Chapter Text
Gaara felt different, this he noticed immediately.
It had been two days since he’d been cleared from the hospital with no reported injuries aside from some understandable fatigue. Three days since Naruto and the rest of the leaf shinobi had returned home. Four days since Lady Chiyo had used that forbidden medical jutsu to bring him back from the dead. And Gaara felt different.
Suna was more or less the same, aside from some damage to the front gates, everything else was intact. The people were still shaken up from the Akatsuki’s attack, but Gaara’s return had done wonders for the village’s morale. In fact it had become difficult for Gaara to leave his residence without receiving profound thanks or kind words for all he’d done to protect Suna. Gaara was not used to praise or attention so he didn’t really know how to react in these instances, but he felt happy nonetheless. But something was still different… missing.
The feeling of emptiness was new and raw, a hole Gaara knew the One-Tail used to fill.
Shukaku had always been a part of him, and while not a pleasant presence, it was something he had grown accustomed to. So while Gaara should have been glad that the part of him that had caused his isolation was gone, the emptiness was still there. Being a jinchuuriki and the fear that this created had just become part of his life, a part of him. And now that part was just gone. Gaara knew he would simply have to adjust, but that didn’t make it easy.
He thought he could start by teaching himself to sleep, but despite no longer having to worry about the beast taking control, he found he couldn’t manage more than an hour at most. But while Gaara was painfully aware of this empty space where the demon had once inhabited, he didn’t feel lonely.
Temari and Kankuro had been glued to Gaara’s hip ever since his return. Their behavior could only be described as doting. Kankuro’s teasing held a lot less bite and Temari acted almost motherly, always asking if Gaara needed anything or if he was feeling alright. Gaara appreciated their worry but had grown slightly annoyed at the amount of times he had to say he was fine. Even with all the questions, he was happy to have them around and felt closer to them now than he ever had.
Gaara laid in his bed, once again attempting to sleep. He wondered if he’d ever be able to rest like everyone else, but wasn’t really bothered either way. He sat up and peered out his window. Things were calm, very different from the hustle and bustle that took place in the streets during the day.
Gaara appreciated the stillness of night. It displayed the peace that he wanted to protect with every ounce of his being. His purpose in life used to be to live only for himself, but now, it was to live for the people of Suna. This way even if he couldn’t make up for the lives he had taken in the past, he could at least use his powers to protect those around him instead of causing more pain.
Giving up on the prospect of sleeping, Gaara dressed himself and left his home. Evening walks allowed him to clear his head, which had become increasingly important these days. Memories of the blonde Akatsuki member plagued his thoughts more than he’d like to admit, usually accompanied by all of the what if scenarios that his brain invented. What if the explosion had hit Suna? What if Kankuro had been killed by Sasori’s poison? What if the two squads from Konoha had never come to help?
At least when he walked through the quiet streets of his village he could see that people were safe and asleep in their homes. This was usually enough to stop the what-ifs. Gaara knew thinking of the past wasn’t going to get him too far, so he did his best to look to the future. A bright future for him and his people.
Wind blew sand around at Gaara’s feet as he made his way toward the training grounds. He hadn’t trained since he got back, having been told to rest by the doctors. While Gaara never used to be one to devote much time to training in his genin years, already having all the power he would ever need to defeat most enemy, he had taken up training after the Chunin exams. The events during the Chunin exams and the people he had met, had fundamentally changed him. Becoming more dedicated to bettering himself was just a small part of that. He knew in order to be Kazekage he would have to improve. And now after being defeated and captured, he knew he would only have to improve even more.
But as he stepped into the training ground, Gaara knew something was off. That feeling was becoming stronger, the one he had been carrying ever since he had been brought back to life. The feeling of something being missing.
Gaara noticed that his body felt lighter, like he was missing a limb. It was probably the weight that had been lifted from losing the One-Tail.
Gaara ignored it once again. He hadn’t brought up this strange feeling with anyone. Gaara figured whatever it was he could deal with it himself. He probably just hadn’t adjusted to the changes within himself yet.
Taking a solid stance, Gaara faced away from the village and focused only on the desert around him. He took a deep breath to find his center and to rid himself of the strange feelings that had followed him since his resurrection.
But as soon as Gaara willed the sand upon the floor of the training grounds to move, he realized that something was very wrong. The huge body of sand lifted less than a metre off the ground before Gaara’s vision blurred, causing him to drop the sand, which puffed up like a cloud of fog in the air. Dizziness caused Gaara to fall to the ground, his blurred vision not aided by the dust.
Gaara panicked, something that didn’t happen very often. What was happening? In his confusion he reached a hand toward his face to rub the fuzziness from his eyes. It was then that he noticed it. He felt the skin of his face against his hand, smooth and cold from the night air.
How had he not noticed until now? It should have been obvious. His sand armor was nowhere to be found. No wonder he felt so light all this time.
Gaara disliked being without his armor, the armor gave him a sense of security and familiarity. It was very alarming to Gaara how long he had been without it and how long it had taken him to notice. Gaara willed the sand to begin forming a strong thin layer around him once again, but as the sand reached his waist, Gaara was hit with a wave of exhaustion.
The sand once again fell to the ground. Sweat poured down Gaara’s brow, from the effort of moving the sand along with the panic that was only increasing with every moment.
Why wasn’t the sand moving as he commanded? Why was he so tired? This had never happened before. Gaara felt ill to his stomach and his head was pounding, but he needed to figure out what was happening.
He tried again to lift the layer of sand covering the ground around him but wasn’t able to witness the results as everything around him went black.
***
Gaara woke not too much later, evident by the dark of the night still around him. It took him a moment to regain his bearings; he was still lying on the floor of the training grounds. Gaara ached everywhere, so much so that he found himself unable to stand. It took all of his strength to sit up, the return of the dull headache making itself known as he did so.
He considered trying to use his jutsu again, but decided against it. He felt shaken up. Had he not only lost Shukaku, but his ability to manipulate sand as well? No, that wasn’t true. The sand had moved according to his will, but doing so was difficult, far more difficult than ever before, even when he was an infant. But if he couldn’t use his jutsu properly… Gaara shook his head, this was no time for worst case scenarios when he didn’t really know anything about what was happening. He assumed this had something to do with the Akatsuki or maybe even the reanimation jutsu. He was attempting to calmly assess the situation, avoiding the panic that had earlier taken hold of him, but it was difficult.
Repeatedly Gaara tried to move small portions of sand, testing out the results. When his dizziness or blurred vision returned he would stop and wait. Eventually he stopped altogether, feeling too tired to continue, but also not having the energy to go home and tell anyone, so he just sat there on the sandy floor of the training ground.
Gaara had no way of knowing how long he had been sitting there lost in thought, but it must have been awhile since Suna’s harsh sun was shining upon the village now. The brightness did nothing to help his piercing headache.
The people of Suna were beginning to wake, clear to Gaara by the fact that someone was running toward him.
Temari ran toward Gaara with a speed that she usually saved for the battlefield, showing how alarmed she was. Gaara was grateful that she was alone, as he was confused and not in a state to interact with anyone aside from family.
“Gaara, what the hell happened?” Temari demanded, but Gaara knew the anger in her tone stemmed from worry in this case. “You weren't at home this morning so I thought you just went in to start work early, but I didn't find you there either, and I know it’s not like you to slack off.”
It was true, Gaara never slacked in any of his duties. So it was no surprise that evidence of otherwise would alarm Temari.
“I’m sorry Temari” Gaara apologized, voice quiet from the tiredness he felt. He tried to think of how best to phrase what had happened during the night.
“You know if you need a longer break before you get back to work, that it’s fine right?” Temari sighed. She had been insistent that Gaara should have taken at least a week off to begin with, but Gaara had refused. “Everyone would understand, you don’t need to push yourself right now, the village is safe.”
Wordlessly Temari reached out a hand to help Gaara up, but before he accepted her help, Gaara voiced the reason he had not been in his office this morning.
“Temari… my chakra isn’t working, I can’t control the sand.”