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Spock spends another three weeks on Yorktown with Jim and really, Jim doesn't want him to go. It had been the most fun that Jim has had since he arrived and he would miss him when he left.
“Come with me.” Spock buttons up one of the rows on Jim's boots, kneeling in front of his bond mate, Jim reaches out and places his hand in Spock's hair, running his hand through it.
Spock seems to relax, always did when Jim played with his hair.
“I can't and you know that. I'm needed here.”
Spock stops, and stares up at Jim. “Are you? You're not really needed and I hate to say it but anyone can do your job Jim. There is no one, not even me that can replace you on the enterprise. They need you aboard the ship. I need you aboard the ship. I miss holding you, touching you. Kissing you. I want you to come back back with me.”
“I can't Spock. I'm the only person here qualified for the job. Unless they find someone else then I can't go anywhere.”
Spock stands. “Then I shall stay. Mr. Sulu can take command. He's my commanding officer, I'm sure the ship will be in very capable hands.”
Jim shakes his head, he didn't want this for Spock, he couldn't ask for Spock to give up command of the ship, it wouldn't be right for him to ask him to give up his life then same way that he did.
“No! Spock I can't ask you to give up command. I know that it's important to you.”
“You are important to me Jim. More than anything in the world and if I am not by your side then what is the point of us even being together?”
“What are you saying Spock? You don't think we should be together?”
“If you're willing to constantly put a strain on our bond, then maybe we are not meant to be. Maybe we should head to New Vulcan and dissolve the bond.”
Jim snorts. He knew Spock could be overly dramatic but this is ridiculous. “There is no strain. Everything is fine between us.”
Spock shakes his head, heading towards the door. “Look into our relationship these last few months and ask yourself if everything is fine between us Jim.”
^.~
Spock's gone, so is his entire crew two days later. Since the little argument that the two of them had Jim hadn't seen Spock and they left on a bad tirade.
He had gone through his mind, looked back and they hadn't seen each other since Jim.took the position on Yorktown. They chatted but they hadn't seen each other in person.
And the visits, especially the last one Jim found himself spending more time working than actually being with his bandmate and that wasn't right.
He didn't want to lose his bondmate, his husband, his lover.
He couldn't.
“Are you sure about this?” Emira stares at Jim, she had been his right hand through this all. No one knew the position better than she did. He wouldn't have anyone else to handle the job better than her. “You're giving up so much.”
“I'll lose so much if I stay. My husband was right. We were breaking away from each other and I can't lose him. This job was a way for me to have time on my own and by doing that I realized that I was pushing him away, we were heading down a path that would have ended up with us losing each other. And I can't do that.”
Emira nods. “I understand. If you ever want to come back I'm more than willing to step down from the position and make sure that your seat is warmed for you.”
Jim pulls her into a hug. “Thank you Emira.”
Spock
“Sir, we have an incoming request.” Sulu stares back at his Captain. “It's from Yorktown.”
Spock quirks an eyebrow. “Reroute to my quarters. I shall take it personally. Mr. Sulu you have the comm.”
“Yes sir.”
By the time that Spock makes it to his quarters he has a feeling, he only knows one person on Yorktown and he had hoped that Jim didn't take his threat seriously. He didn't want to lose Jim.
He couldn't lose him.
The call from Yorktown is what scares him. His mind tries to rationalize it, Jim is ending things with him. Jim wants to stay on Yorktown and they're going to end up breaking the bond. Spock doesn't think that he could live without Jim.
“Spock to Yorktown. Jim?”
Jim's face appears on screen and the man is crying, or had been crying. It only intensified the schedule in his chest.
“I made a decision Spock.”
Spock sits on his bed. He wants to try to keep his face neutral, he doesn't want to show any emotion. He has to show Jim that he hasn't let this get to him. After all, it was what he wanted.
“And I have realized…”
Here it comes.
He's going to lose everything now.
First his home, then his mother and now his bond mate.
He's lost it all.
“that you're right.”
Spock looks up. “What?”
“You were right. We didn't spend enough time together and it was my fault and I felt as though you were slipping from me. And I've chosen that I want to be with you. I'm leaving Yorktown and I'll be aboard the enterprise within the next week. You can still be Captain, I'll take whatever position that you need me for.”
“I'll be more than willing to step down, Whatever it takes I don't care. You are coming back to me.”
Jim smiles brightly. “And when I get back. I have a lot of time to make up for you. Whatever you want, whatever you want from me I'm going to give it to you when I get there. Never again will we be separated.”
Spock watches his bondmate with intensity.
“I wouldn't want anything more than that.”