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“I’m not who you thought I was. I need you to see,” Anshel says, unbuttoning his shirt.
Avigdor sits on the edge of the bed, mouth agape in confusion.
“Anshel, stop,” he protests.
“Please…” Anshel begs.
He reveals his bare chest to him. Tears well in Anshel’s eyes as Avigdor stammers, looking away. A long silence fills the room, pulling them apart.
A small sob escapes Anshel, “My name isn’t Anshel, I’m…”
“NO!” Avigdor stands with such a speed Anshel can’t help but flinch away.
Avigdor paces across the room, eyes wild as he attempts to process everything he’s just learned. He stops periodically, as if about to speak only to continue his pacing. Anshel stays quiet. He wants to know Avigdor’s thoughts, reaching a hand out to gently grab his shoulder. Avigdor’s frantic movements stop as he spins his whole body to face Anshel. His gaze wanders from Anshel’s exposed chest up to his smooth face, landing on his tear-filled eyes. Avigdor’s features struggle between a scowl and a deep frown.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, a hint of concern in his voice.
“I was scared,” Anshel says.
Avigdor grabs Anshel’s arms in a tight grip. Anshel tries to pull away, to hide his face and cry.
“What have you done?” Avigdor raises his voice, shaking Anshel.
“You would have done the same,” Anshel sobs, “You would’ve done the same.”
“Lied to everyone I know? Married a woman who wasn’t mine?” he yells.
“I did it for you!” Anshel shakes. “Because..”
“Because what?” he asks, eyes brimming with rage.
“Because I loved you,” Anshel cries out.
Anshel’s body wracks with sobs. Their eyes meet once more and Avigdor softens, releasing his iron grasp.
“Anshel I…I’m so sorry,” Avigdor says, closing Anshel’s shirt in a single quick movement and holding it tight.
He wipes the tears from Anshel’s eyes, ignoring the stream of tears on his own face. Anshel collapses into his arms and they both sink to the floor, clinging to each other as if the world were spinning around them and they were the only two solid forms left. All their loss, all their mourning, their endless fears, and hopes for their future came crashing out between racking sobs.
~
Anshel rests on Avigdor’s chest as they both sit on the floor with their backs resting against the bed. Avigdor gently rubs circles with his hand across Anshel’s back as Anshel tries to collect his breath.
“You can be with Hadass finally,” Anshel chokes out the words. The tightness in his chest indicating he may love her more than he realizes.
“But what about you, Anshel?” Avigdor leans forward to see into his eyes.
“I’ve been trying to tell you, I’m not Anshel. I’m…” Anshel pauses, not sure who he is in this moment.
“I’ve been arguing with Anshel about the creation of woman and which Rabbi argued what for months now. I’ve been best friends with Anshel for just as long,” Avigdor says.
Anshel’s breath catches as he notices Avigdor take a deep breath. Anshel looks up to see Avigdor’s face, but he looks away quickly as a pink flush can be seen on the edges of his cheeks not fully covered by his beard.
“I shared my bed with you,” Avigdor says, “I fell in love with Anshel.”
Anshel sits up in shock. The sudden movement catches Avigdor off-guard, quickly covering his face in shame. Anshel gently takes Avigdor’s hands into his, pulling them away from his face and down into his lap. They lock eyes, Anshel shaking with a mixture of nerves and pure ecstasy. Avigdor’s eyes search for comfort on Anshel’s face. A smile slowly spreads across his face as he realizes Anshel feels the same way.
Avigdor bolts up, a howl of joy as he lifts Anshel in his arms. Anshel yelps in surprise, smiling wide. The distance between their faces closes as they rest their foreheads together. Avigdor gently places him onto the ground, still holding him close. Anshel reaches his lips up to Avigdor’s. They embrace in a gentle kiss, lips only slightly parted as they press into each other. Anshel slowly opens his eyes to see Avigdor still lost in the moment, smiling from ear to ear with eyes closed. Anshel smiles and runs his fingers through Avigdor’s full beard. Avigdor catches Anshel’s hand in his, giving it a light kiss on the knuckles, slowly turning it to kiss his palm.
They exchange a final kiss for the night before a long yawn escapes from Anshel. Avigdor chuckles, pulling Anshel with him to bed. Snuggled under the thick blankets they entwine their limbs together with no more secrets keeping them apart.
~
Morning light filters through the curtained room, waking Anshel. A small headache from all the tears shed the night before still beats against his head. He reaches out to touch Avigdor. Had last night been real? His hand is immediately met by Avigdor’s firm, hairy chest. Anshel suppresses a quiet giggle. Not only had last night been real, but Avigdor was here in his bed, for the second time since they’ve known each other. Anshel cuddles into Avigdor’s side. Though still fast asleep, Avigdor pulls Anshel tighter to him and sighs in quiet satisfaction. Anshel runs his fingers through Avigdor’s hair, humming an old lullaby his father would sing to him at night after his mother had passed.
Avigdor’s eyes blink open as the sunlight reaches his face. He growls out a yawn before noticing he has been holding Anshel.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Anshel teases.
Avigdor chuckles, giving Anshel a quick peck on the forehead.
“What are we going to do now, silly Anshel?” Avigdor asks.
“I promised Hadass I’d return with more books for her,” Anshel says, “I suppose that task is yours now.”
Avigdor’s brow furrows as he pulls his head back to get a proper look at him.
“What do you mean by that?” he asks.
“Avigdor,” he began, “You know Hadass is yours, not mine.”
Avigdor sits up, trying to reign in his anger but failing miserably.
“You married her!” He yells.
“For you!” Anshel shot out of bed with him following quickly behind.
“You can’t just abandon her, I see how she looks at you,” he protests.
“She loves you, Avigdor. If she knew the truth…”
Avigdor quickly cuts Anshel’s words, howling in frustration, “And what is the truth then, Anshel. Do you love her?”
“No! I…I’ve grown fond of her, but,” Anshel buries his face in his hands, overwhelmed by Avigdor’s onslaught.
“Do you love her?” Avigdor asks again, grabbing Anshel’s hands and holding them tight.
Anshel collects himself, taking a deep breath.
“I love her,” he says.
“Do you love me?” Avigdor asks.
“Yes,” Anshel nods.
“Then we can do this,” Avigdor smiles, releasing him from his grip.
Anshel stammers in bewilderment as he watches Avigdor flit around the room to get ready for the day.
“Do what?” He asks.
“This!” Avigdor practically shouts out of joy, “Me, you, and Hadass!”
“Are you insane?” It was Anshel’s turn to yell.
Avigdor continues dressing, tossing Anshel’s day clothes at him to do the same. He catches them, but immediately throws them to the side.
“We can’t just waltz back to Bychawa as two men and both marry Hadass and,” Anshel’s throat dries as he slowly speaks, “each other.”
“Why not?” Avigdor chuckles heartily, slapping Anshel on the back almost knocking him over.
Noticing the anger rising on Anshel’s face he rolls his eyes.
“Of course that’s not the plan,” Avigdor says, returning to his suitcase across the room.
“Oh, please, fill me in on this plan of yours then,” Anshel demands.
Avigdor grins, a hint of mischief in his eyes as clasps his hands behind his back taking long, dramatic steps toward Anshel.
“I think we’ll have to talk to Hadass first,” he winks.