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Weeks ago, if you had told Reed Van Kamp that he would have discovered the identity of his soulmate as a result of excruciating pain, he probably would have laughed and walked away. It wasn’t because he didn’t believe that kind of thing happened – he knew it did. His best friend Kurt met his soulmate Blaine after they were checked into the emergency room with the exact same complaints. His step-brother, Clark, eventually came to the realisation that his soulmate Julian had been by his side for almost a decade after complaining of fatigue and frequent hangovers despite getting plenty rest and avoiding alcohol altogether. It was only recently that Clark managed to pair his symptoms with Julian’s manic schedule, and shortly after discovered Julian had been suffering too.
Reed knew it happened, just not to everyone. His ex-schoolmate David knew he had found his soulmate in Katherine, but was shocked to discover he wasn’t struck down with any effects the way she was with her heart condition. Even his own mother was free from mutual pain with his father – although she claims that was down to them not really being soulmates.
It wasn’t for lack of trying. Reed had dated more than a handful of people – male and female – even felt what he would classify as that connection everyone always said happened, and yet was still to experience any sort of mutual pain. It wasn’t a big deal really, he just figured he was one of the unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on how you looked at it) few who wasn’t ‘blessed’ with the connection. He shouldn’t complain either. Whenever Reed found himself yearning for that person he would just remind himself that asking for pain was sadistic and weird, he shouldn’t want to inflict that on his own body. Besides, Reed seemed to be able to find enough pain by his own means, never mind combined with another person – especially if that person was as clumsy as he was.
Kurt frequently joked that wherever Reed’s soulmate was, he must have developed an impressive pain intolerance to be able to handle Reed’s frequent injuries, and even tried to talk Blaine into an experiment to see if soulmates could get matching bruises. Needless to say Blaine wasn’t on board. Reed’s skin was so commonly peppered with colourful bruises anyway that there was no discernible way to discriminate between bumps acquired of his own accord, and those obtained from a so-called soulmate. Reed wasn’t so morbid that he had given up hope that he would find a soulmate eventually, although he had accepted the realisation that he wasn’t one of the chosen few to share a more intimate connection with their partner.
But all that he thought he knew was shattered the day the twinges started.
They were nothing at first, just an uncomfortable pull in his calf muscle or sudden cramping, but over the course of a few days quickly progressed to shooting stabs throughout his entire leg and aches so painful they almost brought him to tears. Eventually, Kurt forced him to see a doctor, where everything changed in the space of a few minutes.
“Well Mr Van Kamp, I can comfortably say there is nothing wrong with your leg. In fact, you are a prime example of a healthy male for your age.” The physician declared after an anxious wait for numerous test results.
Reed looked between his doctor and Kurt, puzzled by the fact that neither of them looked surprised nor concerned, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. The pain is real; excruciatingly so. And you’re telling me I’m perfectly healthy? I don’t claim to have a medical degree, but even I know that this level of pain isn’t normal”
“Oh no I don’t doubt that your pain is real, Mr Van Kamp. I just don’t think it’s your pain.” Dr Robertson lounged back in his chair and linked his fingers together – the picture of relaxed. Reed stared at him with a frown, struggling to understand, and waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, Reed turned to Kurt and was thoroughly surprised to see his friend wearing a soft, amused smile.
“I think…what Dr Robertson is trying to say Reed, is that the source of the pain is coming from someone else. A specific someone?” Kurt hinted carefully, hoping to nudge Reed in the direction of figuring it out for himself. He watched with amusement as Reed’s brow remained furrowed, his lips pursed in concentration until suddenly his head snapped up, eyes wide and mouth agape.
“You mean…it’s my…I have a…” Reed stumbled over his words, the shock of it all freezing his brain entirely. “Huh.”
Dr Robertson tried to hide his own amusement as he sat forward and smiled at Reed, “It’s the only cause I can attribute your pain to. Medically speaking.”
They left the doctor’s office not long after, Reed having been given a light sedative to try ease some of the pain and information booklets on ‘The Connection’, as they were calling it nowadays. He was mostly quiet on the journey home, oblivious to Kurt’s constant glances from the driver’s seat, too lost in his own thoughts to notice.
So he had one after all – a soulmate, a connection – Reed thought. Who were they? What would they be like? Had they been feeling his pain all this time? Reed suddenly felt very guilty about his clumsiness, and vowed to take be more careful, considering he had someone else to think about now. He had so many questions, and didn’t know where to turn for answers.
Of course, the answer to that one was obvious. Kurt had gone through The Connection process a little over a year ago, and he and Blaine were the role model couple for overcoming the challenges it faced. Once the initial shock had worn off, Reed sheepishly approached them both that evening as they were cuddled on the sofa, and had talked with them about the main issues plaguing his mind.
“I guess there’s really no way of me finding out their identity right? But…how do I know who they are?” he asked nervously, wary of coming off as offensive.
“Are you asking how you figure out if they are male or female?” Blaine offered more clearly. Reed cast his eyes downward but nodded his agreement. Although he couldn’t see it, Blaine smiled. “You don’t. But trust me when I say that when you meet them, that won’t matter.”
Reed looked up in time just to see the soft glance Kurt and Blaine exchanged, before Kurt turned to him with a reassuring smile, “Besides, you’ve never been picky about who you date before. Why would that change now?”
Reed shrugged lightly, looking lost in thought already. “I know. I guess I just want to know something about them. What if I don’t like them? What if I’ve already met them and I’ve brushed them aside or…oh god, what if it’s the guy I turned down at the coffee shop the other week? I was so rude to him!”
Kurt reached over to grab Reed’s hands and stop his fretting, “Hey. Firstly, that guy was a creep, your rudeness was justified. And secondly, stop worrying. Whoever they are, you are going to like them. You wouldn’t be soulmates otherwise.”
Reed glanced between his two friends, still feeling unsettled by the whole thing. “I…I’m scared, Kurt. I didn’t think this was happening to me. I haven’t prepared for it.”
Kurt moved closer to Reed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing soothing circles, “Do you think I was prepared to be rushed into A&E with a supposed appendicitis, even though I had my appendix removed when I was eleven?” he sent a raised eyebrow in Blaine’s direction, who chuckled in response. “You’re never going to be prepared for this, Reed. And I know it’s scary, but you don’t have to do it alone.”
Blaine shuffled a little closer too, bumping shoulders with Reed. “Kurt’s right. We’re here for you; we’ll help you figure it all out. But tonight, I think you need some sleep. It’s a lot to take in.”
As if on cue, a large yawn threatened to break free from Reed’s jaw, but he supressed it in protest. “Yeah. Sleeping for two now, I guess. Although somehow I doubt I’ll get much rest.”
“You’re Connected, Reed, not pregnant.” Kurt said sarcastically, earning a frown from Blaine.
“Goodnight, guys.” Reed said with finality as he headed for the stairs.
Over the following weeks, Reed found himself paying an unusual amount of attention to his body. Every morning he would stand naked in front of his full length mirror and analyse his skin, checking for new bumps or bruises or…he wasn’t really sure what he was checking for, actually. But every day, the only blemishes were of his doing. He could account for them all, because he had been extra vigilant with his actions, trying not to be so clumsy and taking care to avoid injury-prone activities. Only once had he majorly failed in that, and really it wasn’t his fault anyway, although he would never let Kurt hear him say that. After yet another cleaning spree, Kurt had tidied some of Reed’s painting supplies at the top of the cupboard in their hallway and, not wanting to disturb Kurt in his office, Reed decided to simply retrieve them on his own. It turned out not to be a simple task, and ended up with the entire shelf collapsing on top of Reed’s small body, littering his chest in a multitude of obscurely shaped bruises.
That night after a thorough lecture from Kurt to ask for help next time dummy, Reed lay awake in bed and experienced the more pleasant side to The Connection. Unable to sleep, he stared at the ceiling and contemplated redecorating yet again. The ache over his chest was dull but present, and he mentally berated himself again for his own stupidity. The bruises were already purpling, and without knowing why, he experimentally prodded at one on his side. Rather unsurprisingly, he winced, but the sensation was quickly overpowered by another, stranger feeling. It was odd at first, and Reed couldn’t quite pinpoint what exactly it felt like, but the longer it continued the more pleasant it felt. He raised a hand to stroke his curls back, and in that moment could identify the sensation all over his torso.
Fingertips. Hands. Caressing his skin in all the places the bruises throbbed. If he closed his eyes and relaxed into the feeling, he could swear there was someone in bed beside him. The invisible movements continued well into the night, covering every inch of his exposed skin in soft strokes and sweeps, almost as if a thousand paintbrushes were being dragged across his body simultaneously. It was endlessly relaxing to Reed, and although at the time he could not explain it, he drifted off to a peaceful sleep with a soft smile.
Reed told Kurt about the mysterious sensation the following morning. He explained happily that sometimes The Connection is not all about pain, and that whoever they were, Reed’s soulmate must have felt his pain and wanted to make him feel better. Reed felt horrendously guilty about being the source of the pain, but Kurt eased him by telling him that when he thought about Blaine and had nothing else on his mind, he and Blaine could share sensations other than pain. Kurt didn’t elaborate much more than that – claiming that he didn’t want to spoil Reed’s journey through discovery of The Connection – but the glint in his eye and smirk on his face made Reed think that the sensations Kurt were describing were the direct opposite of pain.
A week passed for Reed with no pain whatsoever – his own or any other – and although he was grateful for the reprieve, he also found himself missing the sensation of being Connected. I knew this was totally sadistic, he would remind himself frequently. Exactly one week and two days since his last moment of Connection, Reed woke up to an almighty back ache which extended all the way down his previous troublesome leg and up through his neck. He gingerly manoeuvred out of bed and to his closet, opting for the comfiest clothes he could find. The firework that shot straight down his spine when he bent to pull his socks on was painful enough to cause him to cry out, mostly in shock, but also discomfort.
Kurt poked his head around the doorframe, slight concern etched on his features, “Everything alright? That sounded painful.”
“Yeah. I’m just wondering if this soulmate is an eighty year old, because this back pain is unreal.” Reed replied with a groan.
Kurt chuckled slightly, “That would make for an interesting twist, wouldn’t it? Well, Blaine and I are going shopping today, if you want to tag along the offer is there.”
Reed winced just at the thought. “No thanks. I have something else planned for today, actually. I’m going to try that whole relaxed Connection thing you were talking about.”
“Care to elaborate?” Kurt quizzed with a raised eyebrow.
“No, not really.” Reed countered with a smirk. “At least, not now anyway.”
“Alright. Well no drinking or drugs! You know how that turned out for Derek Seigerson.” Kurt warned, although he still wore a soft smile.
Five minutes into the massage, Reed knew that this was a great decision. The room was dull, not dark enough that he couldn’t see, but the lights low enough to lull him into an almost-sleepy state. The smell of lavender flooded around him, the only sensations relevant were the ever so soft cotton sheets around his midriff and the kneading hands of the masseuse. Reed had instructed her on the areas he felt needed most attention, and she was blissfully working her way down his spine and hips, and would be working down his affected leg momentarily.
Reed closed his eyes and focused on clearing his mind, methodically boxing everything away to think about later, and only allowed thoughts about his body to freely float in and out. He followed the movements of the masseuse as she reached his thigh, felt every individual fingertip as it dug deeply into the muscle and worked away the tightness. Her thumbs worked circles into the back of his knee and down his calf, relieving tension Reed didn’t even know he had. His breath was coming in long, drawn out puffs. Everything was relaxed. And yet, nothing was happening. No strange sensations, no unexplainable feelings. Reed tried not to be disappointed, the massage was still blissful, but he couldn’t help feeling like there was something missing.
An hour later and Reed found himself perched on a low wall outside the cutest coffee shop he could find, waiting to meet with Kurt and Blaine post-shopping spree. He swung his feet aimlessly, noting with relief the lack of pain coursing through his nerves with each movement, but again experiencing an almost longing for…something. Someone. Shaking himself free of his thoughts he waved to Kurt and Blaine as they approached, and gently leapt to the ground.
He couldn’t have been more than a foot off the ground. But the searing pain that scorched through his body the instant his feet touched the ground would have suggested he jumped from a much larger height. Reed cried out in pain and grabbed for his knee, the fiery source of the inferno pulsing along his every nerve. Everything around him blurred slightly, bright white spots dotting his vision and his hearing dulled, almost as if he were submerged in water. He was sure Kurt was calling out to him, thought he could feel multiple sets of hands holding him steady and trying to get his attention, but only one stood out. Although Reed’s hands were balled into tight fists, he could feel a pair clutching onto them just as tightly, and he knew they didn’t belong to any one of the bodies hovering over him.
The last thing Reed Van Kamp saw before he blacked out was a face. An expertly carved face framed with the most beautiful head of soft, dark curls Reed had ever laid eyes on. But the expression on this face was not soft: it was contorted in pain with eyes screwed shut, tears spilling out of their corners, and mouth agape in a way that Reed could imagine the gut-wrenching screams pouring out of it.
The blinding white light persisted even after Reed awoke, groggy and dazed in a bed that didn’t feel like his own. He groaned a little and let his head flop to the side as his eyelids slowly fluttered open. His mouth felt dry, but at least the pain was gone. Everything still felt a little fuzzy even as Kurt’s face filled his visual field.
“Hey. You’re awake.” He said quietly, relief evident on his features.
“’m sleepy…” Reed murmured, trying to wet his lips and remember how to form words, “What…what happened?”
“You passed out. The doctors can’t really explain why other than your body was so overwhelmed by The Connection that it just shut down. They gave you a sedative to keep it to a minimum.” Blaine explained carefully from where he stood behind Kurt, a hand resting on his shoulder reassuringly.
“Connection…right. But the massage it…it didn’t work. I didn’t feel anything until…” Reed trailed off, and then suddenly felt more alert. He tried to sit upright, grasping at Kurt’s hand frantically. “Kurt, Kurt, I saw him Kurt. I saw him! He…god, what did he look like? I don’t remember what he looked like, why don’t I remember? All I remember is that he was beautiful. But he was in pain.” Reed didn’t miss the glance Kurt and Blaine shared during his ranting, and opted to call them out on it immediately. “What? What am I missing?”
They shared another long glance, appearing to undertake an entire conversation in complete silence. Blaine shrugged slightly, a small optimistic smile on his face before they both turned back to him. “We…have a theory. About what happened and…who it might be.”
“A very far-fetched theory. From someone who has had a lot of thinking time today.” Kurt said warily. Reed kept his eyes on Blaine however, urging him to continue.
Blaine sat on the edge of the bed and took Reed’s hand, watching him closely. “Shortly after we arrived here with you, I got a call from my Mom. She told me my brother, Shane, had had an accident in his dance studio and was on his way to the hospital too. When she described his injury…it sounded exactly like yours.” He was speaking slowly and carefully, making sure Reed understood what he was saying. “Now we haven’t spoken to any of the doctors but…Mom says he’s been getting random bumps and bruises recently too.”
“And we don’t think it’s just a coincidence.” Kurt finished for him.
Reed looked between them both as he processed what they were insinuating. It was a crazy theory, sure, but if it could at least give him part of an answer… “What does he look like?” he asked Blaine carefully.
With a smile Blaine reached to Reed’s bedside cabinet and picked up the TV remote, flicking through a few channels until he found a news station. He gestured for Reed to watch the screen, and gave him some space as the news reporter started to cover a new story.
‘Newly scouted dancer Shane Anderson – career over before it started?’ the headline read. Reed listened carefully as the presenter reported the details of Shane’s accident. During a practice for his upcoming show Shane had collapsed in pain at his dance studio, and was currently receiving treatment for an as of yet unspecified injury, although it could be exclusively revealed that the future of his career was in jeopardy. Reed didn’t hear much after that, because the story began to feature videos of Shane dancing and a string of pictures of him grinning happily into the camera, and Reed’s heart dropped into his stomach.
He stared wide-eyed at the TV, mouth agape and not even breathing until the feature ended.
“That’s him. Shane Anderson. He’s…he’s my soulmate.”