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Aomine stared blankly up at the ceiling, his hands folded behind his head. His phone kept buzzing incessantly on his nightstand, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at it. He was getting lost in his own head and he knew it, but he wanted to figure this out.
Ever since Satsuki had started going out with Kuroko, Aomine felt some kind of… hole… in his chest. He couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out what it was. It wasn’t jealousy, he was happy for the two of them. After all, two of his closest friends getting together? Who wouldn’t be happy?
Unless…
He turned on his side. Did he have a crush on Satsuki?
No. No way that would ever happen. She was just the bratty girl he’d grown up with and she was more like a sister than anything else.
He’d accidentally made her afraid of frogs, after all.
He smiled at the memory and sighed. Whoever was texting him was completely blowing up his phone, and it was getting obnoxious.
When he finally looked at it, it was a series of texts from two people: Satsuki and that moron, Kagami, for some reason.
He opened Kagami’s messages first.
‘You up?’
‘You wanna play a game right now?’
‘I know it’s kinda late, but I’m restless and need to blow off some steam.’
‘And you’re not too bad.’
‘If you’re not awake, that’s fine, I’ll just be shooting hoops by myself.’
‘Talk to you later, I guess.’
Satsuki had sent him multitudes of messages, so he decided to leave those alone for now. He didn’t really want to talk to her. He needed to clear his head, if he was being honest.
‘Yo, you still out shooting baskets? I’m guessing you’re probably at the regular place, so I’m coming.’
He threw on some shoes and a hoodie and headed out into the cool night after grabbing a ball. If Kagami wasn’t there, it’d be fine, but he kinda hoped he was. It’d be a good distraction from… whatever was going on in his head right now.
When he got to their usual battle grounds, Kagami was there, despite the fact that it was nearly midnight. Aomine chuckled, “What a moron. Who plays basketball by himself at this hour?”
He blinked at himself for being such a hypocrite and shrugged, ditching the hoodie and ball on the edge of the court.
He watched Kagami for a few moments, just… admiring. They were eerily similar, and maybe that’s why Aomine was so enraptured.
Kagami turned around after a little while, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face.
Aomine’s breath caught in his throat as he saw Kagami’s abs revealed. God, that man had a nice body.
Aomine shook his head and told himself to get his head out of the gutter and walked over to his rival.
“Yo,” he waved.
Kagami let out a screech, jumping a mile in the air. “Jesus Christ, you bastard, don’t scare me like that!!!” he shoved Aomine’s shoulder.
“I texted you I’d be comin,” Aomine shrugged, not even trying to hide his smirk.
“God…” Kagami rolled his eyes, taking a swig from his water bottle.
“How long ya been out here?” Aomine asked, looking up at the sky.
It was a full moon, providing enough light to see even without the aid of the flickering streetlamps.
“I dunno, an hour at least,” Kagami looked at his phone. “Why’d you suddenly decide to come? I was just about to leave.”
Aomine bit his lip. He didn’t want to reveal his innermost thoughts to anyone, especially Kagami, who would probably just laugh in his face and call him stupid.
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. How about we just have a one-on-one. You and me, no holds barred.”
“What does the winner get?” Kagami asked, his eyes lighting up at the prospect.
“I’ll get the same thing I always do when I win,” Aomine laughed.
“You’re not gonna win this time, you bastard!”
Of course, Aomine won, but Kagami gave him a run for his money like he always did. He’d even been trying to get Aomine’s formless shot in his repertoire, but he hadn’t quite gotten a handle on it yet.
Aomine sat on a bench on the side of the court while Kagami lay on the court itself, drenched in sweat. If it had been their first year of high school, Aomine would’ve been gloating in his face, but this was college, and they were adults.
“Well, guess you owe me dinner some time, Kagami,” Aomine said, getting up from the bench.
“Wait, you’re leaving already?” Kagami flopped over and looked at Aomine.
“Yeah, unless you wanna get your ass beaten again?”
“No, it’s just… Nah, never mind.”
“Ok, whatever,” Aomine shrugged, grabbing his hoodie and ball from the edge of the court. “See ya.”
As he walked back to his apartment, he checked his phone and saw even more messages from Satsuki, which was honestly just absurd. Before he could put his phone back in his pocket, it rang with a call. From none other than Satsuki.
“God…” Aomine sighed, answering it. “What, Satsuki?”
“You’re so mean, Dai-chan! You wouldn’t answer any of my texts!!!” He could hear her pout through the phone.
“What do you want me to do, Satsuki?” he rolled his eyes. Really, she was so dramatic sometimes.
“I want you to answer my texts when I text you! You don’t have anything better to do with your time, do you?!”
“Actually I do, Satsuki, as a matter of fact. I have enough on my plate without having to listen to you bragging about dating Tetsu all the fucking time! I get that you’re in love but I’m over it, Satsuki, I don’t care!”
Maybe because he hadn’t gotten rid of enough energy in the game with Kagami, but his mouth ran away with his thoughts. He hadn’t meant to tell her all that, he was just… well, he was pissed. He didn’t need to hear every single detail about her relationship. And she just shared everything with him without him asking.
“Sorry, Dai-chan…” she said quietly. “I…”
“Whatever. Later.”
Aomine hung up, not wanting to deal with it anymore.
When he got home, he took a long shower and climbed into bed. It was long past two AM, after all, and he should at least get some sleep. He didn’t have any classes, since it was Saturday, but…
The night brought on thoughts. Thoughts that he didn’t want to think about.
He stared up at the ceiling again and sighed. He was happy for Satsuki and Tetsu, really, he was. But there was just… They were his two best friends. And now that they started dating, it was like… like they’d found someone more important to them than he was, and it was very isolating.
He didn’t understand why he felt this way, like, really, he shouldn’t be concerned about it. He had his teammates, he had Kagami, for crying out loud. Not that they were a couple (the thought made him shudder), but he was fun to mess around with.
And he was hot. There was no denying that, no matter how he looked at it. Kagami was attractive, and the way his sweat dripped down his face when they were playing the one-on-one that night… Aomine would be lying if he said it wasn’t sexy.
He rolled over onto his stomach, wondering what the hell was going on with him. He didn’t have time to question his sexuality right now! Well, not that he’d really considered it a thing he should question. But thinking about Kagami was getting him all hot and bothered, but at the same time, just thinking that they should date made his skin crawl.
Well, he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon and he didn’t have anything better to do, so… why not?
He grabbed his laptop and switched it on, sighing as he waited for it to boot up. Why was he doing this now? There wasn’t a point, really, was there?
He sighed, wondering if maybe he figured out that he wasn’t straight (like that was a mystery, he very much knew he was not) something would click inside of him or something. He opened up his internet browser and stared at the blinking cursor for a few seconds, unsure of what to type.
He knew he wasn’t straight, so maybe he should start with searching something like… “opposite of straight”?
That wielded no good results, but there was a link about being bi and/or gay. That sounded promising, so he searched, “bisexual”, but for some reason it made him feel… out of place. Like that label didn’t fit him for some reason.
As he scrolled, something caught his eye. “Romantic attraction.”
What?
Was… was there a difference between romantic and sexual attraction?!
He quickly looked it up and was astounded to find that they were, indeed, different. He’d felt sexual attraction, definitely, to a lot of different people. But whenever he considered going out with them, as a boyfriend, he always felt like there was something off about it.
He’d always heard his teammates talk about their romantic partners, and a part of him felt like he was missing out, but the bigger part of him felt like they shouldn’t be discussing that kind of thing around him. He didn’t like to hear about it. Sex was a completely different thing, he couldn’t care less about that. In fact, he wouldn’t mind discussing his bedroom activities with his teammates.
But relationships? Count him out.
He bit his lip and slowly typed in the words, “lack of romantic attraction.”
The first thing that came up nearly knocked the wind out of him.
“Aromantic,” he whispered the word to himself.
There were… there were other people like him! There were people who had never wanted relationships, and never felt the need for them. There were people who were as tired of hearing about their friends’ relationships as he was!
He put his hand over his mouth in astonishment, trying to hold back the flood of emotions he felt.
He wasn’t alone.
He wasn’t broken.
“I’m aromantic!!!” he shouted gleefully.
He had to tell someone!!!
The first person that came to mind was Satsuki, but he’d fucked up with her not even an hour ago. Plus, it was the middle of the night, so why the hell would she be up at this ungodly hour?
But… he wanted to tell her. He’d discovered that romance repulsion was a thing, too, and he wanted to let her know about it. He wanted to tell her that he was truly happy for her and Tetsu, but honestly he hated hearing about it.
He shakily pressed her contact and held the phone up to his ear, still staring at his computer screen. He was still just… in awe that he wasn’t broken.
“Dai-chan?” Satsuki answered after two rings.
“Satsuki! I’m sorry about what I said before!” he apologized immediately. “I just… I found out somethin and I wanted you to be the first to know.”
“If this has anything to do with your personal hygiene or body, I’m hanging up right now,” she said flatly.
“No! It’s… I… I just wanted to tell you that… I’m aromantic,” he bit his lip.
She was silent for a few seconds, and Aomine’s heart beat out of his chest. What if she said it was a phase? What if she hated him over this?!
“What… does that mean, exactly?” she asked.
“Well, y’know how I’m always complaining about how you’re talkin’ about you and Tetsu all the time? I found out it’s because I’m aromantic and romance repulsed! I just… I don’t like hearin about it, and that’s why…” he spat out words excitedly before reigning it back in. He didn’t get excited like this very easily, and he wondered if it was freaking Satsuki out.
“Oooohh, well… that explains a lot about you, actually” Satsuki said.
“You think?”
“I mean, you always dodged the question when I asked you who you would marry if you could marry anyone in the world. But whenever your buddies asked who you’d have sex with, you always had a different answer.”
“That’s true…” he nodded thoughtfully.
“Well, I’m happy for you, Dai-chan. And… I’ll try not to talk about me and Tetsu-kun so much. I didn’t realize you hated it.”
“I kept tellin you that I didn’t like hearin about it,” he rolled his eyes.
“You’re right, and I’m sorry. A good friend would’ve stopped telling you about it. But I guess I just thought it was because you were jealous, so I wanted to push your buttons a little bit.”
He snorted. “As if.”
“Yeah, I understand why now,” she laughed. “I’m glad you figured something out about yourself, Dai-chan. It also makes sense why you never tried to make a move on me.”
“What, did you want me to?”
“Once upon a time I did. But it doesn’t matter now. We’re better as friends, anyway.”
“Damn right we are.”
They were both silent for a few moments and then Aomine spoke up again. “I’m glad you’re the first one I thought of, Satsuki. You’re a good friend.”
“You’re turning into a sap, Dai-chan,” she giggled. “But I am really happy that I’m the first one you thought of.”
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Ok, good night.”
They hung up and Aomine felt like a weight was lifted off his chest. He was aromantic. Nothing was wrong with him, in fact there were other people just like him. He’d probably have a harder time trying to find someone who would just hook up with him, but… that was another problem for another time.
For right now, he was just happy to find out that he wasn’t alone in this feeling. That others were just as disgusted as he with romance.
Finally he felt like he wasn’t broken, like he wasn’t alone in this, and he was going to get fully invested in this, because he’d spent long enough in the dark. He deserved better than feeling abnormal, and by god, he was going to get it.