Work Text:
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare walk away, Deku!”
“Or what?” Izuku snapped, whirling back around to meet Katsuki’s glare with his own. “Or what, Kacchan?”
His chest felt too tight, almost as though he had broken ribs again. It would have been better in so many ways if they were the cause of everything, the difficulty to breathe and the pain splintering him apart. There were so many ways to heal broken ribs and Izuku had dealt with them often enough that he could handle them. Better than a heart shattering like shards of glass thrown against a wall, shards cutting and leaving nothing but blood and wounds that scarred behind.
Katsuki was silent from where he stood on the other side of his living room, arms folded across his chest. The distance between the two of them could have been a whole country rather than a few feet for how close Izuku felt, for how hard it was to talk to Katsuki. It would have been easier for Izuku to reach out and touch the stars.
“Why should I stay?”
When would Izuku stop coming here? Stop taking whatever Katsuki was willing to give? Izuku knew he’d had feelings for Katsuki since childhood and no matter what he did, they didn’t go away. He was Kacchan. That shouldn’t have been an answer, but it was for Izuku. Katsuki smirked, cocky, sure of himself, and so damn handsome and Izuku’s heart fell at Katsuki’s feet. Not that Katsuki noticed or cared, so long as Izuku didn’t say no when Katsuki reached for him with hunger in his eyes. And Izuku hadn’t said no. Hadn’t wanted to say no.
But he wanted so much more than sex. He wanted to wake up together, to watch Katsuki cook and talk about their days and learn to live with each other. He wanted everything and this wasn’t enough anymore. The bruises and cuts on his heart outweighed the moments of pleasure that was always a battle. Izuku hadn’t known a body could sing in pleasure while a heart broke apart, but Katsuki had taught him the lesson well.
Silence stretched between them, unbroken save for the soft rise and fall of their chests. Izuku swallowed hard, his heart squeezing in pain as though trapped in a vice.
“Right.” Izuku felt like he was going to be sick. Something precious- so full of potential and promise that it hurt- was slipping through Izuku’s fingers. There was nothing he could do though, not when Katsuki wasn’t willing to try. Hookups weren’t enough anymore. Izuku would destroy himself if he kept letting it happen, if the passion between them stayed firmly in the sexual realm. He didn’t know how to compartmentalize sex and emotions. Intimacy bled over, blurring the lines and giving way to longing and hope.
It was that hope- bright and warm and shimmering- that would decimate Izuku, a disaster that would leave nothing but fragments in its wake.
Words sat heavy on his tongue and clogged his throat, scrambling to be released, to make Katsuki bleed as badly as he wounded Izuku. Why was it like this? Why was this constant war between them? Was sex really all there was on Katsuki’s side of things? Sometimes Izuku thought so and other times he wasn’t so sure.
What was worse? That Katsuki didn’t want to be with Izuku, that he felt nothing but lust? Or that he did but his pride would forever be more important?
“I guess... “ He drew a deep breath in, Katsuki’s scent settling in his lungs and chest, wrapping around his heart. Izuku was going to miss that scent, smoke and fire with the subtle sweetness. He blinked away tears that stung his eyes. He didn’t want to cry. “Maybe you don’t know why I should stay. Maybe that’s answer enough.”
He turned away again, heart in his throat and eyes locked on the door like it was a lifeline. He didn’t know how much more he could cry over Katsuki, over this relationship that had never been, but he wasn’t going to do it now.
A hand clamped around his wrist and spun him back around with a jerk. Katsuki scowled, his eyes glowing hot coals as he met Izuku’s gaze. “Deku-”
“Let me go, Kacchan,” Izuku said, tone flat. “I’m going home.”
“Shut the fuck up and give me a minute!” Katsuki growled. The hand around Izuku’s wrist tightened, a shackle keeping him there.
“I’ve given you plenty of time!” Izuku hissed through clenched teeth, fury igniting in his veins like a storm. “I’ve given you everything and you just-”
Katsuki hauled Izuku closer and wrapped his free arm around Izuku’s waist, leaving no space between them even as he released Izuku’s wrist. His lips met Izuku’s with a crash of need, desire and fire meeting the contained storm. Izuku wavered for a moment, hands fisting in Katsuki’s shirt in a familiar move. Izuku knew this dance well, had repeated it over and over again. Maybe how they came together was different, but the passion behind it never changed, the push-and-pull a constant pulse beneath Izuku’s skin.
Was Izuku willing to live with scraps of whatever Katsuki gave him?
Not anymore.
Izuku bit down on Katsuki’s lower lip hard enough to draw blood, harsher than he usually was during their time together and desperate to escape. Katsuki pulled back with a foul curse, eyes flashing with anger. “The fuck, Deku?”
“I’m not your sex toy,” Izuku said between gasps for air. “I’m done. Your pride is the only thing you’re going to bed with.”
“Why do you fuckin’ assume that I think that? Why the fuck do you have to-”
“Because I want more than you’re willing to give!” Izuku cut Katsuki off. He took a step back.
Katsuki followed, crowding Izuku against the wall. “Says who? You?”
“You!” Izuku shoved Katsuki. “You did! The only time you want me around is when you want to get laid!”
“Bullshit.” Katsuki bit off the word, but his eyes searched Izuku’s face.
“It’s not.” Izuku sighed, the storm of anger draining away as quickly as it came and leaving him tired. Tired and so very done. “You don’t want me to stay the night. You don’t want to go out. You don’t want me any other time but when I’m in your bed.”
“I want you,” Katsuki murmured, voice rough like he’d been in the heat without water for hours or days. “I never stop wanting you. Miss your stupid laugh and your stupid rambling all the goddamn time. Fuck, Deku. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“Wh-What?” Izuku stammered, eyes widening. He felt dizzy. This wasn’t happening. “You were the one that was silent and…”
“Fuckin’ moron, you know that?” Katsuki leaned closer, eyes pinning Izuku in place. “You don’t stay. You’re gone before I can fuckin’ blink. You wanna go out? Fine, we’ll go out to some overpriced shitty restaurant. I’ll still cook better, but fine. Just say something. You’re just as responsible for keeping us in the bedroom as I am.”
“I-” Izuku started and stopped. “We really suck at this communication thing, don’t we?”
“Guess so.” Katsuki shrugged.
“What do you want, Kacchan?” Izuku murmured, tongue darting out to wet dry lips. His heart hammered in his chest.
“Want you to stay,” Katsuki murmured softly, cheeks a light pink. His lips brushed against the shell of Izuku’s ear as Katsuki leaned forward, trapping Izuku further against the wall. “Just stay.”
“Okay,” Izuku breathed, his heart doing somersaults in his chest. Hope ripping free of the cage he’d built around it. “I’ll stay.”
Katsuki tugged Izuku close again, pressing their bodies flush against one another. “Fuckin’ finally.”