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Published:
2018-07-07
Updated:
2019-08-30
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3,134
Chapters:
2/?
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31
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171
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Dysfunctional

Anonymous

Summary:

Ayano Aishi had two desires. One: Taro Yamada. And two: to not want Taro Yamada.

Really, it all blended down to the fact that she wanted to fit in, to be normal. And for the first time, a female Aishi descendant may be able to accomplish that, to pull away from her destiny for ages.

Notes:

anyway, just wanna say that after i write this fic, and possibly another story, then i think i'm actually gonna be done with the yan sim fandom. it's been a real fun time, but i'm gonna try to move on. i'll still follow yan sim updates but not much anymore. thank you though!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Mother always said I came from a line of strong women. Quite frankly, I never got to ask her in what way that we were strong. Perhaps she left it vague and ambigious on purpose. But really, I don't actually have to ask; I think we both secretly know in what way she meant that phrase. It's no secret that Mother always had a stash of old newspapers locked up in a chest that no one was supposed to touch. She seemed to enjoy keeping those newspapers as a reminder of something. No one is even supposed to know that it's even there. But it is there. I've seen the papers for myself. They all cover the court case involving Mother being accused of multiple murders.

And the court found her not guilty. That should make me feel better, right? Because Mother could never have done that.

Or could she?

-

I've started to have doubts about what it means to be normal. I just don't think I've ever really fit in with the other kids at school. They seem to dislike it when I'm myself; they ignore me when I stop pretending. They think I'm weird otherwise. I don't understand. Mother says I'm just like my father, a man of few words. Mother just... asserts herself. Father never does much, really. He just lets Mother boss him around.

Why are other kids so different from me? They've always loved their parents, looking up to them as if they were heroes or something. They seem happy, genuinely happy, to be related to each other. They can even feel so many emotions without even trying. They can be happy, sad, angry, frustrated... They feel things. And they love.

Why can't I love? These kids so easily love. It's second nature to them. They love their parents, and they love themselves. They start to grow older and love each other. Why can't I do that? I don't understand These kids show so much appreciation for the people in their lives, that they care about. I... don't really have friends, do I? I am a ghost in my own life. I am a classmate to everyone. All I have are my parents. And yet...

Why don't I love my parents?

-

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not normal. I grew up dysfunctionally. I'm not like the other people in my life, and my family is dysfunctional. My mother loves my father to death. Perhaps literally. But my father doesn't love my mother. He can't love her the way that she does. Mother has him in her grasp in a way that he cannot escape from. And if what my mother tells me is right, all Aishi women are strong in ways that would horrify other people. I'm not normal because I wasn't born to be a normal girl. No one has ever escaped from this seemingly endless chain of dysfunctionality.

But I can't give up. I still want to be like the kids at school. I still want to be like the peers in my classes, finding excitement in life around every corner. I don't want to follow the same path my parents did. So I put up the mask figuratively and pretend that I could possibly fit in. Fake it until you make it. That's what some people say. It's what I've been trying to do; pretend that I could one day be just like the other kids.

My father begged me to be normal. When Mother wasn't around when I was young, he begged and pleaded that I wouldn't become like my mother. He cried, I think, if I remember correctly. I didn't understand it then, but right now, I feel like I understand the implications of what he means.

Don't do what my mother did to get her accused of murder.

-

I tried to follow Father's advice, but it didn't work out. I'm sorry, Father. But I met him today. I met the boy that Mother always told me would be the special boy in my life. He grabbed my hand, and suddenly everything felt different. His hands felt warm and comforting when he reached out to help me get up. I looked into his eyes afterwards and I felt something blooming in my chest that I had never felt before in my life. My brain screamed out that it was love. This was the thing that I've been missing all along, the thing that I didn't have. The lack of this thing made me not normal, made me dysfunctional. But now I finally have it.

Osana, that annoying and clingy girl, was there too. And I was livid. I want him. I want him all to myself. Can't she see that I am immediately smitten with this boy? The obsession is growing every second, and I need him. I don't want him like she does. I need him so I can breathe, so I can exist. I can finally feel love, and be normal. It's what I've always wanted and my heart wants me to reach out, grab, and take it all for myself. I deserve happiness and contentment in the form of this boy. I want him so that I can feel whole, and finally fulfill my desire to truly fit in and be normal like everyone else.

But I don't want him.

I don't want to be like this.

I don't want to suck someone up into a love that is twisted and cruel. And perhaps I could have done that if I had met him before I realized what my mother was, along with her mother and so on. Before I opened the chest I wasn't supposed to open and I found out exactly what had happened to my mother. What would happen to me. I don't want to have this love that's dysfunctional in order to feel like everyone else. I want to choose another path. Please, let me choose another path. I don't want to drag someone into my dysfunctional life in order to make myself feel less dysfunctional. I don't want to make the mistake that they made, becoming a family despite the twisted way that they got together. I don't want to continue the family line, to continue hurting other people, dragging people into the messes that we made. The Aishi family needs to be sucked out of this continuous cycle. And if I have to be the one that pulls and tugs them away, then I'll find a way to do that.

I need another way out. There's got to be another way.

-

I have the potential to be just like Mother. Oh, I know it. But I come from a line of strong women. Maybe I'll be strong enough to escape this fate, to pull away from what I'm supposed to be.

Then, I could finally lead a normal life.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text


No one knows where Info-chan came from. Some say that she's not even a student, but someone who felt that their destiny was to spend her life offering... special... services to students at Akademi. How she got through and managed to stay is beyond anyone that talks about Info-chan. It just became a staple, something that all of us just got used to, without needing an explanation.

And of course, I should have known, but she knows how sick I am. She knows everything.

And I thought she would have used it against me.

But imagine, to my surprise, that she came to me with a proposal. She wanted me to work with her, to get rid of my rivals. It baffles me why she would do such a thing. I don't know if she mentioned why she wanted me to do this, but I have the feeling that it's unsavory and unnecessary. I don't like this, but I'm afraid of the consequences if I don't reach her expectations. She has so much fucking power ever since she managed to force her way into the school and build up this reputation. She's disgusting, and we all know it. She could do something with this information. I don't need more problems, so I guess I'll see how it all goes.

So I agreed.

-

Monday.

I'm on school grounds, walking around. I don't belong with the people everywhere here. They always have somewhere to go, things to do, people to talk to. I don't belong with them.

It's almost as if the people here have some sort of routine everyday. They all fit somewhere, whether it's a club or a group of friends. Occasionally, you'll have people doing random things, like Oka stalking the Basu sisters for some weird supernatural reason probably. You have Midori on her phone, texting someone on the roof. Oh, and Mai is always on the roof, staring off into the distance like some sort of dramatic movie cut scene where the main character has an internal conflict to solve before going off to save the world. But even they have a routine. Oka stalks them every morning, but then has her club meeting after school. Mai and Midori are always on the roof, no matter what. They all do something, every day. They stray occasionally, but they always come back to the same movements every day. They talk to the same people and laugh about the same things. What's the appeal here?

But I am an outsider, staring in.

Maybe if I go inside, I'll understand what it all means.

-

Then, I met her.

-

It's lunch time, as the bell rings like it does every single day.

This morning wasn't eventful. I stole a look at the boy who caught my fancy, and I internally sigh. I avoided him after that, deciding on just walking around, reminiscing on what I've agreed to do for that disgusting Info-chan.

I needed information on Osana. I have to force myself to want to kill her. It's not that hard. Internally, I've always wanted to, but I'm keeping myself from going down that path. I'm pretty torn, but I should just go along with what I need to do. If Info-Chan suspects that I've broken my promise on agreeing to get rid of my rivals, then what would the consequences be? I'm not going to be a fool and think about what they could be.

So I took a couple panty shots as 'payment' for Info-chan's services. She told me that her plan was to give Senpai gifts all this week until she confesses on Friday. I could probably sabotage all of these events, but it was too late to sabotage the one on Monday, since it was the morning.

Well, I heard Osana's giving Senpai food later this week. I could possibly ruin that for her...

God, I'm disgusting. How could I even think of such a thing? What if I poisoned and killed Senpai? Not only would I have harmed the boy that I liked, but I would have that memory plaguing me for the rest of my life.

I exited my classroom and started to go towards the roof. Perhaps, I could get more panty-shots from Mai Waifu and Midori, who always hang out on the roof.

(Huh. I wonder if anyone's ever taken a picture of my panties.)

As soon as I get onto the third floor, I see Kokona and Saki walking towards the roof, where they never usually go.

They broke their routine... huh... Where are they going? Why would they go up there?

I started trailing behind them slowly, when another student runs past me and causes me to fall onto my butt.

Uekiya Engeika.

President of the Gardening Club. Nicest girl in school, always smells wonderful, and always willing to give a helping hand.

Right now, a distraction.

"Oh my! Darling, are you alright? Here." She offered me her hand.

(Just like Senpai...)

Ayano shrugged.

"Why, I don't believe I've ever met you before!"

Uekiya tilted her head. I took her hand and let the girl help me up. This girl had a giant flower in her head, which was something rather unusual. I took a note of that, although I wasn't sure why.

"Well! No time like the present to make friends! I'm Uekiya, but you can call me Ueki! What's your name?"

"Ayano."

Uekiya nodded. "I like it! It's very stoic and elegant, like you!"

I blinked. What? She called me elegant? ... What gave her that impression?

Uekiya smiles widely, her eyes closed. "Well, Ayano, I'll see you around!" She skips away, going down the staircase.

How bizarre.

Uekiya's the nicest girl on the school grounds, so I suppose it's not as bizarre as I feel that it is. She's pretty and wonderful, everything that I wish I could be, but can't be. Her carefree life, living day after day like it's pleasurable... I would kill to have that.

I shake my head. I don't know if I can ever have that, but, hell, there's no harm in trying.

I look over at Kokona and Saki.

There could be useful information, especially for later down the line. Who knows, maybe befriending either of them or helping them in some way can benefit me in some way. There's no telling what friends will do for each other.

In the end, I leave the two alone.

I shouldn't be using others for my own gain, no matter how much I want to, no matter how much my instincts call for it. I can't stand here and let myself be the manipulative girl that gets her Senpai through malicious means.

If I ever have Senpai, it'll be because he wants me without any manipulation from me.

-

Everyone at school thinks me a bit strange. That's not surprising - I'm not like them. I want to be, so badly, but I've never been able to feel that way. Senpai would be the one to make me feel things, wouldn't he? But I don't want to use him like that. That's not love - that's just me using him for my own selfish gain.

Despite that, everyone here is relatively nice. I slip under the radar most of the time. Sometimes people remember the Aishi story from decades ago, but most people don't care for it.

Everyone at school leaves me be. I casually converse with others, but for the most part, I find myself alone most days.

-

Suddenly, it's Friday.

-

Days slip by so quickly; the lines between the days blur together. I don't even realize that it's the last day until I wake up to look at my calendar on Friday morning.

Info-chan tells me that so far, it's not enough.

I've done enough already. Everything that I've done, it makes me feel horrible. I hate that. I hate it so much.

I slipped a medicine into Osana's food to get her to throw up all over herself and Senpai. If I had the intentions, I could have done the extra work to slip poison instead. She could have died right there and been eliminated immediately.

But I didn't.

I made a fool of Osana and made her look absolutely idiotic in front of Senpai by replacing her uniform with a tighter one, so that she'd rip it. If I had wanted to, I could have spread more rumors about her and made her absolutely depressed and suicidal. She would have been eliminated with the low reputation and self-esteem.

But I didn't.

Info-chan tells me it's not enough.

I've done enough.

-

I see Osana slipping the note into Senpai's locker.

This is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for - my salvation.

-

If Osana manages to get Senpai, then I won't pursue it. I'll let her have him, so I won't have to get him and absolutely ruin him.

Art should be kept in good condition. And I would absolutely destroy this piece of art if I got too close.

-

Osana's confession is going to happen. I rush down the stairs, wanting to spy from afar to see what happens, when I crash into someone and send us both falling to the ground.

... Uekiya.

-

Uekiya's been very persistent for the past couple of days. I don't really expect any less from her, really, but she keeps trying to get closer, to be my friend. She's friends with everyone, so I'm probably just another member to add to her friend group.

But I'm not here to make friends. Actually, I don't know what I'm here for, but that's besides the point.

I don't need friends. I don't need Uekiya to force her way into my life.

But that just encourages her further.

-

She gave me flowers on Tuesday.

She found me before school to offer me some daffodils. She said that they reminded her of me, somehow, although that's bizarre. I'm literally bland with a little bit of a dark side. Why would such bright-colored flowers remind her of me?

I took them anyway and placed them inside of my backpack. At home, I carefully took them out and placed them in my room.

They're a nice decoration, I suppose.

-

She gave me some extra food on Wednesday.

She noticed me staring at Osana and Taro eating food during lunchtime, without any food. So she sprang up next to me and offered me extra food.

Honestly, I'm not really sure if it's extra food or if it's really just her feeling bad and giving me the rest of her own packed lunch.

I ate it anyway in silence as she sat next to me telling me about her planned club activities for the day.

-

She gave me her phone number on Thursday.

Honestly though, Uekiya grabbed my phone and texted her own number to add into her contacts.

"Now, we can chat any time! Message me any time, friend!"

She yells, skipping away.

Friends?

-

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Ayano! I didn't mean to knock you over again!"

Sure you didn't.

Uekiya helps me up again, and I glance towards the door. Out there, Osana is probably confessing.

"Oh, do you have places to be?" Uekiya smiles. "That's alright, I'll catch up with you later! Bye, Ayano!"

She's very insistent.

-

I open the door to the outside.

I spot Osana running away in tears from the cherry blossom tree.

I groan. So much for that.

-

What the hell! Now how do I get over Senpai? You're fucking kidding me.

I'm going to live through this, somehow.

-

Info-chan informs me of what happened, as if I didn't see it.

She also tells me that someone is showing up next week, and if I'm not careful, this person might be successful in getting Senpai.

I didn't ask.

But now I'm going to have to fight another week out of instinct.

Great.

Notes:

hopefully you enjoyed this. i like this take on ayano much better than the current ayano. please comment and leave kudos if you liked this. thank you! :)