Chapter Text
Natasha had plenty of firsts. In fact, she didn’t think there were many things she hadn’t done yet. Most of those firsts were forced on her but nevertheless, they were firsts.
Her first friendship had been with another girl in the Red Room. They would whisper together until the early hours of morning, sharing dreams and hopes and wishes for their future. They’d shared tears of frustration and fear. Natasha would even share some of her food with her, when she was particularly hungry after a rough day.
Her first murder had been in the Red Room too, when she hadn’t been careful enough during a hard training and she had cracked and yelled at their teachers to leave her friend alone. She never befriended another girl after that again.
Her first kiss happened coincidentally during her first mission. She was barely thirteen and he was much older, too much older. But apparently that was exactly why they send her, a little girl, to take care of it. He took some other first from that night too, Natasha tried to never think about it.
Her first ‘I love you’ had been a lie. And she didn’t feel guilty about it anymore. She didn’t even feel guilty when she left his bloody corpse in the middle of the bathroom floor while she walked off with the blueprints she needed. Love, after all, was for children.
So when Maria asks her out it’s by no means a first for Natasha. At least it shouldn’t be. But Natasha is floored because it actually kinda is.
It’s the first time Maria asked. It’s the first time Maria stood there in front of her, with her big blue eyes and only the slightest hint of nervousness in her posture. And people have been nervous in front of Natasha before, but it’s the first time Maria is nervous in front of her. It’s the first time Maria looks at her like that.
And when Natasha says yes, because honestly she can’t come up with a different answer, it’s the first time Natasha says yes. Not Natalia, or Natalie, or Nat, or whoever she’s pretending to be. It’s Natasha. Because Maria asked Natasha out and that has never happened before.
So when Natasha says yes, and of course she does because who the hell wouldn’t, Maria smiles. A little smile of relief and excitement and it’s the first time Natasha sees that smile on Maria’s lips. But she really hopes it won’t be the last time because wow, that’s a good smile.
They go out the next day because they don’t get much time off. Seize the moment, Maria had said, and Natasha had agreed. Because Natasha had said yes for the first time and Maria was coming to pick her up for the first time so that they could go out on a date for the first time. They. The two of them. Natasha was going on a date with Maria for the first time.
Maria takes her to this little place that serves apparently the best Italian food. And Natasha has known since her second week at SHIELD when she hacked into the Commander’s file that she was a sucker for good Italian. But it’s the first time Maria tells her about her love for anything Italian and it changes things, doesn’t it? Because Maria offers up everything so easily, without Natasha having to manipulate the conversation into the direction she needs it to be going. And it’s not the first time Natasha has fun, she’s a sad case but not that sad. It’s not her first real conversation either. Not at all. But it is the first time she has this much fun with Maria and it is the first time she shares so much with Maria and it changes things, doesn’t it?
But it isn’t until after, when Maria has paid for their dinner (and that’s the first time Maria paid for their dinner), and Maria offers to walk her back home (and that’s the first time Maria has walked her home), and Maria tries and fails to stay casual when she intertwines her fingers with Natasha’s (and holy shit that’s the first time Maria has held her hand), that Natasha might start to get it.
Because Maria looks at her and asks for maybe a second date please? And she’s looks slightly less nervous than when she asked her on their first date but still a little nervous nonetheless. It’s the first time Maria asked her out on a second date.
So Natasha hooks her arms around Maria’s neck and pulls her down into their first kiss. And she’s done this before, she may have done everything before but she gets it now. It doesn’t matter that she’s done this before. Because it’s the first time she’s kissing Maria, and it’s the first time Maria’s lips feel so soft against hers and it’s the first time Maria tightens her arms around her.
It doesn’t matter that she’s done this before. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first time. All that matters is that she’s doing this with Maria.