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“Be back for dinner,”
“Moooom,” Renjun pretends to whine, picking up a piece of sliced radish off the counter. He pops it into his mouth. “I’m an adult now.”
His mother puts the knife down and rolls her eyes at him. “Uh, no you’re not.”
“Uh, yes I am.” Renjun says as he grabs his jacket. “I’m eighteen, Mom.”
His mother stares at the kitchen’s backsplash for a moment, her eyes glazing over. “You are, aren’t you…”
“Yes, Mom.” Renjun smiles at her. He’s been trying to spend as much time with her as he can before he heads off for university, even going with her to the vegetable market, where all the old ladies pinch his cheeks till they’re sore. But there’s only so much quality time he can spend with his mom before it becomes stifling.
Besides, she’s not the only one he’s leaving.
“You have to leave early tomorrow,” His mother says, going back to the radishes. “Don’t forget.”
“I’ll be home by 10,” Renjun promises, kissing his mother on the cheek. “Love you, mom.”
“Love you too, Junnie.”
Renjun hits the brakes on his bike lightly. There aren’t any more kids on the playground at this time, because it’s getting dark and it’s probably their bedtime, right? Renjun suddenly realizes he doesn’t know what kids are like anymore these days, and he’s not even that old.
I’m not old at all, Renjun thinks, as he pads across the grassy lawn to the two figures swaying around aimlessly on the swings. They’re both too tall for the swings, and have to tuck their legs in a lot just to keep their feet off the gravel.
“…and yeah, that’s a complete ripoff.”
“Right?” One of the figures swivels around in his seat to squint at Renjun as the latter walks over. “Renjun!”
Renjun leans against one of the swing set’s legs. “Hey guys.”
“What’re you doing all the way over there? Come here,” Jaemin says, patting his hands on his thighs like he’s calling a dog over or something.
Renjun laughs and walks over, not really sure if he’s actually going to sit in Jaemin’s lap. “The swings might collapse.”
“From your weight?” Jeno asks, nudging one of Renjun’s calves with his sneaker.
“When did you get so funny?” Jaemin pats his lap again.
“You guys are mean.” Renjun sits down gingerly, listening to the swing set give a worrying creak. It doesn’t give way, so he shrugs and lets all his weight rest on Jaemin’s lap.
Jaemin wraps an arm around Renjun’s waist to steady him. “You remember when your mom put you on that diet to gain weight?”
Renjun turns his head a little to frown at him. “What?”
“The sweet potatoes!” Jeno laughs so hard his eyes crinkle away and disappear. “You had to eat like a kilo every day!”
Jaemin reaches across the space between the swings to high-five Jeno sloppily. “And all you did was fart all the time!”
“Guys!” Renjun groans, stomping his feet in the gravel. If there’s one perk to going to a university far, far away from his childhood friends, it’s that he’s not going to have to hear his terrible childhood stories over and over.
Renjun looks down at the lines Jaemin’s shoes had made in the gravel. He aligns his own sneakers with them.
“Sorry, Junnie,” Jeno laughs, reaching over to pat Renjun’s knee. “We won’t talk about the sweet potato thing anymore. Promise.”
“Yup.” Jaemin’s face is getting red from trying not to laugh. “Promise.”
Renjun’s sneakers fit almost exactly inside the outline of Jaemin’s sneakers. He tries to take a deep breath, but it comes out as a sniff.
“Aw, come on, don’t cry, Junnie,” Jaemin pats Renjun’s stomach.
“We won’t even say the word sweet potato anymore,” Jeno says, struggling to keep himself from laughing.
“It’s not that!” Renjun says, wiping his eyes on the hem of his shirt.
Jeno and Jaemin swing gently in silence while Renjun takes a few hiccupping breaths. Jaemin leans away and pats Renjun’s back, and Jeno holds Renjun’s knee lightly.
“I’m sorry about the sweet potato thing.” Jeno says quietly.
Renjun and Jaemin turn to him, their faces clearly saying, Are you fucking serious, Jeno?
Jeno blinks at them blankly. “What?”
Jaemin rolls his eyes at Jeno, but keeps rubbing Renjun’s shoulders. “When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.” Renjun manages to say without his voice cracking.
“What?” Jeno’s blinks only get faster.
“I thought you were leaving next week.” Jaemin says.
“No, apparently I have to move into the dorm a week ahead,” Renjun says. “God knows why, but-”
Renjun sniffles.
Jaemin and Jeno exchange glances.
Renjun stands up suddenly, leaving Jaemin swinging around behind him. “Sorry I didn’t tell you guys earlier.”
“Where are you going?” Jeno asks, standing up when Renjun starts stomping off towards his bike.
“Renjun!”
“You’re home early,” Renjun’s mom says when the door swings open and slams shut behind him. “Or is it 10pm already?”
“We finished early.” Renjun mutters before slamming the door to his room shut behind him.
Renjun sheds his jacket off onto the nearest chair and flops onto his bed. He reaches into his pocket and holds down on the power button of his phone until it finally stops ringing. He thought it would be chill, and he’d just hang out with Jaemin and Jeno like he always does – like he always did, but he didn’t realize that he wouldn’t be able to stand them looking at him like that.
He can see it in his head, when he closes his eyes – that sad, almost pitiful way that they looked at him when they realized they wouldn’t have another day to do absolutely nothing.
Renjun hates this. It would’ve been better if all three of them were going to separate corners of the country, however mean it is to think that, but no, Jeno and Jaemin were going to the nearby college. It was just him, Renjun, and his smart ass, who thought to apply to universities half a day’s journey away from home.
Dumbass.
Renjun’s starting to get comfortable in his bed, wallowing in self-hate, when something hits his window. Renjun sits up and turns to the window.
He frowns when he sees Jeno’s face through the glass. Renjun’s house is on the second floor.
Jeno pounds a fist against the glass again.
Renjun slides the window open. “What-”
“Huang Renjun, if you don’t fucking get down here right fucking now, I’m going up there and bringing you down myself!” Jaemin shouts from below. His face is red from carrying Jeno on his shoulders. “NOW!”
“O-Oh, okay,” Renjun reaches for his jacket and scrambles for the door. He remembers the window and runs back to shut it, then runs out of his room. “I’ll be home by 10! Bye, mom!”
“Bye…?” Renjun’s mom frowns as Renjun dashes out the front door for the second time that evening.
Renjun finds his friends in the path next to his house. Jaemin’s rubbing his own back, whining about Jeno being too heavy. “Next time you carry me.”
“But you’re taller, so-”
“Fuck’s sake, Jeno, it doesn’t matter which one goes on top, we’d still end up the same height-” Jaemin notices Renjun scuffing his sneakers on the gravel nearby. “Renjun!”
“Hi.” Renjun says, afraid to step any closer. “You guys didn’t really need to-”
“You weren’t answering your phone.” Jeno says.
“I turned it off.”
“I told you so.” Jaemin says, stretching his arms over his head. “Well?”
“Sorry I ran out on you guys.” Renjun looks down at the leaves littered on the path.
When neither of them reply for a whole minute, Renjun looks up.
“You’re so stupid.” Jeno says, running over to wrap his arms around Renjun. He tucks his face into Renjun’s hair. “Why do you have to leave us?”
“I’ll-” Renjun takes a breath to steady his voice. “I’ll be home for the holidays.”
“Screw that,” Jaemin says, throwing his arms around them both. He gives them a big squeeze, pretty much squishing Renjun and Jeno against each other, but nobody complains. “As if we can do everything in the holidays.”
Renjun squirms until his face is free. “Everything? What do we need to do?”
“I don’t know, nothing,” Jaemin says exasperatedly. “Everything. Hanging out and stuff. You know, what we usually do.”
Renjun frowns.
“Like use the playground at night when the kids are gone.” Jeno says.
“You can still video call me,” Renjun says, holding onto the chains of his swing seat for dear life, because Jeno’s the one pushing him. This, the threat of death by swing set, is something he probably won’t miss. “Things are super easy these days. Imagine our grandparents had to send letters-”
“It’s different.” Jaemin says.
Renjun’s knuckles are starting to go white when Jeno pushes him again. “Of course, letters take forever to arrive-”
“Not the letters.” Jaemin says. “You won’t be here. What am I gonna do with just Jeno all day?”
“Hey!” Jeno frowns, forgetting to catch Renjun, who barrels into him at top speed. Jeno bends over from the impact, crumpling into a heap like a football player.
“Oh god.” Renjun skids to a stop and hops off the swing. “Are you okay?”
“I was kidding, Jeno,” Jaemin says, running over. “I love you.”
“Yup.” Jeno rolls face up in the gravel, his face contorted in pain. “Love you too, man.”
Renjun rolls his eyes. The other guys at the community college are going to tear them to pieces for this kind of shit. He kneels over and puts a hand on one of Jeno’s arms. “I’m really sorry.”
“No, it’s Jaemin’s fault.” Jeno manages to choke out.
“Yeah, it is.” Renjun pats Jeno’s arm affectionately.
“Wow, thanks.” Jaemin throws his arms up.
Renjun reaches down and helps Jeno sit up. “Are you okay?”
“Renjun’ll kiss it and make it better.” Jaemin says.
Jeno frowns. “He hit my… uh… nuts.”
Jaemin shrugs. “Who knows, Renjun might be up to that.”
Renjun kicks Jaemin in the shin. “You watch too much porn.”
“At least I admit to it.” Jaemin says, bending over to help pull both of his friends to his feet. He’s starting to consider trying out for the college weightlifting team, but then again, his friends are scrawny, and so is he.
“You okay?” Renjun asks again, wiggling one of Jeno’s hands in his.
“Yeah.” Jeno’s mouth curls into a smile. “But I might need a kiss to make it bett-”
Jeno’s eyes fly wide open when Renjun does kiss him. Renjun pulls away, giggling like a man possessed.
“You…” Jeno starts, but even he doesn’t know what he was about to say, so he just trails off.
“No.” Jaemin practically shoves Renjun by the shoulder. “Nope. You don’t get to pull shit like that and then-”
Renjun slings an arm around Jaemin’s shoulders and pulls him in for a kiss. “I love you, Jaemin.”
“You’re leaving. Tomorrow.” Jaemin shrugs him off. “Don’t do this.”
“Why not?” Renjun says. “I just wanted to let you know-”
“No.” Jaemin crosses his arms. “It’s not fair to us.”
“You can’t just kiss people out of nowhere and leave them the next day.” Jeno says in a low voice.
“It’s not out of nowhere!” Renjun says, annoyed at how his voice squeaks. “You guys are- I love you guys, and I’m not going to see you for, I don’t know, ever!”
“So don’t do shit like that.”
Renjun hadn’t realized he’s balled his hands into fists. “Fine. Then I won’t.”
Renjun turns away from them the second time that night, and walks home alone. Nobody comes banging against his window, and Renjun falls asleep in a weird kind of peace. It’s more like numbness. He feels numb.
Renjun only turns his phone on the next morning as their car pulls onto the highway the next morning. He can hardly call it morning, because the sun’s not up yet even if he is.
4 missed calls.
Renjun deletes them from his history without a second thought. He’s just started playing his music when he notices another notification.
3 new messages.
Renjun considers just swiping the notification away, but his finger lingers for too long.
Jeno: im probably gonna be sleeping or smth when u leave so guess this is my goodbye :( i miss u already junnie
Renjun sighs and clicks the next message.
Jaemin: sorry I wasn’t able to say bye properly last night. take care of yourself over there, okay?
Jaemin: also I love you, too
Renjun’s just started typing out his reply when his mother asks, “Everything okay back there, Junnie?”
“Y- Yeah.” Renjun deletes the message and pockets his phone. He doesn’t feel right about sending everything on his mind over text, and even hours later, and days later – even a few weeks of mulling it over on his downtime from the rush of his first semester in university, Renjun just doesn’t know what to reply, or if he should reply at all.
So he doesn’t.