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Zach took a deep breath and pushed the button, jumping a little as the expected burst of static broke through the silence. He spoke purposefully into the walkie-talkie. "Say something."
His heart stood still and his chest was tight until a reply broke the silence." You say something."
"Student was bad. Made bad judgment call. Not see truth."
"Where are you?" Zach heard Shaun ask as he watched him through the leaves.
"Getting warmer. Colder." Shaun walked up the short flight of stairs. "Turn around." He stared at Shaun. "I'm so sorry." He meant it with everything he had and he hoped that showed on his face. He saw the suitcases arranged in the hall and his heart sank in the silence.
"You better be."
It wasn't an apology. Shaun didn't need to apologize. Zach knew that. "You sent in my application?"
"Yeah." Shaun sounded maybe like he regretted doing so. Like he was frustrated. Zach looked away and heard Shaun sigh audibly. "Why are you here? What changed?"
"I did." Zach was certain. He set his jaw squarely and Shaun's small nod gave him the small push he needed to continue. "Will you help me?"
"Are you serious?"
Zach nodded.
"Of course. Anything."
Shaun sounded like he meant it and it gave Zach a little burst of hope. "Anything?"
Shaun laughed. "Yes."
Zach bounced on his heals a little, unable to help himself. "I got in. Full ride."
"Yes. I knew it." Shaun stuck his hand out, and Zach grasped it, eagerly. "Are you serious?" Shaun's excitement and his smile were infectious and Zach felt his expression start to mimic it.
"Yeah, I really wanna go this time."
"Of course." Shaun said it like it was obvious.
Zach shrugged. "I turned down the scholarship before." He waited for Shaun's reaction, which was, as anticipated, surprise. "Yeah," he cast his eyes downward and crossed his arms over his chest. "My mom, Cody, everything. I just --. I couldn't walk out. I never told anyone."
"Wow."
"I really wanna go this time. And, you did say you live close."
Shaun stared off to the side for a second, as if thinking, and when he looked back, his expression was eager. "Well, let's do it."
"Yeah?" Zach allowed himself to believe it. Just for a moment, Zach closed his eyes and he allowed himself to be swallowed up in the feeling of Shaun's optimism and the feeling of Shaun's arms tight around his shoulders.
"Yeah. I'm so proud of you, man. So proud. I'm so proud of you."
And that was when it hit him. Zach bit down on his lower lip, took a deep breath and pulled back slightly. It was stupid and the fact that he'd allowed himself to think it, even for a moment, was completely unrealistic.
Shaun tightened his grip on the hem of Zach's t-shirt and he kept his eyes on Zach.
"There's more." It wasn't a question.
Zach spun the band of silver around his middle finger on his right hand and tried to explain but couldn't find the words.
Shaun placed a palm in the centre of Zach's chest. "Spill, man."
"She's leaving." He couldn't look Shaun in the eye.
"Tori?"
He shook his head. "Jeanne."
"Jea- Where? Why?"
"Oregon. With Alan."
"Cody." That's all Shaun said, but it's all he needed to say before Zach felt himself break
"I-" Zach let his arms fall to his sides and he shrugged. There wasn't much else to say. He could see the wheels turning in Shaun's head.
"He still can't sleep anywhere that's not your room and you still feel like you'd be walking out and leaving him. Even though it'd be her that was leaving this time."
Zach just twisted his hands together tightly, almost imperceptibly.
Shaun paused when Zach didn't respond. "Wait. She's not taking Cody with her, is she?"
"Alan's not... You know." Zach closed his eyes and tangled his fingers through his hair and gripped so tightly that his knuckles turned white with the effort. "She thinks I'll take care of him."
"She knows you will."
Zach looked Shaun directly in the eye. "I have to."
Shaun nodded. "Family."
"I can't ask you. I didn't tell you it was a package deal and I shouldn't ever have assumed and I should have just. And, I mean, you probably expected he'd be around because he's been around so far and you've been perfect with him and he's missed you and asked about you but this is so not the same thing. I mean, I have some money saved and if I get an apartment near the campus and sell my car and maybe there'll be somewhere I could work some days, and maybe if I move my schedule around since Cody's going to be in school next year and I could probably manage and maybe--" Zach stopped when he felt Shaun's hands tight on his shoulders.
"Maybe a lot of things. This is not something that you are going to maybe about. He's yours. You are a package deal and I'll take the whole thing."
"It's not that easy." Just wanting something didn't make it so. No matter how much.
"Some things are." Shaun kissed him very softly. "But only if you let them."
"We just. It's. We've never talked about -- You'd do that for me?"
"Partly. Also for him. Sometimes it takes a while to get the pieces to fit together, but if you can get them to fit, they're stuck. You're building your own family, Zach. I want you. And, he's yours. You are - and should be - a package deal." He stopped for a moment and made sure that Zach was looking him in the eye. "And, just because you don't plan for something or just because it's something you never expected in a million years, that doesn't mean it's not the best thing that could have ever happened to you."
Zach shook his head. "She doesn't know when she's going to be back for him. And..." this was the part that physically stung. "It's going to be ugly. She thinks we're going to expose Cody to fuck knows what. And, she doesn't... she thinks... She's not going to want to leave him with me if I'm with you." Zach winced when his voice broke.
"You know, I've never seen her as a mother, but I see you as a dad and I'll bet she does too."
"She might stay. If - when - I tell her about..." Zach gestured back and forth between them. "Us." But not for him. Because of me. And you. The thought remained unspoken, but somehow Zach knew that Shaun understood.
"She might. Or, she might see what I see. You need him. He needs you. And, I want you to have him and to have your dreams for him and your dreams for you. And if I can be a part of that, I want to try. I want to do this for me, too. I want you to be happy. And, I want him to be happy. I want him to know that the world can be a good place and I want to make sure I remember to buy hotdogs at the store. And finish teaching him to use that surfboard that's sitting out back. And, have a reason to come home and someone to keep me honest and a reason to bother decorating my house for Christmas and maybe an excuse to eat pancakes and wear my pajamas until noon and acquaint myself with a whole new generation of Saturday morning cartoons."
"You actually think it could work." Zach didn't try to hide the amazement in his voice.
"I think I could learn. I have you to teach me. And, if we keep at it, eventually the place he's waking up won't be strange to him."
Zach smiled.
"Particularly if the bed is new and red and shaped like a race car?"
Zach raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Maybe."
"And a dog. A boy needs a dog. And, there's going to be three of us. So, statistically speaking..."
Zach smiled. "I think you're getting a little carried away."
"And, do you think if I smother them with enough cheese, I'll eventually be able to disguise vegetables as food?"
Zach let out a small laugh before he even realized what was happening. He felt Shaun's arm slide around his shoulder and he leaned into the touch, making himself fit against Shaun's side. He blushed a little when Shaun kissed the top of his head, but he smiled and slid his arm tightly around Shaun's waist. "Hey," he heard Shaun say. "You don't get to be the responsible one all the time."
Zach laced their fingers together and squeezed. "Promise?"
Shaun squeezed back and kissed him quickly. Shaun's voice was steady and as sure as his stride as he led Zach towards his car. "Promise."