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I awoke on the sand, the sound of waves slowly pushing onto the shore only to be pulled back filled my ears. Dazed, I sat up and rested my arms behind me, observing the horizon. My eyes were welcomed with a beautiful blue, the color that expresses an unsaid hope, a shade that makes one feel calmer than ever, a taint the way one smiles in supreme serenity. Slowly I felt the muscles in my face pull my lips up into a smile. It just felt so natural with the sea air filling my lungs, calming me even more. Slowly I turned, finding an amazing scene placed before me. Trees graced the land, full of every shade of green, all of it towering into the sky. Birds hopped from branch to branch, calling each other out, seeking for an answer. My smile widened and I shuffled to get up. My short legs weren’t used to the weight I was making them carry and I fell. Giggling, I tried once again only to find that I could not be stable. Using my arms and knees, I went over to the beach to be closer to the water. The wisps of air carried little sprinkles of water, landing on my face and hair, foam reaching to the high tide. I adjusted myself and sat near the water, letting it tickle my toes as it brushed up on the sand. It was just so peaceful. A perfect way to first wake up, but that brought some of my first thoughts to my mind, Where am I? Who am I? What am I? My eyebrows furrowed and my lips pursed as I thought about that. A sudden noise brought my attention elsewhere and my eyes scanned the beach for its source.
The sight of a boat caught my gaze and I squinted my eyes in the light for better detail. It was of decent size, the side rowed with shields of exquisite design and oars projecting from its belly. I looked up and found flags covering the tops of the masts and men running along the boat, grabbing random things and throwing them at each other or onto the shore. Curious, I dragged my still weak body to the ship to further my knowledge on this discovery. Onboard, men started using ropes to get off, cheering as they landed on the ground. When I finally reached them, a man with shoulder length hair reached the stern and began to climb down a rope. He landed on the ground with a thud and looked around, his pride glowing from his face. I smiled with him and saw the shadow of another man on board; looking up I saw him. He had blonde hair and it was cut shorter than the other men, pinned back just slightly, but despite that difference, he wore the same garments as the others, thick fur and armor coating his body. After he got to the earth he looked around, it seemed as if the others didn’t notice him, or they just chose not to. The look of disinterest in everything was also what set him different from the other men, it just seemed so sad and bored. I crawled over to him, undetected by the other men and spoke up to him. “Hello.”
He raised an eyebrow as he said, “Hello?”
“Who are you?” my small voice piqued.
“I was about to ask the same thing to you,” he replied as he bent down and lifted me into the air. His arms were surprisingly strong despite his look, another feature that separated him from the rest. “Do you own the land?” he questioned.
“I don’t really know. I just woke up, sir.”
A faint smile spread his lips as his eyes became kinder, “I believe you do if you just woke up and are already fluent in a language.”
I thought about what he said. I guess it made sense. “So, what am I?” I asked him.
His knowing gaze continued to stare at me and my land, “You are like me, a country.”
A country. That sounded incredible. And by incredible I mean in-credible; as in the sense of, this cannot be true, no way. But instead I just stared back at him and muttered, “Oh.”
He chuckled slightly and shifted my position so my head could rest against his chest. “Yeah, doesn’t make sense. But we are.”
He continued to hold me, I could feel his steady pulse through his armor as it lulled me into another rest. He moved and I looked up to see him walking to the forest. Another thought entered my mind as we walked into the greenery, “What country are you?”
“Hm? Oh, Norway, sorry.” He looked down, the sun that filtered through the leaves reflected onto him and made his hair golden. I reached up to touch it, only to pull my hand back. Calm down, me, its just hair, don’t touch someone else’s hair. He chuckled at my restraint and shifted me again so I could look at his hair as we moved farther into the woods.
Another thought bothered me, “What country am I?”
He looked at me in a side glance and shrugged, “Don’t know. You’ll have to decide for yourself later.”
“Hm,” I replied. He smiled lightly again and continued on, silence and birds surrounding us. On occasion other larger animals peeked their heads through to examine us, only to turn and flee. Slowly, I drifted off into sleep.
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Two weeks pass.
The sun continued to shine down onto the beach as he packed. It had been two weeks of journeys through the woods, discovering small meadows and big trees, finding new birds and amazing fruit. I knew it was coming to an end but I just sat there, dumbfounded as he labored in binding supplies to his ship. The sun shone; why did it have to shine? I was sad, becoming depressed, and there it was, making the area beautiful. One last time Norway climbed down to the beach and walked over to me. By know I could use my legs properly and I waddled over to him for one last farewell. He scooped me up into his strong arms and held me close. Whispering, he said, “I’ll be back again someday, don’t worry.” I looked at him with tears in my eyes threatening to spill onto my cheeks.
“Don’t go, please.”
His eyes brimmed with tears as well yet he continued to say, “I must.” He planted a small kiss on my forehead and lowered me to the ground. He stayed kneeling and stared at me for awhile longer. “You’ll be safe, and strong. I know you will.” And with that he got up, and walked over to his ship as Leif and his crew began pushing the boat back into the water to sail back home. They cheered as it was lifted by the water and they all began climbing back onto the boat. Norway stood on the edge of the boat, looking out at the small boy he had cared for for those two brisk weeks. His only thought, “Its a shame I won’t return.”
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As soon as he left tears stained the beach and my small white garment. My hands tried to wipe them away yet tears filled my eyes to the brim as soon as they left. Sobs rocked my body back and forth, mucus draining through my nose. My life was over, it just wasn’t fair. I continued to cry as I thought back to his hair, how it turned into strands of gold as the sun filtered through the soft green leaves onto his hair. Why did he have to go?
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Around 586 years later.
Another boat arrived on my shores, but this time it looked as if there were more people, not only more people, but people that looked like they wouldn’t leave. Eventually they began using some of my resources, but it was to build homes. They were gonna stay! People were going to live here! Tears brimmed my eyes again, but unlike that past five-hundred years, these tears expressed relief, a joy I hadn’t felt in years. Finally I was gonna meet more people like me, maybe Norway will be back too. A few months after their arrival their leader left to go reveal the news of their find, but the rest stayed. Joy overtook my heart and I was finally going to reveal myself, finally let myself be loved once more.
“No,” I gasped. “No, stop, please, NO, PLEASE!” I ran around, trying to stop the tan men from stealing the new people. Smoke filled my lungs causing my head to pound. My lungs began to scream for air, yet I couldn’t abandon my people, I wouldn’t. “Please stop!” I begged as I tugged on the loosely stitched pants of one of the pillagers. My head began pounding for a new reason, my hearing tuned out and my vision blurred with a red outline, something warm was on my head and it was running down my cheek. I reached up, cowering, and found on my fingers a slick red. My face felt warm and sticky, the stench of copper and smoke filled my nose and airways as I looked around. The screams deafened me along with the ringing in my ears, tears mixed with the red streaming down my face. I looked up to see the man who hit me running, taking a captive and dragging her through the mud by the hand. I couldn’t see her head since it dropped down but I could see the red trail following her. He scalped her. Dear God, he scalped her. My breathing quickened and the stench of death and fire continued to fill me up, making my head light. Everywhere I looked there was only death or the remnants of something destroyed. I ran. I ran away. I couldn’t help my people. I hid in the bushes and clean air finally filled my lungs, yet sobs racked my body. Gulping down air, I held my hand over my mouth, the other on my chest, and my tears washed my face.
Days went by. Eventually greenery sprouted from its bloody fertilizer, the ashes making it grow faster as weeks raced by. As the time went on I cleaned myself, the blood surprisingly not even leaving a stain in the fabric of my white garment. Roanoke was gone. And so was my hope.
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Another hundred or so years.
My hope continued to dwindle. No one was ever going to stay. Either that or the Indians would just continue to destroy the hope that was building.
Finally though, some people managed to stay. I wouldn’t say I agreed with how some of them dealt with the natives already here, but I was finally getting what I wanted. Hope. One day, as I was walking among long grass, chasing bunnies, I heard voices. They didn’t sound like the natives, but they also didn’t sound like the new people. I walked closer to the voices, my curiosity driving me forward. Suddenly I saw golden strands bouncing through the woods, happily chatting with another head of golden hair, the taller wearing glasses and a stern expression. Even though he had that tough look, he appeared to be focusing very intently on the smaller one, nodding along with what he said. The smaller looked familiar. My curious nature sent me forward and I followed them to a small village they had. I watched them for a few weeks until the smaller finally noticed me. His eyes had a certain twinkle in them that invited me to him, the soft brown complementing his warm presence. “Why hullo, and who might you be?”
“A country,” I replied, even after all these years I did not choose a name.
We continued to stare at one another and he broke into a smile. “A country, huh?” I nodded, the bunny in my arms snuggling into my chest. He patted the soil, “This your land?”
“Mhm, that’s right, sir.” The bunny thumped its feet and I let it go, watching it race across into the grass next me. I looked back at the man and smiled. He really did look kind.
“Would you like to stay with me and my friend? We can share a home.” he enticed.
I giggled, his accent sure was funny, then I remembered the familiarity. My eyes widened and I pointed at his hair, turning gold in the light. “Are you Norway, sir?”
His smile faltered for a moment and his expression became one of shock. As soon as that face showed up it disappeared with a laugh of merriment, “Why, no. Sorry, I’m Finland.”
My smile fell and my eyes lowered, deeply examining a blade of grass. I wasn’t holding back tears, I was a big country, I wasn’t sad. Not at all. He smiled with a look of pity at me, “I am his brother though, we’re close-ish.”
I looked back up at him, that did explain the familiarity to his presence. “So,” he continued, replacing his look of condolence for a look that seemed almost parental, “would you like to join me?”
His tone was one of complete kindness, his eyes full of warmth and promise, yet his question bothered me. Join him? It sounded like a sentence, something I might regret later on. Of course, after learning to keep my emotions in check, I kept a calm exterior and giggled.
“Is that a yes?” he raised an eyebrow.
I stood up and brushed the little wisps of green off my garment and looked up at him, my crisp blue eyes staring into his soft brown ones. “Gotta catch me first!” And I ran, into the thicket I went. I could basically hear the confusion in his steps and envisioned his expression as one of, “wha- where is he?” I quickened my steps as I heard grass being trampled behind me, his small voice calling after me. Never did I look back at him, I only continued to run. I was still free. I was still safe.
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Few weeks pass by.
I walked through the grass, searching for the bunny I had been holding. I giggled as he jumped out at me and caught him. Hugging him close, I continued to walk through the grass. My stomach had started to gurgle and I began a search for my lunch, only to hear muffled arguing. Wow, I thought, there are a lot of people here now. I shuffled over to the noise slowly, so as not to interrupt to quarreling. Looking through the grass, I saw two people, each with their back facing me and loading bags onto a cart. They both had blond hair, one had longer hair than the other, but both seemed to reflect the sun and turn their hair gold. The shorter one with shorter hair looked so much like Norway. Could it be him? Had he finally come back for me? “Nor-” my voice stopped mid sentence. It couldn’t be him. It was never him.
It seemed as if those men were the two arguing, though. They waved their arms enough at each other to look like it, their faces getting red with exasperation. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying since it was fast, loud, and coated in anger. I held onto the bunny tighter as tears brimmed my vision, I couldn’t understand them but their fighting made me scared. Another man ran onto the scene though as a tear left my eye, only to be wiped by my hand a moment later.
It was that man, the one asked me to “join” him. The soft one with kind brown eyes that made me uncomfortable. He seemed to distract them from their fight, but they just looked at him as if he bored them and he wasn’t worth much. He appeared to be complaining to them and I could only smile. Ha, I thought, hope you suffer. Suddenly I heard him mention that there’s a ‘kid’ here and he saw ‘him’ walking around near his village. The other two men appeared to stiffen at that comment and I did as well, he was talking about me. I tried to back up but I shuffled the grass too much and they took notice, all of them turning toward me. My heart began to race and adrenaline coursed through my veins as Fin-something-or-other pointed at me and exclaimed, “HIM!” A sharp breath filled my lungs and I started to turn, ready to sprint to safety when I saw the other two men; the shoulder length haired one raised an eyebrow but other than that didn’t seem too shocked to see me. The other, with short golden hair, looked at me with kind eyes. I wanted to hug him and forget all the pain I had felt, I wanted to cry into his shoulder and let him care for me, let him love me. My breathing returned to normal and I let myself smile, making sure to make my eyes appear friendly so as not to alert them of my true intentions: to run.
They walked forward and I could see the short haired one more clearly; it wasn’t Norway, much to my disappointment, but my smile didn’t falter as they kneeled in front of me, kind eyes examining me. Fin-who-even-cares-really slowly started forward, as if counting his steps; it seemed as if he remembered how fast I could run and didn’t want me to go again. What an idiot.
“He seems young, no?” said the shoulder haired man. What kind of an accent was that? It sounded both ridiculous and obnoxious.
“He is just a young country, right?” said the short haired one. His calm green orbs stared back at my crisp blue ones. I squinted slightly, what did they plan for me?
“Think so, but still, be careful.” said Fin-I-don’t-care-for-his-name.
The one with the obnoxious tone scoffed as if I couldn’t do anything more than look cute. Again, idiot. “How can he be zat bad, hm?” Wow, he was stupid. Of course I might only be able to run but I thought I was pretty strong and violent when needed.
“Don’t underestimate anything,” said green orbs as he scolded the obnoxious one. “He could be hiding something.”
The other just looked at him with a lot of doubt yet didn’t persist in the argument. “Whatevair.”
The one with the soft green eyes turned back to me and looked with the utmost curiosity on his face, I only squinted back. “What is your name, lad?” he asked, very gently I might add.
“America,” I told him, I decided it recently, I had taken a liking to the mistake of a mapmaker.
He nodded in response and continued to ask small questions. I didn’t pay much attention to any of them, I only continued to observe his features. He was very similar to Norway when I last saw him: calm, happy, not too expressive. They had similar eyes in how they looked at me, they were filled with respect and care; I felt safe. The only thing that made me stare was his eyebrows. Dear something-above they were big. How did they get that big? Why did he let them get that big? Did he hide things in them? He seemed to notice where I was staring and so did shoulder length, he began laughing at the shorter man and making remarks on how he was “going to drive the kid away with his bushy caterpillars.” I was starting to turn away when the shoulder length one put a hand on my shoulder, keeping me there.
“‘Old on zere, kid, we aren’t done.” My heart rate quickened again. Please stop touching me, I silently begged. The green-eyed one pulled his hand off my shoulder and scolded him. I turned and telepathically thanked him, it probably didn’t work, but hey, I thanked him.
“What he means,” he said turning back to me, “is we just wanted to introduce ourselves.”
“I,” the obnoxious one began. “Am France, but you can call me Papa.”
The green eyed one rolled his eyes as I threw up in my mouth. “My name is England.”
I liked England a lot more than France just based on attitude already. Finland looked sad and confused, probably because I stayed with these two longer than with him. Ha, I thought.
Then they asked which one of them I wanted to join. My heart froze and my skin crawled. What was it with these people and asking me to join them?? My exterior remained calm as my mind began planning escape routes. That was ruined when France picked me up and took me to the center of the dirt path they rested their cart on. He set me down and both him and England stepped back. They both squatted down and England opened his arms for a welcoming embrace. The look on his face was so kind, so gentle, I really wanted to hug him back. Then I looked over at France, and he was holding a plate. What was on it looked a little gross but despite its sight, its scent traveled over and made my mouth water. It smelt like it was the essence of home and kind welcomings put on a plate, my stomach began to growl. Slowly I walked over to his plate to look closer. It was so enticing. Wait, enticing. This was a plot. “You can have this as often as you want if you join me.” he said. My stomach answered in reply and he smiled victoriously, curse him, but his food did look really good….
I heard sniffling next to me and I looked over and saw England bent over, shaking slightly. “I guess you win, frog.” he muttered.
France hmphed in response and looked back at me, only to find I left him. He looked around and found me walking over to England. His mouth hung open in shock. How dare he use waterworks, thought France.
“Hey,” I reached out and touched his hand, “don’t cry.” He looked up slowly, his face was slightly puffy and tears stained his cheeks, he gave me a look of defeat.
“Its ok,” he croaked. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and tried to smile at me. “I hope you have fun with him.” The sadness in his kind green eyes made tears spring into mine.
“I don’t want to be with him though.”
He looked at me as if confused, then smiled, rillettes of clear liquid running off his chin. He looked into my temperate blue eyes with his passionate green ones and lifted me into a hug. He laughed quietly, as if I had just made him happier than any other person in the entire world. I giggled and hugged him back, burying my face into his shoulder, a warmth spreading through my entire essence. So this is what true love is like. “Big Brother,” I called him.
I could feel him stiffen as I said that, and he whispered back, quickly and quietly, “No, I am just, I’m just England. Call me England.” I didn’t see the big deal of ‘Big Brother’ but I also didn’t see why I shouldn’t call him England so I shrugged it off. Our hug continued like that for awhile until he carried me away so we could start our lives together in close collaboration.
It took me only a few years later, but I realized I never agreed to join him or anyone.
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Around the first world meeting.
“Welcome to the world meeting, have a nice day,” a peppy brunette greeted me at the entrance.
“What a nice girl,” I thought as I took the pamphlet she handed out. I walked into the meeting hall and looked around. It was huge. It seemed as if everyone were here, and I hoped I would find him here. It had been decades since I last saw him in person. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I searched for my target, trying to remember what I was going to say, what I would do. Finally I spotted him. His blonde hair still managed to catch any form of light and have it turn it to gold, yet in the fluorescent light it was faint and made his hair look whiter instead. I walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder. He almost dropped the cup he had been filling up at the cooler and turned with a frown on his face and his brows furrowed as if he were about to make a retort. Then he seemed to look at me closely and froze. His face still said boredom yet his eyes looked at me as if saying, Shit.
“Hey,” I muttered. I looked at his hair, it was still clipped, yet his outfit had changed drastically. Instead of being covered in fur and armor he wore a blue sailor suit and a small blue hat. He nodded in response, as if speaking would break him.
I pursed my lips and worried my bottom lip, finally saying, “I just wanted to say that it was nice to finally see you again.” His eyes darkened in a way that wasn’t angry like I had seen in England’s eyes countless times before. They lowered in shame and he only replied, “You too.”
I nodded and turned, not bothering to look back as I walked away, my heart raced and ached, the dull pain being felt all throughout my chest. My lungs went on autopilot and my head pounded, tears began to rim my eyes as I raced for the bathroom to calm down. I couldn’t look back at the one who abandoned me, just like he did to me so many centuries before. This time though, I didn’t run. It was one of the only things I knew I was best at along with hiding my emotions, replacing them with the happy-go-lucky attitude I always presented. I opened the bathroom door and entered a stall, breathing slowly as I listened for anyone in there. I didn’t hear anyone and my breathing turned into heaving as I let myself get lost in the sea of depression that plagued me. He didn’t even look that sorry. Why would he be? He left you for a reason, my mind screamed. I still didn’t know why he left me, why he abandoned me after I loved him. My throat ached as air was forced in and out of my lungs, tears streaming down my face. I gripped my thighs tightly, making me loose feeling, but if I didn’t hold them I would’ve taken my pent up rage out on some innocent inanimate object. Or animate. I didn’t care. I just wanted these feelings out of me for the meeting. I heard a slight tap on my stall door and I sucked in my breath. “Yeah,” I called, trying to control my intake on air.
“Its me,” a soft voice called out. A soft scratching was heard on the other side of the door. I sighed and opened the door slowly, finding Canada looking at me.
“Hey,” I said sheepishly.
“Can I come in?”
“Its small, but sure.”
He entered the stall after setting his bear down and shut the door behind him, he kneeled in front of me and patted my back. “Did you find him?” he already knew about my mess.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“And did you tell him off?”
“No.”
“Tsk, that's a shame, he made you so depressed though.”
“Yeah, I know.” His hand continued to rub small circles in my back, calming me down. “I just, couldn’t. Y’know?”
“Yeah, I know.” He had been left by them too, but when they left they told others about him. He didn’t have to wait very long before more people came and they left people there on his land. They left me completely for decades without a single word to others to find me, no one to try and care for me. No one to love me. I just sighed and he helped me up. We left the stall and he helped me fix up my appearance for the meeting so no one would worry or question me. Still five minutes to go, I took my seat at the meeting and found Norway sitting a little off from me, glancing at me from time to time. His face was so full of shame, and though I would never know, he had left to go to another bathroom after I walked away from him and sobbed until the meeting as well.
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