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The rain hits along the expanse of the window and throughout the cabin, the soft pit-pat echoes. It’s a lulling tune, one that seeps through your bones until you are lost within your thoughts, body sprawled out along the fur as you stare out at the woods beyond.
It’s been two days since Jungkook explained himself, told you the full reason why he had turned you over to his mother and for once, you feel calm. For too long you have been plagued by the mere question: why? Why you? Why now? Why any of this at all? And to finally be given an answer, it brings you relief.
Because you understand that Jungkook did what he thought was the easiest way to spare your life and each day you live alongside him, you see the hate he carries for himself within his eyes. Portrayed in the way Jungkook carries himself, in the way he hardly speaks his concerns, and it’s horrible and a part of you hates yourself for not being able to comfort him, for still feeling this strange unease that you so desperately want to shake off.
You want to feel okay again. You want to feel normal.
You want to forgive and forget and push everything behind you.
But – you cannot and it eats you alive.
It makes you sick with guilt. This ugly churning within your belly whenever you seek Taehyung’s comfort and not Jungkook’s, who you know is just as weighed down by remorse.
A part of you knows there is still much more to discuss but deep within, you are afraid. Afraid to grow close only to lose him once more. Jungkook was your first love, your first kiss, your first everything and nothing will ever change how you felt for him – still feel if you were to be honest. But, you need time to think, to find the strength and courage to finally allow him back into your heart.
Through the forest, the rain continues its downfall and as you lay there, eyes closed, you listen and you remember the dream which plagued you the night before.
A smile plays across the lips of a small girl, her dress draping down to end in loose frills but it is not her appearance within the forest that brings you to a halt but the hollow gaze resonating into her eyes, a distance look as if she has seen horrors unimaginable; terrors unspeakable.
You blink, thoughts jumbled, words clogged low in your throat. The girl tips her head to the side and examines you through unseeing eyes and yet – you know without a doubt that she is not human.
“What do you want?” You question, unsure where to begin when she has appeared so suddenly before you.
The girl shifts back and forth on both feet, body swaying as if dancing to a tune only she can hear. “I want many things,” she states, “but a better question is: what do you want?”
“Me?” She nods. “I’m not sure.”
A laugh escapes her parted lips and even with eyes unseeing, you catch a glimpse of mirth within her gaze, mirrored in the lazy tilt of her lips. “You are young human but even then, you must want something. Everyone is always eager to want – love, riches, good health, happiness – but little do they remember that to achieve this, something must always be sacrificed. You cannot simply acquire such a thing without paying forth something in return – so, allow me to rephrase: what are you willing to give up for what you desire most?”
“I don’t understand.”
The young girl – no, a fae, your mind supplies – steps forward, lifts her hand and within her palm in a heart made of ice. It’s broken, splintered in places you know deems it unrepairable but far past the exterior is a tiny light, a crimson hue that pulses as if following the beat of a heart. “Every desire needs a sacrifice. You must decide yours before it is too late.”
“And if I chose not to sacrifice anything?”
“Then you will perish along with everything you hold most dear.” The fey closes her fingers around the heart and you watch as it shatters into tiny fragments across the forest floor, the wind drawing them over the horizon before you can utter a single word. “To keep darkness from blanketing this court, you simply need a light. For it is light which holds the darkness at bay and light that heals the wounds of the injured.”
You can feel the hold of sleep start to wane, a distant noise pulling you from slumber and as the figure of the girl starts to distort, you find yourself uttering once more, “I – I don’t understand.”
“In time, you will. All in due time. Oh, and human, remember all you need to do is ask the forest.”
The dream had left you on edge all morning and even now, you find yourself frayed with unease because this is a puzzle you do not have the piece to and the empty slot is nothing but uncertainty; a trait not beneficial in your current situation.
Pursing your lips, you are about ready to withdraw upstairs to your room when a set of voices echos through the hall and not a second later, Taehyung and Jungkook round the corner, their heads bowed together as they talk, brows furrowed, lips pressed tight.
You know without a doubt that they are discussing the upcoming plans for this war. It’s been a topic of conversation for days now, each one that passes allowing you all to formulate a firmer plan, one more concrete which will hopefully offer you a chance at survival.
Taehyung glances up as he takes notice of your presence and waves you over. “We need to talk to you.” Settling in around the kitchen table, you stare down at the map laid out across the surface and Jungkook exhales, one hand lifting to rub at the nape of his neck.
“Is something wrong?” You question, quite aware of the tension which circulates the room.
“We’re still trying to figure out the best way to enter the castle grounds,” Jungkook says, gaze focused on the map. It’s apparent that he is frustrated, the dark circles lining his eyes enough to inform you that sleep has not come easy for him. “It’s just – no matter where we go, she will find us. She’ll know we are there. It’ll be an ambush before we can make it ten feet past the borders.”
Taehyung settles his chin upon his hand. “There may not be any other way.”
Roads and passageways are marked along the faded parchment, each one breaking free once it reaches the palace and you know they are both right. Nothing offers a secluded path to the castle; each one within close enough proximity to capture the attention of guards and spies.
Lifting a hand, you trace over each passage, notice the little x’s ticked across the parchment in ink and for a second, you wonder if this is it. If it has ended before it truly began. You go to lean away but a sudden pull beneath your skin draws you forward once more, eyes searching every crevice until you spot it – the tugging comes to a halt.
“What’s this?” You question, pointing at the tiny lines that curve through the forest and halt just by the courtyard doors.
Jungkook glances over. “Underground tunnels. They were built centuries ago, meant to be passageways for servants when there were still plans to expand the castle walls. It never happened and they’ve been forgotten ever since.”
“Could we use them?”
“No, they’re probably caved in at this point. It’s been centuries since anyone laid eyes on them. Besides, there is no way to access them without walking straight through to the middle of the valley where anyone could spot us.”
“Oh, and human, remember all you need to do is ask the forest.”
You’ve pondered over the fae’s words for hours, unsure what she was referring to and even though you are still uncertain, you cannot help but wonder if perhaps there was another way to access the underground passage ways, if there was a way the forest could be of aid.
“I –” You pause, slightly nervous to speak your mind in case there is a possibility that you are being silly. It’s quite likely the dream was nothing more than that and the words of the fae bared no truth. Taehyung quirks a brow at your obvious hesitance and motions for you to continue. “I know this might sound ridiculous but do you think there would be a way to ask the forest for help?”
“The forest?” Taehyung questions, brows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”
You point out towards the window, where it offers a view of the dense forest filled with towering trees and a heaviness in the air that reeks of magic. “This place, it’s powerful, right?” Both fae nod. “Everything within this territory is based around magic, one you said was ancient and mighty.” Pointing at the map, you trace along the lines of the underground passageways. “Iseul said this forest favored the kind hearted and would condemn any who stepped foot within its grounds that were evil at heart. That means this forest, this magic, it seeks to protect this court just as we wish to do. If there is a way to ask for aid, it might be able to lend a hand in reaching these passageways and clearing them out.”
“We could use them to breach the castle walls without detection,” you continue and only once you are done, do you realize both fae are gapping at you with surprise etched across their features. “I –”
“That might work,” Jungkook states, blinking once before adverting his gaze to the map. “I never considered asking the forest for help because it was never a concrete thing, never tangible in my mind but maybe that’s a good thing. This forest is ancient, there were stories from centuries ago which spoke of its creation, how it was the first place established in this court. It contains a power unparalleled to any – even my mother could not put it out.”
A dust of hope sprouts within you and you can only hope this works.
“How do we ask?” Taehyung questions. “Do we simply go outside and voice our question?”
“I think so,” you reply and then without another word, stand and start towards the front door. It still rains but that does nothing to bring you to a halt. Placing your hand on the doorknob, you inhale a deep breath and pull it open, stepping outside and beneath the light set of rain.
The forest is vast, an immense terrain containing the most ancient of magic and even standing here, without a word, without movement, you can feel the slight buzz of its power beneath your skin; a gentle caress as if it is greeting you with open arms.
You can feel the gelid air seep through your toes but the cold does not deter you from your task, in fact, you feel further connected to this forest as you stand over its earth with bare feet, body dressed in simple clothing, exposed to the natural elements of this place.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say,” you whisper, voice carrying through the wind and over the rain. “I don’t even know if you’re listening but we need your help. We’re – we plan on facing the Queen and there is no way we can win alone. She is powerful and her wrath knows no bounds; she is willing to kill everyone in her path to achieve her desires. This court has become tarnished by evil and we only wish to bring it back into the light, to free it from her vile clutches but we need you. I ask as a favor, as a plead for help, please aid us in saving this court before it’s too late.”
Around you, the rain comes to a sudden halt, the wind cutting off without warning and then there is nothing but silence, an echoing stillness that blankets over the forest and leaves you capable of hearing a needle drop. You fight the urge to say something and wait, mind seeking out the faint trace of magic which still beats gently beneath the forest and then –
Chaos erupts.
You stumble backwards as a vicious wind tears through the forest, rattling trees and disrupting snow until all you can focus on is the rumbling of the earth beneath your feet. It quivers and quakes, unsettling bush and rock from once solid positions, the earth sinking into itself and when all of it has finished, what’s left is a gaping hole in the ground – no, not a hole. A passageway.
Someone exhales in surprise and you spin to find Jungkook and Taehyung standing atop the deck, their features mirrored in astonishment as they stare out at the passageway.
“Thank you,” you whisper, bowing towards the forest with a heart roaring with joy. “Thank you.”
Screams erupt and the world shatters; hues of crimson and ebony cascading across the sky as those surrounding you continue to release bloodcurdling shrieks, their terror and trepidation ringing across the lands, shaking the earth to its very core. You stand before it, a statue amidst the horror and watch through wide eyes as goblins and redcaps, boogies and wolves all tumble to their deaths, melting over snow and ice until they dissipate into the ground.
It’s silence that befalls the world once all those surrounding you have passed and when you are alone, you feel an utter sense of mourning. It lies thick in your throat, dragging you down and down until your knees crumble and your body quivers.
“Why?” The question melts into the silence and you stare ahead at the Queen: at the blood which seeps across her dress; at the sword which pierces through her abdomen; at the tears in her eyes as she asks, “why?” She appears woeful, her entire face wracked with betrayal and you wonder if she cried, would they be streaks of tears which cascade down her cheeks or ice?
She opens her mouth to speak once more but before a sound can escape her lips, a trickle of blood leaks from the corner and dribbles down her chin.
“Oh,” The Queen whispers and when the sword is withdrawn, an eruption of spidery veins beings to sprout from the puncture wound, crisscrossing over her skin as the life starts to seep from her eyes. She lifts a hand to quell the spread but they move in rapid speed over her face and hands, shifting and expanding until her body is consumed.
As her body spills onto the ground, you find yourself confused, gaze straining past the sudden fog which consumes the field to make out a second figure in the distance.
You blink.
The world stops.
You blink.
The world starts back up again, wind and gelid air rushing past you – through you.
“No.”
You feel the burn of the jewel against your chest, the heat fracturing through skin and bone until all that remains is a desolate cavern - a broken heart.
“This is how it must be,” he says, voice floating through a cloud of mist and it is then as you stand before the clearing that you understand.
In the end, there was never any other way.
He steps through the fog and you feel yourself splinter into long, jagged pieces.
You jolt awake with a gasp.
You itch to scream.
You yearn to cry.
In the end, you do no such thing.
You simply roll over and squeeze your eyes shut, begging the forest, the magic in this court – anything – that your nightmare barred no truth.
“Please,” you whisper.
You fall asleep once more.
“You keep it close,” Taehyung explains as he demonstrates where to positon the sword. You watch the way he moves, fluid and precise, like a dance only he knows the steps to. He raises his sword and weaves it through the air, footwork immaculate until he comes to a halt beside you. “Like this.”
A moment of silence passes.
“You expect me to do that?”
Taehyung grins. “Of course! I haven’t been teaching you these past few days for nothing.”
While it is true that Taehyung has been teaching you how to better improve your swordsmanship, you know there is no way you could ever replicate that kind of fluidity. He seems to sense your shock because he reaches over to ruffle your hair, eyes alight with glee.
“I can feel your worry from here, just think, wielding a sword is a lot like dancing.”
“I can’t dance.”
Taehyung sighs and sheathes his sword, hands lifting to grip your shoulders. He meets your gaze and without a word, bops you on the nose. “Never say never ______, those are quitting words. Now here, give me your hands and just follow my lead.”
You feel your breath catch as he guides one hand to his hip and clasps the other within his own, his other arm coming to wind around your waist as he draws you in close. This – it’s new, uncharted territory that you do not know how to maneuver through.
This close, you can feel the warmth of his arm around your waist, the steadiness of his body as he pulls you in further and it’s new but not unwelcome. Not when you know that you’ve been wanting this subconsciously for quite some time. In truth, you do not know when you started to seek out Taehyung before anyone else, when he became your friend and then something more. Perhaps it started in the castle, during late night rendezvous and hushed conversations, or when he took you outside the castle walls and showed you the beauty which lied in secret within this court. Or maybe, it was when you almost lost him. When the terror and dread you felt was like a deep-rooted ache.
“I don’t think this is going to help any,” you whisper.
Taehyung hums but makes no move to withdraw. “Perhaps not,” he replies. “But, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to stay a little while longer and dance. I –” His voice drops to a whisper and beneath the stars amidst a forest of glitter snow, he speaks as though it is a secret meant only for you two. “I missed you.”
You blink and slowly lift your head to meet his gaze, eyes searching his features to find something but what you are rewarded with his soft eyes and a gentle smile. “I haven’t left,” you reply.
“No,” Taehyung says. “But sometimes it seems like you will. Somedays I wake up and I feel like I’m going to lose you both and I – I don’t think I could survive that.”
Everything seems to slow as his hand releases your own and lifts to cup your jaw, thumb drifting back and forth along your cheek. It’s silent, the forest and the world beyond nothing but background noise, as you focus on quelling the rapid beat of your heart, almost afraid Taehyung will be able to hear it with how loud it pounds. He smiles and you feel warmth spread through you. “Promise me you won’t leave?” He asks.
“I promise.” Because how could you. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Beneath the midday sun, you find yourself struck by thoughts you have pushed aside for some time as you’ve been unwilling to face them; unwilling to admit what you’ve known for a while now.
“You need to promise me as well,” you whisper. “You can’t leave m – us, like you did last time. I can’t watch you walk away again knowing there’s a chance you won’t return.”
The sight of Taehyung’s back as he’d turned to face the onslaught of soldiers while you and Jungkook escaped was an image you don’t think you will ever get rid of. For days after, it had surfaced in your nightmares, replayed like an endless film until you ached to scream.
He gives a gentle bow of his head before leaning forward to press his forehead against your own, the hand on your cheek dropping to rest at your hip.
“Promise,” Taehyung says, voice soft.
This moment feels intimate and you wonder what this means. If it means anything at all. You know that your time spent in the castle had brought you two closer together but aside from a few quick touches and the occasional hug for comfort, it had never come close to this.
But, despite not knowing what this means, you don’t want it to end
“Stay?” you find yourself whispering and Taehyung –
He smiles and tightens his arms around your waist.
“Of course.”
You stand in a sea of red. Blood soaks through dirt and snow, drips from splintered branches and coats the tips of flowers. It paints the world in a crimson haze and you can feel yourself scream, a silent cry that echoes through the world, tearing it to shreds until all that remains is an endless hole; a dark cavern of ebony that drains you dry.
Until you are a mere shell of a human.
“Why?” You ask. “Why?”
“Because –” You spin to find the young fae seated on an iron throne, her blond hair curled into rivulets, her eyes locked on you. She tips her head in greeting and motions to the darkness which encases you, “this is what the winter court will come to be if you do not defeat the Queen. It will crumble into ruin, the magic growing weaker as evil takes over and in a matter of years, a war will break out and death will befall this land – this court will perish.”
The air feels wrong; the magic feels wrong.
“How do we defeat the Queen? We are lacking fighters, weapons, magic. All odds are against us.”
Across from you, the fae blinks. Her eyes shift sideways and when you follow her direction, you see the cavern has opened a whole in its ceiling, a soft hue of lighting seeping through to illuminate a frosted heart encased in glass. It continues to beat even though ice seeps through its veins.
“A heart?”
She nods. “To find what you seek, all you must do is look. From the very beginning, it’s always been within reach. The heart of winter; the key to an end. But remember, to use the key, you must understand. Only then, will you be able to bring this all to an end.”
You stare at the heart, at the layer of frost, at the darkness which encases this court.
“A key.”
“A means to an end,” the fae states.
“But where do I look? I have no idea where to find this key?”
The fae steps down off her throne and points towards you, to the jewel around your neck, to your heart which beats in rapid succession. “It’s all so close, so very near. You simply must look for it all to be clear.” She steps back and sighs, and you can see the weariness within her features, the fatigue written in her eyes “I can merely give clues to the future, I cannot change its path. It is up to you to follow the clues and uncover the truth. I wish you luck little human for this court is my home too. I can only hope you will make the right choice.”
As the world begins to fade, the image of the girl dissipates and in its place, stands a full-grown fae with hair of silver moonstone and eyes as endless as the sea. She bows her head and places a hand to her heart.
“A word of advice before I take my leave. The choices you must make will be crucial to this courts future. I know it will be difficult but know that if you follow your heart, if you give it power to reign over your decisions, this court will perish. So, when it comes time to decide, do not step forward, do not interfere. Because this was how it was meant to be. In order to win, a sacrifice must be made.”
Taehyung finds you seated on the steps of the porch and when you glance upwards, he offers a hand. “Walk with me?” You take it without word and allow him to lead you down the familiar path to the small clearing where you last had a moment alone with him.
It’s been difficult to find time to yourself to truly process your thoughts but late at night, before the nightmares overtake you, you find yourself replaying that moment in the woods, the sincerity in his words and the softness in his eyes. You wonder if what you are feeling is allowed, if it is okay to feel more than friendship for a fae who is like a brother to your ex.
You’re unsure and in a way, it makes you feel guilty because you do not want to hurt Jungkook any further. You do not want him to think that you are in any way moving past your relationship as if it meant nothing because it did – it does – you loved him, but you cannot say with utter confidence that you still feel the same way, nor can you freely admit that you have not begun to feel more for Taehyung beyond friendship.
More so, you do not know how Taehyung feels. Nothing has ever been said but after that night in the clearing, you have caught him staring more than once, felt the fleeting touches of his fingers against your shoulder as he passed by and it’s started to make you yearn for a moment of private so you can simply ask him what all this means – if it means anything at all.
The silence is heavy between you two as he leads you across the fresh fallen snow, his hand warm in yours, grip strong and it is only as you breach the clearing that Taehyung finals pulls to a stop, his body angling to face you.
And yet, he says nothing, eyes merely searching your face before adverting to the ground.
You tilt your head. “Is everything okay? Did you want to talk about something?” A spark of worry blooms in your chest as Taehyung puffs out a breath and you cannot help but consider the worst given your current situation. All thoughts on emotions drifts out the window as you give his hand a gentle tug, urging him to lift his gaze. “Tae?”
“There were many things I wished to discuss with you but now that we’re alone, I’m not quite sure what to say,” he admits. “I want to speak with honesty, to state my thoughts clearly but…I’m afraid. I don’t want to add further complications to our situation nor do I wish to hurt Jungkook.”
It seems almost ironic that now you are the one at a loss for words as Taehyung finally picks up the courage to continue and as he talks, you can only listen, heart racing within your chest as he explains.
“For years, I have only cared about Jungkook. He was my best friend, my brother, and that was how I wished it to be. I never cared that I was not allowed friends or that finding someone to love was an almost impossible task because there was never time to truly weep for the chance I missed out on due to my upbringing. It was what it was and in the end, there was nothing I could do to change it. But then, Jungkook told me to keep watch over you when he was not able to and despite our first few weeks, you showed kindness even when none of us deserved it. I took you outdoors and showed you my court and despite all the pain this place has caused you, you still have decided to stand with us to protect it.”
“It was your heart, your warmth, which drew me in and now I find myself realizing that what I feel for you is more than friendship and I’m afraid. Because I want to be honest but I do not want to place an even heavier burden upon your shoulders. Therefore, I am saying this without expecting anything in return and if you want me to never speak of this again, I will do so.” Taehyung meets your gaze. “I like you _______, I think I have for a while.”
Oh.
You duck your head, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip though it is not fear which rushes through but nerves; exhilaration. His words replay through your mind until they have fully sunk in and it is then you finally realize that he returns your feelings.
Taehyung likes you and yet –
“Jungkook.” His name falls from your lips and Taehyung nods, misunderstanding and begins to withdraw. You keep your grip on his hand and shake your head. “No, I – I don’t want to hurt Jungkook either. I care for him and I can see that he’s hurting, and I just…I don’t want to make things worse.”
“You’ve noticed too?” Taehyung sighs. “I think he blames himself for all of it and no matter how many times I try to speak with him about it, he always ignores the question.”
Then you aren’t imagining things. You feel guilty because if you only spoke to Jungkook than perhaps that might ease some of the blame he carries because this is not his fault. How can it be when he was given no choice in the matter? “I think I need to speak with him but I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Letting someone in. I loved him and I know now that it’s not his fault but for months I was locked away in the bedroom believing that he had betrayed me, that everything we had shared together was false and it hurt. It hurt so much,” you whisper. “But, now the truth has been said and everything I once knew is wrong. He did what he thought was right and he has suffered in silence every single day but a part of me is still so afraid. I just – I don’t want to hurt anymore. Is that selfish?”
Taehyung shakes his head and draws you into his arms. “No, that’s not selfish. Healing takes time and sometimes you need to focus on yourself before you can go and help anyone else. Jungkook has always felt the need to take it upon himself to carry the burden but he will not hate you if you need a little more time before you wish to speak to him. He’ll understand.”
“And what about my feelings? If I say how I truly feel, will that not hurt him?” Taehyung keeps his arm locked around your waist as his free hand lifts to cradle your jaw. “I like you also…I think I have for a while but I just don’t want to keep adding to the pain. I’m not sure what to do.”
“Is it cold-hearted of me to feel joy knowing that you return my feelings?” Taehyung murmurs.
“If it is then I am also cruel.”
Where to go from here? How to proceed? You are sure neither of you know the correct answer but this tiny ounce of happiness you feel is inviting; it’s vibrant hues of pink and blue and resembles the sensation of warmth from a mid-afternoon sun. You find yourself drawn like a moth to a flame and when Taehyung begins to lean forward, you make no move to stop him.
His lips are soft as he cradles your jaw and you allow yourself to simply feel, to relish in the heat of his body pressed so close to your own, the gentleness in which he kisses you once, twice, thrice before drawing away and when he smiles, you swear the sight is as beautiful as star filled sky.
“Where do we go from here?” You find yourself whispering, unwilling to shatter this moment before you’ve truly had a chance to enjoy it.
Taehyung brushes his thumb over your cheek. “We take it one day at a time. Everything will work out.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
You chew absentmindedly at your bottom lip, almost too far within your own mind to hear the footsteps on the staircase but when a body moves past the corner of your eye, you jerk around to find Jungkook seated on the wicker chair.
He offers a slight smile when he notices he’s drawn your focus and raises a slight brow. “Are you okay? You seemed deep in thought.”
“Just thinking.” Jungkook nods but you can tell that does nothing to ease the concern which is still mirrored over his facial features. You want to talk with him, to seek guidance over these nightmares which have plagued you for days now but you are unsure how to speak with someone that for months you felt nothing but anger for. It has been difficult to return and assess each situation with a new understanding but you’ve been working to do so – to allow yourself the time to look at everything with a new perspective now that Jungkook has explained himself in full.
Jungkook slumps back in the chair and casts his gaze out the window. “You know, when I was born, this court was a place of beauty. It was magic and stardust, and everything – all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow – it was kept at bay until my mother deemed me of age to be fully introduced to this court’s customs. I used to be proud of my court but now – now, all I feel is hatred.”
You lean forwards, hand twitching as if to console but a sudden rush of nerves has you freezing in place. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for. All of this was my fault; I did this.”
“You didn’t –”
“I did!” He shouts, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I caused this. I did this to us – to you, to Tae. I messed up and I…I’m so sorry.”
“Jungkook!” Pushing past your nerves, you move off the collection of fur and over to where he sits, knees hitting the floor as you take his hands within your own. It has been months since you’ve been this close to him but you know that you cannot stand by and watch as he tears into himself without remorse, as if he deserves this pain, as if it is his duty to bare this burden alone. It is not his fault, both you and Taehyung know that. “I know you’re going to beat yourself up over this but please know that this isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault and I know you think you deserve to be punished, that you think I should be angry but I’m not angry. I don’t hate you. I think even when I didn’t know the whole truth, a small part of me was still hopeful and that fragment, it didn’t want to hate you – because you were my first love. You were everything. I know why you did what you did and I understand that you were given no choice; I understand Kook…I forgive you.”
"How can you though?” Jungkook whispers. “I took away everything from you and locked you away in a room by yourself for months. Being here, putting yourself in danger – all of this is because I chose to stay by your side back in the human realm. If I hadn’t…maybe you would have been spared from this.”
You nod. “Perhaps but those months we were together, I was so happy. You were my first love, Kookie. And despite all of this, I wouldn’t want to rid myself of those memories.”
For six months, you two had grown to love each other, to learn about one another through small actions and spoken words; creating memories that were treasured dearly. You had fallen in love with Jeon Jungkook, had given him your heart without doubt and in return, had cherished his heart as if it were made from the rarest jewel.
“At one point, I think I wanted to regret it. I wanted to hate you because it made it easier. Because to hate you helped wash away some of the pain – the heartache – but you’ve sacrificed so much Jungkook and knowing the truth, how could I hate you? At first, I was confused because for these past few months, all I knew was betrayal and to realize that it was false, to evaluate every situation with a new perspective, it’s taken me some time and I only hope you can understand that and accept my apology.”
Jungkook leans back, brows furrowed. “Apology?
“Yes, because I feel in working through my own emotions, I left you to deal with this by yourself but I’m going to be honest and say that even a week ago, I was still unsure. I was uncertain and afraid to let anyone in but I want to be okay, I want to let go of the past and this pain which has held me down for too long, so…if it’s okay with you, I’d like to be friends?”
You know that right now you cannot give him more than friendship. Not when you are uncertain where your heart truly lies. But, you can only hope he is willing to extend a hand into the middle and allow you both the chance to move forward down a hopeful path.
“Friends…” Jungkook ponders and then, as if the sun as broken through a set of dull grey clouds, he smiles and his entire face brightens. “I’d like that.”
You know that while things might not be one-hundred percent, you both are eager and willing to work towards that goal.
And friendship, well it’s a good place to start.
Jungkook holds a rolled-up piece of parchment in his hand as you follow him to the kitchen table where Taehyung already sits. It’s been several days since he’d last had contact with those who have agreed to fight alongside you all and after much deliberation, it was decided those from the east would travel here to lie in wait in the forest until the time was right.
You know it won’t be much longer before you need to fight; time is running out and if you want the upper hand, it is important that you make the first move and catch the queen and her forces by surprise.
“They say they will leave by nightfall,” Jungkook states as he reads over the words. “It will take a three-day journey to reach us which means we have little time to finish the preparations because I know once they arrive, we will not be allowed much more of a reprieve before our time has run out. “
Jungkook sets the parchment aside and rolls his shoulders, head tipping back to stare upwards at the ceiling. He exhales heavily. “Yoongi mailed over a specialized charm yesterday, said all we had to do was ask it for aid and that it would come but even then, I don’t know if it will be enough.”
“It’s going to be a bloody fight,” Taehyung speaks up, “but there’s one thing your mother has always lacked that we do not and that is heart. Her battles have always been spurred on by revenge but this – we’re fighting to protect this court, to save it. It’s going to be hard but I know we can do this.”
“How though?”
Taehyung shrugs and flashes a smile. “I just do.”
And for all your sakes, you hope he is right.
Later on, once the sky has succumbed to the call of the night, you find yourself once against amidst the clearing, body flushed with exertion and sweat blossoming along your brow, as you swing the sword left and right, following the choreographed routine until it becomes as easy as breathing, the movements far more fluid than when you first began.
It’s become easier to wield the steel weapon but you know this does nothing to prepare you for reality; there is no one currently at the other end keen to bring you to your end. You are well aware that when you are faced with a real situation that the outcome might be different.
It will be a duel of life or death and the consequences will be irreversible.
“You’re getting better.”
Jerking around, you find Taehyung leaning against the trunk of a tree, his arms crossed over his chest as he appraises you with fond eyes. He motions to the sword. “You’ve been practicing.”
“I have.”
He nods, a pleased smile gracing his features. “See, I told you the dancing would help.”
You lift a brow. “Seriously?”
“What can I say, I’m an amazing teacher.”
“Mhm, whatever you say.”
Taehyung places a hand to his chest, an affronted gasp leaving his mouth. “How dare you! I’m so terribly insulted right now.”
Your lips begin to quirk upwards even as he pushes off the trunk of the tree and starts towards you, a teasing grin illuminating his face. “Oh, I do apologize. How can I make it up to you?”
“Hmm? I suppose I can think of something.”
Beneath the moonlight, he is an ethereal beauty and you find yourself alight in warmth despite the coldness of winter which encases your surroundings. Taehyung comes to a halt a few feet away and spreads his arms wide open, one eyebrow quirking in a playful gesture.
The world is dipped in starlight and ice, the gelid air a welcome embrace as you step forward into his arms, at peace if only for a minute. Because this - it is fleeting. A moment of peace; an ember in a court of winter.
You know the future is uncertain but for now, you will allow yourself to have this. Because being with Taehyung is warmth, happiness – hope. It is a blinding light that dispels the darkness and the fear.
And you will protect it with everything you had.
“Stay?” You whisper and Taehyung smiles, lips pressing against your own.
“Always.”
Taehyung’s POV
Since he was a mere child under the care of his parents, Taehyung knew he was different. He could recall dreams and nightmares vividly, as if they were playing before him each time he closed his eyes. Every miniscule detail, every hidden message written between the lines – it was all clear to him.
It was only years later that he was told that his memory was a gift. A rare trait not many fae processed; to understand the message portrayed within his dream without difficulty. Because for Taehyung, seeing the true meaning was as simple as taking a closer look. His mother explained how this was a special ability but it was only as he grew that Taehyung realized it could also be considered a curse.
Taehyung could see past, present and future within his dreams; he was able to understand what could be and what was without any difficulty. And, yes, there were times when this was opportune but no one prepared him for the disadvantages: the struggles to keep things hidden; the heavy burden of knowledge; the weight of his own future that could be if the right choices were made.
He hated it, despised it, especially growing up in a court where his gift truly held no grounds because while he possessed knowledge, he bared no power that could halt the Queen’s wrath. Taehyung was a servant to the court, a knight tasked with the sole duty to protect.
And he cannot help but wonder if it was his hatred that quelled his dreams for some time because as easily as they had come, they had stopped. He had felt barren, like a fae without one of his sights. The silence had ricocheted through him and for years, Taehyung saw nothing – he dreamed of nothing.
But, as easily as they had gone, now they are back. He sees everything once he closes his eyes –
More importantly, he sees her.
Taehyung sees her within his dreams, a lonely fae that sits atop the branch of a White Oak, eyes unseeing as a knowing smile graces her lips. She says nothing at first, simply observing the way he assesses the situation but with each dream, Taehyung is provided more knowledge. He is able to see more, as if his gift is sinking back into his bones one by one until clarity sets it one evening and he finally understands.
“I dreamt of death,” Taehyung tells Jungkook one night and when his friend asks, ‘whose death’, Taehyung can only reply, “I don’t know.”
But perhaps that was a lie.
Perhaps he conceals the truth because sometimes, it is better to keep it hidden if it means sparring those he loves from more pain.
And so, Taehyung stows away his knowledge until he is able to sneak away one night into the canopy of the forest, wandering far until he reaches a White Oak planted amongst a thicket of mauve flowers. There is no surprise that etches over his features when he notices the fae lounged across the branch, nor does he produce an inkling of fear when she turns her head and stares with unseeing eyes.
Taehyung simply nods his head in greeting and settles down amongst the flowers, relishing in the floral scent that rafts through the air.
“I see you have finally come,” she speaks and her voice contains centuries of wisdom; an old aged power that rattles through his bones and settles deep into his heart. “What have you come to ask?”
He blinks. Has he come to ask something? Taehyung knows there is no other way aside from the outcome in his dreams…but, perhaps there is a chance –
“You know there is no other way,” The Seer whispers. “If you wish to win, a sacrifice must be made.”
Taehyung swallows. “I understand.”
“The Queen’s aim was to restore air into your lungs, to bring you to life just as the contract dictated but what she did not foresee is that when she used her magic, she placed a piece of herself deep within your heart. You were born of winter’s frost, ice and snow curling through skin and bone until your heart beat once more. You hold winter itself in your veins.” The Seer leaps from the branch and lands gracefully on both feet, crossing over without a word and grasping hold of his arm. She presses two fingers to his wrist. “Within you lies a key to an end; it is up to you if you wish to wield it.”
Every dream that has plagued him, he has seen death. Heard the cries of sorrow and felt the sharp stab of a sword as it pierced through skin and bone. It was his death he had dreamed of and it was this knowledge he had carried with him for days because this – it is not something he is willing to reveal. Because he knows Jungkook and if given this information, Jungkook would fight tooth and nail to keep him safe.
And Taehyung, who loves his friend like a brother, knows he was born to protect and if this means sacrificing himself to keep those he cares for safe, then he will gladly do so.
Feeling the rapid beat of his heart, he knows what he carries is important. It is more than a means to living –
It is the heart of winter.
The Seer smiles and meets his gaze, and at once, Taehyung knows what she will ask.
“You know what you need to do, don’t you?”
He nods.
“I do.”