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It was a sad summer weekend for Akaashi. He missed the volleyball club —they had all decided to rest for a couple of days, since it was summer holiday— but the truth was that Akaashi missed something more.
In particular, now that he was a third year and the team captain, he missed the previous one.
He wasn’t the type to show his emotions, but his teammates still knew how much Akaashi missed Bokuto. He insisted he could play volleyball without his old teammate and could take the team towards victory, but sometimes, when the ball got close to his hands during a rally, he would instinctively set to Bokuto —only to find he wasn’t there anymore when it was too late to fix the course of the ball. A quick apology wouldn’t convince the rest of the players that he had forgotten Bokuto, but Akaashi evaded the topic.
They hadn’t talked about Bokuto since the old team ace had left the previous spring, having graduated soon after those great Nationals. Whenever any first-year asked about the legendary Bokuto, Akaashi would snap –there were more important matters to talk about, he would say.
The truth was that it was too painful. Bokuto had left a huge hole in the team and, Akaashi suspected, in his heart.
It was in that summer afternoon, as Akaashi strolled around his neighborhood’s park, that he wallowed in the past. What used to be a collection of beautiful memories, of times shared with Bokuto during their two years playing together in Fukurodani, was now but a source of pain for Akaashi.
He missed him so much it hurt.
“Akaaaaashiiiii!” A familiar, loud voice screamed behind him.
Yes, Akaashi thought, he could still hear Bokuto’s voice in his mind at times.
“Akaaaaaaaashiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!” The voice, louder this time, if that were possible at all, lengthened the syllables of his name, as if annoyed at the fact that he had to scream again to get his attention.
That was when Akaashi’s eyes opened wide, realizing that this wasn’t a product of his vivid imagination. Turning around in a rush, he saw Bokuto run towards him, a mix of determination and happiness painted in his senior’s face.
That face actually made him laugh.
“Bokuto-san!”
Akaashi ran, too –a trot compared to Bokuto’s Olympic-fast dash. He had to pretend he wasn’t elated to see Bokuto again, right? And, after all, Bokuto’s long and strong legs would make him arrive to Akaashi’s location in a second.
Bokuto stopped, getting stuck on a spot only a step away from Akaashi, a cloud of dust rising around and marking the way behind him. For a moment, Akaashi couldn’t hear the world around, his heart drumming all the way up to his ears.
He stopped his body from jumping towards Bokuto, because his arms and hands, his fingers, his entire being longed to hug his old teammate and senior, his best friend, to wrap his arms around Bokuto’s neck and dig his fingers on his hair.
Because, speaking of hair, Bokuto had let his hair down today —or perhaps he styled it like that every day now, Akaashi couldn’t know since he hadn’t seen Bokuto in months— and his white-tipped and black-rooted locks fell beautifully over his forehead, curling slightly with the humidity and his sweat.
Akaashi stood there, paralyzed, staring at Bokuto’s big round eyes, which remained as expressive as ever. The older boy stared with an awed, open smile on his lips.
“Akaashi!!”
“Bokuto-san…” His own smile felt weak. His eyes lowering down Bokuto’s body, Akaashi noticed his clothes –unusually formal, a black suit with a matching tie, but still a huge disaster, with a part of the hem of the shirt sticking out of his pants and his tie half loose already. “Where do you come from?”
“My cousin’s wedding!” He explained with a grin. Heartache gripped Akaashi’s chest —how could he have forgotten Bokuto’s cheerful answers, the way he made even the most common stuff sound exciting?
Akaashi’s brain was overwhelmed with everything he wished to say to Bokuto. He wanted to let him know how beautiful he looked after the three months away from the club, how much he had missed him and how the team wasn’t the same, even if Fukurodani was still doing pretty well, but it wasn’t the same, it simply wasn’t, and the first-years wanted to know so much, they were always asking questions about the legendary Bokuto who had made the name of Fukurodani shine during Nationals, and damn it, had anyone told him how beautiful he looked with his hair down? Seriously, had anyone told him? Did he style it like that now? And it looked so good, the contrast against his skin darkened by the sun, by the obvious volleyball practice Bokuto had done outdoors, because it was obvious that Bokuto still played volleyball, and had he improved a lot in the last months? Did he have any friends, anyone interesting in his new life? And did Bokuto miss him as much as Akaashi did?
But when his mouth opened eventually, probably a mere two seconds later, but two seconds that felt like ages, all Akaashi said was:
“You’re a disaster, Bokuto-san, going to your cousin’s wedding with your shirt half out.”
Bokuto complained with a groan that sort of sounded like Akaashi’s name.
“I looked decent back then! But it’s hot and suits are uncomfortable! I’m going back home now anyway.”
Akaashi held back a chuckle, but a half-smile still betrayed him. Perhaps it was good; if Bokuto hadn’t received that smile, he might have felt depressed by Akaashi’s comment on his looks.
“Then I guess you have some time for a stroll? Tell me about your new life?” Akaashi suggested, pointing at the park with his chin.
It was magical, the way the park’s appearance had changed in a moment, from a gloomy, cloudy, depressing and deserted place, to an idyllic area full of green, of life, a sort of Eden in which Bokuto and Akaashi, thanks to destiny, could spend a bit more time together, one last time.
Akaashi still kept his physical distance, once that pained him, feeling every muscle in his body urge him to get closer. But he didn’t want to ruin this one chance to talk to Bokuto once again.
Bokuto, throwing his dark blazer carelessly over his shoulder and loosening his tie even more, took a step forward and began babbling about his new life, his new volleyball team, his routine. Akaashi listened carefully, yet couldn’t quite process what he was saying, maybe because Bokuto spoke so fast, as if he were running out of time, as if he was afraid he would never meet Akaashi again and somehow had to keep him updated on every tiny detail of his new life; or maybe because Akaashi was too busy staring at Bokuto’s face, at the curve of his nose and lips, at his new hairstyle —why hadn’t he ever worn his hair like that during high school? Akaashi thought it made Bokuto look so handsome.
With a violent gulp, Akaashi felt his cheeks burning. He had just thought Bokuto was handsome! What was he thinking?
But it wasn’t the first time he had thought something like that. When it came to Bokuto, Akaashi had liked him from the very beginning, from the first day he had joined the Fukurodani volleyball team and, as an inexperienced and shy first-year, he had met the eyes of the then second-year ace-to-be. It hadn’t taken them more than a couple of weeks to become the most reliable setter-spiker couple in the team —the chemistry between them was obvious.
“So! How about you, Akaashi?”
Bokuto now pierced Akaashi with his golden eyes, as if trying to discover a hidden treasure behind Akaashi’s blue gaze.
His throat felt dry, but when he answered, he sounded as unfazed as usual.
“The team is pretty calm without you, Bokuto-san.”
“Akaashiiii!! Don’t say that!”
He wouldn’t have chuckled in the past, but now Akaashi did. Perhaps he couldn’t afford to make Bokuto believe he was speaking seriously, now that Bokuto wasn’t around every day anymore.
The thought stabbed him right on the chest, but Bokuto’s complaints soon returned Akaashi to real life.
“How can you say nobody misses me?!”
“Well, I didn’t really say that, did I? I said it’s pretty calm.”
“But is it a good kind of calm or a bad kind of calm?!”
Well, Akaashi thought, it would be nice to say “a good kind” and watch Bokuto have a meltdown, but…
…but he didn’t want to see that, right? And if he didn’t say the truth now, Akaashi had no idea if he would have an opportunity again. What if he never saw Bokuto again? What if Bokuto lived the rest of his life thinking that nobody at Fukurodani missed him? That Akaashi himself was fine without him?
By now, they had reached a part of the park covered with thick, dark green trees that created a roof above their heads. Under their shade, a refreshing breeze blew around the trunks and leaves, whispering the language of nature to their ears and carrying with it the songs of the birds.
It was still soon in the afternoon and most people hid from the heat in their houses. Looking around, Akaashi realized the park was deserted, and he and Bokuto were the only ones standing on that grassy path under the trees.
Akaashi took in a deep breath.
“I wish you were back on the team.”
His words came out in a mutter, but it was enough for Bokuto to understand. And there was something in the way Akaashi had pronounced those words, something he had implied by instinct, but that had made Bokuto’s cheeks and nose turn red, his eyes looking away… Something that told Bokuto that Akaashi’s answer wasn’t so much about the team as about Akaashi himself.
And, contrary to popular belief, Akaashi knew that Bokuto was way more intelligent and perceptive of other people’s emotions than it seemed at first sight.
Scratching the back of his neck, Bokuto replied, his eyes still wandering around:
“I wish that too. I mean, my current team is great! But… but, you know… you aren’t there.”
They both looked away. Akaashi knew they were both blushing by now. At some point, trying to escape from each other’s eyes, their gazes actually met by accident, and got stuck into each other’s.
“I wish I could be there.”
“The setter just isn’t the same,” Bokuto added, his hand on his tie, attempting to make it loosen even more. Akaashi noticed how Bokuto’s Adam’s apple went up and down his strong neck.
“Well, of course he isn’t,” Akaashi replied rather brusquely, trying to bring back the chill tone of their usual conversations.
They shared a brief laugh, still feeling the heat emanating from their own bodies.
Akaashi plunged his fingers on his messy dark hair, scratching, wondering if he should say it… if he should tell Bokuto all the truth. It felt rather soon, kind of random, definitely sudden, but if Bokuto didn’t get to hear it from Akaashi’s mouth now, would he ever know?
Was it worth letting opportunities fly away because of one’s fear of ruining a friendship? Could a friendship get ruined by saying the truth? Akaashi knew of some friendships that had ended because of unrequited feelings, and yet… could you even call that a ‘friendship’, if it was fragile like that? Was it better to just let Bokuto live the rest of his life without knowing the truth?
Yet, if Bokuto had taught Akaashi anything in those two years together in Fukurodani, that was confidence. Bokuto had many faults, but being a coward wasn’t one of them.
“You know, Bokuto-san, I… well…”
He hesitated. How could he say it? What was the best way of confessing his feelings? It seemed so simple in movies, but in real life his mind went blank without warning.
“Yeah?” Bokuto urged him.
“I… just don’t get scared, alright, Bokuto-san?”
“Oh, okay!”
A brief and intense silence, and then… Bokuto started walking again.
“Bokuto-san, where are you going?!”
“Wait, what? You hadn’t finished?” Bokuto turned around with a jolt. He was visible ashamed.
“I hadn’t said what I wanted to say!”
“I thought you wanted to tell me to not be scared about the new volleyball team! It… it wasn’t that, right?”
Akaashi stared at him, his mouth hanging wide open.
And then… he burst into laughter. Because he had never witnessed Bokuto being more adorable than right in that moment.
“I… no, that wasn’t it,” Akaashi somehow said, his laugh interrupting his explanation. “No, I meant… Bokuto-san, how could you possibly be scared of the new team? You don’t know what fear means!”
Eventually, Bokuto chuckled. Akaashi’s laughter could get so contagious. They spent a few seconds laughing under the shade of the summer leaves.
It was relaxing. When their laugher drifted away, slowly dissipating into the humid summer air, Akaashi felt much more in control. Bokuto’s eyes were fixed on him, narrower than usual, smiling.
And now, finally, Akaashi’s feelings found their way naturally through his mouth.
“I love you, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto’s smile turned into a wide, delighted grin.
“Let’s get married, Akaashi!”
“Wait, what?”
Before Akaashi could process what was happening, Bokuto was already wrapping his body with those strong arms, his face finding the curve of Akaashi’s neck, his black-and-white locks caressing Akaashi’s cheeks.
Everything happened so fast that Akaashi couldn’t keep up, but on the back of his mind grew the satisfaction of having acted bravely. His words had broken the spell that kept them apart, and now they were finally together —truly, physically together— and he hoped they would never have to separate again.
There was nothing to regret now, and soon after, his lips met Bokuto’s, sweetly, slowly. He had longed for this moment for years, imagining endless scenarios for the ideal kiss, but nothing could beat reality.
Once their faces separated a few inches, their bodies still pressing against each other, the sweet summer breeze caressed their skins. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds, its rays finding a way through the leaves to decorate the ground with specks of light.
Bokuto didn’t want to let him go, and the tip of his nose caressed Akaashi’s gently.
“I love you too, Akaashi. Let’s not spend another three months away from each other, alright?”
Akaashi smiled. Life was so sweet now.
“Alright, Bokuto-san. But please fix your tie already.”