Work Text:
The day was dragging itself slowly, the sun blazing through the windows and turning the office into a only slightly bearable stuffy prison, AC at the max. Ryan shuffled his bare feet under his desk—his sneakers lay discarded to the side, carefully placed where his sweaty, warm to the touch feet wouldn't touch them.
It was hot, to put it mildly.
Ryan wished he could go home already. There was nothing much he could do today other than boring, desk work. Most of this season's editing was on capable hands, and he had finished reviewing content for the next season earlier that week. Now he should be focusing on the bureaucratic emails and digital forms he was supposed to be handling before they started filming for True Crime. But his mind was somewhere else—mostly by the pool in Shane's building, drinking an imaginary drink with as many ices as he could fit in one glass.
Taking one swing of his—now warm—Coke, he switched tabs to his Gmail again. There were a handful of new emails in his inbox, but his attention got caught by one sent from Kelsey Impicciche to him and Shane. " Video proposal? Short segments + office experiment ", the subject line said.
He clicked on it, skimming through the words before starting over again, paying more attention this time—he could only blame so much on the heat. He let out an amused "huh" as he got to the end of it.
Hey guys!
Thank you so much for the Sims series again. The one with Micki and Dori has just surpassed 2mi views! But the murdery episode is still off the charts wrt stats.
I'm writing this to ask if you'd be available for an experimental video? I'll list the details below, but it would be a test to see how fast rumors spread within the company. I've got three people in, and I'm contacting another five aside from you guys, so we can try different scenarios.
In your case, I thought we could either go with a pretense that you guys are thinking of leaving BF or that your relationship is turning into something else (romance, rivalry, you name it). HR is in it, and so is Paola—everything got greenlighted, in other words.
Let me know what you think, and if you're interested + have the time for it .
She then listed technical details such as time of filming, the crew involved, and the ok's from the supervising team. Not that anyone did that—Ryan once got roped into a video after quite literally bumping into Keith in the hallway—Kelsey was very diligent and one of the most organized people he knew in that office.
He considered the offer for a moment. Sure, he had the time—they had just finished filming Supernatural, and they had a little over two weeks until they started filming True Crime. He also thought it was an interesting video. Someone had tried to do this in 2016, but it fell through, as he recalled, and the office was hyper aware of gossip for some time after that. Doing this with Shane could be fun, regardless of what they were going with, and besides, Ryan wasn't one to decline guest appearances like that. Especially not from someone as dedicated as Kelsey.
Glancing over at Shane's empty desk, Ryan wondered if he should text him. Shane had taken the day off for some routine dentist appoinments, and probably wouldn't see the email until later that day. Typing out a short, but positive answer to Kelsey, Ryan sent it out to both Kelsey and Shane before trying to distract himself again with anything that was not brain-numbing work.
With Shane okay-ing Kelsey's request as well, as expected, they went together to the first meeting about two days later. Ryan hadn't put much thought into it—whatever Kelsey had come up with, she'd probably have an entire plan laid out before they even got there, so it's not like they'd have to do much themselves. Shane echoed the feeling—he was always happy to be on other people's videos, so it's not like he worried much about it either.
"So," Kelsey said from her side of the table, smiling, her laptop in front of her. It had a couple of stickers that Ryan recognized as characters from Overwatch, even though he had never played the game himself. "First I'd like to thank you guys for taking the time to do this."
"Sure!" Ryan said.
"My pleasure," Shane nodded.
"The idea is very basic, but I have put some thought into it, and I think it has the potential to be a very funny video if everything works accordingly." She laughed, more out of nervousness than anything, then cleared her throat. "Basically, I want people to give off hints that could be interpreted by the people around them, if anyone's paying attention, and that would definitely become a rumour if anyone is gossipy enough. Which isn't a bad thing in itself, we like to talk about ourselves in here, it's all out of love."
"Yeah, of course," Ryan agreed. "As long as I don't have to pretend to hate the Lakers, I'm good."
Kelsey laughed, and Shane smiled, "Like anyone would care."
"Well, I would."
"Alright," Kelsey was trying not to laugh, but she was clearly delighted with the effortless banter in front of her. "Have you thought about the options I laid out for you in the email?"
Ryan and Shane exchanged a blank look.
"That's fine, you don't have to. But please keep those in mind because I don't want you to feel like what I'm suggesting is the only option, ok?"
They nodded. Kelsey nodded back, readying herself.
"I would like—I think we could try to fake a relationship between the two of you. A romantic one," she clarified. She was starting to look anxious, like she was dreading what their reaction might be to her idea. "You'd start being more affectionate towards each other, slip a petname here and there, and see if anyone catches on. Then we'd track the reaction you got, use our little spies," she and Ryan laughed here, "to see if there's any talk about you going around. And meanwhile, you'd keep track of what you heard, acting as spies too to help us see how other participants are doing."
"And what are they doing?" Shane asked.
"I'm not telling you. I don't want you to be biased, you know, so you're not learning any other names in this, and I'd ask you to not reveal your part in it either, so no one knows you're in as well. So. What do you think?"
She looked expectantly at them, clearly nervous. Ryan turned to Shane. His friend was twirling the tip of his moustache, like he had been doing since he had let that abomination grow in, deep in thought. It was not like Ryan to back away from something once he had agreed to it, even if on the most basic terms, but he was hesitant with this. Pretending to date Shane? How would they even do that? Would that mean they'd have to kiss? Ryan looked away, embarrassed at his own train of thought.
At that moment, Shane asked, "For how long?"
"Oh, a couple of weeks, tops. I don't want to ask anyone to act for longer than that, it's just too exhausting, I'd imagine. And of course," she suddenly added, as if remembering just now. "I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with, or that could, I don't know, harm you in any way. I know friendships here run deeper than office relations, some of us have friends in common, so I wouldn't want your lives to be affected by this at all. If you have significant others or something, or if there's any chance your personal life could be affected by this, we can think of something else."
Shane shrugged, then turned to Ryan. "There's nothing stopping me. You?"
"Not really," Ryan said. He didn't have anyone at the moment—hadn’t had for a long while, for that matter—and he was pretty sure his family wouldn't be surprised if they heard about him and Shane.
Which was something weird to think about. He tried not to.
"I think it could be fun," he joked, grinning at Shane. "You'd have to be nice to me."
"I am nice to you."
"Right, I would have to be nice to you. Nicer," he added before Shane could interject again. "I would have to buy you coffee or something."
"Which you already do."
"Fuck, I do." Ryan turned to Kelsey, still grinning. "I don't think anyone's even gonna notice anything, we already act like an old married couple."
Before Kelsey could answer, Shane said, "We don't act like we're fucking, though."
Kelsey closed her mouth, amused.
"I guess that's true," Ryan conceded. "Alright. I guess we're doing this then."
He smiled at Kelsey, but something about Shane's observation got him worried. What if people thought they were, indeed, sleeping together? Would that change anything? How would they react, would anyone confront them on it? He thought about asking Kelsey how they were supposed to react if that happened, but ultimately decided against it. The more natural his response was, the better. He didn't want to ruin her experiment by being a bad actor, and he was sure that Shane could pull it off. If he was lucky, no one would corner him alone to ask about this—Shane would hopefully be around, and he'd handle it with grace, like he did most things.
Fuck. Was Ryan really signing up to fake date him for two weeks?
When he turned back to Shane, he saw his friend smiling that gentle, relaxed smile of his. He looked so at ease. Ryan wished he could stop overthinking this, because he knew they could have a lot of fun pretending to be a couple for the office. He could already imagine Curly's face witnessing anything of the sort, and his delighted, not-so-subtle comments on it.
Oh, he hoped Kelsey had someone to "spy" on Curly. He could definitely get the rumour ball rolling.
As they stood up and agreed to keep in touch with Kelsey via their newly created message chat, Ryan was equal parts worried and excited. They had nothing to lose here, but he was still concerned with… He couldn't even put his finger on it. It was probably his anxiety talking, he told himself.
They left the room together, turning a different corner than Kelsey.
"We should think of petnames," Shane commented as if commenting on the weather.
Walking by his side, Ryan nodded. "Maybe something to do with the height difference, although I dread the dumb short jokes you could shoehorn into a petname."
"Nah, I'm a gentleman, my partner deserves more than a cheap joke."
Partner . Oh God.
"Besides, I imagine you're thinking of calling me something of that nature, and it wouldn't be fun to have both—"
Shane was interrupted when Curly turned into the hallway they were just walking out of. None of them stopped, but Curly slowed his pace, eyeing both of them.
"Oh lookie, lookie, who I'm seeing walking out of the bathroom together. ¿Qué haces, papi? " He asked Ryan, who couldn't come up with an answer and instead just scoffed and smiled as if dismissing him.
What Ryan wasn't prepared for was Shane's reaction. He did this thing where he looked like he would've jumped in place if he were a little less collected, then avoided Curly's eyes, looking down and picking up the pace. He walked past Curly running a hand through his hair, and Ryan had to step up to follow him, not missing the way Curly's mouth formed a perfect “ O” when he walked past him.
He caught up to Shane when they reached their desks. The slunched over, slightly embarrassed Shane was gone. He was humming a song to himself—the same song he had been humming for a good month now—and sitting down in front of his computer, face completely relaxed.
"How—" Ryan started, but decided instead to mimic him and sit down at his own desk. "Dude, you're wasted behind the cameras."
"I know, I know," Shane joked. "What can I say? I was born for Hollywood."
Ryan lowered his voice to whisper, "Isn't it bad, though? I mean, that Curly—That he saw us leaving the, uh. The bathroom. What if he thinks we were boning in there?"
"Isn't that the whole point?"
"Yeah, but not here! What if HR hears about this and thinks we're fucking around at work? Literally."
"Ryan," Shane turned to look at him, all calm eyes and knowing smirk. "Kelsey warned them about it. They know it's a scam."
"Oh yeah. Right. Yeah."
Ryan turned back to his screen. He went from thinking this was a good idea to fearing this was the worst idea ever in the span of five minutes. He wasn't expecting it to happen so fast. It. This. He actually didn't know what he expected. Maybe a few laughs, some over-the-top impression of boyfriends. This was straightforward. He wondered what it looked like for someone looking from outside out? Someone who had worked with him for a long time, who knew both of them.
Only two weeks to go, and maybe he'd find out soon enough.
Ryan brushed his wet hair out of his face again. He was less than happy to walk into work with his hair like that—not that he hadn't done it before, but he had been on such a good streak of flawless hairstyling that it was rather depressing to just have the wet mop of hair fall flat on his forehead like that. He tried brushing it back with his hands, tried to get it to stay in place, but it resolutely fell back as the wet mop it was. Well. Nothing to do here, he supposed.
Just as he got out of his car, he spotted Shane leaning against the building, quite in the opposite direction from where he should be if he got there taking the subway as he usually did. Which could only mean he had been waiting for Ryan. He still had his bag slung over his shoulder, so yep. Definitely waiting for Ryan.
"You better have a good reason for this," Ryan said, pointing to his own head as he approached him.
Shane smiled. "I see you're still not a morning person."
"Aren't you a genius," Ryan said, marching towards the entrance with Shane on his heels. "Care to explain why you texted me late at night asking me to wash my hair?"
"I asked you to come with your hair wet, you didn't need to wash it."
"How else was I gonna get it wet?! And why—"
He stopped abruptly when the elevator doors opened to reveal three of the new interns walking out, talking fast. They entered the elevator and Ryan pressed the button to the second floor.
"Is this about Kelsey's video?"
Ok, maybe he had been worrying about that. Maybe he had spent the better part of the night thinking of ways to act romantically towards Shane that weren't too obvious. But he had good reason to worry, didn't he? He couldn't straight up kiss him, or hug him, or anything of the sort—not that he would, anyway. Or would he? No, he couldn't, they had to be discreet about it. Subtle. Let people draw their own conclusions.
And Ryan had very few ideas about how to make that happen.
"It is," Shane said simply. He didn't offer anything else, looking down at his phone, as calm as a person can be. Ryan sometimes envied his ability to just not give a fuck.
"I still don't get it."
Shortly after that, as they got to their desks—Shane surprisingly feigning tardiness, even though it was barely past 9am—Ryan thought he understood why. A few heads turned their way and stayed there for a big longer than usual. He caught Jazzmyne's eyes as she watched them with eyebrows raised, smiling embarrassed at being caught staring and looking down at her notes. Matt, standing more to the back towards the break room, was looking in their direction too, amused. Ryan greeted him with a nod and he nodded back, slowly, clearly holding back his smile. Shane was already sitting and busying himself with his computer, and as Ryan turned to him to ask if he was seeing that, he realized something.
Shane's hair was wet, too, although less of a wet mop than Ryan's.
Then it dawned on him.
"Oh my god," he said as he sat down at his desk and stared at the screen in front of him. "I can't believe this."
"They think we did it, oh yeah, they do," Shane singsonged in a low voice, not even looking at him.
"Why didn't you tell me, jackass?"
Shane glanced his way, grinning. "And have you ruin it by overplaying it? Nah. It's perfect."
Ryan could feel his neck hot. Well, if he had any reservations about doing this, it was kinda late to do something about it. He had just walked into work with Shane, both freshly out of the shower, which to anyone in that office looked like they drove there in the same car. Coming from the same place. Having woken up in the same place.
It was brilliant.
He looked around. No one was watching them—he was well aware everyone had better things to do, but he expected a camera, or maybe someone surreptitiously taking a picture of them. There was none of that. He had to remind himself that this wasn't high school. Even if people did start talking about them behind their backs, it wasn't going to involve finger-pointing and knowing smiles.
Well. Maybe a few knowing smiles, he corrected himself when Jen walked past his desk and then took two steps back to take a better look at them, frowning. She smiled at Ryan, tilted her head in a questioning way, to which he shrugged as if saying " What?" . She shook her head, " Nothing ", and walked away with her coffee.
Ryan turned back to Shane.
"Alright, so I guess we're officially fucking. Well, not officially. Officially to them. We're most definitely not fucking."
There was no answer. Shane just kept clicking and typing and pulling things out of his bag. It was that that reminded Ryan he was there to work, and not to worry about what his coworkers were thinking. He started setting himself up, too.
"Don't you feel... weird?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper even though there was no one sitting in front of them. "Exposed, just—I don't know. I feel weird."
Shane chuckled. "It's alright, man. We're two consenting adults having fun. Nothing wrong with that."
And Ryan understood that, he really did. He wasn't so much worried about people speculating about his love life—he had a handful of nosy aunts who were far less subtle about their speculation—but there was just something ticking him the wrong way. Maybe he was just worried about how that could turn back to them, if people would be less than positive about it, or if it somehow left the confines of the office and found its way to the internet. Or maybe, a small part of his brain supplied, he was worried because he had always tried so hard to make sure no one thought that of them. Especifically them, Ryan and Shane. He was always so cautious, so meticulous about how close he was to Shane in public. He didn't want to give anyone a reason to speculate about them, and he was just playing it safe, wasn't he? He didn't want to make things weird. He didn't want Shane to feel weird about it, or to feel weird around him. No, he always made sure that didn't happen with them. No matter how mocked he was afterwards for his awkwardness at the slightest touch of hands.
Thankfully, by the time they left work that day, Ryan was busy enough to have forgotten about his early day worries. He had been discussing the editing of a video with Patrick when Shane came back from wherever he was and started collecting his stuff. Seeing that, Patrick apologized to Ryan, saying, "Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you this long, man. We can continue on tomorrow."
Ryan blinked. "We can keep going, I'm not—Are you leaving?"
"No, but I thought you—" Patrick glanced between him and Shane, seemingly confused. Ryan's tired brain took a few seconds to catch up, but eventually it did.
"Oh, no, it's fine, we're not leaving together. Right? Shane?"
He turned to see his friend nodding, absentmindedly, still busy with his chargers and earphones. It seemed enough to Patrick, who then went back to fixing the timing on a specific bit of the animation on the screen. He was focused on it and didn't see the way Ryan tensed up when Shane stepped closer; he draped his jean jacket on the back of Ryan's chair and turned to leave, saying over his shoulder, "Remember to bring yours tomorrow, it's getting cold at night."
Ryan had to battle a smile off his face. Shane was ridiculous. Just because Ryan got a runny nose once after getting quite the chilly wind after work, didn't mean he was that prone to colds. It wasn't until Patrick had turned to him that Ryan realized he couldn't keep the smile from his face after all.
"I'm happy for you, man," he said before turning back quickly to the video.
Ryan pretended to ignore that, and the nervousness from his voice, for the rest of the time they were there.
"How is that even possible?" Ryan absolutely did not shriek, taking a big swig of his beer. "Why did everyone jump that conclusion so fast? We just shampooed our own hair!"
"You did, I didn't."
"Oh yeah, forgot you just stuck your head under the tap. Weirdo."
Shane grinned at that. He was watching their friends making a fool of themselves on the dance floor—TJ was especially happy, rocking a flower on his hair and posing for Mark's phone camera as Sara laughed.
"But I mean, is it really the first thing they land on? We're fucking each other? Why? How?"
Ryan opened his texts again to see Kelsey's message on their GC—she told them with lots of exclamation points that they were doing an amazing job and they already had a few people wondering out loud about their relationship. It felt odd at first, to think that their coworkers were gossiping about them—even though that was exactly the theme of the video to begin with—but Kelsey reassured them that it had all been in good faith, as she heard. People were just unsure if they should address them as a couple, and if they had announced anything. Ryan finished his third beer of the night with a pout.
"This is so dumb," he continued, deciding to ignore the fact that Shane hadn't contributed anything to the conversation so far. "Even if it's a good video, how are we gonna convince everyone that it was all an act and we're not actually boning?"
Shane raised his eyebrows. "That should be easy, since we're not."
"Yeah, but they don't know that!"
"Are you drunk?"
"Who am I, Madre Teresa? I’ve barely even started. I'm fine."
Shane was just shaking his head, a smile creeping up his lips. "You know, you seem very stressed about this whole thing, Ryan."
"I don't mean to. Fuck, I’m sorry. I'm being an asshole, right?"
"You're not, I'm just... worried about you," Shane said. He sounded earnest. "We can stop it if you'd like, you know. Kelsey would understand."
"You think so? Man, but that'd be lame. 'Oh hey, sorry, we're gonna have to drop out of the video, Ryan here is worried about looking silly, like he doesn't all the time already.'"
Somewhere close to the bar, they heard TJ hollering excitedly when an Ariana Grande song came on. Sara's laugh echoed through the place before more people joined in singing, a cacophony of drunken voices over the chatter from the tables. They were in silence, drinking, Ryan staring sadly at the table when Shane spoke again.
"Look, it's alright. It's one thing if you had been paired up with say, Kelsey herself, but with silly ol' me? It is kinda ridiculous, so if you don't wanna do that, we can come up with another reason for it too. Like, say, we're filming soon and we don't have time to play boyfriend. There. She'd understand."
Ryan looked up as Shane was talking. He barely waited until he was finished to argue, "That's not—That's not why I'm uncomfortable, what are you talking about?"
"Isn't it?" Shane was confused.
"Of course not. Why would—You're great. I mean, not that I want to bang you, which I don't, but if I did I wouldn't—This isn't the problem, you're not the problem here, trust me. Although, yeah, well—"
"What?"
"I—" Ryan hesitated. How was he going to word this? How could he explain that he was kinda awkward because he didn’t want to make Shane himself awkward? It sounded dumb even in his head.
Right at that moment, they were interrupted by a very drunk Mark who almost crashed onto the table. "You guys should be dancing! What are you doing here, get up, you old bickering ladies!"
He managed to drag Shane to his feet, and almost fell to his butt trying to do the same with Ryan. But Ryan stood up anyway, ready to follow Mark into the dance floor. Shane sent him an amused look that said " welp, here we go! " and Ryan decided to leave that conversation for another time. Not that he wanted to have it anyway, but hey. It was a wrapping party. They should be celebrating.
And as Shane took the lead and started dancing in the most Shane way possible, long arms flailing everywhere at once, Ryan thought to himself that Shane was wrong. There was nothing ridiculous about being Shane's partner, whatever that meant. He made a mental note to tell him that someday.
It wasn't very Ryan to be up at 8am on a Saturday, but there he was, jumping from one foot to the other as he finished the transaction. The page loaded to show his purchase had been successful, and he did a little dance of his own—he was still wearing his pajamas, and he almost sent his glasses flying from his face with excitement, but he did it . He made sure to check the invoice he got in his email, and then the tickets, and danced some more.
Alright. Maybe he was very pleased with himself.
"Oh buddy, it's on ," he said to his empty apartment. He rushed to change clothes and look presentable enough to face the world, and in a few minutes he was out of the door and driving the 20 mins to Shane's place. Not for one minute did he worry if Shane would be there. Unless he was at home in Illinois, Shane always slept in on Saturdays. That was almost his religion.
"Ryan, why are you awake," was the first thing Shane said when he opened his door to see Ryan standing there, beaming at him. Shane's hair was a mess, and he was yawning and scratching his two-day stubble, standing there in the doorstep. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah! Yeah, don't worry, everything's fine!"
Shane gave him one more confused look before he stepped inside again, leaving the door open so Ryan could follow him inside. He went into the kitchen, all lazy limbs and sleepy eyes, and Ryan perched himself on a stool at the kitchen counter.
"Guess where we're going tonight."
Still only half awake, Shane grunted in response, then a couple seconds later said, "No idea. I didn't think I was leaving the apartment today."
"Oh, but you are. I mean, we are." He opened his arms, excited. "We're going to Santa Fe, baby!"
"I—What?"
"That's in New Mexico, in case you're still trying to turn your brain computer on."
"I know where Santa Fe is," Shane sounded almost offended, but only almost. "What—Why?"
"You know how you said you were only waiting for Arctic Monkeys' tour in the US and you'd be the first in line?"
Shane's eyes widened comically. "What?"
"Well, you weren't the first, I had to make sure I had the tickets first, which I have, so—Tadah! You're finally gonna sing along to that boring album of yours in the appropriate place for it!"
"You're shitting me."
"Nope. Not shitting you."
"Ryan," Shane let out a shocked laugh. "This is insane. They will be here in LA this year."
"I know that, but we won't be pretend boyfriends then, and I needed to step up my game. Everyone knows I'm a romantic—"
Shane's lips curved up and Ryan pointed a finger at him.
"Yes, everyone knows that, and I am one. Don't you dare start on this again. I bought you tickets to the concert and both our plane tickets. We are going, buddy."
"You're insane." Ryan just shrugged, and Shane laughed again. "You're absolutely mad, Ryan, oh my god. That's great! I mean, the show. I love it, I love that we're seeing them, but you must've spent a fortune on this?"
"Nah. Enough miles on my credit card to get us in and out of New Mexico for a penny."
Shane was still standing there, laughing, staring at him like his friend had gone insane. He seemed to accept it then, resuming what he was doing with the coffee machine. "Alright, whatever you say, man. Wow. You're committed to this thing now, aren't you?"
Ryan was. And he was happy, too. He had come a long way to get rid of all the toxicity in his life that he had soaked in during his childhood and college days, and he was more than happy to put that to use. Even if it meant pretending to date your best friend and coworker, and spending a couple hundred bucks on something for him. Besides, Shane deserved it—he had been raving about that goddamn album for months now, and if attending a concert would make him happy, hell, he deserved it, didn't he? Ryan was happy to make people happy. That was the whole point.
He ignored whatever bells were ringing inside his head about how that could mean something else entirely. He was not letting the theme of the video get to his head—he was not letting his paranoia ruin this for him. For them.
They boarded the plane in the afternoon and got to Santa Fe with enough time to check-in at their hotel—nothing too fancy, just close to the venue—and eat something. Shane cracked a joke about how he should've booked them a double bed instead of two single beds, and Ryan was proud of himself for not freaking out. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that there was no one around to hear that. He didn't have to worry about explaining the joke, or making it clear that it was just that, a joke. He could join in on the fun and add that yeah, he should have, but well, there was always their haunted locations to make up for that.
Shane could barely contain his excitement. He got a couple of pictures of himself in front of posters of the band, making silly poses and making Ryan laugh.
"Get closer!" He half said, half shouted to Shane to be heard. They were at the concert then, a little to the back, not wanting to be crushed between hordes of fangirls and fanboys in the front of the stage. There was enough room where they were standing to turn around and take a selfie with the stage in the background—even if Alex Turner was just a bright dot that no one could possibly recognize from this angle.
Shane did as he said. Ryan complained that he should get closer, come on! ; they were trying to sell a story here, and Ryan Bergara never did anything in halves. That was when Shane wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist, effectively hugging him from behind, chin a few inches from his shoulder.
It was a stroke of luck that the picture came out looking alright, because Ryan almost let his phone fall in surprise. He typed in some nonsense or two as caption and published it to his instastories. They couldn't see Shane's arms around him in the picture, but they were considerably close—either too close, or under an angle that gave that impression, which was exactly what Ryan had been aiming for.
Still, Ryan had a hard time turning back to the stage and paying any attention to it for a solid ten minutes after that. He was certain that his neck was red, and he was avoiding looking at Shane, which was easy because Shane was completely engrossed singing to every lyric the band was playing to. That was... Well, that was something. It had been a while since Ryan had been hugged like that by someone that was not his immediate family, and he felt weird thinking that he kinda enjoyed it. But he shouldn't, should he? Feel weird. It was an innocent pose. Nothing to it. He barely even felt Shane's body on his, just his arms. But his heart had definitely picked up pace when Shane had embraced him, and he found himself wishing he had taken longer to take that picture. If anything, to at least figure out what was so nice about it. Was it just his loneliness talking? Was it because they were doing this boyfriend bit, and he was pretty much interpreting that as a boyfriend thing?
Was he considering how would it feel to have Shane hug him like that again?
Luckily for him, the concert went on for a while, and Shane was too excited to realize there was anything going through his mind. They had a few drinks at the bar after the show, but they were tired, and decided to call it a night before too long. Shane was still singing in the shower when Ryan came back to their room with a couple more water bottles and a bag of chips. That calmed himself somewhat. He had done something good, and Shane was happy, so what was there to worry about, really.
After all, he discovered as he opened his Instagram and started scrolling through the replies he got to his stories, his plan had worked exactly like he wanted it to.
There were plenty of heart and heart eyes emojis, and a couple less lovely messages that he had learned to ignore by then. What called his attention, though, was that a few of their friends had replied to it as well.
nicolaang: awwwww that's cute
saraerubin: SHANE YOU LUCKY SON OF A BITCH this is adorable!!
zackevans: wait, are they in LA?
zackevans: oh no they're not.. damnnn good job man
Curly had sent several heart emojis of every color and size, and a couple of clapping hands. Ryan was smiling like a schmuck at his phone when Shane waltzed out of the bathroom in sweatpants and a large tshirt.
" Take it easy for a little while, come and stay with us, it's such an easy flight ," he sang to the room, arms open wide and all. Ryan laughed at his performance, watching with a smile as he plopped down on the other bed and checked his phone, still humming to the rest of the song.
"That," Shane said as he locked his screen right after, looking at Ryan. "Was amazing. Thanks for that, Ryan."
"Nah, you'd go to one of their concerts soon enough anyway."
"Yeah, but not this one! I'm telling you, that boy Alex was channeling something there, and it was just wonderful. More than wonderful! That was an experience!"
Ryan laughed again, Shane's excitement very contagious as always.
"Did you have a good time?"
"I did, yeah. I still think some of their songs are boring as fuck, but man, anything from AM is still," he kissed his fingers like an Italian chef, making the lines around Shane's eyes crinkle when he smiled.
"You're so mainstream," he joked, as he had done plenty of times before when their music tastes came into conversation, with a faux indignant voice. "You can't appreciate real music!"
"I'm sorry, who here creates music for his stupid sentient food show?"
"Well, some of us need to be musically creative."
Ryan threw a pillow in Shane's face, both of them laughing too loud for how tired they felt.
"Fuck you, Shane. Go find your underground bands with three fans and leave me alone here to live in the real world."
"Oh that reminds me, did you post that picture?"
"I did," Ryan said, the laughter suddenly dying in the back of his throat. He made sure to keep his voice level. "It's in my stories. I tagged you."
Shane unlocked his phone again, probably to check Instagram. "Thanks. That was smart, by the way. Oh, it looks nice!"
He sounded genuinely pleased with it, so Ryan sent him the original, without the tags and the time limit. It took Shane a minute to say, "Well, we sure look good in it."
"You mean we look good together?" Ryan joked before he could stop himself. It echoed in his ears immediately afterwards, a dumb, stupid joke that he regretted making the moment it left his lips. He didn't even sound like he was joking, he thought—he sounded curious, hopeful, and that was just awful. He felt embarrassed to the tip of his ears, avoiding catching any glimpse of Shane with the corner of his eyes.
"We always did," Shane said simply, unaware or ignoring Ryan's small freak out. "But we look particularly good in this."
Ryan didn't answer, and they fell into silence—one that Ryan wasn't sure was a comfortable one, but he wasn't about to open his mouth either. He still felt happy about how that night went, but he couldn't deny now that he was feeling confused. About his feelings, about himself.
About Shane.
And how very high school-ey of him, he thought. To be wondering if he had a crush on a friend, as if he wasn't open with that person, as if he and Shane weren't close enough to talk about this and be forthright about it. But Ryan was scared of the answers he would get, and besides, he felt like he needed to figure himself out first before bringing it up to Shane. Whenever he did.
Shane sent him a video with baby goats, laughing about it with him, before they said goodnight and went to sleep. Ryan took some time to fall asleep, furiously thinking of how he could figure this out while simultaneously playing Shane's boyfriend for another week and a half.
He dreamed of spaceships and riddles, but Shane wasn't a part of it.
Things were mostly normal for the rest of the week. They were sweeter towards each other in public, but nothing extreme—Shane got Starbucks for Ryan the next Monday, a few more Ry ’s made their way into Shane’s vocabulary, and there was some friendly leg nudging in meetings, but nothing too out of the ordinary for them. For those who saw them arriving together that Wednesday, and those who saw their picture in Santa Fe, though, it was something. Kelsey was regularly updating them with how they were going to get shots of them by surreptitiously filming the office, and how there was a considerable number of people confused as to their relationship status.
Somehow, on Tuesday, Andrew seemed under the impression that there's a big celebration coming up, as he started listing Shane options of easy recipes in case he wanted to impress "someone", saying that his girlfriend was very impressed when he made something for their one month anniversary. Shane listened attentively and pretended to take notes, but he cracked up when he told Ryan, who was alarmed that it had reached Andrew, of all people. Andrew never gossiped. Andrew didn't even know what's going on in the office most of the time, much less now that Steven was away in NYC. He considered it a success of sorts, while Shane wiped tears of joy from recounting how serious Andrew got about chopping onions.
There was a bit more touching, too. Ryan made sure to touch Shane's arm when he thought it was convenient, and Shane got used to putting a hand on Ryan's lower back when they were boarding the elevator together, or walking through a door. Small touches that really, meant nothing to them, but that translated into new intimacy nonetheless. Ryan only realized how easily they had grown used to it when he propped his feet on Shane's lap as they turned in for their Horror Friday—a tradition that going on for two strong years now, whenever they had no plans for Friday night—and his first reaction wasn’t to pull his feet back.
In fact, Ryan let Shane massage his sock-clad feet as they got comfortable to watch the French mystery series they had lined up on Netflix. It took him the scene of a couple snuggling together to sleep to remind him that he was maybe too comfortable—he looked down and saw Shane's hands still on his feet, not massaging, but just... there. Holding him. There was an elbow resting on his calf and he hadn't even noticed.
"Sorry," he said as he started pulling his feet back.
Shane was distracted with the TV and let go of his feet immediately, "No, it's no problem. You can keep 'em here."
He patted his lap, making Ryan laugh, albeit a bit nervously. "No, it's alright. You don't have to."
"Ryan," Shane made a face at him, as if he wasn't bothered by it, really, don't worry . He paused the episode before they missed any more subtitles, and turned back to him. "What is it?"
"What is what?"
"Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm not acting like anything."
"Then lemme massage your damn feet, man!" Shane said in a high voice, getting an amused smile from Ryan. "What's the matter? I give excellent massages."
"You do. But we're not actually dating, you know."
"I know."
"You don't have to do this."
"Hey, you're not forcing me to."
Ryan opened his mouth to answer, hesitating. Instead, he just put his feet back where they had been, and Shane, smug, started squeezing his toes in exaggerated movements, like a masseur from a silent movie.
"See? It's all good."
"It is," Ryan said. He was smiling, but his face betrayed the thoughts in his head. He decided to be honest about it. "It's very intimate."
Shane watched his face for a moment, then shrugged. "Would you be more comfortable if you paid me for it?"
"No! Then it's like you're another kind of masseur!"
"What, the kind that gets paid?"
"The kind that would offer a massage to my dick too."
Shane laughed, "Why, is it tense?"
Ryan playfully kicked him on the sides, laughing with him. "Jackass."
"Hey, I have your toes in my hands, I'd be nice to me if I were you."
"What are you gonna do? Break them?"
Grinning slightly maniacally, Shane did the opposite—he used one hand to tickle underneath Ryan's right foot, which kicked up in the air in surprise.
"Fuck you, Shane!" Ryan said in between laughs. Shane just went all in with it, tickling both his feet, taking off his socks for better access. "No! No, stop! I surrender! Please, I surrender!"
They were laughing, and Ryan was trashing on the couch as Shane tickled his feet with intervals only long enough to give him a false sense of security. At some point, Ryan decided to make him pay for it, so he sat up and attacked Shane's sides, making him laugh so hard he was snorting and tears were rolling down his cheeks. It was a chaotic few minutes of them just trying to out-tickle the other, Ryan almost falling off the couch, and Shane successfully hitting his head on the wall behind them. When both felt like they didn't have enough air to breathe, they stopped, panting, still giddy with laughter—and maybe lack of oxygen.
Shane turned to face Ryan, and they realized rather belatedly that Ryan's new position sitting up meant that they were face to face. Indeed so close that Ryan was a few inches from being on Shane's lap. They just stared at each other, trying to catch their breath, not saying anything. Ryan could see every one of Shane's eyelashes, and he could see one last tear nestled in the corner of Shane's left eye. He brought his hand up to wipe it out, licking his lips unconsciously when Shane closed his eyes as his thumb got close to it.
There were no words needed there. As much as they liked to talk, as much as their entire friendship was an ongoing conversation that never seemed to run out of topics, right now neither felt like they needed to say something. Ryan could read that on Shane's face, on the way his mouth was forming the smallest of smiles, and the way his eyes were searching his, curious, intrigued. Ryan didn't know what he himself wanted. He just knew that there was him, and there was Shane, and there was this moment. He could kiss him like this. They were close enough for it, and Ryan could trace the curve of Shane's mouth with his gaze. They could stay like this forever, he felt. Just taking in each other, standing on the edge of that cliff, unsure if they should take a step forward.
Ryan's phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of them, and that got him back to the present, at least partially. He smiled apologetically to Shane, and extricated himself from their tangle of limbs to look at the notification.
"It's about the Nevada location," Ryan explained. He never opened work emails during the weekend, so he dropped his phone again. "Good news, it seems like."
"Good," Shane agreed. He looked like he couldn't stop smiling, and Ryan thought he probably had the same dumb face on.
Sitting on his side of the couch again, legs to himself, Ryan indicated the TV and the forgotten TV show they had paused. "Are we watching this still?"
"Yeah, sure."
Shane hit play again. They were in silence, watching the mystery unfold in the episode, but this time Ryan could tell that it was a comfortable silence.
They had nothing to say, not now. But something had shifted, and they both knew it. Ryan tried not to let it show how excited his heartbeat was, but he was sure he was smiling for the rest of that episode, unstoppable.
They had few opportunities to hang out with friends after work, given the sheer amount of workload both of them—and the entire office, if they were being honest—had on their shoulders. Thursday and Friday went in a blur, and Saturday was taken mostly by brainstorming in their BUN Discord server ("We're not calling it BUN." "It's the acronym, Ryan." "I know what you're doing and no, we're not calling it that." "Someone needs to have some bun ..." "I will murder you in your sleep.") When Sunday rolled around, Kelsey had some news for them.
Kelsey I
How do you guys feel about filming the wrap up interview on Monday?
Ryan
Already? Thought we still had this week to go?
Kelsey I
We planned for it, but the rumor spread so fast we don't need to wait any longer, really!
Good job :)
Shane
Our pleasure.
So Monday?
Kelsey I
Yes. 10am, studio O, is that doable?
Ryan didn't know where Shane was today, but he knew where he would be for the rest of the day. At home, doing nothing, maybe eating the ice cream he had been saving for his Queer Eye season 2 bingewatch—which still needed to happen. There was nothing interesting going on in town, and even though some of his friends were going to a club, he didn't feel like partying, not really. He didn't feel like being social today either, even though his mom had suggested he visited them later in the afternoon.
Truth is, that week had been busy, yes, but it had also been... oddly pleasing. He and Shane kept their act of little touches and lingering gazes, but Ryan had felt too happy about it to consider it acting at this point. He had leaned into it, heavily, enjoying all the times he got to nudge Shane's foot under their desks, all the times Shane had asked to take a sip of his drink or asked him to tie a bracelet around his wrist for him. It was so small and insignificant, and yet. Yet Ryan felt so close to him the whole time. And painfully aware that this wasn’t all in his head—they were too close on purpose , playing the part of two people falling in love with each other.
Shane had showed up for work on Friday with his best jacket draped over his arm—except it wasn't his best jacket, it was just the one Ryan liked the most, and that he had borrowed countless times before, when they were out and it was too damn cold for his Californian blood. When Shane had handed him the jacket, Ryan had looked at him like he was about to ask what that was all about, but Shane beat him to it, saying he could have it if he wanted—and if he didn't, he could leave it in his car so he'd always have a spare jacket for emergencies.
Ryan's smile was probably blinding, because he couldn't stop himself from beaming at Shane, all teeth and thankful eyes. Shane's eyes had lingered on him for a second too long, a slight smirk on his face. They didn't even bother to look around to see if anyone had caught that. Too immersed in their own world, they were content to look at each other and let the jokes and the friendly banter follow their natural course.
So if Ryan was a bit sad that the entire thing was about to be over, well. He felt justified. Not that he thought they would go back to how they were before—no, he was pretty sure there was a shift in their relationship. But they wouldn't have the excuse anymore, and they would have to dot the i's and cross the t's, so to speak. Maybe even more than that, because how do you go from pretending you're together to actually trying to be together? It couldn't be as easy as Hollywood made it seem.
And since Ryan was human, and his anxiety was just the tiniest bit worse than it usually was on humans, he started overthinking it. There was enough to go by to imagine that Shane knew about this, whatever this was. He probably understood by now that Ryan wasn’t that good of an actor. Now, would he be interested in making it real? Or was he not that into the idea?
That into Ryan?
The thought itself was funny to begin with. He had never imagined Shane interested in him, but then again, he had never—Wait, no. He had. He had entertained the idea of being with Shane, because how could he not? Shane was 6’ of brilliance, jokes, good hair, beautiful smiles. He had an easy way about him that drew Ryan closer to him before they even realized how much they had in common. And my God, did they have things in common. They even had the same favorite Fast and Furious movie, and no one liked the second one. They had grown past the coworker phase so fast that before Ryan knew, he had met Shane's brother and parents. A friendship like that was rare, Ryan had been told over and over again.
Maybe it was even rarer because it was more than friendship. Not in the sense that romance was above friendship, because Ryan had learned the hard way that that was bullshit. But in the sense that whatever they had, it was solid. It was real. And if ended up with them being each other's best man, or each other’s groom, it didn't matter. What mattered was that they were . And Ryan hoped with all his heart that Shane thought the same.
He was so distracted by his own thoughts that he didn't hear his phone going off. It was only when he heard knocking on the front door that he got out of his reverie. He tried to fix the chaos that was his hair, and realized rather late that his breath stank, but he didn't have a choice but open the door... to find a disheveled Shane standing there, two shopping bags in hand.
"Hi! Sorry, I didn't know if you were there, but you weren't answering your phone." He said, not moving, just standing there with two bags in his hands. "I brought snacks!"
"Why?" Ryan asked, confused. Then he corrected himself, "I mean, not that I don't appreciate it, but... why ?"
"Can I come in?"
"Sure, yeah, of course."
Ryan stepped back to let him in, spotting several bags of chips and what looked like homemade brownies in Shane's shopping bags. He followed Shane in, watching how Shane seemed slightly less graceful, more of a nervous tilt to his steps. He dropped the bags in the living room table that doubled as a dinner room table and turned to Ryan. Yeah, he was definitely a bit nervous.
"I think we need to talk."
"You think?" Ryan glanced at the bags and was met with a dismissive movement of Shane's hand.
"I didn't want to show up unannounced and empty handed. You know. Like an idiot."
"We do that all the time."
"Yeah, well," Shane gesticulated wildly for a moment, then shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. "This is kinda different."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Ryan, I... I don't want to overstep here, and please let me know if I do so, but I feel like—I feel like we should address whatever is happening between us. This," he motioned to the empty space between them. "I feel like we're closer, but not at the same time? Maybe we just are not on the same page, and that's fine, I understand that, but I—I honestly don't know how to do this, I don't know what I'm saying—"
Ryan didn't want to interrupt him, so he didn't, but he was having a hard time keeping his smile at bay. Shane always had that effect on him, he always made him smile no matter what, but now... Now he was making Ryan all warm inside, too, and there was something awfully adorable about Shane Madej, in all his bigfoot glory, at a loss for words in the middle of his living room.
"What I mean is, I think we have something special. And I know, I know, that sounds corny, but I do truly believe that. And I think you can see it too, because I know I haven't been the best at hiding how much I absolutely, one hundred percent love you. Like you!" Shane corrected himself quickly, tilting his head in shock at what had come out from his mouth. "Like you. Adore you. I don't know if we should be naming anything here, I really don't, I just meant to say that I... I liked being your fake boyfriend these past couple of weeks, Ryan."
"Yeah, you're not too bad of a boyfriend yourself, Shane," Ryan said with a big smile. Shane was smiling back at him now, and Ryan also knew that this was the effect his smile had on him.
"And I'd like to see if we can, I don't know. Do a little smooching on the side to see if it's something we'd like."
"Wow," Ryan raised his eyebrows, trying hard not to laugh. "So romantic."
"Listen, I'm trying my best here, ok—"
"I know," Ryan cut him off before he could err too close to self-pitying zone. "And you're doing amazing. I was kinda driving myself crazy before you got here, because I thought we wouldn't have the words for this, whatever this is, but—Yeah, I should've expected you to have them. The words, I mean. You're good with words." Shane mocked a bow, and Ryan laughed. "You're still an idiot, though."
Still half bowing, Shane raised his eyes to look at him, "An idiot you'd kiss?" He asked, winking at him.
Ryan couldn't believe him—he laughed, hard, throwing his head back and everything, before he crossed the distance between them and grabbed Shane by the neck, making him lean down to meet his lips. It was new, it was different, but it was also familiar. Like they had been doing this for a long time before they stopped, and now there they were here again, meeting halfway—
"Fuck," Ryan pulled back suddenly, covering his mouth with a hand. "I forgot my breath stinks."
"It does," Shane said, laughing when Ryan punched him playfully on his arm. "The stinkiest first kiss in history."
Groaning, Ryan ran inside to brush his teeth, telling Shane to go fuck himself as he laughed and followed him into his apartment, saying that that was a joke and he didn’t mind. He stopped at the door to Ryan's bathroom, waiting with fondness written all over his face as Ryan used a face towel to wipe at his chin and mouth.
"You're an idiot," Ryan offered, to which Shane laughed.
"An idiot you'd kiss."
"Among other things."
That made Shane raise his eyebrows in surprise. Ryan just walked over to him, laughing, and kissed him again, enjoying the way Shane's hands found their way to his waist.
"I'm gonna need a list of those other things," Shane said against his lips.
Ryan smirked. "Good thing I'm great with lists."
Kelsey was staring at them like she was waiting for them to tell her they were joking.
"We're not joking," Ryan clarified. He cleared his throat, glancing at Shane sitting beside him. Shane nodded. "And I'm sorry for screwing up with your video, we kinda... didn't see that one coming."
"Oh, I did. We all did, actually."
Both Ryan and Shane blinked at her.
"Not that this was the intention!" She was quick to add. "This is a serious video and I'm still doing it, and I think we can add your part and make it a little less on the nose in editing, but—Yeah, I mean, we had pools for when you guys were would finally get together a couple years back."
"Are you serious?" Ryan asked as Shane laughed.
He replied, "Oh, she's serious. Steven Lim had a big part in it."
Ryan turned to him, surprised. "How did I never hear about this?"
"No one wanted to get punched in the face."
Kelsey snorted at that, and Ryan remembered why they were there in the first place. "So we didn't ruin your video?"
"Oh no, of course not. If anything, you made it better, because if you're considering going public with your relationship, there's really no better build-up than this."
"The fanfic writes itself," Shane joked, high-fiving a very amused Kelsey.
"I think we could wait a couple of months," Ryan suggested, turning to Shane. "What do you think?"
"I think a couple of months is good. Maybe telling our friends first before putting it in the internet."
"Can I just say," Kelsey interrupted what was probably a very awkward scene to watch as a third party. "That I wish you guys all the happiness in the world? Seriously, you guys deserve it. And you guys deserve each other, too."
"Kelsey, what did I ever do to you?" Shane asked in mock offense.
Ryan cracked up, while Kelsey widened her eyes, "I meant that as a compliment, you guys!"
As they walked out of the room, Ryan did what he had been thinking about since the day before. He took Shane's hand in his, feeling the expanse of his palm against his, how thin and firm his fingers were in his. The position forced them to be so close their shoulders touched—well, Ryan's shoulder touched Shane's upper arm. He looked up at him, at the face he had been looking at for so long it looked as familiar as his own at this point. He saw Shane's lips curving into a smile, and couldn't resist kissing him, brushing their lips together in the softest way.
"Ready to go from fake dating to real dating?" Shane asked.
"Ready. You?"
"Never been more ready in my life."
And still holding hands, they walked into the busy office again.