Chapter Text
“So when are you going to tell him Eira? You can’t keep putting this off.”
“I will okay. He’s stressed out with work and I don’t want to add onto that right now, is all.”
Jungah just rolled her eyes at you, “If I remember clearly, you said Zico can’t wait to have a family with you so he’ll be ecstatic to hear the news. Actually, I’m sure it’ll drive him to propose if he knows.”
You clucked your tongue at your best friend, “You know I don’t want a marriage based on a baby June so just let it be.”
“Oh please! That man loves you and you know it won’t be just because of the baby.”
You shook your head and waved her away as you walked into the bathroom, nausea hitting you hard once more as it had been the past couple of weeks. You leaned over the toilet, dry retching since you hadn’t eaten anything much the last two days.
It was exactly two days ago that you found out you were pregnant in the exact bathroom that you were now washing up in. You were overjoyed at first, couldn’t wait to tell Jiho about the baby but then you remembered then that it might not be his. You had rushed to your doctor, asking for a test to confirm how old the pregnancy was.
“Six weeks dear. Congratulations!” She said and your heart sank to your stomach. It was six weeks ago when you were supposed to be celebrating your two year anniversary but Jiho had stood you up once more in favour of a ‘hype song’, in his own words, that he was co-producing.
You had everything set up. There were rose petals leading to the bedroom from the door. You had lighted several lavender scented candles in order of height along the wall towards the bedroom door. Inside the bedroom, you had even more candles, this time cinnamon, and orange, just like the muffin you were having two years ago when you both made your relationship official. You had removed your usual purple and black sheets in favour of the romantic red and white ones which complemented the rose petals.
You let your hair down, something you knew Jiho loved but you hardly gave him the pleasure of seeing. You bought new sexy lingerie, red and black in colour. There was a bottle of strawberry champagne next to the bed, a bowl of chocolate coated strawberries and a platter of small cinnamon and orange muffins. You felt bold and couldn’t wait to see the surprise on his face when he saw everything you had prepared. You planned to be dominant tonight and to take care of him in ways you were never confident enough to do before this day.
He was late, as was usual. He had said he’d be at your apartment by 7 pm but the clock had just struck 8.30pm and he wasn’t there yet. You were sulking while looking for the phone you had switched off to avoid distractions when you heard the front door open. You immediately put your plan into action. You tied your feet in a red ribbon bow and crossed your hands above your head while you lay on your back on the bed. You put on your sexiest expression, eager to see that dark lusty look take over your boyfriend.
“Eira? Are you in?” a hesitant voice echoed through your apartment. A voice that definitely didn’t belong to your boyfriend but to your best friend’s childhood friend cum your own good friend, Jinki. You sprung up from the bed in a hurry, almost falling over after trying to get off the bed without untying your legs first.
“I’m coming!” You shouted back as you got a morning gown and wore it. You rushed outside the bedroom into the sitting room where Jinki was waiting for you. “Is everything okay?” You questioned him once you saw him. His back was turned to you, looking towards the balcony. He turned around to face you before flushing a bright pink on his cheeks and turning back around just as fast.
“Uh…your gown is umm…open.” He explained sheepishly while scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh!” You looked at yourself and fixed your mistake. “Sorry about that. I kinda came out in a hurry. You can look at me now.”
He did turn to face you but his face was still flushed and he fidgeted to the nearest sofa in a rush, sitting down and quickly crossing his legs.
“Is Zico okay?” You asked as you went to sit down opposite him. “Why are you here?”
“Zico is okay. He said his boss asked him to represent him at an important business dinner cause he got an emergency elsewhere. Zico tried calling you but your number wouldn’t go through so he called Jungah but she is out of town and here I am.”
You were dumbfounded. It was your anniversary for crying out loud! How could he forget about it just like that? Besides, he had promised to show up tonight cause the two of you hadn’t spent so much quality time together lately. You missed him. Gosh, you missed him so much you didn’t realise you were crying until you felt Onew pat your shoulder to comfort you.
“It’s okay.” You choked out to him. “You can go now, thank you for telling me.”
“I’m not leaving you like this you know.” He stood up and began switching off the candles in the passage and switched on the main light. He went into the kitchen and brought you a bottle of water from the fridge. “Here, drink this.”
You accepted the water and took a sip. He was now sitting opposite you, looking at you intently. “Don’t say it.” You told him, now calmer than before and not crying anymore.
“I wasn’t going to.” He denied with a raise of his hands but his intense gaze didn’t waver.
“Well, your eyes are.” You retorted.
“Eira, let’s not go there.” He finally shifted his gaze to something else and you took a relieved breath.
“Okay. How did you get in though? I don’t remember giving you my password.”
“You didn’t. Jungah did. She said you wouldn’t answer the door to a visitor since you were planning to spend the night alone with your boyfriend and he knows the code so he wasn’t going to press the doorbell.”
“Oh.” Came your short response. It was true, you weren’t going to answer the door for real. “I’ll just be in my room.” You said, standing up to walk away. You were sorry for not being the best of hosts at the moment but you were too sad to try to be good company.
“Let’s go out!” Jinki blurted out before you made a step.
You sat back down, thinking about it for a moment. If you went into your room, you’d only feel bitter and sadder so you thought it might not be such a bad idea. “Where to?”
“There’s a nice club downtown.”
“You know I don’t do clubs Jinki.” You said rolling your eyes.
“I wonder what fun you and Zico ever get up to if you both don’t like clubbing.” He teased.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to get into details of our fun time you know.” You teased back with a smirk.
He chuckled in response, “Okay then, I get you. How about we go to the amusement arcade, just so you get your mind off things yeah?”
“Okay!” You said while clapping your hands. It’s been too long since you had fun outside.
You went into your room to change, doing your best to ignore your bed. You dressed in black skinny jeans and a purple sweater that Jinki had bought for you on your last birthday. You consciously left your phone behind, not wanting to see your boyfriend’s missed calls and texts. Jinki smiled when he saw you wearing it, not forgetting to compliment you.
It was fun spending some time outside the house. You had a great time with Jinki but soon enough, it was time to head back. You fell asleep somewhere along the drive back to your apartment. You felt too lazy to move when the car stopped and hence pretended to still be asleep so Jinki carried you bridal style to your apartment.
He struggled to put in your lock code with you in his arms but you remained slack as if you were far off in dreamland. He walked carefully with you to your bedroom. As he laid you down, you felt a drop of moisture fall on your forehead. You didn’t react in any way, wondering where the liquid came from. He wiped it away before you felt the bed sink by your side. You felt him push away the hair that had come to your face and tuck it behind your ear.
“You went all out for him didn’t you?” He was talking lowly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry I feel this way for you. I wish it was all for me instead. I’m so selfish aren’t I?” He chuckled sadly to himself, “No, I’m a coward and a fool.” He replied himself. “You are so beautiful Eira.” You felt him kiss your forehead. It was a soft and lingering kiss. One whose emotions and passions you could feel through. One which made you drop your pretence and open your eyes.
His eyes widened when your eyes met. “Oppa…” was all you managed to say. You felt a pain in your heart for the pain he felt. You were sorry to him and for him.
“I’m sorry,” he fidgeted, looking everywhere else except you, “I thought you were sleeping.”
“Tell me,” you said as you sat up. “Tell me everything you have wanted to tell me but couldn’t cause you were scared. Let me know, please.”
You reached out to hold his hand and squeezed it a little to encourage him. You wanted to hear it, even though you couldn’t really do much about it at this point but you really wanted to hear it.
He tried to withdraw his hand from yours, “I can’t,” you held onto his hand even tighter, reaching your other hand to put his between two of yours. “I can’t Eira…you got Zico and…”
“It doesn’t matter,” you cut him off without much thought, “’It’s just you and me right now. Please tell me.”
He took a deep breath and finally rose his eyes to look into yours. “I love you Eira. That’s the short version of it.”
“What about the long version of it?” you asked him, prompting him to say everything out.
“I fell for you the first time I saw you. When Jungah introduced us that time six years ago, I immediately knew I wanted to call you mine. I told myself I was infatuated but then the more I got to know you, the more I fell for you.”
He looked down, avoiding your gaze.”Why didn’t you tell me?”
He sighed, covering the hand on top of his with his free one. “I don’t know. I guess that’s why I said I’m a jerk.”
“No, you’re not a jerk. No jerk ever gets to own my heart at any given time.” He looked into your eyes that were filling with tears as his had already done. “I waited for the longest time to hear you say this. I wanted to hear it so bad.” The tears you b0th had been holding back were now free-flowing. “I thought I would never hear it, ever.”
“And now I’m too late aren’t I?” He removed his hands from your hold and wiped away his tears.
“Maybe too late for something meaningful to come out of it but you could show me.” You had no idea where all this was coming from. You could swear at any given time to never jeopardise the love you shared with Jiho but at that moment you were yearning for Jinki’s touch and to feel his love engulf you.
You saw the mixed emotions plastered on his face and before he continued his protest after muttering a weak, “Eira?” you boldly kissed him, cupping your hand around his neck to stop him from withdrawing. Which he didn’t. He was still for a few seconds before you felt him move his lips against yours in one of the sweetest kisses you had ever had.
Four years ago, this is what you wanted and hoped and prayed for to happen. It didn’t and you soon gave up on hoping for it. But here you were now and though at the back of the mind, the word ‘cheat’ kept replaying faintly, you did not want this moment to stop. And so you pressed yourself closer to him as you felt him wrap one hand around your waist and another into your hair while pulling you closer to him.
There was no objection when he laid you back on the bed, not breaking the kiss in the process. There were no protests as you both rid each other of the clothes separating you. There was no resistance as he explored every part of you with his lips and hands. It wasn’t anything greedy or hurried. He took you softly but passionately, expressing all the love he had failed to put into words in action. You kissed each other’s tears, holding hands as you felt his fullness satisfy your whole being. He hugged you tightly as you came down from the highest level of your lovemaking together. This time he was literally sobbing into your chest and you held him there, allowing your own tears to drown you into could have been’s and if only’s that you couldn’t afford to dwell on after this ardent night.
“Eira? You have been in there for ages. You okay?” Jungah shouted through the bathroom door, jolting you back to reality.
“I’m fine June, give me a sec.” You washed your face, trying to hide the redness of your eyes and the puffiness of your cheeks.
“My goodness! You look horrible!” she exclaimed as soon as you walked out.
“Gee..! Thanks?” You replied while walking into your room. “It’s the baby acting up. I just need to rest.”
“Should I call Zico for you? Like I think it’s only fair for the owner of the pregnancy to put up with all this.”
“June!” you whined. “Bye! Get out of my house.”
“Nope! I can’t miss this show and I gotta make you your favourite milkshake. Now go sleep, will wake you up later.”
There was no fighting Jungah and there was no fighting your exhaustion either so you laid yourself to sleep, hoping for dreams sweeter than reality.