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Exhale.
She watched the cloud of smoke disperse and merge with its grey surroundings. It strained to rise in the air, like an angel with broken wings, and vanished by the time she took another puff.
Another exhale.
The metallic, bland sky and the dirt roads expanded before the girl’s feet. It would go on for miles and miles, like a never ending stream with no purpose. For long minutes, her eyes were fixed in the same position, almost like she was put in a trance by her unchanging setting. Everything looked the same to her; the colour, the taste, the smell… they were all the same. After a final exhale, she leaned back and rested both hands on the hood of her vehicle. Looking up, she basked in the sun’s non-existent rays. Her eyes closed and her cigar bud shrunk with time. There wasn’t anything in particular to think about. Her restless mind wandered; one minute she’d visualise an all-you-can-eat buffet where she could fill herself to the brim. Another minute she’d imagine being coddled by an older woman-- any woman. It changed like the wind’s direction on a cold winter’s day; never staying in one place unlike the unmoving scenery. It’s fine like this , she thought. Maybe this was a reflection of her as a person; a person who couldn’t stay in the same place despite everyone else finding somewhere to call home.
Was it fine like this?
Just a little longer… she thought. If she could stay like this- if she could carry on feeling the unpassionate embrace of the stale air, just a little longer, she wouldn’t mind that at all. At least, this way she would feel like she had a place to belong. However, that wasn’t the case. She could already hear her thumping heart urging her to move on and let go. It seemed she was already tired of this common view and was ready to go fourth wherever her ship would take her. Opening her eyes again, she saw how nothing had changed. It’s always like this.
She threw the dying cigar bud onto the floor and put it out with a small step. As she readied herself to get onto her rusty, battered vehicle, something out of the blue emerged. It was almost like it was on cue; a calling from the Gods above. A vibrant, red sports car burst into the scene. Inside, was an angelic figure whose golden locks swayed to the breeze the car picked up along the way. Suddenly, the persistent scenery underwent a change. A little speck of colour was finally brought to life. The red sports car shone boldly; it shone brighter and bigger than the sun. The angel’s honey-golden hair stood out like a deer amongst wolves. The other girl imagined how it would feel to just run your fingers through that pool of gold. It was all she could think about now, and it stayed on her mind for a few minutes- the longest anything has ever stuck with her. She longed to see the angel’s eyes, for it was shielded by thick, black glasses making it difficult to see what she was feeling. She wondered what look the angel could have worn on her face. Caught off-guard by the angel’s appearance, she failed to notice how the car stopped right in front of her. The driver didn’t mutter a word; her car was stationary, as if it was waiting for something- or someone.
Perhaps, it was waiting for her.
She finally broke her gaze and realised the changes around her. Not only did her surroundings change, but so did the thumping in her heart. Her heart seemed to batter against her ribcage more determined than ever. It yearned for something, and the girl had to decide if she were to fulfill her heart’s wishes.
So she made her choice.
And she did.
As if the angel and the girl knew each other for years, she leaped over the car door and settled herself into the car seat. From the corner of her eyes, she saw the angel smirk. Unsure whether it meant something, she couldn’t help but smile too. The stationary car soon started to move again and the girl’s heart was finally at ease.
For what seemed like hours, the two travelled in silence. Nothing but the noise of the howling wind danced around the girl’s ears. It’s fine like this, she thought . With things being the way they are now, she could focus on the view around her- and the view beside her. The dirt roads unravelled to reveal the same sight she saw back there, but as she focused a little more, she noticed the small changes. Each tree they went passed had a different shape; some trunks would twist and intertwine with each other whilst others never met. Above them, a single Robin flew passed. It’s tiny wings spread out and fluttered back and forth as if it were competing with the car itself. Of course, the car sped up, and soon the Robin was nowhere in sight. A gentle hum overpowered the howling wind. At first, she thought it was the Robin’s melody but from the direction of the noise, it seemed to have come from the lady beside her. The sweet tune that escaped from the lady’s lips sounded familiar; a sound that sent tingles down her spine, making her crack a small smile. It was a tune that invited warmth, and the warmth welcomed her with open arms telling her, ‘you have a place where you belong’.
“That song…” The girl said, breaking the comfortable silence, “what is it?”
The humming then stopped, and there were no words exchanged for a while. Perhaps she was thinking about her response.
“Are you talking about this common tune? It has quite a common name.” The lady finally replied.
“Which is?”
“Julia.”
That name resonated with the girl; she must have heard it before. She couldn’t help but whisper it to herself- Julia , almost as if it were a magical spell capable of easing her troubles.
“Then, what’s your name?” The girl glanced at the lady in the driver’s seat.
“It is a name as common as that song.” She smiled, “and yours?”
“A common name too. Faye. Faye Valentine.” she replied.
Faye saw Julia’s mouth open a little, as if she wanted to say something. But she remained quiet and carried on humming the song, Julia .
It was a sweet song. A song that made Faye feel at home. How does that feel for a person struggling to find a place where they belong? She closed her eyes and let Julia’s voice envelope her in a warm embrace. Her voice was soft and gentle- as gentle as an angel’s wings. She wondered how she ended up in such a bizarre situation: here she was, in a red sports car of a mysterious woman, travelling somewhere that she had no clue about. Where were they going anyway? The road continued to extend, it was almost as if they were trying to reach the end of a never ending waterfall. She wasn’t so sure if they were even moving at this point, everything felt too unreal… too dream-like.
“Hey… why did you pick me up?” Faye said.
Suddenly, the car jolted and came to a stop. Faye felt her heart beating faster, probably feeling a sense of rush at their sudden halt. She looked at Julia with a confused expression on her face.
“Why did you stop?” Faye questioned, shifting her body slightly until she was facing Julia.
“You asked me why I picked you up.” Julia answered, ignoring Faye’s other question, “I wanted to know if the fairy I saw at the other side of the road was real.”
Faye was lost. What Julia was saying did not make sense to her.
She hesitated, “Well. Was she real?”
In that moment, Julia took off her glasses and pushed them upwards where they lay on her head. Faye saw her blue eyes glisten. It was nothing like she expected. She thought her eyes may have hidden something about Julia, but the truth was, it didn’t. Her eyes were as clear as crystal, and there was nothing special about it. However, as her piercing blue eyes met with Faye’s, she felt her heart skip. Just when she thought her heart has finally calmed down, it started thumping again- yearning for something.
Julia moved closer to Faye, stopping at a point where the tips of their noses just about touched. Julia had no scent, Faye detected. There was nothing distinctive about her, she was just ordinary . An ordinary woman with ordinary eyes and an ordinary scent. Still, she couldn’t help but feel Julia’s dominating presence overtake hers. Maybe it’s because she was now right in her face, but Faye could not think of anything else at that moment.
“She was real. Very real.” Julia whispered.
Faye’s mind went blank. They were so close now they could practically kiss. She felt Julia’s breath tickle the hairs on her face. It wasn’t a bad feeling, she thought. She wouldn’t have mind staying like this.
But then, Julia slowly moved away. She broke her gaze with Faye and readjusted herself into the driver’s seat. Faye also sat up and averted her eyes. She couldn’t believe Julia had the power to captivate her like that, her cheeks warmed up a little, turning a rosy pink.
“Is there some place you would like to go?” Julia said, starting the car.
Faye was caught off-guard once again, but this time by Julia’s voice.
“Nowhere in particular.” She replied as calmly as she could.
“Then, that’s where we’ll go.”
The car started moving again but this time it was much faster than before. Faye’s surroundings were all a grey blur and she could no longer see clearly. The wind aggressively growled at her and she felt the cool breeze collide with her cheek, wearing away the pink colour that formed previously.
She glanced at Julia, who was unfazed by the speed and the wind. She saw her eyes narrow, staying fixated on the road ahead. She had no idea why they were suddenly in a hurry but she decided to leave things the way they were, besides, it’s fine like this , she thought. Even though they have not spent a lot of time together, Faye felt comfort around her; a feeling she thought she would never experience. Maybe it was because of Julia’s nonchalant demeanour, or mysterious aura, but she didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps knowing so little about Julia helped her feel that comfort and she couldn’t have asked for any more.
Eventually, the car stopped again. It was much smoother compared to last time. Faye saw Julia’s slender fingers lose its grip on the wheel.
“Why did you stop here?” Faye asked.
“Because,” she paused, “the car has reached its limit.”
“What, is it broken? I may know some people who can help with that.”
The car certainly didn’t look broken, but Faye didn’t understand the way Julia was speaking. Everything she said left a bittersweet taste in her mouth.
“No, there’s no need. Besides, it’s fine like this, right?” Julia wore a small smile before stepping out of the car.
What did she mean it was fine like this? With the car “broken” how would they go back? Faye also followed Julia and left the car. She failed to realise the change in her surroundings; right now, they were near the edge of a cliff. The sky had darkened slightly and she saw that giant ball of fire slowly descending.
“Where are we?” Faye looked back at Julia who responded by pointing to the sky. She watched her long fingers curl and she couldn’t help but follow with her eyes.
The sun was sinking. Faye’s mouth was slightly aghast for it was a sight she had never seen before. As she felt herself getting lost in the moment, she suddenly felt a cool touch on her forearm, lunging her forwards. It was Julia. Julia’s touch left Faye’s hairs to stand on end. Her touch was smooth and left a burning sensation against her skin. Julia began to run, dragging Faye behind her, eventually stopping at the very edge of the cliff.
Now, the descending sun was directly in their peripheral vision. She saw the ball of fire shine passionately and brighter than it ever did before. It looked so different from when it was just above their heads. Standing face to face, Faye was able to take in the beauty. The sun dragged the skies down, causing it to go dim every second. Something about this scenery was moving, it caused Faye’s heart to feel a light pang. She was uncertain whether the view made her feel this way, or if it was Julia’s sudden bold movements.
“Faye.” Julia said, “where do you think the sun is going?”
Faye didn’t reply for she had no idea how to. She stayed silent, despite Julia calling out to her.
“I think…” Julia continued, “it’s on its way home.”
Faye couldn’t help but let out a small scoff, out of all the things Julia has said today, that must be the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.
“It’s not going anywhere… it’s still here. Just not in sight. There is no home for it to go back to.” Faye said.
Julia let out a visible sigh. She wasn’t sure whether Julia was disappointed in her answer or was just tired.
“You think so? How about you? Do you have someplace to go back to?” Julia’s hold on Faye’s arm tightened, as if she was comforting her in a way.
“Home…” She whispered, “I don’t know if my ‘home’ will be there forever. I’m kind of running away at the moment.” Faye laughed. Speaking aloud what she thought felt a little silly to her, and she soon started to notice how silly her thoughts were.
“Why? You don’t like your home?”
“That’s not it. Maybe I just wanted a change.”
As the sun was no longer in sight, silence overfell the two girls. They both carried on looking out at the distance, like something would have appeared right at that moment.
“I see.” Julia broke the silence, “you really are like a fairy.” She looked straight at Faye who still had her eyes searching for the sun that disappeared.
“Hey… why do you keep calling me that?” Faye questioned.
“Isn’t it just similar to how you always call me an angel?” Julia chuckled.
Faye felt heat rise to her cheek, “Hold on, I’ve never called you an angel…”
“Oh? But aren’t you always thinking that?”
Did Julia just read her thoughts? Faye felt embarrassment rise from the pits of her stomach, how did Julia know such a thing? She turned her head to see Julia gazing lovingly at her. It made her feel warm, a little embarrassed, but definitely warm inside.
“But anyway, change is good. I may also be looking for a change.”
In that moment, a thought arose in Faye’s head.
“Then, how about it, we partner up and find this… change together.”
Julia let out a laugh. It was a laugh that made someone feel good; a laugh that made someone feel accomplished.
“That’s not a bad idea you know.” Julia said, wiping a fake tear from her eye, “tell you what, if you find me again, ask me to be your partner one more time.”
“What do you mean? Are you leaving?” Faye asked.
“Time is almost over.” Julia replied.
Once again, Julia’s words played with Faye’s mind. She had no idea what she meant by that, but if it meant she had to go someplace else, how were they supposed to travel if the car wasn’t working?
“It’s a good place to end.” Julia walked towards Faye, once again the tips of their noses touching. Her voice, now almost a whisper, “would you accept this parting gift?”
Faye looked down at Julia’s hands, one which still held onto her. The other hand was completely empty; there was nothing to give. What parting gift?
Then she knew.
As Julia pulled her closer, completely erasing any space between them, she placed a deep, dreamy kiss onto Faye’s lips. She felt as if she could hear Julia’s thoughts, ‘this parting gift’ it said.
The kiss was long and passionate. Faye felt Julia’s body heat exchange with hers. Even though the weather wasn’t cold at all, she never felt warmer being with Julia. Her hands wandered on Julia’s back, holding her tight, like she was her lifeline. Julia’s hand trailed downwards, gripping onto Faye’s hips. They were locked onto each other and at this point, they couldn’t separate.
Faye felt her eyes closing. If we could stay like this, just a little longer, she thought.
She didn’t want it to end.
“I’ll see you soon, Faye.”
But all good things come to an end.
Julia’s warm touch was disappearing like an ongoing sunset. Her warm lips soon lost its heat, and suddenly, Faye felt cold.
She slowly opened her eyes.
There, in front of her was the same view. A long dirt road and a darker metallic sky. Her body was still resting against the ship, and her cigar bud has now shrunken so much, it was now in line with her index and middle finger. Nothing has changed.
Was she… dreaming? A sheer look of confusion took over her face. Does that mean Julia was all in her head? An angel she dreamt about?
That wasn’t possible.
Everything felt too real. Julia’s voice, Julia’s touch, Julia.
“Pathetic.” Faye sighed.
She threw the cigar onto the floor, grinding it into the dirt. It wasn’t fine like this.
Climbing onto her ship, she hummed a familiar tune. She knew this was not the end, for the golden woman was now the only thing she could think of. If she was real, if her experience with Julia was real, she knew she’d find her.
As her ship took off, blending in with the colourless skies, she went on another journey. Uncertain on where she would end up, she still ventured onwards. Unbeknownst to her, a small red car trekked alongside the dirt road.
Another familiar tune was sung.