Archive of Our Own ^beta

'Do you think we should kiss?'

Dean stopped in his tracks outside of Sam's room. He'd been on his way to make a midnight snack, but Sam's question made him freeze in place. The only other person in the bunker was Cas, but what the hell kind of weird question was that for Sam to be asking Cas?

'I suppose we probably should. It will be more believable if we're not awkward about it, so we should probably practice to make sure it looks natural,' Cas replied.

'What the hell?' Dean muttered to himself, all thoughts of food forgotten.

'The brochure says one of the workshops is on intimate touch,' Cas continued. 'What do you suppose that means?'

'Let me see.' Sam paused, presumably to read said brochure. 'OK, looks like it involves whatever level of nudity we're comfortable with and, um, caressing.'

'Should… should we practice that as well?'

Dean couldn't hold back any longer; the thought of Sam and Cas caressing with any amount of nudity was just too disturbing. He slammed the door open, causing the two of them to jump from where they had been sitting on Sam's bed. 'What the hell is going on in here?'

'Dean! I didn't know you were awake,' Sam said guiltily.

'I was just going to the kitchen for a sandwich when I heard you guys talking about kissing and… whatever. Are… are you guys…' He couldn't bring himself to say the words, and just waved his hand vaguely.

'Oh! No! God no!' Sam assured him. 'It's a case.'

'A kissing case?' Dean asked incredulously.

'Something is killing people at a couples' retreat,' Cas explained. 'Eileen contacted Sam about it and asked for our help.'

'Wait, what does Sam and Eileen going to a couples' retreat have to do with you two… caressing?'

Sam sighed. 'It's a gay couples' retreat, Dean.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'And were you gonna tell me about this before or after your intimate touching?' Dean said with a vehemence that surprised even him.

'Well, Cas and I just figured that you wouldn't want to be involved in this one.'

'Why not?'

Sam rolled his eyes. 'Dean, you nearly had a panic attack when you thought Aaron was flirting with you. Do you really think you'd be able to pretend to be Cas's boyfriend?'

'I didn't have a panic attack,' Dean protested, but he knew Sam had a point. He'd gotten way too flustered when Aaron had feigned interest, and the thought of acting like Cas's boyfriend- of standing close to him, touching him, maybe kissing him- yeah, no way could he pull that off while keeping his cool. 'So where is this case?'

'New Hampshire,' Cas replied. 'Lake Winnipesaukee.'

'Say that three times fast,' Dean said with a weak laugh, and cleared his throat dryly when he got no reaction. 'So when do we leave?'

'You want to come?' Sam asked incredulously.

'Well I'm not just gonna sit here with my thumb up my ass while you hunt something. I'll be back-up.'

'If you're sure,' Sam said with a shrug.

'When do you need to be there for the retreat?'

'Next Friday.'

'OK, so we got five days to do a two day drive. I say we leave tomorrow, make a road trip of it, maybe stop at Ben and Jerry's on the way, get a motel as close to the retreat place as possible, and then you guys go do your gay thing.'

'Yeah, OK,' Sam agreed. 'I've been wanting to try their new vegan flavours anyway.'

Dean shook his head with disappointment. 'Hippie. So, early start tomorrow, guess you'll have to postpone your little make-out session until we're in New Hampshire.'

Sam just rolled his eyes, and Cas quietly wished them both a good night before slipping out to go to his room. Dean just went back to bed, his previous hunger replaced by a nausea whose cause he didn't want to analyse too deeply. Unfortunately, analysing it was all his brain wanted to do; instead of sleeping, he spent the next hour trying to force images of Cas and Sam acting like a couple out of his mind, and the hour after that trying even harder to force images of Cas and himself acting like a couple out of his mind. Sexy fantasies during 'me time' were bad enough, but now came images of casual touches, a hand to the small of the back, a soft kiss on the neck in passing, sleepy morning cuddles in bed… Dean groaned as he covered his face with the pillow, and half wondered if it would be possible to smother himself to escape the misery of his thoughts.

It wasn't that the thoughts were unpleasant- far from it. It was the crushing realisation that they would never be more than thoughts that always ruined everything. Even if Dean were worthy of being with a freakin' Angel of the Lord (which he wasn't), and even if by some miracle Cas did feel the same way about him (which he couldn't possibly), it's not like their lives allowed them to have normal, happy relationships with cuddling and breakfast in bed and driving out to some secluded spot in Baby and using her backseat as nature intended. That didn't stop him from feeling physically ill at the thought of Cas with anyone else, and especially Sam. Just… eww.

Dean did eventually manage to get his four hours, but he was the last one up and needed an extra cup of coffee before he was ready to head out. They found a motel for the night in some easily-forgotten town in Indiana, and pushed on the next day almost to Burlington, stopping before the only accommodation to be found was cute B&Bs that they couldn't afford. On the third day they actually did the Ben & Jerry's tour, though Dean scoffed at Sam's choice of some vegan flavour and Cas's preference for Chunky Monkey when there was Phish Food to be had. It was a bright, warm day, and as they sat on a picnic bench eating their cones, for a moment Dean let himself imagine that they were just three regular guys on a regular road trip, having some ice cream in the sun.

The last day before they had to check in to the couples' retreat, they got settled into a rental cabin as close to the site as possible. They went over the research, a plan of attack, and Cas and Sam's fake backstory as a couple. The next morning, Dean insisted on driving them over and even walking to the check-in desk with the excuse that three sets of eyes were better than two for noticing anything weird.

'Hello,' Cas said to the desk clerk, 'I'm Castiel Winchester, checking in with my husband-'

'That's me,' Dean found himself saying as he stepped forward and put his arm over Cas's shoulders. 'Dean Winchester.'

The desk clerk frowned. 'I've got it listed here as Castiel and Sam Winchester.'

'Oh, there must have been a mix-up; Sam's my brother, he signed us up and the computer must have put his name in by mistake. Right, Sammy?'

'Uh… yeah, that must be what happened,' Sam said, trying to hide his confusion.

'Well, it's easily fixed,' the clerk said cheerfully. 'I'll just change the file… and done!' she said after a bit of typing. 'Welcome to Healing Hearts Couples' Retreat Mr and Mr Winchester!'

'Thank you,' Dean replied with a smile, taking the information packet from her. 'Which way to our room?' They got directions and headed back to the parking lot to get their bags out of the Impala.

'Dean, what the hell?' Sam whispered angrily.

'What?'

'Dean, Sam and I had a carefully prepared story for how we became a couple. Now we'll need to start over,' Cas complained.

'What's the big deal? We can just use the same one.'

Sam and Cas traded exasperated looks. 'We met at the farmer's market when we both went for the same bunch of kale,' Sam explained. 'I really don't think you can pull off the right level of enthusiasm for that.'

'Oh my god, you guys are so weird. Fine, we'll change it to pie instead of kale, problem solved. Freaks. Come on, let's just get our stuff and go to the room, and then we can come up with our new story.' He tossed Cas the keys, and the angel opened up the trunk to get their duffel bags. Sam pulled Dean aside.

'Seriously Dean, what's up with this sudden change of plan?'

'I just didn't think you could pull off being fake-married to Cas, that's all. We don't want the thing to get suspicious.'

'And what makes you think you'll be any better at it?'

'Well, you know, we have that profound bond thing or whatever, it just… shut up, it's just more believable, OK?'

Sam gave him a funny look as he considered that response, and then just rolled his eyes and shrugged. 'Fine, whatever. Just try not to jump a mile in the air when they make him give you a half-naked back massage in front of a dozen other couples, it might give the game away.'

Dean swallowed hard; truth be told, he hadn't really thought this through. Something fritzed in his brain when he heard Castiel Winchester and husband, and he just couldn't let Sam be the one to take that title. But now it was sinking in- couples' retreat, intimate touch, kissing- and he was pretty damn sure that their room would only have one bed. Son of a bitch.

'Are you all right, Dean? You seem a bit pale,' Cas asked, concerned.

'Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Come on, let's go to the room. We'll call you later, Sam.'

Once the Impala had pulled away, Cas handed Dean his bag and put a hand to the small of his back as another couple walked by smiling. 'Come on honey, let's get settled in.'

Dean didn't jump a mile in the air, despite the rush of heat up his back from Cas's hand, and the rush of heat somewhere else at the endearment. If there was ever a time to just live the fantasy, this was it. He pulled Cas close with an arm around the shoulders and planted a kiss on his temple. 'You got it, sweetheart.'

Cas's arm slid further around his waist, and Cas leaned his head on Dean's shoulder. The position made them walk more slowly, but as Dean was in no hurry to pull away, he didn't mind at all. They passed other couples and retreat staff, and Dean knew he should be scanning for any hints that one of them was the creature they were after, but his mind wasn't really on the hunt. It was focussed almost entirely on the feeling of Cas pressed against his side, of Cas's hand on his waist with the thumb gently skimming up and down, and of his own hand doing the same on Cas's shoulder. It was far too distracting, and he knew he'd need to be careful not to let things get too out of hand.

The room, as suspected, had one bed, although it was a large four-poster that could probably have fit all of three of them. Dean forced down the images that came unbidden of Cas tied to those posts and tossed their bags onto the bed.

'So what's first on the gay love agenda?' he asked with as flippant a tone as he could manage.

'There's a get-to-know-you lunch in half an hour,' Cas replied, reading from the information pack, 'featuring icebreakers and trust-building exercises.'

'Oh man,' Dean groaned, 'that kind of crap is always so awkward.'

'You didn't have to come, Dean,' Cas grumbled. 'Sam and I had everything planned, and he didn't mind the activities we'll have to do.'

'It's fine, I can do it. I've convinced people I'm a federal agent more times than I can count, I can fake being the kind of guy who likes doing icebreakers.' He flopped down on the bed, which was surprisingly comfortable. 'So, let's get our story straight then. We met at the farmer's market and went for the same pie. What then?'

'The original story was that I offered to share the kale with Sam by making him dinner, so I suppose we could do the same with the pie.'

'OK. Then what?'

'We went on a few dates, decided to start a relationship, moved in together a year later, got engaged a year after that, and got married a year after that.'

'So we've been together three years?'

'Yes.'

'Who proposed? I think I proposed. Nice and romantic, by a lake or somethin' I bet.'

'At the farmer's market where we met, actually,' Cas said with a soft smile.

'Ooh, yeah, I got the baker to put the ring in a pie. Cute, right?' Dean grinned and bounced his eyebrows.

'That does sound nicer than the ring around some kale,' Cas admitted with a chuckle.

'Tell me about the wedding.'

'We eloped to Hawaii. We invited you but you were too scared to fly out there,' Cas smirked.

Dean rolled his eyes. 'Well we're changin' that. Vegas, Elvis chapel, boom.'

Cas sat on the other side of the bed and gave Dean an amused look. 'Why would I agree to that?'

'Come on, you love Elvis,' Dean argued.

'OK, but skinny Elvis, not fat Elvis.'

'Anything for you, baby,' Dean winked. 'So what kind of retreat is this anyway? Second honeymoon kinda thing?'

'Um, no,' Cas said, looking uncomfortable. 'It's called Healing Hearts. It's for couples having problems in their relationship.'

'Problems? What kind of problems?' Dean realised he sounded a bit too offended by the thought of their fake marital difficulties, and gave a little embarrassed cough.

'We've grown apart due to our busy schedules and are struggling to reconnect.'

'That sound pretty shitty. You wanna stick with that?'

'Perhaps we have difficulty communicating?' Cas suggested with a raised eyebrow.

Dean cleared his throat. 'Uh, yeah, sure, that works. OK, anything else I need to know?'

'Um… I suppose you should have a look at the schedule of activities,' Cas said with a blush, handing the papers to Dean.

'Meals, group sessions, couples' therapy, intimate touch- oh. Yeah, that. Did, uh… did you and Sam ever, uh, practice any of that?'

'No, we never got around to it. We were going to do that once we'd checked in.'

'So do you think we should…'

'I suppose it would be a good idea to get used to… showing affection,' Cas said carefully, a blush creeping into his cheeks.

'Yeah, right,' Dean agreed, rubbing the back of his equally-pink neck awkwardly. 'So, uh, let's do this I guess.' He stood up and held his arms out, curling his fingers into a come-here gesture and bracing himself. Cas approached cautiously, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist self-consciously. They stood in an awkward hug for a few moments before Dean grew frustrated. 'Oh for… just…' He pulled back a few inches and cupped Cas's jaw with his hand. With a hard swallow, he leaned in, slowly approaching Cas's face, licking his dry lips in preparation for-

A loud knock on the door made them startle and jump apart. 'Mr and Mr Winchester, lunch is in five minutes, please make your way to the dining room!' came a voice from the other side of the door.

'Uh, yeah, thanks, we'll be right there,' Dean called out before turning back to Cas. 'I guess we should go down,' he said, and took a few steps back.

'Yes. Let's go down.' Cas hurried to the door and held it open for Dean. They walked down to the dining room, where several couples were already sitting and a few others were trickling in. There were two seats labelled Winchester, so they sat down; another couple joined them at the table, and one of them extended a hand to Dean and then Cas.

'Hi there! Name's Dave, this is my partner Jake.' The other man nodded at them. 'Nice to meet you.'

'I'm Dean, this handsome devil is my husband, Cas,' Dean reciprocated, patting Cas's knee. 'What brings you guys here?'

'Dean,' Cas scolded, 'That's a very personal question.'

Jake looked like he agreed, but Dave didn't seem to mind. 'Hell, we're all gonna have to tell our stories anyway, right? I've had some problems with the old bottle, you know, and Jake here's had to put up with a lot of crap from me. I'm doing better, but we need to work on getting' the old mojo back, know what I'm sayin'?' Jake looked uncomfortable, but he stroked a hand down Dave's back, eliciting a smile from his partner. 'So what are you in for?'

'Dean is emotionally constipated and I'm deeply insecure, leading to problems communicating our feelings and creating distance between us,' Cas answered matter-of-factly.

Dean pursed his lips unhappily. 'Don't sugarcoat it, babe,' he snarked.

'Emotionally constipated, huh?' Jake asked knowingly. 'I know how that can be.'

'I'm not… that's…'

'When's the last time you told Cas you love him?' Jake asked, and Dave raised his eyebrows in challenge.

'What?' Dean laughed awkwardly. 'I do that all the time.'

'I don't even remember,' Cas said at the same time, and got another grumpy glance from Dean.

Jake and Dave shook their heads as a knowing look passed between them. 'You gotta express your feelings, man. Your husband should know you love him.'

'I mean… he knows. I don't need to say it all the time. He knows. You know how I feel about you, right, Cas?' he said uncomfortably.

'I don't know, Dean,' Cas said quietly, not meeting his eyes. He looked so genuinely hurt that Dean was taken aback.

'Cas, hey…' he began, but was interrupted by the group leader clapping for their attention.

'Hello everyone!' said the perky middle-aged woman. 'Welcome to Healing Hearts! I'm June, and I'll be your healing facilitator. Now, the lunch buffet will be served shortly, and then we'll do some icebreakers and trust-building exercises to get to know each other. It's important that we all build a trusting atmosphere so everyone is able to share their feelings in our group sessions. After lunch, we'll start with the first couples' sessions with our head therapist. We'll go in reverse alphabetical order, so the Winchesters will go first, and then we'll come get the rest of you from the rec room as your turns come up. Now let's have some fun!'

Cas and Dean submitted to the activities, Cas somewhat more enthusiastically than Dean, who was still shaken by Cas's earlier reaction. He was still subdued during their first therapy session, which fortunately was primarily for introductions and setting out a plan for the rest of their sessions. Cas repeated what he'd told Dave and Jake, and Dean just mumbled his agreement. The therapist explained the various exercises they would need to do, and Dean was determined to solve the case before they had to do any of that crap.

'OK guys, that's about it,' the therapist, Laura, said cheerfully.

'Great!' Dean replied, getting to his feet. 'We'll just-'

'One more thing before I let you go.' Dean sat back down with a weak smile. 'There are going to be some difficult moments over the next few days, and there will likely be anger and pain as you face your problems. It's essential that we always reaffirm the most important thing here: the love you have for each other. So to wrap up the session, I want you to look each other in the eye and say it.'

'Say it?' Dean squeaked.

'Yes, Dean. Tell Cas that you love him, and Cas, you tell Dean that you love him.'

'Right. We'll do that.' He turned on the couch to face Cas, who looked almost as nervous as Dean felt. 'Um. Cas.'

'Why don't you hold hands? It can help to have a grounding touch,' Laura suggested.

Dean took Cas's hands, and found them as clammy and trembling as his own. He squeezed them and met Cas's eyes. 'Cas. I… I love you.' He could feel that he was blushing, and the colour was mirrored in Cas's cheeks.

'I love you too, Dean,' Cas said softly. Dean's heart raced at hearing those words from him, even knowing that it was all just an act. This case was going to kill him.

'Lovely. Now kiss.'

'Sorry, what?'

'Physical affection is also important for affirming your bond. Neither of you listed yourselves as asexual or sex-repulsed, so I assume you have a physical relationship?'

'Yeah, yeah, of course!' Dean replied. 'Super physical. Really… really hot stuff. Lots of gay sex going on.' He cringed at his over the top reply, but Laura just smiled.

'Great. So a simple kiss won't be a problem.'

'Course not. No problem, right Cas?'

'Of course, Dean,' Cas agreed, but he was still blushing furiously.

'OK. Let's do it.' He cupped Cas's cheek as he had when they'd been in their bedroom, but this time there was no interruption. Their lips met, and Dean suddenly felt like he was on fire. Cas's lips were surprisingly soft despite their constantly-chapped appearance, and a little sigh escaped them as Dean pressed closer. He knew he should stop; this wasn't real, and he was taking advantage of Cas, taking advantage of this opportunity to kiss Cas without having to reveal his real desires. But he just couldn't make himself stop. The kiss softened, opened up, and now there were tongues, and if Dean thought he was on fire before, it was just an ember compared to the conflagration now.

And Cas… fuck, Cas was responding, kissing back like he was really into it, like he wanted nothing more than to be kissing Dean. Hell, why not let himself indulge a bit? Dean used his other arm to pull Cas close and give him the full Dean Winchester Kissing Experience. He was just starting to think that things were maybe getting a little too hot and heavy for what Laura had in mind when he heard her clearing her throat. Slowly and extremely reluctantly, he wound things down and finally pulled away from Cas, who looked rather dazed.

'Well, I guess physical chemistry isn't a problem,' she said with a smirk. 'It's really nice to see a couple so clearly in love. Sometimes couples leave it a bit too late to come to us, waiting until the flame has all but gone out, but I can tell that isn't a problem with you two.' She closed her notebook and stood up. 'Now get out of here. You're free until dinner, I'm sure you'll find some way to pass the time.' She winked and opened the door.

'Thank you, Laura,' Cas said with his usual serious tone. 'We'll see you tomorrow.'

They walked back to their room in silence, the tension palpable between them. Now that the moment had passed and the need had cooled down to its usual low throb, Dean felt self-conscious and downright scared. Cas had seemed into it, but what if it had just been the moment? It's not like Cas had a lot of experience in the romance department, and Dean was a damn good kisser. It didn't mean Cas was actually into kissing him specifically. God, he probably didn't even want to kiss Dean; he'd been planning on doing this case with Sam, and not only had Dean selfishly inserted himself into the case, but he'd gone and forced himself on Cas with a lack of self-control that shocked him.

He unlocked the door to their room and let Cas go in first, then closed the door behind him before taking a deep breath to prepare for his apology. 'Listen, Cas…'

He was stopped by Cas slamming him against the door and kissing him with twice the fervour that Dean had put into his. 'Dean,' he huffed when he finally pulled back to let Dean breathe, 'tell me you want this.'

'Hell yeah,' Dean managed to sigh, and Cas moaned softly.

'Tell me I wasn't imagining it when you kissed me before.'

'You weren't. Fuck, Cas, you weren't imagining it.' Dean grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for another deep kiss.

'Dean,' Cas whispered when Dean next stopped for breath, leaning his forehead against Dean's. 'Why did you come here instead of Sam?'

'Couldn't stand the thought of Sam doing this,' Dean admitted, Cas's kisses acting like some kind of truth serum. 'It was drivin' me crazy thinking about it.'

'It would have been… awkward for me as well. I see Sam as a brother.'

Dean planted little kisses around Cas's face. 'And me?'

'Not like a brother,' Cas growled, claiming Dean's lips again.

Dean began pushing Cas away from the door and towards the bed. 'How will we pass the time between now and dinner?' he asked between kisses.

'I'm sure we'll think of something.'

**********

Dean's phone rang a couple of times while he was otherwise engaged, but once his breathing had gotten back to normal and Cas was safely tucked in against his chest, he checked it to find the missed calls were from Sam. He called back and put it on speaker.

'Hey Dean, everything OK?'

'Yeah Sammy, sorry, me and Cas were busy with, uh, couple stuff,' he said with a smirk and a wink at Cas, who gave him a wide smile in return. 'What's up?'

'I think I've figured out what's killing people,' Sam replied. 'The former owner of the retreat site was an early twentieth century revivalist preacher called Jedediah Osterman. He was pretty vocal in his hatred of any kind of sin and vice, and especially what he liked to call the sins of Sodom.'

'That's why the gay couples are his targets.'

'Yeah. Except it's a little more complicated than that. He was murdered in his house, which stood where the main hotel building is now- by his secret male lover, in a fit of jealous rage.'

'Religious hypocrite, what else is new?' Dean muttered. 'OK, so what's the plan?'

'You guys hang tight there. I'm actually just pulling up to his grave now, I'll deal with the bones. Just keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't attack anyone else.'

'Does he have any particular triggers for his attacks?' Cas asked.

'Oh, hey Cas. Yeah, all the couples he attacked before were, uh, being intimate immediately before he turned up.'

Cas and Dean exchanged a worried look just in time to see their breath fog up with the sudden drop in temperature. A figured in old-fashioned clothing appeared at the foot of the bed, pointing at the two of them and looking mightily pissed off. 'Ah crap,' Dean said. 'Sammy, can you hurry up with the bones there? We've got eyes on Osterman.' He dropped the phone onto the bed and reached to the floor next to it where he'd put a crowbar and shotgun with rock salt shells. Tossing Cas the bar, he took a shot at the spirit, who dissipated.

'Wait, he's appeared to you and Cas? Why would- oh my god, Dean, did you and Cas-'

'This isn't really the time, Sammy!' Dean shouted as Cas swung the crowbar through the next manifestation.

'Fine, but we're talking about it later!' Sam said. 'I'm going to start digging, hang in there!'

The call disconnected, and Dean and Cas spent the next half hour defending themselves against the increasingly angrier ghost. Finally, the spectre writhed as it went up in flames, and moments later, Dean's phone rang.

'Nice work Sam, he's gone. How'd you do it so quick?'

'It was a shallow grave, he didn't get a proper burial because of the circumstances around his death,' Sam explained breathlessly. 'So… you and Cas? How long has that been going on?'

'Dude, are you standing next to a still burning corpse asking me about my love life?'

'So you admit that you have a love life?'

Dean rolled his eyes. 'Look, maybe being here brought some things to light, OK? Happy?'

'Come on, Dean, a little more detail than that would be nice.'

'You wanna know who put what where? Perv.'

'Ew, Dean, no. I just mean, how did you guys figure it out?'

'We had to kiss at couples' therapy,' Cas explained, 'and it was… a revelation.'

'Aww, that's sweet.'

'Yeah, we're just a walking chick flick,' Dean agreed sarcastically. 'We done here?'

'Yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna go back to the cabin for a shower, and then I'll come pick you guys up.'

'Uh, actually Sammy, I think me and Cas'll stay for the rest of the retreat.' Cas looked at him quizzically, head tilting and brow furrowing in that adorable way of his, and Dean couldn't resist kissing away the lines on his forehead. 'I think it'll be good for us. I've been looking forward to that intimate touch thing.' He waggled his eyebrows at Cas, who gave a predatory look in return and climbed back into the bed invitingly.

'Are you serious? What I am supposed to do for-'

'Yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back later, Sammy,' Dean interrupted him. 'Much later. Bye.' He cut off the call and switched the phone off, tossing it aside before climbing back into the bed and trapping Cas underneath him. 'So… where were we?'