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As Sam wound his way through the bullpen at Transition headquarters, he was greeted by a sea of strangers. He was really happy for Josh; ecstatically happy, in fact, as no one knew better than he that Josh and Donna were meant for one another in an eternal soul mate kind of way. However, as happy as he was for them, having them both gone wasn't the optimal situation for his first day. Out of the corner of his eye, he finally spotted a familiar face. The kid Josh had yelled at. Maybe he should be first on the agenda; Sam changed course and headed that direction.
"But he's not-" Otto looked a little distressed as he spoke into the phone. Or tried to speak into the phone; whoever was on the other end didn't seem to be giving him much of a chance to talk.
"Ms. Cregg, I don't know-"
That name, spoken aloud by Otto, caught Sam's full attention as he neared the beleaguered younger man. "Do you some need help?"
Otto covered the mouthpiece of his phone. "Do you know where Josh is? This is CJ Cregg and she's a little… hot under the collar."
Sam smiled easily. "I'll take it."
"Ma'am… excuse me… could you hold and I'll transfer you. Thank you." Otto breathed a sigh of relief and then turned to Sam gratefully. "You can pick her up in Josh's office."
Sam wandered in and sat behind Josh's desk. It felt weird to be back. Really weird. But not necessarily in a bad way, and now at least, in CJ he could tackle something familiar. He hadn't spoken with her for ages; it would be good to catch up. With a grin he picked up the receiver and hit the line that was blinking. "CJ?"
"Josh Lyman, what in the hell was your candidate over here talking to the President about? He put the President into a… mood. I thought I made myself crystal clear. I don't want your guy anywhere near this Kazakhstan thing. What part of that don't you understand!?"
"CJ-" Sam tried to interrupt, feeling his blood pressure instantly hit its ceiling. So much for a nice conversation with an old friend.
"I thought that you and I had an understanding. You were going to listen to me and rein in Santos. He has no business playing in waters this deep. And he has no business coming over here and haranguing the President about it in a private meeting. This country is in a state of near-war. You know, if you can't handle your guy, maybe you can't handle the job!" CJ yelled in a state of frenzied furor.
"Jesus Christ, no wonder he had a near-meltdown." Sam rubbed his eyes with exasperation.
That comment finally brought silence. After a moment, CJ asked slowly and in a much calmer tone, "This isn't Josh, is it?"
"No, this isn't Josh. Now that you know it's not your— and when did this happen-- favorite whipping boy, do you think you can take it down a notch and have a civilized conversation?"
"Spanky?"
"No. This is Sam Seaborn. Spanky died a horrible death four years ago. Josh is not here; what can I do for you, CJ?"
"I need Josh."
"Well then, you'll have to wait quite some time; he's unreachable. So either you make do with me—but I'll warn you right now, I've been working in corporate law, which compared to this is surprisingly civilized, for the last four years, and don't really respond to screaming insults-- or I could always put you through to President-elect Santos. I haven't known him very long, but I don't get the idea that he will enjoy being referred to as the 'candidate' or being lectured to like he's a naughty schoolboy by the lame-duck White House Chief of Staff. I don't much enjoy it, either."
"Well, if he didn't act like a naughty schoolboy, I wouldn't have to lecture him like one," CJ retorted hotly.
Sam searched back and tried to remember how best to deal with an angry CJ. He took a different tack. "I thought President-elect Santos had a meeting with President Bartlet today."
"He did."
"Okay, so what is this about? Do you somehow think you're going to make more of an impact by screeching and insulting Josh, then the President made on the President-elect in person?"
At that, CJ was silent.
"What was said in that meeting that a screaming match between you and Josh after the fact is going to be able to fix?"
"That's why I'm calling Josh. I don't know what was said in that meeting," CJ replied heatedly.
"Okay, now we're getting somewhere." Sam sighed. "So basically, you're just beating up on Josh because you're feeling ineffectual in your job."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Sam."
"Yeah, I really do. Damn… it sounds like you could use a vacation as badly as Josh."
"What are you, his attack dog now?" CJ smarted. Sam felt anger rise in his chest at the comment, but then he thought about it. He was to be Josh to Josh's Leo. And if anything, Josh had been fiercely protective of both Leo and the President. Bartlet's pit bull. He could do that, too, so he bared his teeth.
"If this is an example of your diplomacy skills, it's suddenly completely clear why you're leaving this country on the brink of war, and in so doing, leaving a huge mess for the Santos administration to clean up."
Stunned, CJ was silent for a moment before exploding. "How dare you. Who in the hell are you?"
"I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff of the next administration and you're stuck with me. It doesn't feel good to have your professional capabilities questioned by someone you respect, does it, CJ? Why don't we start over?"
"What?" At that, CJ was surprised enough to forget her anger for a moment.
"This has been a very ugly conversation, and since it's the first one I've had with a dear old friend in a very long time, I would have really liked if it had gone better than this."
"Sam, that's-"
But Sam wasn't listening. He interrupted her by pretending to answer the phone. "Hello."
"This is ridicul-"
"Hello, is anyone there?"
Silence greeted him on the other end of the line. Finally, Sam shrugged. "Hmm, guess no one's there. Goodbye."
"Sam, its CJ."
"CJ! CJ Cregg, how are you?" Sam responded in a jovial tone.
"Okay, I get it. I was a little harsh when you answered and I thought you were Josh."
"Yes, you were. But I can trust you're over that?"
"Yes, I'm completely calm now. May I speak to him?"
"Still no."
"You can tell him he doesn't have to hide behind you. I'm not going to yell at him."
"He's not hiding behind me; last time I checked, Josh Lyman didn't hide behind anyone. But you're damn right you're not going to yell at him."
Stunned, CJ sat on the other end of the phone. At what point had she lost control of the conversation? Resigned, she finally sighed. "I apologize."
"Thank you. Apology accepted. How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Really?" Sam asked, not buying it at all.
"Okay, maybe a little stressed."
"That's a more honest answer. Funny, there's a lot of that going around in this town."
"I take it that's your way of telling me Josh is stressed?"
"Yes."
"So, what… he went home early?"
"No, he's gone for a week. On vacation. Unreachable."
"Josh Lyman went on vacation?" Now CJ was too surprised to hold on to any of her anger.
"Yes."
"He left town. Just like that?"
"Yes."
"Of his own accord."
"He may have had a nudge."
"What kind of nudge?"
"I told him that I wouldn't stay unless he took the vacation."
"So you're just on fire today."
"I like to think so," Sam replied a bit distractedly; his attention was suddenly captured by a disheveled dark-haired woman who seemed to be pacing in front of his door. She reminded him of a… Muppet. An angry Muppet. It was probably the eyebrows.
"Where did he go?" CJ asked curiously.
Sam shook his head and re-focused on the phone conversation. "A tropical beach. I'm told there is to be sun, sand and adult beverages with little umbrellas."
"You can tell me where he's going; I'm not going to try and call the hotel or anything," CJ replied a little huffily.
"I really don't know," Sam lied.
"Sam."
"Seriously, I don't know. I guess I forgot to ask. But think ‘romantic tropical paradise.’" Sam actually did know, but he was determined that no one else would know until Josh and Donna got back.
"Oh…" CJ still couldn't contain her surprise. "Well, a tropical paradise… that is a vacation. A real vacation."
"Yes."
"It's a shame he doesn't have anyone to share it with," CJ said, trying to sound sympathetic, but the words actually came out with a bit of condescension.
"Who said he's going alone," Sam replied, feeling a little smug.
"He's not going alone?" Surprise, once again, rang through CJ's voice.
"Nope."
"Who is he with?"
"Who do you think?"
"His mother?"
"You think going with his mother would be a romantic getaway?" Sam asked with a cringe. "Do you have some Oedipal fantasies I don't know about?"
"So I take it's not his mother," CJ intoned dryly.
"No, thank God."
"Then who?"
"Girlfriend, soulmate, love of his life… I'm not sure what the kids are calling it these days," Sam replied simply, enjoying teasing her. All these people had gotten really uptight in his absence.
"Love of his life?" Now CJ burst out laughing, obviously feeling a little less uptight. "Josh? Josh doesn't have a love of his life."
"Doesn't he?"
She laughed. "Come on, Josh with a love of his life? A girlfriend? A soul-" It was that last one that clicked. She stopped abruptly as the truth finally dawned on her. "You don't mean…"
"Now you're catching on."
"Donna did not go on vacation with him." CJ stated it as if it were fact.
"Unless they missed their plane, she did."
"That's impossible."
"It's really not."
"But she's spent several nights at my place since the election. If they are at the point of going on a romantic tropical getaway, why wasn't she staying with him?"
He had to admit it was a reasonable question. "I don't know. I just know it's new, but if you ask me, it's about the oldest new relationship ever. And I know that Josh is determined to get a life, and in a surprise twist that really none of us should find shocking, apparently to Josh that means Donna."
CJ sat in silent surprise on the other end of the line, but then shook her head. "I can tell you from experience, if he thinks he's gonna do this job and have a life-"
Sam cut her off unceremoniously. "There's more than one way to skin a cat, CJ."
With amusement she replied, "Are you calling me a cat?"
Sam thought about that for a moment. "No, I'm calling the job a cat."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. The job's the cat and you're the one… skinning it or something."
"I think I'd rather be the cat."
"Wouldn't we all," Sam agreed with a chuckle, before looking back up only to see that the Muppet woman was still pacing outside his office. "CJ, I have an angry-looking woman standing at my door. Maybe we can have lunch sometime and catch up. I'll tell you about my fiancée."
"You have a fiancée?" CJ shrieked.
"I do."
"Wow, you are just full of all sorts of juicy gossip today." She paused for a beat before starting, "So I guess that means…"
"Yeah?"
"It's not just Josh… and of course Donna… everyone's getting a life?"
"I guess so. Getting a life… it's the new black."
She snorted. "Maybe I should try that."
"Maybe you should. It's a great de-stresser. So you'll have Margaret call and set up that lunch?"
"Yes." She nodded vigorously, and for the first time in the conversation, found herself smiling. "But Sam, let's get one thing straight?"
"What's that?" He felt himself tense at her tone.
"You will always, for the rest of your life and beyond, be Spanky to me."
"Great." Sam rolled his eyes, but he couldn't fully suppress a grin as he hung up the phone.