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It was a relatively nice day today- sunlight bleeding through the blinds into your room, birds could be heard chirping even through your closed window, and the telltale scratching noise of Ink sitting on your bed behind you drawing intently.
A small pang of jealousy hit you at that last part, as you’d been sitting at your desk for God knows how long in front of yet another blank page. You hadn’t been feeling too motivated as of late, something that came as a great disappointment and fear to you after so long of having to pull away from your passion when you were too busy with work and school for the last few years- you had majored in graphic design and while it’s similar, it’s not what you love or enjoy doing in the slightest.
That hustle and bustle with your stress put together up until recently had made you afraid to get back to drawing and painting again.
It’d been so long, you’d lost your touch and practically had to start over again. When you had first met Ink, it was like a wave of nostalgia and hope had hit you when you found out he was an artist as well and how passionate he was about it. He reminded you of the old days and being with him always felt like a warm embrace- especially whenever he really did embrace you, you smile to yourself thinking about it.
Ever since you told him about your past and issues with getting back into art, he was ecstatic to help you once your schooling was over and whenever you had time in between. Now that you had graduated, the sketchbook you had put away so long ago had come back out.
Along with your fears that you thought were put away after that.
You grumble and erase another sketch you had started while deep in your thoughts, swearing under your breath when the eraser jerked under your grip and ripped the page. You tear it out and crumple it up before throwing it away.
You hear Ink finally stop drawing.
“Y/n? What’s the matter?” He asks, you hear the bed creak as he adjusts his position.
You look down for a moment, unsure of what to say. You know the longer you stay silent, the more he’ll question you. But you’ve sat on this for so long... Maybe he’ll know what to do. You thought with a light sigh escaping your lips.
“I…,” You start and bite your lip. “Can I ask you something, Ink?”
“Sure. Shoot.” He says and you hear him squirm on the bed uncertainly.
“Do you, um… Do you ever feel like… You aren’t meant to do what you love?”
It’s a big question. You know that. But you’re not sure how to start a conversation like this without just taking that first step. You’re afraid that if you don’t just open up with the problem and beat around the bush that you’ll chicken out.
“Um, not entirely, no. I mean everybody hits artist’s block at some point, sure, but I’ve never felt that I wasn’t meant to create. It’s what I love the most of all- next to you, of course,” He chuckles at that and you breathe a light laugh as well, your face heating up. He stops after a moment when you don’t turn around. “…Y/n, where is this coming from?”
“I just…,” You swallow nervously at first and take a shaky breath. “I love what I do too, I really do. But sometimes, I remember that there’s always someone better at what I do than me, and then…I realize it’s pointless. But because I can’t do anything else, I just keep going.”
You hear Ink gasp behind you and the bed creaks again. “Y-Y/n! What do you mean by that, you’re an amazing artist! You were back then and sure it’s tough right now, but practice makes perfect. You’ll get back into it again!”
“Ink, even then, I wasn’t good enough! There’s so many that are better than me- so many that I know personally that are better!” You shout and you hear Ink’s breath hitch when he hears how your voice is shaking. “Even in school for design of all things- I wasn’t good enough!”
You shoot up out of your chair, keeping your hands on your desk to steady yourself. “The whole time… My own work has been compared to everyone else’s, it’s weak. Their designs were incredible, but mine were always…nothing. And they knew it too. They knew I couldn’t do anything right. And even when I was able to paint, it’s never been enough. What’s the point of going where I’ve always wanted when people like them are out there and they only want that and not what I-”
“Y/n, stop it! You’re hurting yourself!” You stiffen when he’s suddenly next to you and places his hand over yours. You take a shaky breath and look down. You dug your fingernails into your hands so strongly you saw blood dripping from the edge of the desk onto the floor.
You hate the part of yourself that wants that, you left that part of yourself behind so long ago… Ink knew it too, and you could see the hurt in his eyes when you finally looked up at him and bit your lip.
His constantly changing multi-colored eyelights had always been one of your favorite things about him. It was exciting to see the combinations that would change whenever he’d blink or exhibit a different emotion. They were beautiful.
This time it’s a blue diamond shape in his left eye and a purple square in his left, and they’re blurred and unfocused with worry. A pang of guilt hits you at that and you release a breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding.
“Ink, I…” You stop, breathing uneven and panicked given everything that just happened. You’re finally out of things to say.
“Y/n, it’s okay. Just open your hands slowly… That’s right… Come here.” He mutters soothingly, taking both of your hands in his and wincing when he opens them to see the crescent shapes of your fingernails in your broken skin, and guides you to the bed to sit down.
“Okay, breathe with me here,” He says, not breaking eye contact with you in the slightest, as he presses your hand against his chest. You try to protest when you know your blood will stain his shirt, but it just comes out in light, raspy coughs. “In, and out… In, and out… You got it.”
You feel his ribcage expanding with each breath and you wonder again how that works. You close your fingers lightly around what you feel are his bones as he breathes, it helps ground you. He blinks again and now his right eye is a yellow star and the left is an orange circle.
Eventually your breathing is finally evening out and Ink smiles softly. “Better?”
You nod and close your eyes for a moment. You feel something drip down your face and wonder when you started crying.
“Y-Yeah… Thank you Ink, I-I’m sorry, I-”
“Hey. Don’t apologize for anything okay? You can’t help how you feel, I know that,” He says softly, leaning towards you a little bit, not removing your hand from his chest until he knows for sure you’re alright. “But that was… How long have you felt like this, y/n? That felt like a lot of pent up feelings just now, heh.”
You bite your lip and look down. You wanted to get it off your chest, but you hadn’t meant for it to come out so… Aggressively.
“A-A long time… I’m sor- I mean,” You smile nervously when he shoots you a pointed look. “Where I went to school wasn’t exactly the best for, uh, getting everyone equal opportunities in our classes. They’d play favorites a lot, so then everyone else would too so… That never did help how I already felt. I had a-always felt it, at least a little, that whatever I did wouldn’t be good enough. That I didn’t have the same abilities they did, that I’m no good and not meant to-”
You’re cut off when Ink leans into you and presses his teeth against your lips and nuzzles carefully, and after a moment he stops moving and you kiss him lightly and he pulls back. “That’s enough,” He mutters, relieved you returned the gesture but still has a troubled expression at your words. “I won’t let you put yourself down so much like this.”
You sigh and lower your head, but he moves his hand under your chin and angles your head back up to look at him. You lean into his touch and place your hand that was on his chest over his hand.
“I know how pathetic this must look,” You chuckle and he opens his mouth to respond, but you keep going. “When I met you, though, I felt a little different. Here you were, so good at what you do, drawing and painting with a smile on your face, and so confident and strong about everything you made. You were like… Like a light- no, the sun, that sounds better.” You narrow your eyes at your own words and he chuckles lightly, despite being shaken at what you’ve said.
“Being with you made me feel… Better, stronger even,” You say with a smile and then you sigh lightly. “I just sometimes hit these points again when I remember. I’ve always felt it but not as strongly as I used to. Sometimes I just… I just need to stop thinking when I hit a block, you know?”
“Maybe,” He says with a laugh, lowering his head until his mouth is hidden behind his scarf. “Let me know when you start feeling down though, okay? I don’t like when negative feelings build up in you like that… They try to drown out the positive ones.” He says, the different colored tubes across his chest seem to glisten slightly in the light.
“I’ll try, Ink.” You say with a smile and lean forward and peck his head lightly with a kiss. A faint rainbow of blush crosses his face.
“G-Good, thank you,” He says, brushing his thumb lightly over your hand, he looks up and removes his hand from your face and takes both of your hands in his lap. “Now let’s close these up.”
A green glow emits from his hands as they hover over yours and you release a calming sigh at the feeling of the stinging pain leaving you.
“Y/n.” He starts, his eyes serious. He blinked again, his right eye a green triangle and the left is the yellow star this time.
“What?”
“I know it can be hard to love everything you do, sometimes you want to start over or do something different, and that’s okay. But don’t for a second think you weren’t meant for this life, you’re an amazing artist- you have so much talent hiding in that head of yours, it just needs to be coaxed out again like it used to be.” The green glow of healing magic fades from his hands and he places them over yours and gives them a reassuring squeeze.
“It’s been a long time for you and I realize that, but you can get back to where you were and beyond. It just takes time and practice. I can help too- we can even do some drawings together to sometimes- and start getting you back into the swing of things. We can do this, you can do this, and I’ll be with you every step of the way, okay?”
You sniff at his kind words, already feeling tears gather in your eyes again and his eyes widen in shock. “Oh geez, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just-”
“You know, y-you’re a really good motivator, Ink,” You cut him off with a chuckle and you lean towards him, enveloping him in a hug and leaning so far you both tumble back onto the bed with a yelp of surprise from Ink. It doesn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around your waist, however. “Thank you so much, you’re the best.” You say, kissing his cheek a few times.
“Y-Y/n, of course!” He says with a laugh and then he turns his head to you with a smirk. “I guess you could say we complement each other?”
It takes you a moment to process the pun and you groan and nestle your head into his scarf. “I can’t believe my primary guy just said that to me.”
A beat of silence.
“Pfffffft, that was a bit of a stretched canvas wasn’t it?”
“Hey, I was drawing a blank, okay?”
You’re both laughing your heads off by this point, shooting art puns back and forth, comfortable in each other’s arms.
After a while Ink’s laughter finally dies down and he looks into your eyes. His eyes have changed again, his right a pink heart and his left is the blue diamond again. He reaches up and brushes some of your hair behind your ear.
“Are you okay now, y/n?”
You smile and kiss his soft grin and he nuzzles you in return.
“I am, thank you Ink. Love you.”
“Good. Love you too.”