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Jack O`Neills Stray Archeologist Rules (also apply to stray Linguists and Anthropologists)
Stray Archeologists will not be left behind.
Stray Archeologists will not be left behind even when they kiss alien girls on foreign worlds.
Stray Archeologist will not be left behind except when to save no less than six billion people. If for that reason you have to leave your stray archeologist behind make damn sure you die there too. Otherwise it will just be more slow and painfull to die of a broken heart.
Stray Archeologists will not be fed.
Stray Archeologists will not be fed anything but Fifth Avenue candy bars, hydroponically grown yeasts soup or grilled symbiote head.
Stray Archeologists will not be fed anything but cold MREs tasting like chicken or chared barbeque leftovers outside on the back porch.
Stray Archeologists will not be fed anything except hot MREs of their choice, some nutricious power bars and a cheap candy bar.
Stray Archeologist will not be fed anything except pancakes or waffels, pizza in front of the TV or steaks at O`Malleys. Oh, and chocolate but only the very best.
Stray Archeologist will not offer his chocolate to jealous Carter. She can have the second best.
Stray Archeologists will not be offered any kind of drink.
Stray Archeologist will not be offered any kind of drink except one beer in front of the fireplace.
Stray Archeologist will not be offered any kind of coffee.
Stray Archeologist will not be offered any kind of coffee, except for the standard military brew.
Stray Archeologist will be offered not any kind of coffee, but “Jamaica Blue Mountain” or “Kopi Luwak”, fortified with a few walnut chocolate cookies.
Stray Archeologists will not be taken home.
Stray Archeologist will be taken home and dumped in the cold spare room.
Stray Archeologists will not have special toys like books and artefacts brought for them so that they will be tempted to come closer.
Stray Archeologists allowed inside will not be permitted to snuggle on the couch or leave their books on the furniture.
Stray Archeologists that snuggle on the couch will not be permitted to leave artifacts on the really good furniture.
Stray Archeologists will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence and will not be petted, played with, hugged and cuddled.
Stray Archeologists will not be petted, played with, hugged and cuddled unnecessarily except when actually having sex.
Stray Archeologists that are petted, played with, hugged and cuddled will absolutely not be called by their first name. "Plant-Boy" spoken in a sarcastic tone or a semi-affectionate “Space Monkey” will do nicely.
Stray Archeologists whether called by Grasshopper, Danny Boy, Sleepyhead or first name will not be allowed inside the master bedroom at any time.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed inside the master bedroom except when having a nightmare, being ill or looking generally lost.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed inside the master bedroom except at certain times, maybe down time or when you want some really hot sex.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed inside master bedroom except on days ending in "y."
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed to nibble and leave bite marks on the people nice enough to give them a home.
Stray Archeologists will not slip their hands inside of people's Class A pants, fondling their privates, when they are allowed to nibble and leave bite marks on the people nice enough to give them a home.
Stray Archeologists will sleep on base.
Stray Archeologists will sleep on base, unless looking lost.
Stray Archeologists will sleep alone in the cold spare room.
Stray Archeologists will sleep in the warm living room on the couch.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed to sleep in my bed.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed to sleep in my bed, except on the left side.
Stray Archeologists will not be allowed to curl up on my pillows, tickle one ear with their tongue, and purr in the other ear all night.
Stay Archeologists will not be allowed to sleep on me unless that's where they collapses after the third round of steamy sex.
Stray Archeologists will be allowed to sleep with me at all times ... just not off-world, Daniel dear.
Oh, all right, all right, also off-world if you must, Danny.