Work Text:
It’s all fun and games until Present Mic, the idol of a handful of the students in Class 1-A, saunters into class and kisses their teacher on the lips without preamble.
Aizawa’s eyebrows raise slightly, and he kisses him back for a moment before frowning. “Hizashi, they’re never going to know a thing about triangles at this rate.”
Mic opens his mouth to say something, confusion evident on his face, before he turns slightly and notices their audience. He claps a hand over his mouth, flushing bright red.
“Why are they here?” he whispers, voice sounding like a tea kettle.
Aizawa, who seems to be enjoying seeing Mic be the one embarrassed by the spotlight for a change, sighs. “None of them understand how the Pythagorean theorem works, apparently. You’d think this would have been covered in middle school. I assumed,” he says, ”that you’d gotten my text.”
Mic looks like he wants to sink into the ground, pulling his leather jacket tighter around him. The class, however, is staring in stunned silence. Midoriya looks like he’s just been given the final piece to a puzzle he’s been solving for a long time. Tooru silently passes Mina ten dollars (not surprising). Iida silently passes her twenty (more surprising).
Sero, who apparently fears neither man nor God, raises his hand.
Aizawa barely looks at him. “Yes?”
“This is like seeing your parents on date night.”
“For the love of all that is holy, no one tell Nedzu,” Mic mutters, mostly to himself.
“Seriously, I am going to bleach out my brain,” mutters Kaminari. “Unlike you guys, I can actually do it.”
Sero rolls his eyes. “Oh, now you know how I felt—“
“Don’t you dare!”
“—when I saw you in Recovery Girl’s office for hickeys. Hickeys, Kaminari. What were you even doing?”
Bakugou clears his throat. Next to him, Kirishima is fidgeting uncomfortably.
“It’s easier to make out with the boyfriend that’s made of stone without worrying about blowing him up,” Kaminari says, obviously not wanting to be the only one embarrassed here.
Sero looks at the three of them in turn before Mina holds out her hand. He places five dollars in it, and she fist pumps in the air before making a note in one of her journals.
“He sunk the ship to kill the captain,” Aoyama says from behind them.
“You’re bringing anarchy upon my classroom—“ Aizawa starts before dissolving into a yawn.
“This is why I came to get you in the first place!” Hizashi mumbles. “You need to rest sometimes in a place that’s not the supply closet.”
“Gross,” he replies.
“Now my classmates can fully realize the hell I go through,” Shinsou mumbles.
“Excuse me? The hell you go through?” Todoroki says, sounding as stoic as ever. “You named our cat a Vocaloid pun.”
“I regret none of that.”
“Teaming up on me. This was sabotage, plain and simple, and I will not stand for it.”
“Hold on,” Tsuyu says, turning to look at them.
Todoroki holds her gaze, as if daring her to say something about his family.
“What was the pun?”
“Hatsune Mewku.”
“...Shinsou, why?”
“I saw the chance, and I took it.”
“We own five cats,” Todoroki says calmly.
There’s a slight lull in conversation where no one is sure how to move forward before Mina pipes up.
“Are you married, or what?”
“None of your business. You need to learn how to apply a^2+b^2=c^2 before you need to worry about the state of my love life,” says Aizawa.
“Of course they’re married,” says Kirishima. “They have two sons.”
Sero nods. “They have five cats. They’ve practically moved into the nursing home together.”
“How have you kept the tabloids from finding out about any of this?” Midoriya asks. “Mic usually seems so open on his radio show!”
“Oh, no.” Mic begins to pace back and forth. “Everyone’s going to know about this by tomorrow.”
“Calm down, babe.”
“They’re high schoolers. That’s what they do.”
”If they tell anyone,” he looks at the class, hair hovering above his face, “I’ll kill them.”
“You will not!” squawks Hizashi.
“I’ll expel them?”
”No!”
“We won’t tell anyone.” Momo looks him the eye. “We appreciate you as teachers, and your privacy as both heroes and role models is very important to us.”
“We’d also appreciate it if you didn’t murder us, thanks.”
“Shut up, Kaminari. We’re trying to have a tender moment here,” says Mina.
“This is the scoop of the century. Can I not even tell Class 1-B—“ Tooru says quietly.
“He might not be able to kill you, but I fucking can,” Bakugou says (apparently having recovered from his embarrassment) at the same time that Todoroki says, “You’ll have us all to deal with if you do.”
“No one,” Mic says, his face in his hands, “is killing anyone over my marriage!”
Uraraka smiles. “They are married!”
Jirou looks up from her phone, which she’d gotten out to listen to music at some point during the conversation. “Our teachers are LGBT icons.”
Kirishima nods solemnly. “Class 1-A is gay culture.”
“Is this why we saw the four of you at that one Italian place downtown?” Tooru asks.
“It was the day after I failed my English test, too. I was trying desperately to hide in my noodles,” adds Ojirou.
Tokoyami leans over to Shinsou. “You can’t tell me things like this without adding some embarrassing secrets about our teachers. It’s your legal obligation to me, as your best friend.”
Todoroki snorts. ”Don’t act like you didn’t know about this, Tokoyami. You come over for game night every other week. Mic makes apple pie because it’s your favorite. I’m the ultimate fifth wheel to both my brother and my dads.”
”He what?” Kaminari says. “Our resident emo likes to play Monopoly?”
”Actually, he likes to play Clue. Aizawa’s the Monopoly person.”
”Shinsou! You’re going to ruin my reputation!”
”Sorry, babe. Also, Mina, did nobody bet on us?”
”Nope.”
”Aw, man,” Shinsou says, at the same time Tokoyami says ‘Thank God.’
“Does the Pro Hero Eraserhead snore?” Sero interrupts.
“I bet you Mic is actually a night owl,” says Sato.
“The last time I bet on something, I lost ten dollars, because apparently my teachers are good at hiding their secret domestic lives,” Tooru says.
“I lost twenty dollars!” Iida says. “I was more blindsided than you.”
“You started a betting pool over my love life?” Aizawa asks, horrified.
Mina ignores him. “It’s because you are hopeless in the ways of love, my friend.”
“He has two whole, entire partners,” mumbles Midoriya.
“I love them very much!” Iida says, smiling at him and Uraraka.
“I would say ‘when did this happen’, but I think we all knew when that happened,” Aoyama laughs.
”At least you’re not being bet on by your best friends, Sensei!” Kaminari says.
“Untrue. Midnight placed a bet for fifty dollars.” Mina calmly sorts through her stack of cash.
”She what?” Mic says, his voice raising a few octaves.
”She attended our wedding,” Aizawa points out.
“I bet you it takes him more than an hour to get his hair into its mountain each morning,” says Kirishima.
“I bet you Aizawa calls his cats dumb names when he thinks no one’s listening,” replies Jirou.
“As if his cats don’t already have dumb names.”
“That’s fair.”
“You take that back,” says Mic, pretending to be indignant.
“Dad’s hair is why we have more than two bathrooms.”
“Shouto!”
Aizawa smiles. “Trust me, Mic’s the one who snores the most, and with his quirk, it is absolute hell.”
“I am being betrayed by my own husband! My whole family!”
“They’re so awful at hiding it. I don’t know how this conversation is just now happening. One time, I saw Tsuyu in the grocery store and she watched us argue over whether to buy an extra large jar of Nutella or four for each of us. Kouda saw Mic drop Aizawa’s lunch off in the teacher’s lounge along with his sleeping bag.”
Shinsou grins at Todoroki. “When the class went to visit Dad in the hospital after the attack on the USJ, Mic was asleep in the chair next to him. How did you interpret that as platonic?”
“Plenty of people stay with their friends when they’re in the hospital.” Kirishima shrugs. “Katsuki and Denki both stayed with me after I got my tonsils out.”
“You asked us out, like, not even a month after that,” Kaminari smirks.
“I second that. I got my appendix removed and Jirou convinced the hospital she was married to me somehow.”
“Yeah, and I should win an Oscar for it.” She sticks her tongue out at Momo.
“Tooru, have you ever had surgery?”
“...The hell, Mina?”
“This is a yes or no question.”
“Yes?”
“How do they do it if your organs are invisible?”
There’s a slight pause in which the class wonders if she might have run out the door.
“I have no idea.”
“You didn’t think to ask?”
“It didn’t seem important! Maybe they’re not invisible?”
”I’m not the only person who can cancel out quirks, you know,” Aizawa says, exasperated but fond.
There’s a slight pause where only Todoroki’s voice can be heard. “—and yeah, his ringtone for Yamada is absolutely Rasputin. One time he was in a meeting and his phone started blaring ‘He was the kind of teacher women would desire.’”
“Excuse me?”
“This is why you don’t only listen to the tail end of conversations, Aoyama.”
“You can’t tell us this and not tell us what Mic’s ringtone for Aizawa is!”
There’s a slight pause as Todoroki and Shinsou make eye contact.
“Don’t you dare,” says Mic, and all eyes in the room are back on him.
“It’s the song that played on our first date,” Aizawa says, continuing to grade papers but smiling as he does so.
“That’s adorable!” Mina says.
“This is the worst day of my life.” Mic pulls Aizawa out of his chair, and he begrudgingly stands. “You all are dismissed.”
“I haven’t dismissed them!”
“I just did. You’re getting a nap in before patrol.”
“What are we having for dinner?” Shinsou shouts after them.
“It’s a surprise!” Mic yells back, and Aizawa audibly hisses.
“Did you just use your quirk, holy shit, that was loud— Is it pizza, this is why you’re my favorite person.”
“It may or may not be pizza!”
“See you at the house,” Todoroki calls before turning to Shinsou. “Are we out of cat food?”
“I mean, probably. Einstein is greedy.”
”I can pick some up. It’s Friday,” Tokoyami says, putting all of his books back in his bag. “It’s on my way to your house, and I have to get some things anyway.”
As soon as Todoroki stands up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking out the door, all hell breaks loose. The sun is beginning to dip behind the mountains, and all the other classes are long gone.
“I think Lunch Rush slipped something into the food,” Sero laughs.
“Are we still on for tomorrow night?” Kirishima asks. Bakugou says ‘Like I care, asshole’ and Kaminari says ‘Yes’, which mean the same thing.
The tabloids never do find out, but Aizawa and Hizashi find themselves strategically alone more often than not.
The class makes a card for their anniversary. They don’t bother to ask how they got the date. Aizawa hangs it on the fridge.