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I met an angel on my way to home from kindergarden.
I mean I thought he was an angel because he was trying to protect me from bullies.
How could a person bully someone when they are just so small and young? I didn't know. I thought I was destined to be bullied, I thought god was punishing me for not following my mothers words sometimes, I thought I was choosen for this. What a stupid little boy I was.
But of course my angel made me understand that It wasn't my fault and they were bunch of meanies. What a adorable little boy he was.
His name was Yoongi and he really did look like an angel. He hated it when I told what my first impression of him was like years later. He said "I'm not pure enough to be an angel, I don't deserve that title."
Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't pure enough but I was saved and it is what angels do, right?
Or not...
I don't believe in any of those made up creatures. I just believe in Yoongi I guess. Still what a stupid boy I am.
After Yoongi told teachers this bullying situation, everything actually got better. I didn't want to make my parents sad because of that but he said they would be more sad if I put up with it.
He was right.
Actually he was right about lots of things beside this too. Like I shouldn't be scared of cats and they wouldn't kidnap me if I stare at them for so long or that one time just because I broke one of the mirrors in the toilet I wouldn't get bad luck or when he said your life would be empty without me... Even thought he said that one jokingly he was absolutely right as always.
I didn't know he grow up this much until highschool. I didn't know when he become that distant either. He would always space out whenever I was talking and he would always tell me that nothing is wrong with him. I of course belived in him.
But when his mother died from sickness my belief was nowhere to be found.
I blame myself for not being there when he needed the most, I wasn't there when he was in pain, I wasn't there when he felt weak. I wasn't there at all.
That's when I decided to be always there for him, whenever if he was sad or happy.
And he accepted me for some reasons, he started opening up little by little. I wasn't just "that" person he knew for so long, I was more than that.
I was his friend.
One day at the end of the school he said he met a boy in the park. He wanted to know why the boy was crying and the boy told him he was crying because his mother was sick. That made Yoongi feel connected and he wanted to help him. After that they started meeting regularly in the park.
He would leave me when we got out of school to meet that boy and he would talk to me about all the things they did.
He said his name is Taehyung and added “His smile is beautiful and his voice is soothing.”
It was fun listening to Yoongi talk passionately about something but that fun suddenly disappeared from me after what he said.
"I think I’m in love with him Namjoon-ah.”
Friends would listen to all the other needed to say but why did I feel so uneasy when he said that?
My heart broke into so many pieces, I didn't know what to do. I realised I was such a fool at the time to not understand my broken heart was because I had feelings for him.
"Do you think I'm a bad person just because I fell in love with a boy?" He continued his words with the question.
Of course he wasn't a bad person. He was actually the purest since he was asking this.
"It's not a bad think to love someone Yoongi hyung, whatever their gender is." I answered back. I needed to hear those words too.
He looked back at me with his gummy smile. That precious smile.
"I'm so happy because you are with me."
"So am I." I smiled back at him, dimples full on display. But it would hurt to smile even a little why did I push myself to smile the fullest?
"Thank you." He said with the cutest face. "I should introduce him to you someday."
My heart was getting stabbed everyother second...
And eventually that day came where I met him but it was after Yoongi and Taehyung started going out.
Kim Taehyung was actually really sweet and nice. That made me harder to hate him for stealing Yoongi's heart away. He was just an another angel.
Since they were both angels they deserved eachother right? There was no way I would get my love to be mutual.
But still I was empty without him.
After they dated for a year or so Yoongi started to smile more than usual and Yoongi’s gummy smile, of course, was always pleasure to see. His eyes were so bright that I wanted stare at them forever. I thought to myself I would never make him that happy even if I try. But there was another thing I was missing out.
One night when we went to drinking together after working on our university project he said something ridiculous.
"He cheated on me Namjoon."
He looked broken and that shiney eyes Yoongi always had were no where to be seen that night.
I would never make him this sad even if I try.
"I want to drink until I forget everything tonight." he said while looking at my eyes desperately. I nod.
"If that's what you want, go for it."
He drank so much that day. On the fifth beer I told him to stop but he didn't and drank so much more. As a result he was so wasted.
"Take me to your apartment Joon-ah." He paused for a while and looked like he could vomit anytime. "I don't want to go to mine and sleep in that room Tae used to sleep."
I agreed and we went to my apartment. He started being strange afterwards.
"It's been so long since I was in your apartment." he said with a smile and a hiccup. "When was the last time?"
"When you helped me unpack my stuff." I said and looked at Yoongi. His eyes were shut already.
Since there wasn't any answers from Yoongi, I tought it is the best idea to go to my room and put him in the bed. When we reached to my bed I placed Yoongi there and looked at his angelic face. It was hell of a night but Yoongi looked beautiful regardless. Did he really belong to this world?
I tried to fix his messy hair -it definitely wasn't an excuse for touching- then took of his shoes, pants and that plain shirt i bought him years ago. He was giggling trough the process and having so much fun of his own. He may have said "Stop it Joon" under his breath while giggling but there was no way Yoongi would ever say such a thing.
After dressing him in more comfy clothes I went to living room to get some rest but a while later Yoongi was standing in the doorway.
"Aren't you gonna sleep with me?" he said with a saddish tone. Was he hallucinating?
"Yoongi, sorry to say that but I'm not Taehyung. I'm Namjoon, remember?" I replied with a sarcastic tone.
"I know damn well you are Namjoon, ‘m not wasted enough to forget you." he said and that may or may not made me get into a shock.
"Then why the hell do you want to sleep with me?"
"It's cold."
"Is that it?" I turned my back to Yoongi, trying to sleep on the couch.
"No, no it's not it! Don't turn your back!" He said desperately.
"What is it then?"
"I-I miss you."
I just opened my mouth to say something but he immediately cut me off.
"I so freaking much miss you." He said with a biggest pout I ever seen.
"The truth is I wasn't that sad when I found out Taehyung was cheating on me. Actually I knew he was cheating for the begin with." He gulped and then continued:
"Do you remember after I said I have fallen in love with him you made the fakest smile?" Again he paused. Anger was filling him up every other sentence. "That's how I fucking realised that maybe you had feelings for me, I thought maybe my crush isn’t one sided. Then you decided to support my relationship and I didn't have a choice but to forget you.” His eyes were tearing up. “But I couldn't you asshole!”
"I tried, I-I really tried. Taehyung was a nice person and I was beginning to forget you little by little but you were always by my side with that stupid dimpled smile of yours." The tears were now falling down. I didn't want him to continue any more than this, I didn't want to realise I was the dumbest person for not seeing Yoongi's emotions towards me.
I got up and stepped closer.
"Yoongi are you kidding with me? I was so freaking much in love with you!"
"What the hell?" He was suprised. He probably never once considered I was feeling the same. "So our love was mutual all the time...”
I started wiping Yoongi's tears away.
"It looks like it."
After a small pause our eyes met. We couldn’t help but to laugh at this ridiculous situation. I was definitely the dumbest person alive, maybe even both of us were.
"I-I just can't believe this. I'm... So happy and ruined at the same time that I think I might cry again." He said while putting his hand on my cheek. I hesitate at first but since our stare was getting stronger I couldn't resist the temptation and kissed Yoongi.
When our lips met I felt like I was on cloud nine.
"Joon." he breathed halfway through. I didn't stop. "Joon-ah!"
"What is it?"
"It's too much, you are making me tremble." He said while trying to balance himself by holding onto me. "I am afraid I will forget how your lips feel tomorrow so please let's do this after we sober up."
"You're right." I kissed his forehead. "I can't wait until I wake up to a tomorrow that you will be mine."