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“Hey, ‘I thought rhinos were vegetarians!’” Peter called out to the man facing him, quoting Ice Age, a movie he had just shown to Steve (he figured that Steve and Scrat shared some similarities, both having been frozen in ice, but the humor was lost on Steve… he was just slightly confused as to why Diego didn’t just eat Sid, he was so annoying. And it kept getting worse as they watched the second, and the third, and fourth.. And fifth movies, all in one night).
Aleksei Sytsevich, who was the man facing Peter, instead of rolling his eyes at the taunt like a normal person, just got madder. The Rhino stamped his feet, dropped to a linebacker’s stance, blew air from his nostrils, and charged .
Peter laughed, jumping up and all over the Rhino as this repeated several more times, keeping the man-beast well-contained within Central Park, actually with very little damage being done. He would crawl up a tree, make another quip (generally something about how rhinos were stupid, smelly, or slow), and then jump about twenty-five feet in the air when the Rhino came close to him.
As Peter was basically playing with Rhino, Iron Man flew overhead.
“Kid! D’you need any help?” yelled Tony.
“Nah, Mr. Stark, I’m doing just fine. Do you need anything?” Peter asked back, shooting a web-ball at Rhino’s eyes, making him bellow in pain.
“Yeah! That’s why I was out patrolling, I was looking for you! It’s already 7:00, and it’s a school night. If you want to get your homework done and still work on the suit, you’re going to have to wrap this up now.”
Peter somersaulted over Rhino yet again as he giggled, “I think you mean web this up.”
Rhino snorted, charging and trying to take down Peter yet again as he yelled, “You’re still in school? Well, Spider-Man, it will take more than a mere child to contain me!”
“Bro, I literally just captured you, like, two weeks ago,” Peter sighed. “Hey, that’s a fortnight. Ayyyy Fortnite!” He flipped over onto Rhino’s head and hung over his face, saying, “Bro, Fortnite Season Five, bro?”
“I am not your bro!” Rhino yelled, jerking his head back and forth, finally ending up throwing Peter off and into a nearby tree.
“Oh, God, that’s right, you’re a Russian… you’re my… my comrade…” Peter muttered, seeing little spots in the corners of his vision.
“Spidey! You good, buddy?” Tony called, concerned.
Peter blinked wide. “Yeah, yeah, I’m… fine…” he responded, still a little slow on the uptake.
Karen, silent until now, cleared her throat. “Peter… you may have a light concussion. You should stop moving around so much so I can get a brain scan.”
“Karen, I’m fine,” Peter whispered.
“I’ll just… um, I’ll just get this guy for you, okay? You stay down for a minute,” said Tony, turning back towards Rhino. He started blasting him as Peter got up, still trying to convince Karen that he was okay.
“Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaimed, and Tony turned around. “I’m totally fine, I got this, I can- SIR, LOOK OUT!” Peter shouted.
While Tony had been distracted by Peter’s time with the tree, the Rhino had, for once, kept kinda silent and charged right towards where Tony was standing. So what else could Peter do than jump in front of his mentor?
Tony turned in time to see Peter suddenly appear in front of him, punching Rhino into dreamland.
“Got him,” Peter breathed in relief. “And you’re not even hurt!”
Tony stood still, aghast at what had almost happened. “Pe- errr, Spider-Man, thanks. Wow, that could have been bad. Are- are you okay?”
“What? Me? Yeah, I’m totally fine,” he said to Tony, while at the same time murmuring to Karen, “Shit, shit, shit that hurts what just happened to me?”
“You have been stabbed, Peter.”
“Ya think?!” he exclaimed.
“What?” said Tony, jumping a little from where he was using some of Peter’s spare webs to secure Rhino.
“Nothing!” Peter smiled, before turning back to Karen, “Umm… so… what part of me was stabbed?”
“Your right lower abdominal cavity has been punctured, but the sensors in the suit have been damaged in that area. I cannot perform a complete scan. This may be vital to your health, as the right lower abdominal cavity contains the appendix, and-“
“Ok, Karen, that’s enough. I’m fine, this will heal in like two hours flat, there’s no need to alert Mr. Stark-“
“Shall I alert Mr. Stark?”
“What?! Karen, I- no! I just told you not to do that.”
“I am sorry, Peter. I did not mean to cause you stress.”
Peter sighed. “Look, it’s okay. Just… yeah, I’m just gonna go to Stark Tower now so we can work on the suit.” He said the last part aloud for Tony, who nodded at him before blasting off.
Peter looked at his stomach, where he had gotten stabbed, relieved to see that the blood that was most likely present had not seeped through. He took a step towards a nearby lamppost to start swinging from, and almost fell over from wooziness, the ground seeming to buck and roll beneath his feet, his vision swimming once again.
“Woah! Karen, is there an earthquake or something?” he exclaimed.
“No, Peter,” she replied, calm as always, “but you have lost over a pint of blood.”
“Psssh, that’s not bad! People donate pints of blood-“
“Now it’s two pints,” Karen interjected. “Peter, you should lie down and put pressure on your wound. Then you should call Mr. Stark. He will know how to deal with this.”
Peter narrowed his eyes. “Karen, I’m fine, I was Spider-Man for quite a while before Mr. Stark started helping me out. I can get to the compound. See, I’ll just use this compression web I designed- “ he thwipped up his side “- and I already feel kinda better, and now I’ll be good to- to go…”
Peter put his hand on the tree next to him, suddenly overcome by a pain in his stomach.
“Oh my God... Karen… can I give birth?” he groaned, almost gasping for air. His stomach was on fire, and he suddenly felt really nauseous. And on top of that, his vision was getting spotty, and his hearing was starting to fade in and out. “Karen… Karen, help.”
“Peter, I think your appendix has been burst,” she said in a hushed tone. “You are also losing more blood.
“Karen, this is bad. This… this is really bad. I need to… to Tony… Tony can…” Peter stood up, and fired a web at the lamppost.
Karen gasped. “Peter! I do not think you should move from this spot! I can call Mr. Stark right now and have him come get you…”
But Peter didn’t hear Karen, as not only was his hearing impaired from the blood loss, but he was also in such severe pain from his stomach that he thought he was going to fall over.
And yet, Peter took the web he had fired and started pulling himself along, determined to get to Tony all by himself.
That is, until his eyes decided to turn off and he fell unconscious mid-swing.
“Peter!” Karen yelled, trying to get the teen to snap awake. “Peter, this is dangerous! This violates my No Call Protocol and I am activating the Parent Protection Protocol and calling Mr. Stark! Peter! Wake up!”
But Peter was blissfully unaware, having succumbed to the blackness that was standard from losing three pints of blood and the acute pain felt by having his appendix burst.
—————————————
“Mr. Stark!” Karen’s voice rang through Tony’s workshop.
Startled, Tony flinched from where he was working on the conductors in his suit’s wiring, and whacked his shoulder on Dum-E’s concerned arm.
“Goddammit you little robot, move! Also, what do you need Karen? Has Peter found another cat to adopt?” Tony said the last part as a joke, but he was also slightly afraid; less than a week ago, Peter had randomly called, all panicked, and it had turned out that he had just found a box of kittens. Which Pepper had convinced Tony to adopt. Which Bucky had taken over. Which was fine by Tony, he definitely didn’t need those dumb cats around the tower…
A kitten slid over towards Tony, mewling pitifully, and he picked it up and started rubbing its ears, and loud purring ensued. So loud, in fact, that Tony almost missed Karen saying, “... and now he’s unconscious!”
Tony’s head shot up, hitting Dum-E once more, and as he cursed, he said, “Wait, what? What do you mean, unconscious? How… did he… what…?”
“Sir, as I just said, when Peter saved you earlier, he was stabbed by the Rhino’s horn. He said he was fine, but he actually is very hurt right now. My sensors were damaged in that area, but I have reason to believe that his appendix was burst when his abdomen was injured. He has lost nearly forty percent of his blood now, and-”
Tony sat there, shocked, until Dum-E hit him on the head to get him going.
“Karen!” he wailed. “Alert Dr. Banner to get the med-bay ready and tell him the situation. Send me Peter’s coordinates right now! And Dum-E, if you touch me one more time, I will sic the kittens on you!”
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Peter felt awful. The sun was so bright, even through his eyelids, which were so very heavy. And his intestines… it was as though a pencil or something had been set on fire and then he had been forced to eat it, and now he was digesting it. Along with some razor blades and a side of chainsaws.
He groaned, trying to roll over to his side to maybe alleviate some pain, but he found that even the slightest movement sent waves of nausea through him, and that it was so hard to stay awake to try to accomplish anything.
Suddenly, a loud sound reached his ears, a sound that was... familiar? And a voice… a voice he was certain he knew… “Pete! Oh, God, Peter , what the hell did you do?” He knew that voice, knew it for sure. As he forced his eyes open, recognition dawned on him - it was Tony Stark! But how did he know Tony? Maybe he should just close his eyes again, that was so much easier...
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The kid had a dazed, glassy look in his eyes, and his lids started to droop, but Tony smacked his cheek, pleading, “C’mon, kid, c’mon, Spider-Man, stay awake a little longer. You’re gonna get through this, I promise. You can totally handle losing forty percent-”
“It’s forty-five now, boss,” FRIDAY put in.
Tony sighed. “FRI, not helping. Fine, forty-five percent of your blood. And a ruptured-”
“Pierced, boss.”
“FRIDAY!” Tony cried. “Not helping at all! A pierced appendix, yeah, that’s no big deal for you! Yeah, you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, just stay awake, kid, stay awake please… ” He picked up Peter and began flying back to the tower.
Peter’s eyelids had fully closed, but now he mumbled, “It’s okay, Dad, I’ll be fine. I just… just scraped my knee at the soccer game, I’m okay… I’m okay… You’re here now, and I’m fine. It’ll be alright, Dad.”
Tony’s eyes widened, but he didn’t close them fast enough to blink away the tears that had started forming.
“Dammit, Peter,” he whispered.
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“BRUCE!” Tony hollered as soon as he got in the compound. “BRUCE! I NEED YOU NOW!”
Bruce came running up with a gurney, and quickly took Peter from Tony’s arms and laid him down on it. He called to Helen Cho and Shuri, asking them to get the surgery room ready and then a whole bunch of other medical jargon that Tony tuned out as he made to follow his kid, his kid, when he was stopped by...
“Pepper!”
“Tony, I swear to God, you need to calm down.”
“Pep, I’m totally calm right now, see, my heart rate is-”
“ 180 beats per minute Tony, and your temperature has risen, and you’re breathing way too fast, and you are bordering on a panic attack and you need to sit down right now!” Pepper shouted, touching a plate on the side of the neck of the suit to force it to open. Tony stumbled out, his face as white as Peter’s had been and covered with a sheen of sweat, his eyes glazed with tears, his hands shaking like an old man with Parkinson’s, his chest heaving up and down. Pepper gasped, and quickly led Tony over to a bench.
“Okay, Tony, you need to breathe ,” she said, as Rhodey came running up, followed Bucky, who had a kitten in each hand.
Bucky sat next to Tony, took one of the kittens, and shoved it in his hand. He forced Tony to move his other arm towards it and begin petting it, and Tony eventually continued on his own.
“I have another cat at my place in Wakanda - Dot, a tabby,” Bucky explained, “and… and at the beginning, when I was coming out of all the stuff I did, I would stroke her and she reminded me that it was all okay. Life was real and I had someone who needed me, I couldn’t shut down. I figured that the same would work for you. That’s Athena, by the way,” he pointed to the sleek gray kitten. “This one,” he gestured to his own tiny, white cat, “is Aphrodite. I think Ares is down in the lab, but that might be Apollo. Wait, no, there he is! Along with Artemis!” Bucky kept babbling about the cats, who were all named after Greek gods for some reason (Peter’s idea, apparently), and Tony actually started to calm down, listening to the Winter Soldier’s deep, gravelly voice and petting the cloud of kittens that had started to form around him.
He became so calm, in fact, that, exhausted by an all-nighter the night before and by all the action of that day, he actually fell asleep on Bucky’s shoulder.
Rhodey and Pepper smiled at Bucky’s scared look, and told him to keep still for a while. Bucky sighed, and then nodded off of his own accord. Pepper went to go alert May, and Rhodey left to go watch Peter.
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Several hours later, Bruce came out of the surgery room and found Tony and Bucky still fast asleep on each other.
“Well,” he said, waking up the pair, “I thought that was Steve’s job!” he smiled. “But no matter, Peter’s all better now, he did well in the surgery, not that much leaked out from his appendix, but it’s all gone now. And we replaced most of his blood, he’s still out about a pint or so, but hey, he’ll replace it within an hour or two. And-”
“What? Peter’s good? Then let me go see him!” Tony surged up from the bench, dispersing the pile of kittens on himself and Bucky, and quickly ran into Peter’s room.
Bruce ran after him, calling, “Tony, wait!” He grabbed his friend’s arm. “Peter’s still not awake yet, and also his aunt’s-”
“Oh,” Tony stopped as he entered the room. “Hi, May. How’s… how’s it going?”
May looked up at him, unwinding her arm from around Rhodey’s neck, where the two had fallen asleep together watching Peter. “He’s actually okay,” she whispered, before turning back to her vigilant position, watching Peter sleep.
Tony pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the bed. “You’re… not mad?”
She sighed. “Tony, if I got mad at you every time my kid got hurt, I would always be mad at you. And it wasn’t your fault, you know what type of kid he is - to selfless for his own good, with a sense of self-preservation that rivals Steve’s. That is to say, he doesn’t have one.”
Just then, Steve walked in the room. “Someone say my name?”
“Yeah, they were talking about how stupid you are, punk,” Bucky said, strolling up behind him.
Steve rolled his eyes, and then pulled up a chair beside Tony, his raised eyebrows asking, What happened?
“I was in danger, he saved me, got hurt. The usual,” Tony stated.
“Ah. Of course. Well, as they say, ‘that’s what you do in a herd,’” Steve quoted, to the stunned silence from those in the group. “It - oh, come on, it was in a movie Peter and I watched. This mammoth saved a tiger and then the tiger saved him back, and…” he registered the shock that had turned to barely contained laughter, as he stopped talking in embarrassment.
“We all know the plot of Ice Age, Steve,” Rhodey said.
“I’m surprised you paid that much attention,” came a quavering voice.
“PETER!” the whole group shouted.
“Woah, woah, calm down, you guys are louder than the chainsaw it feels like I just ate. Also, the lights are super bright, so could you…?” Peter asked, and then sighed in relief as Bucky leaned over to turn down the lights. “Thanks, pal.”
“No problem, kid,” came the reply.
Peter sighed again, content, until a loud entity burst into the room.
“PETER! WHAT THE HELL?” screeched Shuri. “WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DESIGN A COLD RESISTANT FEATURE FOR YOUR SUIT AND NOW I’M BEING TOLD THAT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU LOST FOUR AND A HALF PINTS OF BLOOD AND RUPTURED YOUR APPENDIX? HERE’S ME, HELPING FIX YOU UP, YOU PASTY WHITE BOY, AND NOW THEY TELL ME THAT I DIDN’T DO A GOOD ENOUGH JOB?”
“Actually, it was pierced, but whatever,” he said, as the room cowered in fear of the princess of Wakanda. “And you did great, it’s just that… wait, how long do I have to rest for?” he asked.
“Sorry, Peter, but it will be about… 24 hours,” Bruce said, wincing at the onslaught of verbiage that greeted him from both Peter and Shuri.
The rest of the group quickly filed out and left the two teenagers to argue with Bruce.
“Well, Steve, I never thought I’d say this, but you’re officially part of the weirdest herd ever!” said Tony.
Steve rolled his eyes, asking himself why he had ever watched that movie with Peter.
Bucky jumped on his back, and Steve could feel him smiling. “Forward, MUSH!” he called.
Steve rolled his eyes yet again (they were getting pretty tired), and, running past the others with Bucky, wondered what he had exactly gotten himself into.