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the first time a petal had come up from jaemin's throat was when he was after jeno had told him that he was going to ask out of the female trainee named yeonwoo.
unbeknownst to jeno, jaemin had been crushing on jeno for the last 4 years, it wasn't anything serious, and in a world where you could die from the hanahaki disease people didn't take love as a joke.
jaemin smiled at him half of it was fake, half of it was genuine because no matter how much he liked jeno, jeno's happiness was also his priority.
so when jaemin coughed up a white camelia petal, which represented secret love, jaemin was scared out of his mind rubbing the petal between his finger tips.
it was pretty easy to hide when he coughed up petals in front of members, he'd grasp it in his hand and wrap it in a tissue to throw away, no one needed to know.
it was fine for the first two weeks, he only coughed them up once every three days in the beginning until it was every day, by the end of the third week his members were concerned.
"jaemin, are you ok, you've been coughing a lot for the past couple of weeks." it was taeyong who asked.
most of the members were sat in the living room doing nothing, sicheng and yuta in their room and chenle and jisung off being idiots.
jaemin looked like a deer caught in headlights, and everyone was awaiting his answer even jeno who was sat in front of him on the floor.
nervously jaemin answered, "yeah i'm fine."
jeno narrowed his eyes at him and jaemin smiled at him putting his hands in his hair to play with it out of nervousness.
jaemin knew what happened to people who got the hanahaki disease when they don't get treated, the person they love don't eventually love them back or they don't stop their romatic feelings.
that same day, jaemin was in the bathroom when he suddenly couldn't breathe, he coughed and coughed until the head of a white gardenia flower, including a little bit of the stem, fell into his hands.
jaemin was horrified his eyes welling up in tears it was getting worse, god he was such a mess.
when jaemin headed back to his room after sitting in the bathroom for what felt like hours, jeno was there waiting for him.
jeno didn't say anything just got into the bed and jaemin followed, jeno was a good cuddler he was warm and soft, no wonder jaemin fell in love with him.
"you know i love you and you're my best friend right?" jeno whispered face buried in jaemin's hair.
jaemin softly cringed at the words best friend, but he nodded regardless.
"and since we tell each other everything i have something to tell you."
jaemin felt guilty at that, yes they did tell each other except that jaemin was in love with him.
"so i wanted you to be the first to know, me and yeonwoo are going to try and be a couple."
jaemin's heart broke, he felt nauseous like he was going to throw up, what had he done in his past life to deserve,
"congratulations..." jaemin said after a while.
jeno pulled his face from out of jaemin's hair to look at him, his smile made jaemin's heart flutter.
"i'm glad i got your approval, i don't know what i'd do if you said you didn't like it."
i don't, jaemin thought.
—
waking up he felt the heads of two flowers in his throat and his eyes opened wide as he peeled himself from jeno and walked quickly to the bathroom before throwing up the flowers in the toilet, it hurt more than before.
jaemin wondered if he was really gonna die in the end, he didn't think he wanted to get treated and never feel again so he kept quiet.
the first people to find out about jaemin having the hanahaki disease were mark and taeyong, who had been talking to him before he felt the heads of flowers in his throat.
he had raced to the bathroom to throw them up and taeyong was right behind him, telling him it would be ok as he threw up.
mark was right beside him but not saying anything, he just seemed sad for his friend.
when jaemin was finished he was slumped against the wall, it was getting so much harder to do this, there was blood stained on the 4 flowers in the toilet and the blood was mixing with the water making it pink, jaemin was a single hair away from breaking down into tears.
taeyong pulling him into a warm embrace and that did it for him, the tear dam breaking and suddenly he was sobbing into his chest, taeyong whispering things like, "i know baby, let it all out." and "it's ok, it's ok, you'll be ok."
mark was petting his hair and wiping his tears as they fell down his face.
—
taeyong excused mark, jaemin and himself from practice, puzzling all the other members, unaware of the turmoil jaemin was currently going through as they walked out of the room, he could see jeno staring at him his gaze concerned and it made jaemin hide his face in mark's shoulder who had his arm around him.
mark had lead them to taeyong's room and sat him on the bed, taeyong went to fetch a cold cloth because jaemin was burning up and sweating.
as they took care of him taeyong was first to say something, "i knew something was wrong why didn't you tell me, i'm such a terrible leader." taeyong said shaking his head as he dab away at jaemin's forehead.
"don't blame yourself, please, i kept it a secret because i was embarrassed, embarrassed because i let myself fall for someone who doesn't love me." jaemin said quietly.
"who is it?" mark inquired looking at him with soft eyes.
jaemin shied away not answering.
"jeno." mark said, he had already knew but he wanted jaemin to confirm it.
"i've had a crush on him since 4 years ago, i guess that liking finally turned into loving." jaemin sighed.
taeyong listened quietly, "you know you he's dating that one trainee, right? and this could kill you, you need to get treated."
"no, absolutely not!" jaemin suddenly shouted, he almost felt like throwing up again.
"i'll die before, getting treated and never feeling again."
taeyong and mark shared a look, both with furrowed eyebrows.
"if having feelings for jeno is going to kill me and feeling nothing at all is going to save me, i'll gladly let jeno kill me."
taeyong and mark weren't shocked since they would feel the same way in jaemin's position but they couldn't just stand by and do nothing to help.
when all the members came back they all asked jaemin what was wrong and when he didnt respond they went to taeyong and mark who wouldn't say anything either.
—
the third person to find out about jaemin's disease was jeno himself.
jaemin had been in the living room with his members again, less of them this time though, doyoung and jaehyun were off to the side, chenle and jisung on the floor and jaemin sandwiched between renjun and jeno.
he had been reading their comments when he felt the familiar burn and choking sensation of when he was going to throw up flowers.
he got up not attracting anybodies attention except jeno who he didn't notice was following.
he slipped into the bathroom but didn't lock the door because he was literally about to throw up on the floor if he didn't move fast.
when he threw up he fell on his knees, tears prickling his eyes as usually, there was a lot of more blood this time because throwing up flowers could not be healthy, and because it wasn't healthy he was a lot more paler and skinnier these days.
when he thought he was done, he felt a multitude of flowers come up his throat he was so shocked he made a noise similar to a whimper and cried out.
suddenly there were a hand in his hair and a hand behind his neck supporting him.
jaemin cried blood smearing on his chin as he brought his shaking hand up to his mouth.
when jaemin stopped throwing up, he had thrown up about 12 flowers, all of them red japanese lotuses.
he didn't move just sat there trying to stop his sobbing.
when he was turned around he came face to face with a sad jeno.
jaemin was tired but his eyes widened and he scrambled away from the dark haired boy, covering the scream of horror that came out of his mouth with his hand.
"is it me?" jeno asked brows furrowed.
jaemin had no words he couldn't even move, he just sat there looking at jeno, until he finally gave a small nod.
"i know you love yeonwoo though." jaemin croaked his voice not at its best from throwing up.
"who told you you i loved yeonwoo." jeno said.
jaemin didn't have to time to question him because jeno was already approaching him and picking him up,helping him brush his teeth taking him to jeno's room.
he changed jaemin's clothes for him, seeing as he was weak and couldn't really function at the moment, he gave him one of his biggest hoodies and his underwear, multiple times jaemin shied away from jeno's touch but he wasn't having it.
when he was done, jeno looked at jaemin who looked like a kicked puppy so fragile like porcelain.
jeno cupped his face in his hands, "as i was saying before i don't like yeonwoo, plus we broke up."
"regardless you don't love me." jaemin said looking up at him.
"you're right," jeno said hesitantly, and that felt like a stab in his heart.
"i don't love you but i like you." jeno explained peering into his face.
jaemin looked at him, hands wrapped around jeno's wrists, and jeno's hands were still cupping his face.
"when i started dating yeonwoo i started dating her because i started to develop feelings for you and i thought you could never like me back so i had to stop." jeno explained quietly.
"then why am i dying, if it wasn't so unrequited, don't force yourself to do this for me."
"jaemin, your body only develops hanahaki when the victim believes that they don't love them, my confession was probably to cause for that, this is all of my fault."
"no it's not jeno, you know that, if i just talked about my feelings without being such a scared bitch about i wouldn't have thrown up flowers." jaemin sighed.
jeno smiles intertwining their finger together and give his hand a kiss.
"i'm a step away from stepping off a cliff into my love for you." jeno said softly.
they fell asleep cuddling obviously jeno being the big spoon and in the morning jaemin smiled at the absence of flower petals pressing against his throat.