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Deep lilac skies faded to magenta as the soft blue light of the sun dipped below the horizon. The plush grass almost as soft as its muted yellow tint. This was only the third time they had stopped on a planet in almost two days, and Lance felt the buzz under his skin fade away as he finally settled onto solid ground. This unnamed planet was as beautiful as any they had come across in their time in space. It was a little chilly, likely due to being so far from its sun, but the sheer magnitude and heat of the sun kept the planet’s temperature well within human tolerances. It felt quite like a crisp Autumn night on Earth, and Lance allowed himself to lay back and close his eyes as memories flitted through his mind.
The saffron grass rustled as a weight settled on the ground. Lance opened his eyes to see a puff of long white hair. Allura sat beside him, looking as tired as Lance felt. Being cooped up in their lions so much was a strain on everyone, even someone as strong as the Princess.
Lance sat up and turned more towards his friend. Despite the exhaustion clear on her face, Allura was still beautiful. Lance’s thoughts turned darker as he recalled that Allura was feeling an exhaustion more potent than his own; she had been through so much recently, and she still couldn’t rest. She wasn’t just beautiful- she was strong, and compassionate, and witty, and fun. He cracked a small smile towards her as his admiration swelled in his gut. She was incredible. They all were, the whole team, but Allura stood out.
“You come here often, Princess?” Lance smirked wide, comfortable in the old routine of flirting with Allura.
“No,” Allura arched a pale eyebrow at him. “I don’t think anyone comes here. It’s uninhabited.”
Chuckling under his breath, Lance responded, “Never change, Allura.”
Allura nodded once, before falling back into silence. Her posture was rigid, her face strained as if watching a battle play out in her mind. She didn’t seem eager to start a conversation, so Lance tried again.
“Seriously, though. Is there anything you needed? You look kinda… tense.”
Her gaze flicked back to him, then away again, as several emotions flashed across her face. Eventually, her expression settled on determination, but a hint of sadness played behind her eyes.
“Yes, actually. I wanted to tell you that….,” she shook herself, apparently deciding to try a different approach. “Well, there’s no easy way to say this, but- no that’s not right.” Allura’s eyebrows scrunched together as she repeatedly began a sentence, only to cut herself off again.
“Allura!” Lance placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping to ground her as she had done for him in the past. “If something’s up, you just gotta tell me.”
Eyes fixed on the hand resting on her shoulder, Allura breathed out long and steady.
“The mice told me. About your feelings. Um, your feelings for me, that is.”
She looked sheepish, a look not commonly seen on her confident features. Lance retracted his hand slowly, feeling heat climb up his neck.
“Well, I mean…,” he ran a hand through his bangs quickly. They settled right back into place as if they were never disturbed. “They weren’t exactly a secret were they?”
“Maybe not… But I had not realized how serious your feelings were.”
Lance cleared his throat, turning his face slightly away. Why were they having this conversation? Surely there were other things that needed to be discussed. His mind raced with possibilities. Was she here to say she felt the same? Would she sigh and swoon into his waiting arm?
No. No, he wouldn’t get his hopes up. Nothing about this felt like a love confession.
“They are serious, are the not?” Allura leaned forward, attempting to recapture Lance’s gaze.
Memories bubbled to the surface of Lance’s mind. He thought back on the time they’d been travelling without the castle. Had it been days? Or weeks? Maybe even longer. It was hard enough to measure the passage of time in the castle, now it was all but impossible. Lance remembered thinking Allura seemed especially somber as they flew through space in their lions. He had attributed it to Allura feeling her deep losses, still reeling from heartbreak and betrayal. Surely, that was all still true, but the memories of Allura’s sorrowful face these past days was painfully similar to the sadness still lurking in her eyes as she sat on the ground of an alien planet beside him.
No, this conversation was not building up to a love confession.
Lance braced himself and met Allura’s striking blue eyes. “They are.”
Shuddering out a deep sigh, Allura straightened her posture again. “I am sorry, Lance. I cannot return these feelings.”
He had expected it. He had expected it for a long time, had assumed he’d be ready to hear it. But that didn’t stop his stomach from dropping and bile rising into his throat. He blinked to prevent tears from welling up.
“I understand, Princess,” a small, dejected smile worked its way onto Lance’s face.
“You do?” Allura asked apprehensively.
“Sure,” he replied. He recalled his vent session with the space mice and wondered how much they heard before falling asleep, and whether everything he had said made it back to Allura. “I think I’ve known all along that you wouldn’t feel that way for me. I had hoped, I guess. But… You’re a princess, you know? And I’m just…,” he shrugged, “I’m just some guy.” Lance's old insecurities bubbled within him. He thought he had been handling them better lately, but they were still there.
Allura shook her head, “You don’t understand at all.”
Lance stared at her quizzically, one eyebrow arching. Allura held eye contact for a few moments before releasing a huge breath, her whole body slouching forward in a show of relaxation that was atypical for her. For a moment Lance felt like he was just sitting around with a friend, rather than resting on an alien planet with an alien princess come to break his heart.
“It’s not… It has nothing to do with you not being good enough. You’re a paladin of Voltron for quiznack’s sake!” Allura threw her arms up. “Sometimes… Sometimes things just don’t work out that way.” She calmed down again. “You and the paladins and Coran, you’re my family. The only family I have left. I can’t see myself with any of you. And I can’t take any chances that would jeopardize what we all have together.”
Now family, that was something Lance could understand. He wouldn’t risk his family either.
“I guess we were never going to have a chance, huh?”
“What do you mean?” Allura asked.
“Well, think about it. Even if you had felt the same for me, even if we had gotten together, what then?”
Allura didn’t seem to be following Lance’s train of thought, based on her furrowed brow and scrunched nose.
“What would happen after the war?” Lance prompted. “When all is said and done, I want to go home. I want to be with my family.” Allura eyebrows unfurrowed as she seemed to pick up Lance’s point. “When the universe no longer needs me, I’m going to stay on Earth. But the universe will always need you, Princess. Hell, now we know there are other Alteans out there who need you. We’re heading in different directions.”
Allura looked off at the blue sunset, its light accentuating the brightness of her eyes and the sharp angles of her face. Even broken-hearted, Lance thought she was beautiful. But he’d get over it, get over her. Somehow, that didn’t seem as impossible as it had before. Definitely not today, and not tomorrow, but eventually.
“I think you’re right,” she finally replied. “We want different things. Still I… I am sorry.”
“Sorry for what exactly? You don’t need to apologize for your own feelings.” Lance attempted to smile reassuringly at his friend. “Besides, my feelings are my problem, not anyone else’s.”
Allura hummed. “Maybe so. Maybe I am not sorry for my own feelings, but I am sorry they have hurt you.”
Lance shrugged, resting back on his hands. “Ah, don’t worry about it. There’s more to me than being the Loverboy and chasing after girls.”
Allura smiled for the first time since the start of the conversation. “Oh, is that so? Are you sure you’re the real Lance, not some clone?”
“Too soon!” Lance exclaimed, yet unable to hold back a laugh.
Grinning even wider now, Allura said, “That is a rather shocking revelation, though! What else is there to Lance, pilot of the Red Lion, right-hand of the Legendary Defender of the Universe, Voltron?”
Once upon a time, Lance would have been riddled with doubt, questioning his place on the team, and hiding behind a goofball or loverboy persona. Now, though, he was more confident in himself, more assured. He had learned a lot about himself lately. He smiled coquettishly at the girl beside him.
“Well, for one thing, maybe I’ll chase after boys as well.”
He expected Allura to be taken aback, or at least to be slightly surprised. After all, this wasn’t a part of himself that Lance had even accepted and understood until recently.
When Shiro, the real Shiro awoke, he was obviously distraught, feeling guilty for the actions of the clone, despite having no responsibility for his actions. He had made a deliberate effort to make it up to the team, spending time with each of them and using this impromptu space road trip as the chance to really bond with everyone. And Lance? Lance finally got the mentorship from Shiro that he had craved back at the Garrison. Shiro talked to him about being a leader, how difficult the path is but also how worth it. He helped Lance understand things about himself he hadn’t before.
Lance had come to accept that he was bisexual due to Shiro’s excellent mentoring. He didn’t have to be afraid of it anymore. Shiro assured him that the team would accept him, and he seemed to be right on that end, as Allura didn’t seem the least bit surprised.
“Oh?” Allura leaned into Lance’s personal space, eyes glinting. “Are there any particular boys you’ll be chasing?” She jabbed him in the side with her sharp fingers, sending Lance jerking out of her reach. “Perhaps a boy who has, I don’t know, long dark hair? Fiery temper? Bad attitude? A boy you may have possibly missed greatly while he was away? Any boys like that, Loverboy?” Allura chased after him, continuing her assault as he tried to roll and squirm away.
Swatting Allura’s vicious hands away, Lance laughed freely and openly like he hadn’t been able to in so long. Allura joined in Lance’s revelry as she withdrew her hands, agreeing on a truce. They both calmed themselves again and lay back in the plush grass. The light was fading, the blue sun almost finished its descent. Sunsets on this planet were awfully long.
“How did you know?” Lance blushed, panting slightly from the roughhousing. Allura turned her head to deliver a deadpan stare.
“Call it intuition. Or, call it obvious pining. Your choice.”
“That’s fair, I guess. It’s just that… I mean, I didn’t even know until just recently.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to know yourself, even when who you are is clear to other. You seem to be making progress on that at least.” Allura smiled again. “You truly are maturing into a great paladin.”
Lance smiled back, “Thanks, Princess.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, sitting up again. “Anyway, it’s getting dark now, I think I’ll head back to the others. Are you coming?”
Lance closed his eyes, enjoying the peace of the planet for another moment. “I’ll be there in a few. Go ahead without me.”
Nodding shortly, Allura disappeared back towards the paladins’ camp. Lance sunk further into the soft grass under him. This planet really was peaceful, it allowed him to reflect on the events of the past several minutes. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, but he felt at peace right now. He would need time to process all his feelings, you didn’t get over someone like Allura overnight. But he could see his future laid out ahead of him, returning to Earth, reuniting with his family, maybe even falling in love with someone who could love him back.
“You gonna come back anytime soon?” a gruff voice asked from above him.
Lance startled into a sitting position, looking up at the owner of the voice. He looked a little different now, slightly bigger, slightly scarred. But there was that familiar dark hair, longer now, but still mostly the same. The same sharp eyes, fiercer than before, but still big and bright and glinting with amusement at Lance’s expense. The same Keith, a little different, but still the same.
“Geez, give a guy a heart attack, why dontcha.” Lance huffed, climbing to his feet. “Yeah, I’m heading back now. Can’t deprive you all of my beauty for too long, can I?”
Keith laughed quietly, turning on his heel and heading back towards camp.
Lance chased after him.