Chapter Text
As a fresh summer morning dawned in Ilderton, a ray of new born sunlight lay across the collection of papers that Scott had deposited on the dining room table. Hand written notes scribbled on scraps of paper nestled amongst neatly typed and ordered schedules.
“I don’t have an answer for you at the moment, I am afraid” Scott said into the telephone as he rubbed the space between his eyes with the first two fingers of his right hand “I will let you know as soon as I can...thank you...I will be in touch.” He ended the call and blew out a sigh of tiredness and frustration.
The antique clock that hung on the wall opposite him told him that despite the fact that he had already been up for two hours, it was still only 8am. Turning his back on the destruction on the table, he headed to the kitchen for his third cup of coffee.
He and Tessa had agreed that the next four or five weeks of the summer were reserved for family and friends and relaxation. Having spent the last two months in Japan, and given that they had been completely engrossed in their Olympic comeback for what seemed like a lifetime, they had wanted to make sure that there was some protected time for them to spend with the people closest to them. The Thank You Tour was about to become their entire existence for the foreseeable future, they had decided to do the absolute minimum amount possible towards it for the next two weeks. An email here and there, a couple of phone calls, but they had set the time aside for their families. So, when the coach company that they had booked to supply, drive and manage the tour bus had called Scott to say that the coach they had originally booked was no longer available, but they could offer some alternatives, he thought a phone call would be all it took to sort it out... not that simple! And when the arena in Oshawa had emailed with a list of the things they would not be able to provide, as requested, he had something else to deal with. He didn’t want to contact Tessa and spoil her break – she rarely got the time she needed with Jordan and her mom, and he knew that she trusted him to make decisions on behalf of both of them, just like he trusted her, so he was ‘dealing’ with it on his own. A few phone calls turned into a few long phone calls and a plethora of internet searches and email responses. What he thought would be small issue, small decisions, small changes were actually just the first dominoes to fall. If the bus was going to be different, would they still be able to fit all of their stuff into it? They had specially requested hanging space for costumes, but one of the buses on offer wouldn’t be able to offer that, but there was the possibility of a trailer. A trailer could possibly limit some of the roads and park-ups they could use, that could affect the route, that could affect the travel time, that could affect the time they were able to get the rink, or to the practice room in the local town that they had booked – the links went on and on, and before he knew it he was elbow deep in paper work, early morning phone calls and coach brochures.
“Another early one, bro?” Danny’s sleepy voice entered the kitchen.
“Morning” Scott replied “well, a ‘few things’ for the tour turned into a mountain of work and headaches” Scott replied, grabbing another cup from the cupboard and pouring coffee for Danny.
Danny took the cup with gratitude and sat on one of the high stools in their childhood kitchen. He and Scott had promised each other a day of fishing on the lake, and he was looking forward to spending time with his little brother. They didn’t get much chance to spend time together anymore and both had been looking forward to the day for a while.
“I just need to make another call, pack away all the papers I’ve strewn everywhere and then I will be ready to go” Scott assured his brother.
“No worries” Danny replied “I will get the car all packed, you sort out what you need to.”
“Thanks, Danny” Scott smiled as he headed back to the dining room. He was aware of how understanding his family were towards his work. He felt an amazing amount of gratitude for the support that they had given him, not just at the Olympics, but throughout his career, throughout his life.
Scott set to work gathering the papers off the table, being careful to keep them in some semblance of order. The folder he had taken them out of was already looking a little worse for wear, and he made a mental note to drop into a store and grab a new one over the following few days. Just as he was placing the details of the catering for the shows’ teams into its rightful place amongst the other papers, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Reaching for it and looking at the screen he saw a number he recognised as belonging to the offices of one of the companies they had considered using for the printing of the programmes and posters. He let out a frustrated sigh before answering. The conversation that ensued kept Scott engaged for a full fifty minutes, and by the end of the call he had created another two pages of notes that needed to be added to the folder. He had not accepted the offer they had made, he wanted to speak with Tessa about it first, he wanted big things that altered the aesthetic of the tour to be joint decisions, plus, hers was the eye that was needed for such things – he thought he knew what looked good...sometimes, but it was a guarantee that Tessa would see and create something he loved more. Adding the notes to the folder and punching a reminder into his phone to email the company to request a full quote, he pushed the folder away from himself and across the table. He knew he had kept Danny waiting, and left him to do all the packing for their trip, and he didn’t want to spend another minute missing out on the precious time with his brother – anything else would just have to wait.
“I am so sorry” Scott declared as he finally joined Danny in the driveway “I got caught up in another call”
“Don’t worry” Danny smiled, and although Scott knew he meant it, he still felt a pang of guilt when he saw his brother sitting on the tail of the fully loaded truck waiting for him.
“Come on, let’s get this show on the road” Scott shouted cheerfully “there are fish to be caught.”
The twenty minute drive to the lake was the first peace that Scott had felt all day. Looking out of the window, listening to Danny humming along to the radio beside him, allowed him to sit back, take a breath and remember that he was meant to be relaxing, and enjoying his time at home. As the lake came into view he felt a weight that he hadn’t realised he’d been carrying, rise from his chest. There was something about the outdoors, the promise of nature’s simplicity and the silence that Scott always found solace in. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he had grown up in the outdoors; as a child, when he wasn’t at the rink, he could be found in the back yard, playing games, kicking a football and just generally enjoying the feel of the soil beneath his feet and the open sky above his head. His mind drifted back to France and the forest he and Tessa had visited during their GMP trip. Of course he had loved the cities, adored Antwerp and reveled in the time they had spent alone and relaxing when they had first arrived, but that afternoon in the forest, he had felt, for the first time in a long time, the freedom of being outdoors and in a world created by the Earth itself, untouched and untainted. A smile crept across his lips as the smell of the flower he had placed in Tessa’s hair floated back to him. She had felt it too, the tranquility, the stillness, and she, too, had been grateful of the opportunity to get into the fresh air. They had been working, of course, and they had socialise with the guests, the people who had paid for some time with them, but they had found a moment that day, in a quiet spot, shaded by trees, to stop and enjoy a moment together. They knew people didn’t understand the connection they had, and he didn’t expect anyone too, they had, had to learn about it too, but more than that, people didn’t understand how it kept them grounded, kept them level and kept them standing tall, breathing fresh air. When they were competing and when they were performing on tour, the connection had a purpose, the desire to be in each other’s space was explicable, the physical contact they craved was needed, natural, part of the process, but alone, in the forest, under no pressure to perform, they were both perhaps a little surprised to find that the need and the desire were both still there. They hadn’t discussed it of course, in order to do that they would have had to stop and think and wonder, and their relationship didn’t include that, they didn’t need answers, even when everyone else seemed to. So, without words, without explanation, without motive and without cause, they had stood beneath the canopy of leaves and embraced each other, held each other and felt their connection pulsing through them and between them. They hadn’t discussed it, not then and not since, but it had felt different, for him at least.
“Scott, what do you think?” Danny’s voice cut through his thoughts.
“Sorry,” Scott startled from his daydream “What do I think? I think...I...what do I think about what?”
“About which side of the lake we should go to” Danny smiled “we can get the boat from the main building, but we need to let them know whether we’re going to want it on the north or the south side of the lake”
“Oh right” Scott answered, finding his composure “sorry, I was miles away. Erm, well, the north I think, that’s where dad always took us, right?”
“Yeah,” Danny replied “sounds perfect”
***
They picked a spot at the north end of the lake that they had fished many times as boys. Rods set up, cold beer in hand, they rested back against the boat’s side and drank in the seclusion.
“I’m glad we’re doing this” Scott remarked, feeling, finally, that they were getting the day they had been waiting for.
“Me too.” Danny replied “sometimes I feel like getting away, being free, is impossible.”
Scott hadn’t expected to hear the tone of frustration and tiredness is his brother’s voice. He had always seen his brother as the perfectly happy family man. He clearly adored his wife, his children and the life they had built together. Sometimes, at family BBQs, when his nephews were dressed in shorts, their bare feet pounding the ground as they played, he envied Danny’s domesticity. He saw Danny lounging beside his wife, Tessa, and watching his kids with a love that Scott envied. He watched the way Danny and Tessa shared their parenting so well, the way they were in sync with each other’s thoughts, and he saw a life he wanted one day.
“Getting away from what?”
“Life”
“What is there in your life you could possibly want to get away from?”
“Not anything in my life, Scott, I have wonderful things in my life. Sometimes I just want it to stop for a moment, so that I can stop, so that I can get off the carousel and sit on a lake with my brother.”
“Have you taken on too much coaching?” Scott asks, still treating Danny’s situation as a problem to be solved.
“No, it’s not that, and the house is in good shape now, and the kids are enjoying school. I just... I don’t get to come here often enough, come home I mean, to Canada, to mom, to this, to us. Sometimes I just want time to stand still for a moment so that I can remember what life is all about.”
“Life’s about lots of things, Dan” Scott soothed, “it’s about all the things you mentioned, but sometimes we don’t get the balance right, but that’s not because we don’t want to, it’s because we can’t.”
“I just don’t feel like ‘can’t’ should be a factor, Scott. I feel like we make our lives into what we want them to be, into what we want to be within them, and I feel like sometimes I need to escape to get perspective.”
“Well, for now we’re here, we’re getting perspective, and we will both pledge to make sure that we do it more often, make it a priority.”
“I think we should Scott; our lives are there for us to be the creators”
“They are” Scott agreed quietly, taking in the meaning of Danny’s words.
“So, the Thank You Tour, that’s keeping you pretty busy”
“Yeah” Scott exhaled “in a good way most of the time. There’s just so much to do. We have this grand vision and some days it feels like we’re on the road to realising it, and some days it feels more like a mirage than a vision.”
“It was always going to be a lot of work Scott, but I know what you are like once you are passionate and committed, you throw yourself all in, that’s where your gold came from – not one skate, not one event, from years of hard work and commitment.”
“I know.”
“And retirement? Have you guys made a decision?”
“Yeah, we had before we competed, really, and I think we are pretty sure now, we just want to give it time to settle, tell our families first, you know. But, it was always going to be the case. The Olympics, the comeback, the journey, it was exactly what we both needed, and what we needed together. The feeling of winning, it’s alluring and it would be so tempting to chase it again, and in many ways, easier than ever because we have found the team and the place and the mind set now, but I think we need to quit whilst we’re ahead and savor the moments we’ve had.”
“And do new things. There is still so much out there for you.”
“Exactly, and the tour is the start of that.”
“I’m really pleased for you, buddy. I know it will be fantastic.”
“Thanks, Danny.”
A comfortable silence fell between them as they lay back and felt the boat rock gently beneath them. The rest of the day was filled with easy conversation and fishing. The sun keeping them warm until the mid-evening when they took the boat back to the lake’s main boat house and packed their things into the car.
“Mom’s cooking tonight” Scott announced as he looked at his watch “I’ll give her a call and let her know that we are on our way back”. He sat in the front seat of the car and retrieved his phone from the glove box. He could see the light on the top flashing red telling him that he had an email – hopefully the quote from the print company. What he had not anticipated when he swiped to unlock his phone was the 15 missed calls, seven emails and three texts that he found looking back at him. He sighed as he looked at the preview of each one – the coach company (yet more questions), the printers (the quote) and six calls from the venue they were planning to use in Abbotsford. He also noticed a voicemail that was waiting for him. He sighed as he thought about having to open and deal with all the messages. He listened to the voice mail whilst Danny was packing the last of their supplies into the truck.
“Scott, Trevor here from the Abbotsford Centre. I need to discuss your booking for the 5th October. Unfortunately, we’ve had a fire at the rink – a faulty wire in the sound system – and I don’t know if we are going to be ready in time for the show. So sorry to leave this with you in a voice mail. Please get in contact as soon as possible so that we can chat.”
Scott pressed to end the call and then put his heads in hands. Abbotsford was their first location, and the show was now less than three months away, this was beginning to feel like a disaster. When they had first thought about doing the tour, one balmy night in Canada House, they had been excited by the prospect of doing their own choreographing, staging and merchandise, but they hadn't thought about the huge implications of actually managing the event themselves at this level. People had suggested, and they had, at first, been in agreement with them, that they should use an event planning company. A company that would sort things like accommodation, venues and transportation, but they had wanted to take it on themselves, every last bit of it. This was their baby, and they wanted full control of it. Given the past two days he’d had, he was beginning to think they’d made the wrong decision. They hadn’t even started putting new dances together yet, although he knew that the whole gang were thinking about it and planning numbers to bring to their first group rehearsal at the end of August, he still felt like they weren’t even able to get to what he considered was the most important part of the whole event.
“Everything ok?” Danny asked as he got into the car.
“Not really” Scott replied “there’s been a fire at the first tour venue, they don’t know if it’s going to be ready in time for the show”
“Oh” Danny replied “not good”
“Not good at all” Scott agreed.
“What are the options? Can you move it somewhere else?”
“I'm really not sure. I’ve only just picked up the message, I’ve not even begun to think...”
“Of course, sorry”
“No, it’s fine. I just need to figure out what to do.”
“See what Tess thinks, put your heads together, you’ll work it out.”
“I didn’t really want to bother Tess with any of this – we decided to take some time with family and I was just keeping an eye on things, I didn’t think anything like this was going to crop up!”
“Well, this might be something you need to speak to her about, Scott, it can’t really wait, can it?”
“I guess”
“I know you want her to relax and take some time out, Scott, but I think this is something that she would want you to share the burden of with her, you guys are a team.”
“You’re right. I’ll Skype her after dinner.”
***
“Thanks again for dinner, Ma” Scott said as he placed a kiss on his mother’s cheek.
“You’re welcome, it’s just so good to have my boys here” his mom beamed as she pulled Scott in for a hug. “Now you boys have some fun, I’m headed to bed. See you in the morning.”
“Night Mom” chorused Danny and Scott as their mom disappeared out of the lounge and up the stairs.
“Fancy watching the game? I recorded it last night” Danny asks as he spreads out on the sofa and grabs the remote.
“Sure” Scott replies “I’ll just give Tess a call and then join you.”
“Cool”
Scott made his way to his bedroom – his mum had recently decorated it and it felt new and fresh. He grabbed his laptop from his night stand and jumped on to the bed, settling himself against the headboard. Clicking on her profile picture – her favourite red boot Vogue picture – he heard the familiar noise of Skype dialing out. It was a noise that reminded him of long conversations with home. He thinks about how much easier it must be for young athletes to keep in touch with family now, and he thinks about how his and Tessa’s childhood may have been different had they been able to Skype their parents every night from Canton. He thinks also about how different their relationship might have been. Perhaps they would have relied on each other less as children, perhaps they wouldn’t have been as close, perhaps they would have been able to discuss their arguments with other people, get some perspective. But he believed in never examining the past and never regretting a moment because all the moments of their lives had led them to moment they loved the most; embracing each other after winning gold, a moment in time that he will never forget, alone, back stage in a quiet corner, away from everything and everyone, just them for a moment, no need to share, no need to feel watched, it was the moment their lives had been lived for and he wouldn’t take a single minute of life back, even the worst ones, for fear of never having had that one moment together.
“Hey” her voice jolted him out of his reverie. He looked at the screen and saw her smiling back at him.
“Hey, T” he replied, her smile infectious “how are you? How’s the cottage?”
“Great. The weather is great here. Jordan and I have been lying on the beach all afternoon. What about you, how’s home?”
“It’s great. I went to the lake with Danny today, we went fishing, drank a few beers. It was good to get away.”
“Yeah, I like the feeling of not having to set an alarm, not having a schedule for the day, it’s refreshing.”
“It is.” he left a pause as he thought about how to bring up the issues with the tour without worrying her, he needed to make it sound casual, like it was nothing to worry about “I did a few bits of correspondence for the tour this morning”
“Great, is everything ok? Sorry, we said we weren’t going to do anything until we had finished our family time, I hope it didn’t eat into your time.”
“No, Tess, it’s fine, it hasn’t been a bother, just a few chats with the coach company and one of the printers, and the venue in Abbotsford.”
“The venue in Abbotsford? That’s all sorted, what did they want?”
“There’s been some unexpected events there, they just wanted to touch base, that’s all.”
“Unexpected events?”
She was on to him – how did he think he could possible lie to her, she knew him better than he knew himself most of the time, how did he think he was going to get away with underplaying this one?
“Tess, they’ve had a fire there. I don’t know how bad, I have to call Trevor tomorrow, but he left a message to say that he wasn’t sure if everything would be sorted by October”
“Scott, Abbotsford is the first stop, it’s less than three months away”
“I know, and it may still be ok”
“What if it’s not?”
“Then we will try to sort something out, Tess. We will make it work”
“And what did the coach company want?”
Oh, she had him on the ropes now.
“The bus we wanted is no longer available, but it’s fine, there are alternatives, it might just mean some compromises”
“Compromises? Like what?”
“A number of things, Tess, storage for the costumes, the possibility of a trailer”
He saw her bow her head and rub her eyebrows. She didn’t get stressed very easily, and she had always coped really well with pressure, but she also liked to be in control, and he knew that all of these unknowns and changes were making her feel like her control on the tour was slipping.
“Tess, we will work it out, ok, whatever we need to do to make it work, we will do it. We knew this wasn’t going to be easy, this is just a challenge” he tried to reassure her.
“But, Scott, there are so many things to do, and you are doing it by yourself, I feel like I have abandoned you. When we agreed that you would keep an eye on things we thought it would be fielding a few emails, a call here and there, not rearranging one of the venues and the transportation! You don’t have to do this on your own. I’ll call Trevor in the morning, talk to him about the rink, find out what the likelihood of it being ready is, and then start looking at alternatives” she was speaking quickly now, he could hear her mentally making a to do list.
“T, it’s fine, you are spending time with Jordan, please, I can handle this.”
“Scott, we’re a team, you don’t have to do this on your own. We need to work together on it. I will drive over to you tomorrow, we can work through this.”
“No, Tess, you have been looking forward to your time at the cottage for months, you don’t need to come here, I can call you, we can communicate about it.”
“It’s not the same Scott, and it’s not effective, you know what signal is like here sometimes. If I leave in the next couple of hours, I could be with you by breakfast.”
“Tess, stop, you are not leaving the cottage, and you are certainly not driving through the night! Look, I will come to you, I have been out with Danny today and he has to fly back to Denmark tomorrow evening, so we don’t have much planned for tomorrow anyway.”
“But Scott, your mom...”
“I have had a lovely dinner with my mom tonight, spent some time with her, and you know she understands Tess”
Silence.
“Tess, I am driving over tomorrow, ok?”
“Ok. Thanks, Scott”
“It will be nice to see Jordan and Kate, I haven’t seen them for ages, and you know how much I love the cottage.”
This prompted the return of the smile that had dulled.
“Plus, if we get this sorted, you can give me the chance to beat you at golf”
This made the smile wider, and her green eyes shone “beat me? In your dreams.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tess, I’ll leave first thing.”
“See you tomorrow, Scott”
With that the call was ended and her face disappeared from the screen of his laptop. He closed his laptop and set about packing his bags ready for his morning ride.