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Jeongguk probably knew it then when he was six and first met Taehyung. He was probably infatuated from the moment he decided to throw the snowball towards the snow filled branches and watched as Taehyung’s big, brown eyes, and slightly larger head dart towards where the snow had hit the ground in large clumps, intent on finding the source of the noise.
He knew it when it was his first day of seventh grade, and Taehyung’s first day of high school, when he walked towards the high school at the end of the school day only to find someone “tease” Taehyung by grabbing at his cane. He rushed over and pushed the guy extra-hard, to which he was scolded for by Taehyung because it wasn’t nice even if he was trying to help. The blinding, boxy-smile that Taehyung showed in return told Jeongguk that it was worth it.
And when Taehyung entered college, he still in high school, he knew it when Taehyung added him as a friend on a social media site, only for him to discover photos of a frizzy haired blonde named Park Jimin in almost every one of his posted photos (there were 7 and he was in 4) with the hashtag soulmate at the bottom. Jeongguk wasn’t bitter, he was glad that there was someone there to help him when he wasn’t.
And he definitely knows it now, as he watches Kim Taehyung, his best friend of fifteen years, talk to some random guy in their cafe (not in their spot luckily), laughing heartily at the guy’s probably horrible joke.
Jeon Jeongguk is not jealous.
“You’re super jealous.” Jimin deadpans.
“Am not,” Jeongguk doesn’t take his eyes off of the pair, or rather, off of Taehyung. Even if Jeongguk isn’t the one Taehyung is laughing at, or with, he’s still glad the older is smiling. A smiling Taehyung is always a good thing, no matter what.
Jimin waves his hand in front of Jeongguk’s line of sight, earning a grunt and piercing look.
“Okay, maybe I am.” he huffs, sipping angrily on his hot latte.
“Well, what’re you going to do about it?” the before blonde, now pink haired one asks. Jimin obnoxiously slurps his frappe (why would one even order a Frappuccino in the winter?).
Jeongguk presses is lips together. “Nothing.” He was looking for some encouraging words, but instead is met with a shrug from the other as he continues to slurp.
“Alrighty then,” is what Jimin says. They leave a few minutes later when Jeongguk decides he’s had enough of listening to Taehyung’s infectious laughter being aimed at a romantic interest.
“Jeonggukkie!” Taehyung says as he opens the door. Everytime Jeongguk sees him walk through to their shared apartment (it’s a 3 bedroom apartment and Jeongguk gets the smallest room while Taehyung gets the master, and Jimin the second largest), without anyone’s assistance, he’s reminded of what a resilient, strong, and smart person Taehyung is. In fact, he’s not had anyone help him with going to places around campus for a while now seeing as he’s so used to the steps and environment of the area. Jeongguk used to always protest, tell Taehyung that he wants to tag along, only to be met with a stern (but cute) look from the older. Jeongguk obeys now, but still has Taehyung send him a voice message whenever he gets to wherever he’s going.
“Hey Tae,” Jeongguk smiles. Taehyung’s cute pink beanie and large back jacket makes him look so small. That along with his rosy cheeks, pink nose, and bitten red lips makes Jeongguk go all the more crazy over him. He doesn’t understand how a grown man can be and look so precious, yet here Kim Taehyung is, in all his wonderful glory.
The older takes off his jacket and throws it on a chair, waltzing into the room and settling next to Jeongguk on the couch (Taehyung knows Jeongguk will always be sitting in the middle of the couch waiting for him to get back).
“Did you have fun on your date?” Jeongguk throws an arm around Taethyung’s waist and the older immediately snuggles in- knees brought up to his chest, head tucked into the crook of Jeongguk’s neck and shoulder, hands fisted into Jeongguk’s shirt.
Sometimes he loves these little moments with Taehyung. It reminds him that their relationship is special, that it’s not something Taehyung has with anyone else, and it makes him feel like Taehyung is his, and he is Taehyungs. Other times he feels a twinge of guilt, of hurt because they aren’t together, and the cuddles, the playful touches are only because they’re good friends. Rarely, he feels that Taehyung might like him too (though it’s love for Jeongguk) when the older traces his nose then bops it, smiling brightly after, or when he jumps on Jeongguk and squeezes him tight to wake him up in the mornings. It’s something they’ve done for years and there’s no way Jeongguk’s stopping the only thing that gets him up for the day.
Taehyung scrunches his nose and lets out a pleased sigh before smiling. “It was okay.”
Jeongguk hums. “Just okay?” he asks, happy that Taehyung wasn’t as ecstatic as what he’d seen before he left the café. Though that had been a few hours ago, and Jeongguk wonders why Taehyung had been out so long if the date was only sub-par. “What did you two do?”
Taehyung presses closer, hot breath fanning over Jeongguk’s collar bones now. It’s bad, he knows, but he’s glad that Taehyung can’t see how he’s admiring the shape of Taehyung’s plush lips, pressed together like he’s in deep thought, long lashes downcasted along with his eyes, slightly tanned skin (he’s still got more melanin than half the school combined even though it’s winter), dip of the collarbones, and peeking, purple mark that is slightly hidden behind his oversized gray sweater.
Wait.
Purple Mark?
Jeongguk’s eyes open wide. “Taehyung? What’s this?” he says, louder and more mean that wha he had intended, and unthinkingly hooks Taehyung’s collar and pulls it to reveal not only one purpling, yellowish mark right above the dip of his collarbone, but a line of them trailing down even further on his chest where the sweater is covering.
“Nothing, guk,” Taehyung pulls away, grabbing his sweater and pulling it up towards his neck, biting his lips. “It’s nothing,” he says again.
Jeongguk’s fuming though, because those marks are not nothing, those marks are hickies, signs of a pair of lips that were atop Taehyung’s soft skin, marking him harshly.
“Did you two fuck?” He asks, and again it comes out cold, mechanical, angry. He regrets it when Taehyung’s eyes fly open, lips part in disbelief, body curling into himself as if he were scared, and maybe he is. Of Jeongguk.
“I-we- we didn’t!” Taehyung shakes his head furiously, and Jeongguk believes him, but that doesn’t lessen his jealousy, even when he knows he has no right. Taehyung is a grown man, and he can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. That doesn’t mean that Jeongguk is happy about it.
“Then how did those get there?” Jeongguk wishes his voice would calm down, stop making him sound like someone he’s not, stop making Taehyung’s eyes water and lips quiver.
“We were just making out, okay?” Taehyung whines, looking away with a suddenly defiant look in his eyes. “Just cause I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t kiss people.” he mutters.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath. “There’s nothing wrong with being blind, Tae.” he says, inching towards Taehyung. “I just want you to be more careful.” He stops moving and sits down when he sees Taehyung angle away. Now he’s more mad at himself than anything else. Great job fucking up, Jeon.
“I am careful.”
“I know, but I mean with people Tae.”
“Are you saying that I don’t have good judgement?” he snaps back angrily. “Frankly I don’t see why your panties are in such a twist about a few hickies, Jeongguk.”
“No, that’s not what I-”
“-Then what do you mean? I don’t see you going all apeshit when Jimin comes home late at night, or early in the morning after having sex with some random person. Why me?”
“Taehyung, listen I just-”
“Just what? You just think that because I’m blind people will take advantage of me?”
No.
“Yes!”
It’s because I’m a dumb fuck who’s jealous that those aren’t mine and will probably never be mine because I don’t know how to tell you I love you, and have loved you for as long as I can remember.
Taehyung goes silent. Then he stands up and rubs his eyes, a hiccup leaving his lips. “Fuck you Jeongguk.” he says before walking into his room.
“I always knew you were dumb, but I didn’t think you were that dumb.” Yoongi throws a him a small towel. He wipes the sweat dripping off his face a neck with it before throwing it back.
“No, hyung. I am that dumb.”
“What did Jimin say?”
“Jimin punched me. Not that hard, but it was a good punch. He was holding back.” Jeongguk sighs. “He told me to get my shit together.”
“And your shit’s still not together, hm?” The older dribbles the ball between his legs before shooting it into the hoop.
“He ignored me this morning.”
“Really?”
“Kind of. I said good morning and he grunted in my direction.” Jeongguk recalls how Taehyung had left through the door with a low grunt when usually he’d look Jeongguk’s way and beam before leaving.
“There you go. At least he’s acknowledging you. He’s not the type to stay mad, Jeongguk. He’ll be over it before the night ends.” Jeongguk agrees- never has he been angry with someone for more than a few hours, especially if they’re close. This time though, he doesn’t think it’s mendable. “Are you going to tell him?”
Jeongguk’s brows furrow. “How am I even going to say it? He deserves the best confession, and I’m just…me.”
“Exactly, Jeongguk.” Yoongi shoots another into the hoop and Jeongguk wonders why he isn’t on the basketball team when he does all of the shots and tricks better than what anyone on the team can do. “You’re you and I think Taehyung would appreciate a just Jeongguk apology and confession.”
Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Yoongi’s right. Even if Taehyung doesn’t return his feelings, then they can go back to how things were. Hopefully. That’s better than nothing, right?
Hot chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, Jeongguk walks towards Taehyung’s last class of the night- a 5pm literature critique class that runs until 7. It’s dark outside, and snowing gently, but it’s not skin bitingly cold, just cold enough for a walk and a hot drink.
When it turns seven, he hears the shuffling of paper and waits for Taehyung to exit. As usual, he’s the last one to leave, minus the professor.
“I can smell hot chocolate and a latte.” Taehyung halts in front of Jeongguk and scrunches his face adorably, not looking at him. He wants to squish the older’s cheeks but can’t. “What do you want Jeon Jeongguk?” He holds out a hand and Jeongguk gives him the cup.
“I’m sorry.” he says. “I don’t mean it.” Jeongguk takes Taehyung’s walking stick and Taehyung loops his free arm under Jeongguk’s. “You know that I think you’re the most thoughtful, kind, trusting, and smart person in the world, right?” They start walking, and Jeongguk feels like all is right in the world. Mostly. His heart’s still racing.
“I know.” The older says, lips tugging up slightly. “I know you were just looking out for me.” he brings his other arm up, resting it on Jeongguk’s bicep, and gives him a nice, boxy smile. “Thanks for looking out for me, gukkie.”
Jeongguk thinks back to the day they first met, when Taehyung’s attentive ears, and curious eyes despite their lack of sight, followed the movement of his footsteps, of the snow hitting the ground, and thinks forever.
“Always, hyung.” Jeongguk smiles back, equally large, and bops Taehyungs nose, earning him a giggle. “And I love you.”
Jeongguk stills, and so does Taehyung. He hadn’t meant to confess. “Um…I…” he fumbles, but before he can think of something to say, Taehyung starts to laugh that laugh that makes Jeongguk feel all warm and tingly, and stands up on his tip toes- now smiling- free hand reaching out and tracing the slope of Jeongguk’s nose, philthrum, then lips, causing Jeongguk’s breath to hitch.
“I love you too, Jeongguk.” he whispers, before placing just the softest kiss on his lips.
Jeongguk kisses him back after a moment of shock, wide smiles on both of their lips.
“Wait…what about that guy?” Jeongguk asks as they wait for the elevator.
“Oh, we broke up? I mean we weren’t together but after we made out yesterday I...” Taehyung looks away, cheeks tinged pink and Jeongguk knows it’s not from the weather.
“You what, baby?” Taehyung gapes at him and Jeongguk laughs. The elevator dings and they go inside.
“I just wanted to see if it would feel good but it didn’t because…” another blush and Jeongguk resists the urge to tease him. “Anyway I ended things there…then came back for cuddles and you freaked out.”
“Mmm,” Jeongguk hums, hand in hand with Taehyung as they leave the elevator and walk towards the apartment. “Now you have me to test on.” he smirks and earns himself a playful pinch on the cheek.
“Brat.” Taehyung scowls, turning the key and opening the door.
“Your brat,” Jeongguk says, and Taehyung smiles.
Munching on a bowl of cereal against the kitchen counter, Jimin gags and says, “Gross.”
(but with a big ass smile).