Work Text:
Avengers Assemble Groupchat
3:01 PM
Iron Dad : we need to be at the tower on saturday on SECRET business
Iron Dad : looking at you pete
Peter-Man : I AM SO SORRY MR STARK
Peter-Man : I MEAN TONY
Peter-Man : I CAN’T COME ON SATURDAY
Iron Dad : stop texting in all caps kid, you’re giving me a headache
Peter-Man : Sorry!
Peter-Man : anyways MJ says she’ll murder me if I bail on her this weekend
Iron Dad : it’s fine, I’d rather not get on her bad side myself
Birdman : wait
Birdman : who’s MJ??
Iron Dad : the kid’s terrifying girlfriend
Capsicle : isn’t he a bit young to date?
Peter-Man : I’M 15
Peter-Man : besides aren’t you a bit OLD to date?
Uncle Rhodey : OH SHIT
Capsicle : LANGUAGE
Fellow Arachnid : Is she the one who threatened to kill tony once?
Fellow Arachnid : I liked her.
Peter-Man : That’s my girlfriend!!!!!!!
Not Green Arrow : Am I the only one who’s curious about how she looks like??
Gen Z Witch : I’m with clint on this one
Peter-Man : she says she’ll disembowel anyone who sends pictures of her
Not Green Arrow : Tony help us out here
Iron Dad : why would I have pics of her
Not Green Arrow : you have the kid’s aunt text you daily updates on the kid
Iron Dad : that’s fair
Iron Dad : but no, she knows where I live
Uncle Rhodey : I have pictures of the kid’s girlfriend
Uncle Rhodey : they’re cute together
Iron Dad : DON’T DO IT RHODEY
Uncle Rhodey : She doesn’t know where I live so
*Uncle Rhodey sent petes gf into the chat*
Fellow Arachnid : If you die its on you
God of Thunder : Friend Peter! I apologize that your girlfriend’s picture was sent unwillingly! But she is very pretty, congratulations to the two of you!
Peter-Man : Thanks Thor! I am giving her my phone tho so Rhodey, prepare to die
Uncle Rhodey : WAIT NO
Peter-Man : you have no idea what’s coming, Rhodes. -Michelle
5:32 PM
Iron Dad : Peter, did you hack into Jarvis???
Peter-Man : IT WAS MJ AND NED
Peter-Man : MJ wants to text again
Peter-Man : Rhodes, I know where you live now.
Peter-Man : I will get my revenge, and I will get it when you least expect.
Peter-Man : And the rest of you will live in fear, because I also have your addresses, and if you try to hide, I will find you.
Peter-Man : Except Nat, Tony and Thor, you guys are cool - Michelle
Uncle Rhodey : I regret everything.
God of Thunder : Thank you, Michelle! Perhaps we could meet in person, you seem to be someone who would get along with my friend Valkyrie.
Peter-Man : Sure I guess
Peter-Man : Peter has the nerdiest names for you guys btw
Peter-Man : speaking of, I gtg
Iron Dad : that means got to go, just informing the old men in the chat
Capsicle : where are they going?
Capsicle : they’re so young!!
White Wolf : you were never this uptight when we were kids, you know