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“You’re… Breaking up with me.”
Jack’s smile was sad and his words held no question, only fact. That’s how it was, indeed it was.
“Yes.”
“Why, Gabe I thought – Why?”
Hanging his head, Jack let out a strangled sob that made Gabriel’s heart sting. This pain was all him. He was the cause of Jack’s anguish, no one else.
“Because I love you and I cannot be allowed to love you when I do what they’ll have me do.”
Gabriel kneeled by Jack’s side and grabbed his chin gently, turning his face towards him. Blue eyes shiny with tears stared at him. Gabriel’s mouth was dry.
“They’ll make me kill you and then myself. At the Zürich base, an explosion will bury us and I’ll shoulder the blame.”
Jack scoffed and swatted Gabriel’s hand away. His words were bitter:
“So, you must bury us before they do?”
“They want you dead, Jack, they want it to be me who kills you and I can’t…” Gabriel shook his head, his words failing him.
“They want you to break, and I won’t let it happen. I’ll rather have you hate me than watch you die. I will kill the emotions so you can have a chance to live.”
Without a word, Jack nodded. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees, hands buried in his hair, shaking. His voice was weaker than Gabriel had ever heard it be.
“At least… Stay with me now. If never again, only this last time.”
Gabriel’s eyes were burning with tears he couldn’t allow to shed.
“It’ll only hurt more – “
“Please Gabe, I need it, I… I need you, don’t leave… Please…”
He had tried to steel his heart, he really had, but no amount of armor could ever keep Jack out of Gabriel’s heart. Never had, never would. He could never deny Jack anything.
Gabriel fell onto his knees next to Jack once more, being as close to him as possible without touching him.
“I’ll stay. But I won’t touch you. If I do, I won’t be able to go.”
For what they firmly thought would be the last time, they laughed together, cried together, laid together. Jack sobbed into Gabriel’s old, threadbare shirt and Gabriel couldn’t tear his eyes away, and his hands burned with the urge to touch. But he had to burn, until there were only the ashes left.
Later, when Jack was barely awake, Gabriel carefully took off the chain where his dog tags were hanging and laid it on Jack’s palm, closed the man’s fingers around it and kissed the fist like you would kiss a precious treasure.
“I leave my heart with you, Jackie.”