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Michael was pretty sure that it had started as a joke.
A throwaway comment that he had made with Jeremy and Rich while high. Something about how pineapples were actually aliens and were slowly integrating with human host bodies and taking over the world in the year 2047. It was something so stupid, but that year it started the Great Pineapple Invasion of the Class of 2017.
It was about a week later when the invasion started.
~~~~~
Michael made his way through the swarm of students that were packed into the cafeteria like sardines. (Thank G-d they had an open campus policy, so 7- Eleven runs were a daily ritual. A cherry Slurpee for him and a blue raspberry one for Jeremy, a tradition since sophomore year.) Their usual table was in the back corner, as to avoid unwanted attention from various people.
It was still weird having three ‘popular’ kids sitting there, instead of just Jeremy and him. He’d gotten used to seeing Jake ‘Extracurricular-king’ Dillinger, Rich ‘totally-not-an-arson’ Goranski, and Christine ‘Jer’s-girlfriend-Queen-of-drama’ Canigula, sitting and talking at the once dubbed ‘Loser Corner’.
“Blue Raspberry and Cheetos,” Michael placed the loot bag in the center of the table announcing his presence like his own sergeant at arms “Doritos, Ding-Dongs, A rockstar energy drink, and a large bag of Funyuns, as requested” he finished handing out the prizes with a flourish.
Rich grinned like a munchkin that splashed the Wicked Witch of the West. “Ah, yes, our daily trash supplements!” The box of ding-dongs was snatched by the blonde and red squirrel. “You’re a saint, Mell, I swear.”
Jake moved his crutches to the wall. “Here, man, take a seat,” He’d broken both legs about 10 months ago, but he still used the crutches on occasion.
“Oh, you know that ‘healthy eating initiative’ the school board forced on us?” Rich stopped to fight down his snickers so that he could guarantee everyone understanding through the lisp. Michael nodded, as they were all aware of ‘fruit of the week’ program from the board and PTA to promote healthy eating (not that it actually worked, but at least they tried). “Well, I've got a suspicion that the board is possessed. And there’s also a possibility that you’re psychic Mike.”
Rich lifted the metal cup that held the fruit of the week like it was some kind of offering to a king. For in that unnaturally hot September, the school had chosen pineapple, of all things. Christine and Jake were adequately confused when the others started cracking up at the sight of the pineapple.
Jeremy was the first to compose himself and tried to explain the conversation that had occurred a week before at 2 am in Michaels basement. “I think it started with either Food Fight or Donkey Kong, and somehow we diverged into alien pineapples taking over the world in 30 years.”
And with that, it began…
~~~~~
It started off simple, doodling in each other's notebooks. Rich and Michael were the ones who initiated most of the scenes. One would turn around in study hall or when the teacher wasn’t paying attention (which was more often than not) and draw a pineapple and something else to start the scene.
It was the end of 2nd period when Rich leaned backwards in his chair “Hey, Chris, can I see your notebook for a sec?”
“Sure, We’ve only got seven minutes left anyway.” She handed over the plaid patterned notebook.Two minutes later it was returned.
“Thanks Chris”
This time, Rich’s fruit was joined by what looked like either a sunny-side up egg or a UFO. Christine took her glitter gel pen and added a beam under the now UFO, then added mini pineapples under it.
In the next class, Jeremy added some stick figures and a couple of cows, Jake took the liberty to add another UFO to kidnap a cow. In 8th period Michael finalized the days scene, Adding a podium for the ‘High Pinẽ-Afpel’, a Slug-cat, and dialogue, as well as a Pineapple pilot for one of the UFOs. Over the course of the quarter there were 38 steps in the world domination plot and 27 full page panels of the human rebellion against their Pinẽ-Afpel overlords as well as 13 unrelated pineapple works. The group had gone through 2 varius gel pen packs, 4 #2 pencils, 23 coloured pencils, and 5 different coloured sharpies.
Rich got everyone in their circle pineapple shaped sticky notes in varying colours. Jake would use the notes to send myriads of drawings, some were expanded in the notebook stories, but many of them were crude and Jeremy just prayed that the teachers wouldn’t see the notes. Christine was the other person who got more legitimate use of the sticky notes using them on her locker, one of the mirrors in the theater dressing room, her front door, and the entirety of a wall in her bedroom, they were all covered in the vibrant slips of paper, creating a map of reminders and miscellaneous things.
Someone put several pineapple magnets on their lockers. Jake had a suspicion that it was Jeremy who pulled that one. He’d gone over to Jeremy’s to work on a group project, and seen a suspicious bag with incriminating dollar tree magnets spilling out of it and onto the counter.
Jake replaced Jeremy’s star of David keychain with a pineapple one. Soon enough everyone in their circle had pineapple keychains, Jake actually went so far as to switch the pineapple keychains with the backpack decorations of the most popular girls in the school. Of course Jake would advance this little game of theirs beyond the five of them, and having once been close to one of them, he knew they wouldn’t destroy him for it. (their original keychains were returned eventually)
Christine made Rich wear a pineapple headband, you know the novelty ones with the bug like antenna and bobble whenever the person moves, for the entirety of a week. When asked about the obnoxious headwear, Rich would tell them some bizarre story out an assortment he, Christine, and Michael had developed the weekend before.
They got to a point during the semester, that Jenna, the schools source of hot gossip, spread a rumor that the group had started a cult centered around the worship of pineapples. When any of the five were approached about it, they’d shrug it off or in Rich’s case tell them that at least they hadn’t sacrificed anyone to the pineapple gods.
Jeremy gifted Michael with a skull pineapple patch for his hoodie. This bit was something that attempted to ground both of them in the ‘Invasion’. It was normal and familiar. So no one questioned the new patch, except Brooke, who had decided that it was the symbol of the high priest of the non existent pineapple cult that Rich jokingly perpetuated. These simple kinds of jokes continued for the rest of the fall semester.
Winter break came and along with it came Hanukkah and Christmas, and the continued theme of the tropical fruit. Christine received a pair of pineapple themed converse. Rich got green hair dye and pineapple socks. Jake was the unwitting recipient of several themed throw pillows and a massive pool inflatable. Jeremy got tropical foods and a pineapple patterned Kippa. Michaels gift took a little more thought at first, It was a Glass Animals tee, with the words Poяk Soda inscribed over a pig-shaped pineapple.
The joke came to a head in the spring semester. Random cans of Dole pineapple in each other's backpacks, strategic placements of ceramic and metal versions of the fruit, playing PPAP and Pineapple Princess over the intercom during announcements. Michael printed all the drama departments scripts on pineapple boarded paper. By now the whole school was involved whether they wanted to be or not! Pineapples now and then started showing up on whiteboards and even a pineapple pinata showed up hanging over the backstage door (none of the five had put it there.)
The real invasion had begun!
Rich and Cristine were studying in the library with Michael across the table. English group projects were tolerable when you can choose your group.
“Chris, dij ya know that Michael actually has arms?” Rich almost whispered as so not to get kicked out of the library.
“Yes, I did. Did you think he just filled his hoodie arms with stuffing and added mannequin hands to it?” Christine went back to reading her book.
Rich huffed indignantly and slumped back into his chair. “And what would’ja say if I said yes? I mean he never takes it off, It’s like a second skin. You never see his bare arms even in PE!”
No response.
He looked back at Michael, who had decided that now was as good a time as any to catch up on lost sleep caused by quarter finals. “Dude, Mike’s got a pacman tattoo!”
“What about it, Rich?”
“Massive retaliation. Did you bring your pens with you today?”
Christine put her book down, “Yeah, why?”
“‘Cause Pacman is a perfect candidate for a pineapple.”
Michael was left with a pineapple Pacman for the next two days.
Two months passed and the pineapples had made themselves at home within the student populous. Graduation was right around the corner and none of the five were prepared for what they were getting into.
Pomp and circumstance started their final long march as high school seniors. Christine was the first to realize just how widespread their inside joke had become. Maybe the rest of the school didn’t understand the backstory about the pineapples, but the senior class had embraced the oddness. There were plastic pineapples hanging from the banners, several students had a pineapple somewhere on their graduation cap, there were three pineapples on the speaker's podium, and even the principal and vice principal had pineapple pins on their jackets.
Jake gave his Salutatorian speech, something about encouraging lower classmen and the graduates to try every opportunity that is open to them.
The principal clapped him on the back. “Thank you for your words of wisdom Mr Dillinger, we should all take them to heart. And as a final gift the school board would like to present you with this,” the principle picked up the metal pineapple from the middle of the podium, “This year's Middleborough High accomplishment award!” Cameras flashed for a minute that the ceremony moved on.
An hour later the five were free. Form school, familial, social responsibilities, and most importantly, the pineapples.
“Well, I think we can safely say that Michael created a self fulfilling prophecy, and we can expect Middleborough Highs mascot to change to a pineapple within 5 years…” Jake chuckled as they entered the new 24 hour froyo store.
Michael draped one arm over Jeremy's shoulders and slung the other around Christine's waist, “What can I say, It’s a gift. Let’s just be glad that this won’t follow us through college,” It was then that they all realized that he had spoken too soon.
The flavor of the week was, you guessed it, Pineapple.