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Nico let out a sob, it tore past his throat like chimera venom. Why did stuff like this always happen time, what did he do to deserve watching helplessly as Percy fell into Tarturus. He felt his heart wrench painfully in his chest. 'Stupid, idiot Nico,' he berated himself silently in his head, 'why didn't you help, why didn't you save him, why didn't you fall instead.' If he stopped to think, he would know rationally there was nothing he could have done to save Percy. But he wasn't thinking rationally, he was upset and angry.
Before he could continue to berate himself he heard a knock on the door of the med bay room he had claimed as his own.
“Who is it and what do you want?” Nico growled, his voice a little horse from disuse. “Hey death dude, you coming to dinner?” It was Leo's voice. “No” he replied simply, the mention of food made his stomach clench uncomfortably. “Are you sure? Jason was going to discuss how we are going to get to the house of Hades, and we kinda need you to tell us were it is.”
“go away Leo” He shouted, he heard footsteps leading away from his door.
Nico felt his heart lurch. Of coarse, they only wanted to see him because they needed something. That was all anyone wanted a son of Hades for. They would never ask for him to be around unless they needed something. He was a means to an end nothing more. He remembered his father telling him once that he would never find a place among the living. He didn't want to believe the bastard, but life was proving his father right. Everyone either left or died, or started hating him. After the battle of the Labyrinth Percy had ignored him, up until he appeared at the son of Poseidon's party. He had been all ears when the goth told him he had a plan, but once he had heard it he made Nico leave, claiming it would never work. Nico saw past that though, he just wanted Nico away, gone from the house before someone saw him hanging out with the 'freak'. Percy probably didn't know just how much it had hurt the Ghost King to betray him. When Percy had given him a hate filled look Nico had felt like throwing himself into Tarturus. He would have deserved it if Percy had run him through with Riptide, or just strangled him to death. Even after Percy had said he forgave Nico he still had nightmares about everything that could have gone wrong.
Another knock on the door roused him from his dark musings.
“Leo, I told you to go away” The boy shouted. “Nico, we need your help, none of use know where the house of Hades is on the living side” Jason's voice rang out clear and crisp, “if we are going to save Percy and Annabeth we need you to help us get there.”
Nico sighed again, the only use for a broken, tortured, useless, disgusting monster like him was to lead the heroes to the gates of hell, where they would, most likely, sacrifice him to save the life of their golden boy and his smart, beautiful heroine. The boy whimpered in distress. He was a idiot if he though for even a moment that Percy would ever love him. The best he could hope for was that Percy would find some use for him. If he survived the house that is. But that was what he deserved. After all, since when did the gay freak get the happily ever after. Happiness was for good people, monsters were destroyed and sent to Tarturus. Nico stared at the Stygian iron knife attached to his thigh. All he wanted to do was make Percy happy, and let the beautiful son of Poseidon live his life with Annabeth. He wondered if after the quest he could disappear into the Hades cabin. He could use the knife, its not like anyone would miss him. Percy might wonder where he went, but it wouldn't take him long to forget Nico. The son of Hades wondered how long it would take for them to find his body. He also wondered if he should write a note, he doubted anyone would bother reading it.
Probably not, they never cared before what the evil hellspawn said before. He rose quietly form his bed. He would figure it out later, once this quest was over. Right now, he still had a use, and he would make sure Percy made it out of Tarturus alive and healthy, even if it cost what little excuse for a life Nico had. Because in the end, he would be dead, no longer a burden on Percy's happiness, one way or the other.