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Riko-chan.
Rapid splashes of sneakers hitting the wet asphalt ground echo quietly down the almost empty street.
Riko-chan.
You feels the harshness of the rain pelting against her skin as the strong winds continue to push against her. She grits her teeth, undaunted, and continues to run with increased strength.
Riko-chan!
The muscles in her legs scream in protest yet You forces herself to keep moving.
Riko. She has to get to Riko.
Her ears seem to be ringing, her heart continues to pound too loudly against her chest and her lungs feel like they are going to burst from the exertion, but You persists on.
You had received a phone call from Riko half an hour ago, and Riko, who was in half-tears had only said her name once before cutting the call. Alarmed, You had immediately shot off her bed, stumbling over piles of unfinished costumes.
A quick call back had sent You to Riko’s voicemail and the ashen-haired girl felt her heart sink as worry began to crawl up within her. Another call to Dia - Riko’s roommate, confirmed that Riko wasn't in their room and that was when panic started to set in. Within the next few seconds, You’s instantly out of her dorm room.
It started to rain midway - it began with a slight drizzle before it got heavier, and by the time You finally reaches where she knows she’s able to find Riko, the ashen-haired girl is already soaked to her bones. Yet, it does not deter her. Her eyes scan the area quickly and soon enough, she finds a familiar girl with long burgundy hair standing by herself, head bowed down, as if in desolation.
A lone figure stands by the harbor.
She has no idea how long she had stood there but assumes that hours have passed by given how dark out it is right now, the streetlights already illuminating parts of the area. Yet, she doesn’t seem to care.
She continues to stare out into the sea, allowing the coldness of the pouring rain to numb her physical senses.
She had failed again.
This is the third time she had failed. Even though she had the support of her friends, family - people around her, she had once again let them down.
She thought she was able to do it - to finally pass the preliminaries-
I’m not good enough.
Riko starts to shake, swallowing back her tears as feelings of worthlessness threaten to engulf her. Why isn’t she able to do anything right? Why were her efforts not enough? Why...is she letting the people who believed in her down once again?
She should be able to pass - that’s what she tells herself.
The first time she failed, she wasn’t disheartened - there is always a next time.
The second time she failed, anxiety began to take root in her heart, and soon, it started to consume her slowly from within. It started off as small jitters each time she touched her piano, and during the recital, her nerves got better of her and she was unable to play. Once she took the stage, her heart had raced erratically as her palms turned sweaty, and her breaths became uneven.
And she had frozen. She felt claustrophobic with all the eyes on her and her trembling fingers hovered around the keys of the grand piano, the murmurs from the audience seem like they were mocking her.
She couldn’t do it.
Ever since that incident, she had spiraled and drowned herself in self-pity and self-hatred, and had been unable to touch the piano ever since.
And then she had met You.
By chance, she had met the outgoing and amiable girl who captured her heart, the girl with a smile that could instantly light up her whole world, the girl who had encouraged her to no end. You came into her life with a huge vibrant splash and had swept her off her feet.
You was there during her ups and downs, slowly breathing life into her dull days of avoiding piano after that incident.
The ace of the school’s diving team is someone who’s entirely different from her - There are times where You has doubted herself and bottles her feelings, but You’s always looking ahead, always has this kind yet cheerful grin that never fails to lift Riko’s spirits. It's these different sides of You that causes Riko to fall for the ashen-haired girl.
With You’s help, she’s able to pick herself back up again, regain her love for piano, and enters the recital for the third time - this time, with more confidence.
But she had failed again.
The encouragement and cheers from their friends before her performance echo in her mind and her breath hitches.
She had let her friends down.
The cheeky yet warm smile that You flashed her before Riko entered the hall crosses her mind and Riko feels fresh tears brimming in her eyes.
Most of all, she feels like she has let You down.
As expected, she’s by the harbor. You thinks to herself as she spots Riko. It’s a place that both of them like to go whenever they are feeling down, and despite the darkness, You’s able to make out Riko’s figure easily.
As she gets closer, her heart squeezes at the sight of her girlfriend’s shaking frame.
“Riko-chan.” You calls out, huffing to catch her breath. She’s sweating bullets, but under the rain, it doesn't really matter - she's still soaked from the downpour anyway.
Riko stiffens slightly when she hears a familiar voice calling her.
You stands next to Riko and silence envelops them. The ashen-haired girl notices how the other girl’s hands are trembling, and as much as she wants to pull Riko into a comforting and tight hug, she resists the urge to grasp those hands into hers, giving Riko some time to recollect herself.
“You-chan…” Riko finally croaks out. “I…”
The crack in Riko’s voice as she forces herself to say the next few words breaks You’s heart.
“I...failed.” A choked sob. “I-I’m sorry, I’m-” Riko sinks down, burying her hands against her face.
Useless.
You slides next to her girlfriend, gently wrapping her arms around the other girl, pulling her into an embrace. She shivers slightly at how cold Riko feels against her but ignores it, clutching the ends of the other girl’s soaked blouse with a hand; she gently runs a comforting hand down Riko’s back with the other.
“You did well, Riko-chan.”
“No, I didn’t! I-” Riko’s voice quivers some more as it grows higher with a hitch. “I failed you- I’ve failed you...Chika-chan and the others...my parents, tutor-”
You only hugs Riko tighter, the sounds of the rain drowned out in the background as the ashen-haired girl whispers, “You didn’t fail us.” You pulls away from her girlfriend, her hand reaching for Riko’s own.
Riko recoils slightly at the sudden unexpected warmth from the touch and shifts her position so that she’s facing You.
You lets her other hand glide along the pianist’s cheek, wiping her tears away with her thumb.
Under the dim streetlights, and after her eyes have adjusted to the darkness, You is now able to catch Riko’s expression - pained, bordering on suffering and self-loathing - it’s all too familiar to You, reminding her of how Riko was like when she first met her and the ashen-haired girl feels like her chest is going to burst from the pain. She swallows and steels herself, and then she allows her own expression to soften.
You continues kindly, “You’ve given it your best, you poured your heart and soul into the performance and it’s extremely frustrating that you lost. But...” You stares into the set of amber before her, her voice serious. “You didn’t fail us. All we could ask for - what we love is the Riko-chan who has given her all, the Riko-chan who has shined - borrowing Chika-chan’s words - on stage.”
“But everyone had expected me to win! Everyone was looking forward to it too-”
“We didn’t mean to put that expectation upon you,” You says, a hint of apology reflected in her eyes. She continues, her voice firm. “You are braver than anyone else I know- for taking up the same stage again. As long as you’re able to say that you have given your everything...no one blames you. And you shouldn’t blame yourself either.”
“How…” Riko’s voice comes out as a choked sob, barely audible. “...How can you still love me even when I’m such a failure?”
The vulnerability behind Riko’s words causes You’s chest to constrict. It hurts. It hurts to hear the girl she loves talking about herself like that. It doesn’t matter- whether Riko had passed or failed the recital, it doesn’t matter to You.
“You aren’t a failure.” You declares, “I love you the way you are- the Riko-chan who’s always trying her best, always by my side…Even if you didn’t pass the recital hundred times, you’re still you and I...” You takes a breath.
“I love you.” You states with conviction, unwavering, and covers Riko’s hands with her own. The ashen-haired girl then leans upward and places a chaste kiss against her girlfriend’s forehead. She hears a slight intake of breath from Riko.
“I love you, Riko-chan.” You repeats, peppering more small kisses along Riko’s nose, ear, cheeks, before she finally reaches her lips.
“You’re an amazing and beautiful person, who’s easily flustered but always so kind, earnest and courageous.” You pulls away from the pianist, locking her fingers with Riko’s. There are many reasons why You loves Riko, and she would gladly list them all - but she chooses to say the three words that are the most important to her.
“I need you.” You deals the final blow and Riko finds herself stunned into silence at how serious and heartfelt You’s words are.
Riko still has a torn look but she nods, albeit hesitantly. The dark glint of self-loathing has slightly dimmed, and You reaches out to her girlfriend.
“Look forward!” You pats the other girl’s head affectionately. “Full speed ahead- Yousoro!”
This manages to elicit a hint of smile from Riko.
She still feels frustrated, her failure still stings, and the sense of self-worthlessness still lingers in her heart. But with You around, she feels that maybe, she’s able to gather up her courage once again, and move forward once more. For now, she tries to shove unnecessary thoughts away in her mind, momentarily allowing herself to feel the present with You.
“It should be like this, right?” Riko raises a hand in salute, the ends of her lips cracking into a smile when she sees her girlfriend’s face light up, mirroring the salute.
“Riko-chan,” You’s voice is soft, yet there’s an underlying gentleness in her eyes, as she offers a tender smile, “Give me your hand for a second.”
Riko complies, extending a hand out. The smile on You’s lips widen as she pulls her girlfriend forward, running into a puddle of rainwater. You ignores the splash against her already wet ankles, concentrating on the girl before her.
“Y-You-chan?”
“Just felt like doing this,” is the only response You gives before she starts to twirl the burgundy-haired girl around.
“But it’s raining-” Riko protests half-heartedly, but doesn’t object.
“It’s fine, it’s fine! Besides, we’re already wet. I’ve always wanted to do this, like those we see on television you know?” You elaborates, as a broad smile crosses her features.
Riko’s throat runs dry at the sight and gets distracted momentarily by her girlfriend’s blinding smile, her heart skipping a beat. When You shoots her a questioning look, Riko flushes and shakes her head and just as she’s about to take a step forward, she feels herself slipping-
-and she lands on the puddle with a loud thud, inadvertently dragging You down with her.
Riko winces in pain, and color begins to drain from her face at how soaked and dirty her clothes have gotten.
“My...new pants…” Riko bemoans before her eyes widen, as if remembering something even more terrifying. “Dia-san’s going to kill me when I go back to the dorm room like this later.”
The girl in the same predicament in front of her only laughs, causing Riko to glare back incredulously.
“Idiot.” You teases lightly, still giggling.
“You're the idiot for falling too.” Riko shoots back good-naturedly.
“Well…” You grins cheekily before flashing a charming smile, “How could I let my partner fall alone? If we’re going to fall, we’re supposed to fall for each other.”
Riko only groans at the dumb pickup line but nonetheless, she feels as if something heavy has been lifted off her chest, and the ends of her lips twitch, before chuckles escape from her lips, and soon after, You joins in too.
Riko stands up carefully, and grimaces at the wet and dirty mess her clothes are in. You’s outfit too, met a similar fate. We’re really are a huge mess right now.
Riko ignores the continuous pitter-patter of the rain that's slowly letting up, and this time, she extends a hand out towards You expectantly. Surprise fleets across You’s expression before she lets out another joyous laughter.
You grins and takes the offered hand.