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“I don't think I can do it anymore.”
Kaworu opens his eyes slowly, still feeling the heaviness usually associated with sleep.
“What, Shinji?” he slurs, propping himself up on an elbow to ensure he doesn't fall back to sleep.
He almost has the urge to reach over and flip the switch to the star-shaped fairy lights that Kaworu insisted on hanging around the room. ( So , he had insisted to Shinji last August, slightly tipsy and slurring minimally, I can see how beautiful you are in starlight even when it's not summer .) But he figured Shinji wouldn't really like that. So he doesn't. Instead, he turns over in the bed - not cramped, but definitely cozy with the two of them - and meets Shinji’s back. His boyfriend is curled inward in an extremely loose rendition of the fetal position. Over his shoulder, the analog clock reads 3:30 AM in red angry letters.
“University,” he shudders, his shoulder blades shifting underneath skin. “It's just… too much.”
Kaworu hums and scoots even closer, but not close enough to make physical contact, just in case, but close enough for Shinji to feel his waiting presence. It was up to Shinji if he felt comfortable enough to scoot into Kaworu’s open arms. He knew something had been up earlier, when Shinji had come in from his last final looking like a zombie, barely said four sentences to Kaworu, and trudged off to bed, sleeping until Kaworu brought him take out. They had stayed there, curled together watching cartoons until Toji had barged into their little apartment and demanded to know why they weren't at Asuka’s end of the semester party. They had both been reluctantly dragged and Shinji had been more quiet than usual, which was quite the feat in itself, as he generally tended to be a wallflower.
But that was fine with Kaworu; he’d follow Shinji to the moon and back if he had to.
“Do you want to stop?”
“But, um if...if I quit, I'm probably going to have to move back home.”
Gendo is paying for everything, Kaworu knows from previous late night conversations. Half of this apartment, Shinji’s tuition and books. It isn't as if they don't work, of course. Kaworu has a job with the universities library - that's how he first met Shinji in the first place. And Shinji works now and then too, outside of the university. It would be challenging, but it's not like they would be completely helpless if Gendo rescinds everything. Kaworu tells Shinji this.
“We wouldn't have to leave necessarily. Not unless you want to.” Kaworu still has classes - still has ambitions - but there's other universities out there and only one Shinji Ikari. “If you decide to drop out and want to leave, you can. If...if you want me to come with you, I will. If you drop out and want to stay, we’ll be alright, in the end. We’ll think of something.”
Shinji shudders out what sounds like a sob, his shoulders tensing before he finally lets himself scoot closer to Kaworu. Kaworu takes no time to wrap his arms around Shinji and hold him close. He's not crying, but Kaworu thinks he might be close to it.
“I'm just… so tired. Nothing seems to be going right! It's just too much. And if I do, things will get even harder. I just...can’t handle it anymore.”
Kaworu kisses the back of his neck; in one gesture, it is both intimate and inherently innocent, a sign of comfort. “I’m here for you, Shinji. You had a lot on your plate the past few months, you’ve done so great.”
“I… I guess.” Shinji doesn't sound like he believes his boyfriend, but snuggles closer anyways.
He stays awake, listening to Shinji vent when he feels like it, until he succumbs to sleep once again, but in Kaworu’s arms this time.