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Currant often thought that all the wonders she could ever want were held within the crumbling stone borders of The Garden. Each day she would rush out to see what might be new: a seedling that hadn’t been there before or leaves that hadn’t yet uncurled. Buds that she had stared at in awe for days, wondering what color would appear when they burst open, would be waiting for her in the hazy morning light. Currant would gently cup the blossoms in her palms and breathe them in, learning the scent that was unique to each and curling her toes in the rich, equally fragrant soil.
The moon grew thick fog overnight and it rolled in from the ocean until her flowers seemed to be rooted among the clouds. The soft, dreamy slowness of it all made it feel like like she’d never even woken up. The fog would eventually fade away under the warmth of the sun, but it was only because the day also needed to bloom in all it’s light and color. But the other Rubies often seemed blind to that. It was a world of things that were never the same from one day to the next - a secret growing in plain sight that she could only really share with one other Gem.
Sapphire didn't always speak to her when she came outside. There were days when she would only smile, unfocused but turning towards her as some of the flowers turned towards the sun, before wandering off along the paths that wound aimlessly around bushes and trees. Smooth, pale marble pavers had been stacked in one of the storage rooms and she had spent the better part of a day dragging them outside. She said it was because the stepping stones looked pretty and kept everyone from stepping on her flowers. It did look like the pictures in the book Sapphire had given her, but the truth was that Currant wanted a path that where nothing would dirty or cut a pair of delicate blue feet.
Because the young aristocrat would insist on kicking off her slippers and dancing around The Garden. Like the little insects whose wings reminded her of the stained glass paneling in the main hall, Sapphire caught up her wrap in her hands and let it trail behind her in the wind. Ir-i-des-cent. Sapphire had taught her that word. It was the perfect one to describe the little bits of crystal in the material. They caught the light and sparkled in ever-changing colors as Sapphire danced. She leaped and twirled, never touching the ground for more than a moment before pivoting on her toes to face a new direction. Her Lady swayed to the sound of music that only she heard, humming bits of songs that never seemed to finish before the melody was lost and and another tune found.
Sometimes watching it made her chest clench painfully. When she told Claret the other Ruby had laughed and said their Clarity was certainly a pretty Gem. Poppy scolded her for laughing and Orchid said she thought Sapphire must have learned dancing from a Pearl. That started an excited discussion of dance and different styles that the rest had seen… and that she hadn’t. What she had wanted to say got lost. She tried to bring it up several times after that and Poppy had tried to be encouraging, but the words always seemed to stick in her throat. The young Guard didn’t know how to explain it, but it felt like her Sapphire was always dancing on the edge of falling.
One day, she finally did.
Currant had been distracted by a flower. Slender golden vines with thorns like needles had dug in between the stone and mortar of the east wall. Big red blooms had opened in the heart of the tangle, out of reach and too well protected to get close. They smelled so sicky-sweet that she wasn’t sure she wanted to get closer, but then she’d seen one eat a bug. It had her full attention at that point. That is, it did until she heard a faint scream. Her head whipped around so fast it hurt, just in time to see Sapphire lose her balance and topple into the fountain.
She didn’t remember running, only that the edge of the fountain rim hit her hard in the gut as she scrambled over it. Sapphire was up to her shoulders in the water, her fluffy hair slicked down and dripping, silk dress billowing around her like she was sitting in the middle of some odd underwater flower. Waterlily? Lotus? She needed her book. But first she needed to help Sapphire. The noble Gem seemed confused, looking around as if she didn’t know where she was. Or who Currant was.
“Lady? M-my Lady?”
A wide blue eye focused on her, empty of recognition for a long, painful moment, before the fog brightened and cleared away. Slowly the corners of her lips turned up and Sapphire began giggling. The tension in Currant’s chest relaxed and she waded in, holding out a hand to help her stand. A quick shake of Sapphire’s head sent droplets flying and the other Gem looked away. Briefly, the young Ruby saw the unfocused look that meant the Seer was studying what she called “The Possibilities.” Whatever she Saw inspired a broad grin and Currant found herself dragged down with irresistible force.
Shrieking, laughing, tumbling over each other without any grace or dignity, the Guard and her Lady splashed water high into the air until it came down like a sun shower. Small rainbows sprang to life in the spray, there and gone again in a blink. Sapphire caught her in a tackle and sent them both sprawling. The fall was cushioned by the water and their own wild joy, clinging to each other as they went under again and again.
When the rush faded and the laughter had become more waterlogged coughing than anything else, they both looked around for any unwanted audiences before inventing a new game. It was easy to slide along the bottom of the smooth marble basin and paddle around, pushing off the sides of the fountain for extra momentum and bumping into each other. A good half of the water was still left in the fountain too. Swimming didn't come naturally to either Gem, their density being too great for any buoyancy, but Currant liked this. It reminded her of the fish she sometimes saw near the shore and she said so. The fear of falling was forgotten.
Sapphire grew very still at the mention of fish. Thinking that the other Gem must not have understood her, Currant called out to her and even added to her original idea.
“It is like the fish, isn't it? Do you like them? Lady! Sapphire? Hey… would you like to catch a few? Wouldn't they be pretty in our fountain? We could find the best colored ones together!”
“No.”
The sun was still shining in the sky above, but the world seemed to grow dim and cold. It wasn’t that her Lady had yelled, but the quietly spoken word hit with all the force of a slap. Her Sapphire turned her back and waded out of the fountain. Or tried to. The trailing hem of her dress caught on something beneath the water - was that ice she saw forming? - and there was a loud ‘thud’ as she tumbled over the side onto the grass.
This time, Sapphire ignored her when Currant tried to help her up. The young Guard stood there, feeling like a fool with her hand held out to thin air, when Sapphire whipped around and thin, cold fingers wrapped around her wrist.
“You will do no such thing. Do you understand me? I want you to promise me that you will never try putting fish in that fountain. Promise!”
Sapphire was staring her down like she’d done a Bad Thing. Her quiet, kind Lady who shared her Garden and had always been encouraging of her projects was angry and Currant couldn’t understand what she’d done Wrong. Tears burned in the corners of her eyes, but she swallowed hard and didn’t let them fall. She was proud of that. Sapphire somehow saw them anyway and the ice-hard lines of her expression cracked, leaving behind something that was just as bad. Something broken and full of hurt.
“I promise.”
She’d hoped the words would make everything Right again. They didn’t. Sapphire apologized without looking at her and hugged her stiffly, refusing to relax against her like normal even though Currant held on extra long. She really, really tried to hold on. In the end, Sapphire pushed away and a Guard must be obedient. Her role had always been something she treasured - she had been created to protect and what higher purpose in life existed? Now Currant felt like the servant she guessed she was. She had been officially dismissed.
Silence had come into her Garden. The buzz of insects, the wind rustling leaves and whistling around the stonework, and the distant roar and crash of the ocean against the rocky shore - they were all still there, but nothing could overcome the deafening absence of singing.The small figure sitting in the pavillion, motionless and quiet as the statues in the main hall, had taught her many words and now she taught the meaning of another. Des-o-late. An empty place.
Emptiness, Currant learned, didn’t just mean a lack of objects. It could be something missing inside of her. She could be physically surrounded by her Garden and in the presence of another Gem, but still be completely alone. It was a hard lesson.
At sunset, she almost asked Sapphire to come inside with her. The sun’s light was still sparking and dancing on the waves -like they had been dancing Before - but inside the walled Garden a purple twilight had already bloomed. The growing shadows seemed to feed on the Silence and they tangled around the bright flowers like choking vines. Overhead, clouds that had been gathering low on the horizon during the day reached up to cover the stars. Currant fled from the darkness.
Inside the warm and well-lit common room, the youngest Ruby ran right into the arms of her nearest team member. Rusty lifted her up - weightless, warm, so so happy to not be ignored - and the rest crowded around, hugging and wiping her eyes and asking what had happened. She wouldn't tell them. This too was a secret. The more she had, the less fun she found secrets were. It felt like it was lodged in the core of her, a shard of ice that wouldn't melt, and Currant wondered how many secrets might be freezing her Lady from the inside out.
Sapphire didn't come back inside. The others looked around the Tower for her, but that was useless. Currant could have told them. She should have. She didn't. But during the night a storm began. Like a plant, it started small. She noticed it from the steady tap of raindrops on the window; a soft sound that was just loud enough to wake her, but not enough shake off the weight of dreams. But the tapping became a drumbeat and the drum a hammering that made everyone, except Claret, sit up on the couches and pillows they'd been sprawled on. There was plenty of room at the windows for all of them, crawling up under the layers of drapes that Sapphire had insisted upon to sit on the window ledges and press their faces to the glass.
There wasn’t much to see until a bolt of lightning shattered the darkness from the peak of the sky to the far edge of the ocean. Even in her fear, shivering on the cold stone and huddled against Poppy’s side, Currant couldn’t help but feel awe too. The lightning spread out like the storm was growing in the sky - an electric tap root extending down from the clouds and the fine hairs of rootlets spreading in all directions. Her book had pictures of things like that. Her book. Her Garden. Her Sapphire.
She dashed out of the room, yelling some excuse about being worried about her Garden over her shoulder but not waiting to see if the others heard or understood. Her Sapphire was still outside and she needed to help her whether the noble wanted it or not! Rain hit her the moment she stumbled out the door, the wind blowing at an angle that meant the weather caught her in the side and bowled her over like a flying tackle. At least the pouring rain washed off the mud as she worked her way across the lawn to the pavillion.
With the water in her eyes, Currant at first was confused when she reached her goal. It wasn’t much more dry because of the partially open sides, but the pavilion appeared to be empty. She blinked and turned in a slow circle, feeling foolish once again - this time for assuming Sapphire wouldn’t take care of herself. The lady had probably come in long ago and gone to her own room while Currant was sleeping. Why hadn’t she even thought to check before running outside? Idiot! She was such a stupid Gem.
She flopped down on the floor, unwilling to face the other Rubies yet, and that was the only reason she heard the soft whimper. Currant turned her head and there, under one of the stone benches, was Sapphire. Her Lady was curled so tightly in on herself that the young Ruby felt a sympathetic ache. On hands and knees, she crawled under the bench and gently pulled Sapphire out from where she’d wedged herself in.
“Sapphire?”
It didn’t help. Frost made lacy patterns on her Lady’s blue skin that might have been been pretty if the Silence wasn’t so unnerving. The small gem was shivering violently and nothing, not calling her name or patting her cheek or even shaking her carefully, inspired any response. The only times the young noble reacted was when lightning cracked overhead and her answering sob was lost in the roar of thunder. Or it would have been if Currant hadn’t wrapped herself protectively around Sapphire. She heard the tiny, desperate sound and almost cried too.
“I’m here. I’m here now. Please don’t be s-scared, Lady. I’m going to protect you.”
Rain had soaked through Sapphire’s clothes and her damp, straggling hair stuck to Currant’s cheek as she hugged her. Covering her calmed the shaking … a little. She wanted to believe in that anyway. There had been some vague hope of warming her Lady and maybe offering some comfort that way, but something else became quickly and painfully obvious. She wasn’t enough.
Every bolt of lightning lit up the night with a harsh glow that reminded her uncomfortably of the interior of the ship that brought her here. The roaring of the accompanying thunder was deafening and every time a spasm wracked the body beneath her. Currant growled back at it, wishing she could scare away whatever was disturbing her Lady so terribly. The world, as usual, was unimpressed with her. It was getting colder.
No. Sapphire was getting colder. During the lulls, Currant became aware of a sharp sound like breaking crystal. The puddled water on the marble beneath them had become a mirror of ice that reflected back her own frightened face. She’d thought the growing numbness she’d felt was from holding an awkward position, but now it became clear that the frost was slowly creeping up her own skin and leaching away the warmth beneath it to grow. The young guard laid her head back down against her Sapphire’s back and dragged in a strained breath.
“It’s going to be okay.”
That was the last thing she said or thought for what felt like an eternity. E-ter-ni-ty. When the Garden was warm and filled with light, that had sounded like such a beautiful word when Sapphire had explained it. Forever was only as good as what filled it. The tears had long since frozen on her cheeks, but the storm did pass. Currant didn’t notice that until she heard the measured tread of boots and realized the world around them had finally quieted.
The boots came to a halt inches from her nose. Steam hissed beneath them, the ice melting away from the furnace-like heat of The Captain. Soon, the floor was almost dry all around them and Currant slowly sat up, flexing feeling back into her warming body. Would she ever have that kind of strength? She stared at the tips of The Captain's boots, grateful to have the older Gem step in but waiting for punishment to fall on her or to at least be yelled at. It never came. When she dared to look up, The Captain was watching with her arms folded. Just that. She was frowning a little, but that was her Thinking Face. Currant was familiar with it. Hesitantly, the young guard made her confession.
“I disobeyed orders and kept necessary information to myself. I did all that and I thought I could do something b-but...I failed. I couldn’t help her! I..I…”
“Need to understand something important,” The Captain finished the sentence for her. The older Ruby kept the rumble of her voice calm and even. Matter-of-fact, but not unkind. Currant liked that about her. “You can’t always help someone. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that it was your fault. It wasn’t your responsibility, but you tried. No one can do more than that. Sometimes a Gem needs to learn to save herself and understand that all others can do is offer a hand up. And if that help is rejected, that’s not your fault either.”
A hand was stretched out to her and Currant took it, holding tightly to the warm fingers wrapped around her own. Accepting the extra strength and support. She glanced back at her Lady and found her head firmly turned back around by The Captain's free hand.
“Stand up and go inside now. I’d like to talk with our Clarity privately.”
Currant nodded and scrambled to obey, almost landing back on her rear from the pins and needles in her legs, but she shook it off and ran back to the tower. Or she did start in that direction. Really she did. But as Currant stepped out from under the pavillion, she scooted behind one of the bushes planted around it instead. Peeking from her hiding spot, she saw the older Ruby kneel down.
“My Clarity? Mistress?” There was no answer. The Captian stood up again, bringing her booted heels together with a snap loud enough to make the noble flinch. “Sapphire, I’m speaking to you and I expect for you to give me the respect of sitting up and looking at me.”
Inch by inch, the body on the ground uncurled and shifted into a sitting position. It was hard to tell where she was looking under the bedraggled mop of hair, but Sapphire was facing in the right direction and that seemed to satisfy The Captain.
“You frightened my Ruby,” she continued, now that she had Sapphire’s attention. “Did you even notice that she was crying? Did you care or were you too lost in your own world to notice the one around you? This is one reason why I asked you to stay away from them. You convinced a young Gem that you were her friend and then you discarded her like a toy.”
“Stop!” For the first time since the conversation began, The Captain’s voice was raised and Currant winced along with Sapphire. The noble had struggled to her knees, mouth open to maybe yell back, but no sound made it past her lips and she wilted under the stern glare that had been turned on her. “Don’t argue with me. What would you call something you play with when you’re happy and toss aside when you aren’t? I don’t know what happened tonight and I don’t particularly care. But she does. Think on that.”
There was something oddly gentle in the Ruby’s voice at the end, despite the gruff words. Apparently that was all The Captain felt motivated to say, because she turned on her heel and marched out of the pavilion. By Currant’s bush she paused and the young Guard wondered if she was about to be in trouble for ignoring a direct order, but The Captain never looked in any direction but the Tower.
“I've had enough for one night. I'm sure any Guard of mine will be in her place by the time I get up in the morning and that the Sapphire will be back in her own room as well.”
When the sound of The Captain’s boots faded into the distance and Currant heard the faint boom of the large doors closing behind her, she crept out of hiding. Gratitude flooded in, warm and comforting, to drive away the last of the chill. The Captain had all but said her absence was going to be ignored until dawn. The older Ruby didn't often show her feelings, not like the rest of them, but Currant believed strongly that she was kind in her own way.
Maybe “kind” didn't always mean just hugs or gentle words. It was making sure someone got what they needed too. She needed something. And a hug wouldn’t hurt either. If Sapphire was also a kind Gem, as Currant believed she was, then asking for it wasn't going to be the end of everything… even if it might feel that way.
Her Lady looked up when Currant tapped on the side of the arched entrance. There wasn't any door, but she still felt it was good manners. Sapphire had taught her that too. The other Gem looked as nervous as she felt, but in the end she also was the one to speak first. Brushing the hair out of her face so Currant could look right into her blue eye, Sapphire held her arms out wide and called her faithful Guard's name.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Sapphire was sobbing, but that was okay. Currant was crying too and they were both wet anyway. What mattered was that her Lady - her friend - sounded like she meant it this time. She patted the frailer Gem’s back and rocked them both back and forth until the tears, like the rain, came to an end. “I should have explained what was wrong. You must have felt like it was all your fault.”
“...yeah.”
Currant buried her face in her Sapphire’s shoulder. Thin fingers ran carefully through her curls, smoothing them down as much as they ever could be. Sapphire’s usually musical voice was raw and raspy, but that was okay too. Honesty was the best sound.
“I’m not… accustomed to explaining myself to anyone. You and the other Rubies are the first friends I’ve ever had. I can’t excuse it, but I want you to understand I’m still learning too. Just like you are. There are things you know that I don’t, so… I’ll try to let you help me. I want to learn.”
Sapphire had pushed gently at her shoulders until Currant had to lean back and look her in the eye. Her Lady looked very serious. And hopeful. It hadn’t really crossed Currant’s mind that there were things Sapphire didn’t know about. It was her Purpose to know the Future and to answer the mysteries no one else could in the same way that it was Currant’s Purpose to protect her. She looked at her Lady’s tired little face and tried to imagine the stress of being the one who was always expected to Know. How frightening it would have been to ask questions or to admit to being unsure, because that would have meant failure.
Everything, from her Garden to herself to her friend needed room to grow in. Once again, Currant found herself thankful they would never be seeing Homeworld again. She didn’t like to think of places that didn’t allow growth or mistakes. Or change. The young Guard smiled encouragingly to her Sapphire, taking the other Gem’s hands and warming them in her own larger ones. Even the flowers and vines peeked in through the latticework, nodding with the last drops of rain, seems to be agreeing with her.
“If it’s not too late, I’d like to tell you a story about fish and lightning storms.”