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“I’m breaking up with you.”
It sounded harder to say in Wonwoo’s mind. But he said it. The words dart at the man in front of him, Mingyu, standing in the middle of the living with blank eyes and hands in his pockets. When Mingyu doesn’t respond, Wonwoo repeats again.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
The second time is harder to say.
The water from the rain follows Wonwoo as a trail down the hallway, leading to his apartment. He presses the digits on the door lock, hearing a little click as it opens and he puts his soaked umbrella into the bin next to the shoe rack. It’s no use for an umbrella if he’s still gets soaking wet.
“Hey, you’re back- Oh, and you’re soaked.” Wonwoo hears Mingyu say when he walks into their living room and his boyfriend is rudely shirtless with nothing but a pair of washed out grey sweats. His said boyfriend then proceeds to let out a chuckle. “Go take a shower, babe, I’ll warm up some tea for you.”
Wonwoo nods and heads to the bathroom but not before Mingyu caresses his cheek and makes him turn to press a kiss onto the tip of his nose.
If someone had asked Wonwoo how it was like dating Kim Mingyu, the model student in the university, when Wonwoo is nothing but a mere shadow drifting through the halls, he wouldn’t know how to reply.
He tries to not let those comments and those looks get to him. He’s always been quite strong minded and stubborn; words can’t hurt him. He can let people call him a liar, he can let people walk out of his life, but he’s doing better than he ever was.
Because once he opens those doors, he knows Mingyu’s waiting for him at home. He knows Mingyu would greet him with a huge hug and a kiss to his forehead. Everything fades to nothing when Wonwoo looks at him.
The Mingyu who only smiles his handsome smile at Wonwoo, the kind of smile so wide his canine teeth stick out in glee. The Mingyu who would build little pillow forts whenever Wonwoo arrives home stressed and upset. The Mingyu who would rearrange plans to watch Wonwoo’s favorite comedy shows with him when it’s pouring rain outside. The Mingyu who would hold him tight every second, every minute.
“All warm now?” Mingyu asks when Wonwoo exits the bathroom, and sees the couch pillows on the floor built into a fort and Mingyu snuggling into the blankets. “I put on your favorite sitcom. You love the soundtrack to this one right?”
Wonwoo nods and goes to sit down in the fort, grabbing his hot tea along the way. He feels Mingyu’s arm slip behind his waist, pressing circles into his hip bone, and Wonwoo feels the heat building in his chest.
He likes this too much for his own good.
“Mingyu.” Wonwoo calls and Mingyu hums. “I’m breaking up with you.” Wonwoo says through the silence and his boyfriend hums again.
“Can you break up with me after the sitcom then? I want to enjoy the soundtrack.” Mingyu replies, turning up the volume to a fair level.
Wonwoo hums back. “Okay.” he says before burying into Mingyu’s body again.
It’s probably not normal to have more than half the entire university hate on you for dating their Kim Mingyu.
Kim Mingyu, the man who literally walked out of a fairytale. Someone as handsome and charming as him doesn’t need someone as boring as Wonwoo. He can’t give what Mingyu deserves. He can’t be the pretty cheerleader, or the beautiful model, or the famous idol. What he could only give Mingyu is boredom, silence, and regret.
At least, that’s what Wonwoo’s trying his hardest not to think. He knows Mingyu loves him and everything about him. But it’s hard to think like that when Wonwoo’s not really the most expressive in the love field, or any field at that.
He can be quite prissy, quiet, closed, and isolating. He knows that, he knows he’s super introverted, he knows he can’t be easily approached, so how can someone like him be in a relationship with someone like Kim Mingyu.
He’s a mere shadow, the little notes on his locker and books say. He plucks them off one by one, each of them hitting him harder than the last. He can feel the stares and the looks, but he has to be the mature one and stay silent and passive. It’s probably easier that way, so Mingyu doesn’t get hurt. He doesn’t deserve the talks and the looks.
But then there’s Mingyu, walking towards him through the halls, looking at nothing but Wonwoo. He doesn’t spare the others a glance, and his smile gets wider and wider at each step he’s taking to the older man.
“Hey,” Mingyu calls when he reaches Wonwoo’s locker with nothing but fondness in his eyes. “I bought us lunch.” Mingyu says happily, waving in front of Wonwoo the bag of food he had personally made for them. “Are you free right now?”
Wonwoo sees the other people from the corner of his eyes before meeting with Mingyu’s brown ones. “Um, no,” He says and Mingyu’s smile drops just a little bit. “I have some reports to take care of in the library. I’ll see you at home.” He says and Mingyu just nods with the saddest pout on his lips as Wonwoo leaves without a look back. He can hear the female students squealing towards Mingyu, asking him to eat lunch together and Mingyu, being the innocent and pure man who has never been able to say no to anyone, is dragged by them without having any say in anything.
When Wonwoo returns home at sunset, he sees the lunch boxes opened but untouched placed on the dining table, and a sleeping Mingyu sitting, head on his folded arms and snoring soundly. “Idiot,” Wonwoo whispers sadly to himself, brushing the stray hairs on Mingyu’s forehead.
He’s too good for him.
Mingyu wakes up with a yawn and he stretches before meeting Wonwoo’s eyes. “Oh god- you scared me.” Mingyu says, letting out a relief huff of breath. “You didn’t eat lunch right? It’s still here if you’re hungry.” He says with a smile.
Wonwoo swallows. “I want to break up.” He says and Mingyu’s stomach growls in response.
“Can you break up with me after we eat? I skipped lunch and the food is getting cold.” Mingyu asks with a pout, holding his stomach in hunger.
It’s already cold, Wonwoo wants to say, but his stomach growls too and he sits down across Mingyu to eat.
“How do I look in this?” Mingyu asks, spinning as he comes out of the fitting room. He looks at Wonwoo for an answer, who’s tapping his finger against his chin as he examines his tall boyfriend. “No good?” Mingyu whimpers and Wonwoo laughs.
“No good? That shirt? On a Kim Mingyu? Never,” Wonwoo teases, patting his boyfriend’s chest. “It looks great on you. But maybe just a size larger. We don’t want your muscles ripping through a brand new shirt, don’t we?” Wonwoo says as he holds the same shirt with the larger size to Mingyu and hums. “There. Perfect.” He says and sees Mingyu brightens into a smile. Just like you, Wonwoo thinks.
They leave the mall after their purchase and Mingyu takes them to the nearby ice cream shop, ordering himself a chocolate cone and Wonwoo a vanilla one with sprinkles because it’s always been his favorite. “You got a little something here,” Mingyu says as he leans in and kiss the nonexistent ice cream off of Wonwoo’s lips. “There, all gone.”
Wonwoo would be lying if a hard blush didn’t creep onto his cheeks. “Just use your thumb next time, dumbass!” He shouts and Mingyu laughs because then what fun would that be?
They walk hand in hand, enjoying their treats and Mingyu waves their linked hands back and forth. “This is so nice,” Mingyu says through the summer weather, “just being with you, that is.”
Wonwoo doesn’t respond, instead shoves his ice cream down as the lack of response. He feels the hold on his hand tighten and soon he’s pulled closer into Mingyu’s side. The burning feeling in Wonwoo’s chest returns. “You make me so warm, Won.”
“It’s summer, you idiot.” Wonwoo response coldly but Mingyu shakes his head and the older doesn’t comprehend when Mingyu brings Wonwoo’s hand flat to his chest and closes his eyes at the touch.
“No, not that kind of warm.” Mingyu explains, opening his eyes to stare into the other. “A happy warm.” He says.
There’s a moment of silence before Wonwoo lets out a sigh and quietly whispers, “you make me warm too…” He says and sees Mingyu smile before the younger proceeds to lean in for a kiss.
Wonwoo feels his heart burning, in the best way possible. He hates it whenever Mingyu does this kind of stuff to him, how hates how Mingyu makes him feel.
But he loves it.
And yet, he can’t show the same way back to the person who’s only had eyes for him.
“Let’s break up.”
“How about we buy some crepes first then you can break up with me.” Mingyu says, already fishing out his wallet. “I’ll pay.”
If there’s ever a time when Wonwoo is super stressed, he’d say it’s whenever Mingyu parents come to visit. Don’t get him wrong, they’re very nice people who treat everyone well, but Wonwoo being the Wonwoo he is, has a slight feeling Mingyu’s parents don’t like him as much as he wants them to.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim are the type of parents who are super proud of their son. Who wouldn’t be proud of their model son? Their son is extremely handsome, knows how to work his charms, can literally fix and repair anything, can good better than professional chefs, and not to mention his puppy personality and funny humor.
And being that said son’s boyfriend, Wonwoo knows he’s not good enough. He knows this ever since the first time he was introduced as Mingyu’s boyfriend. Sure they’ve been friends for as long as anyone can remember, but Wonwoo thinks that Mingyu’s parents had expected, you know, someone better than him?
“I’ll go get the tea.” Wonwoo says to Mr. and Mrs. Kim before excusing himself from the living room and quickly dashing to the kitchen. The tea isn’t ready, but he just needed to get out of there and out his thoughts before he officially explodes.
He hears Mingyu talking about his career and future goals to his parents. He’s always been a boy with numerous dreams. And being Mingyu, he could probably accomplish anything he wants to, especially with the support of his parents, and with so many friends in his life, loneliness has never been familiar with him.
The last time Wonwoo’s parents had contacted him was sometime last year; he doesn’t remember. He texts his younger brother sometimes, up until his brother got busy studying in the medical field and the texts stopped. No older brother wants to interrupt their younger sibling’s studies. His parents are probably proud of his younger brother. They’ve always wanted their son studying medicine, too bad Wonwoo fell in love with books instead.
It’s scary to think if he’s ever good for anyone. It’s scary to think about the future, how people already know what they want to do in life and are already accomplishing so much.
It’s scary to think how someone as perfect as Mingyu is with someone as lost as Wonwoo. He’s not broken, but he’s hopeless. He’s not as strong has he thinks he is, and he needs Mingyu to know that, to know that he’s holding Mingyu back, that Mingyu could be so much better without someone like him.
“Babe? Babe? Wonwoo?”
Wonwoo snaps out his thoughts to see Mingyu hovering over him with a concerned look in his eyes. He’s holding him by his shoulders, trying to see if the older is okay. “The tea’s done,” Mingyu says lowly when he feels Wonwoo had returned back to reality.
“Oh, right…” Wonwoo replies just as lowly and dismisses Mingyu’s worried look. “I’m fine.” Wonwoo says.
But he isn’t.
“Mingyu, we need to break up.”
“When my parents leave we can,” Mingyu says, “I was just telling mom you’re writing a romance novel and she’s just dying to read it. I’ve never seen her so excited since the time I fixed her car.” He pecks Wonwoo’s temple. “Also, you forgot the mugs, silly.” He flashes the older his puppy smile before reaching above him to get the four mugs, two plain, one puppy printed and the other kitten printed, onto the tray. “There. All good now, right babe?”
Wonwoo gives a small smile. “Yeah, all good.”
“What do you think we’ll be doing in like, ten years?” Mingyu asks one sleepless night, staring up at the ceiling when they’re in their bed, trying to sleep with the summer heat and broken air conditioner. He turns to Wonwoo and waits a moment before whining when Wonwoo doesn’t turn to look at him. “Babe~”
“I am trying to sleep.” Wonwoo hisses and Mingyu chuckles.
“What’s the rush? Classes are finally over and we have all summer to sleep.” Mingyu says and Wonwoo finally turns to him with a huff, his arm folded in between his head and pillow. Mingyu mimics the posture, smiling at his fox eyed boyfriend. “Where do you think we’ll be in ten years? Paris? Japan? New York?”
Wonwoo doesn’t answer the question. Ten years? Why is Mingyu thinking so far ahead, how is he sure that they’d be even together in ten years?
“I don’t know…” Wonwoo answer quietly and Mingyu hums before closing his eyes.
“I think we’d still be here in Seoul.” Mingyu replies with his eyes still closed, as if picturing themselves in ten years. “But after we’ve traveled around the world. You said you always wanted to go the New York and I always wanted to go to Paris. Then we’d come back here, in a new apartment, living our life as usual.”
Wonwoo listens to Mingyu’s thoughts. The heat in his chest is back and it’s filled with mixed emotions. Mingyu expects them to still be together in ten years? How does he think like that?
“You’d still be with me in ten years?” Wonwoo doesn’t realize he had whispered that clearly and it’s too late to take a back.
But Mingyu just stares at him and smiles, a hand coming up to brush the hair out of Wonwoo’s eyes. “Of course. I’d be with you for ten, twenty, thirty, fifty, hundred years.” He whispers back. “I just want to be with you. Whether we have children running around the house, or if it’s just us living together old and grey, if I’m with you I’m happy.”
“You’d never break up with me?” Wonwoo asks.
Mingyu shakes his head. “Never.” he says and seals it with a kiss.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
It sounded harder to say in Wonwoo’s mind. But he said it. The words dart at the man in front of him, Mingyu, standing in the middle of the living with blank eyes and hands in his pockets. When Mingyu doesn’t respond, Wonwoo repeats again.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
The second time is harder to say.
But Mingyu doesn’t budge, instead he smiles brightly before taking careful steps towards Wonwoo. His hands are still in his pockets and he doesn’t try to take them out to hug the older.
“Are you sure about that this time?” Mingyu asks.
Wonwoo stands there. Quiet. He stares down at the floor. Is he sure? Does he really want to lose Mingyu? Does he want to lose the pillow forts, the lunches, the ice cream, the ten years into the future?
Maybe it’s because he loves Mingyu so much that he does this. The heat in his chest, it’s a fire built by Mingyu to keep him warm. He doesn’t want to lose that fire. He loves Mingyu and he wants his name engraved into his heart, not because Mingyu owns him, but because Mingyu knows him. And he knows he makes the same mistakes, he has the same thoughts, and he messes everything up every time but Mingyu would always be there to pick up his broken pieces, to mend his heart back together, to light up the fire in his chest.
He shakes his head, not knowing when the tears had already started falling down his face and Mingyu finally pulls him into his arms, pressing a kiss on the crown on Wonwoo’s hair. “You know you don’t have to go through this alone.” He says softly, swaying the both of them back and forth comfortably. “Every time you break up with me, just know that I’ll always want you even more. You, Jeon Wonwoo, who knows me better than anyone does, who lights up my world more than any sun does. If you want to break up and we’ll break up. But just know that no one else is as perfect for me than you are.”
“You’re not broken.” Mingyu continues. “You think you are, but you’re not. You think you’re lost but you’re not. You think you’re alone but you’re not. You think you’re not enough for me but you are. You are more than enough for me. And I will always do my best to make you smile and make your little nose crinkle the way it’s supposed to.”
Wonwoo cries into Mingyu’s chest. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Mingyu says and pecks Wonwoo’s forehead. “Now let’s make our little pillow fort again, shall we? I’ll pour us some tea and we can watch our favorite sitcom and then you can read me your novel. I want to know what happens to Maria after she finds her true love.”
Wonwoo smiles, his nose crinkles. “Of course. Maria-”
“No spoilers!” Mingyu whines and Wonwoo laughs again.
“Of course, no spoilers.” Wonwoo says as he lets Mingyu lead him into their pillow fort and snuggles into Mingyu’s side.
He feels the fire in his chest, and this time Wonwoo knows, that even though he will always have those thoughts in his head, that he will always have his hard times, at least he did one thing right, to let the fire in his chest keep burning on.