Chapter Text
Tony Stark does not like the summer.
He used to. He used to like the heat and the sun and the beach, and partying with girls he hardly knew and drugs and sex and booze. He used to like a lot of things.
But then there was an explosion and open heart surgery in a cave in the middle of the desert and being held captive for months.
It’s, understandably sobering.
Figuratively.
Literally, not so much.
Tony drinks more than ever when he returns from Afghanistan, though not in an attempt to get back into a partying kind of life. This is the kind of drinking he does to try to forget.
It’s not really successful, but he sure as hell gives it his best shot.
He’s still twitchy in the summer, still jumpier when the weather gets anywhere above seventy five degrees, still can’t sleep without the air conditioning on.
He’s certain that Natasha and Clint, fucking super spies , notice there is something off, and Pepper keeps giving him looks, this mix between concern, pity and disappointment, so Tony cuts back on the drinking and he covers up the reactions that get exacerbated by the heat, and no one else says anything, and it’s fine.
~*~
Vanko happens.
New York happens.
The Mandarin and Killian happen.
It only gets worse.
~*~
Drinking turns into spending all night tinkering in his workshop, and dangerous experiments and poor lab safety practices. He destroyed his suits, sure, but it’s not long before he has a legion of iron bots in their place and a new set of back up suits for just in case, and there’s a kid he’s found in New York so he obsessively researches him and makes a suit for the kid too, and then he decides that the rest of the team could use an upgrade, and then they find the Maximoff twins in Sokovia and he destroys the iron legion and makes the twins new suits instead and he does his very best to bury his own issues behind countless design projects and ideas.
Pepper’s glad that he’s not trying to drink himself into oblivion anymore, she’s so much less stressed about him now.
She doesn’t know that he’s not really trying very hard to keep himself alive, but what she doesn’t know won’t kill her.
~*~
Peter starts to notice something’s up with Tony as soon as he starts spending more time with the Avengers.
It’s been made abundantly clear that he’s not a full-fledged team member yet, but he is spending the summer at the compound, training and learning what the team is like, with Aunt May’s permission of course. They all agree that if they can’t stop Peter from being Spiderman, at least they can improve his skills and keep him safer.
(Steve and Pepper take Peter back to the city to visit every Sunday. Before they head back to the compound, they all have dinner with May. It’s an event.)
It’s because of these trips that Peter starts to notice something off.
Peter’s coming back into the compound with Steve and Pepper after a visit with Aunt May, when they run into Tony. “Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims, interrupting himself. Pepper and Steve merely smile at him and continue on their way, Steve towards the gym no doubt, and Pepper towards the conference room, likely to catch up on phone calls and emails and whatever else she was always having to take care of. “I didn’t know today was the anniversary of the Battle of New York. Ned said they were playing footage all over Times Square, and it was playing on TVs in every bodega and in all the windows we passed in Queens, it was crazy! You guys don’t ever talk about that so I never really thought about it, but I never like, said thank you or anything. I was in the city when all that happened, me and Aunt May and Uncle Ben. You guys kinda-- Mr. Stark, are you okay?”
And that’s when Tony snaps his head up and looks at Peter with wide eyes, and Peter actually takes a step back because he wasn’t expecting that at all.
Tony takes a moment, shakes his head and then plasters a smile that Peter can tell is fake on his face and says, “Yeah, kid, I’m great. Go spar with Captain Spangles or something. Burn off all that energy you seem to have or whatever. I’ve got work to do.”
That’s a blunter dismissal than Peter’s used to. He knows that sometimes he’s going to catch people at a bad time, and he’s fine with being told that they’re busy at the moment, but they’re usually kind enough to at least tell him they’ll talk later, or apologize for having to run or cut their conversation short. Tony can be short, but he’s never really outright rude to Peter or any of the team.
Peter really wonders if he’s okay.
But Tony doesn’t seem in the mood for talking, so Peter nods and says goodbye and files that all away for later.
A sparring session with Steve and Natasha later and Peter’s concern has fallen far to the back of his mind. Tony’s an adult. Peter’s sure he can handle whatever’s got him on edge.
The days grow hotter and Tony’s mood worsens.
Peter asks Steve if he knows what’s going on.
Steve says that maybe Tony hasn’t gotten enough sleep recently, and that he’ll check on him.
Peter forgets.
And then two weeks later, they have the worst heatwave that New York State has seen in quite a few years. Peter stays up late talking to Ned and MJ in the middle of it and before he knows it, it’s 2 in the morning and he’s still awake. To be fair, his friends are awake too, so it’s not totally his fault.
Then Peter hears a crash from somewhere out in the common area, so far away and muffled that he only hears it because of his enhanced senses. The hairs on his arm stand up straight and he knows something’s definitely wrong.
He shushes Ned and MJ and ignores the way their expressions both turn serious and concerned in their little boxes on his screen.
“Something’s wrong, I gotta go,” he says quickly, and he shuts his laptop before they can ask him any questions. He creeps out of his room, not worried about waking his neighbor because Vision is a robot and also probably in Wanda’s room anyway, but still wanting to keep quiet until he figures out what’s going on.
He gets out into the common area and doesn’t see anyone or anything out of place, so he ventures a little further, until he’s been through all of their shared space on this floor except for the kitchen.
He’s approaching the kitchen doorway when he hears Steve’s voice, and he lets out a breath. Steve’s there. Whatever it is must be handled if Steve’s there. But still curious, he presses forward just a little more to see who Steve’s talking to and why there was crashing going on.
Steve sounds a little worried when he speaks, and that makes Peter worried, so he steps even closer. “Come on. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” Steve’s saying and Peter’s feet are moving without him really being able to stop them.
When he steps into the kitchen fully, he doesn’t see anything, but he smells freshly brewed coffee, and he can see the full pot on the counter. He can’t see anything else though. And then he hears shuffling, and he steps close enough to peer around the kitchen island and he sees Steve crouched on the floor next to Tony, a shattered mug in the center of a puddle next to them. Someone must have dropped a mug of coffee.
Tony must have dropped a mug of coffee. He’s the only one who would brew it at this hour.
“Mr. Stark?” Peter says softly, voice barely above a whisper.
Tony and Steve’s attention snaps to him.
Tony’s eyes are blown wide and scared and Peter’s never seen any of the adults around the compound look like that, never seen anyone look that scared, aside from civilians in the middle of battles. But he knows that look can only go along with one thing. He knows the feeling. He felt it when Toomes dropped a building on him.
Panic. Sheer, unadulterated, unbridled panic.
Tony’s having a panic attack, or he’s just coming down from one.
Judging from the way he’s holding himself, Peter’s assuming it’s the latter.
“Peter,” Steve says, his tone gentle, but still very, very serious. “What are you doing up. It’s late, you should be in bed.”
“I’m sorry, Captain Rogers--”
“Steve,” Steve corrects, a knee jerk reaction. Peter nods. He always forgets that.
“Steve. I was up talking to my friends, and I lost track of time and then I heard a crash and I just came to see what it was. Thought it might be something a little worse than a mug. Maybe Hawkeye was trying to steal from the cookie jar or something,” he jokes and Tony looks just a little less stiff, so Peter keeps going. Steve must notice it too, because he doesn’t stop Peter as he comes further into the kitchen, perching himself on the corner of the kitchen island, opposite Steve and Tony, carefully avoiding the glass on the floor. “Mr. Stark, I was telling Ned and MJ, uh, they’re the friends I was talking to, I go to school with them, I was telling them about the upgrades to my suit we were working on, and they thought it was so cool. Oh! I told them about the arrowheads you were helping Agent Barton design too, and MJ started talking about all these ideas she was coming up with for them, and she was saying that maybe we could create an arrowhead with my web-fluid in it, so he could have like a net arrow or something, She had some idea about something for Agent Romanoff too. She’s ridiculously smart. Anyway, I was thinking that I haven’t really been able to spend time with them lately and I’ve been away so much, that maybe it might be cool if her and Ned could come visit for a day this week or something. Only if you’re all okay with it of course. I mean, I am a guest here,” Peter says, quieting towards the end of his rambling.
It seems to have done its job though. Tony doesn’t look quite so pale as he did when Peter arrived, and he manages to nod and choke out, “Yeah. S’fine, kid. Just can’t let them into any restricted areas.” His voice sounds strained, but Steve breathes a sigh of relief and Peter assumes that this is the first Tony’s spoken in a while.
Peter starts talking again, just throwing around ideas, things he could do with his friends and how excited he is to be able to show them the compound, and to let them meet a couple of the team and work with him, because they’ve been so worried about him and he misses them as much as he’s excited to be here, and he goes on and on and on, until Tony finally stops looking like he’s about to jump out of his skin. There’s still a haunted, hollow look in his eyes, and he doesn’t look all too aware of what’s happening, but he’s at least not as tense.
“Mr. Stark, are you okay?” Peter finally asks.
“S’the heat. Makes me jumpy. Just a little bad dream is all,” Tony says, dismissively.
Steve’s brow furrows. “You want to talk about it, Tony?”
Tony lets out a wretched sounding laugh. “Do you want to hear about the time that someone stuck their hand in my chest while I was awake to make sure shrapnel didn’t shred my heart?” This time his laugh is derisive. Sharp. “Thought not.” He glances up at Peter and his expression crumples a little but Peter just gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile.
Steve’s the one who speaks though. “We’d listen if that’s what you needed to say.”
Tony sighs and shakes his head.
“You’re both up too late anyway.” The clock on the oven reads 3:27. “You’ve gotta go to bed, kid. You could use some rest too, Rogers. I’ve got to finish up some things in my worksh--”
“You’ve got to get some rest. Go to sleep Tony. Whatever it is can wait till tomorrow. You’ll be more focused then. Pepper will be back from Beijing tomorrow morning too. Just… go back to bed, and call if you need me. But at least try getting some rest, Steve says, and Peter nods in agreement.
Tony sighs, but nods, and shuffles off towards the living quarters, while Steve stoops to clean the mess of the broken mug.
“FRIDAY, let me know if anything happens with Tony, okay?” Steve says, as he throws away the last pieces of the mug and cleans up the spill.
“Of course, Captain Rogers,” the AI responds.
Peter is still perched on the counter.
“Thank you for that, Peter,” Steve finally says, clapping a hand onto his shoulder. He gets close enough to give Peter a quick one armed hug, and then picks him up off the counter and places him on his feet. “It was really great of you to help out like that. Now go to bed, kid, and you can have FRIDAY call me if you need anything too.”
Peter gives Steve a tired smile and yawns and nods and stumbles back to his room with his eyes only half open, suddenly exhausted.
He realizes as he’s falling asleep that he has no idea what Steve was doing up in the first place, how he could have known that Tony needed help, but Peter’s forgotten the concern by the time he wakes up.