Chapter Text
The ringing sound of the alarm tells me it’s 7:30. I pull the blanket over my head, foolishly trying to make the sound disappear. Getting up means my senior year is about to start, and I really don’t want that to happen. I’m not ready for one more year in this place. Even if it’s the last one.
“Come on Isak. You don’t want Marcos to come in here, do you?” I hear Jonas’s familiar voice, asking from somewhere on my left.
Marcos is our dormitory’s supervisor. He would most definitely yell at me and take my blanket away if he thought I was going to be late for class. So no, I don’t want him to come in.
I throw my covers to the side and get up at once. Jonas’ bed, which thankfully is right next to mine, is already made and he seems to be about to go to the bathroom. The only good thing that came from this horrible school is my friendship with Jonas. I would have gone crazy if I didn’t have him here.
“It’s our last year man. We can do this” he smiles at me and it seems genuine.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever” I respond with the usual grumpiness in my voice.
Jonas rolls his eyes but still has a grin on his face. He walks towards the bathroom with a toiletry bag on his hand and his uniform on the other.
There are 10 boys in this dormitory. I don’t really talk to any of them besides Jonas. I don’t bother them, they don’t bother me. Seems to work for us. I grab my own toiletry bag and uniform and head to the bathroom. Most of them seem to be pretty comfortable with changing around each other. I’d rather go to a toilet stall.
Once I’m done changing and brushing my teeth, I walk back to the dorm. Jonas is waiting for me by my bed.
“Ready?” the boy asks.
I nod and reach for my backpack. We walk all the way to the cafeteria together as usual. I will never get over how old this school is. The whole thing looks like a Goddamn church with its stone walls and high ceilings. Above the huge wood door that lead to the cafeteria we can read “Elite School For Boys” in cursive. I hate this sign so much. This whole school is so pathetic.
At the end of 8th grade I had the brilliant idea of telling my parents I thought I had feelings for one of my male friends. At the time, I really thought they were going to be nice and supportive but, oh boy was I wrong. They freaked out, never let me see my friend again and made me come to this damned school. Now, you must be wondering, why on earth did my parents think that sending me to a all boys school was a good idea when I pretty much told them I’m gay. I still haven’t figured it out either.
I realize I’ve been staring at the wooden sign for too long when Jonas looks at me funny.
“Are you coming in?” he frowns his eyebrows.
“Yep” I follow him.
We both grab a tray and walk towards the line to get food. At least I can say the food here is decent. I’m not much of a morning eater so, I grab an apple and a cup full of orange juice. Jonas fills his tray with everything he can find.
When we begin to move in the direction of an empty table, I decide to look around at all the new faces around me. I feel bad for all the freshman. At least this is my last year here.
I put my tray on the table and sit down. Jonas sits directly in front of me and immediately starts to eat a ham sandwich. To the right of Jonas’ head, I notice someone staring at me. At first I stare back at the blond boy, thinking that would discourage him but I quickly realize my strategy is not working. The boy raises his eyebrow and a small grin shows up on his face.
I frown my eyebrows and look down at my food. What the hell?
Thankfully, the first week of school went by uneventifully. I heard someone got detention for trying to sneak out on Wednesday, but that’s about it. Everyone in my grade seems to be very much focused on college. Maybe they’re just as desperate to leave this place as I am.
On Saturday I decide to go to the library to do some homework. I leave the cafeteria at around 9:00 and stop by the dorm to get my backpack. I can see some of the boys, including Jonas, are still sleeping. So I try to be as quiet as possible.
I’m walking through the stone walls corridors when I see the blond boy from the first day. He’s sitting on a bench, apparently doing his homework. I look at him for just a couple of seconds, but it seems to be enough for him to feel my eyes on him. He looks up, making me look at my feet and continue walking.
“Hey!” he says.
I tell myself that he’s not talking to me and continue to walk away. I mean, he doesn’t even know me, why would he be talking to me?
“Isak?” he tries again.
Ok, now I can’t pretend he’s not talking to me. I stop walking. He runs in my direction.
“There’s no running in the corridors, young man!” a sharp voice yells.
“Oh I’m sorry. I-I just… I’m sorry” the blond boy responds in a small voice.
He seems to be afraid of the hallway supervisor. He should be, everyone who works here sucks. I feel sorry for him, so I wait for him to get closer to me.
“Hey” the boy seems to be deciding what to say next.
“Hi” I reply, avoiding his eyes.
Now that he is close to me I can see how ridiculously handsome this guy is. His hair seems to be effortless pretty which made me jealous, and his eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen in my life. Did this boy just come out of a magazine or something?
“I’m Even” he offers his hand.
I take it and shake it for a second.
“Isak” I say.
He smiles and the first thing I notice is that I could look at it all day long. Oh no .
“That’s a random question but, are you friends with Sana Bakkoush?” Even asks, still smiling.
I look at him curiously, frowning my eyebrows.
“Um, yes actually. Do you know her?”
“Yes! She’s one of my best friends! I’ve seen pictures of you guys together on facebook. It feels nice to see a familiar face, even though we don’t actually know each other, it was a relief to see you here. I mean this place is kind of scary and… Oh sorry, I’m talking too much, I’m just nervous.”
The words come out of his mouth very fast, which makes me chuckle.
“It’s ok Even, I know this place can be intimidating. It’s nice to meet you” I say with a smile.
The blond boy’s smile gets even bigger.
“It’s nice to met you too! I’ll let you go now, you seemed to be going somewhere” he starts to walk towards the bench where his backpack was on.
“Wait” the word comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself.
He looks back with curiosity on his face.
“I-I’m going to, um” I stutter nervously, “I’m going to the library, if you want to join me.”
Even’s whole face light up.
“Of course! Let me just get my things.”
“So, why did you end up in this place?” I ask him when we’re placing our things on a table next to a big window.
Even avoids my eyes.
“Oh, just some misunderstandings with my parents” he sits down and opens an anatomy book.
“Hey I’m in that class” I point to his book.
That seems to bring the sunshine back to his face.
“Wait, really? I haven’t seen you in my classroom though, when do you take it?”
I open my backpack and place a calculus book on the table.
“Right after lunch” I respond while opening a blue notebook.
Even seems disappointed.
“Aw, anatomy is my first class in the morning” he explains, “can you help me study for it though? I don’t think I’m very good at it.”
The blond looks worried. He looks so lost in this place.
“Um, sure. We can study before our tests” I tell him.
“Cool! I was starting to worry about this subject” Even frowns his eyebrows.
I guess that wouldn’t be that bad.
We spend the next 20 minutes focused on our homeworks. I was doing some math problems, he was doing something for anatomy. Even was so stupidly handsome, it was difficult not to stare at him sometimes. But I would look away whenever it seemed like he was about to place his gaze on me. He might get the wrong idea if he sees me glaring.
Looking at him makes me wonder what would it be like to actually be able to flirt with someone I’m actually interested in. I shouldn't think about that though. I’m very aware of the fact that homosexual interactions are extremely forbidden in this place. Just one of the many pleasures this school has to offer.
I get so distracted thinking about all the terrible rules they have here, I don’t notice when one of my pens falls on the floor, making a small clicking sound. Even reaches for it before I can even think about it.
“There you go” he gives me the sweetest smile.
Oh my God, why is he so adorable and nice? Isn’t that like illegal here or something?
When we’re both done with our work we start to pack our things in our bags.
“So what are you doing for the rest of the day?” Even asks me.
I keep my eyes on my backpack.
“Um, probably just hanging out with my friend Jonas” I reply.
That was a lie. Jonas has plans to go out with a girl later.
Even nodds, while closing his pencil case and placing it in his bag.
“Do you want to, um, maybe…go out with me later?”
The blond seems nervous. Is he asking me on a date? I stare at him with big eyes and look around us to see if any of the supervisors are paying attention to our conversation. No one seems to be around.
“Um, w-we…. t-that’s not allowed Even” I whisper.
The boy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He seems embarrassed.
“Right. Of course not” he stares at the ceiling, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
He looks sad. Which makes my heart ache for a second. I look at one of his hands on top of the table. I’m about to squeeze it and tell him it’s ok, when I see one of the corridor supervisors getting in the library to do a round. I stare at the tall man dressed in black with anger in my eyes.
“I should probably go” Even says.
The boy grabs his backpack and pretty much runs out of the room. Damnit.
In one of the many gardens in this school, there is a big fountain with a lion sculpture on top, with the water coming out of its mouth and everything. I spend the rest of my Saturday reading a book in front of that fountain. It’s my favorite spot in this place.
I’m upset about the way things turned out with Even. I didn’t mean to scare him away or hurt his feelings. I mean, I was shocked that someone as beautiful as him would even be remotely interested in me. At least now I know he’s into boys. But that just can’t happen in here. I don’t even know what they would do if they found out two students were dating. Probably punish us in some terrible way or kick us out.
The sun is beginning to disappear in the horizon, so I decide that I should probably go back in. I close my book, get up, and start to walk towards the back entrance of the school. When I’m walking through a flower garden not too far from where I was sitting, I spot a now familiar, blond head.
Even is laying on a bench with earbuds in his ears, looking at the sky. I place my gaze on him for a few seconds. He seems peaceful. The sunlight is touching his face on all the right places. The smart thing to do would be to walk away, but for some reason I just can’t. This boy seems to be all alone here, I know exactly what that feels like.
Before I can even stop myself, my legs begin to move towards his bench. My body blocks the sun, making a shadow over his torso. He looks up with curiosity and takes his earbuds out of his ears.
“I know we can’t go out or anything, but…. perhaps you’d be interested in being friends?” The words come out of my mouth really fast.
I stare at his beautiful blue eyes, hoping he would say yes. A smile shows up on his face, making my heart beat a little faster. Even sits up on the wooden bench.
“Yes please.”