Archive of Our Own ^beta

“The lotus flower is a reminder of the beauty that comes from change,
the magic that a new beginning brings, and the seed of potential
that’s buried in the most unlikely places.” – J.W.

It’s not exactly unusual for Kyungsoo to be up at twenty-three minutes past four in the morning. He’s often used to the early beginnings of daylight, the soft morning glow peeking through his blinds. The start of birdsong resonates throughout the apartment, like sweet background noise to accompany his work. He works best at this time, when the city is quiet, and the sounds of distant chatter and exhausts aren’t breaking through his tranquillity. The click-clacking of his keyboard is like a rhythm keeping him on track, his own exhausted sighs serve as a reminder that he should probably sleep soon, which he promptly ignores.

It is unusual however, for his phone to start ringing at twenty-three minutes past four in the morning. The generic ring ring of his ringtone startles Kyungsoo so much he jumps in his seat. He looks at his phone for a couple of seconds, as if it’s some kind of alien life force that he’s never seen before, eyes wide, shocked.

He picks it up, warily. “Hello?” he mumbles, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

The last person he’d spoken to was twelve hours ago when he ordered his pizza from the place down the road. They know his order by now and he’s not sure whether he should be ashamed or not.

The call is from his mother.

I’ve been admitted to hospital, Kyungsoo. Broken leg, fractured arm. Just a small fall down the stairs. You need to come and look after your niece, okay? She’s sleeping now but she’s scared.

Kyungsoo doesn’t even change his clothes. He locks his laptop, grabs his keys from the hook by the door, and races to the hospital in blue checkered pyjamas. He knows he must look ridiculous but at this point (or any other point for that matter) he doesn’t particularly care.

The man at reception, a twelve-year-old looking boy with shaggy hair and thick, brown-rimmed glasses doesn’t bother to look up from his computer when Kyungsoo stops dead in front of the desk.

“Do? My mother was admitted a couple of hours ago,” he says, a little out of breath from running from his car to the hospital entrance.

The man-child stops playing solitaire and opens another tab on his screen.

“Relation?”

“Son.”

“Room 117.”

Kyungsoo murmurs thanks and follows the signs that lead him to the correct corridor, albeit a little too fast so he’s out of breath once more before he opens the door to his mother’s room.

His mother looks frail. She’s sporting a big, freshly made cast on her left arm which matches the one on her left leg. Her eye on the same side is deep purple and blue and there’s fresh stitches above her eyebrow.

Kyungsoo wants to cry.

“Did you run a marathon before you arrived, Kyungsoo? Sit down!”

Kyungsoo shrugs, follows orders, and ignores the fact his mother is still bossing him around even after suffering through her fall.

“A hello would have been nice,” he responds, dropping into the seat next to her bed and taking her hand. She squeezes it softly and rubs her thumb across his palm to calm him.

“You shouldn’t have raced here,” she says in hushed tones, careful not to wake up the sleeping toddler in the corner. The amber glow of the streetlight outside accentuates her bruises and tears prick at the back of Kyungsoo’s eyes, daring to spill over. “We’ve been well-looked after. Sooyun is okay too, she’s not hurt. You need to take her for a bit while I get better and I get my strength back.”

Kyungsoo nods. “I’ve never looked after a child before,” he says, almost childlike.

His mother laughs. “I’m only a phone call away, Kyungsoo. I trust no one else to take care of her, but you.” She looks him up and down. “Did you really not dress yourself before rushing here?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Is now the time to critique my clothes? You’re wearing a hospital gown.”

Kyungsoo stays a while, guilt prevalent in his mind that this is the first time they’ve had a proper conversation in a while and it took her falling down the stairs for them to catch up. Sooyun stirs around five, and she emits a small whine when she realises she’s not in her bed. She’s wearing the soft, pink onesie that Kyungsoo had bought her this past Christmas after asking his manager Junmyeon “ what do babies even wear?” She looks cute, sleepy and adorable and it pulls on Kyungsoo’s heartstrings.

“Go,” Kyungsoo’s mother says, yawning. “Go to her.”

Kyungsoo gets up awkwardly. Walks over to Sooyun awkwardly. Kneels in front of her awkwardly. “Hello Sooyun-ah, it’s Uncle Soo. You’re staying with me for a while until grandma gets better, is that okay?”

Sooyun’s blinks are slow and heavy as she clutches onto the small white pillow she was cuddling in her hands while she slept. She doesn’t move or say anything and just kind of … stares.

Kyungsoo is at a bit of a loss.

He looks back towards his mother who looks to be on the verge of sleep. “I don’t know how to look after a child,” he says simply as he picks up a silent Sooyun.

He grabs the pillow with his free hand so Sooyun has something comforting to hold onto. He hopes the hospital doesn’t mind them stealing the pillow.

His mother smiles fondly. “Does anyone?”

Sooyun whimpers quietly against his neck, too tired to truly take in her surroundings.

He’s doomed.

It’s fully daylight by the time he gets back to his apartment, thankful that the hospital was kind enough to lend him a car seat, so he could drive Sooyun back safely. Once in the apartment, Kyungsoo places her down onto his navy sofa, grabs the black, fluffy blanket from the arm rest and situates it over her gently so she’s comfortable, and warm. She falls asleep peacefully, not quite ready to face the day yet. Kyungsoo finds that very relatable.

6:30.

6:45.

Chapter nine, still unwritten.

Sooyun stirs.

Kyungsoo kind of feels bad for her. She’s been sleeping in three separate places over the past six hours and each time she’s woken she’s been in a new place. So sure, he understands the panic etched onto her face as she wakes up and takes in her new surroundings. Sure, he understands her tiny whines as she clutches onto the blanket for comfort. But when she starts crying, Kyungsoo’s mind goes completely and utterly blank.

“Oh my god. Sooyun-ah, it’s okay! Uncle Soo is here!”

Sooyun, somehow, cries harder, and Kyungsoo most definitely takes that as an insult.

“Would you like some breakfast?” he asks her, mentally searching through his almost-bare cupboards for anything and everything he can give a two-and-a-half-year-old child.

He settles on cereal.

He hopes it isn’t out of date.

Sooyun nods weakly. Tears are still streaming from her eyes as Kyungsoo picks her up to carry her to his kitchen and gently places her on the counter. Keeping a close eye on her, he fixes her a bowl of rice puffs.

“Am I supposed to feed you?” he asks Sooyun, fully expecting her not to reply because she’s a tiny child. He wishes he’d googled how to look after a child beforehand, but when the worry of your mother’s health is at the forefront of your mind that kind of research kind of flies out the window along with your common sense.

Sooyun doesn’t respond, but her lip wobbles with worry so Kyungsoo takes matters into his own hands and dips the spoon into the cereal for her and holds it out for her to take herself.

“Sooyun-ah I know you’re scared,” Kyungsoo begins, hoping that his words might soothe her enough to actually eat something.

Sooyun takes her first bite of cereal and Kyungsoo nods encouragingly, hoping it’s enough for her to repeat the action. He feels a little bit like he’s training a new puppy.

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m going to be right here with you. Grandma won’t be able to look after you for a while, so you’re stuck with me, kid.”

Sooyun stares at the bowl in Kyungsoo’s hands and gains a little more confidence to lower the spoon into the cereal herself. She slowly eats a few mouthfuls.

Kyungsoo is absolutely shattered already and the day has barely even started.

Once Sooyun has had enough of the cereal, Kyungsoo places her in front of the television and finds a kid’s program for her to watch, in the hopes that it’ll at least entertain her for a bit while he panics and figures out what to do. He kind of wants to call his mother but knows that she needs to recover and not worry about him or Sooyun, and honestly how difficult can looking after a toddler be?

Kyungsoo panics even more.

He shoots a quick text message to his editor, Byun Baekhyun, an apology in advance for not getting the chapter to him as promised, then subsequently ignores all texts he receives from Baekhyun after.

Ten in succession, to be exact.

After clearing up the kitchen and asking Sooyun not to pull on the frayed edge of her onesie, he figures he should make this apartment a little more toddler friendly and starts to plan out what on earth he should do.

He can almost hear his laptop crying for him to get his work done, but Kyungsoo takes no notice of the little voice in his head and sits cross legged on the sofa opposite of Sooyun.

Sooyun needs clothes.

And toys.

And food fit for a baby to eat.

He knows he can get most of this stuff at his mother’s, but he’ll need to make a stop at multiple stores to get the rest. He doesn’t exactly want to carry Sooyun around because it’s well known that Kyungsoo hates shopping and hates spending money, so he’d rather get this done as quick as possible.

The guilt boils up inside him and spills over the edges. He takes out his phone and calls the only person he knows will be doing nothing right about now.

Baekhyun picks up on the second ring.

“I hope this is you phoning me to tell me you’ve finished the next chapter for me to edit, as well as the next five chapters after that as a sorry.”

Kyungsoo huffs loud enough for Baekhyun to hear. “I need you to look after my niece.” He looks back at Sooyun, who’s now twiddling a piece of her hair around her fingers. “Like, now.”

There’s a pause at the other end of the phone as Baekhyun takes in Kyungsoo’s words and, quite frankly, Kyungsoo doesn’t blame him. But Kyungsoo can’t think of anyone else he trusts enough, even if Baekhyun is the most childish person he knows.

“Wait, what? Why are you looking after your niece? Why do I need to look after her? Kyungsoo, you can barely look after yourself. Sehun has to bring you food sometimes because otherwise you forget that nutrition is a thing! Why are you looking after a tiny child? I’m worried.”

Kyungsoo can hear the amusement in Baekhyun’s voice and if he had the ability to slap his editor through the phone, he would.

“My mother is in the hospital,” he says quietly, careful to not sound worried in case Sooyun next to him picks up on the emotion. “I’m looking after Sooyun until she’s better and I have nothing in the house to entertain her with. She doesn’t even have clothes, Baekhyun. Please.”

Baekhyun sighs, and mumbles something, which Kyungsoo deciphers as Baekhyun speaking in hushed tones to his boyfriend, Yixing. He sighs again. “Fine. Yixing and I will be over in fifteen minutes. You owe me dinner and three chapters for this otherwise I’m telling Junmyeon.”

He thanks Baekhyun, hangs up the phone, and waits.

Agonisingly.

Sooyun seems to be entertained by something on the television so Kyungsoo does the only thing he can think of and works. He grabs his laptop from the desk and sits back down next to Sooyun to make sure she’s by his side at all times.

However, she seems to be more interested in the clicking of Kyungsoo’s laptop keys when he taps them, and he watches as she takes her eyes completely off the television screen and focuses on Kyungsoo’s hands.

He smiles. “Do you want to help me write, Sooyun-ah? Can you help me? Uncle Soo has been having trouble writing lately. Maybe you can help me with that.”

Sooyun nods and makes little humming noises as she taps on Kyungsoo’s keyboard with both hands. A random string of numbers, letters, and punctuation appears on his screen and Kyungsoo makes a mental note to delete those before he sends to Baekhyun, otherwise Baekhyun might think Kyungsoo has finally lost his mind.

“Well done, Sooyun! Definitely a good idea. An author in the making, aren’t you?”

Sooyun looks up at Kyungsoo with her large, brown eyes, and a small smile emerges on her face as she continues to tap without even looking at the screen.

Suddenly, there’s three heavy knocks on the door. Sooyun jumps from the loud sound, stops typing, and her eyes begin to water.

“No!” He draws the word out, panicking again. “Sooyun-ah, don’t cry! Uncle Soo is going to kill Baekhyun for scaring you! Come on, I’ll protect you.” He places his laptop on the coffee table in front of him and scoops up Sooyun into his arms, letting her fidget around a bit until she’s comfortable. “Big baby ‘hyun is going to look after you for a while, okay? Just until I can get some toys and groceries for you!”

He opens the door with his free hand to a rather pissed off looking Baekhyun, accompanied by a smiling and rather excited looking Yixing. Yixing immediately coos at Sooyun when he sees her.

“Big baby!” Sooyun shouts, and Kyungsoo bursts into shocked laughter.

Baekhyun frowns. He’s silent for a beat too long. “Please don’t tell me she’s calling me that.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “Come on in Yixing and Big Baby.”

He reluctantly leaves Sooyun playing Peek-A-Boo with Baekhyun and Yixing while he rushes, admittedly breaking a few speed limits, to his mother’s and to the store to grab everything he needs to make sure the toddler in his care stays alive.

It’s all over within the hour and it’s the most he’s exercised in about two weeks.

He’s kind of proud of himself, to be honest.

Maybe this will be easier than he thought.

It’s definitely not easier than he thought.

It turns out juggling a child and the personal deadlines he sets for himself is exhausting.

There’s just not enough hours in the day to entertain a small child, work on his book, and make sure he keeps himself healthy. Sooyun is taking up ninety percent of his time, and the other ten percent is Kyungsoo making sure he’s awake and healthy enough to keep Sooyun healthy and occupied.

He swears she has the attention span of a flea.

After a week of being under Kyungsoo’s care she refuses to eat anything that isn’t ice cream and Kyungsoo knows this is entirely his fault for letting her eat it in the first place. A piece of his soul dies every time she bursts into tears, to the point where Kyungsoo doesn’t feel like he has any soul left. He’s not equipped for this. He’s pretty sure if Siri were a real person, she’d hate him for asking so many questions. All of his time is focussed on making sure Sooyun is okay, leaving no time to work on his novel. His creativity has flown out the window along with his mental stability, and with plenty of reminders from Baekhyun, he hasn’t written properly in days.

His mother calls once a day from the hospital to check up on him, asking if he’s okay, and if he needs anything. Careful not to worry her, he tells her he’s doing well, and Sooyun is doing well, and everything is well. He tells her to focus on getting her health back up. Tells her he’s absolutely fine. Tells her that looking after a toddler is a breeze.

Because he doesn’t want to scare her, even if he is losing it a little.

He’s so tired. Really, so exhausted. Not that good kind of exhausted he feels after working by himself overnight in his peaceful, silent apartment to finish a chapter, or a particularly difficult scene but the kind of exhausted where he wants to sleep for an entire week to fully recharge.

But he can’t. He can’t because there’s a tiny little human being sitting fifteen feet away from him and she’s fully relying on him to live.

There’s someone depending solely on Kyungsoo, now.

It’s terrifying.

Today, is one of those particularly difficult days. It’s one of those days where Sooyun refuses to wake up properly, where she refuses to get dressed properly, and where she refuses to eat properly. She’s said exactly zero words to Kyungsoo, and he’s completely overwhelmed. If he’s going to balance work, Sooyun, and looking after himself, he’s going to need some help.

He calls Jongdae, defeated.

They meet in Jongdae’s favourite café, a tiny hole in the wall about ten minutes away from Kyungsoo’s apartment by foot. It’s called The Hideaway, which is very apt for its location, meaning it’s almost impossible to find. Kyungsoo still turns down the incorrect alleyway when he walks to it, and he’s been there multiple times by now.

Admittedly, it’s a cute little café. Jongdae likes it for its cozy chairs, warm atmosphere, and ridiculously overpriced coffee. Kyungsoo likes it because the fireplace is real, the Wi-Fi is fast, and they give you free bottles of water if you’ve been there all day. In hindsight, maybe that just happens to him.

With a little goading, Kyungsoo manages to dress Sooyun appropriately and drive her to the café with time to spare. They drop down into Kyungsoo’s chosen booth – right at the back of the café – and he quickly removes all cutlery from in front of Sooyun before she cuts herself or worse. Makes a scene.

Jongdae walks in a few minutes later, lifting his head to try and find Kyungsoo, and smiles when he spots him. He’s got a child balanced on each hip, which doesn’t faze Kyungsoo in the slightest.

Jongdae, a permanent nanny to three-year-old twins, Jinwoo and Heonwoo, has been Kyungsoo’s best friend since they had met while in college, neither exactly loved studying education. Kyungsoo ended up majoring in English Literature and started to write away the minutes, whereas Jongdae turned to Early Learning Studies and began working with children, instead. He’s been the twins’ nanny for almost two years and still chokes up whenever they call him Uncle Dae. It’s kind of cute. Kyungsoo always knew Jongdae was more cut out for this and definitely not for high school education when Jongdae failed his economics test three times, even after being personally tutored by Kyungsoo. Who, truthfully, really wasn’t much better.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae exclaims disappointedly as he looks across to Sooyun, who is currently stuffing her face full of bright pink strawberry ice cream. “You can’t give her frozen goods every time she’s being difficult. That isn’t how you parent.” He eyes Kyungsoo. “You look like an absolute mess, by the way.”

Kyungsoo huffs and crosses his arms. “Nice to see you too, Jongdae.”

Jongdae sits down opposite of them, situating Jinwoo and Heonwoo on either side of him in the booth and hands them both their bottled drinks from his bag.

He’s so calm, and Kyungsoo wonders how the fuck he does it.

Foregoing pleasantries, Kyungsoo cuts to the chase.

“I’m stuck, Jongdae. I thought I could do this, but it’s just me and I’m not cut out for this. I don’t know how to parent. It’s not like I had any time at all to prepare.” He runs a hand over his buzzed hair a couple of times in frustration. “I’m not you . I don’t know how to entertain adults, let alone a two-year-old kid. I can barely even entertain myself. I’ve never even thought twice about having kids. I never thought I’d end up in this situation.”

Sooyun proceeds to sneeze with a mouthful of ice cream and it goes everywhere.

The twins start giggling at the sight and, in turn, Sooyun starts sniffling from embarrassment and shoves away the rest of the ice cream with her tiny hands. Jongdae grabs a tissue from his bag and leans over the table to help clean up a whimpering Sooyun before Kyungsoo can even move to help, patting her head and whispering soft it’s okays to soothe her.

“You’re thinking like a new parent, Soo. Which, in some ways, you are. You have to learn these things. Learn from your mistakes. Spend some time learning what Sooyun likes and what she doesn’t like.” Jongdae pauses and smiles sympathetically at him. “It’s not going to be easy. It won’t ever be easy. Your mother might take months to fully recover so you’d better sort yourself out and become a proper guardian to Sooyun because she needs you.”

Kyungsoo sinks into his seat at Jongdae’s words. “But I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, and sighs. “Then get some help /em>. It’s just you, Kyungsoo, and because it’s just you, it’s alright to need some assistance. I’m not going to be here every time you need me.” He nods towards to the twins. “I’ve got my own kids to look after.”

He takes the steaming mug of hot cocoa from the waitress who knows his order by heart, careful to make sure the twins don’t reach up and grab it from his hands and burn themselves. He takes a long sip, enough that the froth forms on his upper lip and he turns around to look at the twins who point to his newly formed moustache and start to wiggle around, giggling. Sooyun even joins in, although Kyungsoo is pretty sure she has no idea what she’s even giggling about. It’s kind of adorable.

“Listen, Kyungsoo. Our firm has just hired someone new and he’s looking to nanny for a family. I think he’d get along great with you and Sooyun. I’ll put in a good word for you, just make the call and make sure to request him. Say it was my idea, that’ll help you.”

Jongdae reaches into his bag and takes out a small tin of business cards. He hands one to Kyungsoo who takes it gladly.

Blooming Days Nanny Agency.

“It’ll be good for you, too, Kyungsoo. Think about it.”

Kyungsoo thinks about it.

Kyungsoo says yes.

He thinks that perhaps Jongdae labelling him as an emergency case is a little far-fetched and unnecessary, but it gets him a meeting with the potential nanny quicker, so he lets it pass.

After some coaxing and promise of chocolate ice cream afterwards, Kyungsoo manages to get Sooyun into her jacket with astonishingly minimal fuss on the day of the interview, and they head over to Blooming Days, a small, yet modern building on the opposite side of the city.

The receptionist, a young man named Tao, fusses over Sooyun which she adores , calling her pretty and beautiful, and complimenting the dress Kyungsoo put her in this morning. Kyungsoo takes that as a compliment for himself, too. The owner, a striking woman named Seulgi that Sooyun loves immediately, leads them both into a large, brightly lit room to sit and wait for the interview to start. He’s offered drinks and biscuits, and Sooyun is offered juice and fruit flakes. Everything seems so easy here and Kyungsoo doesn’t want to leave.

Two minutes later, the door opens and Jongdae steps inside accompanied by a tall, long limbed man sporting a big grin and even bigger ears. He spots Sooyun playing in the soft play area with the plastic toy bricks and he looks at Jongdae, who rolls his eyes and nods. He looks at Kyungsoo, who shrugs because he doesn’t know what’s going on. Before Kyungsoo can even open his mouth to ask what’s going on, the man bounds over to Sooyun to sit cross legged next to her and introduces himself. Before long, he’s helping her build a brick tower.

“His name is Chanyeol,” Jongdae says, sitting down next to Kyungsoo and stealing his half-eaten biscuit. “He loves kids. Probably because he’s a child himself.”

“I can hear you, you know!” Chanyeol bellows from across the room without looking away from the tower. “Stop talking about me. Sooyun and I are trying to build.” He helps Sooyun place a bright red brick on top of a forest green one and Sooyun claps once it’s placed. Chanyeol laughs and claps along with her.

Jongdae hums. “These interviews are meant to be for the parents or guardians to see if they get along with the nanny as well, but Chanyeol has never been the most conventional. Or so I hear. Seulgi has known him for years, they went to school together, and she was always keen to have him join the agency. Once he finished his studies, he did.”

“How long has he been here?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes not leaving Chanyeol, intrigued.

“A few months. He passed the probation period with flying colours and decided he wanted to become a full-time nanny to one family. He has a lot of love and expertise to give, and I think he wants to focus on one family. One job so he can contain it, you know? I think he was getting a little overwhelmed.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t really have any idea what Jongdae is going on about, but Sooyun’s laugh rings throughout his ears and suddenly he’s lost all interest in anything but her.

Seulgi walks back into the room a couple of minutes later and asks Chanyeol to join them at the table. Kyungsoo notes that Chanyeol asks Sooyun if he can pick her up and, although reluctant, Sooyun says yes but makes sure to bring the red and yellow bricks with her, one in each hand.

Seulgi asks Kyungsoo the standard questions and writes it all down in the notebook she’s holding. She advises him of the routine background checks. Basically, boring paperwork stuff that Kyungsoo wants to get over and done with as quickly as possible. His family lawyer had rushed through the temporary guardianship papers and that was definitely enough paperwork to last him for at least ten years. He never wants to sign his name on any dotted line again.

They exchange pleasantries. Chanyeol bows and leaves, promising Sooyun he’ll see her again, so Kyungsoo can’t exactly say no when Seulgi asks if he thinks Chanyeol would be a good fit. Not that he would, anyway.

“Sooyun seems to love him,” Kyungsoo says, frankly a little jealous. “If he’s happy to be hired, I’m happy to hire.”

Seulgi grins. “That’s wonderful! I will speak to him about him straight away. Although, I’m pretty sure I know his answer.”

Kyungsoo receives a call from Chanyeol later that evening, asking him when he should start.

One week and two more signatures later, there’s three knocks at the door.

Sooyun is colouring on the dining room table as Kyungsoo finds it keeps her attention the longest. Kyungsoo makes sure his t-shirt isn’t too crumpled, takes a deep breath, and he opens the door.

On the other side is the rather tall, gangly looking man with the big grin and even bigger ears he’d met for an hour only seven days before.

Only this time he’s holding two, large coffee cups in one hand, and a small bottle of apple juice in the other.

“Hello!” he exclaims, a little too loudly, making Kyungsoo step back a little. Chanyeol seems to note Kyungsoo’s shock and seems to misinterpret it. “I’m, uh, Chanyeol? Remember? Sooyun’s new nanny?”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Is that a question?”

Chanyeol puffs out his chest slightly and stands his ground. “I’m Chanyeol. I’m Sooyun’s new nanny. I’ve brought you coffee! Double shot with a pump of vanilla for sweetness, right? Jongdae told me. I’ve also brought some apple juice for the little one. Does she like apple juice?”

Kyungsoo stares at him, deadpan, waiting for him to finish talking. “I, um, I have no idea, to be honest.”

Chanyeol looks a little scared, drops his voice low and leans in. “You didn’t like kidnap her, did you? Jongdae didn’t lie to me, right?”

Kyungsoo is honestly so shocked at the suggestion that he can’t help but let out a short laugh. “No! I didn’t kidnap her. What use would I have kidnapping a child? Like I said in the interview, Sooyun and I still don’t really know each other, yet. Baby steps.”

Chanyeol looks visibly relieved, satisfied with Kyungsoo’s answer. He holds out the steaming cup of coffee and Kyungsoo takes it with a thank you and holds it with both of his hands.

“Can I come in or would you like me to do my job from the hallway?”

Kyungsoo steps aside to allow Chanyeol to enter into the hallway. He smells of flowers, some kind of floral perfume with a hint of sweetness that Kyungsoo immediately likes. He’s wearing an oversized, baby blue hoodie that would probably come down to Kyungsoo’s knees if he wore it, and jeans with so many holes in them, Kyungsoo thinks it’s a miracle they haven’t fallen apart.

Upon entering the living room, Chanyeol immediately spots Sooyun sitting at the table, and he drops his bag over the back of the sofa and skips over to her. “Hello little Sooyun!” he exclaims, situating himself on his knees by the side of her chair. “Are you colouring? That’s so good, well done!”

Sooyun looks a little scared at the noise at first, but her eyes twinkle when she notices it’s Chanyeol, remembering him from the interview and helping build her tower. She gladly takes the apple juice Chanyeol holds out, even lets Chanyeol stick the straw in the top for her, so she can drink.

Kyungsoo is astonished.

“My name is Chanyeol, do you remember? But you can call me Yeolie! Only beautiful princesses get to call me Yeolie and you are definitely the most beautiful princess I have ever seen. Can I call you Sooyun? It’s a very pretty name. It means little lotus flower! Did you know that? What if I called you little lotus, instead?”

Sooyun smiles, beamsfrom ear to ear at Chanyeol’s words, and Kyungsoo just stands there, dumbfounded.

A little wary of leaving a stranger alone with his niece, he sits at his desk for a while and pretends to do work while Chanyeol gets to know Sooyun properly.

It’s incredible. Sooyun clings to him like a moth to a flame, clapping every time Chanyeol pulls a funny face or makes a funny noise, nodding with enthusiasm whenever Chanyeol asks her a question, and even allows Chanyeol to put her down for her nap.

He’s definitely going to be writing a list of questions to ask Chanyeol on how to parent Sooyun. First on the list: HOW?

“You really like to read, huh,” Chanyeol notes as he runs his eyes over the floor-to-ceiling shelves that line one of Kyungsoo’s walls.

“Something like that,” Kyungsoo responds mysteriously, not that Chanyeol notices. He’s too entranced by a line of three blue and black books with delicate calligraphy on the spines, reading The Cherry Blossom Trilogy.

Chanyeol audibly gasps. “You’re a fan of Han Soo? The best-selling romance author? Kyungsoo, his books make me cry. The third one made me weep so much my tears stained the pages and I had to get a new book. When Jungwook died, I cried. When they found Jungwook’s killer, I cried. When Jungwook realised he loved Youngjin and stays with him to guard limbo rather than go through his door to The Other Side, I cried! Seriously, not many authors in Korea write LGBTQ+ inclusive novels and from the ones that do, Han Soo is way better than all of them. He may even be my favourite author of all time. Have you read all of his works?”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms. “Something like that.”

Chanyeol takes the third book in the trilogy and holds it in his hands, flipping through the pages until he’s near the end.

“Youngjin,” Jungwook begins, his eyes growing blurry from his tears. “Like a cherry blossom, my life was cut short. Too short. But you’ve made me realise that, however insignificant I may be in the world, I made adifference. I made a difference to my students. I made a difference to the world. But … Youngjin … you made me realise that I’m not alone. I’ve been happier in death than I ever was alive, and I owe that to you. You’ve made a difference to me, Youngjin … and I love you.”

Chanyeol reads the passage flawlessly.

He stares at the words for a couple of seconds before closing the book and placing it gently back on the shelf. “Those books changed me, Kyungsoo. I’m so glad you’ve read them, too.”

Kyungsoo really doesn’t know what to say.

About an hour passes and, in that time, Kyungsoo has found a new lease of life to write. He even manages to finish his chapter to send to Baekhyun, who promptly sends him sixteen shocked face emojis and nothing else, which Kyungsoo promptly ignores. Kyungsoo isn’t very good at small talk, but Chanyeol is clever enough to sense that, so he’s made himself scarce for half an hour to go grab them coffee and two cartons of apple juice for Sooyun.

Just as he returns, Sooyun whines from her bedroom.

“She’s awake,” Kyungsoo says and puts aside his laptop to stand up and see to her. Chanyeol places his hand gently on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and squeezes lightly. “It’s okay,” he says, “I’ll just go put these cartons in your fridge and go and see to her. You seem really busy.”

Kyungsoo hesitates. “Are you sure?” he asks, worried that Chanyeol might think he’s useless, or something. If there’s one thing Kyungsoo hates feeling, it’s uselessness. He’s felt that a lot over the past few weeks and is pretty much at his wits end.

Chanyeol nods, and smiles. “It’s my job, Kyungsoo. That’s what you hired me for and I’m here to help.”

Kyungsoo quickly decides that he likes Chanyeol.

He likes how easily he gets on with Sooyun. He likes how he’s happy to turn up at eight in the morning and entertain her all day. He likes how he’s helping her to colour and paint and draw. He likes how he calls Sooyun little lotus, so much so in fact that Kyungsoo has started to call her that, too. He likes how he has time to write his novel now, how Baekhyun is finally able to do his job and edit his work. He likes how Chanyeol seems to have an array of shirts and hoodies, but seemingly only owns one pair of jeans.

He likes Chanyeol. But more importantly, Sooyun likes Chanyeol.

And Chanyeol seems to like them, too.

Chanyeol scoffs. “You’ve been her guardian for a month now, Kyungsoo, and you still hold her like she’s a bomb about to explode.”

Sooyun had tripped on the living room rug and bashed her chin on the coffee table, bursting into tears right then and there. Crying, she had reached out for someone to pick her up and console her and Kyungsoo had obliged, albeit rather awkwardly.

“Here, hold her closer to your body,” Chanyeol whispers, stepping forward to lightly touch Kyungsoo’s hands to move them where they should be. Sooyun’s cries have whittled down to soft whimpers, and she nuzzles into Kyungsoo’s neck for comfort.

Kyungsoo melts.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says once Sooyun has calmed down, his voice low so he doesn’t disturb Sooyun.

Chanyeol smiles. A small and cute smile which for some reason goes straight to Kyungsoo’s heart. “No problem,” he replies, shrugging. “That’s what I’m here for.”

It’s when Sooyun wakes up in the middle of the night a couple of weeks later that Kyungsoo realises just how much of a novice he is at this, and how much the truly need someone like Chanyeol.

It’s one of those rare nights that Kyungsoo actually gets into bed before two in the morning, and he’s just managing to doze off when there’s a wail from the next room. He shoots up in bed immediately, panic flowing through his body like fire and he turns on his bedside lamp to find his glasses, wincing at the brightness.

The wailing continues and Kyungsoo runs into Sooyun’s room, terrified she’s hurt herself in her sleep.

“Little lotus, are you alright?” he asks, and takes slow, careful steps towards Sooyun’s bed in the corner of the room where she’s crying and won’t seem to stop.

He tries to comfort her using the methods Chanyeol taught him: soothing strokes of her hair, kisses on her cheek, soft and gentle words of comfort in her ear, offering her food, water, or a simple cuddle. But she doesn’t stop crying and Kyungsoo panics, grabs his phone, and hits speed dial 2 with so much force he almost drops it onto the floor.

The phone rings for a while, and Kyungsoo is just about to give up completely when the phone connects, and a muffled “hello?” from the other end startles Kyungsoo into action.

“Chanyeol, I am so, so, so sorry that I’m calling you this late, or early, or, well, anyway Sooyun won’t stop crying, and I don’t know what to do. I’m not good at things like this, Chanyeol, she won’t stop and I’m freaking out and-“

Chanyeol shushes him, like Kyungsoo is the one crying. His voice is heavy and hoarse with sleep, lower than usual. “ Kyungsoo, it’s fine. First of all, have you asked Sooyun if she’s okay?”

“I…”

No.

“Yes.”

Lies.

Chanyeol seems to see right through him, and sighs heavily. “Go back into her room and hold the phone near her so I can listen.”

Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow at the weird request and looks at the phone as if Chanyeol can see him from his own apartment. He does as he’s told, though, and walks toward a still-crying Sooyun, kneels beside her bed and reaches out to stroke her hair softly once more. After a few seconds, he brings the phone back to his ear. “Any luck?” he asks, hoping, praying that Chanyeol will know what’s wrong like some kind of child-whisperer.

Chanyeol hums. “That’s a cry of pain, Kyungsoo. Most likely just teething pains. Some of her molars might be coming in a little late. I have some ideas on how to soothe her, I’ll be over soon. Just keep comforting her until I get there. Put a clean washcloth in the freezer. You’ll thank me later.”

Kyungsoo is almost about to protest, to tell Chanyeol “I can do this myself”, but Sooyun lets out another pitiful cry and grabs hold of Kyungsoo’s hand so tightly that he doesn’t want to leave her side.

“I’m really grateful for this, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo responds, a wave of guilt washing over him as he realises he’s pulled Chanyeol out of bed at two in the morning for this. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Chanyeol hums again, hangs up the phone and twenty minutes later walks into Kyungsoo’s apartment without even bothering to knock.

He’s wearing soft, red pyjamas that are slightly too short in the leg, exposing his thin ankles, and a black zip up hoodie with, Kyungsoo is pretty sure, nothing underneath. His hair looks half brushed, as if he’d given up halfway through and just left it, and he’s wearing thick, black rimmed glasses that are sliding down his nose as if he’d walked fast or jogged to get here and hadn’t pushed them up.

“How is she?” Chanyeol asks, and yawns without covering his mouth.

He rubs the sleep from eyes and shakes the tiredness from his brain. Kyungsoo’s stomach drops. He blames it on the guilt.

“Calmer, I think, but she’s still in pain. She let me have a look, it seems to be the last tooth in the back that’s causing issues. She’s just uncomfortable and can’t fall back asleep. I don’t know what to do.”

Chanyeol pats Kyungsoo’s arm lightly. It’s strangely reassuring.

“It’s not like you can just call your mother and ask her, Kyungsoo. You’re still new at this. New parents have nine months to research this kind of thing. You didn’t even have nine minutes. You need to remember that none of this is your fault. Of course, you’re going to be scared. It’s not just scary to her, Kyungsoo, but to you, too. You hired me for a reason. Let me do my job.”

Chanyeol walks into the kitchen to grab the frozen washcloth from the freezer, and quietly pads into Sooyun’s room where she’s quietly sniffling. He passes the washcloth to Sooyun who winces at the temperature of it in her hands, but she sucks on it timidly when Chanyeol gestures for her too.

“The cold helps numb her gums,” Chanyeol says, turning back to Kyungsoo, who is leaning against the doorframe. He’s exhausted. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stand up by himself for much longer.

Sooyun chews the washcloth for a little while, and she grows increasingly sleepy as the washcloth cools to room temperature. The little noises she makes Kyungsoo feel a little helpless but watching Chanyeol calm and sooth Sooyun is comforting to him, like everything is going to be okay.

Chanyeol starts to sing.

It’s a gentle, quiet tune that he’s singing in English and Kyungsoo can’t quite place the melody. Chanyeol turns around and gestures with a nod for Kyungsoo to come over, to take Chanyeol’s place as he carries on singing and humming through the song. It calms Sooyun into sleep and Kyungsoo strokes her hair, kissing her cheek goodnight. Once she’s sleeping, Kyungsoo slowly and delicately takes the now-lukewarm washcloth from Sooyun’s limp and tiny hands as Chanyeol’s song comes to an end.

They leave the door ajar as he and Chanyeol walk back into the living room, tip toeing in order to not wake Sooyun.

“You look exhausted,” Kyungsoo notes, cursing at himself internally that his only way to fill the awkward silence was to insult Chanyeol, who scoffs in response.

“Rude,” he says, but his smile turns into a large yawn, and he stretches his arms so tall Kyungsoo swears he can hear something pop. Kyungsoo winces at the sound.

“Please stay here tonight,” Kyungsoo states, quickly adding “I don’t want you behind the wheel at this hour” onto the end of his sentence so it doesn’t sound so provocative but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to notice.

“You sure?” he asks, wary, and Kyungsoo nods a little too enthusiastically.

“The sofa is comfy, I promise. There’s a blanket on the back if you get too cold. Sooyun loves to curl herself up and watch television in it and if she likes the blanket then it must be comfortable.”

Chanyeol yawns again, and Kyungsoo can guess his answer. “You can leave first thing if you want. Take the day off. Don’t let us keep you. Just … please don’t go.”

Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo. The room is dark, save for the light from the lamp outside seeping through the half-open blinds Kyungsoo had been too lazy to close completely. Half of Chanyeol’s face is illuminated in an amber glow and it accentuates his jawline, the little crinkles at the side of his eyes, the dark circles.

“Please.”

Chanyeol’s shoulders sag. He takes off his glasses and places them down onto the coffee table beside them. “Okay,” he says, and looks away from Kyungsoo for the first time in what seems like hours. “I’ll stay.”

Kyungsoo is about to tell him goodnight and head back to his room to collapse and pass out, when Chanyeol pipes up once more. “Did you cut your hair again, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo figures it’s probably the tiredness talking, as he didn’t really think he’d be talking about his hairstyle at three in the morning.

Chanyeol reaches out slowly to run his large hand over Kyungsoo’s freshly buzzed hair.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo whispers, replacing Chanyeol’s hand with his own. Their fingers collide and Chanyeol lingers for a little too long, and Kyungsoo thinks that’s probably his tiredness, too. “It gets in the way when I’m writing. Plus, Sooyun is at that age where she likes to tug on things. It’s easier to manage, I guess.”

Chanyeol nods once, as if he completely understands Kyungsoo even though he has a full, messy head of hair himself. “Lil’ lotus and lil’ baldy. What a cute lil’ family.”

His words are slow and heavy and slurred, as if he’s thinking about each syllable before he speaks. Kyungsoo feels guilty for keeping him awake for this long at this hour.

“You’ll have a lil’ paycheck if you’re not careful. Get some sleep, Yeolie, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Chanyeol laughs, and it stops Kyungsoo in his tracks. “What?” Kyungsoo asks, intrigued.

Chanyeol, now fully under the blanket which he’s brought up to tuck under his chin, chuckles again. “You called me Yeolie. Only beautiful princesses get to call me Yeolie.”

Kyungsoo turns back around to face Chanyeol, whose eyes have now closed.

“I guess I’m a beautiful princess, then.”

Chanyeol hums sleepily. “That you are. Goodnight, Soo.”

“Goodnight, Chanyeol.”

The sunlight makes itself rudely known to Kyungsoo as it pours through his bedroom window bright and early in the morning. It streams across his face and over his eyes causing him to wake from his slumber. He squints, rubs the sleep from his tired eyes and moves over to the side of his bed to fumble around on the table for his glasses. He shoves them on haphazardly. Slowly sits up. Yawns and stretches …

… and smells bacon.

Which is confusing, to say the least. His brain is still fuzzy, his thoughts not quite in check and considering Sooyun is only two and a half years old and can barely brush her own teeth, he highly doubts she can cook.

Chanyeol’s loud, low laughter echoes throughout the whole apartment followed by a squeak of joy from Sooyun that makes Kyungsoo’s ears ring from how high pitched and happy she sounds.

Kyungsoo smiles for a second and gathers his thoughts before rolling out of bed to start his day.

When he walks into the kitchen, Chanyeol is pouring him a cup of black, strong coffee.

“Little lotus is cooking breakfast for us today, aren’t you?” Chanyeol says, directing his words to a rather happy looking Sooyun, who is currently waving a spatula around like a magic wand.

Chanyeol hands the cup of coffee to Kyungsoo with one hand and makes sure Sooyun doesn’t hit herself in the eye with her makeshift magic wand with the other. Somehow, Chanyeol has already dressed her for the day, and she’s wearing a baby blue and white polka dot dress that is the same base colour of Chanyeol’s favourite hoodie. Kyungsoo knows that probably isn’t a coincidence.

“Are you making breakfast for us all, Sooyun-ah?” Kyungsoo asks tiredly as he brings the mug of hot coffee up to his nose and inhales the bitter smell of the drink hoping that it’ll kickstart his brain into gear. Sooyun holds out the spatula to Kyungsoo and waves her magic wand around once more.

“Is little lotus a little princess today?” Kyungsoo asks, ignores the sudden drop in his stomach of remembering Chanyeol’s words before they had both slept last night.

He kisses Sooyun’s forehead lightly to wish her a good morning and Sooyun nods and grins a big, gummy smile that reduces Kyungsoo’s insides to mush. He kisses her forehead once more out of pure affection.

He turns to Chanyeol to wish him a good morning as well, and notices that he’s leaning against the kitchen island, his gaze fond, relaxed, and there’s a slight tug at the corners of his mouth where he’s trying not to smile.

Kyungsoo frowns. “What?” he asks, a little accusatory, and raises his eyebrows almost comically to prompt a quick response from a rather cocky looking Chanyeol.

Chanyeol simply laughs. “Nothing! Don’t hurt me,” he responds, holding up both of his hands in surrender dramatically. “It’s just … I don’t know why you’re always so worried about being her guardian, Kyungsoo. You’re a natural. She’s warming up to you quickly and it’s only been a few weeks.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, a little speechless.

Chanyeol continues. “I can sense you’re not worried you’re going to be a bad parent, but rather Sooyun is going to think you’re a bad parent.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t exactly want to tell Chanyeol that he’s right, so instead he looks around to Sooyun, who is now playing with Kyungsoo’s fingers as he holds her legs to make sure she doesn’t squirm off the kitchen counter. Her touch is gentle and soothing to Kyungsoo, and she giggles lightly every time Kyungsoo moves his finger as she’s about to grab it.

Chanyeol has got it spot on. He doesn’t know how to be a guardian to Sooyun, sure, but he’s more scared of the fact she’s not going to trust him or want him to look after her anymore.

Yes, it’s terrifying to have someone as small and vulnerable as her depend on you for twenty-four hours a day, but it’s more terrifying to think that they don’t want you around.

The bacon sizzles loudly in the pan and Chanyeol goes to flip it and turn down the heat, making sure to scruff Sooyun’s hair as he walks past. He pats the side of Kyungsoo’s neck in reassurance.

Kyungsoo feels weird inside.

Seulgi’s visit to the apartment marks Chanyeol’s two-month anniversary as Sooyun’s official nanny.

She’s wearing a navy-blue pant suit and matte black shoes. Her hair is styled into a tight, high ponytail, not a hair is out of place. She looks incredibly professional and incredibly striking.

Kyungsoo feels terribly underdressed.

From the living room, Sooyun laughs at something on the television and her little high-pitched giggle resonates throughout the apartment. Seulgi stops in the middle of taking off her jacket and Kyungsoo sees her eyes soften, and her smile grow warm.

“Can I take off my heels?” she asks once Sooyun has stopped giggling, looking around the entry way for a place to store her shoes. “They’re killing my feet. The pain is all I can think about.” She starts unclasping them from her feet before Kyungsoo can even point out the shoe rack for her to place them. “Is Chanyeol here?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer for a second, he’s a little enamoured (and to be honest, scared) of Seulgi.

He finally shakes his head. His voice is a little hoarse and he thinks he might be catching whatever Sooyun had a few days ago. Either that or his lack of sleep is finally getting to him.

“I told him to take the day off and sleep. Sooyun hasn’t been very well and Chanyeol thinks he’s either some kind of miracle worker or a character from Harry Potter and is trying to make her better using his homemade flowery lotions and woodland-scented oils.” He guides Seulgi into the living room by holding out a hand and gesturing in the same vague direction of his niece.

Seulgi furrows her brow. “Is that a problem?” she asks slowly, and Kyungsoo shakes his head almost immediately, adamant to show his disdain at her suggestion.

“No! No, not at all,” he says, perching on the coffee table in front of Sooyun and Seulgi. “Whatever he did actually made her better. She’s only mildly sniffly now. He’s a little bit of a godsend, to be honest. We’re using half as many tissues as last week, aren’t we, little lotus?”

Godsend is not quite the word Kyungsoo’s looking for, but saviour seems a little too dramatic, especially to say out loud to a woman he’s only met a handful of times.

Chanyeol is brilliant.

He comes over, albeit, unannounced which honestly, Kyungsoo had hated. Now he’s grown used to Chanyeol walking around like he owns the place. He even has his own key. Even after two months, Kyungsoo is still prone to panicking when he can’t soothe Sooyun quick enough and it’s a relief to have Chanyeol there, steady and calm. He even brings Kyungsoo breakfast when he’s been up all night trying to finish an important scene so Baekhyun doesn’t moan and snitch on him to his agent, Junmyeon.

The apartment pretty much smells permanently of lavender now. Sooyun’s new favourite toy is the soft, purple teddy bear Chanyeol had bought her after she had had several bad dreams, because according to Chanyeol, lavender solves everything.

Kyungsoo really didn’t think he was cut out for all this kid stuff but with Chanyeol’s help, he’s learning. He’s learning how to tie Sooyun’s pigtails properly so they’re not wonky, and messy. He’s learning how to get Sooyun to eat properly during meals without bribing her with ice cream afterwards. He’s learning how to read Sooyun’s favourite bedtime stories with the funny voices she loves.

He’s learning how to be a proper guardian.

It’s rather daunting.

Seulgi notes down everything Kyungsoo says on her small tablet, the click-clacking of her nails on the glass screen is oddly reminiscent of his own fingers sliding across his keyboard.

Talking makes him a little uncomfortable. He’d much rather be at his laptop typing his words than actually speaking them. His desk seems a hundred, million miles away right now, and he kind of wishes Chanyeol was here to calm his nerves.

Seulgi can sense the tiny change of emotion evident in Kyungsoo’s face and she smiles. Kyungsoo wonders if it’s pitiful.

“It’s okay, Mr. Do. There’s really no need to worry. This is just a simple drop-by, not a formal evaluation of Chanyeol. If it’s any consolation, from what I hear, Chanyeol adores Sooyun. You, too, if I may add.”

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows.

“Me?” he asks, leaning forward a little so he can lightly pinch one of Sooyun’s exposed toes, causing her to giggle and thrash her legs around in a lame attempt to playfully kick Kyungsoo’s hand away.

“You,” Seulgi responds as she swipes a stray hair of Sooyun’s out of her eyes. “You and Sooyun are all he ever talks about when he drops by the Agency. It’s rather cute. He’s like a puppy wagging his tail whenever he hears someone asks about you both.”

Kyungsoo can feel the flush bloom on his cheeks, over his entire body, and he looks down at his hands hoping Seulgi doesn’t notice. If she does, she certainly doesn’t say anything.

The Not Evaluation comes to an end with Seulgi asking politely if she can stay for a while and help Sooyun set up her tea party. The lavender teddy bear Chanyeol bought for Sooyun sits at the head of the table as The Most Important Guest and Kyungsoo finds it adorable that Sooyun won’t go anywhere without the bear.

Just as Seulgi is helping Sooyun pour her imaginary tea into her plastic pink cup, Kyungsoo hears his front door open which is strange, considering the only other person who has a key is …

“What are you doing here? I gave you the day off,” Kyungsoo asks as Chanyeol steps into the living room, carrying two cups of coffee and a bag which smells like fresh doughnuts.

Chanyeol recoils over-dramatically, almost dropping the bag in the process. “Yes, and on my day off I’m visiting my friend, Kyungsoo, and his niece, Sooyun. I even brought coffee and doughnuts. I’m such a good friend, I know.”

Seulgi stands up from her position leaning against the front of the sofa and smooths down her white shirt to try and get rid of the creases.

“Ms. Kang!” Chanyeol exclaims and bows slightly to greet her. “I had no idea you’d be here. I would have brought you coffee too, but-”

Seulgi holds up her hand to stop him from speaking. “No need, I just dropped by to see how Kyungsoo is doing. I’ll be off. Also, Chanyeol? No need to call me Ms. Kang. It’s Seulgi. We’ve known each other for years. We’re not at the Agency now. It’s weird.”

“Okay … Seulgi …” Chanyeol winces as if it physically pains him to call her that now she’s his boss, and Kyungsoo hides his laugh with a fake cough.

Once Seulgi leaves, not before giving each of them a kiss on their cheek, Chanyeol sits on the floor next to Sooyun to hand out the doughnuts. Kyungsoo has half a mind to tell him that there’s a sofa right there, just like he should have told Seulgi, but Sooyun seems to have every adult she meets wrapped around her tiny little pinkie finger, so he keeps his thoughts to himself.

“Soo, there’s no need to look so awkward. I’m here as your friend, not as Sooyun’s nanny. I wanted to do something with my day and couldn’t think of a better place to be.”

Chanyeol stops himself, like he’s said a little too much than he’d initially planned to and turns back to Sooyun to wipe the sticky sugar from the corner of her mouth.

Sooyun is too preoccupied with Chanyeol to finish her tea party and Chanyeol suggests that they go to the park for some fresh air and to enjoy the sunshine. Before Kyungsoo can reply to his suggestion, Sooyun asks to sit up on Chanyeol’s shoulders so she can touch the sky and Kyungsoo, heart melting, can’t exactly say no to that.

The sun on Kyungsoo’s face feels warm and refreshing as they step out of his apartment building to walk the short five-minute journey to the nearest park. Chanyeol holds onto Sooyun’s legs while she yips with glee and reaches out to try and catch the blossoms that fall from the trees as they step through the large, iron gates that mark the park’s entrance.

Kyungsoo used to come here a lot, back when he first started out as an author and didn’t overwork himself or set himself unrealistic deadlines. True, he loves the outdoors, the songs of the birds, the smell of the street food carts that surround the park, but his work became more important. He’s missed this, he thinks as they stop at the nearest bench so Sooyun can chase the ducks. He’s missed all of this.

When Sooyun trips over her own two feet and falls onto the grass a while later, whimpering quietly as Kyungsoo picks her up and shushes her softly, giving her elbow a magic kiss to make it better. She sits on the bench in between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, holding each of their hands as they promise her ice cream for being such a good and brave girl.

She perks up almost immediately when a fluffy golden retriever puppy comes bounding over, jumping up so its paws are resting on the dark green bench and starts wagging its tail. Sooyun leans forward cautiously and starts to stroke the puppy’s head who in turn licks at her hand, and Sooyun lets out a playful “ eeeeeeew,” but carries on playing with the puppy’s soft and fluffy ears.

“I’m so sorry,” a lady says as she runs over, empty leash in her hand. “He got away from me and I’ve been trying to catch him for the past five minutes, but it looks like he’s found a new friend!”

“Friends,” Chanyeol amends as he joins Sooyun in stroking the puppy. He picks him up and places him on his lap so Sooyun has better access to the puppy who continues to wag his tail and lick Sooyun’s hand delightedly.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “I’m really sorry, I don’t think you’re going to get your puppy back for a little while.”

The lady laughs and pushes her large sunglasses further up her nose. “That’s fine,” she responds, tucking the leash into her pink floral bag. “It’s nice to see your daughter enjoy his company. He can be a little overwhelming at first.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Ah, she’s my niece, actually. But I understand what you mean. I think your puppy and Chanyeol have a lot in common.”

“Rude,” Chanyeol says, clearly not offended as he doesn’t even bother to look up from where he’s stroking the puppy along with Sooyun.

The puppy finally seems to notice his owner has arrived and he gives Sooyun’s hand a final lick as he gets down from the bench to jump up at his owner.

“Anyway, it was lovely to meet you, he seems very enamoured with your niece and your boyfriend. Have a nice day!”

Her dress swishes in the warm breeze as she bends down to gather her puppy up in her arms before walking away. Mortified at her suggestion, he turns to Chanyeol to apologise for not correcting her when she said boyfriend but Sooyun has climbed up into his lap and is tugging at his shirt.

“Ice cream now,” she says, and Chanyeol tuts and shakes his head.

“Where are your manners little lotus? Ice cream, please.”

“Ice cream, please!” Her l’s sound like w’s and Kyungsoo forgets all about the lady as they each hold one of Sooyun’s hands to walk her to the nearest ice cream stall.

Kyungsoo comes to learn that hiring Chanyeol to help with Sooyun was perhaps one of the best decisions he’s ever made.

Chanyeol is just so good.

He’s so good with Sooyun. He’s good at helping Kyungsoo understand her better, get to know what her cries mean, how to get her to sleep better, what’s best to feed her, and when. He’s good at sensing when Kyungsoo is stressed over particular scene of his novel, so he’ll take Sooyun out to the park, or the mall and buy her a small toy to keep her distracted so Kyungsoo can work in peace.

He buys Kyungsoo takeout when Kyungsoo forgets to eat, buys Kyungsoo coffee when he’s been up late in the evenings tending to Sooyun and finishing his chapters, or doing research for his book. He’ll even tell Kyungsoo that Sooyun’s outfit doesn’t match which is a little rich coming from Chanyeol because Kyungsoo is pretty sure he’s been wearing the same hoodie for a week now.

Sooyun is happy.

Kyungsoo is happy.

Life is good.

After a meeting with his publisher one evening, Kyungsoo walks into his apartment feeling tired and heavy with sleep when he hears a squeal of joy erupt from Sooyun in the living room. He slowly takes off his shoes and jacket before he walks into the room where Chanyeol and Sooyun are sat on the floor, covered in glue, glitter and what looks to be pink paint.

“Please don’t tell me there’s glitter on my carpet.”

Chanyeol laughs. “Good evening to you, too. Don’t worry, we’ve got plastic sheets down. Little lotus told me the other day she wanted be a fairy princess so we’re making her a glittery tiara. We also made you one!”

“Uncle Soo, princess!” Sooyun squeaks and holds out the haphazard tiara to Kyungsoo, who takes it hesitantly.

“Well, put it on, then,” Chanyeol instructs eagerly.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and places the tiara on his head, very aware that he’s going to have glitter everywhere for the next week.

He feels a little ridiculous sitting on the floor with a very badly-made tiara situated on his head, but the look on Sooyun’s face, the soft touch of her hand against his makes everything worth it. “Does it look pretty on me, Sooyun-ah?” Kyungsoo asks, then leans down to place a kiss on her forehead.

Sooyun nods and looks at Chanyeol for confirmation.

Chanyeol clears his throat. “You look very pretty, princess Kyungsoo. The pink suits you.”

There’s a tone in his voice that’s different, like hesitancy or worry. Some emotion flashes across that Kyungsoo has never seen etched onto his face before. He can’t quite figure it out. He frowns and wants to ask Chanyeol what’s wrong but as quick as the emotion appeared, it’s gone again, replaced by his signature smile, so wide it makes his ears look even bigger than they already are.

Chanyeol grabs Sooyun from behind and stands up. Sooyun begins to squirm and squeak in protest. He squeezes her sides gently, shushing her. “Time for bed little lotus! You wanted to stay up to see Uncle Soo and now you have. It’s already past your bedtime, you’re lucky Uncle Soo won’t fire me.”

Kyungsoo smirks. “Who says I won’t?”

Chanyeol laughs. “Come on! Look at this face. You can’t fire this face.”

Kyungsoo tuts, shaking his head and sighs when glitter falls from the tiara onto his dark grey shirt. “I’ll be cleaning this up for weeks,” he says, slowly taking off the tiara and placing it onto the coffee table.

Chanyeol cuddles Sooyun closer, who grabs at his cheeks and squishes. “All for the price of a happy little baby,” Chanyeol says, voice distorted as he cannot speak properly due to Sooyun’s small hands on his cheeks. Her laughter echoes throughout the room, echoes in Kyungsoo’s ears, and settles firmly in Kyungsoo’s heart.

They read her a story together, each taking turns doing separate silly voices and before they can even finish the story, Sooyun is fast asleep, her breathing slow and steady. Kyungsoo leans forward, kissing her cheek and runs a hand over her hair to smooth out the strands.

“You really do love her,” Chanyeol whispers, and places a hand gently onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder, squeezing slightly for reassurance.

Kyungsoo nods. “I was terrified I wouldn’t be good enough for her, that she’d miss my mother, you know? But she seems to like it here and that’s good enough for me.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “Soo, she asks for you when you’re not home. She’s content, I don’t think you realise how much she depends on you. You’re doing a great job. Trust me.”

Trust me.

He does. Wholeheartedly.

He trusts Chanyeol, with his words, his friendship, and his niece. He looks at Chanyeol, the soft white glow of Sooyun’s night-light from next to her bed creating a twinkle in his eyes and accentuating the soft wrinkles at the corners.

He looks kind of beautiful, to be honest. The thought seems natural to him. He wants to tell Chanyeol how beautiful he is, inside and out. He wants to run his thumb over the apples of his cheeks and call him pretty while meaning it.

Chanyeol stands up and pulls the sleeves of hoodie over his hands. “Beer?” he asks, and Kyungsoo nods, leaving Sooyun softly sleeping.

They sit together on his sofa, shoulders pressed together as they sip their beers and watch some nature documentary on the television that Kyungsoo has seen before but didn’t dare tell Chanyeol. Chanyeol laughs at something Kyungsoo says, which wasn’t meant to be funny, and snorts with a mouthful of beer, spitting it out and soaking his shirt.

“It’s like I’m looking after two kids,” Kyungsoo comments as he places his own beer down on the table. “I’ll see if I can find you a clean shirt.”

Chanyeol stares at him. “I don’t mean to be rude, Soo, but I’m a little bigger than you. Will you have anything that fits me?”

Kyungsoo hums, thinking. “I have a couple of shirts an old boyfriend left here. He was about your stature.”

“Oh,” is all Chanyeol says, and there’s that look again, the one Kyungsoo can’t figure out.

Kyungsoo retrieves the shirt from his bottom drawer, an old and black British rock band t-shirt that hasn’t seen the light of day since his old partner had left it here. He throws it to Chanyeol, who promptly changes as Kyungsoo looks anywhere butat Chanyeol.

“Thanks,” Chanyeol says, smoothing down the large crease in the shirt, giving up when it won’t budge. He grabs his beer again, more carefully this time, and Kyungsoo fights back a smile.

“You can keep it if you want,” Kyungsoo adds, as he turns back towards to the television.

“Won’t he want it back?”

Kyungsoo lets out a short laugh. “Considering he flew halfway around the world and didn’t bother to tell me until three days before he left, I doubt he really cares about a few t-shirts he left here.”

Chanyeol inhales loudly and takes another sip of his beer before saying “Ouch.”

“Ouch indeed.”

The silence between them is palpable, but Kyungsoo can tell that Chanyeol is itching to ask something. His fingers keep rhythmically tapping against his right knee and Chanyeol keeps stealing glances at him. Kyungsoo doesn’t prompt him, hopes that whatever he wants to say he’ll say, but it’s getting late. The sun has set and the street lights are emitting the familiar yet comforting eerie orange glow, while the streets are silent save for the distant sound of cars and sleep is pulling at the inside of Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks eventually, eyes not moving from the television.

There’s a comedy program on now, but neither having been paying attention to it. Kyungsoo turns to Chanyeol, who looks a little awkward. His beer remains half-full, and the condensation from the outside of the bottle has formed a little ring on his jeans that Kyungsoo finds very interesting.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Something drops in the pit of Kyungsoo’s stomach. Uncertainty. It’s a horrifying feeling he doesn’t really get to experience often and doesn’t want to. He pulls on the end of his shirt for something to do with his hands, hoping the end doesn’t fray because this is the only good shirt he owns.

“What happened to Sooyun’s parents?”

For some reason, he hadn’t expected this question. It’s not one people generally ask him. He’s a private person, with only an inner circle of close friends, family, Baekhyun and Junmyeon. He’s never really had to answer it because everyone just kind of knew.

“My brother was killed in a car crash along with his wife, three months after Sooyun was born,” Kyungsoo begins, and takes another swig of his beer. “Head on collision with a semi truck. No survivors. Sooyun had been with my mother that day. They were coming home from date night and just … never made it back.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything for a while, lets the background noise of the television talk for them, fill the silence with something so it’s not so awkward and tense.

“I’m sorry,” he says eventually, moving to his left so he’s closer to Kyungsoo.

It’s comforting, somehow.

“It’s alright. It was two years ago, and I’ve mourned so I’m okay now. Sooyun doesn’t really remember them since she was so young. My mother took her in as her guardian and has been caring for her ever since but she’s getting older and frailer now. After she fell, I don’t …”

Kyungsoo can hear, feel his own breath hitch involuntarily and his eyes sting. He takes a deep breath, and another one to calm himself down, makes sure he’s okay before turning to Chanyeol who looks sad.

Kyungsoo doesn’t ever want to see Chanyeol sad.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo says, reassuring Chanyeol. “I’m okay. Sooyun is okay. We’re all okay, Chanyeol.”

He finds it almost funny that he’s the one comforting Chanyeol, yet somehow it feels right. Chanyeol is emotional and he’s not afraid to hide it. He’s not afraid to cry at the television, shout loudly when his favourite song comes on shuffle, or pout when Kyungsoo tells him no you can’t give Sooyun ice cream.

Chanyeol has a lot of love to give for those closest to him. His heart and soul are as big as the universe surrounding them and he’s just so much, and for some reason Kyungsoo can’t get enough.

It’s been a few months, but Kyungsoo can’t imagine his life without him.

They sit in silence for a while longer, paying more attention to the television and finally finishing their beers in unison. Chanyeol yawns and stretches out, almost hitting Kyungsoo in the face with his arm.

“I should go,” Chanyeol says quietly, grabbing Kyungsoo’s now-empty bottle to put them in the recycling box in his kitchen.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo whispers.

Thank you for everything.

When Chanyeol leaves, Kyungsoo sees him to the door and accepts the hug from Chanyeol, who squeezes him a little too tightly. Chanyeol lingers for a beat too long, as if he wants to say something to Kyungsoo but decides not to.

He leaves, and Kyungsoo shuts the door, locking it behind him. Grabs Chanyeol’s beer-stained shirt to throw in the wash.

He’s doomed.

Kyungsoo will be the first to admit that Kim Minseok is a rather intimidating man.

They meet at his mother’s house since she’s out of hospital and recovering slowly at home. Kyungsoo still feels a little guilty that he hasn’t spent enough time with his mother since her fall, no matter how many times she says it’s silly for him to be worried about. He takes Sooyun, it’ll be nice for her to see her grandma again and he knows they both miss each other. Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol the day off, but he’s already received three texts from him telling him everything is going to be okay.

He's not quite sure why he’s scared of this meeting, perhaps it’s the uncertainty of what will happen to Sooyun. They’ve grown closer, Sooyun trusts him and Kyungsoo is okay with that. He’s okay that someone depends on him, it’s not as terrifying anymore. He’s grown into his role as her guardian, he has a schedule and works around her needs. It would be weird going back to his old life, without Sooyun in it. He doesn’t want that.

He doesn’t want to lose her.

She’ll climb up into his lap and softly suck on her thumb when she’s tired, rub her cheeks against his soft cotton pyjama shirt and Kyungsoo will take photos. He’ll send the photos to Chanyeol with the caption Bonding, and Chanyeol will reply with a flurry of messages mostly of heart and star emojis. She’ll invite him to play with her, tea parties and building blocks and colouring. She’ll behave when Kyungsoo asks her to watch the television while he’s finishing a scene, or she’ll sit patiently and clap if he reads it aloud to her, even though she has no idea what’s happening.

She’s loud, energetic and extroverted, everything Kyungsoo isn’t, but he loves her and can’t imagine his life without her.

Which is why Kim Minseok is an extremely intimidating man.

Because he’s their family lawyer.

Minseok is dressed in an all-black slim fitted suit, save for his crisp white shirt and dark grey tie. His hair, deep mahogany brown matches the undoubtedly expensive leather briefcase he carries in one hand, a large coffee cup in the other. He looks a little tired, like he’s been working late or woke up early, but his eyes soften when he sees Sooyun. She timidly says hello from behind Kyungsoo’s legs, then runs off into the open arms of her grandma.

“She’s adorable,” Minseok notes, placing his briefcase down onto the coffee table, and opens it to grab some papers.

Kyungsoo nods but doesn’t say anything. His words seem caught in his throat. He’s nervous.

“Sunhee, it’s good to see you again,” Minseok says as he extends his hand to Kyungsoo’s mother, who sits down slowly on the end of the sofa, wincing slightly when she extends her arm to return Minseok’s handshake.

They talk about how Kyunsoo’s mother is doing physically and mentally after her fall, how Sooyun is doing with Kyungsoo, and how Kyungsoo is doing with Sooyun.

“Kyungsoo, your mother and I have been talking for a couple of weeks now and we think it might be best if you take full guardianship of Sooyun, as her adoptive parent.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, his mouth drops a little and he immediately reaches out to hold Sooyun. She looks a little confused as to why she’s being lifted up onto his lap but snuggles into his chest once she’s given up trying to figure out why.

Minseok smiles. “I can see that isn’t what you were expecting, however, your mother is getting older now and another fall like this may be harmful to Sooyun and she doesn’t trust herself anymore.”

Kyungsoo turns to his mother, her smile is gentle, but sad, like this was a hard decision that she didn’t make lightly. She nods once, looks at Sooyun, and reaches out to stroke her hair softly.

“Is this true?” Kyungsoo asks, cuddles Sooyun a little tighter.

His mother nods. “I feel it might be best, Kyungsoo. I have no qualms about letting her stay with you. She’s happy. She hasn’t stopped talking about you or Chanyeol since you got here. If she’s happy, then I’m happy.”

There are a lot of emotions running around Kyungsoo’s brain and he feels dizzy.

Terror.

Relief.

Worry.

The one person he wants to talk to about this isn’t here, and he feels a little trapped.

“Take some time, Kyungsoo. We’ve drafted up the papers, take them home, and read them through. If you need another meeting with me to discuss terms, then let me know. This isn’t a quick process, Kyungsoo, so your decision by no means needs to be quick either. Just think of Sooyun’s well-being. She needs to be in a stable home with a loving family and although she had that with your mother, your mother believes she isn’t quite fit to look after Sooyun anymore. Take your time. We all know it’s a huge decision.”

Huge is an understatement.

If becoming a temporary guardian to Sooyun was scary then becoming a permanent adoptive parent is downright terrifying. He gingerly takes the papers Minseok hands to him. They’re thick, heavy, and the typing is single spaced and Kyungsoo knows it’ll take some time for him to read all of this.

Minseok says his goodbyes, holds out his hand to Sooyun, who laughs and shakes his finger. When the door closes, Kyungsoo turns back to his mother, waits for her say something, anything.

“Are you alright?” she asks, and slowly gets up off the sofa to stand beside Kyungsoo.

“Are you alright?” he counteracts, quizzical. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

His mother laughs. “Kyungsoo dear, I trust her with no one else but you. I don’t trust myself anymore, and it’s not like I won’t see her ever again. You’ll just have to make a little more of an effort to come see me every now and again.”

The lilt in her voice suggests she’s trying to make a joke, but Kyungsoo doesn’t find it very funny or comforting. His eyebrows knit together and his mother cups his face gently.

“It’s a huge decision. Like Mr. Kim said, take some time to think it over. It’ll have a huge impact on your life, but I know you can do it. So does Sooyun, don’t you little one?”

Sooyun stands up on the sofa, claps, and nods so hard her pigtails shake around.

Kyungsoo leaves with the promise that he’ll take some time and think about the decision.

Once he’s outside of the house, no longer in earshot of his mother, he calls Chanyeol.

Chanyeol shows up three minutes earlier than he said he would, armed with a bag of Danish pastries, two cups of coffee, and Sooyun’s favourite apple juice. He’s dressed in an oversized purple hoodie, Adidas track pants, and ugly sneakers that strangely look cute on him.

“Comfort food,” he says as he hands the bag of Danishes to Kyungsoo. He steps inside the apartment without even saying hello, making himself at home.

Sooyun runs over and jumps into Chanyeol’s arms just as he bends down to greet her. He kisses her temple twice and nuzzles into her hair, which causes Kyungsoo’s heart to simultaneously skip a beat and melt.

He kind of hates that Chanyeol can read him this well. He’s just about to apologise and say that he’s sorry for dragging Chanyeol over here on his day off, when Chanyeol, one arm full of Sooyun, reaches out with his other and hugs Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo can feel Sooyun squished against his cheek, can feel Sooyun’s tiny arms wrap tightly around his neck and he’s just stuck there for a while as they cuddle him in the middle of his living room.

“Adoptive parent, huh,” Chanyeol says eventually, letting Sooyun down onto the floor as she goes to claim her apple juice from the coffee table. “How are you feeling?”

A million things swirl around Kyungsoo’s mind and he’s not quite sure how to calm down his brain enough to pick out a thought to process. The overwhelming urge to write, something he does when he needs to calm himself appears, but his laptop is turned off and he can’t exactly ask Chanyeol to leave as soon as he’s arrived. He closes his eyes, breathes in once, and says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Relieved.”

Chanyeol doesn’t look at all surprised. He smiles, small, gentle, and private, tilts his head slightly and shows Kyungsoo a fond gaze.

“It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind, Soo, what did you need me here for?”

Because I want you here, Kyungsoo wants to say. It’s on the tip of his tongue, itching to be said but he swallows it down. It’s inappropriate, uncalled for, and not needed.

Instead, Kyungsoo shrugs.

Chanyeol smiles again, runs over and picks up Sooyun, who squeals in delight and drops her sneakily stolen Danish onto the floor. “Would little lotus like to live with pretty princess Uncle Soo?” Chanyeol asks, wiping the strawberry sauce from the corner of her mouth with his thumb. Sooyun nods. “Does little lotus like it here?”

Sooyun nods again.

Kyungsoo grins.

“See, Kyungsoo? You have nothing to be worried about. It was hard for you both at first because you hardly knew each other, but she loves you and you love her. You want her to stay, she wants to stay, it’s a win-win situation. Plus, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Kyungsoo laughs once. “Pretty sure I couldn’t get rid of you even if I tried.”

“That’s the spirit! We’re friends now, Kyungsoo. I bring you coffee and food. There’s no going back.”

Chanyeol has an incredible sense of reading people. He understands that Kyungsoo doesn’t really want to talk, he just needs company, so they sit together on the sofa for a little watching, half-watching the television and half-entertaining Sooyun, who sits between them chewing on her second Danish and getting crumbs everywhere.

“You know,” Chanyeol begins, moving to position himself on the sofa so he’s sat cross legged with Sooyun in his lap, facing Kyungsoo, who’s now turned towards them. “Sooyun truly lives up to her name, a beautiful blooming lotus flower. Did you know lotus flowers open their petals one by one? It took a while, but she’s opened up to you, Kyungsoo. It takes time for kids her age to trust someone. Especially since she wasn’t as used to you like she was your mother. Kids aren’t as stupid as adults think.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. His mind is a little blank as he watches Chanyeol speak.

Chanyeol carries on.

“Lotuses can only bloom from mud, Kyungsoo. Deep beneath a lake, or a pond’s surface. Its strength pushes past all obstacles in its way and it grows into a beautiful flower. You’re her mud, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo frowns. “I’m her mud?”

Chanyeol nods. “Her mud. You give her strength to grow, no matter how insignificant to her you think you are. No Mud, No Lotus. I think I read that somewhere, once.”

He finishes his sentence, takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around Sooyun, who snuggles back into Chanyeol’s embrace.

“She misses you when you’re not here, you know,” Kyungsoo says, nodding towards Sooyun, then looking directly into Chanyeol’s eyes.

Chanyeol’s expression softens, and he reaches down to press his lips to the crown of Sooyun’s head. “I miss her when I’m not here. I miss you, too.”

“It looks like you’re going to have to stick around for a while longer, then. Being a guardian is one thing, but being a full-time parent is another.”

Chanyeol grins, beams from ear to ear, and Kyungsoo has never seen anything quite so beautiful and calming.

“It definitely looks like it,” Chanyeol responds, and reaches forward to take Kyungsoo’s hand in his, running his thumb over the soft lines of Kyungsoo’s palm, not letting go.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to.

Chanyeol stays over that night, on Kyungsoo’s sofa. After putting Sooyun to bed, they sit on the sofa watching something on the television quietly until Chanyeol falls asleep on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, breathing softly against his neck. It must be uncomfortable as Chanyeol is considerably taller than Kyungsoo, but his head found solace tucked into Kyungsoo’s neck all the same, as if he didn’t quite care.

The tickle against the underside of Kyungsoo’s jaw is strangely comforting while Kyungsoo sits there completely still, afraid to move and wake Chanyeol from his slumber. After a while, Chanyeol moves and tucks his arm around Kyungsoo’s, squeezing softly for comfort and Kyungsoo’s stomach feels funny.

“Yeol,” he breathes, whispers into Chanyeol’s ear as to not awaken him suddenly. Chanyeol hums, shuffles closer to Kyungsoo and squeezes him ever tighter, nuzzling into his neck and taking a deep breath.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, a little louder this time and Chanyeol stirs, his grip on Kyungsoo’s arm loosens, but his cheek stays firmly on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“It’s late and I have to go to bed. You’re more than welcome to stay here, the blanket is yours, if you want it.”

Chanyeol huffs against Kyungsoo’s neck and moves away slowly. His head rests on the arm of the sofa, and Kyungsoo pulls the blanket over Chanyeol’s tired form.

“G’night Soo,” Chanyeol mumbles into the sofa cushion, tucking himself into a ball, as tiny as one giant man can get.

It’s adorable. Kyungsoo has to look away.

He’s not quite sure how much more of this he can take.

If there’s one thing Kyungsoo hates doing, it’s signing papers.

His manager, Junmyeon, has asked him to do a face reveal and countless book tours every time a novel of his is released for better publicity but Kyungsoo can’t seem to bring himself to sign his name over and over and over again until his hand cramps, or his brain numbs.

The words on the pages blur into one but two stand out, bolded, highlighted, and underlined in his memory.

Adoption Agreement.

He doesn’t have to sign anything. Not yet.

His mother has given him plenty of time to decide, to mull things over and consider the pros and cons of officially adopting Sooyun as his own. Home studies, child protective services, laws and regulations play at the forefront of Kyungsoo’s mind as there’s just so much work and although it’s worth it, just thinking about it is draining.

It’s all for Sooyun, he repeats over and over in his mind as he reads through the stack of papers, trying to understand everything that’s been written down. All for her.

Sooyun somehow senses he’s stressed and pulls at the leg of his jeans and whispers “up” as she holds out her hands, grabbing at the air. Kyungsoo puts down his pen and smiles, pulls her up onto his lap and she fidgets a little to get comfortable. Her hair is in a braid today, something Chanyeol taught him how to do not long ago. Half of the braid has fallen out due to her playing on the floor, surrounded by toy trucks and dolls, but she doesn’t seem to mind and Kyungsoo thinks it makes her look all the more adorable.

She reaches up and kisses the underside of Kyungsoo’s jaw, cuddles back into his chest and heaves out a sigh.

“Is everything okay, Sooyun-ah?” Kyungsoo asks, leaning back a little so he can get a better look at Sooyun’s face to figure out what’s wrong.

“Tired,” she replies sleepily, and pulls Kyungsoo’s left arm around her to keep herself warm, hugging it for security.

She falls asleep, soft and gentle in Kyungsoo’s arms, looking vulnerable, tiny and cute.

He leans forward ever so slowly, takes the pen from the coffee table, and signs on the dotted lines.

“I’ve brought you a gift,” Chanyeol says a few days later as he lets himself into Kyungsoo’s apartment.

Kyungsoo closes his laptop and pushes it to the end of the desk as he gets up to greet Chanyeol. He calls Sooyun from her bedroom, watching as she runs out and jumps into Chanyeol’s arms gleefully. Struggling, Chanyeol hands the heavy paper bag to Kyungsoo who raises his eyebrows and looks inside to see what Chanyeol’s bought.

A photo album.

“A photo album?” he asks, taking it out of the paper bag. It’s big, dark blue with gold lettering emblazoned across the front that reads FAMILY. Kyungsoo runs his fingers over the letters slowly, then looks up at Chanyeol for confirmation.

Chanyeol shrugs.

“I realised the other day that I have a lot of photos of you and Sooyun on my phone and they needed a place to go. So, I spent some time printing them and sticking them in here. Look,” he says, shuffling Sooyun around onto his left hip so he can use his free hand to open the front of the photo book for Kyungsoo.

There are pictures of Sooyun grinning, sleeping, and eating. There are so many photos of her looking happy, and it overwhelms Kyungsoo. Tears begin to well up, stinging his eyes, and threaten to overflow and embarrass him. He turns the pages carefully. There’s candid photos of Kyungsoo at his desk, or smiling along with Sooyun, there are even photos of Chanyeol that Kyungsoo remembers taking and it makes every bit of sense now why Chanyeol was adamant he send them to him.

Family.

Kyungsoo’s eyes are a little watery as he looks at Chanyeol.

“Thank you,” he says, clutching the book to his heart. “This means a lot.”

Chanyeol smiles. “I thought maybe you could add some pictures of your brother and his wife, too. So Sooyun will always remember who they are. There’s some extra pages at the back that I haven’t filled, but it’s up to you.”

Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol. The man who is always thinking of others, so loving and kind and tall and wonderful and Kyungsoo wants to reach up and kiss him, thank him for everything. For bringing him and Sooyun together, for giving him light, something to fight for. Chanyeol is Kyungsoo’s mud, the strength to let him grow, become the person he is today for Sooyun, for himself.

He wants to thank Chanyeol a thousand times over, pepper his face with kisses and hold him close, run his hands through his hair and tell him he’s beautiful and wonderful and loving and every other similar adjective under the sun.

Thank you Chanyeol, he wants to shout, scream from the rooftops so everyone knows who Chanyeol is, what Chanyeol does and how Chanyeol loves so unconditionally.

The emotion is strong within him, like a jolt of electricity from his fingers down to his toes and he feels sick, his vision goes a little blurry and he takes a step back to steady himself.

“Are you okay, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks warily, bends down a little so he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes, and runs his free hand over Kyungsoo’s cheek, his temples, his forehead to check his temperature.

“Tired,” Kyungsoo lies.

Chanyeol nods, as if he understands.

“Come on,” he says, placing Sooyun down on the floor. “I’m getting you out of the house for a little bit.”

Kyungsoo frowns, confused. “But we went out yesterday.”

Chanyeol laughs. “Kyungsoo, to be a normal human being is not to leave the house once a week and deem that okay. Plus, I mean without Sooyun. You can manage that, right?”

Kyungsoo stares at Chanyeol, bewildered. “I can’t just leave her alone in the apartment, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes so hard Kyungsoo thinks it must hurt. “You beautiful idiot, I meant call Baekhyun to babysit! I’m going to start charging extra to look after you, soon, if you’re not careful.”

Kyungsoo scoffs and scrunches up his nose at Chanyeol’s weird backhanded compliment and doesn’t think too much into it or else he’ll combust.

He pulls out his phone from his pocket and hits the speed dial to call Baekhyun, still holding the photo book in his other hand.

He doesn’t want to ever let it go.

“I need you to look after Sooyun again for a little while,” he says to Baekhyun once he finally picks up and hums to acknowledge his presence.

“Uh, don’t you have a nanny for that?”

By this time Chanyeol has gone to fix Sooyun a drink in the kitchen, and Kyungsoo is left out in the hallway by himself.

He sighs once. “We’re going out. Without Sooyun.”

Baekhyun is silent for a beat. “Like … a date?”

Kyungsoo chokes and almost drops his phone. “No, not like a date! To get me out of the house!”

Baekhyun giggles, and Kyungsoo doesn’t like the sound of that one bit.

“So, he’s going to look after you for a few hours?”

It’s a weird way of putting it, but he desperately wants this conversation to end. “If you want to look at it that way, yes.”

“… like your own personal nanny.”

Kyungsoo sighs again. “Don’t make it fucking weird, Baekhyun. As friends. Come over here and look after Sooyun for me, please.”

He’s going to regret this.

“You’re the only other person apart from Chanyeol that I can trust her with.”

It’s technically a lie. He trusts his mother and Jongdae over Baekhyun, but Jongdae is already a full-time nanny, and his mother doesn’t trust herself with Sooyun, so he bends the truth a little to get Baekhyun to say yes. Stroke his ego a little bit, and Baekhyun will be at your beck and call.

Kyungsoo can hear the smugness over the phone.

“I’ll be over in an hour,” Baekhyun sing-songs, hanging up the phone with an exaggerated mwah.

He places the phone back in his pocket and follows the sound of gleeful laughter into kitchen where Chanyeol and Sooyun are imitating sword fighting with wooden spoons.

“All done,” Kyungsoo says dejectedly, and Chanyeol lets out a loud laugh.

“That painful, huh?” he asks, wincing when Sooyun hits him on the side of the head with her spoon.

Kyungsoo nods, defeated, and Chanyeol laughs again.

“Little lotus would you like to see the present I made Uncle Soo?” he asks, carefully lifting the wooden spoon out of Sooyun’s hands and placing it back down on the kitchen side.

He picks her up and takes her into the living room where Kyungsoo had left the photo book resting on the table. She sits on the floor, photo book in between her legs as she turns the pages carefully, points at a picture of Kyungsoo and then points at him directly.

“You!” she exclaims, and turns the page again, her eyes dropping to a picture of Chanyeol that Kyungsoo had taken, wearing a fond expression as Sooyun stands in a ballerina outfit Kyungsoo had bought her a few weeks into her staying with him. Mostly because she cried when he had initially said no and the Kyungsoo back then had known no better.

“Yeolie,” she sings, and Chanyeol gasps a little, dramatically holds his hands up to his heart and closes his eyes.

“I need to remember this moment,” Chanyeol says, breathing in long and slow. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes again and hits Chanyeol’s shoulder to snap him out of it.

Kyungsoo stands, walks into his bedroom to fish out the dark cardboard box from under his bed, blows the dust off the top and sneezes as it gets up in his nose. He lifts it up gently, careful of how heavy it is, and carries it to the living room.

“This is my brother’s stuff,” Kyungsoo says, lifting the flaps of the box to reveal the contents inside.

Old photo books and photo frames, baby’s first handprint certificate, polaroid photos of newly born Sooyun. He reaches his hand in to take out a loose photo that catches his eye. It’s his brother and his wife, smiling for the camera in front of what looks to be a carnival stand. They look happy, in love, and a wave of sadness washes over Kyungsoo as he realises just how much he misses them, how much he wants them back to tell them he loves them just one more time.

Chanyeol takes the polaroid out of Kyungsoo’s clutch and turns the photo album to an empty page.

“I think this belongs in here,” he says quietly, and Sooyun helps him place the photo inside an empty pocket, smoothing over the creases with her hands.

She doesn’t remember who they are, but Kyungsoo has promised himself to tell her all about them when she’s old enough. How strict-but-kind her dad was and how beautiful, intelligent, and loving her mother was. Great parents, taken too early. The memory clutches at his heart. He looks away from the photo.

Kyungsoo’s hand is enveloped in Chanyeol’s much larger one, warm, strong and comforting, and the familiar up, down, up, down of Chanyeol’s thumb across his palm calms him, bringing him back to the present. He reaches down to stroke along Sooyun’s back as she continues turning the pages of the book.

They stay like that for a while, just the three of them silently looking through the book and the box until Baekhyun knocks on the door, disrupting the calm, and Kyungsoo sighs in both frustration and relief.

To be honest, it kind of feels like a date.

It also feels a bit weird to be out with Chanyeol without Sooyun. He’s half expecting Chanyeol to make some kind of funny noise or funny face, and Sooyun to pop up from below the table squealing in delight.

It’s weird. Although, it’s a good kind of weird.

New. Different.

They’re sitting together The Hideaway. It’s quiet save for the sound of soft jazz playing over the speakers and Chanyeol’s soft hums of approval at the hot chocolate with extra whipped cream he ordered for himself. After one particularly large sip, he lifts his head to face Kyungsoo and there’s a small lick of white whipped cream on the corner of his mouth. Before Kyungsoo realises what he’s doing, he’s reached across the table to wipe it away with his thumb, much like Chanyeol does with Sooyun.

Except this is different.

Chanyeol looks at him fondly, there’s something in his eyes again that Kyungsoo can’t decipher and it grates at his nerves. He wants to ask Chanyeol what it is, what’s bothering him, but Chanyeol composes himself and sits up straight, cups his mug with both hands and takes another deep sip of his steaming hot chocolate.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are a hard man to figure out, Do Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol begins, tapping his fingers on the table in a rhythm. One of his nervous ticks that Kyungsoo knows all too well.

Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow. “Meaning?” he asks and notices the expression in Chanyeol’s face change from relaxed, to slightly tense. It’s amusing, and a little adorable.

“I feel like I know you, but at the same time I know nothing about you. What do you even write? It must be something good to afford an apartment like that by yourself in the middle of this city. What school did you graduate from? Were you top of the class? What’s your favourite book? Colour? Time of day?”

The questions throw Kyungsoo off. He feels like he’s being quizzed in an interrogation rather than a friendly chat. He smiles once and places his coffee down onto the table.

“I’m private about myself,” he begins, “I don’t like making too much of a scene. I write novels and I can afford my apartment because they do rather well. I graduated from Yonsei in Comparative Literature. I was middle of my class. My favourite book is Our Twisted Hero. My favourite colour is silver. My favourite time of day is sunset.” He takes a sip of his coffee to signify he’s finished talking, and watches Chanyeol from across the table.

“Good. That’s good, Kyungsoo, I feel like I know a lot more about you now. If it’s any help, my favourite time of day is sunset, too.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “Maybe we could watch the sunset together one day.”

Chanyeol smiles. “I’d like that, Soo. I’d really like that.”

When they both walk into Kyungsoo’s apartment together, Yixing and Sooyun are helping Baekhyun put on one of Sooyun’s makeshift tiaras she had created with Chanyeol a few weeks ago. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo stand together for a little while, observing Sooyun playing happily, Yixing smiling, and Baekhyun pretending to pout and look angry as Sooyun laughs even harder. Chanyeol takes his phone out of his pocket and snaps a picture of the scene, leans against the door frame and takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his, pulling him close so Kyungsoo can take a look at the ten pictures he’s just taken. Kyungsoo can feel Chanyeol’s breath on his cheek and he’s running hot, one small turn towards Chanyeol and all he’d need to do is tip toe and …

“The lovebirds are home!” Baekhyun shouts as he skips across the room toward them. “Check out my tiara, aren’t I pretty? Kyungsoo, tell me I’m pretty.”

“You’re very pretty Baekhyun, leave Kyungsoo alone,” Yixing shouts from across the room, saving Kyungsoo from further embarrassment as Chanyeol bursts into laughter beside him.

“Uncle Soo! Yeolie!” Sooyun calls and waddles over to them both.

She reaches out for Kyungsoo to pick her up and he does, cuddling her against him and kisses her cheek twice as Chanyeol does the same with the other.

“You kids are so cute,” Baekhyun exclaims, holding his hands over his heart dramatically as Yixing hits him in the arm to quit it.

Kyungsoo really loves Yixing.

“You know,” Yixing says as he grabs Baekhyun to leave. “If you don’t adopt Sooyun soon, I will. She’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Baekhyun wants ten.”

“I dread the day,” Kyungsoo replies, patting Yixing on the arm pitifully.

Yixing laughs and ushers Baekhyun out the door.

“I want the last three chapters by Friday, Kyungsoo!” Is the last thing Kyungsoo hears before shutting the door.

Kyungsoo hands Sooyun to Chanyeol as he goes to clean up the glue and glitter from the living room floor. Half an hour later, he finally relaxes into the sofa with his laptop open and his novel pulled up on the screen. When the laptop is open, Chanyeol knows to leave Kyungsoo alone so he takes Sooyun into her bedroom to play with her toys, help her colour, and rearrange her teddy bears.

It’s an unspoken rule, between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Chanyeol can tell when Kyungsoo needs to get something finished, and with Baekhyun’s words looming over Kyungsoo’s shoulders it’s all the more important he gets this done . While he’s on track, he’s not exactly ahead of schedule and if he wants to enjoy his weekend with Sooyun and Chanyeol without worrying, he needs to get it done.

Sooyun and Chanyeol.

It feels right to say that, together.

There hasn’t been a weekend in a while where Chanyeol hasn’t been there, even on his days off he’s helping Kyungsoo around the house, or dressing Sooyun in her princess dress and pretending to be her knight in shining armour.

I want to be here, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol will always say when Kyungsoo questions him. I like being here. I like your company.

Sooyun and Chanyeol.

Two constants in life. Two people who have changed his life for the better. Two people he cannot imagine a life without.

He closes his word document, opens a brand new one, and begins his novel’s acknowledgements, instead.

Having finished the penultimate chapter, Kyungsoo promptly falls asleep on the sofa, laptop still on his knees, exhausted.

He wakes up a couple of hours later, groggy from sleep, to a dark apartment. A familiar eerie glow of the street light shines through the blinds and lands just short of him, illuminating the body next to him who is sat stiffly, thinking, hands on his lap.

“Is everything alright?” Kyungsoo asks as Chanyeol closes the laptop in front of him and shakes his head.

Too tired to even realise what’s happening, Kyungsoo reaches out to touch Chanyeol’s arm but Chanyeol flinches, stands up, and paces back and forward a few times before coming to a stop, kneeling down in front of a half-awake Kyungsoo. He rests his hands on Kyungsoo’s knees, the weight of them pressing down is strangely comforting yet ominous to Kyungsoo, and there’s a weird feeling in his stomach that wakes him up significantly.

“Soo, you know in The Cherry Blossom trilogy, when Jungwook meets Youngjin, who is this beautiful and bright literal angel? He lights up Jungwook’s life and Jungwook is so gone for him, but Youngjin doesn’t realise until the last book, Zenith? But by that time, he’s so adamant that Youngjin doesn’t like him back even though Youngjin has made him happier than he’s been in years? And even though Jungwook doesn’t really know Youngjin, and doesn’t know how he got there, or who he really is, he puts it all to one side because of the pure joy Youngjin makes him feel?”

Kyungsoo isn’t really sure where this is going. His eyes are tired, his mind is groggy, and Chanyeol is talking too fast and quiet for him to properly comprehend.

He opts to not say anything, so Chanyeol sighs and continues.

“That’s us, Kyungsoo. I’m Jungwook, and you’re Youngjin. We’ve been through some shit and have come out the other side of the tunnel better people. You and Sooyun make me so happy, happier than I’ve ever been and-“

Chanyeol stops.

He stands up, runs a hand through his hair, and exhales heavily.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo stiffens, confused. He sits up and reaches out to take Chanyeol’s hand but Chanyeol recoils, and Kyungsoo suddenly wants to cry.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, the only thing that’ll escape his mouth because his thoughts are on fire. What has he done all of a sudden? What’s happened? What’s happening?

Chanyeol takes a moment before speaking again. The air is tense and Kyungsoo hates it, like he can taste it on the tip of his tongue, metallic, sour and bitter all at once. Dread pools in the bottom of his stomach.

“I like you, Kyungsoo. I like you a lot, too much for it to be professional anymore. I tried to hide it, I really did, but I can’t do this anymore, not after finding out you’re Han Soo, that you write such beautiful words and books and I had no idea. I liked you so much before I knew, but I like you even more now and it hurts. It hurts because you’re technically my boss and I can’t do this anymore, for my own sake and yours, I …”

Chanyeol stops himself again, grabs his hoodie from the back of the sofa, and heads towards the door.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. Tell Sooyun I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Chanyeol leaves and doesn’t look back.

Confused, and upset, Kyungsoo turns to open his laptop. He finds his latest manuscript open, along with an email from Baekhyun celebrating Zenith’s 25th week in The Times Best Seller list.

He curses Baekhyun for being so careless in mentioning his alias so freely, when Kyungsoo had specifically asked to remain anonymous. He curses Chanyeol for jumping to conclusions, for thinking that Kyungsoo doesn’t like him back when he’s so clearly the Jungwook in this situation. But most of all he curses himself for leaving his stupid laptop open, for a curious Chanyeol to check and find out this way, rather than Kyungsoo telling him himself.

He switches off his laptop, places it on his desk, and goes to bed.

Not that he sleeps.

Chanyeol doesn’t turn up the next day.

Or the day after that.

Or on the weekend.

Sooyun asks where her Yeolie is, asks if he’s coming over today, and Kyungsoo lies and says he’s sick and can’t make it otherwise she’ll get sick, too.

On Monday, he receives Chanyeol’s immediate resignation letter, emailed to him by Seulgi.

On Monday evening, Kyungsoo gathers up his courage and Sooyun, checks Chanyeol’s address on his phone, and immediately drives there.

Four knocks on the door, two by Kyungsoo and two by Sooyun, has Chanyeol opening the door to a rather sad looking Kyungsoo, and a happy looking Sooyun.

“Yeolie!” she screeches and makes grabby hands at Chanyeol who can’t help but reach to take her from Kyungsoo’s arms as she wraps her own around his neck and snuggles into him.

Then he walks back inside the apartment and leaves the door open for Kyungsoo to enter.

The apartment is small and neatly furnished. A black keyboard sits in the corner of the room next to a desk with two large monitors. Three guitars line one of the walls, and a row of guitar picks sit underneath, all different colours and styles. A small bookshelf lines the other, with small ornaments decorating the top shelf and Kyungsoo spots a pink, glittery tiara, the very same one they had made Kyungsoo wear all those weeks ago.

“What’s this?” Kyungsoo asks, fishing out the email from his jacket pocket and waving it in front of Chanyeol.

Chanyeol shifts Sooyun to one hip and raises a single eyebrow. “My resignation letter. I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“Don’t be snarky with me, Chanyeol. You’re so rash with your decisions. Did you ever think for a second that perhaps I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t your secret to find out? That I was going to tell you in my own time that I’m Han Soo? Han Soo is a faceless, genderless being for a reason, Chanyeol. I don’t like the publicity. I want to remain me. Plain Do Kyungsoo who writes when he’s not looking after a two-year-old child.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything. He looks a little sheepish and places Sooyun down on the floor. Unfamiliar with her surroundings, she just sits there and plays with the hem on her dress.

“Did it also not occur to you that perhaps I like you, too? More than I ever planned to? That I’ve been battling this for weeks because you were hired for Sooyun, and it was unprofessional of me to ever think otherwise.”

He grabs his phone from his pocket and opens his documents, scrolls to the Acknowledgement section he had written last week, and throws it to Chanyeol.

“Read it,” he says solemnly, nodding his head towards his phone.

To my editor, B. I thank you for always making sure I get my chapters to you on time, even if you are incredibly annoying about it. Sometimes I want to hit you over and over again. To J, my silent but somehow demanding agent. This new series would be nothing without you fighting for me to get the new book deal. To my mother, who has shown me that even at my lowest I should always try my best. Who has shown me I should embrace who I am and what I stand for, to believe in myself, no matter how difficult life can be.

To my little lotus. You are too young to read this, but I love you. Thank you for brightening up my life in the most magical ways possible. Thank you for your small hands tapping on my keyboard, your soft laughter in my ears, your sleepy snores at three in the morning when I’m trying to work. My life would not be the same without you. Thank you for being my sun and stars to guide me home.

And lastly, thank you to Yeolie, whom without I would be an entirely different person. Thank you for taking care of not only our little lotus, but myself, showing me that I’m more than who I believed I was. For showing me a whole new side of the world from my very own apartment, I never thought I’d see. I cannot imagine my life without you in it, Yeol, and I feel this small paragraph will never be enough to show you how gracious I am that you are here with me, by my side, throughout the good times and the bad.

Because you’re my mud. I’ve grown because of you.

And I can never thank you enough for that.

Chanyeol grips the phone tightly, and looks up at Kyungsoo, eyes so watery they twinkle in the artificial glow of the light in his apartment.

“I didn’t tell you about Han Soo because I didn’t think it was important, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says quietly. He steps forward slightly so he’s closer to Chanyeol and takes his phone from Chanyeol’s hands to place back in his pocket.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t need you anymore, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo whispers and Chanyeol winces at his words, closes his eyes and breathes in.

“I don’t need you anymore, Chanyeol but I want you. You’re no longer needed as Sooyun’s nanny, but you’re wanted in our little family so much that Sooyun misses you, and I miss you too. Come back,” Kyungsoo says, and this time when he reaches out to hold Chanyeol’s hands, Chanyeol doesn’t flinch away.

Chanyeol looks away, down to Sooyun, closes his eyes, takes a step backward and then lunges forward to capture Kyungsoo’s lips with his own. The kiss is soft and tender and so loving that it knocks Kyungsoo sideways.

Chanyeol’s large, warm hands travel up Kyungsoo’s torso and neck, resting on either side of his face and Kyungsoo tiptoes, silently asking for more. He wants more of Chanyeol, all of him, and somehow that still feels like that won’t ever be enough.

They kiss for what seem like hours, hot in each other’s embrace as Kyungsoo feels the wet tracks on Chanyeol’s cheeks eventually dry. His kisses become more enthusiastic and deep as he mumbles unintelligible words that Kyungsoo can’t decipher against his neck. Kyungsoo knows that they’re just as loving as Chanyeol and he is so happy right now, the happiest he’s ever been, and nothing can spoil this moment. He drags Chanyeol’s face back up to his and kisses him softly.

Once.

Twice.

Three times more.

There’s a soft tug on Kyungsoo’s jeans and he opens one eye to look down to a rather confused looking Sooyun.

“Sooyun-ah,” Kyungsoo says against Chanyeol’s lips, and feels Chanyeol smile. “Please wait a minute, your uncles are kissing.”

Chanyeol, ever the loser for Sooyun, breaks away from Kyungsoo and picks her up, whirling her around in his arms as she squeals in joy. She peppers sloppy kisses on Chanyeol’s cheeks and the side of his nose and Chanyeol giggles. His eyes look wet again and Kyungsoo kisses away the tears, then kisses Sooyun’s forehead as Chanyeol hugs them both tightly.

Like a lotus, Kyungsoo finds growth in the most unlikely places. His small, beautiful, newly adopted niece and the tall, lanky, kind, and lovable man with a heart of gold and everything to give.

Kyungsoo smiles, content.

Epilogue: A year and a half later .

For a Monday, it is incredibly nerve wracking.

Kyungsoo is up at five thirty in the morning after having a solid eight and a half hours of sleep. He manages to shower and put on his best suit and tie, all before Sooyun even emerges from her slumber. He helps Sooyun get dressed into her favourite pale blue dress and feeds her breakfast consisting of a bowl of rice puffs and a large glass of apple juice.

Chanyeol emerges from their bedroom a while later, dressed in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up the elbows and black jeans with absolutely zero holes which Kyungsoo had made him buy not long ago.

“It’s my best boy and best girl’s big days today!” Chanyeol shouts, gathering up Sooyun and Kyungsoo in a hug, kissing the tops of their heads and patiently waits for Kyungsoo and Sooyun to kiss him on the cheek back.

Sooyun yips in glee, struggles out of Chanyeol’s arms, and jumps down onto the floor to run into the living room, straighten out her pig tails and get her shoes on, ready to leave.

“You’re more nervous than she is,” Chanyeol says, giving Kyungsoo a proper good morning kiss, soft, languid and beautiful. His breath tastes of mint and it makes Kyungsoo’s head feel a little light, like he’s on cloud nine with no intention of ever coming down. “Or is that perhaps because Han Soo’s long-awaited book launch is tomorrow?”

Kyungsoo hits him once. “No, it’s definitely because Sooyun begins preschool today.”

Chanyeol laughs and rubs his arm dramatically. “Sure, Soo, sure.”

Sooyun shouts at them both from the hallway and Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Time to take our kid to school,” he says and Kyungsoo’s throat closes up.

This’ll be the first time she’s been away from him for longer than an hour or two and he’s nervous, more nervous than he’s ever been, and he hates it.

“She’s going to be okay, Kyungsoo. Our little lotus isn’t so little anymore. She’ll make lots of friends, she’s stubborn so she’ll immediately be queen of the playground. She’ll have all of the adults wrapped around her finger in no time, I mean look at me,” he says, pointing to himself. “I applied for a job to look after a little child and ended up with a little boyfriend. I have no one but Sooyun to thank for that.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “Okay fine, let’s get her to school.” He narrows his eyes at Chanyeol. “And don’t think I’m letting that “little boyfriend” comment slide.”

Chanyeol laughs. Nervously.

Kyungsoo kisses away his worry.

The preschool isn’t far away, roughly ten minutes by car, but Sooyun is buzzing the entire time and tells Kyungsoo and Chanyeol just how much fun she’s going to have meeting new people and learning new things.

Upon entering, a teacher bows to greet them and shakes both of their hands, then bends down to shake Sooyun’s hand, too. Sooyun immediately goes quiet, retreats back into Kyungsoo a little, who gets down to her eye level and pulls her close.

“You’re going to be great, Sooyun. Just like Yeolie says, you’ll have everyone wrapped around your finger in no time. Just be yourself, okay? And people will adore you. Go be the brightest one in our family, we’ll be here to pick you up after. I love you.”

Sooyun nods, hugs Kyungsoo, then runs off to the play area where she sits next to three girls who are playing with the toy cars in the corner of the room.

“Are you her guardian?” the teacher asks Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo nods and holds Chanyeol’s hand. “We both are,” he says, and looks up to Chanyeol who isn’t paying attention but is looking directly at Sooyun instead.

Kyungsoo shakes his hand a little to bring Chanyeol back down to Earth, who looks at Kyungsoo with a soft smile playing around his lips.

“Are those tears, Soo? Are you crying? I never thought I’d see the day where you’re crying before I am. Hold on, I have to take a picture of this.”

“You do, you die.” He turns back towards the teacher. “I’m so sorry, we have to go. We’ll be back at two to pick her up. Please, do let me know if there’s any problems, you have both of our numbers.”

Kyungsoo drags Chanyeol back to the car, who laughs as he gets into the driver’s seat, but leans over to steal a peck from Kyungsoo who obliges, but frowns anyway.

“Did I embarrass you in front of the teacher?” Chanyeol asks, amusement in his voice as he starts the engine to take Kyungsoo to his meeting.

Kyungsoo huffs. “I just want Sooyun to have a good day, that’s all. It’s worrying.”

“Are you sure this has nothing to do with Han Soo’s impending worldwide book release tomorrow? I know you, Kyungsoo. Just admit that you’re nervous.”

The next stop is Kyungsoo’s meeting, the final one before his newest trilogy hits the shelf with the first book, Sunset of Hope, and, yes, Kyungsoo is nervous, as he always is the day before launch.

Chanyeol hums. “You’ve never really told me, you know. Where did you even get the pen name Han Soo from?”

“Han is the first name of the protagonist of Our Twisted Hero, and Soo, well I’m not particularly creative.”

Chanyeol lets out a laugh. “You are literally a worldwide best-selling author, Kyungsoo. I’m pretty sure I was in love with you before I even knew you.”

They pull up to his agency’s building, a large grey and boring looking stature littered with spotless windows and ugly scaffolding. He kisses Chanyeol one last time as Chanyeol wishes him good luck, tells him that he’s doing great, and that he loves him.

“I love you, too, Yeol. Thank you,” Kyungsoo replies, kissing Chanyeol once more for good luck and gets out of the car. He crosses the road, glancing back at the car before he enters the building ready for the meeting.

Thank you for everything.