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He’s dying.
That was the only thing on Seongwoo’s mind. He still had an hour left to decide on whether he should perform surgery on his best friend, Jihoon. Seongwoo still couldn’t believe it. When he was given the chart for a new patient that was admitted just a few moments ago for a very critical disease, he couldn’t help but stare at the name on the chart. Park Jihoon. But what bothered Seongwoo was Jihoon’s disease.
Hanahaki…
The Hanahaki disease is one of the rarest diseases that ever existed. In its early stages, it can be cured with love, the feeling of being loved back by the person you truly cherish. However, when the disease reaches its critical stages, the only option left is through surgery. The consequence is that, although the surgery will remove the growing flower and cure the person, it will also mean removing the memories of his or her one-sided love. Even though the flower blossomed in the heart, there was a certain nerve that connected that flower to the brain, thus when removed, it also takes with it the memories of the person’s one-sided love.
Although the origin of the disease is yet to be determined, present researches have shown that not everyone with one-sided love suffers the Hanahaki disease. The difficulty lies in the same premise that not everyone suffers from this, which makes it harder to determine why the disease only affects random people.
But, of all people, why did it have to be Park Jihoon?
Seongwoo looked at the clock. Forty five minutes… As time passed by, he knew he had to make a choice. Deep inside, he wanted to save his best friend, but he knew that would mean erasing their memories together. Yes, Ong Seongwoo is Park Jihoon’s unrequited love.
Of course, upon finding out about this, Seongwoo was shocked because he didn’t know the other had an undying love for him. He didn’t know how much Jihoon had adored and loved Seongwoo from afar. He didn’t know how much pain Jihoon had endured while he was there, looking for other people that could become his lifetime partner, when in fact, the person that he was looking for all this time was just within reach, was just someone he would never have thought could give the love that he was longing for, was someone whom he could have spent forever with.
Yes, Seongwoo was also in love with Jihoon. At first, he thought that it was he who was suffering unrequited love. He had learned to love Park Jihoon after the other comforted him from his break up with Hwang Minhyun. He always looked and thought that the other was there as his friend, as someone he can talk to, share feelings with, and lean on when he needed a shoulder to cry. Never would he have thought that he was the person trapped in Jihoon’s heart. Never would he have thought that he was the reason behind why Jihoon was suffering and is now lying in his deathbed. He wanted to cure him, to free him of his suffering. He wanted to end Jihoon’s pain and make him feel that he deserved all the love in the world.
But it was too late…
Although the cure for the Hanahaki disease, aside from surgery, is requited love, it won’t take effect if the disease is in its critical stages. No matter how much a person expresses his undying love for the infected, it never gets cured. This is also another remaining question which needs further research. However, with the current situation, Seongwoo knew he needed a miracle in order to cure his best friend, his only love.
Thirty-five minutes…
Seongwoo looked at the clock. Why does time tick so fast?! He cursed under his breath. He walked out of his office and went to the wards, quickly and carefully, making sure that he does not walk into the wrong room. It’s not really a big deal if he walks into the wrong room, since he’s a doctor. The only issue he has as of the moment is time. He cannot waste any more time barging into the wrong room and apologizing for suddenly entering. Time isn’t in his hands as of the moment.
Time is his greatest enemy…
With the distance that he has already travelled, Seongwoo suddenly wonders how far Jihoon’s room is. Maybe it’s just his senses playing with him. He’s too tensed already, but he knows he must not stop. He cannot stop. He has to move forward, he has to continue walking, he has to endure the distance, along with the pain that he is carrying.
For Jihoon…
The moment Seongwoo spots Jihoon’s room, he suddenly slows down, walking slowly, quietly, carefully. He knew he had to rush and get into the room, considering that time wasn’t a luxury he had at the moment, but he felt the need of stopping momentarily, feeling the silence of the room, feeling its loneliness, its defeat.
As if hope was no longer something that they were privileged to have…
Seongwoo felt week as soon as his hand came in contact with the door. Every demon inside him told him to run off and escape, abandon everything and move on, instead of feeling the pain and that he was supposedly inflicting upon himself right now. He shouldn’t be having a hard time. Heck, he should be enjoying the time of his life.
Why does love work this way?
Gathering all his strength, Seongwoo pushed the door, thinking that he was prepared to see Jihoon in the state he was in. He was wrong. The moment he saw the boy almost lifelessly lying on his bed, with every hospital apparatus you can think of, it was as if Seongwoo’s soul had departed from his body. The pain that he felt as he saw Jihoon strength slowly dissipating from his body was enough to send daggers through his chest, directly at his heart. He couldn’t fathom the idea of him walking close and talking to Jihoon. The thought itself pained Seongwoo so much he wanted to take Jihoon’s pain away and carry it for him.
Love is indeed a painfully beautiful sacrifice…
With each footstep heavier than the previous one, Seongwoo walked towards Jihoon. In the process, he looked at his watch. Twenty minutes. Why is time suddenly so fast? Why is it suddenly so unfair? Seongwoo’s thoughts had been fifty percent pleading for time to suddenly stop so he could spend forever with the man, currently on his deathbed, whom he loved dearly yet he hadn’t realized immediately. Why had I been so stupid? Why have I been so numb? The man I wanted to spend forever with is already here, yet I had the stupidity to look somewhere else!
The other fifty percent of him, which Seongwoo had been doing since he heard the news, had been asking the Almighty as to why things have turned bad for the two of them. He asked questions, from why it had to be Jihoon, to why it couldn’t have been him who would’ve died. Jihoon was too young to feel the pain that he was in, yet Seongwoo knew that it was all his fault that the other had to go through such hardship, such pain. It was all his fault that Jihoon’s life was about to end in a matter of time. It was all his fault that Jihoon failed to enjoy life with him, yet he was here, unbothered, very well, yet psychologically affected by the idea of Jihoon leaving his world. The only boy that would complete his entity departing from this unfair universe they were in.
It was all his fault…
Seongwoo only realized that Jihoon was unconscious when was already beside him. Holding Jihoon’s hand, Seongwoo mustered all the courage he had to control his tears as he spoke, getting the feeling that anytime he was about to break down in tears, yet he knew he had to stay strong for Jihoon. He knew crying won’t do good to the other, even though he was already unconscious. Even though he was already on the verge of life and death.
“H-hello J-jihoon… How have y-you been?”
Silence.
There was no response when Seongwoo spoke. The only answer he got was the beep of the ECG showing how much of Jihoon’s heart was beating. It was faint, yet life was there. That was one of the manifestations of the Hanahaki disease; the idea of your heart suddenly stopping because it can’t take the pain anymore. It doesn’t stop because of a clogged vein or a blood clot. It just stops.
It was a sad death indeed…
Seongwoo looked closer at Jihoon’s face. He was crying. That idea alone shattered Seongwoo’s heart. It was too much, and he knew he had to do something. He could not forget the choice he had to make. Yes, I have to decide fast…
Fifteen minutes…
“I hope you’re doing good, Jihoon. W-wherever you are… Always know that whatever decision I make, I have and will always love you to the bottom of my heart, to the depths of my core, to the ends of the world. Before the cherry blossoms fade, I will save you. I will do anything and everything for you, even if it costs me everything I have…”
At those words, Seongwoo cried, harder than he thought he would have, harder than he would ever cry. It was a painful choice to make, Seongwoo knew, and the only options that he had were losing to memories or losing the life of the person he loved. He couldn’t bear any of the two. He couldn’t live in a world without Jihoon, nor in a world where Jihoon couldn’t remember him, nor will he ever do. It was a decision he had to make, but a decision he also had to lose. He couldn’t make both of them happy, so he only had one resort. That decision of his, whatever it may be, was the only thing on his mind as he left Jihoon’s room.
In the silence of the room, in the loneliness of vitality, the absence of sunshine and inspiration, Jihoon lay, crying inside. He heard everything, and it hurt him. He heard how Seongwoo asked him how he was doing, he heard how Seongwoo cried as he felt helpless, he heard Seongwoo’s promise.
And he hated it…
Jihoon hated how he heard everything. He hated how he was weak when all he wanted was to tell Seongwoo how much he meant to him, and that he wanted to tell Seongwoo that he should be moving forward and enjoying life, like how he should be. He hated how he was weak for someone who did his best to be strong for him. He hated how Seongwoo was doing everything for him right now, yet he was there being helpless. At that moment, the only thing that was in Jihoon’s mind was death. He was prepared for it. He had to let go. He had to free Seongwoo, for the other to be truly happy. He was ready. He knew he only had a few minutes left.
At that moment, Jihoon closed his eyes, prepared to die, as he mouthed a few words.
I love you too, Seongwoo. I love you so much.
“I’ll just drop over there, mister. Thank you very much.”
The man brought out his wallet and pulled the exact amount that reflected on his taxi’s meter. He thanked the driver as he got out of the vehicle. With flowers in hand, he walked towards the tree that stood in the middle of the grass that he was walking on. It’s been a year.
He made sure that he was in the right place before he kneeled and put the flowers beside the marble that inscribed a name.
“Hello, Seongwoo. How have you been? It’s me, Minhyun.” The man, who stood up, then spoke. A tear fell from his eye, but he was smiling. He should be happy, for Seongwoo. “I hope the two of you are doing fine up there.”
Minhyun shifted his eyes to the marble stone that was beside Seongwoo’s. It was inscribed with the name Park Jihoon. Minhyun cried every time he remembered every detail as it was narrated to them by his friend Daniel.
Apparently, Seongwoo went to the head doctor’s office and demanded that his heart be transplanted to Jihoon. The head doctor, dumbfounded, made sure that Seongwoo was in his right mind. He didn’t need to ask twice when he saw how dead serious Seongwoo was in his eyes.
However, the surgery failed. When Seongwoo’s heart was just removed from his body, it was the same moment that Jihoon’s ECG monitor became a dead line. The doctor, who panicked, tried to return Seongwoo’s heart back, but his body no longer accepted it, as if his whole body already gave his heart to Jihoon.
If only you knew, I’m happy for you right now. Minhyun thought to himself. He was happy that Seongwoo stood up for the sake of love, he was happy how Seongwoo fought for the sake of trying to save Jihoon, even if it cost him his life. He was happy that the two wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. He was genuinely happy for the two of them.
Walking away, Minhyun looked up and smiled at the sky. He spoke even though he knew he wouldn’t be heard by anyone, but who knows?
“I hope the two of you are happy, wherever you are right now.”