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“You should be scared of me!”
And he’s right; Wade Wilson should be at least daunted by the web slinger. What with his superhuman capabilities and smarts; Spider-Man can really do a number on him if Wade misbehaves like he usually does. But Wade knows better. He knows the other is better; that Spider-Man is not just a guy with super powers who does good by them.
He’s a hero, a real honest to God hero.
When Wade hears of a hero who doesn’t kill even bad guys, he’s intrigued. He tries to know why and it turns out, the young one is just plain stupid… in his opinion. He thinks killing is bad and he values all life. Also, he doesn’t live in those obnoxious towers and penthouses or wherever glorified heroes live. Wade thought he did, but when he meets up again with the webhead, he finds out that he doesn’t have a spider cave with awesome technology and a butler at his disposal.
“I started out young, alright? I don’t have money so all I have, I worked on my own.”
One would think that being such a beloved hero, Spider-Man would suck it all in and live as posh as he deserves. Actually, Wade thinks he deserves them. But the other doesn’t want any. He’s sure because he actually offered to buy him a Spider Cave. It won’t be hard, one merc job and he can buy him a lot.
He says he can live in comfort in his own time and effort.
Hence, Wade’s conclusion that the other isn’t right in the head. See, if someone offered you a nice place, you take it. Wade will. Definitely. But no, Spider-Man is a goodie goodie so he doesn’t take advantage.
One of the reasons why Wade will want his own little Deadypooly cave is because he kind of doesn’t have a nice place. Not that he can’t afford one, it’s just that he prefers spending his money on weapons and food and he has to send money for Ellie. And so he sacrifices comfort.
It’s dark in his warehouse turned home because he can’t be bothered to fix the wirings. The television offers enough light anyway. And it’s always been dark.
It’s funny how even at the light of day, it still feels like the peak of midnight.
Maybe that’s just his dramatic side talking.
Fortunately, he has stars to light up the God awful darkness. His sweet Ellie Belly is the brightest of course. His past loves are there; Preston too, Bob, Weasel, and Cable. Maybe some X-men people and the Golden Girls cast.
It’s dark but Wade is satisfied in watching their quiet shining on the unending night horizon he calls his life.
“You don’t do good things to be recognized, Deadpool.”
“And you wonder why I don’t like you.”
“Hey… When I said that… I-I didn’t mean it, okay?”
“I’m sorry, man.”
“Thanks for the help… Really.”
“You’re alright, you know that? Right, Wade?”
And his night sky is suddenly brighter as a ball of light that burns hot up front but leaves a cold frosted but equally tantalizing trail appears before the darkness of the sky lighting up the earth.
It streaks the black and outshines the stars up above.
Wade realizes, suddenly, slowly, that Spider-Man became significant in his life. He doesn’t know it at first, but it becomes clearer and clearer as time went on.
He’s become his hero too. An idol he looks up to.
Wade decides that if there’s someone who can help him be a better man, it has to be him.
And day after day he sticks close to the younger; trying his best to convince the hero that he wants to be good once and for all. Often times, Spider-Man expresses his distaste towards him as their differences surface from time to time. Yet no matter how those moments frequent, the young hero never really does outright shun him.
“Just don’t do it next time, okay?”
Next time…
There’s always a ‘next time’ with him.
And that sparks the hope within Wade.
Through the course of their team ups, Wade’s habit of annoying the other is spiced with a hint of flirting. It doesn’t mean anything at first because come on he does that very often with a lot of people.
But then all Wade sees and thinks about is him.
He isn’t ready to feel that way again after so long of being stuck in desolation yet he embraces it and holds on to the thin thread of hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance of a happily ever after for them.
And so, his empty flirting evolves to something with reason and fuelled by real affection.
It doesn’t click at first with the younger but then his sudden idea to reciprocate the flirting the older subjects him to as a non-traditional way of perhaps getting him off his back sadly doesn’t yield the results Spider-Man wanted. It is evident that the hero begins to feel something if the more frequent stuttering, awkward non comeback, and sometimes avoidance of the merc is anything to go by.
There is one night when they sit on a random rooftop once again just enjoying the evening breeze, chatting and stargazing.
“I hate light pollution.”
“Why is that?” Wade asked as he looked at Spider-Man who, unlike him, gazed up at the night sky. He studied his half unmasked profile, picturing what the younger really looked like from under that mask.
He saw the younger purse his lips and then smile as he turned to him. “Can’t see all the stars and other heavenly bodies our universe has to offer.”
“Baby boy, your body is heavenly enough for me!” Wade proclaimed dramatically with a hand on his heart and it made the younger groan yet a small smile tugged on his lips. The merc chuckled. “So prevention of light pollution will be the Spider’s hero advocacy then?”
Shrugging, Peter continued, “I mean, I hate all kinds of pollution but light pollution doesn’t affect a person’s health. You know what it slowly kills?” Spider-Man asked as he smiled again at him.
It took a second for Wade to reply because he can’t help but wonder why someone so perfect be grounded. He’s an angel, he didn’t belong here. The young man didn’t even flinch nor be bothered by Wade’s scarred skin visible as his mask was also bunched up to the bridge of his nose. He swallowed thickly trying his best to restrain himself from kissing the younger.
“Whatever it’s killing, I hope it’s not the moment.” Wade replied making the younger chuckle. Spider-Man bumped his shoulder with his, coaxing him back on track to their subject. Wade smirked, “Alright fine, what does light pollution kill, prof?”
His heart did that excited slash nervous pumping when the other leaned in closer with that cute playful smile.
“Our soul.” The brunette whispered and then leaned back laughing. “ ‘cause people get hopeless sometimes since most of the time all we see is the world around us and it gets kinda grey so imagine whenever you look up at the night sky you see a great big better place out there and think of all the things –the possibilities- and how there’s so much more than the world around us so when you look down again, you’re more hopeful. It’s ridiculous, I know…” He ended with a chuckle that quickly dies down as he looked down with a small smile Wade can confidently classify as shy and insecure.
“Just another one of my nerdy ramblings…” He concluded in a quieter tone and in those moments did Wade see what kind of person Spider-Man was under his mask. It made the merc’s lip a slight twitch, keeping himself from further falling.
A beat passed and Wade replied: “Aww… you know that I love it when you talk nerdy to me.” Wade grinned and bumped shoulders making the other chuckle in exasperation. “I’m serious though. I don’t mind listening to you… I’d listen to you all day if I could.”
He can see other’s smile disappear in contemplation. “I know you would…”
After a beat or two with Peter gazed up ahead, the lights flickering and cascading upon his them and Wade’s attention focused solely on every detail and shift of movement from the breeze gently dancing with the soft brown locks visible under the younger man’s mask, the soft flawless porcelain skin that glows and dims from the lights, those pale lips chapped from the cold may be rough against his own yet he knows they’ll be perfect nonetheless.
As his focus lingered upwards, Peter’s attention turned to him.
One second, two… three centimeters closer…four… five beats of their heart…six…seven…breaths away…nine… ten inches backed up…
And Peter suddenly leaned away with obvious shyness and awkwardness. “I…I gotta go.”
Wade blinked and gave a tentative nod with a whisper of a: ‘Yeah… G’night, Spidey..’
The younger gave a small smile when he got up before swinging away.
And in that moment, the light that sweeps his evening sky flashing for a moment left leaving a streak of light fading as quick as it appeared.
Wade wonders time and time again if he will ever be given a chance to touch that brightness. But time and time again, all he could do is reach his palm up… and see the light through the space between his fingers.
There are instances where Wade does try.
He asks Spider-Man out multiple times but either the young hero will chuck it off as a joke, get annoyed, or stutter and give an apology (which is the cutest in his opinion). Honestly, Wade can’t figure out the exact reason why. He knows there are multiple reasons but it’s hard to fix them at once.
Wade stops being a mercenary and tries to keep the killing down to a minimum as he can. The hero appreciates it a lot, even if Wade’s wallet does not. He manages somehow. Always, he does. He also keeps the perversion on the down low as well, along with the cursing. Again, the hero appreciates it.
Everything he can change, he does. Just so the hero won’t pull back every time they had closer moments.
“It’s because I’m ugly, isn’t it?”
“No, Wade…!”
“Because I’m not a hero?”
“But you are…For me you are!”
“…Then just tell me why… please. I’ll do anything for you…” Wade desperately voiced with his head bowed in defeat. The quiet sound of clothe being removed made him look up and the sight almost made his gasp.
For the first time in five years of knowing each other, Spider-Man stood before him without his mask.
And he’s young... twenty-five, if he remembered correctly. Young yet the weight of his world was clearly etched upon his deathly pale skin. Dark circles under his troubled brown eyes. And his lips were almost purplish from the lack of color.
He looked… ill.
“I’m dying, Wade.”
And suddenly the stars seemed to refuse to shine anymore. Distantly he can hear Spider-Man go on…
'My mutation got worse and it’s only getting even more damaging as time passes…’
Wade’s been in this situation before, but back then, he was the one preparing to go.
It hurt back then.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilson, but there’s no cure.”
‘There isn’t a cure, Wade.’
There’s always never a cure.
After that night, the falling star glides down for the final time.
Six months later, there’s a funeral. It’s rather simple and the number of people is few but he recognizes some of them –superheroes. Wade opts to hide behind the large old oak tree during the ceremony.
Afterwards when everyone left, Wade emerges from his hiding adorning a black hoody and a cap with the bill down to hide his face. In his grasp a bouquet of red flowers (it’s their color after all) and lays it down among the other bouquets of white flowers making it standout.
As he gives his prayers, a gentle voice speaks on his left. “Are you Wade?”
He turns and sees an old woman –Aunt May, his mind supplies. “Yes, ma’am.”
She gives a warm smile though her eyes speak of cold sadness. “Peter, talks about you quite often…”
And that makes Wade smile a little. “I can only imagine what he tells you.”
“Oh, I find some of them unbelievable.” She chuckles a little. “But he’s right about you being shy.” The old woman gives him a small smile and then a look of forlorn. “Why didn’t you attend the ceremony with the rest of us?”
“Ah… I just don’t fit in with the crowd.” He offers a toothy grin clearly forced but the hand that slowly grasps his makes him stop his front and he sees the concern in Aunt May’s face.
“Peter would’ve appreciated it.”
“He would’ve understood.” And that makes Aunt May smile and nod.
“You’re right, he would have. Well you’re here, and that’s what matters.”
Wade gives her a more honest smile and he sees her reach into her purse pulling out a white envelope.
“Here. Peter wanted me to hand this to you.”
He looks at the small parcel, then to the woman who lost so much yet manages to be kind and happy, and then back at the envelope. Wade swallows the lump in his throat and tentatively takes the envelope.
Flipping it, he sees an unfamiliar handwriting. It’s a messy handwriting and it makes him smile a little. Once more he feels a hand on his forearm and Aunt May offers him a kind smile.
“You take care, dear.”
And with that she leaves.
A moment passes with Wade just looking at the envelope and preparing himself for whatever is inside. Taking a deep breath, he opens it and unfolds the letter.
“Hey Wade…” He begins to read and slowly he can hear Peter’s voice in his head as he goes…
‘I’m sorry for this, for leaving, for leading you on. I didn’t mean to. But you were so nice and funny and annoying and caring and an idiot sometimes and so sweet. I couldn’t deny I enjoyed your company. You’re so selfless, you know that? Remember that time you literally took a bullet for me? And a stab from behind? That was crazy. Every time you died I actually cried because at first I keep seeing my loved ones in your place and it hurts over and over again. But then, when you died, I saw you. And I worried for you. Because you became one of the people I love. Yeah, big guy, you read that right. I LOVE YOU. Like I-wanna-date-you-I-love-you.
I was planning on saying ‘yes’ next time you offered. But then, at work I fainted and well… I’m sure you know the reason for that. I know how much you’ve been through; I understand how hard it is. Really I do. And I thought, ‘Crap, I can’t date Wade now.’ Because really, I’m gonna hurt you much more when I go.
Every time you make me laugh, annoy me, flirt with me, buy me midnight snacks during patrols with that in my mind. I can’t help but be sad and imagine what could’ve been… had I not received an expiration date so soon.
Hey, remember when we talked about light pollution? I had a mission with the Avenger folks and we stayed in a rural area up north. I thought that you know… if ever this didn’t happen and we actually became a couple, we can live there. The night sky was so pretty and you can see all the stars, Wade! It’s awesome.
Also that time on my last birthday you gave me the book I told you once that I would’ve liked to read but didn’t get the chance to buy because they ran out of stock and they weren’t gonna publish anytime soon. I’m still baffled on how you got it but I would like to assume that you didn’t harm anyone to get it. Did you??? Haha. I told you the following time we saw each other that it took me a week to finish but really, I finished it in like… 4 hours. I just didn’t want you to think of me more of a nerd than you already know. ‘Cause I wanna be cool y’know? Like, who’s gonna date a super dork, am I right?
Well apparently you would. And jeez if that didn’t make me like you more I don’t know what did. Actually, I can think of a lot of reasons why I would like you.
Aahh… I’m babbling again, aren’t I? Even in letters I rant a lot. But knowing you, even if I wrote a whole book long letter, you would read everything. ‘Cause you’re nice like that.
I just wanna say so many things to you. I wanna talk to you more. But I can’t. Not anymore. Sorry again. Sorry I had to leave so soon. I wanna say thank you too. For everything. Sucks that I can’t say it in person because waterworks are bound to happen and believe me when I say I’m ugly when I cry.
You’re an amazing person, Wade Wilson. Don’t let them get you down.
We we’re almost something. Almost. And sometimes that’s enough. What we had is enough for now.
If ever we see each other again. I wish for things to be different. Maybe in another place, another time, another life. We can be together. But for now. This is what we have. Don’t let me stop you from moving forward.
See you somewhere in another time,
“‘Yours always, Peter Parker.’”
It’s peculiar how sometimes you’re incredibly heartbroken to the point that not even a single tear falls.
He closes his eyes to feel the gust of the chilly autumn winds enveloping him in its cold embrace and feeling its soft but biting caress upon his skin. Upon its cease, his mind and heart is clear.
“I’ll find you.”
The next life he sees him, war is raging.
They’re in a universe another world war broke. But even in this world, Peter’s still being a hero in his own way.
He sees him helping the wounded, the hungry, the helpless, and any others who seek refuge.
Wade is one of those who wander. Lost but not desperate nor penniless. He’s still a man for hire and right now he’s working for the opposing country’s government. His orders is to take the “Red Flower” the one who blooms when all else is decaying. The one who sparks hope within the soldiers and the civilians to not give in to the oppression. The one who inspires so many yet remains unaware of his influence to the lives he touches no matter how small.
He sees him beyond the number of the people both suffering and aiding.
Pale skin tanned from dirt and sunlight. Brown hair messier and more unkempt. Stress obvious in his eyes yet within that fatigue is a burning desire to help all the newcomers in their camp.
Wade is guising as an undercover refugee to get close to the Flower and unearth him to take to his client to do what they want. Most likely to execute him publicly. When he’s receiving the mission, the employers couldn’t fully disclose who the target is; as if they don’t know who the target is themselves. All they say is that, “When you see the Flower, you’ll know.”
And he agrees.
Under all the grey, he stands out.
Wade spends who knows how long staring at Peter but it must be quite some time because he catches the younger man’s attention while he’s asking his colleague to help a wounded man be sheltered.
When their eyes meet, it’s as if time reweaves again; slowing down all around them. At some point, Wade hopes that by some miracle, Peter knows him. That he remembers him –them… just like he does.
But Peter doesn’t see him him. He sees a lost man needing help.
And so help he does.
---
“May I know your name, sir?” Peter asks him as he checks him all over for any sign of grave wound or infection aside from the various scars littering his body only to find mere scratches here and there.
His answer takes a little while as his mind is too occupied when Peter proceeds to scrub off the grime on his skin. But the younger doesn’t push for an answer soon as if he’s used to receiving delayed responses. He gives Wade a small smile filled with understanding and compassion right before he speaks,
“You know you’re lucky you didn’t get too hurt trying to get here. I wish we can camp in an easier to access area but—“ he shrugs, his smile remains. “Can’t be helped. We need to be hidden as much as we can. What with the other nation’s troops trying to capture and do who knows what to our people. Especially those who fight back.” Peter takes the cloth he’s cleaning Wade with and rinses it on the bowl next to him wringing the excess water before continuing with what he’s doing and saying.
Wade watches him, basking in the sensation of Peter’s attention and care. Listening to his ever familiar voice.
“—Is a little scarce but we’ll get by. Don’t you worry, while you’re here, you’re safe. You don’t need to be scared. Whatever you’ve been through is not your fault. Things will be better… things will be better...” Peter repeats the last part mostly to himself.
It’s obvious, that things won’t be better in this world he’s moving in.
Wade takes his wrist right before Peter withdraws his hand that’s gently tending to the side of his face. The action makes the brunette pause and look at him. Those hazel eyes that seems to defy all time and space reflect his image – an image of a man living in another life yet his memories the same and unchanging.
It must’ve been a long time since Wade had taken his hand as Peter looks at him with worry and is about to ask when the older man speaks to him for the first time in a lifetime.
“Wade. I’m Wade Wilson.”
“Nice to meet you, Wade.”
And hearing him say his name and seeing his smile that’s meant for him makes the dark sky shine once more.
“Yeah… nice to meet you.”
Again.
---
It’s been five months and Wade’s sure that his employers are getting antsy. But he couldn’t bring himself to care much because in that span of time, he and Peter become close. Under a less hectic circumstance, it could be considered a romantic development. But everyday their busy helping people and fighting a lost cause to even further push what they have. Wade doesn’t mind, because seeing Peter is more than enough.
He thinks that for the lengthy time of his absence and lack of communication, his employers would think him dead.
Not until the day a lone soldier comes to their camp barely sane from the trauma he’s carrying. He didn’t have any physical wounds aside from the bruise on the side of his head yet his eyes hold the promise of imminent death.
He tells the story of torture on his comrades and his purpose why he is alive. To tell the tale he’s unfolding now.
‘Give us the Flower, you incompetent dog or we drag you both out and let you burn.’
They think nothing of it as their sole concern is to aid the shaking man.
But Wade knows better.
The enemy is no ordinary villain in stories who will come and huffing and puffing blowing the house away.
No.
They will let the house be destroyed on its own.
That’s why they want Peter. The very foundation where everything stands.
Without him, all will crumble down.
---
“Let’s runaway together.”
Peter looks at him incredulously for a moment as he’s putting away the medicine back in the cabinets. He chuckles at Wade’s statement as if hearing one of the children’s innocent stories. “What are you talking about, Wade?”
“Let’s leave. Now. Go far away. I have connections in other countries. We can hide in another name and live normally. I can disguise us with another persona while we’re travelling out of here—“ And Wade goes on rambling and as he goes, his desperation is painfully obvious. Peter’s amusement turns into worry at the man’s behaviour and abruptly cups the others face making him halt in his ceaseless talking.
Fearful eyes met unconditionally caring ones and the younger breaks the silence. “Wade, what are you talking about?” he asks slowly.
Wade huffs a breath taking the gentle rough hands from his face to look away. “You remember that man who came mumbling over and over about a flower?” Peter nods hesitantly and Wade continues. “You’re The Flower. The Red Flower they want.” At that the brunette titters.
“I’m a twenty-seven year old man, Wade. Who barely manages to clean himself up and get any sleep. I’m no ‘flower’. I’m too dirty and withered for that. But I appreciate the thought.” He says with a shake of his head and proceeds to reorganize the medicines and supplies once more.
The mercenary can’t believe how Peter shrugs it off obviously not understanding what this all means.
In his panicked stupor, he roughly grabs the other’s shoulders forcing his attention to him.
And Wade explains. Telling him about his mission about how people continue to fight and try to help because of Peter’s devotion and presence. When he finishes, Peter’s expression is a mix of disbelief, anger, and betrayal with the last one being the most prominent.
“And you were thinking of just leaving all these people here?” He whispers trying to reel his emotions in.
The older man shrugs because really, these people are nice but when it comes down to it, Peter will always come first. “Well yeah. What can we do? Take them with us? They’re dead whether we stay or not.”
It’s evidently the wrong answer. No matter how true.
Peter’s face is burning with cold anger. “I think you should leave, Wade.” And he turns his back to him walking away.
They didn’t survive in that lifetime for too long after that.
In a way, Wade is glad. It’s a total shithole of a life.
Wade wonders if Peter being a ‘hero’ is somehow a permanent thing in any universe. No matter how little the act may be or… petty.
“So let me get this straight. You, you, a twelve year old—“
“I’m eighteen!”
“Sure. Wanted to steal from this gentleman—” The police officer motions to Wade. “Because he beat you in Blackjack? Which by the way is illegal for minors to play in casinos.”
“I told you I’m eighteen!”
“Nonetheless! You need to be 21 to enter the establishment! So did you or did you not attempt to steal from this man?!”
The brunette nods with determination in his face. As if he believes in all his being that he’s in the right. “I did attempt to steal.” Wade couldn’t help but chuckle. This lifetime he likes more than the other one. In here, he’s a billionaire owning one of the most profitable gambling businesses in Las Vegas. Spending his nights indulging in booze, pleasurable company, and well… gambling.
One night this young man waltz in wearing nothing more expensive than clothing you buy in thrift shops and apparently winning almost every time. Now his casino isn’t very picky with their patrons. So long as they don’t have any weapon nor do they smell, he’ll let them have fun. Plus they’re too high up in the food chain to get away with a very lenient casino policy. Still Wade of course, feels the need to investigate the young man who apparently looks too young and too poor to even be there, and there he sees him.
Peter.
Young Peter literally gambling for his life because all he has in the beginning is a hundred bucks and now he’s racing to almost a hundred thousand and if he loses, he leaves with nothing but his cheap jacket, tattered jeans, worn out Converse, and loose gartered mismatching socks.
Forty-three years and he sees him now in this situation.
It’s too amusing for Wade to pass and so he challenges him waging half a million for Peter’s ninety-thousand. Of course the younger who’s filled with confidence and ego accepts. He loses against Wade and is literally dragged out of the casino due to his whine and protest crying “Cheater!” as he goes.
That evening right before Wade retires for the night, he hears small rustling sound from his office. He calls one of his guards to aid him in investigating what it is. And what they find is Peter rummaging in the vault beneath the oak desk.
The brunette doesn’t notice them and the guard is about to make themselves known when Wade stops him by putting his arm up telling him to halt and shush.
The guard raises his brow at him but relents in watching the poverty stricken child try to find anything worth making money.
“Gosh darn it! Nothing but enchilada, taco, and chimichanga recipes! Who the heck keeps these in a safe?!” Peter growls in frustration at finding nothing worth a single penny.
Wade clears his throat and Peter shoots him a very good imitation of a deer caught in headlights. “I’ll have you know those recipes are a national treasure! Money can’t buy the happiness of eating good ol’ Mexican fine dining!”
“None of these are fine dining!”
“You take that back!”
And from there the two goes on a brawl, rolling all over the carpeted floors and the guard could only watch as his forty-something boss and a child fight like elementary children in a playground. All because of whether tacos could be categorized as fine dining (“I pepper my tacos with gold!” Wade says in the background) or is it just a snack pretending to be an actual meal… and something about churros as an alternative for pretzel (“How dare you?! Churros need to be dipped! It’s inferior!” Peter cries out)
Essentially after that we find ourselves in this situation wherein the two is taken into police custody with Peter being accused for breaking and entering, and burglary. -“It’s not stealing if I’m getting what’s supposed to be mine!” is what he says.
Of course, all of this is just for Wade’s amusement. He’s not actually going to file a case against Peter. Wade thought that he wouldn’t get to see him in this lifetime what with not being able to encounter him in forty-three years. And boy, he’s really going to rob the cradle now and he’s not so sure that’s ideal.
Right now, he waves off all the accusations and tells the officer to let the kid off the hook with no record whatsoever.
And that shuts up the teen from his aggressive denial and claims. Peter looks at him incredulously as if asking “Huh?” and Wade only winks at him.
They leave the station together as per Wade’s request lest he continues his charges and of course Peter acquiesces to that request (threat).
“Soooo….” Wade starts as they get in the privacy of his limo.
“You stole my money! You cheated!” Peter bites back, all his fight returning again.
The older man raises his hands in a sign of truce. “Whoa there!” He chuckles. “Calm down. That’s some accusation you got there, baby boy! Plus, it’s not stealing if the money belonged to me. And I didn’t cheat.” Wade’s grin grows wider at Peter’s fuming face.
And wow this Peter is more hot-headed than any other. “You cheated. You couldn’t have won if you didn’t. I always win.” The brunette reiterates.
At that, Wade’s smiles morphs into something sinister rather than playful. “Because you count cards, am I right?”
Peter’s face gets paler and his brown eyes waver as he stares at Wade’s icy blues seeming to glow from the darkness of the night with only the dim lights in the limo as a source of light.
“I… this is my stop. Please let me off.”
“Oohh…. So you can be polite.” The older man says as his posture relaxes but his presence still imposing.
“I’ll have you know, I’m very polite. I just need to be… assertive. To survive.”
To say that Wade’s seen Peter often is an overstatement. In their first encounter, he’s only met him with Spider-Man’s mask more often than his actual face. In the following lifetime, just a few months in his normal face still wearing a mask of strong façade for his people. But Wade pays a lot of attention to him in those few moments. Every vicissitude, every gesture, every quirk, he categorizes.
And this Peter shows a lot of fire, but under that, he can see that he needs something. Wade asks in his nicest tone why the young lad suddenly jumps into the world of gambling.
“The orphanage where I came from isn’t getting any more support from the foundation. I don’t make enough money as a clerk to support all those children. Aunt May, our carer, is very old now and needs help as well with her health. I… I will help them in any way I can. I didn’t want to cheat. But… that’s all I can do. Not cheat! But you know…” He smiles coyly and taps his temple with his pointer finger.
“You’re smart.” Of course he’s smart. There couldn’t be a life where his Peter isn’t.
“Yeah… I tried scholarships but somehow people doesn’t like the idea of a penniless orphan succeeding more than rich kids with parents having a lot in their pockets. It’s fine. I can… I can handle it. Aunt May taught me how to read and write and that’s more than enough. I just… I just don’t want the orphanage to close. We’re family, y’know? So I decided to study how to count cards so I can win big money. I don’t care what becomes of me… so… please understand. I’m not looking for pity, Mr. Wilson. I just want you to understand. I’m not a bad person.” Peter ends his explanation with obvious defeat in his eyes yet he tries to remain firm.
Wade sizes up the situation. He loves Peter. Always will. That’s why for every lifetime, every universe, he yearns to be with him. As in with him with him. But here, it seems it’s not the right thing for that perhaps. Peter needs something else other than a lover.
Besides he’s too old and Peter’s too young.
It pains him. But someone needs to give.
“Would you like to be my apprentice?”
And always, it will be Wade.
Those doe brown eyes widen in disbelief and Wade can wait for their next life. Right now, all he wants is for Peter to have a good future. Not live with an illness or worry where his next meal is going to come from. He wants him safe, healthy, and happy.
“Under my name, no one will dare to step over you.”
“Y-you…” Peter tries but he’s still in shock. No one gave him a shot because he’s a nobody. He stops hoping for a bright future long ago. Yet by some miracle, this man offers to give him a chance. The man he tried to steal from. The man he called names. Normally one would think there’s a catch, but for some reason, he trusts him.
---
The following week, Wade leads the brunette to his own room complete with text books, computer, and everything else he’d need for his studies.
A part of Wade aches at the thought that he can’t have the relationship he’s always wanted with Peter in this time but seeing and knowing Peter will be well off is enough for now.
He won’t step over their boundaries because he’ll love him in this way.
Peter traces his finger on the new books and turns to Wade with teary eyes filled with happiness. He runs over to him and embraces the older man tightly not holding back the tears anymore and mumbles a litany of ‘thank you’s over and over.
Wade swallows the lump in his throat and returns the hug tentatively.
“Don’t mention it.”
Anything for you.
Peter releases his embraces giving him a bright smile and Wade returns it convincingly. “Make me proud!”
And Peter does. He begins a foundation tending to the well-being of children and the ill stricken who can’t afford to pay for the betterment of their health.
The casinos Peter wants to close but doesn’t out of respect for Wade even when the older man insists that he cares not for what happens to those. The difference now is that the casinos are for a better cause, donating a share of their earnings to charity. It’s a lot but Peter doesn’t see the need for excessive amounts of money.
Wade dies at seventy-two leaving Peter first but with no regrets. He lives a good life and that’s what counts.
It gets tiring really. To live a life and see the one you’ve always loved but never become something more.
Wade wonders in how many life times he needs to spend seeing Peter with someone else. In this one, Peter ends up having a family. It’s quite a sitcom of a life the brunette has, juggling being a dad, husband, and Spider-Man. But still, he sees him happy.
Wade is happy for him.
But his days are excruciatingly cold and dark once more.
“Who decides all this?!”
“…Fate.”
“Bullshit…”
It’s one of those lives.
A world where your soulmate is preordained from the moment you’re born. One would think that here, Wade’s will be Peter but for some messed up reason… he’s not.
It doesn’t matter because Wade loves him. No matter what is marked on his upper back.
‘Shik’lah’ it says.
His wife here but it doesn’t matter. They’re falling out and Wade married her because he didn’t think Peter’s here in this life. But he is and they click. They’re meant to be. But ‘fate’ has other plans.
At first when their fling started, Peter doesn’t have a clue about what his soulmark says and neither does Wade know his. Actually, Peter doesn’t know at that time that he’s married… which is a big foul.
Wade justifies it by the fact that his wife sleeps around with anyone and everyone so where is his fault? Peter doesn’t see it at that and demands to see his mark. When he sees it, he backs away.
“We can’t be, Wade.”
“Who decides all this?!”
“…Fate.”
Fate.
Fucking fate.
“You’ll work out whatever is your problem with her.” Peter suggest like a friend. And they’re not just friends. No. Not until a couple of months ago.
“Let me see your mark first.” Wade pleads and the other shakes his head ‘no’. “Then how can I be sure I’m not yours?!”
“Because I’m not yours!”
“Believe me, you are.”
Always.
Peter shakes his head again in denial and disbelief and tells him that there isn’t a possibility that Wade will ever be happy with him in the long run. “But I’m not happy with her!”
“I’d rather you be unhappy with her than be unhappy with me! I can’t… I don’t want to hurt you someday.”
“You’re hurting me now.”
“Then it’s already obvious that this won’t work.”
And Wade can’t believe it. He fights in every lifetime to have Peter. For him to be happy. Whether in his arms or not. He waits patiently and now when they have something, Peter gives up. All because of some mark that destiny etches upon their skin. Some has a ‘name’ while there are those who have a ‘greeting’ and the unfortunate few with a ‘farewell’.
They won’t know their soulmate until they’re gone.
When Wade finds that the name is not Peter’s he figure that he won’t meet him here. But he does and every law in this universe governing soulmates Wade will defy because some stupid mark on his skin won’t stop him.
Peter doesn’t bother to fight for him. It’s unfair.
“You’re a coward. I chose to leave everything for you.”
“No. You chose to cheat on your wife for me. Who’s to say you won’t do that to me?”
Because there isn’t a life I didn’t love you.
“I guess… this isn’t the lifetime either.”
“…no.”
“I’ll wait for you. Always and forever.”
Over and over.
It doesn’t matter because once more he sees him walk away for the final time in this life.
Wade comes down from the rooftop and sees his wife waiting for him at the streets of New York looking so out of place with her appearance yet people are used to seeing weird things every day to pay any mind.
“Done with your pet, hun?” She asks with no hint of anger at him being with someone else. He doesn’t answer, only letting her indulge him in her sinful smile and light touch on his shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
Too busy with his melancholy he doesn’t see Peter Parker in the crowd watching the odd couple disappear.
“Maybe next time, Wade…”
He takes off the band on his wrist to peer down at the words.
"Always and forever.”
A farewell.
The hardest part in living in a world where he’s immortal Deadpool is that… he can’t fucking die. For long that is.
Day in and day out he yearns to live another once more. To try and find Peter again. Find a time where they can be together.
When the time finally comes in this life that death is granted to him, he welcomes it because now he gets to live anew.
The light swallows him and once more… darkness.
A couple of more lifetimes come by. Some passes without him seeing Peter at all, and for him, that hurts the most. Lame as it may, Wade will say it: Life without even a small chance to be with Peter is worthless. But when Peter is in a lifetime, it’s always a question of ‘what if’. There’s always something that will stop them from having a happily ever after.
Living, reincarnating, over and over… remembering… wanting again and again is a cycle he’s endured for what seems to be a thousand years now.
He wonders if this is heaven’s eternal punishment for him.
To keep on reaching but never embrace.
He’s endured countless forms of pain but this, this here, is too much. The ache resonates deep within him. Sometimes, he wishes, that he won’t remember Peter anymore. Won’t remember his sworn mission to find a life where Peter and him will be together bound by love because the disappointment piles on and on and he fears that he’ll crumble under the weight of all that.
At times, he wonders…why does he keep going?
And how come he always remembers?
And he asks himself… is Peter really worth it?
All those questions keep a shadow over his head more often now, but every time he’s about to close his eyes and let go –let go of the promise, the hope, the yearning- a light, so feint yet so prominent in the darkness calls him.
That same light the streaks the night sky and leaves a trail of radiance.
And he answers, “Yes.” Peter is worth it. Worth every life he waits for him.
Because Peter is his comet, bright and beautiful but fleeting.
Wade accepts that for now, all he can do is gaze up and capture the sight of him between the spaces of his fingers.
In this life, he finds the view of Peter quite literally beyond the spaces of his fingers as he reaches for him.
Time seems to slow down as he watch Spider-Man fall back from the hit of a gunshot. Wade runs after him to his aid and in that moment, Wade wonders… ‘Is this another one of those times?’ How many times does he have to see Peter die inevitably leaving him again to search?
After what feels like an eternity of running with every step stretching from their first lifetime up until now in this moment, he gets to Peter’s side and cradles him in his lap. Wade yanks the Spider’s mask up to the bridge of his nose to ease his breathing. “No no no…” Wade says in prayer as he sees him cough up blood.
His hero is obviously in numbing pain with Death’s touch slowly moving to him even when Wade applies pressure on the wound. The familiar sensation of warm blood seeping in his glove. He’s used to blood, but Peter’s blood will always affect him.
A few moments later, help comes in the form of Iron Man. “I’ll take it from here.” He says and he takes Peter in his arms and flies away.
Wade looks up at them from the pavement he’s kneels on. He doesn’t want to entertain the idea, but the possibility is there.
In this lifetime, Peter may not be his again.
---
Three weeks after that incident he finds himself up on one of the gargoyles on Chrysler building just staring at the horizon of the setting sky. This universe, he surmises, is one of those ‘canon’ universes where they’re superheroes (or anti-hero in his case) but with a few differences. Actually, it’s kind of the same one they started on.
Normally, he’d pray that Peter and him finally get one of those happily ever afters. But now… he just wants Peter to be well. If this is like the one they started on, the only wish Wade has is for Peter to not be ill. To not die at the age of 26 with a loving aunt waiting for him, with a possibility of becoming a renowned scientist, to help more people in all the years he should live.
That almost happened three weeks ago when he got shot, but then two days after that he got the news that he’s alive and recuperating.
Wade doesn’t really have the chance to visit.
He doesn’t want to admit it but he gives up in this life.
Peter’s really close with Tin Man and well… he’s better off with him if ever. Wade haven’t really gotten to the part that he’s expressing real romantic interest in Peter yet. So it honestly won’t hurt the younger if his mercenary friend just went up and left.
Wade thinks that… after a thousand odd years of loving, yearning, searching… trying to be with Peter and failing means that… it just isn’t. Isn’t meant to be. That maybe, all he’s meant to be is watch over him. Keep him safe as much as he could.
It’s kind of funny that it literally took him a thousand years to mature.
Because now, he’s ready to let go.
Ready to accept that he can only love from afar and that’s okay.
‘Okay’ should be enough, right?
‘Almost’ is enough, right?’
---
A few months passes and he sees Spider-Man sitting by a building’s rooftop ledge. He’s debating on joining him because this is the first time he’s come back to New York again. The internal debate ended when Peter speaks, “Care to sit?”
And sit he does.
Comfortable silence shrouds them as they just take in the evening view. From the corner of his eyes, he looks at Peter who’s staring up at the stars. Wade figures he’d do the same and just take in the night sky.
“I hate light pollution.” Wade states mostly for the poignancy it brings back since this is the same spot Peter said that.
He hears a light gasp next to him and he sees Peter staring at him. “And why is that…?” he asks breathlessly.
“Because I can’t see my comet.” In this universe, he and Spider-Man are not that close. Yet Wade feels the need to remove his mask and stare at Peter. He knows that his eyes show a good time of suffering yet satisfaction that he’s here with Peter. He gives a trembling smile because he’s just so tired of the cycle.
“I keep waiting every night. And every time I see it, I put my hand up-” and he raises his hand between him and Peter. “Try to reach.” His hand moves closer to Peter but pauses abruptly. “But I can’t. And I see my comet leave me again to wait another night.” He ends and moves to put his hand down but then Peter catches his hand and holds it with both of his smaller hands.
A light sob can be heard and Spider-Man yanks off his mask and reveals vulnerable Peter Parker crying. “Wade…” he calls.
The merc looks in confusion at their entwined hands and then back up at the young man.
All he can think of is ‘Please tell me you’re not dying again.’
“I remember, Wade…”
And finally after what seems like an eternity, his comet stays.