Chapter Text
He should have known
Yes
He should have
It’s quite interesting, really. Human nature is very interesting in itself. We never think that misfortune, some kind of disaster and misadventure could happen to us. We never think that one day we might get in a car accident, get bankrupt, get in a hospital or even die. We never do. But we think the same things about the others, AND the others think the same about the rest. And the funny thing is, the “rest” is actually us.
Logically, after all the shit that happened in his life, he SHOULD have known that something else was going to happen too, that it wasn’t going to happen to any other person.
And he calls himself a “Futurist” (Pathetic)
He’s sure that even if he had known that something WAS going to happen, he wouldn’t have known that it was going to be this, that it was going to break every level of DISGUSTING that he has ever seen. He was very familiar with the concept of betrayal. All the lessons he had learnt were bitter, but they gave their fruit.
But even with all the experience he had had with it, he was TOTALLY unprepared for this. His mind still couldn’t take it even now.
He was mentally broken. (Physically too, you dumbass…)
He didn’t make friends easily, almost everyone familiar with him knows that. He needed time to come out of his “shell”, break it and show the real him. Not all of the avengers saw the man underneath the bravado, after everything that has happened, the ones that didn’t never will…
And now. One of the few persons he opened up to. One of the few persons he has actually trusted! TOOK THAT TRUST… a~nd…
No… no.
He didn’t throw it in the mud.
He took it, and he threw it into the most fiery acid that has ever existed. An acid that burnt and perished everything it came in contact with. No going back. If you’re fast enough you can get the burnt and mutilated pieces out, but never put them together again.
Though that doesn’t matter now, does it?
Too late.
Steve beat him up black and blue. (Blue and red will be more accurate)
Cruelly. Coldly.
He did this all. Killed police officers, spit in the face of 117 countries, fought his teammates, heck, even took his other teammates to fight with the others, made us fight each other like dogs. He dumped a tunnel on civilians. CIVILIANS. Innocent people that were driving home from work or going to meet their parents, their children, their girlfriends and boyfriends. There were kids in there that either will never see the light of day again, or will be traumatized from being under the rubble for so long. Not to mention the injuries, how many crippled…
He did this
For a brainwashed
HYDRA
Assassin…
For a killer
For the MURDERER of his parents.
Oh God… his parents.
Just thinking about it now was making Tony ashamed in himself. His Father, his poor father. Half of Tony’s life passed in a bitter lie. All this time he hated, outright loathed his father. Yes, they never got along, his father never paid attention or praised him but… it was never so bad for him to hate Howard. After the “accident” he blamed him, he blamed his father for taking his mother from him. One of the few things that could’ve brought him happiness. His sweet, innocent mother. He would give anything just to feel her hug one more time. That warmness and love that radiated from her, to feel the tender kisses to his forehead.
He loved his mother.
Howard never sugarcoated anything, he showed Tony every mistake he had made, criticized and advised him how to improve them. Tony didn’t like that much, he wanted approval, he wanted his father to be proud of him (He always was) so he tried harder and harder, but something always lacked. He may have gotten it one day. He may have…
Something rang in his ear. It felt like someone came up to him, close and personal, and put his mouth into his ear. For a moment he thought he felt the wetness of the “one’s” mouth.
“Every person to whom you give your trust, you also give a sword. He can either protect you with it or destroy you”
A shiver went down his spine. It was Howard’s voice. He heard those words and forgot them instantly, now he wished he hadn’t. He gave his trust to too many people. Why’d he trust Natasha again? I mean, trust is like virginity, you lose it once and forever. Something went horribly wrong. He went soft.
He forgot Obie.
And now look at him. Cast and forgotten by most of his “trusted ones”
Did they ever even consider him a teammate?
Trust is a two way bridge. Was he naive enough to consider that they trusted him?
All the salty faces he got after Ultron. How everyone seemed to flinch and get nervous when he mentioned that he was going into his workshop. How they stopped thanking him for all the new weapons and upgrades he did. It all came back and hit him full force. Like a bullet through the chest and out. Maybe it would’ve been better if he was shot, because comparably this hurt more.
Was he really that insignificantly to them? So small, so tiny that they could throw him under the bus and step over his broken and twisted corpse like it was an everyday routine for them?
He was dust that was thrashed from a coat. (Not a question anymore~?)
(What if it was a daily routine for them?)
It makes sense. He dealt with the press, Organized their PR, gave them a place to live, money and tech, He took the falls when their missions went wrong. Always the scapegoat. If something goes wrong then blame Tony. Everyone is just so sure that he had a hand in every bad thing, every catastrophe that happened these days. It was funny at first, but then it became worse, and worse, and worse.
An interesting thought surfaced in his mind. He always tried to make the world a better place, but when life just keeps beating him down, then maybe his views of life do not match reality.
He’d been lured into a trap. SHIELD has known all his weaknesses and desires. They knew he just wanted to be accepted.
Acceptance
It brought a frozen smile onto his face.
A face that ain’t gonna be so pretty anymore.
The concrete on which he was laying was cold. He may be in his suit but the cold radiating from the floor combined with the fact that he was in a frozen tundra: Siberia, made his ears tingle.
His suit was mutilated and a big shield shaped Grand Canyon flaunted in the thoracic part of his suit.
It was made by the same shield that is stuck in the cold concrete in 2 millimeters from his nose. It’s just stuck there like a damn Ferris Wheel. All red and blue and shiny. And he looks at it. Wide eyed and shaky breathed, but he can’t look away.
The bottom part of the shield that’s stuck in the floor is splattered with blood and… is that skin?
Oh… yeah…
How had this happened again?
(You’re smart, remember)
The fog in his head didn’t give any indications of ceasing. Just clicks and ticks here and there. (Like the sound that Geiger counter makes, hmph. Is that your mind breaking?~)
Yeah, let’s remember.
* * *
He watched the tape in silence. He never really felt so many emotions conflicting with each other in his body before. Was he going to explode?
Tony’s body didn’t move. His thoughts preoccupied with the choking sounds his mother was making while the Winter Soldier was breaking her neck. Her screams…
He found the courage to look at Steve and he saw something there that he didn’t like. He wasn’t surprised nor he was horrified at what he saw.
Bad thoughts began surfacing in his mind while he was staring. He began to feel hot all over and barely held his shaking limbs in place. He had to know.
“Did you know?” The words left his mouth like venom drooling from one’s mouth.
“I didn’t know it was him” Tony clenched his jaw at the excuse and tensed all over because it was an answer on his own.
“Don’t bullshit me Rogers. Did. You. Know.” He knew the answer, but he really wanted to cling into the little piece of hope he had left.
“Yes” something shattered.
Steve knew…
A shiver ran through his whole body starting from his heart.
Anger, Hurt and malice filled him
Fury surged through him like molten lava, through his brain, his bones and into his every cell. His chest burst in flames that was fueled by his fury. A fire storm arose in his soul that burnt to ashes every rational thought he had along with the bridges that he had built with Rogers.
He glanced at Barnes for a second. Oh, how he wanted to see his crushed skull under his feet, his bloodied face and brains splattered on the walls. He wanted to kill him with the painfullest way possible. Maybe skin him alive and turn him inside out. Maybe torture him with his Soldier coding, put him on a stake, torture him with water, beat him up till he has no clean skin on his body. And he wanted to do this in front of Steve’s eyes, to show him what happens to traitors, he wanted him to watch his friend be tortured and die. To hear him beg for forgiveness.
These thoughts scared him for a moment. Where had all the violence come from? But he was too angry to think about it any longer.
He lashed out.
A strike after a strike. Metal to metal. Screech and sparks.
Every hit was strong and brutal. None holding back.
He tried to inflict as much pain as possible.
For a second he doubted himself. What was he doing? What was he going to do?
Oh, what a mistake. Steve saw his doubt and tackled him to the ground. Such a dick move.
He hit him with the shield over and over. He felt his ribs snap, his suit buckle under the pressure and metal enter his chest cavity. Steve shoved his shield into his reactor. Tony’s heart almost stopped and it would’ve stopped if he hadn’t taken it out years earlier. It was over, he couldn’t move, they could’ve ended this right then and there. (You really believed that?)
Steve didn’t stop. He began attacking his helmet.
He hit him over
(Oh God, he’s not stopping)
And over
(He’s gonna kill me)
And over
(I’m going to die here)
And over again.
His helmet broke and exploded through the bunker like shrapnel from one of his bombs.
Tony made a disgusting wet noise from that last hit.
That noise woke Steve up. He looked at Tony with wide eyes (two lil ice cubes) and held onto the shield like it was the savior himself that came down from heaven to protect him. And Tony saw the devil in that shield as it was hanging right above his head.
Before he understood what he was doing the shield came down. Steve coming to his senses tried to move the trajectory of the hit as much as he could, but still not enough…
Tony felt that. That Pain. He felt the shield go through his cheek and cut through skin and muscle. Many would compare it with butter and knife, but it was more like a jagged knife against a bread.
Tony’s head sharply turned left. Hitting the floor and probably cracking his cheekbone. Blood, saliva and mucus splashed to the ground (like the bread crumbs?)
The sound of the shield crashing into the ground stunned him for a moment. He tried to lift his hands and bring them to his mouth but they just jumped up and down like on the strings of an inexperienced puppeteer.
‘What’s happening?’
His vision was strongly blurred. Either from the raging pain or the fresh tears he couldn’t decide. He didn’t know, he couldn’t think. The only thought surfacing in his brain (its resembling mashed potatoes more at this point) was a hopeless and slightly insane
‘WHAT’S HAPPENING?’
Steve woke from the daze. Looked at his handiwork and turned to the “precious”
Barnes looked at Steve and then at Tony
“What’d you do?!”
Steve panicked and began looking around, tossing and turning like something was going to come out of the ceiling and attack him.
Hi dropped a shuddered breath and stood up.
Tony was still facing the shield. Unmoving.
“Let’s get out of here”
“But what about him?” Barnes at least seemed to think with his head.
“He’ll find a way out” Barnes wasn’t so sure and looked unconvinced but decided to follow Steve’s logic. After all Steve knows him better. And they retreated
That’s what happened.
He chuckled. A spasm of pain exploded on his face, but he couldn’t hold it in. After all life has never joked on him so hard, so why not laugh at it? That’s the least he can do.
He knew he was gonna die here, but he couldn’t make himself lose the smile. He’s sure that FRIDAY sent a SOS message to Rhodey and Pepper, but they won’t make it in time, nobody will.
It pains him to do this to his friends, his real friends, but he was tired, exhausted and wanted to rest.
He just wanted to die. For the pain to be over.
He found the release joints on his suit and opened it. At least like this he’ll die faster.
He was already pretty confused and shivering of cold. His movements were slow and labored.
His hands pale and shaking.
His ribs hurt, his head hurt, his legs hurt, but his face was worst of it all. A stabbing, cutting pain engulfed his whole face, as if someone had accidentally desided to skate on it.
He fell to the floor. His shivering increased and he couldn’t think, his thoughts too sluggish to make sense. Blood began pooling around his head, some getting into his throat that made Tony gag and choke on his spit and blood.
He felt his heart getting slower and slower.
He felt dizzy as if he was running along in someone else’s body
He closed his eyes and took his last breath.
Tony Stark died alone in an abandoned HYDRA bunker in Siberia miles away from his home and loved ones.