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Bellamy remembers clearly the first time he met Clarke Griffin. He was eleven years old and trying to find a place to sit on the Hogwarts Express, and Clarke was there, alone in her seat, reading a book. He didn't have any very good reason to sit with her, except that he didn't have anywhere else to go, and he liked reading. More than that, it was something familiar; the whole wizarding world was an overwhelming mystery, but books he understood and liked. They'd have something to talk about.
"Can I sit here?" he asked her.
"Yeah," said Clarke. "First year?"
"Yeah."
"Me too. What house do you want to be in?"
"House?"
"Oh, muggleborn?" she asked, and her tone was curious, not mean. For all the differences they'd have later, Clarke's father was a muggleborn, and she was never cruel about that like some Slytherins.
"My mom's a witch," he said. "But she never told me, and she didn't do anything with it. She said it was more trouble than it was worth."
"And your dad?"
He shrugged. "She said he was a muggle, I never met him. Is it really muggle?"
"What do you mean?"
"It sounds stupid."
Clarke laughed a surprised little laugh, one that made him feel like he'd done something right. "I guess it kind of does."
After the train ride, he really did think he'd made his first friend, but he was sorted first, into Hufflepuff, and she went to Slytherin. It wasn't a killing blow all on its own, but they had their own friends and social circles, and no classes together. They saw each other, but only in passing, and she was a Slytherin. She might not have been the worst, but he didn't like her friends, and she didn't like his.
Third year, as classes started getting smaller and more selective, they started seeing each other again, and that was when the animosity developed, when the last lingering goodwill from the train dried up, and they spent most of the last four years of their education hexing each other and obsessively comparing test scores.
He did, admittedly, miss it a little, after they left school. There's nothing like a rival for pushing him to new academic heights.
Still, it's not really good to see her, when she shows up at the first faculty meeting of the new academic year. But it's a little bit exciting.
"As you all know," says the headmaster, Marcus Kane, "we were looking for a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I'm thrilled to announce that Clarke Griffin has accepted the position. I believe most of you already know her."
Bellamy is one of only three professors who weren't here when Clarke was in school, but he has the most seniority of any of them. He got his position on the Hogwarts staff basically immediately after school finished, in probably the most Hogwarts way imagineable: Professor Pike was a ghost, haunting the school and teaching History of Magic until a worthy successor appeared. It hadn't ever occurred to Bellamy that he might be that person, but he wasn't upset to find he was. He was sad to see Professor Pike go, but the man had already died once, a century ago. Bellamy was glad to help him move to a peaceful afterlife.
The first couple years had been rough; he was young to be a professor, and teaching his former classmates on top of that. But even then, it had been what he wanted, and he'd been sure he'd get the hang of it. It feels wrong to say the war helped with that, but things have been better, in the last six years. He survived the war in part because he was at Hogwarts, and he grew into himself, gained confidence, began to understand his role as a teacher, not a student.
But he can't help envying Clarke a little for having that time to grow into herself away from the school. A break might have been nice. And he can't help feeling it would have been less awkward to have gone and returned than it would have been to just never leave in the first place.
"Hi," she says, with a small wave. "I'm looking forward to working with all of you."
He can't help a soft snort at that, and Clarke, being Clarke, takes that as a sign she should take the open seat next to him, instead of any of the other more appealing choices.
"What were you expecting me to say?" she murmurs. "I'm looking forward to working with everyone but Bellamy?"
"I'm pretty sure that's not true either, I remember you not liking other professors."
Her mouth twitches. "Sorry for being polite."
Right on cue, Marcus says, "If I can have everyone's attention--" and Clarke winces.
"So polite," he teases, just for her, and she elbows him.
It's not quite like the first time they met. But it feels a lot like the last time they saw each other, and that's comforting in its own way.
*
"So, Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
Clarke looks up from the scroll on her desk, frowning a little in confusion at the sight of him, and he can't exactly blame her. He has absolutely no reason to be stopping by, but he was in the dungeons to pick up some potion material, and he saw her door was open, for the first time. She hasn't really been around much at all, and it's not as if she has to be, not until the school year starts, but it's still surprising. He'd been so nervous before his first year of teaching that he moved into the castle early, but she seems to be perfectly content to stay away.
He has a lot of questions about how Clarke Griffin got here, if he's honest.
"Why wouldn't I be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" she asks, voice mild. "That was always my best class."
"I didn't think you were interested in teaching."
"Not all of us can have a career path handed over as soon as we graduate. Was there a point you wanted to make?"
He shrugs, trying to make himself look non-threatening. "Just curious how long I'm going to have to deal with this. Are you just doing Marcus a favor while he finds a permanent replacement for Dante, or are you planning to stay?"
"I'm planning to stay. I've had a standing job offer since the war ended," she adds, "and I told Marcus I'd take it as soon as Madi was old enough to start at Hogwarts. Dante agreed to stick around until I was ready to take over, and here I am."
"Madi?"
"My daughter."
Her expression is a challenge, but it's not really a very hard one. After all, he's in the same position. "I didn't know you ended up with a war orphan. Is this going to be her first year?"
"Yup."
"Of course it is."
She bristles. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's going to be my sister's first year too."
"I forgot she was so much younger than you," she says, forgetting to be on guard all at once. "It was Octavia, right?"
"Yeah."
"Your mom didn't make it through the war, right?"
His mother was one of those statistical deaths, which makes it a little hard to talk about; she wasn't doing anything glamorous or important when she died, wasn't even fighting. She was just living in the wrong place at the wrong time, and if Bellamy hadn't already taken his sister to Hogwarts for her own protection, she wouldn't have made it either.
"No."
"I'm sorry."
"Your dad didn't either, right?"
Everyone knows about her dad's death, but she doesn't call him out on it. "No, he didn't."
"I'm sorry too."
It's one of those conversations that's necessarily heavy, and it's hard to get back in his usual Clarke head space. It's strange to think they were both going through the same thing, that they both came out of the war responsible for another person, and that now they're in the same place.
He's not sure they've ever had so much in common.
"How did you end up with Madi?" he finally asks, leaning against the doorjamb.
"Once everything was over, I asked how I could help. I knew there were a lot of kids in need, so--" She shrugs. "I don't know. I felt like I had all this adrenaline, and I didn't know what to do with it."
"Adopting a kid is one option."
"Her parents had her at a muggle school, I didn't want to take her out, and it would have been hard for me to teach here and live there."
"Yeah, me and O had some trouble with that too."
"If I'd already been teaching, it would have been different. But putting it off until Madi was ready to come here wasn't a hard decision."
"Even if you have to deal with me?"
She smirks. "I probably won't have to see you much."
It probably should be true, but it reminds him of back when they were students, when he always told himself he'd never see her outside of class, and they always ended up scowling at each other from opposite ends of the same table at the library. He hasn't always been great at not seeing Clarke Griffin.
He's not going to admit that to her, though. "Yeah," he says instead. "Here's hoping."
*
Octavia insists on taking the train in, even though it requires Bellamy taking her from Hogsmeade to the station just so she can spend several hours coming back to Hogsmeade.
"This is going to be the first place I meet people, Bell! This is where friendship starts!" she insists, and he's reminded, for the thousandth time since the faculty meeting, of Clarke Griffin. It is, technically, where their friendship started, and still the place where it was most successful. They've seen each other a few more times since the conversation in her office, but it's just in passing. It's the kind of relationship he could live with, but it feels a little anti-climactic. They barely even interact.
"Yeah, the first," he tells Octavia. "You're going to be at school with them for the next seven years, I don't think missing the train ride is going to destroy your social life."
"It's not like it's hard to get me to the train station," says his sister, with a roll of her eyes. "If you weren't so paranoid, you wouldn't even have to come with me."
"I'm not paranoid. If you're going to go on the train, then I'm going to see you off. That's my job."
"Just don't be embarrassing," she warns, and it's not like he's planning to be. Bellamy always went to the train alone, and he knows it's pretty safe, but he also remembers what it was like, feeling like no one cared enough to see him off. All he has to do is wait until she goes in, and that's it. He won't have a chance to be embarrassing.
Except, of course, that everyone knows him. He's been teaching for long enough that every Hogwarts student has been in his class, and they're all shocked to see him at the train. He couldn't be drawing more attention to himself if he was actively trying, and Octavia walks about ten feet ahead of him, which only helps so much. He doesn't have any excuse to be here except being with his sister, so her trying to put off being known as Professor Blake's sister just makes it more awkward for him.
She lets him give her a hug, even though, as she points out, she'll see him again in a few hours. But he's not the head of a house, and even if he was, it wouldn't be her house. If Octavia ends up in Hufflepuff, he'll probably tell Kane that the Sorting Hat is broken.
So he's not going to see her after school every day, and he's not really going to be whatever he's been to her, the last six years. He's not her father, but he's not really her brother either, and now he'll have to figure out how to be something else again.
She disappears through the wall, and he's left alone on the platform as kids flow past him.
"You're blocking the way," Clarke tells him, after what definitely wasn't that long of feeling sorry for himself.
"People are still getting by me," he says, looking automatically for Madi by Clarke's side, but she must have already gone through. "Madi wanted to take the train too?"
"It's part of the experience, I wouldn't deprive her." She frowns, actually looking concerned. It's not actually the first time it's happened, but it's rare. "Are you okay?"
"They grow up so fast."
"I still can't believe your sister is only eleven. It feels like you shouldn't be related to someone that young."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Are you just going back to school after this?"
"Yeah, I'm sure I can find something to do until the ceremony."
"Or we could get lunch and a drink."
He pulls a face. "You want to get a drink before the sorting?"
"It's not for hours. We can get one drink and be completely sober by the time any kids show up. I bet you'll feel better."
On the one hand, it's hard to imagine that lunch with Clarke Griffin will make him feel better, but it's also hard to imagine that it will make him feel worse. A drink and channeling his stupid feelings into arguing with Clarke sounds better than killing time alone in his office, counting the seconds until the sorting.
"Are you still rich? Are you going to pay for me?"
"I know Hogwarts professors make enough to pay for their own lunches."
"It was worth a shot," he says. "Lead the way."
To his surprise, she doesn't take him to Diagon Alley, but to a muggle place, somewhere small and a little dark, but in a cozy, nice way. The hostess greets her by name, cocks her head at Bellamy, but the question in her eyes is for Clarke.
"Bellamy," Clarke supplies. "We went to school together."
It feels both more and less serious than he thinks it should, but the hostess just nods. "Still the usual table?"
"Sure."
"Where's Madi?"
"First day of school. So you probably won't see us for a while."
"No?"
"Boarding school. And I got a new job. With Bellamy, which is why we're celebrating."
"Well, congratulations. We'll miss you."
"We'll be back. Just probably not until Christmas."
Clarke's usual table is a booth in the back, out of sight from the street, and Bellamy tries to fit the pieces together. Clarke's father was muggleborn, but she never seemed to have much interest in muggle things. She'd been on the winning side of the war, to the extent that she had a public falling out with her parents a few months before they finished school. It was the period when they'd been closest, on the verge of friendship, but it hadn't lasted like he thought it might. He'd stayed at Hogwarts and she'd left for parts unknown, and now here they are.
He knew her parents had turned out to be double agents, that she lost her father, but he doesn't know how she got here, to some small muggle restaurant where the staff all know her name.
"Are you nervous?" is the question he settles on.
"Pretty much all the time," she says, with half a smile. "But yeah, especially about teaching."
"I was thinking about Madi starting."
"Oh, yeah, that too. She's never been around other wizards and witches before, but I think she'll be okay."
"Can I ask why she hasn't been around wizards and witches before?"
The server comes by with water, and they both order beers. Clarke takes a deliberate drink before she says, "I'm trusting that you won't tell anyone this."
"Tell them what?"
"Her parents were Oliver and Mara Arden."
His heart actually stops for a second. The Ardens were some of the worst dark wizards in the war, seconds to ALIE, completely dedicated to her idea of a world without unworthy specimens. She'd been, in some obscure sense, better than other dark wizards who rose to power, because she wasn't looking only at blood purity, but Bellamy's never really in favor of massive genocide, regardless of how you're deciding whom to kill.
"They had a daughter?"
Clarke nods. "They had her hidden pretty well, but my mom managed to con her way into the inner circle, and Mara found out about her. When the dust settled, we had this little girl who had been hidden her whole life, and someone needed to take her."
"Why you?"
She shrugs, shifts a little. "My parents didn't tell me they were double agents. I understand why they didn't, it would have been so dangerous, and if anyone had found out--" She looks away. "During the war, I was so sure I was doing the right thing, being the right person. And when the dust cleared, I realized everyone I fought, everyone on the other side--they all thought the same thing. And there was this little girl who needed someone, and that felt like something I could really do. Something I'd never regret. And I never have."
"So, you're really nervous."
"I am and I'm not. Madi knows how to keep quiet about her parents, I'm not worried anyone's going to find out. I think it's going to be really good for her, but--maybe she won't make any friends and she'll be miserable."
"Yeah, I get that. There's a pretty small school in Hogsmeade, O knows some kids from there, but she doesn't really have a lot of close friends."
"Maybe she and Madi will get along."
He shudders, exaggerated. "Don't even joke about that."
"We did raise them, they'll probably hate each other."
The part of him that's constantly picking at scabs wants to point out that they're getting along now, but if he does, he's afraid that they'll stop, and this is the most relaxed he's been in at least a week. Clarke's always been the right kind of distraction, someone he can fight with without getting stressed about it. And now they're not even fighting, and it's still nice.
So he raises his water, since the beer hasn't come yet. "Yeah. Here's hoping."
*
Octavia is fifth in line for sorting, which is good for Bellamy's nerves. In a way, it doesn't really matter, of course; he's about ninety percent sure that she'll be in either Gryffindor or Slytherin, heavily favoring Gryffindor. She's on the record that it's where she wants to be, and he thinks it's unlikely that the Hat will override her. As she put it, she's brave and reckless and likes lions, and he can't really argue with any of that. It seems like the right choice.
He's more curious where Madi is in the line. He wasn't really expecting to see her at the front--Clarke couldn't have just let her keep the last name Arden, not with its history--but he's not sure if she would have gone with Griffin or made up a new name, and he has no idea what the girl looks like. He never met the Ardens, and he doesn't know what to expect.
"Blake, Octavia!" he hears, and refocuses his attention on his sister. It's clear some of the older students know her, but that's typical; anyone with family in the wizarding community knows someone.
Except, possibly, Clarke's orphan.
O barely has a chance to settle the hat on her head before it's calling, "Gryffindor!"
The Gryffindors whoop and cheer, but Bellamy restrains himself, not drawing too much attention, not showing any more excitement than any of the other staff. But she does smile at him as she passes, and he can't keep from grinning back.
He's on high alert through the G's, examining every one of the girls, trying to guess which one she is before her name is called, but he doesn't actually figure it out.
Griffin, Madi does look a little like Octavia, long brown hair, pale skin, big eyes. Hers are darker than O's, and her hair is braided in a crown around her head, but they're around the same height with similar builds.
The Hat takes a little longer with her, but it comes to the same conclusion: "Gryffindor!"
If she'd used her own name, it would be a complete scandal; Griffin is a little more mixed. Clarke's a Slytherin, as is her mother, but everyone knows by now that they were fighting against Alie, not for her. And her father was a Gryffindor, he's pretty sure. So the Gryffindors cheer, Clarke whistles, and Madi ducks her head, looking pleased.
It doesn't have to mean anything, that they're in the same house, but Madi does take a seat next to Octavia, and the two of them grin at each other.
It could be trouble.
*
Octavia follows Madi over to the professors' table once the meal is over, presumably because it's okay to talk to a teacher as long as someone else is too. Clarke's still nowhere near him, so he doesn't actually get to talk to Madi, but O opens with, "She's the one you know, right? Clarke?"
"I know everyone, we work together. But Clarke and I were here together too."
"Madi's cool," she says, glancing over, which is honestly one of those statements he cannot quite trust. Cool, for Octavia, can mean anything from "okay to be around" to "produces a lot of fire and I'm into that."
Still, a new friend is a new friend. "Yeah? I'm glad. How about the rest of the Gryffindors?"
"Fine so far. Everyone's really welcoming."
"Yeah, that's how the houses are supposed to work. Built-in support. But if you need me--"
"I know where you live."
"You know where my office is," he corrects. "Please don't try to sneak into Hogsmeade, I'm not actually living there anymore."
"Is that gonna be weird?" she asks, making a face.
"Is it gonna be weird for you to live in the dorms?"
"Nope," she says, popping her p so decisively that she must be really nervous. Octavia's so generally confident that her overconfidence always shines through. "It's gonna be awesome."
"Cool. I'll see you on Thursday, then."
She does look a little spooked at that. Schedules won't go out until tomorrow, but he knows he doesn't have first-year Gryffindors on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, and he can't help being a little glad that the prospect of not seeing him for a couple days is unnerving her.
"You'll be at meals," she points out. "It's not like you're just gone."
If he didn't teach here, he would be. She'd be alone, just like all the other first years, and he'd be sitting at home alone, wondering when she'd remember to send him an owl.
This is better.
"So I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow." He smiles. "Have a good night, O."
"You too."
She goes and gets Madi and the two of them leave together, following the flow of kids out of the dining hall.
Clarke turns, catches his eye with a small smile, and he smiles back.
They'll probably be fine.
*
As always, classes starting means he has a lot less time to worry about anything else. The first night is lonely, just him in the office he'd never actually lived in before, and he thought about going to find Jackson or Emori or even Clarke to complain to, but the knowledge that Clarke is his first choice is enough to keep him in his room, polishing off lesson plans. It's in all ways a better use of his time, and if it's not his best night ever, well, that's not a big deal. Only one night in his life can be the best ever, and he had no expectation that it would be this one.
But it does get better. His new classes are (mostly) good. He sees Octavia three times a day, at meals, and when he realizes Madi comes to see Clarke after every one, and Octavia tags along, he starts sitting with Clarke. Just so Octavia doesn't have to go out of her way, obviously. Blakes are stubborn; they don't always let themselves do what they want.
He'll admit to being nervous about his first class with the Gryffindors, though. In general, he thinks he's a pretty good teacher, and he knows his students like him. But it's not the teaching that has him worried with Octavia, it's the discipline. He warned her that he would have to treat her like any other student who acted up, but she's never met a boundary she doesn't push, especially when it comes to him.
The first class is fine. Octavia requested that he disclose their relationship, so he introduces himself as "Octavia's brother, Professor Blake," and tells them about why the history of magic is a bad name for the class, his standard opening spiel.
"I'm not going to teach you how magic became magic. This isn't the history of spellcraft. What we're learning is the history of the wizarding world, and I like to start off with recent history. How many people have at least one parent who was a wizard?"
Gryffindor has this block with Hufflepuff, so the numbers are lower than they were in his Slytherin/Ravenclaw class, a little less than half. He makes sure to raise his hand.
"Okay, how about grandparents? Who has at least one wizarding grandparent?"
He and Octavia put their hands down. Madi, sitting next to Octavia, puts hers down too, which is definitely not accurate. He wonders what she's told her housemates, if anyone knows the truth yet or ever will.
He wonders what Clarke told her.
"My mother went to Hogwarts," he says, refocusing. "But her parents were muggles, and my dad was a muggle. One of the first things I heard about was what that made me. I'm guessing a lot of you who didn't raise your hands are finding that too, right?"
There are nods, and one Hufflepuff calls, "Is mudblood really that bad an insult?"
"Words are bad because we've agreed they're bad. If someone calls you that, tell a professor, because it's not acceptable language here. But, yeah, it took me a while to get used to slang when I started too. But wizards who say words like that mean them as real, serious insults, even if it doesn't sound that bad to you." He clears his throat. "Okay, so--who knows when the war ended?"
Most of the hands go up; even the new kids would have heard about it by now. "Masters," he says, nodding at one of the muggleborn Hufflepuffs.
"Six years ago."
"Who knows when the war started?"
Fewer hands, and the Gryffindor he calls on isn't that confident when she says, "Eight years?"
"Yeah, that's about right. But one of the big things about wars, and we're going to come back to this, is that it's often pretty hard to say when they start, especially for wizards. We're not countries, we don't have to formally declare a start to hostilities. But that's recent enough that all of your professors will have lived through it, some of your yearmates will remember it, and a lot of people will have lost family. So we're going to start talking about it next week, and if anyone wants to talk to me about how they're feeling before that, my door's always open. But I like to start off with blood purity, because probably about ninety-percent of wars are about blood purity, and even wizards don't really think much about what it means."
It's always a good way to start, the students engaged and curious, especially in classes with no Slytherins. Octavia's mostly quiet, but she pipes up a couple times during the discussion, and she seems fairly engaged.
He's not convinced it'll last, but at least he's delaying the inevitable.
"How bad was it?" Clarke asks, at dinner that night.
"What?"
"Your class with Octavia."
He frowns, confused. "You know when Octavia has classes with me?"
"Madi gave me her schedule. I figured you'd be worried about it."
As explanations go, it makes total sense, but something still twists in Bellamy's stomach. It hadn't occurred to him that she'd care about this, and he has no idea when Octavia and Madi had Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Then again, Octavia didn't give him her schedule. He had no way of knowing.
"It was fine. I might need to ask you about my lesson plan for next week, though," he realizes, making a face.
"Yeah?"
"Not here. What are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Grading and lesson plans."
"Cool, me too. You want to do that together, check in on how the first week went? No offense, but if it's as bad as mine was, you probably need a drink and an hour to cry."
She laughs. "I still can't believe you went right from finishing school to teaching. It feels like there should be a rule against that. I didn't know Professor Pike was allowed to die and leave you in charge."
"I'm pretty sure he had seniority over Kane, so I guess Kane couldn't stop him. It was weird," he admits. "But most of the older kids liked me, and the younger kids knew I was a prefect, so it just made sense to them that I'd be a professor after that." He nudges her. "Seriously, how's your first week?"
"I think okay? Professor Wallace left his lesson plans, and they're sort of useful."
He snorts. "Ringing endorsement."
"You remember how his classes were."
"I try to forget. I feel like he usually spent half an hour talking about how cool whatever dark magic was, and then he'd remember he was supposed to be protecting us from it, not making us want to do it."
"So you do remember how his classes were. It's not like the bones aren't good, but--I need to figure out what kind of teacher I want to be."
"We could talk about that too. I've even got some fire whiskey."
She smiles, a small, soft little smile. "That sounds really nice. Thanks."
Maybe he's just reading into it, but the amount of gratitude in her voice seems staggering. "Sure. No problem."
*
"Am I an asshole?"
"Yeah, obviously," says Miller. They don't talk often, these days--Miller's in New Zealand, officially studying magical creatures, but Bellamy is pretty sure it was just an excuse to visit the set of Lord of the Rings--but he wanted a consult, and when he tried his talking stone, Miller picked up.
Honestly, talking stones. Hogwarts needs to lift the technology ban yesterday.
"Seriously," Bellamy tells him. "A real asshole."
"Explain what that means."
"Did I tell you Clarke Griffin is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year?"
There's a pause. "No, somehow you forgot to tell me your weird rival's teaching at your school now. Can't believe you forgot that one. You're being an asshole to her?"
"Not as much as I thought I would. But--I think I should maybe try to be nice."
"Are we going to talk about how you had a thing for her and she ghosted after seventh year and broke your heart, or are you still pretending that's not what happened?"
"That's not what happened."
"Okay, option two, cool."
He rubs his face. "Seriously, it wasn't--I didn't have a thing for her. I just thought we might be friends, and I guess we weren't."
"Look, I don't really care about Clarke Griffin. I never got that invested in her one way or the other. But you might have been a little--I don't know. She was eighteen, her parents were double-agents in a war, and you were suddenly really busy. I don't think she was trying to ditch you."
"I know she wasn't. It's not like I went looking for her either. She's got a kid too," he adds.
"How old?"
"Octavia's age, they're both in Gryffindor. A war orphan."
"Huh. So, exactly your type?"
In spite of himself, he smiles. "Seriously, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. But I should try to be nice, right? Help her out? None of the other professors are going to do it."
"It's been less than a week of classes, right?"
"The first week is rough."
"Yeah, I know. I'm just saying, it's not like it's been that long. If you want to check in, you haven't really been slacking. And if you think she doesn't like you because you guys haven't talked in a while--it was a pretty fucked up decade. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you."
"Thanks." He sighs, closes his eyes. "I didn't have a huge thing for her."
"No, you didn't. It was pretty small, honestly. You're really good at keeping that shit in check. But you were definitely wondering."
"Cool, I feel better. She should be here soon, so--"
"So you just wanted a pep talk?"
"And some validation. Thanks for nothing."
"Anytime. Tell Clarke I say hi."
Clarke had to talk to Kane about something after dinner, but she said she'd stop by around eight, which gives Bellamy about twenty minutes to fret. He still feels as if he hasn't figured out his living space here, although, as Miller said, it's only been a week. He hasn't lived here for that long. And the basic furnishings that were already there were nice, the couch soft, the bed comfortable. He even has some of his own stuff, to make it feel a little more like his own space.
But this will be his first time actually hosting anyone. It's hard to be sure what Clarke will see when she looks around his space, but Miller's not that in his head--he might have wondered if something could have happened with him and Clarke, for a couple months, but nothing did, and he was fine with that--and he has trouble caring that much. Clarke wants to work, not redecorate.
She shows up right at eight o'clock, looking a little tired, with her hair wisping out in all directions.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Meeting with Marcus ran long."
"If you're tired--"
"No, I'm fine. This got me through today."
The thing about not getting along with someone at school is that it's a very malleable thing, especially when you didn't get along in the way that he and Clarke didn't get along. He had people he genuinely disliked at school, people who were actually bad people, but it wasn't like that with Clarke.
Like Miller said, he doesn't think she actually hated him. Just that they did better bickering than getting along.
"That bad?" he asks, ushering her in. She flops down on the couch with a deep sigh, eyes sliding shut.
"I'm just tired. I knew it was going to be hard, but--"
"Yeah, it takes getting used to."
"Seriously, how did you do this at eighteen?"
"Not very well. I got better. You will too, probably faster than I did."
"Thanks." She turns her head to look at him, smiling a little. "So, you wanted advice?"
"Nothing big. But I usually start first-years off talking about the war."
"Wow. You jump right in, huh?"
"Do you remember how Pike used to start? Learning about the history of Hogwarts was interesting, but it wasn't really what I wanted to know when I first got here. Starting with the war--the wizarding kids remember it, and the muggleborn kids really appreciate finding out what actually happened, since none of their friends really understand it either. So I do mostly stuff from this century for first years, and then second year we start getting into more historical stuff."
"That's smart."
"Yeah, but--it's always weird when I have kids whose parents were actually involved. Mostly, the ones who come to Hogwarts, their parents were on the winning side, but--"
"Madi's weren't."
"I assume she knows that already."
"Yeah, she does. But I told her not to tell anyone."
"I figured. So--can I talk about the Ardens? Is she going to be okay?"
"I think so. She knows who they are, you're not going to tell her anything we haven't talked about."
"No?"
"They're eleven," says Clarke, sounding amused. "I assume you're going to be age-appropriate. Do you go into any more detail than the Ardens were Alie's seconds?"
He inclines his head, granting the point. "Not much more than that. We do talk about their specific movements. Your mom and dad's, too."
"I can warn her, but she should be fine. We talked about it before school started. Even if you weren't bringing it up, other people would talk about the war."
"That must be tough."
"Yeah." She shrugs. "I wish I knew if I was doing the right thing."
"What part?"
"Keeping her parents a secret. It feels like I'm telling her there's something wrong with her, but--"
"She's eleven," he says. "I don't blame you for wanting to keep her existence quiet for a while."
"That just means when it does come out, it'll be worse."
"Yeah, but she'll be better prepared for it too. What's she telling people?"
"That she's my niece. My dad's sister is a muggle, no one knows her. I just say my aunt didn't approve of her being a witch, so she gave her to my dad, and he kept her hidden during the war, and I took her when he died. If anyone asks for that many details, which they usually don't."
"Yeah, that's a pretty good story. You're doing fine, Clarke," he adds, and he's rewarded with another smile.
"Thanks."
"How's having her in class?"
"Fine, so far. She and your sister really do seem like they're bonding."
"Yeah, I noticed. At least they're making friends, right?"
"And fitting in."
"Yeah." He clears his throat. "Did you bring your lesson plans?"
"Do you really have fire whiskey?"
"I do."
"Give me the whiskey and I'll show you my lessons."
Bellamy grins. "Deal."
*
It becomes a weekly ritual, drinks and lesson plans, a run down of their respective classes and issues. They talk about problem students and things they're struggling with, check in on how it seems like Octavia and Madi are doing. He's not sure it's quite friendship, in the traditional sense, because they don't spend time together outside of that one meeting and meals, but it's more than he's ever had with any of the other professors, and it's certainly a welcome change.
It's been about a month when she sits down next to him at breakfast on a Tuesday morning and says, "I busted them for being out of bed after hours last night."
He rubs his face, finding Octavia at the Gryffindor table without any trouble. She shows no outward signs of being caught doing something wrong, but he wouldn't really expect her to. She probably doesn't think it mattered. "Where?"
"Just one of the hallways. I asked where they were going and they said exploring."
"That might be true. A month in, I was getting curious about the place."
She grins. "You did lose a lot of points for Hufflepuff."
"I wouldn't have if we just had enough time to check out the castle before lights-off. I didn't want to break the rules."
"It just kept happening."
"Why follow bad rules?" He pokes at his eggs. "What did you do?"
"Escorted them back to the tower and took fifteen points from each of them."
"Is this your first time taking points from Madi?"
"Yup."
"How'd she take it?"
"Not great," Clarke admits. "She said I was taking more from her than I would from someone else, which is bullshit, but I'm not surprised she said it. Have you had any issues with Octavia yet?"
"No, but I'm pretty sure that's just dumb luck. I know she's breaking rules, but she hasn't done it where I can see her yet."
"Which is pretty good restraint, if you think about it," she says, bright. "Or at least considerate."
"I'm sticking with lucky," he says, scowling at his breakfast, and Clarke pats him on the shoulder.
But his pessimism proves to be the right choice, because Clarke catching Octavia and Madi is something like a dam breaking. It's hard to say if the two of them really were following rules up until this point and only now started pushing boundaries, or if this was just when their luck ran out, but either way, suddenly it feels like they're in trouble every day. There's a group of douchey Slytherin guys they start feuding with, they develop an odd obsession with exploring every inch of the castle, and whenever Bellamy tries to ask his sister if everything is okay, really okay, she just rolls her eyes and tells him he's being ridiculous.
"Didn't you spend like half of first year hexing Roan Cygnus because you had a crush on him and didn't know how to deal with it?" Clarke asks. It's Friday, three weeks after she caught Octavia and Madi out after hours, and Bellamy had to take ten points from his sister because he caught her floating a note to Madi during class. All it said was Did you see Andrew's hair??, but she's still not talking to him because he read it, like that's somehow a targeted attack and not what he does every time he confiscates something.
He's not in the best mood.
"Think about all the times I didn't get caught doing it. Think about how much more shit they must be doing that we don't know about."
"Yeah, but we don't have to deal with it because we don't know."
He glares at her. "Are you trying to make me feel better?"
"Not really."
"Thanks. You're seriously not worried about this?"
"I'm not happy. But I'm trying to remind myself--we're all in really weird shape." He frowns, and she clarifies, "We shouldn't even be here. A lot of the stuff that they're doing wouldn't merit a letter home or anything. If we weren't teaching, we wouldn't even know. This is all pretty normal stuff."
"I guess."
Clarke bumps his shoulder. "Really. It's weird to deal with, but Indra and Marcus haven't been in touch in an official capacity. Madi and Octavia aren't even the worst first years we have, in terms of breaking rules. They're just ours."
Something about the phrase, the way she's grouped the two of them together, in addition to Octavia and Madi, makes something in his chest twinge.
"So, you don't think we have to worry until Indra gets involved?"
"Or they burn something down. Tell me if this quiz is too hard," she adds, passing him a piece of parchment, and he feels the glow of their new alliance down to his toes for the rest of the night.
*
"I blame you for this," he tells Clarke, and she doesn't even crack a smile. Apparently it's her turn to fret.
"You think they're okay?"
"I think if they weren't, we'd be meeting in the infirmary, not Marcus's office."
Her exhalation of breath is too harsh, but she still sounds relieved. "That's true." She flashes him a tight smile. "I did jinx us, huh?"
"It was probably inevitable. What do you think they did?"
"I'm not sure. Did your mom ever get called in for anything you did?"
"If she did, she never came. But they probably just would have owled her, and it's not like they would owl us when we're already here. That would be weird." He frowns. "What about you, did they owl your parents?"
"I was a good kid."
He snorts. "Sure you were."
"I was good enough to not get caught."
"I always thought that was such bullshit. Marcus liked you, so you could just get away with everything."
"That was probably some of it," Clarke admits. "Also, he and my mom dated before she married my dad, so I think he probably didn't want to get in touch with her if he could help it."
"Lucky you."
"Maybe." She shrugs. "I was jealous of you too, you know."
"Really?"
"I was better at not getting caught in fights than you were, but you were always getting caught sneaking out, being in places you weren't supposed to. I never tried that."
"Why not?"
"It wasn't my kind of rule-breaking, I guess. I didn't know how to just--leave the dorm. Not without a good reason. I only ever sneaked out to hook up."
"I did a decent amount of that too."
"I remember. Yukon gold," she adds, to the gargoyle in front of Marcus's office. It steps out of the way and Clarke gestures him forward, following him up.
Octavia and Madi are sitting in front of Marcus's desk, dripping onto the floor. O is scowling, arms crossed over her chest, while Madi looks more anxious, glancing around, looking at everything but Clarke. Indra is in the corner, her own arms crossed, still one of the top-ten most badass people Bellamy has ever met. She was head of Gryffindor when he and Clarke were in school too, and he's never gotten over feeling like he's in trouble every time she looks at him.
If he could get her to teach him to be exactly like her, he would do it in a second.
"Clarke, Bellamy," says Marcus, smiling at them. "Thank you for joining us. Octavia, would you like to explain why you're here?"
"No," she says.
"O--" Bellamy starts, but Clarke puts her hand on his arm, a gentle reminder that he's not running this meeting.
"Madi?" Marcus prompts.
"We just went swimming!"
"In the lake," says Indra. "In October."
"We wanted to see how deep it was."
Indra's voice is dry as sand. "Information you couldn't have found any other way than jumping in."
"You jumped in the lake?" Clarke asks.
"I suspect it wasn't as voluntary as they're acting like it is," says Marcus. "If you were pushed--"
"If someone pushed us, we would be ratting them out," says Octavia, scowling. "We just wanted to see what it was like."
"Do you know how many points you've lost for Gryffindor over the last two weeks?" Indra asks. "I assure you, your housemates do. If your guardians weren't already here, they'd be receiving warning letters today."
"What are you warning us of, exactly?" Bellamy asks, trying to sound more curious than combative. When he was in school, he was never actually worried about getting kicked out of school, and he doubts Octavia is either. It's been a long time since anyone was expelled from Hogwarts. "We know they're acting up. We're taking some of those points."
"Consider this a first warning," says Marcus. "You'll both have detention for the next three days, in addition to the points you've lost. And I hope you'll both reconsider--we have rules for a reason. These aren't arbitrary regulations, they're for your and everyone else's safety."
"And if I see either of you near the lake again, I will not be pleased," Indra adds. "You'll report to Mr. Murphy for detention tomorrow at four. Any questions?"
O and Madi shake their heads.
"Good," says Kane. "Dismissed."
Bellamy and Clarke let the kids out first and then follow, and when Octavia tries to make a beeline for the corridor leading back to her common room, Bellamy catches her by the shoulder.
"Your office or mine?" he asks Clarke.
"Mine's closer."
"Cool. Come on, O."
"It's not a big deal!"
Bellamy doesn't bother to respond, and she doesn't actually try to get away. Apparently she's accepted that this is going to happen.
It's not as if Bellamy's never disciplined Octavia before, but this is more difficult than he expected. He doesn't even know what happened, and he doesn't have any further disciplinary authority. They lost points and got detention; that's how it's supposed to work.
Once they're in the office, Clarke is the one to ask, "The lake?"
"It seemed like a good idea," says Madi.
"How so?" asks Bellamy.
Octavia sighs. "Someone dared us, okay?"
"That's not a binding agreement," says Bellamy. "You don't have to take the dare."
Clarke clears her throat. "And today it's the lake, but you two know this isn't just about the lake. You've been pushing it, we've all noticed."
"We're just looking around!" says Madi. "It's a castle. There are ghosts."
"If you want to look around, you can do it before bed," Bellamy says, even though he knows it's not exactly true. But he did things he'd never want his sister doing, as hypocritical as he knows that makes him.
"And there's nothing to explore in the lake." Clarke worries her lip. "I get being curious, I do. But you need to be safe and smart. Don't get in fights, don't go dangerous places. And there are dangerous places here. It's like Professor Kane said--these rules are here to protect you. If there was an emergency and we couldn't find you--"
"I'm sorry," says Madi. "We didn't think it was a big deal. No one was supposed to see."
"It's not any less dangerous if you don't get caught," says Bellamy. "It's actually more dangerous."
"Nothing bad happened," says Octavia.
"That doesn't mean nothing ever will."
"We get it," Madi says. She seems to be taking point on contrition, but he's still not convinced. "We're sorry."
"Because you got caught?" Clarke asks.
"And made you worry."
"We're going to keep worrying."
"We'll do better," says Madi, which is very different from we'll stop, but there's not really a great way to call her out on it.
Clarke must agree. "Good. Don't forget detention. And your homework."
"We know," says Madi.
Octavia does hesitate. "Bell?"
"Be careful," he says. "And if you're doing something really dangerous, just tell us. So we know where you are."
"Okay." She smiles a little. "Sorry."
He hugs her around the shoulders. "We'll see you at dinner."
They take off, and Clarke sighs, rubbing her face. "Dare?"
"I doubt it. There are about a thousand weird Hogwarts legends they could be chasing."
"You think?"
"That's my best guess, yeah."
"Is that what you were looking for?"
The memory comes to him all at once, and he actually laughs. "Second year, I was convinced I was going to find buried treasure."
"Really?"
"I found some old map in the library, I thought it was going to set me for life if I could just figure it out."
Clarke's smiling, all soft and fond, hair framing her face, and he wants to keep telling her stories to make her smile like that for the rest of his life. "And?"
"And when I followed all the clues and went everywhere, it turned out it was just some prank another student came up with. It took up like five months of my life."
"That's a pretty impressive prank."
"Yeah, someone put some time and effort into it. I left all the stuff where it was and put the map back where I found it."
"Is it still there?"
"Not where I left it. Once I got the job, I thought I should take it back again, but I couldn't find it. So--" He shrugs. "I hope someone had fun with it."
"Me too." She sighs, leans against her desk. "Do you think we should be doing something more? Punishing them?"
"They already got punished. I don't know what else we can do. If we weren't professors here, we wouldn't be able to do anything. It's Indra's job to discipline them, not ours."
"Maybe I shouldn't have taken the job," she says, with a rueful smile.
"You think it would have been better if you just got an owl saying Madi was acting up?"
Her face twists up. "Yeah, never mind. This is better." The smile comes back, sly. "Can you imagine if that was how I found out Madi was best friends with your sister?"
"You probably would have come down here to see if it was my fault."
"I would have come down, but that's not--I was so curious," she admits. "About you."
"What about me?"
She catches her lip in her teeth, watching him. "Everything. How you turned out. I always--by the time I realized I missed you, I didn't know what to say."
"Oh?" he asks, and immediately regrets it. There must have been a better line. "I mean--"
"I really was looking forward to working with you."
It's not exactly something he was expecting to hear. "It's been, uh--it's been good." Which isn't even close to enough to say, given Clarke seems to think this is a conversation with some weight. "You dropped off the face of the earth, Clarke. And I knew there was a war, I knew you were busy, but--I worried."
"Of course you did."
"Yeah. But then I had Octavia, and apparently you had Madi, and--"
"And here we are," says Clarke. "Together again."
He could kiss her. It's the first time he's thought that, the first time he's even let himself want it. But he could, and she might not mind.
It doesn't feel right, though. So he says, "You have anything to drink?"
She laughs, and he thinks there's relief in it. Maybe she isn't ready for the rest of that conversation either. "I do, yeah."
"Awesome."
*
Octavia and Madi's rule-breaking averages out, over the next few weeks, and by Halloween, they're pretty firmly in the middle of the pack, in terms of bad student behavior. It's hard to tell if they've actually stopped or if they've just gotten better at hiding their rule-breaking, but in a way, it doesn't matter. Fretting that his sister and Clarke's daughter might be doing something bad does nothing except stress him out, and Bellamy is already stressed enough.
Because, honestly, there's this whole Clarke thing now. It's not just what she said about being curious about him, looking forward to working with him. It's everything, nearly twenty years of history, from that first day on the train and all the days after, liking her and disliking her and maybe really liking her, and then just nothing.
He didn't think about her every day, but he thought about her off and on, and he thinks, if he'd never seen her again, he would have been sad. And if he loses her again--
He'd probably go looking for her, now. If she disappeared, he wouldn't just let her go without a fight. If they lost touch, he'd know something was wrong.
None of which means he feels as if he knows what to do about his whole situation. He's dated off and on, the last few years, but it's always been hard. Being at Hogwarts, even as a professor, is isolating. He'd been in better shape when he was living in Hogsmeade, but he was still busy, and he still had his sister.
In all honesty, Clarke getting a job here might be the best thing that could have possibly happened for his love life. But saying that makes it sound like he's somehow defaulting into liking her, instead of liking her and being incredibly relieved that she's here and he might be able to make it work.
Eventually.
So he says nothing and stresses quietly, on his own, wondering what his next move is without accomplishing anything, until Octavia comes to his office for the first time ever in November. She sizes him up like she's doing complicated calculations and says, "We're staying here for Christmas, right? With Madi and Clarke?"
"Are they staying?" he asks, surprised more by the fact that Clarke hasn't mentioned the upcoming holiday at all than where she might be spending it.
Octavia's expression goes shifty. "Probably."
"Uh huh. Based on what?"
"Me and Madi want to. It would be dumb to go back, we don't even live in the house right now. We'd have to move all our stuff and neither of us is even there."
She's not wrong, and Bellamy's not even opposed to staying at Hogwarts for the holiday. As long as Octavia's happy with it, he's happy with it. And she does seem to like it here.
"I don't mind staying if you want to, but I think Clarke was planning to take Madi home. Don't get your hopes about her being around."
"Will you tell her?"
"What, that we're staying?"
"No, that you want her to."
His eyes narrow. "O."
"What?"
"If you're trying to accomplish something with this, just tell me."
"You like her, right?"
"Yeah, we're friends."
"Me and Madi are friends too. So Christmas would be better if we all spent it together, right?"
He can't fault her logic, but it's still suspicious. His sister has never showed any interest in his love life, but that doesn't mean she might not have started. Especially if it's less about his love life and more about her wanting to spend time with Madi. He and Clarke would probably be a welcome match, from Octavia's perspective.
It's not personal.
"I'll ask Clarke," he says. "But if she already has plans, I doubt she's going to change them."
"Madi didn't think she'd made her mind up yet, so--"
"I said I'd ask," he says, amused. "Not sure what else you want from me."
She cocks her head at him, the perfect image of adolescent curiosity. "Is she your girlfriend?"
"No."
"When you guys were here, was she?"
"Nope."
"Do you want her to be?"
"I wouldn't mind, but I don't know if it's going to happen. I like her."
"Cool. I like her too, you should try to make that happen. Starting with Christmas."
"The logical starting point for all relationships." But she looks genuine, so he smiles. "Thanks for the pep talk. I'm not ruling out just asking her to be my girlfriend, but--"
"You suck at relationships."
"Relationships are hard when you're a teacher and a parent," he says. "I think I could be a better boyfriend here."
"Yeah? So what are you waiting for?"
"My moment. Go do your homework, I'll ask Clarke about Christmas. We could always go see them at their place."
"I think she likes you," O says, like she's only now making her mind up about it. "Good luck."
His sister's blessing wasn't exactly something Bellamy was craving, but it's always nice to have someone's backup. And it at least gives him some sort of concrete action plan to work with.
He finds Clarke at dinner, as usual. "Did Madi ask you about Christmas?"
"Yeah. I figured that was a two-pronged attack."
"Do Christmas plans count as an attack now?" he asks, eyebrows raised.
"Not exactly, but if we stay here, we don't see my mother, or any of my extended family. Which isn't bad, but it feels like a statement."
"Madi doesn't get along with them?"
"Not exactly. My mom loves her, and she loves my mom, but--"
"Your mom killed her parents."
"It's a little awkward."
"You don't say."
"Honestly, it's amazing it's not more awkward. They should be doing so much worse. But--"
"But Madi's excited to spend Christmas here."
"It does sound nice," Clarke admits, a little wistful. "Living in Hogwarts, it gets kind of hard to imagine living anywhere else."
"Yeah."
"How was it being in Hogsmeade?"
"Weird, mostly," he says, with a rueful smile. "It never felt like I belonged anywhere. I didn't know anyone in town, I was so busy with teaching stuff. I just lived in Hogsmeade for Octavia. Sometimes I went out for drinks, but--it was like six years in limbo."
"I felt that way even before I started here. We're not really supposed to be parents yet, it's hard to fit in."
"Except with each other."
Clarke smiles. "Except for that."
"So, Christmas together?" It can be a goal, talking to her over the break. Figuring out if this could be anything.
"Yeah, that sounds perfect."
*
Hogwarts, without most of the students, has always felt magical to Bellamy. Which is, of course, ridiculous--Hogwarts is always magical. But when students aren't around, it feels like it belongs to him alone. It's not the same in the summer, somehow, both because he's not around as much and because it doesn't feel like getting away with something. He's here in the summer because it's his job, but holidays still feel like a vacation, just like they did when he was a student.
Which is why, on the first night of break, he goes to Clarke's office and asks, "Want to go exploring?"
She cocks her head. "Exploring where?"
"You said you didn't sneak out much when you were a student, so I figured we could make up for lost time."
"What are you going to do if we get caught?"
"We're teachers, we're allowed to go wherever we want. I'm showing you the places students sneak into so you'll know."
"What if Madi and your sister catch us?"
"We tell them we were looking for them."
"They won't believe us," she says, but she's already pulling on her cloak.
Bellamy's pretty sure he could teach at Hogwarts for over a hundred years, like Pike did, and still not know all its secrets. It's both exciting and a little bit stressful, as a teacher, because students like his sister could absolutely get stuck somewhere he'd never find them.
"When I first started teaching, I thought I'd never tell the other professors all the places I knew about," he tells Clarke, pulling the wing on a gargoyle statue to open up a secret passage.
"No?"
"I still felt like I was a student, and the staff were my enemies. If I told them what I knew, I was betraying my people."
"So what happened?"
"For one, I realized students and professors aren't actually opposing forces. It feels like that when you're a kid, but--even the professors I don't like, they're still on our side."
"So you take everyone on the secret passage tour?"
"Definitely not. But the war came, and Marcus asked us for places we could hide people, places that former students on the other side might try to break in--"
"So you told him everything you knew."
"I don't think Marcus passed it along to the whole staff, but yeah. If a student goes missing, I look every weird place I know and tell everyone else to too."
"Have you ever found anyone back here?" she asks, squinting at the arch of cobwebs over the corridor. "Where does this even go?"
"You'll see."
"How did you find it? I can actually see you wandering around in the middle of the night, looking for secret switches."
"I'd find references in old books. Someone would have written, like--you can fly away from the third floor hallway if you have wings. And then I'd spend a couple weeks figuring it out."
"Did you leave your own notes?"
"Obviously."
"Obviously."
"I know I'm not supposed to want kids to do that, but I think they should. If I find them, I'll give them detention, but--that's some of the magic of being here. Solving mysteries, discovering things, feeling like you're the first person to be somewhere in a hundred years."
"That does sound nice."
"Not everyone does it, but if that's what you want--"
"Yeah. They should have that."
"To the left," he tells her, nodding to the door, and Clarke pushes it open, laughs in delight at the bright moonlight she discovers on the other side.
"What is this?"
"Marcus said it was connected to the headmaster's office, centuries ago. They moved the office, and then there was nowhere left with access, so it just fell out of use."
Clarke whistles, and Bellamy lets himself be just a little bit smug. It is a lovely space, for all its grown a little wild. There's a fountain in the middle, a dragon spouting water into the air, ivy all over the walls, and flowerbeds and trees tangling together.
"I bet you came here all the time," she says.
"Whenever I needed to be alone, yeah."
"Do you still?"
"Not that often." He swallows, watching her. She looks beautiful, bathed in moonlight, and it feels like it's worth asking. It feels like the right moment. "I don't really need to be alone now. I'd rather be with you."
As soon as he's said it, he can't stop second-guessing. It sounded more romantic in his head than he thinks it turned out.
But Clarke is smiling. "So you're taking me on a tour of all your old favorite hookup spots? Now that you don't need them anymore?"
The connection isn't immediately clear to him, but the answer is easy. "I never hooked up here."
"No?"
"Then other people would have known about it."
Clarke's apparently not fooling around, or letting him derail her from her purpose. She steps in, winding her arms around his neck. "So, this is going to be the first time?"
Apparently, he didn't really need to worry about what to say, because the words come easily now. "Yeah," he says, and kisses her.
*
It takes five days of winter break before Bellamy and Clarke actually find Madi and Octavia after hours, which makes sense, given they aren't actually looking for them. Mostly, Bellamy is showing Clarke his favorite places and passageways, and after they go back to his room or hers to either sleep or have sex and then sleep, depending on how tired they are.
It's too early to draw any firm conclusions about how this is going to turn out, but he thinks they're finally on the same page and in the same place, and he knows they both want to stay there. It's an excellent place to start.
They haven't been looking for the kids, but they were always aware that they might run into them. It seemed impossible that they weren't taking advantage of the relative emptiness of the school to continue whatever it was that they were doing. So Bellamy's actually a little proud, when they end seeing them in the library, of all places. It's not where he would have expected a couple of Gryffindors to be sneaking around, especially not Octavia. He would have thought she'd be going somewhere more exciting.
He and Clarke are actually there before Octavia and Madi arrive--Clarke wanted to see if they could find any leads on new secret passages--and they have to hide in the stacks when they hear footfalls, as if they're the ones who are doing something wrong.
Clarke casts a cloaking spell on them, keeping them hidden but not muffling their voices, and they stay still as Octavia and Madi get closer.
"I know you can't go in the restricted section," Madi is saying. "I asked one of the prefects and she told me if you try the books scream."
"She might have been lying."
"Maybe, but if she was, we shouldn't do that now. If we got caught, everyone would know it was us."
"Yeah," says Octavia, and Bellamy can picture the face she's making. "Bell would totally know. But we can still look at yearbooks. Those are better anyway."
"I don't know what those are supposed to tell us."
"What they were like. What they did."
"What if they were nice?" Madi asks, sounding small. "What if they were just--normal? If you could tell who was going to be bad, you could stop them right away."
"Maybe we could tell now. Even if they couldn't before."
"I still think we could just ask your brother. He told us about the war, why wouldn't he tell us about my parents?"
Clarke tenses beside him, and he wraps his arm around her, doing his best for silent reassurance.
"He'd tell Clarke. And he might not know either. It's not like he was paying attention."
It's true, but also a little bit hilarious, like Octavia thinks he was just completely oblivious to the entire war, somehow avoiding any information about major players. He wouldn't say he was an expert on the Ardens, but he knows who they were and what they did.
The bigger question, though, is about Madi, and about what it is she needs to know. She and Clarke have talked about this, and Clarke has been honest, but Bellamy understands in the same way Octavia does. For a long time, he felt like there should be some deeper truth about his father, some definitive answer he could uncover, and the only cure was age and wisdom. At some point, he realized it didn't matter. Who his father was--even who his mother was--didn't change him.
But Madi has to learn that for herself.
"We can look at the yearbooks. And maybe if we told your brother not to tell Clarke."
Octavia snorts. "He likes her, he'd tell her."
"I don't think she's lying to me or anything," says Madi, careful. It sounds like their first time looking for information on her parents, which makes him feel better. If this had been a year-long obsession, it would be a lot more to deal with.
It feels lucky they're hearing this, but it's hard to be sure.
"I know," says Octavia, and that sounds true too. "You can always ask her again later."
"I don't want her to think I don't--she's my mom. I don't think the Ardens are more mine than she is or anything."
"We don't have to look."
"I want to. I just don't know what I'm looking for."
Octavia thinks for a moment. "Well, we'll see what we find and go from there."
They move farther into the library, to the back, where the yearbooks are, and Clarke lets out a breath once they're out of earshot. Bellamy keeps his focus on her, getting them out of the library without being noticed, and they stay quiet and cloaked until they're back in her office, completely private.
Then he says, "That was actually pretty good."
Clarke laughs. "Good?"
"She's curious, but she's realistic. She knows who her parents are, she doesn't want you to know because it's--she doesn't want you to think it's a bigger deal than it is. And Octavia gets it. Plus, they know--" He smiles a little. "They can trust us as a unit."
"As a unit?"
"O was right, I would tell you if Madi asked about her parents, but that means they know they can talk to us together."
"Yeah. I don't even know that much about her parents. I knew, you know--they were bad people, they were on the wrong side. I feel like I should have dived deeper. They had lives before that, of course she wants to know about that."
"And she can ask you about it if she wants. Or me. She's doing fine, Clarke. They both are."
"You're just excited they decided to break into the library."
"If all they're doing with the whole school to themselves is researching Madi's parents, we're probably good. They're good kids, and we're here to keep an eye on them. And I can always give it a month and check in with Madi if you want. I can make my lesson plan relevant so I have an excuse to bring it up."
She shakes her head, smiling. "You don't have to."
"I don't." He leans in to kiss her. "But I don't mind. And I know if I ever need you to talk to Octavia about something--"
"I'm not sure she'd talk to me either. But I'd try, yeah." Her smile is wry. "Sometimes I feel like we're going to spend the next seven years talking each other down from worrying about our kids."
"Just seven? That seems optimistic. I'm pretty sure we're going to be talking each other down until they're at least thirty."
"I guess that's better than not having anyone to talk me down."
"I feel like I'm doing a lot better this year than I have been for the last few," he admits, surprised, as soon as the words are out of his mouth, by how much he feels them. It's been a rough transition, but--he is happier. Even before he and Clarke started dating.
"Me too," she says. "We can see how the next seven go and reevaluate from there."
"Works for me. I think we can handle seven years of this."
"Now you're the one jinxing it."
He kisses her again. "Or I believe in us."
"Very romantic."
"That's me."
It was supposed to be sarcastic, or at least sound sarcastic, but Clarke sees right through him, smiles. "That is you. Thanks for having my back."
"Always."
"Just recently, actually," she says, and he gets why, he does, but if she were to have come to him years ago, he would have been there. Kicking and screaming, maybe, under protest, but he's not sure he ever would have said no to helping her, if she asked.
Her not asking was the problem, but now they're here, together and on the same side.
"From now on," he offers, a compromise, and she takes it.
"Yeah. From now on."