Work Text:
It was nighttime once again and you had been dreading as the moon replaces the sun. In your point of view people usually enjoys watching the sunset, how romantic it can be, watching the sun retire for the day and letting the moon takes it place. But it’s different for you; it had been the hardest time of night. You felt your chest tightens and your mind starts to whisper things to your ears. You weren’t sure if it’s your mind playing tricks with you or if the whispers were true. Pacing around the living room, you tried the breathing exercise that Connor told you to do when panic attacks creeps up on you. You try to quiet your busy mind, focusing on the exercise instead.
“Come on [Name], you can do this” You want Connor to come home; you want him to hold you, make this feeling go away. You took a deep breathe through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, ‘You can do this’ you can continue to recite in your head. Waiting for the panic to subside but it never came. It seemed to make it worst. You reach for your phone dialing Connor’s phone number with your thumb hover over the ‘ok’ button. It didn’t feel right calling him at a small matter like this. He’s currently working at an important case and you couldn’t bother him because of your panic attacks. You placed your phone by the coffee table maybe some fresh air would help you lighten up the mood.
Connor finally finished his shift for the day and he’s never been so happy to come home to you. He unlocked the door to your shared house, calling out your name in the process, “[Name], I’m home” he waited for your response but heard nothing. Curious, he thought that you might have left the house running some errands but it has been pouring rain since he felt the station. He looked around the living room looking for any signs of you, only finding your phone by the coffee table. Walking towards the table, he picks up your phone with his number still present at the screen. It seems that you were in the progress of calling him but changed your mind last minute.
“[Name]” he calls your name, “[Name], I’m home,” he says once again. Connor grew slightly worried; he knew that you had been experiencing some panic attacks lately; sometimes he would listen to you cry over the phone when things get worse, all he can do assures you that everything will be okay. He wanted to run home and make sure you’re okay. It breaks his heart to hear so sad and broken. He made his way to the kitchen noticing the back door slightly ajar.
You lost track of time at this point unaware how long you’ve been standing in the rain. Feeling the rain hit your face softly washing all your pain away, your clothes drenched but you didn’t care, the rain gave you the comfort you need.
“[Name]?” Connor broke the spell of your thoughts. You’re eyes flutter open turning your attention to Connor, “What are you doing out here? You’re going to get sick,” he says with a hint of worry.
Your lips slight curled up, “Welcome home Connor” you greeted him making Connor frown even more.
“Come inside, let’s get you all dried up,” he says walking to you. Connor scans your vitals, resulting normal but he worries that you had a panic attack while ago. He just wants you to make you feel better.
You shook your head taking a step back, “I’m alright Connor. The rain feels nice.” you say to him. The pain in your chest is gone and you’re afraid that when you come back inside the house, it will come back.
“But you will get sick” Connor pointed out, his dark brown eyes locked with your [eye color] ones. He can see the pain in your eyes, the worry that clouds your mind. He might be new at human emotions but he knows that look all too well.
“I’m scared Connor” you hugged yourself, feeling the numbness spreading through your body. Was it the rain or is the pain that’s causing you shivers down your spine.
“What are you scared of [Name]?” slowly walking closer to you, “Tell me” he says gently.
“I’m scared to feel the pain again, I don’t want to feel sad anymore. Everything just hurts” you sobbed. You felt water pouring down your cheeks, you thought it was the rain at first but it wasn’t. Tears escape your eyes freely as you try to explain to Connor how you feel, “My chest tightens, it gets harder to breathe. My world… I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. I just want to make it all go away”
Connor looks at you lovingly, he reaches for your hands “I know. It’s hard right now but you are not alone [Name], you know I will always be here for you” he inched closer to you, “You know I would never let you fall. I promise you that.” he gently caressed your knuckles with his thumbs.
“Everything might be confusing at first but it will get better. We will get through it together, just as you help me get through with mine.” You nod your head feeling more of your tears escape. During his breakthrough, becoming a deviant, everything seems so confusing and hard for Connor but you help him get through it. Teaching him to get more in touch with his emotions. He wanted to do the same with you.
“I will help you to take this pain away, make your world shine brighter. You will see the world so much clearer, together” you tremble as you heard Connor pour out his comforting words to you.
Putting his arms around your waist, pulling your closer “The pain is temporary, whatever whispers you hear, they are not true. You are amazing, beautiful and kind. I love every part of you, through your imperfections, your smile and laugh. I love you [Name]. You’re perfect to me” you rest your head at the crock of his neck, crying. All this time, with the panic attacks, the pain and confusion. Connor still loves you, taking care of you through your worst and your best. He’s always been patient with you and he still is.
“Come on, let’s get you inside. How bad of a boyfriend I would be for letting his girl stand in the rain?” he teases as he pulls away, wiping your tears away.
“It’s supposed to be romantic” You managed to give him a weak laugh.
Connor put his hand gently behind your back, as you both head inside the house, “I suppose,” he says kissing your temple.
Connor insisted for you to have a hot shower and changing into something comfy while he makes you tea and some snack along with it. After putting on your comfy pajamas, you briefly look at yourself in the mirror. You feel a lot better and lighter; your chest doesn’t seem to hurt when you breathe. It’s an improvement and it would take sometime but you’re grateful to have Connor with you.
“Feeling better?” Connor asks; you turn your head in the direction of his voice. He’s leaning at the entrance of the bathroom door with his lips curled up, wearing his pajama pants with a matching pajama shirt. You felt your cheeks warmed up slight, nodding. Even in his sleeping clothes, he still manage to look so handsome, is there anything that his guy can’t pull off?
“Much better”
Connor smiled, extending his hand to you, “I’m glad. I have your tea and snacks waiting for you.” as you drink and eat the snacks that he prepared for you. He was happily telling you his day about work and they were able to close the case today. You nod, commenting here and there, letting him know that you’re listening to his story. You finished your tea and snack when you felt your eyes feel heavy, resting your head on Connor’s lap, you smile at him slightly, “I’m listening”
Connor chuckled, he can see how tried you are but he can tell how hard you try to stay awake to listen to his stories. He runs his fingers through your soft [length of hair] [color of hair] locks making you fall in your dreamland faster. You’re eyes, quickly shot open looking at his gentle dark brown eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere. It’s alright, I’ll be here” he assured you, combing your hair with his fingers once again.
“Promise?”
“I promise” he winks at you, giving you his signature Connor wink, “Good night [Name]” leaning in giving a butterfly kiss on your forehead.
“Good night Connor”