lost in the kiss than was probably wise, but he couldn’t even find it in himself to care when he felt Thomas’ hands as they found their way under his shirt. He’d wanted this for so long, goddamnit! He might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
Thomas lazilly stroked up Newt’s back, over his shoulder blades and back down again. One hand followed his waist around to his abdomen just as Thomas drew away from the kiss to attach his lips to Newt’s neck.
At first Thomas just pressed soft kisses into the smooth skin there, but then he opened his mouth slightly and licked a line up Newt’s throat to just below his ear. Thomas lightly bit down on his earlobe, and Newt wasn’t proud of the needy whimper he let out. God, Thomas was good at this. So, so good. You wouldn’t even believe it was his first kiss. His first kiss. Thomas’- The kissing lesson! The dance, Thomas’ date with Teresa. Fuck!
Newt abruptly pulled away and cleared his throat in an attempt to ease the awkwardness he suddenly felt. He didn’t dare to look into Thomas’ eyes. He was sure that if he did he’d see regret that everything had gotten so out of hand.
“Well…” Newt tried desperately to find something to say. “I think you’ll do fine at the dance. Now if you excuse me.” And with that he pushed past Thomas and hurried into his room, locking the door behind him.
The following two weeks was hell. Newt snuck around their apartment trying his very best to avoid Thomas at any cost. He listened by his door until he was sure Thomas was in his room or had already left, and only then we went out himself. If they crossed paths Newt looked away and almost ran past him. He knew, of course, that this was cowardly and that it didn’t make anything easier, but how could he possibly face Thomas? How could he look him in the eyes and pretend everything was just like normal, that nothing had changed? That he didn’t lie awake at night thinking back to their kiss and Thomas’ hands on him and his lips on his neck and wishing, dreaming that he hadn’t stopped it. How could they continue being just friends when Newt wanted so much more? But he couldn’t even think of them not being friends anymore either. So he did what he usually did. He ran from his problems.
It was hardest the few days right after the kiss. Thomas constantly tried to talk to him, knocked on his door for hours hoping to get in, stopping him when they met out in the kitchen, cornering him in school. But eventually Thomas gave up and the efforts to try to talk grew few and far between. It was a relief, but Newt also hated it. And he hated himself for pushing Thomas away, but he had no idea what to say to him - didn’t even know if they could talk without him breaking - and the more time passed the harder it got.
And so two weeks had passed. It was finally the night of the Christmas dance, and Newt had decided to hide at Minho’s rather than having to see Thomas get ready for his date with Teresa. The problem was that Teresa was also there, in Minho’s tiny one-room apartment.
“So, why aren’t you getting ready for the dance?” she asked him now as she was fixing her hair.
“I’m not going,” Newt answered. He had no desire to elaborate just why he didn’t want to go.
“He’s sulking,” Minho added in. “Shank’s hiding from his dear Tommy for one stupid reason or another.”
Newt felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. Fucking thank you Minho for telling everyone, especially Thomas’ bloody date! “Shut it, slinthead!” he hissed. “I’m not sulking, and I’m not hiding. Besides, Teresa, why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be meeting Tommy by now?”
Teresa shot him a confused look. “Eh, no? Why would I be doing that? I’m sure I’ll see Tom at the dance, but-”
“Because you’re his date to the buggin’ dance? Why the fuck else?”
At that statement Minho burst out into an obnoxiously loud laugh, and even Teresa chuckled along with him.
“I think you’ve misunderstood, Newt. I’m not going with Tom. I’m going with Minho. He asked me a month ago. Didn’t Tom tell you?”
Wait, what? Thomas wasn’t going with Teresa? Thomas had known for a month that Teresa was going with Minho. Thomas had asked Newt to teach him how to kiss because--- Oh, fuck. That idiot! That bloody stupid bastard! Or maybe Newt was the stupid one. He probably was. Thomas was as well, though, but at least they matched. And now Newt had to hurry.
He rushed out with barely even a “goodbye”, still with Minho’s wheezing following behind him. He straddled his motorcycle and he might have driven just a tiny bit faster than he probably should have. Ten minutes later he rolled up to their building. The light was off in the windows, but he still walked up the five floors to make sure that Thomas really had left already.
There was no one in the kitchen, nor the living room nor bathroom. Thomas’ door stood slightly open, so Newt could clearly see that it was just as empty of his flat mate as everywhere else. He even checked his own room, just to rule out any other options than the obvious one. Thomas had already gone to the dance, and Newt was about to make a fool out of himself in front of the whole school. Probably.
When he arrived at the school the dance was already starting up. Some people were already hiding out around the parking lot drinking, but most others were piling into the school gym. Newt tried his best to slink through the crowd as quickly as possible, but he was slowed down to the lazy crawl everyone else was moving in. Or maybe it wasn’t that slow really, but it felt like it took ages. All the while he tried to look for Thomas, but couldn’t see him anywhere.
The gym was packed, people sticking close to the walls and a few brave souls dancing a slow dance in the center or the room. Newt knew that as soon as something with a faster pace came on the dancefloor would be flooded again. Maybe he should wait to look for Thomas until then, when everyone was too occupied dancing to spare any interest in his groveling?
But no, karma had other plans for him, and he spotted Thomas almost immediately hanging by the punch bowls. Well then. Newt took a deep breath to steady his nerves and then crossed the room to where Thomas stood. He tried to look more confident than he really felt, but didn’t know if he managed it.
And then Thomas was right in front of him, his back still turned towards the whole room. Newt reached out and placed his hand on Thomas’ shoulder and the brunet swiveled around to see who was there. Newt saw his pupils widen slightly, but other than than he gave no reaction.
“I’m sorry,” Best to start with that right of the bat. “I’ve been a coward. I avoided you and hid from you rather than just man up and talk to you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Thomas nodded slowly. “No, you shouldn’t have. Was that all?”
“No!” Shitshitshit. “I mean, no. I… I was scared.”
“Scared?” Thomas raised an eyebrow quizzically, like he couldn’t for the life of him imagine a scenario in which Newt would be afraid of anything.
“Yeah.” Newt drew another deep breath. Well, this was it. “Because you told me you only wanted me to teach you how to kiss so that you could be prepared when you dated a girl. Speaking of which, dumbass, you knew the whole time that Teresa was going with Minho!” At this Thomas looked a bit sheepish. Busted. “And your dumb story made it awkward, because there I was thinking you wanted to date her and I didn’t know how to face you afterwards when I wanted so much more than just that one kiss. And I thought you didn’t.”
Newt stopped abruptly, his breathing coming a bit fast from this spew of words that he’d just thrown at Thomas, who was staring at him with his mouth hanging open. And god, if his stupid face wasn’t the most adorable thing Newt had ever laid eyes on!
“Sooo…” Thomas dragged the word out, sounding like he was still trying to figure out what everything Newt had said really meant. “You’re saying that you wanna kiss me again?”
“I’m saying that I like you, Tommy. And yes, I would very much like to kiss you again.”
Thomas’ broke into the widest and brightest of sunny smiles and he let out a short relieved laugh. “Oh, thank god! I thought I’d fucked everything up, what with you avoiding me and all.” He pulled Newt into his arms and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Newt circled Thomas’ waist with his arms and mirrored the action. For a minute they just stood there, breathing each other in and not caring that everyone could see them. Then Newt backed off and with a crooked smile he dragged Thomas along to another part of the room.
“What-”
Newt pointed up towards the ceiling. Above them hung a sprig of green tied with a red ribbon.
“If I remember correctly, you said something about kissing under the mistletoe. Ain’t that right?” Newt smirked.
Thomas laughed a little and then gave him a cheeky grin back before once again pulling Newt close. “Your memory is as good as always. So why don’t you help me fulfill that wish?”
“You’re reading my mind.” Newt leaned in, and right before their lips connected, he whispered, “Happy Christmas, love.”