Work Text:
"THIS IS A BAD IDEA."
"Karkat, volume."
"Sorry. This is a BAD IDEA."
Aradia swam just ahead of her moirail, her long gray tail cutting smoothly through the dark water. The only illumination came from pulses of dark red light that came from the bioluminescent light organs which ran down her tail and decorated her shoulders in intricate patterns like freckles.
Karkat swam behind her, his own biolum a similar but far brighter red, glowing against his slate gray skin.
"We never see fresh wrecks like this down here," Aradia said, grinning with sharp white teeth. "I can't pass up this chance!"
Aradia had a passion for wreck-diving that little could impede, not even the better judgement of her volume-challenged companion. She spent most of her time poking around collecting bones in the sunken city not far from where she and Karkat kept their nest. But she had a special passion for capsized vessels, which were few and far between. Their territory was simply too deep down in the trenches. Anything that wrecked on the surface generally caught on the shelf somewhere higher up. Very few things dropped perfectly all the way to the bottom. Most of what had was preposterously old, long since rusted and picked over by scavengers less scrupulous than Aradia. Karkat could understand why she was excited. That didn't mean he had to like it.
"It's going to be crawling with predators," he said, doing his best to keep his voice below a bellow. Karkat had some difficulty with that. Aradia blamed it on his somewhat poor hearing and his overabundance of large, sharp teeth. He'd had a lot of difficulty learning to speak around those teeth as a fry and shouting each word individually had sometimes been his best bet for being understood.
"Ooh, I hope there's still some whole bodies left," Aradia said with macabre glee. "I've never seen a complete human specimen before!"
"I'm SO GLAD you'll get to live your fantasy of seeing a DEAD SURFACE DWELLER right before a SQUID EATS US BOTH."
Aradia rolled her yellow eyes and stopped to pat the other mertroll, taking his face in her hands. His tail coiled around hers instinctively, anchoring them together in the current.
"We'll be fine," she said brightly. "You've got me to protect you, and I've got you to yell real loudly if you see anything spooky. What could go wrong?"
"Now that you've actually doomed us by saying those words?" Karkat asked. "Literally everything."
Aradia laughed and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"If I find part of a human," she said. "I'll let you eat it."
Karkat paused, considering it and hating himself for considering it.
"Fine," he said grudgingly. "Only because I'm hungry."
"That's my fearless leader," Aradia said with a laugh, and disentangled herself from him, swimming away again. Karkat followed close behind as they approached the wreck.
It hadn't been large. A human might have identified it as some kind of luxury yacht, but Karkat and Aradia only knew it was a slightly smaller human-thing than usual.
They had to get close before their biolum lit up enough for them to see the wreck clearly, but so far it seemed fairly deserted.
"We got here first!" Aradia said, excited. "Lucky!"
"That just means there's a ton of horrible face-eating things on the way," Karkat pointed out. "Can we hurry this up?"
"You can't rush exploration, Karkat," Aradia replied, and swam down towards the boat.
The yacht was upside down, the sun deck completely crushed but the hull still mostly in one piece. In order to get inside they had to wriggle under a small gap between the rocks it had landed on. Inside, they passed through a large room, the water dense with drifting, waterlogged books.
"THIS WATER TASTES GROSS," Karkat complained.
"Volume, Karkat." Aradia snatched a book and squinted at it in the dim red light of her biolum, holding it close to her tail, trying to make out the words. Not that she could read human anyway. But imagine if she could! The tides only knew what she might learn! Assuming the books lasted long enough.
"I wish humans would stop making things on paper," she said, frustrated. "Why do they bother? They have to know it's just going to melt."
Karkat poked a floating journal and recoiled as ink billowed into the water. "IT PROBABLY DOESN'T- I mean, it probably doesn't melt on the surface. That or humans are even crazier than I thought, and I already thought they were shrimp-shit insane."
"Of course it melts," Aradia said dismissively, discarding the book and grabbing another. "Kanaya has been to the surface and she says air is just the same as water, only colder."
"KANAYA- sorry. Kanaya made that up to impress you. Everybody knows you get the bends and die if you leave the trench. She also said you couldn't go up and down in air, only back and forth, which is the biggest load of sperm whale shit I ever heard. How would you get anywhere?"
"I wonder if I could save any of these," Aradia murmured, turning the book over in her hands and frowning as her large, clawed fingers shredded the wet paper. "They'd be interesting nest material if nothing else..."
A distant bang echoed through the metal of the ship and both trolls froze, their biolum dimming instinctively.
"SCAVANGERS?" Karkat guessed.
"No, it was coming from further into the ship," Aradia pointed out. "The wreck settling maybe?"
There was another bang, and a muffled, familiar cry. That was no squid, that was another merfolk.
Karkat and Aradia exchanged a brief look, then darted deeper into the wreck.
A narrow corridor led out from the library through the upper deck. They passed inverted rooms filled with floating linens, upended furniture, abandoned belongings. Karkat quietly pocketed a set of sparkly bracelets he knew Aradia would appreciate. Now wasn't the time, but he knew he could surprise her with them later.
As they found the stair case to the bridge deck, the banging and occasional shouts continued, getting louder as they drew closer, tracking the sound. Soon, they could pick out individual swears in an impressive steam of consciousness dissertation on the marital, moral, and monetary status of the ship builder's mother. Aradia was impressed. She'd never heard anyone but Karkat spew profanity with such eloquence, and at such length. Karkat looked pretty impressed too. Whoever this was had just managed to rhyme 'the pulsing expressways of her great cratered asshole' with 'the radioactive bottom of bikini atoll.'
As they neared the source of the shouting, they found their way blocked by a pile of wrecked furniture and a pair of heavy steel reinforced doors, twisted and stuck in their frames. As they watched the doors shuddered at the impact of something slamming into it from the other side. More cursing followed.
"You alright in there?" Aradia called, and the swearing stopped.
"Holy shit," the voice behind the door said. It was a low, masculine drawl oddly lacking in any emotional inflection. There'd been plenty when they were swearing before, but it vanished the moment they realized there was an audience. "Did you get pulled down with this ten-ton hunk of bullshit too?"
"UH, NO?" Karkat called back. "WE LIVE HERE GENIUS. I mean, not in the wreck, obviously. WE LIVE IN THE AREA."
"Oh, damn, I thought I was too deep for there to be anyone around. My luck is a fuckin rollercoaster today. Riptide over the fuckin mid ocean ridge. Can you get me out of this crab trap?"
"We'll do our best!" Aradia promised.
"No rush," the stranger called. "But it's dark as hell in here and my swim bladder feels like someone overinflated a pufferfish and is about to violently pop it as part of a bizarre ritualistic paraphilia."
Aradia and Karkat went to work hauling debris clear of the doors as quickly as possible, shoving the floating wrecked furniture into nearby rooms to get it out of the way.
"Hey, do y'all have names?" the stranger called. "I'm Dave."
"Daeyve?" Aradia repeated. "Weird name. I'm Aradia. The loud one is Karkat."
"SUP."
"Ain't that the mola mola calling the blobfish fat," Dave said. "Not that I'm complaining. I'd be happy to call you Lord and Lady Tickletits of Dick Pinwheel Cove as long as you get me out of here."
"I am DEFINITELY Lord Tickletits of Dick Pinwheel Cove," Karkat said, chucking a broken dining chair. "I demand both of you call me that from now one. I WILL NOT ANSWER TO ANYTHING ELSE!"
"Keep it down , Tickletits," Aradia said with a giggle.
Once the doors were clear Karkat moved back, shouting for Dave to do the same, and Aradia took hold of one the twisted doors, gripping it on either side. Then, with a great heave, the powerful muscles of her arms and back illuminated by the ruddy light of her bioluminescent freckles, she ripped it free and cast it aside.
There on the other side swam Dave, who was most emphatically not what Karkat and Aradia had expected.
He was, without a doubt, the strangest and most beautiful thing either of them had ever seen. He was smaller than either of them, with pale, ghostly skin and short, drifting white hair. His long tail was as scarlet as Karkat's biolum, glittering with bright scales and adorned in long ruby fins like fine silk scarves. His eyes were hidden by a strange, shiny black growth of some kind. Armor plating, maybe? Either way, Karkat knew immediately that their plans had changed.
"Oh man," he muttered, or as close to a mutter as he ever got, which was more like a slightly-loud normal inside voice.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Aradia asked.
"There's no way we can eat him now!" Karkat complained.
"Eat me?" Dave repeated in a deadpan, holding very still. "Please tell me you meant that in a suggestive way."
Aradia threw up her hands in resignation and Karkat groaned.
"AFTER ALL THAT HASSLE CLEARING THE DOORS AND WE DON’T EVEN GET A SNACK OUT OF IT!" Karkat complained loudly. "YOU PROMISED ME SNACKS!"
"He's adorable!" Aradia said, gesturing at Dave with both hands and a helpless expression. "Look at his little fins!"
"Hey, my fins are of better than average length," Dave said defensively.
"WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?" Karkat demanded. "Where's your biolum? How have you not been eaten with all those bright colors? I have a hard time avoiding predators with my shade- you must be like a fucking beacon with that tail."
"I was going to ask you the same thing," Dave said. "But then I remembered that I'm in some excruciating pain right now. So, uh, if your're not going to eat me, I'd appreciate directions back to the reef?"
"WHAT'S A REEF?"
"Oh my god."
"Wait, are you from the surface?" Aradia asked, her face literally lighting up as her biolum brightened with her heart rate. Karkat hung off her shoulders, squinting at Dave through the curtain of Aradia's long hair, daring him to say yes. If he said yes Aradia would never let it go. Unfortunately, Dave apparently couldn't see all of Karkat's menacing squinting through his weird black eyeshields.
"I'm not like, an airbreather, or one of those amphibious types," Dave said with a shrug. "But yeah I hang out near the surface. Epipelagic zone represent, and all that."
"That's amazing!" Aradia said enthusiastically.
"THAT'S BULLSHIT," Karkat countered. "Nothing can survive outside of the trench. It gets all too bright and hard to breathe and then you die."
"Yeah, apparently that works in reverse," Dave said. "Cause I'm really feeling that hard to breathe thing. And the previously mentioned problem with my swim bladder auditioning for the role of a deranged party clown's heinous balloon animal."
Despite his deadpan delivery, Karkat noticed Dave had been hanging on to a support beam since they'd come in with a white knuckled grip. Possibly seeing Karkat staring, Dave let go... and immediately began floating upside down, nose towards the floor.
"Wow, your swim bladder really is fucked," Aradia said, swimming closer to grab his tail and spin him upright again. She held him by his shoulders to keep him upright. "You won't make it out of this wreck swimming like that, much less out of the trench. Tell you what. Tell me everything, and I mean everything about the surface, and we'll help you back to the top of the trench."
"Deal," Dave said immediately.
"WHAT THE FUCK," Karkat protested. "WHY ARE WE HELPING HIM?"
"Volume, Karkat," Aradia said reflexively. "Well, we aren't going to eat him. We might as well take advantage of the situation!"
"HE'S A SWIMMING- shit, sorry. He's a swimming neon sign, Aradia! A big fuck off glowing invitation to chow town! Main course: our delicious asses!"
Aradia let go of Dave to put her hands on her hips impatiently. Dave fell very slowly forward as his orientation reversed again.
"Big talk from the guy whose delicious ass is literally glowing right now," he said as he dipped like a novelty drinking bird desk ornament, fins over teakettle.
"We can dim our biolum if we need to," Karkat said, deciding to gloss over the ass comment. "But you have a big ass shiny red banner for a tail, reflecting light all willy-nilly!"
"We wouldn't want to get willy-nilly," Dave said solemnly as his hair dragged the floor.
Aradia flipped him over again and, thinking quickly, snagged one of the drifting blankets from the ruined bed. She threw it over Dave unceremoniously.
"There," she said. "All his shiny bits are covered and we'll be fine. Now, tell me about the surface! Is it true there are squids so small they can’t eat you?”
She began swimming, pulling Dave along to keep him upright. Karkat, grumbling reluctantly, followed.
She continued to interrogate Dave as they made their way through the ship, laughing at the way he managed to turn even the most innocuous phrase into a lengthy obscene metaphor. Karkat was simultaneously intrigued, and jealous. It was his job to make Aradia laugh with stupid obscenities. Who did this glittery son of a bitch think he was, being that cute and shiny and also funny? That's too many positive traits for one person! Dave was greedy that's what he was, hoarding all the cuteness and funniness when he should have been dumb and ugly and edible. Karkat's stomach grumbled.
Aradia wriggled through the gap at the bottom of the wreck and Dave followed, Karkat trailing behind, only to bump into Dave's tail. Dave, halfway through the opening, had stopped moving.
"Want to pick up the pace asshole?" Karkat snapped. "You're blocking the exit."
"Yeah, you know, I thought about moving," Dave said, his deadpan drawl muffled by the ship. "But then I thought, this is the perfect time to just stop and let you admire my big shiny red ass. Really get up close and personal with it. Don't rush on account of the life-threatening amount of pain I'm probably in. Get hands on. Really wedge yourself up in there. Go wild."
"He's stuck," Aradia shouted on the other side of the bulkhead.
"How?" Karkat asked. "There's no way this guppy is bigger than you. You're nine feet of flawless deep-sea muscle."
"Aw, thanks babe," Aradia said and Karkat could practically hear her fang filled grin.
"Pardon the speculation," Dave said. "but maybe it has to do with this huge heavy piece of fabric which I am currently fucking ensconced in like a sushi loving vorephile's wet dream. My ass is a neon sign to a moving buffet that is currently serving high fiber burritos. And maybe it's the delirium talking but this thing smells distinctly of fuckery. This is a 10,000 thread count fuck quilt and I am wearing it like the new winter collection. I have never been so stylish and yet so conveniently edible. I am a god damn designer hot pocket with extra dick sauce."
"You talk a lot when you're nervous, huh?" Aradia asked. "Karkat does that too."
"HEY."
"You're going to have to shed the blanket," Aradia said. "Maybe we can get it loose once you're out."
Karkat half expected the guy to refuse, or at least make another vore joke, but instead he just silently let go of the blanket and, with some difficulty, squirmed the rest of the way out. Karkat yanked at the quilt, but it still wouldn't come loose.
"This thing is barnacle stuck," Karkat said. "What the hell? Try it from your side."
Aradia gave it a couple of tugs, accompanied by the sound of ripping fabric.
"Uh oh," she said, pulling free the now thoroughly shredded blanket. "Well, so much for that."
Karkat wiggled out of the gap, wincing as he saw the former blanket.
"Naw, we just need to get creative here," Dave replied, taking the shredded blanket halves. "Not to over extend my fashion metaphor, but this is a make it work moment."
He began attempting to wrap the bits of blanket around his tail, with debatable results.
"Let me try," Karkat said impatiently, darting closer and taking the blankets, attempting to tie them around Dave's tail. Getting them secure on his scales seemed to be an impossible task. In the end, once Aradia started helping, they ended up loosely tied around his waist, the scraps hanging over his tail like a really ugly grass skirt.
"Great, now predators will assume he's a hula dancer and avoid him on principle," Karkat said, exasperated.
"Hey, maybe they'll think he's a big jellyfish," Aradia said optimistically. "I'd avoid that if I was a predator."
"You are a predator," Karkat pointed out. "And we ate jellyfish like two weeks ago. You said they made your mouth tingle."
"Yeah, but like, a really big one?"
"Pretty sure my resemblance to a jellyfish of any size is negligible," Dave pointed out, as he slowly began to drift upside down again. Karkat quickly straightened him out and held him in place. "So maybe we should just make like a current and run the fuck out of here before anything shows up."
"Good plan," Aradia agreed and grabbed Dave's other arm, ready to swim upward, when a terrible shriek of rending metal tore through the darkness around them. Aradia and Karkat only froze for a moment.
“SQUID,” Karkat declared loudly. “MOVE YOUR BIG BUFFET ASS!”
They took off, dragging a bewildered Dave between them, quickly leaving the wreck behind.
“Tell me if I’m wrong,” Dave said, “I am wearing the world’s worst hula skirt right now so I’m clearly not infallible, but are squid usually such a cause for alarm? I’ve been bit by a squid before, but-“
There was another tearing metal sound and Karkat and Aradia doused their biolum at once, plunging them all into darkness for only a moment before a hellish violet radiance blossomed below them.
It pulsed along the limbs of a titanic squid, its body alone longer than the yacht it was currently cracking open like a shellfish, plundering in search of tasty corpse-bits. But the wreck was depressingly lacking in corpses, as Karkat and Aradia had already discovered.
As they watched, the Squid's biolum pulsed brighter to expose the crevices of the wreck, enough to drive out anything hiding within. Some unfortunate scavenger whom not even Karkat had noticed tried to make a break for it, only for a lightening quick tentacle to lash out, snagging the poor sucker by the tail and dragging them back into the hideous toothy maw waiting at the center of the Squid's many limbs.
No sooner had the scavenger vanished under the Squid's mantle then it turned its hideous eyes upward, its tentacles reaching for Karkat, Dave, and Aradia. Karkat squawked in fear and he and Aradia began swimming upwards again as quickly as they could, dragging Dave's more or less dead weight.
Karkat looked back, only to wail in fear again as he saw the Squid jetting after them. They fled close to the wall of the trench, darting through vents and any stony outcropping, pushing off the stone to gain speed, trying to lose their terrifying pursuer. The Squid's tentacles slammed through a stony protrusion only a few feet behind them, shattering it to rubble and making it clear they could not outrun it.
Karkat's mind whirled, wondering why it would be so intent on such meager prey. Maybe because it recognized a three for one deal. Or, more likely, Karkat guessed, it could see its own biolum reflecting off of Dave's shining scales. The damn things were sparkling like a disco ball at a tacky 70's themed junior prom. Dave seemed to pick up on this at the same time Karkat did.
"Let me go," he said, startling both Karkat and Aradia so much they nearly dropped him.
"WHAT?"
"I said drop me like its hot," Dave repeated, and Karkat was impressed that he could maintain that deadpan while also looking like he might throw up with fear. "We all know that thing is chasing me and I ain't about to let you two get eaten for my sake."
"Nobody is getting eaten," Aradia declared. "Karkat, Fake Out Make Out!"
She pulled them suddenly off course into a small crevice in the canyon wall. As soon as they were as deep into the crack as they could manage, Karkat draped himself over Dave, covering as much of the other merman's tail and pale skin as possible. Aradia did the same on Dave's other side, one eye on the crevice entrance.
They held perfectly still, Karkat's head pressed to Dave's chest. He could hear Dave's heart hammering. His scales were surprisingly smooth against the thick hide of Karkat's tail. Karkat tried very hard not to think about the fact that he also smelled kind of good. He wasn't sure if it was 'food' kind of good smell or an 'Aradia' kind of good smell, but neither was great in the current circumstances. Aradia put an arm around him, running a soothing hand over his back, the most she could do for him at the moment. Dave's head was crushed to her chest with her other hand. Karkat tried not to be jealous.
They heard the rush of water as the Squid passed, and a moment of silence. Then the grating of rock against skin as the Squid returned, searching for where its prey had hidden. Karkat held his breath as a tentacle felt its way inside the crevice, listening to Dave's heart beat skyrocket. Aradia shifted subtly, the spines along her back raising, but the tentacle stopped less than an inch short and withdrew. Another moment of silence followed. Dave began to move, but Karkat squeezed him tighter, keeping him still.
A second late light flooded the crevice as the Squid bathed it in biolum, trying to flush out anything hiding. Karkat and Aradia held perfectly still, covering Dave completely, their tails as flat as they could make them, looking, at least to the Squid's simplistic vision, like so much rough gray rock. Aradia's hair drifted like simple sea weed.
At last, the Squid truly retreated. They soon heard the distant sounds of metal tearing as it returned to digging through the yacht. It wasn't until then that Aradia and Karkat relaxing, releasing a held breath as their biolum returned.
"Holy shit," Dave said articulately.
"Sorry about that," Aradia said, sitting back like giant squid were a normal, everyday inconvenience. "They usually don't come up this high. I figured we might run into some other abyssals, maybe a sperm whale. But I was not expecting squid."
"Yeah, me neither," Dave said, clutching his heart like he was near to a coronary. Karkat was still laying on him, catching his breath. "Uh, buddy? I think it's safe to let go."
Karkat's face turned as red as Dave's tail as he realized he was still cuddling the other merman and quickly pulled away.
"I WAS JUST MAKING SURE IT WAS SAFE," he declared, loudly. "YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAVE ITS EYE ON YOUR BIG SHINY ASS!"
"You're awfully preoccupied with my ass," Dave pointed out.
"ONLY BECAUSE IT COULD GET ME KILLED!"
"It's alright dude. You don't have to hide it. You're craving my mcnuggies."
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?"
"You're both adorable," Aradia interrupted, grinning. "But we should keep moving."
Karkat reluctantly agreed and they made their way out of the crevice. Karkat and Dave both tried to leave at the same time, briefly struggling to fit, until Karkat got tangled in Dave's useless torn up blanket skirt and elbowed him in the face, knocking his weird black eyeshields askew. Karkat caught a brief glimpse of Dave's eyes, pale pink, before he fixed the sheilds back into place. He took advantage of Dave's temporary preoccupation with his accessories to shove him back and slip out of the cave first.
Then he remembered Dave still couldn't swim on his own and went back to help as the other merman began drifting ass over teakettle again.
"Why do you wear those things?" He asked, pointing at the eye sheilds. "What even are they?"
"Oh, my shades?" Dave said. "They're a surface dweller thing. Fell off someone's boat and I found them. They make me look cool and mysterious and shit."
"Right," Karkat said, skeptical. After a moment of silence, Dave continued.
"Also, my vision ain't so good. Like, really not good. Like, bukkake victim stumbling through a misty labyrinth full of pepper spray and like, whimsical Jim Henson creations that jump out from behind every corner and jab you in the eyes like the unaired episode of the three stooges where Moe just fucking murders the other two. I can't see for shit. Bright light makes it worse. So, the shades help."
"Must suck living up that high if bright light is a problem," Karkat said. "If I even get near the top of the trench the light starts giving me a head ache."
"Ha, you're telling me," Dave agreed, shaking his head. "Still, beats getting eaten by giant squid and shit, probably."
"Maybe," Karkat agreed. He had an arm around Dave to keep him swimming in the right direction. Aradia was just ahead of them, lighting the way. The water was already getting lighter. "So, do you have rom-coms near the surface?"
"What now."
"You know, romantic comedies? Like, plays? When a bunch of folk get together and act out a story and its usually about people falling in love through contrived circumstances that are supposed to be funny but are usually just kind of forced and stupid and they almost never end up with who they clearly should have?"
"Uhh, nah, don't think we have those," Dave admitted. "But I've got a buddy who's a siren, surface dwelling bird-person type of thing?"
"What's a bird."
"Don't ask. Anyway they rigged up a surface dweller television on some rocks to watch this shit called 'anime.'"
"What the fuck is that?"
"It's like, a play, kind of, but with fake people with swords and big tiddies."
"Weird."
"Definitely. We were watching this one the other day, and it was about these surface dwellers who get inside these other bigger surface dwellers that are like, made of metal or some shit? And then they fight stuff sometimes, but like most of the time they're having existential crises and being sexually repressed or some shit and at the end everyone turned into Tang."
"What's Tang?"
"Don't ask."
"...Sounds pretty cool though. Some of my favorite rom coms involve existential crises and being sexually repressed."
"No Tang though I bet."
"Not usually, no."
"It'd be cool to see one, one day, maybe."
"It'd be cool to see your weird anime thing too."
They fell quiet, realizing the relative impossibility of both those things.
"Almost there," Aradia said, squinting up at the distant edge of the trench, now dimly visible by ambient light to Karkat and Aradia's sensitive eyes. "Feeling any better, Dave?"
"Feeling a lot less like my organs are trying to implode, yeah," he said.
Aradia dropped back a little to swim beside them. She and Karkat were both starting to feel the unpleasant squeeze of being too high up, but it was far from unbearable yet.
"Hey," she said, glancing at Dave. "Before, with the squid."
"Yeah?"
"Would you really have sacrificed yourself for us?"
Dave hesitated.
"Probably," he said eventually. "I mean, can't really know for sure how you're going to actually react in that kind of situation, right? I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who would do that shit."
"Fuck, man, I'm impressed you offered," Karkat said with a shrug. "Most abyssals wouldn't piss on you if you were beached."
"We're not exactly a communally minded bunch," Aradia agreed with a shrug. "Kind of a survival of the fittest deal."
"But yall stuck around to help me," Dave pointed out.
"Only cause Aradia wanted to grill you about surface stuff," Karkat scoffed. "I would have eaten you."
"Liar," Aradia laughed. "You and I both know he's way too cute to eat."
"Thanks, I think," Dave said, clearing his throat.
"We're not exactly the 'fittest' by abyssal standards anyway," Aradia admitted. "If we hadn't found each other, I'm not sure either of us would have made it this far."
"What she means is," Karkat interpreted, "is that if she weren't being dragged down by my useless mutant ass she'd have taken over this whole damn ocean by now. I've seen her kick a violet's ass. I bet she could take down the Empress."
"Karkat," Aradia said with a laugh. "Watch the heresy! We may be close to the top of the trench but someone could still hear you."
"Notice that she didn't deny it," Karkat pointed out.
"That violet was a skinny little nerd," Aradia said modestly. "If I hadn't managed to disarm him we'd both be chum and you know it. I just got lucky."
"Nah, I'm the lucky one," Karkat said with a grin.
"So, uh," Dave glanced between them. "I'm guessing you two are...?"
"Moirails," Aradia explained while Karkat turned red.
"What the hell is a monorail," Dave asked.
Karkat inhaled, lecture at the ready, but Aradia put a hand over his mouth.
"It means we're together," she explained. "But also still on the menu. So, you can put away that despondent look, goldfish."
Dave wore the most stony expression Karkat thought it was possible to achieve. Aradia laughed.
As they reached the top of the trench it got more difficult for Karkat and Aradia to breathe and control their swimming. They could both feel the pressure on their swim bladders. It wasn't unbearable yet, but inconvenient.
"I think I can get the rest of the way myself," Dave said. His swimming had straightened out as theirs worsened. "Can yall get back safe?"
"We'll be fine," Aradia assured him.
"See you," Karkat said with a carefully casual wave, which Dave imitated. They swam in place silently for a moment, neither of them willing to say more, or to actually swim away from each other. Aradia rolled her eyes.
"Would it be dangerous for you to come back down and see us some time?" She asked. "I think we could make it a little higher up. Or we could meet at the top of the canyon. Say, day after tomorrow?"
"I don't think I have anything planned that day," Dave said with a carefully casual shrug.
"Yeah, I'm free," Karkat agreed, with less practiced but still evident casualness.
"Good," Aradia said, and darted forward to kiss Dave on the cheek. "We'll see you then."
Dave, frozen, mouth open could only stare as Aradia retreated. Karkat lingered a little longer and then, refusing to be one-upped, darted forward to slam his face briefly into Dave's cheek hard enough to probably give them both bruises before swimming away as quickly as possible.
After a moment, Dave continued swimming towards the surface, wondering if some or all of that had been some kind of pressure induced delirium. Aw man and he'd been making fun of Rose's so-called totally fake deep sea girlfriend for ages. She was going to crucify him for this. But, on the up side, maybe she'd have some tips for making it easier to get together. He had a feeling he was going to be seeing a lot of both Aradia and Karkat in the future...