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“Hyung, can you pick me up? Please, I need you.” His voice cracked and Hoseok heard him sob into the phone. He was still trying to understand the situation, having woken up mere seconds ago. He sat up in his bed, heart racing. “What happened? Are you ok?” Staring into the dark he waited for an answer.
“No." He was wailing. "Can you please come?”
Driving in the middle of the night to pick up Hyungwon, was the last thing Hoseok expected after what happened yesterday.
He furrowed his eyebrows thinking of their argument. Hoseok knew that his boyfriend was cheating on Hyungwon. Their friends knew. Everybody knew. But he didn’t - or he didn’t want to believe it. Hoseok confronted him not being able to see what was going on behind his back. A little argument turned into yelling at each other at some point. He tried to convince him to break up with him. Hyungwon meant so much to him and the last thing he wanted, was to see him getting hurt.
“Please, Hyungwon! I‘m just trying to help! Why can‘t you understand that? You‘re acting like I‘m the bad guy here who wants to see you unhappy.“ He put his hands over his ears not wanting to hear a single word Hoseok was saying - or rather shouting. Yes, Hoseok was getting angry. Angry because he didn’t want Hoseok to help. Angry because he always chose the bad guys over him. Angry because he couldn’t see what Hoseok saw. Angry because he didn’t see the feelings he had for him. Angry because he couldn’t be the person who made him feel loved and happy. Angry because he couldn’t be the person he could rely on. I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt! Hoseok wanted to say but he didn’t. This was not the right time to confess. Not now. Tears were streaming down his face and it hurt him to see Hyungwon so vulnerable, so broken. Hoseok slowly walked up to him and grabbed his wrists, trying to pull his hands off his face but as soon as he touched him, Hyungwon withdrew his hands as if someone had burned him.
“Go. Get out. I need time to think, I need some time alone.“ He didn’t look up a single time, keeping his gaze on the floor and Hoseok let his hands fall down.
“Hyungwon, I-„
„I said get out!“ He was screaming, finally looking up at Hoseok but in his face was nothing to see but pain. His tears didn’t want to stop. His heart ached knowing that he was the reason why Hyungwon was crying. Hoseok gulped and nodded slowly. “Fine.“ It was barely audible and he didn’t know if Hyungwon heard it - not that it mattered.
That night he couldn’t help but cry himself to sleep, hating himself for hurting him.
Hyungwon called Hoseok because he knew that he would be there for him. He had always been, why wouldn’t he be now?
This whole situation was just so messed up but that didn’t mean he didn’t care.
Hoseok, I‘m sorry. You were right. So right. That was the last thing Hyungwon said before he hung up. It was really faint but Hoseok heard every single word and it was already enough to at least assume what happened. The location Hyungwon was at, made him think that he probably went to a club wanting to forget about their argument. He must have seen him there, shoving his tongue down someone else’s throat.
Hoseok already saw him standing in front of the club, arms wrapped around himself - a poor attempt to keep himself warm. He pulled up and quickly grabbed the jacket he told him to bring that was lying on the passenger seat, stepping out off the car and making his way up to him. His face was wet with tears, reminding Hoseok of the day before. It was the same pained expression. He didn’t say a single word and just wrapped the jacket around his shoulders, not bothering to put his arms into the sleeves. Hoseok pulled him into a hug, his grip getting stronger when Hyungwon started sobbing into his chest. Still not saying anything, Hoseok gently pulled him to his car and sat him on the passenger seat carefully, not wanting to be too rough since he looked like he would break any second. He noticed the strong smell of alcohol and cigarettes and couldn’t help but shake his head. "It should have never come this far."
On the whole way to Hyungwon’s apartment he tried to keep his eyes on the road but he couldn’t help it and stole a glance at him, every once in a while. His head was leaning against the cold car window, fogging up whenever he breathed out. His calm breathing was an indication that he was soundly asleep. The corners of Hoseok’s mouth slightly lifting up.
Hoseok put the code in to open the door while he had his right arm wrapped around Hyungwon‘s waist, keeping him close to his body. He couldn’t stand on his own two legs so he tried to not let him collapse on the ground. As soon as they were inside, they made their way upstairs to his bedroom - Hyungwon’s and his boyfriend’s bedroom. He mentally slapped himself for bringing him here. He should’ve taken him to his apartment where he would have been safe. Hyungwon murmured Hoseok’s name in his sleep, making him pause. “I’m here, don’t worry.” They approached his bed and Hoseok laid him down gently, not wanting to wake him up. He pulled off his shoes, letting his clothes on because he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by taking them off and make this situation weird. Before Hoseok left the room, he looked at him. His face was burrowed into his pillow. The light of the bedside lamp illuminated his face. He looked innocent, angelic almost.
He placed a kiss on his forehead and turned around to leave when he felt a loose grip around his wrist. “Stay the night.“ Hyungwon whispered “Please. Don’t leave me alone.” He knew that Hoseok couldn’t stay. What was he supposed to do when his boyfriend would come home? "You know that I can‘t, Hyungwon.“
„Hyung, please.“ He looked up at him, eyes watering. "I need someone right now.“ Hoseok sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. He didn’t think much when he started running his fingers through Hyungwon’s silky hair, brushing it out of his face.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“That I didn’t believe you. I should have. I was so blind.” Hyungwon closed his eyes for a moment and Hoseok thought he fell asleep when he let out a little “I’m so dumb”.
“You are not. Stop saying things like that.” Hyungwon was just staring at the wall. It was silent for a while.
“Can you lay next to me, please?”
“Hyungwon, I don’t think-“ Hoseok stopped mid-sentence and sighed when he saw his pleading look. He shifted to make some space and Hoseok pulled the blanket over them. Hyungwon turned around, laying on his side when he came closer, putting his arm around Hoseok’s waist. “Thank you for taking care of me. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Even if those words didn’t mean a lot to other people, it meant a whole lot to Hoseok. For some reason his heart started beating faster. “Your heart is beating so fast.” Hyungwon mumbled and chuckled. He was thankful that he couldn’t see his flushed cheeks.
“Sometimes I wonder why I always choose complete idiots as my partners, when I could choose you. You were always here for me - and you still are, even after the really bad argument that we had. You care for me when I need you the most. You do everything that he didn’t even do once." He paused, waiting for a reaction but Hoseok remained silent." This is such a weird situation to say it but I always liked you more than a friend, Hoseok. More than a best friend.” Hoseok’s eyes widened and he stopped breathing, his heart threatened to jump out of his chest.
“I like to believe that fate brought us together somehow. I must have did something really big in my past life to deserve someone like you." Hyungwon's fingers were stroking Hoseok's chest. An attempt to keep himself calm. "I like you, Hoseok.”
Those three words caused a tingling feeling on his skin. As much as he wanted to believe him, he knew that it must had been the alcohol in his bloodstream. Hyungwon wasn’t talking to Hoseok, the alcohol was. It made Hyungwon say things that he didn’t mean, that he would never say if he was sober.
Hoseok didn’t expect him to shift, his face now right in front of him. Hyungwon looked him in the eyes as if to ask for consent. When he saw that Hoseok didn’t pull back, he closed the gap between them and put his lips on Hoseok’s. The warm lingering taste of Hyungwon’s mouth on his was driving him crazy. He started moving his lips against his, returning the kiss. It felt great how Hyungwon was hugging him so tightly, how his body was folding into him, the feel of his gentle bites tugging on Hoseok’s bottom lip. Hyungwon pulled back and put his head on his chest. Hoseok knew that he should be happy. This was all he was wishing for, but he knew that Hyungwon was sad and he needed company, and he was everything but sober. He knew that he wasn’t in his right state of mind.
Tomorrow he wouldn’t remember a single word he said. The three words that meant so much to Hoseok would be forgotten in a matter of hours.
When Hoseok woke up, Hyungwon was already wide awake, looking at him with a slight smirk on his lips. He didn’t return the smile and Hyungwon’s face suddenly became so much more serious.
“Hyung? What’s wrong?”
Hoseok looked away, contemplating wether or not to ask him but he knew that the uncertainty would eat him alive.
“You loved me last night but what about today? Did you really mean it, what you said?”
“What- Of course! What made you think that I didn’t mean it?”
“You were pretty drunk.”
“Alcohol doesn’t change my feelings." Hyungwon started running his fingers through Hoseok's messed up hair. Cute, he thought. "I really like you, Hoseok.” Hoseok’s heart jumped and he looked at him, grabbing him by his waist and pulling him closer, nuzzling his face into Hyungwon’s neck.
“You don’t know how happy I am right now.” It came out muffled but he knew that he heard it.
“I do because I am happy, too.”
Hoseok laughed and looked up. A soft smile on Hyungwon’s lips that reached his eyes which were shining with adoration and love.
“I love you so much, Hyungwon.”
“I love you too, Hoseok.”