Chapter Text
Fuyuhiko's POV
Throughout the course of his life, there were plenty of moments Fuyuhiko could've written Kazuichi Souda off as batshit insane, but he never expected him to say something this goddamn stupid.
"Let me get this fuckin' straight," Investing in a newer, smarter friend was starting to sound like a brilliant idea for Fuyuhiko. "You're so convoluted that instead of admitting to Sonia you were flirting with her again, you fuckin' panicked and told her you had a fuckin' boyfriend?"
"Well, to be fair, if you agreed to help me out, there wouldn't be a need to get anything straight," Kazuichi couldn't identify social cues if they hit him in the face. "But yeah, pretty much."
"Fuck no," Fuyuhiko shook his head firmly. "There is no fuckin' way in Hell I'm pretending to be your goddamn boyfriend. You're a dumbass."
"Please?" Kazuichi's hopeful, pink eyes bore directly into Fuyuhiko's much less optimistic ones. "It doesn't have to be for long! Just until it blows over. We can say things didn’t work out between us."
And… fuck.
Fuyuhiko averted eye contact.
Focus.
But of course, when he looked at the ground, his eyes landed on the ugliest pair of vibrant yellow vans he'd ever seen.
Kazuichi's taste was proper shit. And judging by the heat rushing to his cheeks, so was Fuyuhiko's.
So Fuyuhiko had no choice but to stare Kazuichi dead on, sealing his fate.
"I'll owe you one." Kazuichi pushed further. And out of the corner of his eyes, Fuyuhiko saw that Kazuichi's little haphazard braid coming undone.
"..." Fuyuhiko really, really didn't want to say it, but he'd already surrendered. "Fine."
Kazuichi blinked one, two, three times before deciding that he heard Fuyuhiko right, and broke out into the biggest, most relieved grin he could muster. "Thank Atua. I don't even know what I would do if you said no. You are literally saving my ass right now. Sonia would probably never talk to me again if she found out I made that up."
"You're lucky I'm the best fuckin' friend in the world."
The dumber part of Fuyuhiko didn't have the sense to regret his terrible decision, because the damn cutest smile he'd ever seen was right in front of him.
Fuckin' hell.
So much for being over Kazuichi Souda.
"So what's the plan?" Fuyuhiko aimed to distract himself. If he didn't think about it, it wasn't real.
"I, uh…" Kazuichi trailed off, scratching the back of his neck with bashful remorse. "I haven't thought that far yet. It all happened so fast!"
Fuyuhiko repressed the urge to walk out the door.
Deep breaths.
"Although, I did imply we'd be up for a double date tonight…" Kazuichi's hesitation to share this detail put a sour taste in Fuyuhiko's mouth.
"What do you mean by implied?" Fuyuhiko lowered his voice, as if he knew what was coming.
"Well…" Kazuichi shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "I maybe kinda sorta definitely said we'd one hundred percent have dinner with them today at 6."
Fuyuhiko pulled out his phone to check the time.
"Fuckin' hell, Kazuichi," He shook his head. "That's in less than an hour."
"I-It slipped my mind!" Was the best excuse Kazuichi could come up with.
Fuyuhiko sighed, rubbing his forehead. He shouldn't have expected anything less. Kazuichi had always been a dumbass, and it was too late to change that.
He just wished the dumbassery would stop rubbing off on him. How else could he explain finding that shit… endearing?
"It's fine. I'll call Peko, and tell her I wont be at dinner, come up with a kickass plan, and it'll all fucking work out," Fuyuhiko was lying through his teeth, but at least seemingly managed to cool some of Kazuichi's nerves.
"Good idea." Kazuichi nodded. "I'll ask Sonia for directions to the restaurant she picked. It shouldn't be too far."
Fuyuhiko, glad Kazuichi found something productive to do, stepped outside, while dialing Peko's number.
"Is everything alright, young master?" Her knack of answering on the first ring never failed to impress him.
"Everything's... fine." Fuyuhiko was technically telling the truth, if agreeing to be your idiot of a crush's fake boyfriend was considered fine. "But I won't be at dinner tonight. And didn't I tell ya to cut that young master crap?"
"Oh?" It wasn't usual for him to skip dinner, so it was natural for Peko to worry. "Are you sure there isn't anything wrong? Do you require my aide?"
"It's not a big deal," Fuyuhiko seemed to be convincing the both of them of that. "I just agreed to be Kazuichi's fake boyfriend for a double date or some shit."
"..."
Peko sighed with a new understanding of the situation. "Is that so?"
Fuyuhiko looked to the door to make sure Kazuichi was still inside.
"It's just a favor. A favor for a friend." The latter part was a boldfaced lie and Fuyuhiko knew it. "I stopped liking him a long time ago."
"..."
Peko's silence taunted him, forcing him to wallow in his lies.
Fuyuhiko groaned. "If you have somethin' to say, just say it."
"...Forgive me for overstepping, young master, but..." Peko hesitated, "I sense that this a bigger deal to you than you imply."
"..." Fuyuhiko could hear his traitorous voice cracking before he even opened his mouth, so he opted out of responding.
"You're not over him, are you?" As much as Fuyuhiko hated the way she pointed out everything he was trying so desperately to hide, he had to appreciate the way she helped him discover his feelings.
"...No. I'm not." Fuyuhiko bit his lip. "But don't get cocky or some shit just cause you were right, okay?"
"...Fuyuhiko?" The very use of his name changed the tone of the conversation.
"Yeah?"
"If this is the path you have chosen, proceed with caution." Peko's protective side shined past her reserved exterior, "I would not foresee your feelings being pushed aside so easily. Do not let him hurt you in the process."
He didn't know whether he should scoff or thank her. So of course, he went with the first option.
"I'm a motherfuckin' Kuzuryuu. I think I can handle a pretend date." He tried to flaunt his family name like the rest of the Kuzuryuu's do, but they could both tell it fell flat like a flimsy mistake. He was always better off when he stood on his own merit.
"No yakuza member has perfected battles of the heart."
Fuyuhiko was convinced Peko snagged most of her sayings from an oddly specific website of cheesy things bodyguards should say to the yakuza member they're assigned to.
"It's not like any of this matters, anyways. Kazuichi's not even into guys. I'm under no impression that doing this for him will change how things are." Fuyuhiko tapped his foot against Kazuichi's concrete porch. "'Sides if any of the other clans find out I'm fuckin' gay, I'll be gutted in a days time. I'll just have to do what I did before and get rid of this fuckin' crush once this is over."
If the Kuzuryuu's knew, he'd be gutted within the hour.
He was already their little disappointment, so that wasn't much of a stretch.
"If that makes you happy…" Peko's words made a mockery of him.
"I've gotta go," Fuyuhiko hung up before he took out his frustration on her. The sour taste in his mouth was back.
If that makes you happy…
Tch.
What did Peko know about happiness, anyways?
He was doing what would make him safe.
And that was more important.
Fuyuhiko stepped inside with bitter regret. He was in the right, that much was obvious, but…
Eh. No point in thinkin' too much 'bout it.
The situation Kazuichi put the two of them in was a way bigger headache, anyways.
"I'm back," Fuyuhiko announced, since Kazuichi was too consumed by his phone to hear the door.
"Oh, thank Atua." Kazuichi exhaled. "I was thinking about going out there and checking on you to make sure you didn't run for the hills.
Thank god he didn't.
"And leave you here to dig the both of us deeper into a fuckin' grave?" Fuyuhiko shakes his head. "Not a damn chance."
"True." Kazuichi's lips curled into a smile, not daring to detest the fact of the matter. "Any chance you have that kickass plan you promised?"
Fuyuhiko paused. He hadn't thought of one yet, too focused on his conversation with Peko, but he sure as hell was going to come up with something on the spot to avoid admitting so.
His thoughts led him to a shitty movie about a fake relationship Natsumi made him watch one time.
"We need some sort of backstory." Fuyuhiko realized. The first thing the characters did was establish how they got together from what he remembered.
"Shit, you're right," Kazuichi's creativity was at an all-time low, which was real rich for the guy that got them into this mess. "But I've got nothing."
"Fine. Let's just say you got drunk and kissed me one night, and the next day we both realized that the feelings were mutual or some shit." Fuyuhiko parroted the plot of the movie.
"Why do I have to be the drunk one?" Kazuichi protested, not wanting Sonia to think he was a knucklehead.
"Because I don't drink." Fuyuhiko rolled his eyes. Everyone knew Fuyuhiko was weirdly into following the rules, aside from the whole organized crime situation. "Not yet anyways."
"Oh. Right." There wasn't much arguing he could do.
"Now we just gotta decide when it happened," Fuyuhiko bit his lip, unsure of what a reasonable timeline would be.
"...wait!" Kazuichi actually pulled through with an idea. "You drove me home from Hajime's party 'cause I had been drinking. We could say it happened then."
"So that means we've fake been together for 'bout a month." Fuyuhiko was genuinely impressed.
"You're kinda good at this," Kazuichi teased, already pushing his luck. "...the best fake boyfriend a guy could ask for."
Fuyuhiko was going to kill that man if he didn't choke first.
But for now, he chose a more passive response while he regained his composure: the shrug.
"For real though, I wouldn't have thought of any of those things on my own." And Fuyuhiko would bet that that wasn't an exaggeration.
"It's cause I'm a fuckin' genius," Fuyuhiko managed to get some non-gargled words out.
Kazuichi rolled his eyes, before raising an eyebrow. "Ready for our date?"
"Screw you."