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Draco would never get over how chaotic his son’s house was. He knew that most of it was due to his husband, but having been brought up in the stiff halls of Malfoy Manor with his father and grandfather ruling over everything this disorder still felt foreign to him. Draco wouldn’t exactly use the word ‘mess’ to describe it (well not to them of course). But there was always just so much going on.
Albus was constantly bringing creatures home from work. He knew that Scorpius had scolded him the first few times, but with a healer heart he would never resist taking one in. Draco felt like every time he came over there was always a new addition to their family and considered, not for the first time, whether he should offer to build them some sort of barn in their garden. But then Albus didn’t need any encouragement to bring home larger creatures. Draco wouldn’t have been surprised if one day he would come over to find a hippogriff or even an opeidian opal eye.
He stepped carefully over the blankets and shoes scattered on the floor. From the number of little pairs of shoes dispersed Draco guessed that James and his kids were also here. He felt a pang, something that felt a little like longing if he were to put a word to it. He wouldn’t trade Scorpius or the time that he had with Astoria for anything. They were his light, and although he would have cherished a long life with Astoria by his side and a few more children to fill the empty rooms of the Manor he never regretted choosing her.
His childhood had been structured, full of lessons from a young age, learning the ideals that his grandfather and father had preached to him. And although he had interacted with other pure blood children they weren’t friends. Draco had never had friends. It was the thing he had worried about most, when Scorpius had first gone to Hogwarts. That Scorpius would be as lonely as he had been. But he had found Albus, and Draco could never articulate to his son-in-law how much it, how much he meant to him. Because of Albus his son had a school experience infinitely better than his own. Because of Albus his son had gained a family that loved him as their own. And because of Albus his granddaughter would grow up surrounded by a real family, in a happy and vibrant environment. Something that a Malfoy had probably never had before.
He heard the Potters before he saw them. It was sunny out and they were all gathered in the garden, and Draco stood at the door for a moment just watching. Evan was running around, cackling deviously as Hannah chased after him. James’s kids were always up to some kind of trouble but were kind and always smiling, and although Draco would never admit it he admired what a good dad James was. Harry and Ginny were standing at a table which was laden with food and jugs and cups. It wasn’t a special day, but it wasn’t unusual for everyone to be gathered together like this at the weekend. Draco’s family had never been together unless it was some sort of event or a birthday. And it was never like this. There was never anything close to this warmth.
His eyes instinctively searched for his son. He found him at the other side of the garden, sitting at a table with James. Aurora was with him, being enveloped in love. Draco doubted there was ever a moment when she wasn’t being doted on by somebody. She had a floppy blue hat on her head, sheltering her from the heat of the sun. She was wearing a dress covered in a pattern of green dragons, a dress which Draco had bought for her the other week. Scorpius was holding her hands as she stood on top of his thighs, rocking backwards and forwards and giggling when Scorpius would pretend to push her off. No matter how convincing it was to his baby girl Draco had no doubt that Scorpius was holding on to her tiny hands as tightly as he could.
It had taken a while for him to relax into this environment, to feel comfortable around Albus’s family. He knew how much it mattered to Scorpius that they all got along. He was very perceptive, and Draco knew that his son often worried about him and his loneliness. So he made an effort, even with those he had never tolerated before. And soon he stopped feeling like a spectator, and started feeling like he was a part of it all.
“Draco!” someone shouted, and he turned to see Evan racing towards him.
“Hi Evan, how are you?” Draco asked, smiling as the boy came to a stop at his feet, grabbing onto his hand immediately and starting to drag him over to where his sister was crouched down, looking at something in the grass.
His question was ignored as Evan started babbling excitedly about the kneazle that Albus had brought home during the week.
“Uncle Albus said not to be too loud cause we could scare it, and that it’s our own fault if we get bit,” he explained as they reached the others.
“I bet he did,” Draco smirked, knowing how often Albus and James would argue about the creatures in his house. It often ended with Albus pointing out that Aurora had never been injured, and he would never bring home an animal that posed any sort of real threat. James’s kids were older and therefore more likely to accidently do something to scare the creature, only because they had more curiosity about them than Aurora at that point.
He stayed with the two of them for a while before they lost interest and ran off to find something more exciting to occupy them. He looked over to where Scorpius had been sitting earlier but he was no longer there. A quick sweep of the garden showed that he wasn’t outside so Draco headed into the house.
He had to admit that when Scorpius had told him that he and Albus wanted to live in Scotland when they graduated he had been apprehensive. Not for the reason many would think – that the two were rushing into things (Draco knew there would never be anyone else for either of them). It was because Draco had been looking forward to having his son closer to him after his schooling had ended. He had never told Scorpius, had swallowed his selfishness and bought them a lovely house not far from Albus’s work and near a pub with a floo connection that would take Scorpius straight to St Mungos. Draco had worried that nothing would change, that maybe he would actually end up seeing Scorpius less. He needn’t have worried though. Scorpius was always around. Or always inviting Draco to theirs. Draco soon felt comfortable turning up at their house without an invitation (although after that incident he always gave some advanced warning, not wanting to catch his son in a position like that ever again. It had taken weeks for Scorpius and Albus to stop blushing everytime they saw him, he did not want a repeat). Draco didn’t know if Scorpius’s perceptiveness had allowed him to see Draco’s fears, or if he had just wanted his dad around more. Whatever the reason Draco was so grateful to be such a prominent part in his life.
He wandered into the kitchen, following the voices.
“Hey Dad,” Scorpius called out as he walked in. He was lounging against the cabinet as Aurora sat in her high chair with Albus feeding her, pretending the spoon was a broom. Draco smiled. It was something that Astoria had done with Scorpius, and he was overjoyed he could pass something of hers down to Scorpius and Albus. He felt a pang that so often accompanied his thoughts. It was inevitable, with all the kids and couples around, that he would end up thinking of Astoria. He was used to the ache now, it had been a part of him since he had lost her. It was always less when he was surrounded with his family, but there were always points where it would hit him with force.
“Draco,” Albus greeted. Aurora just mumbled, managing to spill half of the food over her face and down her front into the bib that was thankfully keeping the dress underneath pristine.
With a closer look at his son Draco realised he looked tired. That wasn’t unusual – with a young child and still working part time at the hospital Draco knew that he was always busy. It had been something that he, Harry and Ginny had talked about at length with the boys when the idea of a daughter had started becoming more than just a dream. They knew how much they both loved their jobs, and so had been adamant that after the first few months they return to work part-time. They worked out a schedule between them all so that Scorpius and Albus didn’t need to worry when they were at work, knowing that one of their daughter’s doting grandparents were spoiling her rotten. James and Lily helped too, and Draco knew that his son was so incredibly grateful to them all for helping him to have the family and job that he had always dreamt of.
“Everything okay?” he asked as he made his way over to Scorpius, knowing that a frown had probably made its way onto his face.
“I’m fine Dad,” Scorpius replied, batting Draco’s hand away as it reached out.
“You don’t look fine,” Draco scolded, his hands moving to his hips as he adopted what Albus called the ‘Malfoy pose’. He knew Scorpius did the same when he was annoyed.
“I’m just tired, it was a long day at the hospital yesterday - lost a patient, didn’t get much sleep,” Scorpius mumbled, his head ducking and inverting his gaze so that Draco couldn’t see the tears that he knew would be building up in his eyes.
Draco sighed, his heart breaking slightly. Scorpius had always known that working as a healer meant dealing with death as well as cures, but he was always affected by it. Losing Astoria had made Draco shrink away from death whereas Scorpius just became more determined to fight it.
Draco glanced over to Albus who was staring at Scorpius with a look of pain that Draco knew very well. It was a look that said I wish I could do more for you, I wish I could help you. They both tried, and Scorpius reiterated all the time that just having them there with him made things so much better, but there was something about watching someone you love in pain that never got easier.
Draco reached out and pulled his son into his arms. Scorpius was far from his little boy anymore, he was almost as tall as him now but that didn’t stop him from resting his head on his father’s shoulder and melting into the embrace.
Draco didn’t know how long they stood like that. Scorpius sniffled every so often, accompanying Aurora’s giggling like contrasting melodies of a song. Draco hoped that Scorpius would never grow out of needing his dad. Because Draco needed him, more than anything.
“You can’t save everyone,” Draco said reasonably.
Scorpius knew that, but it didn’t make it easier.
“I did everything I could,” Scorpius replied in agreement, although the ‘but it wasn’t enough’ was left unsaid.
He sometimes found it hard to talk to his dad and Albus about this. They understood what death was, they even understood the feeling of being convinced it was your own fault. But there was something completely and utterly different about not being able to physically save someone when it was your job, when everyone was counting on you. The hardest bit was telling the family, and yesterday Scorpius had been attacked with sharp shouts and threats and it was all he could do to keep it together until he had managed to huddle into a bathroom stall.
He would tell Albus, he told Albus everything. Even though sometimes he didn’t understand he would always provide the comfort he needed. But Scorpius knew if he told his dad that he wouldn’t rest until he had tracked down the witch or wizard that had hurt him. One thing that hadn’t changed since his years at Hogwarts was that Draco would always fight the people that made his son cry. He didn’t like keeping things from his dad, but he just knew how worried he would get and how the situation could be escalated. So it was best for everyone if he only ever shared it with his husband.
Aurora’s cry cut through Scorpius and he immediately jerked out of his father’s embrace, shuffling over and picking her up out of her high chair as Albus turned to the sink to clean up. She had yet to master the art of eating from the spoon, half of the food usually ended up on whoever was feeding her.
He bounced up and down with her pressed against his chest. There was something so instinctive about the way hearing your child cry made you feel. No matter what you were going through yourself they became your ultimate priority, and nothing was more important than stopping the tears.
But she wasn’t stopping. Scorpius danced with her whilst singing the soft song that he remembered his mum used to sing to him. It usually quietened Aurora down easily, but today it just made her wail louder. It wasn’t the first time that they had struggled to calm her down, it had taken months to become tuned to her cries and her demands. Even so there would still be times that they had no clue why she was crying, what she was wanting. And Scorpius was usually perfectly fine, he would roll his eyes at Albus who would become irritated rather quickly, and keep trying things until he found something that worked. But today was different. Her cries weren’t stopping but Scorpius was trying, he was trying so hard, but he couldn’t stop it, he couldn’t do anything, she was here in his arms and he couldn’t stop it.
Scorpius felt the panic overwhelm him. He felt tears start to build up in his eyes and his words became broken as he choked. On his sobs, on his fear, on Merlin knows what. But he was struggling to breathe.
He heard his dad’s voice but quiet and fractured, like it was coming from a great distance away. Someone gently took Aurora from his arms and then immediately he was wrapped in the warm embrace of his husband.
And he let go. He cried and sobbed and struggled for breath and grabbed on to Albus as though he would never let go and he forgot how to breathe and he was choking and he was dying and he couldn’t breathe… Then he felt Albus’s hands on his face. The familiarity of the gesture anchored him, and he let Albus pull his own hand up to rest over his chest. He was breathing deeply and Scorpius found comfort in the calmness and found his breath slowly coming back to normal. Albus’s fingers gently brushed away the tears that had fallen as Scorpius took in his surroundings. Albus was sat on the sofa with Scorpius sitting in his lap, though Scorpius didn’t remember moving from the kitchen. Now that he could breathe again and the tears had stopped Albus had moved his arms around his waist, holding on tightly.
“Aurora?” Scorpius asked, suddenly aware that their daughter was not in the room.
“She’s fine, your dad’s got her.”
“I’m so sorry,” Scorpius whispered, nuzzling his face into Albus’s shoulder.
“Don’t be stupid Scorp, you have nothing to apologize for,” he replied softly, tightening his grip.
“I could’ve hurt Aurora,” Scorpius whispered, feeling a pang of regret.
“She was never in any danger,” Albus responded, his strong and unwavering voice helping to ease Scorpius’s guilt and sadness.
“I’m not as strong as people think I am,” Scorpius said as he pulled back, looking straight into Albus’s eyes. He saw nothing but love in them. He never saw anything but love in them. No matter what they were arguing about or how long and exhausting their days had been or how late Scorpius would return home after a shift there was only ever love.
“Merlin Scorp, you are one of the strongest people I have ever known, and I don’t know how you can’t see it yourself,” Albus said softly, reaching out a hand to push Scorpius’s hair out of his face.
“I thought that we were better, that we’d fixed ourselves. But I’m still broken. I’m always going to be broken,” Scorpius replied bitterly. Since they had brought Aurora home there had been hardly any nightmares at all. Scorpius was so busy he hardly had time to think of the darkness and pain and torture and instead all his thoughts were focused on his baby, on his family. It had been a nice reprieve. He should have known it wouldn’t last. He should've known that world of panic would resurface.
“You listen to me, Scorpius Malfoy-Potter,” Albus said sternly, his voice taking on the tone of authority it often did when he was trying to get James’s kids to listen to him.
“You are not broken. You are whole and you are happy and you are smart and you are kind and you are allowed to have bad days. You built yourself back up from the shattered pieces, and you built me up too. You weaved us together and created something beautiful. You’re not broken, you’re human. And I’ll always be here for you Scorp. You never have to deal with anything alone.”
Scorpius was always overwhelmed by Albus’s ability to make him feel infinitely better, even after all this time. His husband was a wizard who could brew potions and conjure a patronus and heal creatures and apparate, but the real magic in him was his kindness. His affection and tenderness and devotion and understanding. Albus was his better half, the one he couldn’t live without. And as he cupped his face in his hands and pulled him in for a sweet kiss all he could think of was how lucky he was. These good moments didn’t counteract the bad, but they made it so his life was filled with more colour than grey.
Scorpius knew that later on that night once everyone had left and Aurora was asleep he would spill his worries and fears and cry all the tears that he needed to. And he knew that together there was nothing that they couldn’t overcome. It might take a while, sure. But Scorpius no longer felt like his pain and suffering would last forever, because he knew whatever negative feelings and thoughts that consumed him were only ephemeral. Because Albus would always pull him back to the light.
And maybe he was still a little broken, despite what Albus said. And maybe there would always be a part of him that he couldn’t really fit into who he wanted to be. But maybe he was strong as well. Maybe they didn’t have to be detached. Broken strength. He could be both at the same time and maybe that’s what he needed to understand. That he was living a life full of joy and happiness and laughter and smiles, despite what he had been through. The jeers and the insults, the rumours, the pain, the bullying, the tears, losing his mum and losing his way. Through everything he had remained kind. Kind to the soul, like his mum had told him to be. He was broken and strong and anxious and happy and proud and hurt and kind all at the same time. That was his strength.