Work Text:
So, there was that word again; Auspisticism. What the hell was that.
John was trying with all his soul to understand the troll romance, but that shit was too complicated. What even was Auspisticism? He couldn't know, & he thinks that he wouldn't know unless he ask someone to teach him, everyone was okay, everyone but Karkat.
The first person that came to Johns mind was Kanaya, the vampire troll, or, at least, he liked calling her like that, it sounded epic.
& there he was, in front of the jade blood girl house, &, of course, Rose's house. They moved together when they married, & all he know was that they were living a very fluffy and happy life together, S.A.P.
He took out his tongue and he make a disgust face., He couldn't be near of the two of them when they were together, they were just too much for him to handle with, & Rose didn't want him to be near them, for two simple reasons that John still didn't understand; he was an annoying bastard & he was jealous of them.
Yes, maybe he was jealous, maybe he wanted a relationship to be fluffy all the day & just act all sappy the entire day. The thing was that he couldn't act like a normal person in front of the person that he liked, he just said the first thing that came into his mind & screamed to him. Please remark that word; HIM.
Yes everyone, John fucking Egbert was in love with a man. His entire speech about "I'm not homosexual" was on the floor by know, & he knew it, but he didn't want other persons to know it, specially Dave.
That Motherfucker was just too much gossip than the old lady that lived near him back in the earth, & he just didn't want Dave to let Karkat know that John was in love with him, because it couldn't be someone else, it had to be Karkat Vantas.
When he cut the trails of his thoughts he notices that he was already in the girls house, sitting in one of the colorful sofas & sipping a cup of tea that probably Kanaya did, because it was delicious & only Kanaya's tea was delicious.
-&? Why are you here John? I thought that you were going to study the alternian therms because you wanted to impress some moody troll.
Rose was amused with his suffering, he knew it, & in some point of his life he was going to take revenge of this moment, maybe he would do copies of her diary or her wizard histories, but now he wanted to talk to Kanaya & didn't had time to make the perfect revenge to Rose.
-i want an advice.
Kanaya looked at him & then looked at Rose, questioning if John was okay. Rose didn't say anything & just smirked leaving the two of them alone to let them talk.
-What Do You Want To Know? Is Something I Can Help With?
John nodded & looked at the cup of tea a bit nervous. Very nervous. He didn’t know how to explain to Kanaya that he wanted to learn the alternian romance to impress Karkat. Because, c’mon, Kanaya was Karkat’s moirail, she was surely going to tell him what were Johns intention, & that would be awful.
-So… What Can I Do For You John? Is Something Relationed With Karkat?
Wow. Right now how did she do it? Did she read his mind or what? John stared at Kanaya thinking about how much he liked Nicolas Cage, hoping that maybe the girl would guess what 4he was thinking & she would say it out loud, but Kanaya just stared at him, waiting for himt to explain what was going on in his head, but once again, John was still unsure if he wanted to risk his precious secret just for a little of help, he could learn, he could research, he could…
-what is Auspisticism?
Kanaya looked at him surprised, why John was aware of that word, it was one of the aspects of the troll romance, of the complicated troll romance, he shouldn’t even know how to pronounce that word. The question was unexpected for Kanaya, she didn’t know how to answer to the boy who was looking at him with expectant eyes & desperate expresion, just if that information was the most important one in his life, just if he couldn’t continue living if he didn't know what Auspisticism was.
-Sit With Me John, I Will Explain Everything To You.
The boy nodded & tried to reduce his nerves, he trusted Kanya, if he didn’t, he was dead.
His head was a mess of words, just like before but now with much more information in it, better. He spended two days with Kanaya, learning the troll vocabulary & the steps to form a solid troll romance, he learnt all the quadrants & all the meanings of every word that appear in those weird troll movies. He was ready, Kanaya teached him all the things she knew, & that wasn’t few information.
He looked at the sky & smiled, thinking of what he would do next. He should go to Karkat, maybe use some of the vocabulary that he just learn & surprise Karkat. Though, he wasn’t sure how he was gonna react after listening to John, maybe he wasn’t in love with him, although of the Speech that Rose gave to him about all the time Karkat spended looking at him, he was unsure, he didn’t want to throw away the friendship he build with him, but he was tired of being just a friend.
-for fuck sake john, wake up, ive been calling you for near ten minutes, i dont have all my live to give you dude.
John snapped back to reality, Dave was in front of him holding Jade’s hand. They were both looking at him with curiosity, well Dave wasn’t curious, he was just a dick.
-in which karkat world were you today egbert? you seem very off
John sighs at the words of his friend. Karkat world? He didn’t have something like that. He just thinks, slowly, about Karkat, about how would be to be with him all the day, & that would be fine, soooo fine.
-Are you okay John?
The Egbert boy looked at his ectobiological s just nodded at her & smiled.
-yeah, i’m fine. i just been in the lovely dovely house & i think i have a heart in my eye.
John rubbed his eye as if he was removing something in there. Jade giggled & Dave smiled amused. He was sure his friend was jealous of the two girl, & that he wanted to be like that with his beloved Karkat (the boy had the world “karkat” written in the ass), all things said, Karkat liked John back. Yeah i’m sorry for the spoiler people, but if this scaredy cat he has like friend confesses to Karkat, he was going to hit him & say yes, almost surely.`he was going to be embarrassed as hell, but he liked back his asshole friend. But, John wasn’t supposed to know that he knew he liked Karkat. It was a “secret” of his.
-& why were you in Roses & Kanaya’s house?
Well, fuck.
What was going to tell John know? That he was there for troll romance education? Hell no. That would be the end for him, He has to come with some excuse. SOme idiot excuse that they couldn’t confirm in Kanaya’s house, something trivial… wait, trivial.
-i was playing trivial with them.
Dave wanted to punch him so bad. He was thinking how will be to put his bunny teeth off his face. He surely was going to look funny without them. But, he was a pacifist (no shit viewers, i'm a pacifist) & he wanted to help his friend, so he just made what it had to be made.
-get your ass to karkat's house & say you like him for the love of god. -Jade & John looked at Dave with a surprised face. Dave just pushed Jade to keep with their date while he placed his hand in her hip.- don't lose the opportunity egbert!
John just looked how the two of them leave him alone on the street. Dave knew he liked Karkat. But how? (maybe because you keep watching him like you want him to eat you). For how long did the Strider know his feelings ? & why didn’t he took any opportunity to laugh his ass off him?
He didn’t know, & he didn’t want to either.
He didn’t move of the spot where Dave & Jade left him, he was still thinking, should he tell Karkat with naturality that he loved him, loved him. It is such a strong word for two idiots like them, too strong. How should he begin with? “Hi Karkat, i’ve been thinking on you since we were inside of the game that aniquilated our world, wanna date?”
No, he wasn’t going to do that, it was pathetic & he didn’t want to embarrass himself more.
The poor Egbert boy walked to the grey boy’s house. he wanted to tell him the truth, & he was gonna try, he just hoped not to be kicked out of the house and with a restriction in his ass. No certainly he didn’t wanted that for himself. He just wanted a cool alien boyfriend with bad humor & moody. He didn’t want a restriction. & he wasn’t gonna have it.
He just sighed & look at the house of his crush, more than a crush to be honest, my gawd, the boy just used the word love just 3 paragraphs above, you guys can find it & shove it on this boys face for him to understand it.
Karkat didn’t like the other boy to knock the door, he told him to enter & call his name because he was too lazy to get up of the couch & receive him at the door. But when John was in the other house Karkat was never in the couch, he always was in the kitchen or in the roof.
This time he was in the roof, eating something that he couldn’t recognize as human food. He watched the others back & though what he was gonna tell him, & how. If he didn’t shove him off the roof it was gonna be a good answer, if he was gonna do it, well, he did live a good life.
-YOU’RE GONNA STAY THERE ALL THE TIME EGBERT?
The other boy voice surprised him & he just approached to him slowly looking around for potential ways to get out of that roof, there was none, unless he went back from where he entered.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-i wanted to talk to you about some things.
Karkat looked at him with curiosity in his eyes & hummed for the youger boy to continue talking.
-well, you know, today i spent all the day with kanaya. wich was cool & all, she even gave me cookies, you know that cookies that she made that have the form of all your lusus.
-THE POINT, JOHN. GO TO THE POINT.
-yeah, right, the point. well, i was eating that delicious cookies, i think it was arthour, when i saw your lusus cookie, crabdad it was right?
Karkat nodded & continued eating what was on his lap. He wasn’t understanding what john was trying to say to him. The boy was strange.
-well when i saw crabdad i thought about you, not in a weird way, like you as a cookie & me eating you... that didn't sound well at all. i mean, i thought about you, like in a friendly, no that even friendly way.
Karkat wasn't listening at him, he was annoying with the cookies thing, so he just nodded & hummed from time to time & continued eating his food.
-so, what i was trying to say is that i like you, but, like a lot. i was in kanaya’s house learning some of your weird language just for me to understand you a bit more.
Karka use that moment to go back listening to John. He looked again at him with an incredulous face.
-WHAT SHIT DID YOU SAY RIGHT GUCKING NOW, JOHN FUCKING EGBERT?
John trembled & standed up trying to put distance between Karkat & him, but Karkat was standing too & was walking to him.
-don’t kill me. i’m too young to die.
-WHAT? YES, I’M GONNA KILL YOU. RIGHT NOW & RIGHT HERE, SO CLOSE YOUR EYES BECAUSE IS GONNA BE PAINFUL, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.
John did what Karkat say, he waited & waited for some pain to appear but he didn’t felt anything, so he just opened his eyes again just to see a small message in the floor written with that weird as fuck food of Karkat.
“BE MY MATESPRIT ASSHOLE.”
John ginned & went down to the house to search for Karkat.
Well, it didn’t go that bad.