Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“Logan, do you ever feel sad?” Patton asked, his voice was tinged with an unknown emotion, and yet Logan still glanced over to him his cold dead black eyes staring blandly at the moral side without a single hint of sentiment behind it.

“No.” The answer was short and not very sweet.

“You used to…” Patton’s voice lowered just a little bit, and almost immediately he knew that saying that was a mistake, judging by the curl of Logan’s upper lip into a disgusted snarl. That was the only thing that Logan seemed good at emoting these days, it was either muted disgust or just…nothing. Honestly, he missed the days where Logan would ramble and ramble about the things that made him happy, or hell, he’d even take the moments of anger with Logan. When the logical side sometimes exploded with anger from keeping it buried under his skin for too long, now…now he was just empty.

“Yes, but that was before you all changed things. And I thought I told you morality, my name is no longer Logan. So please refrain from calling me that.” Logan practically sneered at Patton, he seemed all too willing to do that these days.

Truthfully, Patton couldn’t say that he blamed Lo…no Apophis as he now preferred to be called. Everything about him had changed when compared to Logan, and it made Patton’s chest ache. His normal neat clothing was all discarded, he’d seen Apophis tossing his necktie away when Roman had offered it to him after washing day, and truly he had never seen Roman’s face drop so fast. He’d seen Roman rescuing the tie when Apophis’ back was turned, cradling it in his hands like it was some broken creature.

Instead, he wore simple ripped up jeans that constantly pooled around his feet, and that he was constantly stepping on, along a plain but frayed grey shirt that had far too many holes in it from being put through the washer. He clearly wore some kind of makeup like Virgil did, but Apophis’ was all smeared near his eyes, the dark blue resembling tears that had been messily wiped away in a hurry. Everything about him was like the total opposite in compared to the Logan that they had known before.

But…that was the point, wasn’t it? They had all messed up, and now they were paying the price for it.

“You just don’t understand Logan! This is the man of Thomas’ dreams, its simply meant to be! He can stand not taking that astronomy class, it’s just stars!” Roman beamed to himself as he cut Logan off once again in order to ramble on and on about a boy who’d given Thomas his number.

Logan could concede that the boy was rather attractive if he had to look at him in that kind of way, but that negated the fact of what he was trying to say to begin with.

“Listen, he cannot keep putting off classes for frivolous displays of affection. He needs to properly think about his education in college, and astronomy isn’t just stars, Roman!” Logan attempted to keep his cool, but somehow Roman almost always found a way under his skin. So instead he looked to Virgil or even Patton for aid on this venture.

“Oh please, what would you know? You know nothing about love, let alone other human being’s feelings. You’ve never even felt sad a day in your life. One would think that you’re more apathetic than logical.” Roman snipped back at him, and glancing over to the other sides it was clear that Logan was getting no help from them. As Patton beamed happily at the mental image of Thomas’ possible love interest, and Virgil…

Virgil snorted with laughter at Roman’s little quip. Just the simple action made Logan step back, that was what they really all thought about him was it? Well then…fine.

“I’m leaving,” Logan bluntly stated, not even willing to acknowledge how Roman’s words had made a harsh burning sensation well up in his chest. His eyes stung, and it felt like someone had looped a rope around his lungs and was squeezing them tight.

“Logan, please it was just a joke.” Virgil attempted to play it off, but he wasn’t having it.

“No.” It was a single word, the last word that was said to them as Logan.

They thought that he was apathetic now? Well, then they were in for a treat.

When he sank down Logan didn’t appear for hours, and truthfully Patton had thought nothing of it. He’d be the first to admit that he was otherwise occupied by what he had been thinking, to worry about how Logan had taken Roman’s words. Roman had even promised to apologize to Logan when he showed back up, and they were all under the agreement that Logan just needed some time to cool down and relax.

It was almost three hours when they finally heard Logan’s door open and close.

However, it was seeing him that made their stomachs drop.

Logan…looked entirely different to them, his posture hunched over and his hands stuffed into his pockets with a blue lollipop stuck in his mouth. That, however, wasn’t what made any of them terrified, what made them terrified was the fact that it looked like someone had taken all of Logan’s color, and just drained it away. Leaving behind a simple empty husk that had once been their logical side…their Logan.

Roman was the first to break the silence, and to truly question…Logan.

“What’s up with the new outfit Lo? You planning on going somewhere? Or are you feeling a little sad?” Roman attempted to play it off as a joke, a joke was something that people would laugh at. If Logan laughed or even cracked a smile then he would know that everything was alright. But Logan didn’t laugh, and his lips didn’t so much as quirk upwards at Roman’s words.

Logan moved slowly, like all of his movements had put on the slowest setting of a video as he removed the lollipop from his mouth. Even the blue was starting to turn a duller shade of blue just from being inside of Logan’s mouth. It was honestly kind of unsettling.

“That is not my name,” Logan mumbled out, his dull empty black eyes bored right into Roman’s as he spoke. His voice though..his voice was just like that of a robot. No inflection and not even a hint of sadness in it, let alone any emotion. “My name is Apathy…”

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Everything felt like it had been turned on its head, to Roman it felt like everything was impossible. He couldn’t breathe and he could scarcely move as he stared at this person who called themselves Ap… No, this is still Logan. This was still their Logan, he wasn’t truly gone. Roman refused to think that..he couldn’t think that.

“That’s not your name!” Roman finally barked out, sounding a lot harsher than he meant to at that moment, “You’re name is Logan!” With his fists were clenched down by his side but that certainly didn’t stop him from marching forward and grasping both of Logan’s shoulders.

He’s so cold…

It was like gripping a huge chunk of ice with how cold Logan was, his entire body seemingly radiating cold while his bland dead looking black eyes simply stared ahead into Roman’s seemingly without a single care in the world. Roman’s eyes burned and stung the longer that he looked at Logan, the smear of blue and the total lack along with the total lack of any and all color that had once been in Logan’s wardrobe. It made the logical side look washed out and void of anything that had made him…him to begin with.

“Remove your hands from my person Creativity.” Logan’s voice matched how icy cold he felt, even the tone of the other which would have previously held some kind of anger was now just…flat and empty. He couldn’t be gone..he just couldn’t.

“Now kiddo…let’s play nice here.” Patton, dear sweet Patton attempted to interject between the two of them, an uncertain smile was glued to his face as his soft brown eyes darted back and forth from Roman to Logan and then to Virgil. Virgil who hadn’t moved a single inch from the position he had been in when Logan had shown up changed in so many ways. Virgil who’s hand was clasped over his mouth as if he was about to make himself sick, and Virgil, who’s eyeshadow was starting to run down his cheeks as the tears fell from his eyes. Virgil, appeared equal parts terrified and heartbroken all at once.

“I will not repeat myself Creativity, remove your hands. Now.” The words rumbled Logan’s chest, as the logical side didn’t pay an inkling of attention to Patton, almost as if pretending that he wasn’t there to begin with. Then again, it made since in a demented kind of way, Apathy wouldn’t care for emotions all that much, and Patton…by that very same prospect.

Even so, Roman’s gripped Logan’s shoulders tight enough to feel the bony structure of Logan’s shoulders under his baggy shirt. “No, I’m not going to leave you alone until you..until you stop being like this! Stop this Logan!” Roman felt the fear gripping his heart like a clawed talon as Logan tilted his head to the side, and he felt a single warm tear trail down his cheek in just pure frustration. He didn’t want this new Logan! He wanted the one who would banter with him, the one who would look over his drafts and..and the one who had read his fanfiction so many times that he had worn the spine of the book out until it needed to be glued back together. That was the one that he wanted, not..not this unfeeling one. 

Never this one.

“Emotions are a sign of weakness Creativity, now let’s wipe away those tears.” The faintest sign up a curled upper lip was the only warning Roman got before he felt Logan’s frigidly cold thumb raking over his cheek wiping away the sole tear.

It was Patton though, who watched in mounting terror as the rosy sheen of Roman’s cheek started to sap away more and more at the deliberate contact that Logan had made with the creative side, it was small at first, before the patch of grey started to grow and grow. It even made Roman’s once wavy hair droop down like he had dunked it into a bucket of water, that was before the shaking had started.

He felt so cold, and yet he also couldn’t move. Why couldn’t he move? He knew that he was shaking and yet he couldn’t move. All he could see was Logan’s dead-eyed stare looming over him, why was he so cold again? It felt so cold, would he ever be warm again? What did warmth feel like again?

“Stop!” Virgil finally found his voice and his will to get his legs moving as he darted forward a lot faster than he had previously ever done before, he went straight for Roman, gripping the prince tight before practically ripping him out of Logan’s grasp, an action that the other let happen all too easy. Especially given how Logan stuffed his hands back into his pocket, pulling out yet another lollipop before shoving it in his mouth.

It was blue just like the last.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! This isn’t funny Logan!” Virgil snapped as he rubbed his hands up and down Roman’s arms, rubbing some warmth as well as some color back into the prince’s cheeks. Although, separating himself from Logan seemed to do the trick well enough, made clear by how his hair regained its soft wavy curls and his cheeks once again were flushed with color.

Roman though practically clung to Virgil, as the shaking and just the bare bones terrified look in the creative side’s eyes remained for far too long. Shooting a glar back at Logan, Virgil’s angry and outright furious expression all but crumpled at Logan’s next words. Words that reminded him that this..this was their fault, but largely his as well.

“It’s not funny…is it?” Apathy mused out loud, before popping his lollipop out of his mouth, the color was already mostly drained from the sucker, leaving behind a dull blue that was already mostly grey.

Next to him, Roman continued to shake as Apathy turned slowly and yet still brushed past Patton, who moved to reach out to Apathy. To try and bring back the friend that they had once had, his hand missed Apathy’s shirt by an inch. Leaving Patton as well as the others, with tears pooling in his eyes as Apathy left them all behind.

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The weeks that were some of the tensest and most silent that Patton had ever witnessed in his entire existence, nobody spoke a word around Apathy, and no one not even Virgil attempted to get close to him again. They had all seen what would happen if they pushed Apathy too far, and a repeat wasn’t something that any of them wanted to partake in.

It felt like they were walking on eggshells though, eggshells that hid an underlaid pack of grenades that could go off at the most opportune moment. Even if it didn’t seem like Apathy could explode with anger, he still felt..off to them. From the lazy way, he lugged himself around, to how he seemed to sleep for hours on end. Missing complete meals with the other sides, just to pop up in the middle of the night taking entire plates of food and fishing them surprisingly fast.

It didn’t even matter what was in the fridge, the first thing that Apathy saw and laid hands on was taken and eaten, but even so, the result was always the same. Within seconds of touching the food, it turned a dull grey color, and the flavor followed suit as well.

Nothing had any taste to it, in the end, it all turned out to be tasteless.

Patton had stolen a piece of the grey food when Apathy hadn’t been looking, and within the first second of putting it into his mouth, he had to spit it back up. It was like eating tofu, not that tofu was bad in any regards. But it was as bland as tasteless as it, with all of the same textures of actual cooked food.

How could Apathy stand to scarf this down? Patton thought to himself, watching from the corner of his eyes as Apathy went back to eating. Surely he could tell that it tasted like nothing, or did he just like it this way?

“What are we going to do?! He can’t stay here, Thomas needs his logic. Not Apathy!” Virgil hissed to both Roman and Patton, as they sat huddled up in the living room. All in all, none of them really liked this, and even so none of them even knew how to fix this.

“Have you tried talking to him? It’s clear that yelling at him is asking for trouble, perhaps a more...gentle approach is needed?” Patton softly offered, just for Roman to immediately shake his head at the prospect. Out of all of them, Roman had been the most mournful of what had happened, and really, it was no secret that he more than likely blamed himself for what had come to pass. Even if it was equal parts all of their fault.

“Are you kidding?! We don’t need to talk, we need Logan back!” Roman sourly muttered shaking his head dejectedly, he hated himself for even thinking it, given that this was Logan’s choice to become this..this apathetic thing. Even so, for the betterment of all of them...and his own guilt, they did need Logan back, and fast.

Patton, however, scowled at Roman, and almost immediately the creative side felt a welling of shame in his heart.

“I’m sorry,” The princely side muttered, his shoulders drooping in an exhausted fashion before he glanced back up at the moral side, “I just..I never..” I never thought that this would happen. I never thought that Logan would ever be gone. I never..I never thought that I could screw up this badly. It was all left unsaid, and yet both Patton and Virgil heard it crystal clear.

“Alright, so what if we try...approaching him at different times. We’ll talk to him, but we cannot rush him. One at a time, slow and steady.” Virgil suggested softly, putting in his two cents of the situation, and was promptly rewarded for it, with a somewhat relieved smile from Patton making it all too clear that really, the moral side had no idea what to do outside of just talking to Apathy.

Saying that he was going to approach Apathy and actually approaching him, felt like two totally different things now that he was doing it. Virgil kind of regretted even volunteering to go first, but Roman undoubtedly wasn’t ready to talk face to face with Apathy just yet and Patton...well Virgil wasn’t totally sure just what Patton had planned as of yet. Only that the moral side had vanished into his room after the agreement had been reached between all of them.

The silence was absolutely stifling the closer that he got to Apathy as the other side had come to sit on the couch after the other two had left, and Virgil had gone to get a drink in order to steel his nerves. It felt so suffocating that the air between them, even though Apathy was just sitting on the couch not doing much outside of completing a sudoku book.

“Anxiety, you have been standing there whilst staring at me for the past five minutes. I would suggest that either you leave, or you sit down. Either way, I do not care.”

Virgil felt himself jerking into action like a un-oiled robot at the mention of his title, it felt so foreign to him now that he was used to being called Virgil. Regardless of that though, he forced his legs to fold under him as he sat on the couch a good amount of distance away from Apathy. It was either now or never, and even now he felt like waiting.

“Apathy,” Virgil began softly, gaining said side’s attention monochrome black eyes drifted over to Virgil, and already it felt like he was attempting to burn a hole into the anxious side’s jacket with his stare alone. “Do you...have a name? Since you’re..you’re no longer L..Logan, I figured that you would have a different name correct?”

A slow blink was his only answer for a moment, and it took Virgil a moment to realize that this was Apathy’s version of surprise.

“You are correct, and I do,” Apathy mumbled slowly his gaze drifting away from Virgil, as he slotted his pencil into his sudoku book saving his page before he shut it and set it on the coffee table. “My name is Apophis, but refer to me by whichever one you want. I don’t care.”

“Surely you have a preference, even I have a preference to what I am called,” Virgil argued back, his brows furrowing almost immediately.

“I don’t care.” Came the simple answer.

“Do you miss having emotions?” Virgil tried again, this time turning his body fully towards Apathy..or Apophis as he had just learned.

“I don’t care.” The answer, was still the same and yet it was equally just as disheartening to hear from Apophis’ lips.

Apophis’ fingers twitched for a split second as he stared down at his sudoku book, he knew that he couldn’t exactly pick it up and start playing with the pencil now while Virgil was talking to him.  Yet he needed something to fiddle with, there wasn’t even an emotional need behind it, just an itch in his fingers that told him to fiddle with something.

Just like that, another lollipop was summoned into his fingers. Allowing him to spin it around, before tearing the paper off and popping it into his mouth. Raking his tongue over the blue lollipop, Virgil watched in mounting curiosity as the color drained almost instantly from the candy.

“Does it bother you that you can no longer taste your candy?” And just like that, the attention was focused back on Virgil, as the question seemed to get somewhat of a reaction out of Apophis as his eyes darted to the side.

“I-”

“Don’t care…” Virgil sighed, but even so, he wasn’t satisfied, Logan had to be in there somewhere, he had to be. Logan couldn’t just up and change into another facet of Thomas’ personality. It was theoretically impossible!

“That’s not true!” Virgil suddenly burst out, all of his frustrations almost too easily boiling over, as he scooted closer and closer to Apophis, before suddenly placing his hand on the other’s knee. A numbness spread through his fingers and all the way up to his elbow, it hurt to even imagine moving his fingers let alone moving his hand. “You have to at least feel something! You cannot be that empty! You just can’t!” Virgil’s fingers dug into the flimsy ripped fabric of Apophis’ jeans, as if that would somehow make sure he didn’t either drain Virgil of all of his feelings and color, or somehow...by some wild notion get Apophis to admit it.

“I don’t care, and I think that it was evident enough what you thought about Logic’s emotions Anxiety. It’s funny now isn’t it?” Apophis snipped back at Virgil, and he didn’t even seem to take any enjoyment out of the way that the anxious side recoiled like he had been slapped in the face. Instead, Apophis leaned in, cold radiating off of him more so than when Virgil had comfortably been sitting next to him. “The joke’s on you now, so deal with it.” Apophis whispered without any hint of any kind of malice towards him.

His fingers pressed against the center of Virgil’s chest, roughly pushing him back, and even though the contact was brief, it was every bit as painful as he had imagined.

It was like an icicle had been shoved right through the center of his chest, with frost biting and eating away at his flesh reducing him to nothing more than a frostbitten corpse. A harsh shiver wracked Virgil’s body, and he couldn’t help but to thank the lord that the contact was as brief as it was. When Apophis picked his sudoku book up, walking away.

“Enjoy my presence Anxiety, because I will not be leaving.” And with that, Apophis turned the corner, leaving Virgil to clutch his chest as he gasped and wheezed for air. An insane amount of pressure lifting up from his lungs, even so, the mention of guiltiness ate him away from the inside.

Chapter Text

“I want to try talking to him next,” Roman said before anyone could say a word to him, they were all huddled back up into the kitchen, as Apathy had seemingly made it his purpose to take up the couch any second that he wasn’t asleep, or they weren’t on it.

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea, Ro? I mean it hasn’t been that long since…” Roman grimaced at Patton’s words, the memory of every happy feeling, let alone any feeling being leeched right out of him like Apathy was some feelings sponge was all too real in his mind. It still made his skin crawl just thinking about it. Yet...he couldn’t just give up and do nothing about all of this, if Logan was..if he was really gone and Apathy in his place then...then he needed to do what could be done in order to make sure things weren’t so tense around here.

However, if Logan really was somewhere deep inside of Apathy, just laying in wait for whatever reason, then he was absolutely certain that he could be the one to get Logan to come out again as well.

“I’m sure,” He firmly stated with a serious nod of his head, “I’ve at least got to try something.” With that said, he left the kitchen his back as straight as an arrow, almost as if he was marching off into war, and Apathy was his great enemy that needed either slaying or befriending.

The emotionless side in question had remained in the living room for a good amount of time, his lanky body stretched out over the couch, with his legs hanging over the armrest of the couch as he dragged his pencil across a pad of lined paper. Something which Patton would have scolded any of them for, and yet...Apathy really didn’t seem to care about what Patton said to him. If anything, Apathy consistently acted like Patton wasn’t there, or as if anything he ever said fell on deaf ears. It was downright disrespectful, to the moral side, who had looked after all of them for such a long time.

“Hey...Apathy.” Roman nearly cursed himself right there for almost slipping up and saying Logan’s name, if he wanted to get through to the guy he at least had to play along for now. “What are you doing?”

Apathy’s eyes slowly trailed from his pad of paper to Roman’s knees, before slowly and almost with the pace of a snail, started slowly inching their way up before settling on Roman’s face. His upper lip twitched just the tiniest amount, and that was all Roman needed to see in order to figure out that Apathy, in his own strange kind of way, wasn’t pleased to see him, much less so than the others at least. Then again it wasn’t exactly like Apathy could feel disgust...right?

“Creativity.” Apathy intoned blankly, he looked almost bored as he stared back at the princely side, not even bothering to sit up as Roman inched forward little by little.  “What is it that you want Creativity? Can you not see that I happen to busy at this time?”

The cold words made Roman recoil just the smallest bit, before he beamed down Apathy. “Well I’d hate to disturb you, is there any time that you won’t be busy?” He offered, trying somewhat to be nice, and yet a blank stare of rejection stared back at him with the emotions of a plain unused cotton ball.

“No, if it involves you Creativity, then I am always busy.” And just like that those black dead looking eyes trailed on back over to his pad of paper as he moved the pencil around a tiny bit more, now back to ignoring Roman for everything that he was worth.

“What are you drawing?” He instead tried to ask, not allowing the sting of rejection from Apathy of all people to reach his heart, as he tilted his head trying to get a good look at whatever Apathy was attempting to sketch. What would Apathy of all people be so interested in drawing? What would he want to get down on paper?

A tired sigh left Apathy, a sound that seemed almost too much like Logan when he had been working way too hard and they wanted him to stop, when Logan was so worn to the bone that couldn’t bear to keep up niceties in the slightest.

“If you aren’t going to leave…” Apathy grumbled, finally sliding his legs off of the armrest of the couch, finally sitting up and leaving Roman just enough room to sit down next to him. Even sitting up he was still so much shorter than Roman, with his hunched posture he almost seemed smaller than even Virgil. “Here.” Apathy muttered almost sourly in a way, before he threw the pad of paper over to Roman, before the creative side could even think to reach over and possibly touch him of all things.

Roman fumbled with it for a moment, flipping to the page that Apathy had been working on, and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“W..why…” Roman found himself choking on his very words as he stared down at the sketch, “Why would you draw Logan?” He was finally able to ask once his tongue was no longer in a knot. The glasses, the neat swept-back hair, the tie that was perfectly in place, and..and the smug smile that lit up Logan’s face. It all looked so astonishingly real, Roman traced his finger over the sketched jawline of Logan. A well of emotions rising up inside of him like a volcano that was ready to explode at any given moment.

“I didn’t wish to forget his face,” Apathy’s words both confused and surprised him all at once as he too stared down at the picture, although unlike Roman, he only stared at it with the utmost critical eye. Like a critic surveying someone else’s work for themselves, he didn’t understand why Roman got so emotional over a simple sketch. “He is important, and as such who he is should not be forgotten….not like how the three of you forgot him before.”

The words took on a sudden edge now, like an arrow that aimed for any spot that would kill or maim the creative side. That arrow too easily found its target right in Roman’s heart, as he flinched acutely at those words. His head lowering just for a moment as he bit his bottom lip.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

Roman repeated to himself over and over again, taking in a shuddering breath and holding it for what felt like hours before he suddenly released it. When he was ready, he glanced over to Apathy, meeting the heartless cold stare head-on, or...at least as head-on as he could at this moment. As if he was meeting a challenge of some kind, a challenge that Apathy didn’t even know he was participating in, but was still winning.

“Apathy,” Roman slowly began scooting around a little in his seat, swallowing thickly in order to keep the well of emotions down. “You..you know that we’re sorry right? We’re sorry for the things that we said to Logan, and..and we all really want him back. We’re sorry.”

Apathy’s lips curled upwards revealing his teeth in a definite snarl, “You aren’t sorry, none of you are really that sorry…” Apathy spoke slowly as he stood, plucking the sketchbook from Roman’s hands without daring to touch the other. “But you all will be.” And with that, Apathy was gone leaving Roman feeling significantly colder than before, and feeling somehow even worse about things.  

They didn’t deserve this...did they?

Chapter Text

“Apathy! Hey, hey Apathy!” A familiar and a very annoying voice called out to the side in question, as Roman came barreling into the kitchen with a smile fixed to his face, not even two hours after Apathy had practically threatened his life. What would it take to get this guy off his back? Did he need to stab someone in some vital place?

“What is it, Creativity?” Apathy looked like he was barely even paying attention as soon as Roman got into his line of sight, but that didn’t bother him too much as he watched Apathy drag the dulling color of a lollipop slowly over his tongue. As if that would give him an excuse to not interact with Roman for a second longer, or so that Roman would perhaps get the idea and just scram.

Whatever it was, Roman didn’t pay any attention to it as he held his hands out popping a small box around the side of a shoe box into existence, he eagerly looked back at Apathy looking for a sign of something on his face, or anything perhaps. However, upon seeing only a slight raise of Apathy’s eyebrow as he blandly looked back at the box, Roman exaggeratedly rolled his eyes.

“It’s a gift mister sketchy,” Roman exasperatedly explained, pulling the top off with plenty ease before sliding the contents that were nestled inside of it like a pack of sardines, on over to him.

Another eyebrow raise was his response as Apathy popped his sucker back into his mouth so that the stick was left poking out of his lips as he lazily raked his fingers over the contents of the box. Within seconds, his other eyebrow rose as well, before his empty black eyes drifted back up to Roman, just to see the creative side practically beaming so much that his cheeks must have hurt from how wide he was smiling at him. Had he been able to feel it, Apathy was sure that he could have felt disgusted at the pitiful sight before him.

“Candy?” He mumbled out from behind the stick of his sucker, reaching in he plucked the bag of bright blue candies out of the box it was being held in among other things. Giving them a shake he listened to them rattle for a moment before glancing back over at Roman, as if waiting for an explanation he could care less for.

“You seem to...tolerate those blue suckers more than the other foods that we have around here, so..so I thought that you might like those. They’re cotton candy flavored and-”

“I’ll stop you right there.” Apathy carelessly interrupted Roman without a second thought in the matter, “I can’t taste, these could taste like shit, and I’d never be able to tell the difference between this and one of my normal suckers. I. Can’t. Taste. Anything.” He told Roman with the brutal honesty that made the creative side wilt a little on the inside, the frown that tugged on Roman’s face only made the princely side look even more depressed about the situation.

“Nothing?” Roman whispered, horror blooming in his chest at the sudden revelation that he was being presented with, he wouldn’t even be able to live if he couldn’t taste Patton’s pasta and his cookies, or worse of all...his delicious crofters. To just taste nothing at all...that would be awful, were would the zest in life go? Mainly eating in order to ensure that he didn’t die, not caring and eating...greens. A shudder rolled through his body without having meant to do so as Apathy just nodded his head in confirmation.

“I will keep them though, I do like candy even if I cannot taste it. So this will at least be adequate enough for me to consume.” It was with that sentence alone that Roman felt a little seedling of hope grow in his chest, especially as Apathy turned back to the box. Pulling out a few things along with the candy. Such as a collection of color pencils, some charcoal, and even a little set of paints if he wanted to use them. With each artistic thing, Apathy found his hand pausing on the next one, as he glanced at Roman each time that he did.

For all intents and purposes, Creativity seemed to be trying a little bit harder than Anxiety had, although that was to be expected. He honestly hadn’t expected Anxiety to keep it together long enough to get through even an hour in the same room as him. Apathy had known that he would fail, just as he had failed Logan before him. So there was at least that, the simultaneously terrified and warm smile on Creativity’s face told him enough. He had guts.

His fingers grazed the last thing in the box, and Apathy felt the muscles in his body locking up into place.

The silky fabric of the bright blue tie felt like it burned the tips of his fingers, and that was when his lungs felt like they stopped being auto-breathe. He was aware of every breath that he took now, and even how heavy his chest felt as he stared at the lighter fabric of the blue tie resting innocently in the box curled up in the corner. It was Logan’s old tie, the tie that he had worn day in and day out before all of the sides had changed their outfits together. It had been just recently washed too, judging by the faintest smell of lavender coming from it. The fabric didn’t feel right in his hand, it felt too smooth, the complete opposite in compared to the rough nature of his jeans and shirt.

It felt like it was burning his skin off.

“How dare you.” Apathy’s upper lips curled back into a sneer, and Roman found himself backpedaling almost immediately, as Apathy rose. He wasn’t hunched over anymore. And he most certainly didn’t seem so short anymore, as Apathy stood at his full height gaining at least an inch on Roman. He was just as tall as Logan was, and not a hair over it. “You think that you can try to get him back in such a simple way? You think...that you can just try to get me comfortable and slip this under my nose?”

Roman had never heard monotone anger before, and honestly, coming from Apathy it was the most terrifying thing that he’d ever had the displeasure of hearing. “N..No I-”

Static roared in Apathy’s ears, and his skin tingled as he grasped the tie even tighter, waving it almost mockingly in front of Roman’s face now. “You don’t deserve him back! You have never ever deserved Logan, and you never will!” Apathy sneered at him, fashing his bone white teeth at Roman like a cat revealing its claws to its soon unsuspecting victim, and Roman felt himself grow cold.

Apathy took a step back, the static was roaring between his ears like an ocean in a conch shell, he waved the tie again before holding it over the trash can. Roman felt his heart drop as soon as Apathy dropped it, shortly followed by the pile of art supplies that Roman had gifted him with previously.

“You don’t deserve to have him back.” Apathy smoothly retorted, and snagging the bag of candy he stalked out of the kitchen, his posture once again returning to its hunched over position as he made his way to the stairs.

Once he was gone though, Roman rushed to the trashcan, rustling through the art supplies and leftover food in order to retrieve the tie that rested among a pile of chili that had been tossed out from last night.

“I know…” Roman sadly said, even though Apathy was no longer in the room, “We never did…”

Chapter Text

The slamming of the door rang out through the mindscape, although that was mostly because, Apathy in the haze of the static that roared in his ears and filled his mind to the brim, forgot how to gently shut the door. He felt his teeth grinding against one another, and that alone would have been confusing, had he been able to feel the emotion. He did not feel any anger, and thus there wasn’t a reason for him to grind his teeth together. Perhaps his method acting was catching up to him, acting as if he was angry in front of Roman needed some coaching, and grinding one’s teeth was an accurate way to look upset.

Nevertheless, in the safe blankness of his own room, Apathy allowed himself to relax as he shed his socks, kicking them off to the side to feel the tickling softness of his thick carpet under his feet. Thankfully this was one thing that he could feel from something else, something that didn’t elicit that burning sensation across his skin.

So slinking forward made his way to the other door in his bedroom, one that was just left to his bathroom. It was locked just as it always was, but when one had the right key, then just about anything could be opened up to them.

Pressing his thumb to the tiny hole in the doorknob, that was just about the size of a pinhead, Apathy waited and winced the moment the stinging pain was felt on the pad of his thumb. Pulling his thumb away, a single drop of bright ruby red blood glistened, before he rubbed it away on the side of his jeans before opening the door.

There wasn’t a room available to him, just a blank wall, and a mirror on the other side of the door. A mirror that reflected nothing at all.

A mirror that he rapped his knuckles on, “Logan,” He softly intoned, “Are you there?” He asked, waiting for a solid moment, as hurried footsteps could be heard on the other side before Logan rushed into view.

His glasses were askew and his hair was absolutely wild, before the logical side made an effort to flatten it with his hands. “Apep! You’re there, how are things? You’re alright, right? They haven’t said or done anything to hurt you have they? Have they touched you? Do you need me to come back?” Logan worried blathered for a moment, just to go silent as Apathy cracked a bland smile, before slowly shaking his head.

“All is well Logan, I am doing everything that you have instructed me to. Thomas’ logic is functioning perfectly in your absence, and while I have had a few run-ins with Anxiety and Creativity...Morality is keeping his distance.” Logan nodded to each one of them, his lips pressing together in a firm line at the mention of Virgil and Roman, as something akin to pain flared up inside of him before he roughly pushed it back down. “I also…” Apathy paused, and Logan’s eyes narrowed sharply.

“What?” He suddenly asked, “What happened Apep?” Something stirred inside of him, worry, concern, and...fear.

“I…” Apathy’s head tilted to the side again, before closing his eyes as he let out a monotone sigh before shaking his head again. “I had another incident...in the kitchen, when Creativity ... when he gifted me your old tie.”

A loud and definitely very pissed curse filled the air, as Logan’s upper lip curled into a defiant snarl as he slammed his fist against the edge of the mirror they were talking through.

“Are you alright? Are you feeling better now? I can still come back if-”

“ No .” Apathy almost instantly interrupted, a soft lull of static made his head twinge slightly to the left, before he ignored it as well, instead choosing to focus on Logan instead. “I am fine now, everything is going according to the plan. I am fine, I put him in his place, rest assured. I promise Logan...I am fine.”  He attempted to assure Logan, and watching the other push his glasses back up into place before shaking his head, Apathy again offered a blank smile even if there was no emotion behind it.

Upon seeing the smile Logan felt his shoulders sag, before a slight chuckle rumbled out of his chest. “Fine.” He chuckled out, pressing his hand to the glass that separates him. “Fine…” He murmured again, as Apathy followed suit, pressing his hand directly where Logan’s was.

And when their fingers interlocked, Apathy smiled a little bit more honestly this time as the color seeped slowly back into his skin. “I’ve got this Logan, I promise.”

However, just like that, the moment was over as Logan’s head snapped up to attention, his hand pulled back over the mirror and into his own space once again. “He’s attempting to summon me, you’d best not be late Apep.” Logan’s smile seemed just a little bit sadder, as the color once again drained from Apathy, and the other’s cold distant look returned as he sharply nodded his head, shutting the door and locking it back into place.

“Uh, guys…” Thomas began, looking more than a little uncomfortable as he obviously stared at where Logan was supposed to be standing, but instead, where Apathy was sitting in an almost executive boss chair with his hands neatly folded in his lap and a lollipop stick poking out between his lips. His blank-eyed stare bothered Thomas. “Who is this?” He asked, feeling a cold sensation crawl up his spine the longer he met Apathy’s gaze head-on.

Just seeing the way that Virgil nervously rubbed the side of his arm, and how Roman instantly looked away, Thomas wasn’t even sure of what to think until Apathy plucked the sucker out of his mouth and opened it.  

“My name, is Apathy. I am working in Logan’s place for the time being. Please, do not let my presence interrupt whatever is going on in your mundane life. Go on.” Oddly enough, it felt like Apathy was talking just like a therapist..or no not even that. Like he was talking to his doctor about whatever would be wrong with him if he even went in the first place.

“Why?” Thomas didn’t mean to make his voice sound so demanding, but the inkling of worry and horror that had started to crawl up into his heart, was now festering into a snake of massive proportions.

Roman winced, and Virgil cringed away as Patton’s expression gained an utmost guilty look on his face. The worry squeezed his heart even tighter not, as fear started to curdle in his stomach.

“Guys, what happened to Logan?!” Thomas demanded, turning on his heel so that he could go and look over to Patton, expecting at least an honest answer from him at least. However, when he got only a shake of the moral side’s head, Thomas snapped his gaze over to Virgil, expecting a straight or even blunt answer. Another shake. Roman was the one he looked to finally, and as the creative side opened his mouth, he watched the other side’s shoulders sage in a mixture of regret and shame.

“They fucked up is what happened.” It was Apathy who spoke again, his dry and straightforward voice put Thomas on edge the more he listened to it, and yet...he couldn’t stop as Apathy was really the only one who was explaining just what had happened. “Creativity, Anxiety, and Morality all had a hand to play in it. Creativity insulted Logan, they...turned on him in a way, and hurt him when he needed them. So he turned to me, I am here to set things right.” The equally ominous and dull tone scared him, but not nearly as much as how the words enraged him.

“You did what to him?!” He barked out, turning to the other sides as he watched them all visibly recoil in both fear and shame as he reprimanded them. Looking at them all Thomas let the disappointment show in his eyes, Patton’s head lowered even more as Virgil’s shoulders hunched up and Roman’s lower lip quivered a little bit. “I...I don’t even have any words to stay to you three…” Thomas muttered out, shaking his head in dismay.

“Kiddo we didn’t mean t-” Patton raised his head just a little in order to defend themselves.

“No Patton, no excuses. You guys live together. You guys are supposed to take care of each other, I..I want all of you to apologize to Logan. I want a heartfelt apology to him, and when he accepts it...I’ll accept it.” Thomas firmly said, for once putting his foot down when it came to something like this, he had accepted Roman’s little nicknames for Virgil and the others, mainly because they didn’t seem upset by them. But this...this was way past that.

However, looking over to Apathy who watched the whole thing go down without the slightest change in facial movement. Thomas turned to him, “Where...is Logan?” He finally asked, and from the corner of his eye he could see the other sides leaning in, they were desperate too. They hadn’t gotten a single clue as to where Logan was from Apathy, surely Thomas could get answers right?

“He is safe, that is all anyone needs to know.” Apathy smoothly responded, and as the other sides deflated a little bit, Thomas just nodded his head in a sad kind of acceptance.

“Alright…” Thomas murmured, and that was that.

Chapter Text

It was several hours later before Apathy was forced to leave the vacancy of his own room, eventually, the grumbling of his own stomach and the pains of hunger had become too much for him to simply ignore anymore. Upon exiting his room, he heard the sounds a tv program playing down the end of the hall coming from Roman’s room, while all he could really hear from Virgil’s was the faintest sound of someone walking around. Given that Patton’s room was downstairs, he felt at least marginally more satisfied knowing that those two wouldn’t be down there to interrupt him while he gained his nourishment.

That miniscule amount of satisfaction though, immediately withered and died as soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs, the smell of gingerbread cookies filled the air, gingerbread Logan’s favorite cookie. The apron that usually hung on the hook just outside of the kitchen was missing, as the softest and quietest humming he had ever heard filled the air. Patton of all sides was in the kitchen, precisely when he needed to get into there. For a moment Apathy considered waiting until the moral side had simple gone away, or at least when he left the kitchen long enough for him to grab something to replenish himself on.

However, a rather loud grumble of his stomach cut that plan short before it could even begin as the humming abruptly stopped and Patton poked his head out of the kitchen. Apathy could read the disappointment on Patton’s face like a book, even though the fatherly side desperately tried to hide that it was even there. As much as Morality wanted to, he would never be as good at hiding his emotions as Apathy was. He could see it all.

“Heya Apophis...want a cookie?” Patton offered, already feeling that much more awkward as Apathy’s silent and yet laser sharp stare seemed to pick him apart from the inside out. Plucking one of the cooled gingerbread cookies up, he offered it to the emotionless side. They were all in various shapes and sizes, it just so happened that Apathy’s was in the shape of a tie.

“I..” Apathy’s lip curled up almost instinctively at the shape, and darting his dead looking eyes up to Patton he saw...nothing, no ill-intent like he’d seen with Roman, no sheer desperation that he had gotten from Virgil. Just...the kindness of offering someone a cookie. “I appreciate it.” He grumbled out, snatching the cookie from Patton before taking a massive bite from it. As per usual, it tasted of nothing, but at the same time, the smell was absolutely fantastic. It smelled just like Christmas, not that he knew what that was like, only how Logan had described it to be.

Nevertheless, he settled down, as the warm crisp golden brown of his cookie started to fade to a sad grey.

When Patton glanced over to him, after he had settled down, Apathy knew almost immediately what to expect from the nervous hesitation and awkward looks that never lingered on him.

“Logan, do you ever feel sad?” Patton suddenly asked, and as Apathy found the hairs on the back of his neck bristling at the question that he had expected and yet also disliked with a vengeance. Here they were.

“My name,” Apathy slowly said, as if that would help Patton get it through his thick skull. “Is not Logan.” He bluntly told the other. “I am not Logan! I never have been, and I never will be!” He was aware of how similar they looked, both in height as well as the way he spoke, but this..this somehow made the static rise back in the depth of his ears, like someone rubbing two pieces of sandpaper against one another.

And yet, despite basically being shouted at Patton looked the most guilty out of all of them, as the moral side heaved a sigh dragging his hand over his face before shaking his head. “I...you’re right.” Patton finally uttered, looking to be the most regretful out of both Roman and Virgil. “You..you look like him, but ultimately you..you are not him. I am sorry Apophis, I really am.”

A look of muted surprise fell over Apathy’s face as he tilted his head to the side just the tiniest bit, Patton was honestly the one who seemed the most genuine in his sorrow and it didn’t seem like..a trick or anything.

“You…” Apathy glanced over to the countertop absolutely full of gingerbread cookies, he was definitely going to have some form of regret over this later on. “You and only you may call me Apep...it’s..it’s a nickname. Logan came up with it, when I told him my full name.”

The smile that curled onto Patton’s face did absolutely nothing for Apathy, and yet...it made the sound of static in his ears fade away as the moral side beamed at him like he had just granted him the lottery.

“Thank you so much Apep! You won’t regret this! I promise!”

At first, Apathy didn’t know what was happening when Patton got close to him, he didn’t know up until the moment that Patton opened up his arms. That was when Apathy stumbled up to his feet, just to instantly be locked in place as soon as Patton threw himself at Apathy, making him stumble back a step or two as the moral side..as he hugged him.

It’s hot! Too hot, too hot! Burning..burning.. burning !

“Morality. Please stop.” Apathy tried, as Patton nuzzled his face into Apathy’s chest, and he literally had to force himself to keep his even tone, it felt like his skin was blistering and burning under his skin. The heat felt unreal, his skin tingled like a thousand fire ants were crawling under his skin pinching and biting at his muscles, as they seized and spasmed under Patton’s grip. “Let me go.” He whispered, watching the tips of Patton’s hair starting to dull, before it started to happen faster and faster, the bright blue of Patton’s shirt turning a light grey, as his hair lifelessly flopped against his face. No longer that fluffy curliness, that he usually had. “ Let me go! ”

Apathy finally screamed the words out, bunching his muscles up, as he rested his hands against Patton’s shoulders, roughly shoving him away from himself. The relief was almost instantaneous, as the fire under his skin died down to a stinging sensation that was almost nonexistent.  

His strength, however, ending up being a lot stronger than he had thought that it was.

As the moment that Patton’s hip slammed into the counter a loud pained cry escaped from Patton, and within seconds of that cry the sound of the tv turned off, and Roman appeared at the entrance of the kitchen. He had clearly been in the middle of something, but had dropped it to come to Patton’s aid.

Honestly, when Roman had heard Patton’s cry, he hadn’t assumed that much, mainly that Patton had burned himself when opening the oven again, going by the smell of cookies that he could smell all the way in his bedroom. However, hearing the massive thump of someone definitely falling downstairs, Roman jolted into action sinking down from his room and appearing to see just what the damage was.

It was upon seeing the fading colors of Patton, and how the moral side was picking himself up from the floor did it all firmly snap into place for Roman. At that moment he forgot it all, he forgot his fear, his guilt, and his shame to what Apathy stood for. Instead, there was only one thing that was left burning fiercely inside his chest, as he stalked towards Apathy.

And that was rage.

“How dare you! How dare you lay a single fucking finger on him!” Roman snarled, fury radiating from his every word, as he summoned a dagger that would be useful to him in close combat. “You have every right to be angry with us! You have every right to be furious at me! But! You. Do. Not. Get. To Hurt. Him!” Roman roared, giving Apathy a little shove with each and every word, up until the point he was actually pinning the other against the island countertop.

It was burning again, it hurt so much more than when Patton had strung his arms around him. The only thing that Apathy could even do at that point was watch as Roman’s lips moved as the audio seemed almost disjointed from everything that was happening, sound roared in Apathy’s ears.

Too much sound, and too much touching. Too much fire, and much heat.

“ Don’t ..” Apathy growled out, baring his teeth akin to a feral dog that was just two seconds away from snapping, his eyes weren’t focused one little bit. Instead, they only looked to be glazed over and unfocused, as he snapped forward with enough speed to surprise even Roman.

The princely side felt the hands pushing at his face, and there was a struggle as soon as he felt himself and all of his emotions and passions slipping away like cotton candy in water. They both struggled, Apathy getting the upper hand for a moment as he attempted to forcibly move Roman out of the way, Apathy grabbed ahold of the arm that held the dagger, and the struggle continued until one of them tripped over their feet. It was in that struggle that it happened.

“Roman!” Patton’s scream filled the air, as crimson red splattered against the ground.

Raising his head up, Logan curiously peered over to the mirror as the door on Apathy’s side that was normally kept shut, suddenly creaked open.

“Apep?” He called out, setting his books and notes down on the desk as he got up to his feet, there wasn’t Apathy’s usual knocking that usually came with him opening the door. So tilting his head to the side Logan got closer and closer to the mirror that should have had Apathy on the other side of it. “Apep?” He called out again, and only silence answered him as he stared into the blank void of Apathy’s room.

A string of worry tugged at Logan’s heart, the longer he waited the more that it tugged and tugged.

It could have been nothing, it probably was nothing and yet… Logan found himself passing one leg through the mirror, stepping into the room that had once belonged to him, the room hummed for a moment, as if even it recognized Logan’s presence. Running his hand over the smooth white wall, the logical side paused for a moment, but just for a moment as a familiar scream filled the air.

“Patton!” Logan gasped, full on sprinting out of his old room and leaping the down the column of stairs nearly spraining his ankle in the process of such a daring feat. Before he darted around the corner, skidding into view of the kitchen.

His heart leaped up into his throat, and his stomach dropped in horror as he stood there. Looking at the puddle of dark crimson red blood that had slowly spread throughout the kitchen. His shaking hand raised up to his mouth, and before he even knew it he was rushing forward shoving Patton and Roman to the side as he knelt in the wet sticky liquid.

His hands hastily pressed against the wound as Apathy’s head dizzily rolled back and forth, “What on earth have you done!” He practically screamed the words at Roman, his chest felt too tight now, as just the faintest hints of color came back into Apathy. His bland black eyes turning a lovely shade of navy blue as he cracked them open.

Everything felt right as soon as he saw Logan, it didn’t matter that Logan looked just as scared and horrified as Virgil did upon seeing the scene before him. His hands were slicked with his own blood as he weakly grasped for Logan.

“L..Lo..Logan…” He gasped out, a choked whimper crawling its way out of his throat, “Logan...I..I’m scared…”

That mere sentence hurt Logan a lot more than it hurt Roman, as the creative side physically recoiled at the words that had seemingly struck him right in the heart.

“It’s okay Apep, it’s okay. I’m here, just stay awake alright. I’m here.” Logan coached the other, before his head snapped over to the other’s his sweet warm look morphing into one of the most disgusted kind of hate that Roman had ever seen on his face. “What are you doing just standing there like an idiot?! Help me!” Logan barked sharply back at Roman, rage etched onto every line on his face.

Little else that needed to be said. As Roman was off like a bullet, practically galloping up the stairs, bringing back almost every first aid kit they had stored in the mindscape.

It took at least a good hour before Apathy was stable again, and once he had been successfully tucked into the couch with their warmest blankets layered over him, and their softest pillow resting under his head Patton finally burst with questions.

“Where have you been? How do you know Apathy? Why did you send him in your place? Did you know how worried we were f-” Logan raised his hand, and with a single gesture as he closed it into a fist. Patton’s hand slapped over his mouth, with the force of someone backhanding him.

Everything was silent, as Virgil stared at Logan’s closed fist in abject horror, while Roman seemed as pale as a sheet.

“You know,” Logan slowly began as his other hand brushed away the hair from Apathy’s forehead, “I learned quite a lot in my time in the subconscious.” He slowly stated, and meeting Patton’s eyes, as the moral side’s hand stayed firmly in place, Patton felt a sharp curdle of fear raking its way into his heart. Making his entire body tremble, as Logan’s eyes, his once deep blue. As blue as the ocean, steadily started turning blacker and blacker, as a wicked grin lit up Logan’s face. Distorting it, and making him look positively grim.

“So it’s my turn to talk now.”

Chapter Text

“How do you feel Patton?” Logan asked as he lazily circled the moral side like a predator slowly gaining on its prey. The question was mocking in a way, and the tears the bubbled up in Patton’s eyes only seemed to delight Logan even further as the hand remained clasped tight over the other’s mouth. “I do hope that you’re comfortable, but please, tell me how you feel. Tell me how it feels to be silenced, does it hurt?” Logan crooned softly as he looming over Patton’s shoulders. He let out a deep chuckle that seemed to rattle his entire body, as he rested both of his hands on the fatherly side’s shoulders.

Patton was trembling now, as Logan shadow stretched up the wall, completely distorting and not resembling a shadow at all really. The tears trailed down Patton’s face, dripping over his hand as it remained tightly over his mouth, muffling even his terrified sobs. He didn’t want to be scared of Logan, he wanted to be happy he was back...just..just not like this.

“L..leave him alone!” Virgil ordered, finally gathering his nerve even as he felt a great pit of fear swelling inside of him, stepping forward he marched towards Logan. Looking to be the only one willing to smack some sense into Logan, in one way or another. It didn’t matter if he was shaking in his boots, or that Logan looked fucking terrifying right now. Someone needed to do it.

“Oh Virgil,” Logan tsked shaking his head as he quickly sidestepped the anxious side’s movement to push him away. “Always so quick to come to someone’s aid….unless it actually matters.” He sneered back at Virgil, relishing the brief look of guilt that curled over the other’s face, but even more, he relished the fear burning in Virgil’s eyes. Guilt was useless to him, but fear...fear he could use.

All it took was a gesture of his pointer finger before Virgil found himself pushed by an invisible force, careening into Roman’s side who had dived to stop him from slamming into the wall. Roman’s feet dug into the carpet as he wrapped his arms around Virgil’s middle, the force was a constant, almost as if it sought to keep them both pinned to that spot. Just like Logan had wanted it to.

“Now then,” Logan began as he trailed his way over to Apathy, who’s unconscious state ensured that he saw none of what the logical side was doing to the others. As he gingerly lifted Apathy’s head, with a lot more care than how he had just handled the others. Before sitting down, allowing the emotionless side’s head to rest in his lap, as Logan brushed a few strands of hair out of his face.

A shade of pink blossomed back into Apathy’s cheeks.

“Are you three all calm now? Why don’t you all sit down, and we can talk like adults?”

Just like that, the force that seemed to weigh so heavily on Roman and Virgil all but vanished, leaving Roman to almost topple over and drop the anxious side. Had he not hastily curled his arms under Virgil’s arms holding him up as he gasped for air. Likewise, Patton felt his own hand loosening from around his mouth, leaving him to breathe heavily as he rubbed the tears on his face away.

“You villain!” Roman practically snarled at Logan, Logan who didn’t look the least bit bothered by the title as he unimpressively looked back at Roman with a single raised eyebrow.

“I believe,” Logan slowly spoke, “I said to sit down.”

The snap of his fingers echoed all throughout the mindscape, and just like that the pressure became so much worse for all of them, like a can crusher slowly squeezing and forcing their knees into submission until they bent and collapsed onto the ground. Effectively sitting on the carpeted floor, with their legs crossed. Just like they were in kindergarten being naughty students, with Logan being the teacher. All over again.

“You’ve treated him very poorly...my Apep.” Logan began, as his fingers gently curled around one of the locks of Apathy’s hair, twisting and twirling it around in between his fingers. “I assume that you’re curious as to how I know him, or why he even took my place while I was...away.” Just taking a single glance over their collective faces, and aside from the pure rage that was being bottled up inside of them, the logical side also saw what he knew best.

Curiosity.

“Apathy isn’t me, as I’m sure that even you lot have figured out by now. Apathy...isn’t anybody.” The anger filled stares that almost instantly transformed into confused made Logan grin a little, mostly that he knew something that they didn’t. “Apathy in itself, within Thomas, is formless. He doesn’t have a body like we do, but-” He held up his finger, watching the others flinch back expectedly, which only served to heighten his amusement tenfold. “I met him,” Logan began.

Just to stop as a pained whimper left Apathy’s pale and slightly parted lips, the emotionless side attempted to turn on his injured side, just garnering another distressed moan from him as he buried his face into Logan’s lap as pained tears leaked out of his closed eyes. Within seconds, Patton saw Logan’s sinister and cruel expression fade away into obscurity as the logical side gentle hushed Apathy, continuously running his fingers through the other’s hair again and again, up until Apathy had settled back down. Once again resting his head on Logan’s lap, and as unconscious as could be. Roman’s eyes held an impenetrable layer of guilt in them.

However, the moment that Logan’s eyes locked back onto them, that soft tender look was gone, and all that replaced it was contempt.

“As I was saying,” Logan continued, “I met him, pretty early on. Perhaps two..three years after we had all been created by Thomas. I met him, and we...understood each other, he didn’t understand a lot of things. He didn’t understand why people were mean or rude at first until someone was eventually mean or rude to Thomas. He didn’t know...but I did. We did a lot of talking in those years, and we..we got close.” Here Logan’s face once again amassed a look of brief softness to it. “Then he took my form, I allowed him to see my memories, my facts, and...my reason for existence. He is my apathy, just..just as I am his empathy. He understood then, just as he understands now.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about him?” Patton’s voice cracked, and he shivered at the unadulterated fear that wracked his entire body, as soon as Logan’s cold, empty, black eyes locked onto him.

“Why would I?” The coldness of his tone, and the pure disconnect that was there said it all. Logan had no reason to tell them anything, they had ignored him, they had treated him like he was someone that could just be talked over, and honestly...Patton couldn’t blame him for not opening up.

“Logan we-”

A dry gasping cough rattled the air, and Logan’s eyes shot down to Apathy, as his deep blue eyes cracked open. A swell of relief blossomed inside of Logan’s chest upon seeing those eyes open again, those blue eyes he had fearfully thought would never open ever again. His muscles relaxed as Apathy gazed blearily up at him, as if the emotionless side was gazing at him through a layer of mist.

“Lo?” Apathy rasped out, and it was then that Logan realized it, he’d taken Apathy’s glasses off in order to make him more comfortable.

“Here Appie, shh I’ve got you.” Once again, Logan’s voice took on a sweet comforting edge to it, as he slid the glasses back onto Apathy’s face. Allowing him to see clearly now. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?” The logical side’s eyes darted all over Apathy’s face, watching as the other dryly licked his lips before weakly nodding with an almost pitiful look on his face, that only made Logan’s heartstrings tug even more.

“I’m thirsty Logan,”

If he wasn’t so terrified, Virgil would have laughed at the way that Logan had asked specifically just what Apathy was thirsty for, he would have laughed. Had it not been for the steely ice cold glare, that stopped all them in their tracks.

“Don’t even think about touching him.” Logan sneered, and without another word, he was off to the kitchen.

“Please,” The dry rasp made all of them look over to the couch again, and for a second Roman had assumed that Apathy was calling logan back, except for the fact that Apathy’s...blue eyes were looking at them.

Wait...Apathy doesn’t have blue eyes, they’re black, not blue. Roman mentally noted as he narrowed his eyes a little bit more as Apathy grasped his side, his expression morphing into intense pain as he forced himself to sit up. His expression was dead serious though, and that alone had Roman’s attention, just as it had the other’s.

“Listen to me,” Apathy rasped out, his fingers digging into his bandages that were already stained a deep red. His blue eyes stared into each one of theirs, the color leeching just a little by each second. “This..this is not Logan..at least not your Logan. Do you understand? He’s..he’s been in the subconscious for too long, normal traits don’t just go there and come back unchanged. He’s,”

A cough wracked Apathy’s form, and a shudder rolled through him as the pink started to fade from his skin and the blue was steadily draining from his eyes, leaving more and more black behind. The other watched horrified, looking at the color fade like someone was taking a color eraser to a picture. Leaving grey behind.

“He’s been changed!” Apathy spoke with desperation in his voice, looking downright at his wit's end to get what he needed to say out. “Please, whatever you do, do not believe that this is your Logan, you can get him back. You just have to-”

The blue was gone and faded away, with Apathy once again looked bored with the entire conversation he had been having. As Logan’s footsteps could be heard coming out of the kitchen.

“I got you some lemonade,” Logan said, ignoring the others as he pressed the glass into Apathy’s hands.

Taking the glass from him, Apathy slowly sipped at it, feeling Logan’s fingers carding smoothly through his hair, the static was all but absent in Logan’s presence. As the pink slowly flushed back into his cheeks, and the blue returned. Locking eyes momentarily with the other, he gave the faintest nod. They understood too now.  

Chapter Text

The moment that Apathy’s glass was empty, it was gone, vanished from right out of his hands before Logan turned his scowling look on the others. Patton had inched more and more towards Virgil and Roman, allowing the anxious side to gain a tight grip on him should Logan decide to throw them both around some more.

“You may all leave for the time being. Return to your rooms and remain there until six.” The logical side sternly said, there was going to be a lot of changes coming their way now that he was back and better than ever before. “Everyone...but you.” Turning his gaze slowly, it locked onto Roman as they had all stood up ready to just get the hell out of there before anything else could go wrong. “We have something to discuss in private.” The slight curl of Logan’s lip let Roman know right then and there, that what they were going to talk about wouldn’t be that pleasant.

A shudder of dread slithered down his spine like the winding scales of a snake, and almost immediately Virgil stepped in front of the creative side. He raised his shaking hands, balling them up as he got into a somewhat sad boxing stance. “Y..You’ll have to go through me!” The anxious side barked back at him, his bangs messily flopping in front of his eyes to hide the true horror that was shining there, he was scared, but he’d be damned if he let this..this other version of Logan know it.

A chuckle rattled the living room, the chairs and the pictures on the walls shaking and clattering where they were, Logan looked nothing more than amused at the sight before him as Virgil stood before him, and Patton gripped the prince’s bright red sash tight. As if that could stop him from ripping their little defense apart.

“How cute,” He sneered at them, and raising a hand he watched them flinch, folding his fingers into a flicking motion, before…

A tug on his shirt.

Logan blinked, turning his gaze back to Apathy as the deep blue eyes stared back at him, “Ah..yes.” Logan muttered more or less to himself, as he kneeled down extending his arms to Apathy as he slowly helped the other side up to his feet. “When I come back, I expect you two to be in your rooms.” He glowered at the others, before tucking his arm under Apathy’s easing him up each step of the stairs, it was a slow process but he was committed to making it work for the emotionless side.

Upon finally making it to Apathy’s room and shutting the door with a gentle click, Logan carefully sat the other down on his bed, hesitating for a moment as he gazed around the mostly blank room. His room at least had a few more extra things in it, the glow in the dark stars that Patton had given to him for his birthday, a hatrack to hold the single beanie that Virgil had gifted to him, and...a few other things that Roman had given to him. None of that was in Apathy’s room, nothing except…

“You stopped painting,” He murmured, his voice carrying a tinge of sadness and disappointment with it as he stepped over to the abandoned easel that looked like it hadn’t been touched for months. His fingers ran over the dry as bone canvas, that had a single painting on it. It was perfect, looking just like an actual photograph of a stormy day viewed through a window.

“I..didn’t see the point in it anymore,” Apathy grunted, as he kicked his socks off tucking his legs under his stark white blankets. “Painting is supposed to be about putting your emotions onto a canvas. I can’t do that..there is no zest to my art and so...there’s no point.” The emotionless side shrugged clearly not seeing anything wrong with that, as Logan grimaced his back turned to Apathy. The logical side, ran his hand over his mouth, hiding his distraught state over something as simple as a painting.

“I’m sorry,” Logan whispered, and Apathy raised his head in clear confusion, the blue in his eyes lingering a little bit longer.

“Sorry...about what?” He asked cocking his head to the side as Logan swiftly turned around, approaching the bed, clasping one of Apathy’s hands tight as his shoulders slumped in relief as the color flourished under the other’s skin.

“Apathy,” Logan pursed his lips for a moment, trying to collect the right words for his statement. “Do you ever miss emotions?” He asked watching the confusion filter through the other's eyes, “Do you ever want to feel again, to be able to paint with your emotions. Do you miss...being Empathy?”

The silence stretched between them for a moment, and Apathy slid his hand out of Logan’s grasp as a deep sigh rattled the emotionless side’s body. A shrug, a shrug was all that Logan received, although to be honest, Apathy looked just as uncertain about it as Logan was right in that moment. Honestly, Logan got the feeling that Apathy didn’t know what he wanted, like Apathy didn’t know if he wanted to reinstate the emotions that he had cut off, and return to being someone that had caused him so much pain. Or...if he just wanted to be like this, not feeling or tasting a thing, just going through life as...a ghost of his former self.

“Can I sleep on it?” Came the uncertain reply, and Logan felt his insides melt at the request.

“Of course,” He whispered, leaning over Apathy as he laid down. Pressing a light kiss to his forehead, he watched the other’s eyes close as he drifted off almost immediately. “Sleep Appie, I’ll be here.” He murmured, however, once Apathy’s breathing had evened out, and he was clearly asleep. Logan was gone from the room.

“Go! Go!” Roman hurriedly whispered as soon as he heard Logan’s footsteps lingering outside of Apathy’s door, and the sound of the door gingerly clicking shut. He gave both Virgil and Patton a shove towards the moral side’s bedroom. “He’s coming, and he..he’s not going to ask twice. Just go, I can handle whatever he dishes out on me!” Roman blurted out.

Tears streamed down Patton’s face as he tried to grasp ahold of the creative side’s hand, and Virgil felt himself choking up as he looked back at Roman trying to silently beg him not to do this. “Please…” Virgil softly whispered, reaching up and grabbing the side of Roman’s face, his thumb brushing over the other’s cheek. “Please don’t die.”

“I won’t.” Roman flashed a cocky grin, mere second before a kiss sealed his promise to Virgil.

Patton let out a strangled sob as soon as Virgil tore him away from Roman, desperately trying to cling to Roman and to never let him go as the footsteps got closer and closer, as Logan descended the stairs. When Patton’s bedroom door slammed shut, that was when Roman resigned himself, as he took in a deep breath relaxing as much as one could while going to their doom.

That relaxation didn’t last two seconds, as Logan snapped his fingers.

Roman’s legs snapped together, and his arms became strapped to his sides. Like he was a patient about to be wheeled into a hospital. Even as his muscles struggled against the invisible bonds, nothing happened, he wasn’t able to even move a single hair out of place as Logan deliberately got closer and closer. However, things got even more horrifying for Roman, when Logan opened his hand allowing a long and very familiar dagger to appear landing softly in his hand.

Moving as slowly as a leopard approaching its prey, a slow grin crawled onto Logan’s face as a gleam of cruelty reflected in his eyes. He twirled the blade in between his fingers, slinking slowly around Roman again and again. He could practically feel Roman jerk though, as he allowed the sharp end of the blade to slowly drag over Roman’s stomach, in an almost sensual manner as it ran and bumped over every stitch and line of Roman’s princely attire. He dragged it slowly up the gentle curve of Roman’s side before speaking.

“Roman, Roman, Roman…” Logan tsked the other, and the creative side in question swallowed thickly as he was quite literally shaking in his boots. “I would like to remind you, that if you ever ..and I do mean ever. Lay another finger on Apathy with the intent to hurt him...I will gut you.” Logan sneered, drawing the sharp end of the blade upward catching on a few fibers of his shirt, but otherwise easily tapping it against the other’s chest. “And if he tells you to stop touching him, then fucking stop Princey. We will not have another talk like this, do you understand?” Logan crooned sweetly, the sneer gone almost as fast as it was there, as Logan leaned in close enough so that Roman could see the endless pools of black that had become Logan’s eyes.

“Y..Yes.” Roman breathed out, terror strangling his every word.

“Good,” He whispered, a slight smile curving onto his lips as the end of the blade tapped lightly under Roman’s chin, and for a second, just a split second. Logan’s eyes darted down, as Roman licked his dry lips. But his gaze didn’t linger for too long. “You know Roman,” Logan began, pushing back a stray curl from Roman’s forehead, “You were right about me Roman, I am more apathetic than I am logical.”

Roman’s muscles were burning, it took every ounce of strength he had to continuously keep fighting whatever control that the logical side had over him, but this...this would not be allowed to stand. Logan could think whatever he wanted about him, he could even think that they didn’t love him anymore, in whatever way the subconscious had twitched that though. But Roman wouldn’t allow him to think this, not while he was still standing and breathing. His Logan deserved better than that, better than to have a thought like that rattling around in his head.

“No,” Roman rasped out, garnering Logan’s attention as the logical side cocked his head to the side curiously. “I was wrong about what I said to you Logan. I was wrong...Please, whatever you do..don’t think that those words are right. They..they are a falsehood.”

It took the last shred of his strength to wrench his arm out of Logan’s control, and even more to grasp Logan tight. Burying his face into the other’s shoulder as he hugged him as tightly as he possibly could at that moment. Roman’s tears stained the collar of Logan’s shirt, but even as he felt Logan halfheartedly attempting to pull away, Roman just grasped ahold of his waist even tighter. Keeping him firmly in place.

“Please...I’m sorry..I’m so sorry.” He hoarsely whispered, his body shaking with the pure strength that was being sapped from his very being. “We all love you..I love you...so please come back to us.”

The knife thudded against the carpeted floor with a dull thud.

Chapter Text

“I can’t…”

The tiny broken whisper tore at Roman’s heart like a lion clawing its way through his ribcage, however, as he moved to pull back from Logan. To look him in the eyes and to tell him that everything would be alright, a firm hand kept him place as Logan’s arms wrapped around him, his fingers clenching the fabric of his princely attire. The red sash that was draped over his shoulder was now being bunched up in Logan’s fist. So Roman kept his chin resting lightly on the logical side’s shoulder.

“Why not?” He instead whispered, hoping to whatever he believed in that this wasn’t some trick, and that Logan wasn’t just raising his hopes just to immediately crush them under his heel. However, the shuddering that came from Logan seemed to dash any of those fears.

“Because..because,” For a split second Logan sounded a lot more confused than Roman had ever heard him, and looking over the logical side’s shoulder he caught a good look at Logan’s shadow. What had once been looming and distorting over a good chunk of the living room wall, was now scattered into a thousand dew drops. Almost as if reflecting Logan’s scattered brain. “Because I have to go back.”

Finally pulling away from Roman, Logan’s head jerked just a little as a wave of static roared in his ears, Logan’s hands firmly gripped the creative side’s shoulders. Bunching up the fabric of Roman’s sash as they stood there. “Listen to me Roman,” He hoarsely demanded, “You cannot let me hurt them again, no matter what Roman.” Before the side in question could even ask how to make that possible, Logan’s eyes drifted purposefully over to the forgotten knife that was lying abandoned on the floor. Logan’s fingers seized for a moment, his muscles spasming for a moment.

However, Roman saw none of it as horror blossomed onto his face, “I can’t...kill you, Logan! I..I..” He fumbled with his words, before he extended his arms clasping Logan’s face between his hands. The distortion of black and brown in Logan’s eyes created a pit of uneasiness inside of him. “Logan..Logan please, I can’t kill you!”

“You..” Logan heaved out a breath, sounding like he had just been running for a mile flat. “You don’t have t kill me...you just have to stop me.”

Logan’s shadow was one again, and the room dimmed as it stretched over the wall. The moment of peace broken between them.

His head snapped violently to the side, a stiff crack ringing through Roman’s ears as he watched as Logan straightened himself up, almost like a businessman about to conduct himself. His fingers dug into Roman’s shoulder even tighter now, no longer doing it for Roman’s comfort but instead his pain.

“Foolish creativity, do you really think that some little speech will stop me from teaching you..from teaching all of you a lesson?” Logan sneered, a downright hateful look warping his face as he loomed ominously over Roman. His hand grasped the red sash using it almost as a leash to Roman as he jerked him back, keeping him upright by just that scrap of fabric alone. Roman felt himself teetering, only being held upright by Logan and Logan alone as he instinctively grasped for the other’s wrist.

“I don’t think so…” Roman gasped out, expressing more courage than he honestly felt right then. “I already have.”

For a second, for just a split second. Logan’s face contorted in confusion, his black eyes narrowing suspiciously before Roman hastily slipped out of his sash. Leaving Logan to stumble at the sudden lack of weight on Roman’s end, however, that was almost instantly made up for Roman surged forward locking his arms around Logan squeezing him as hard as earthly possible.

“I know that you’re in there Logan, so stop this! Fight this, you are my friend! I love you! You are the smartest person I know, and you said it yourself. You are the smartest. So think! Fight!” Roman demanded as soon as Logan started to heave and struggle against his grip, glancing over Logan’s shoulder the shadow was starting to pick itself apart once again.

“I..I can’t!” Logan’s head snapped to the side, his frown moving between an ugly snarl and a pained grimace. The pounding in his head was awful, why was he feeling this way? What was going on with him? Why? Why? Why?

I need to go back . The thought that brushed against his mind was Logan’s, and yet it wasn’t his at all. I won’t allow myself to hurt him! This, however, was, as he wrenched himself free of Roman, his chest heaving up and down, and for a moment it felt like he was going to throw up. He felt too hot, was he feverish? What was going on with him?

The fabric of Roman’s red sash gripped tight in his hand felt as light as a feather, even so, it almost seemed to help as he stared back at the creative side. Holding a hand out to stop him as soon as Roman stepped closer to him.

“S..Stop!” He groaned out, clutching the other side of his head as an arch of agony raced through his skull, “Don’t..don’t Roman! Y..If I come back, you know what to do! You stop me understand? No matter the cost!” Yet as Roman just feebly shook his head, Logan stumbled back again, this time bolting for the stairs, he tripped a few times as he heard Roman crying his name out. Begging him to just stop, so that he could help. But all he could do was run right now, he needed to get back. He needed to get back to the subconscious, he needed to get back now!

He stumbled into Apathy’s room like a drunken mess, as the blandness of the room swirling around him dizzily. He rested only for a moment as Apathy sat up in bed, his identical black eyes staring back at Logan, before he eased himself up limping over to Logan’s side. The cold touch on his wrist dragged Logan back, it brought him back to the here and now.

“It’s okay,” Apathy whispered, his fingers curling loosely around his wrist, the color flushed back into his cheeks momentarily. “You can go, I understand Logan. You can go, it’ll be alright.” A heartbroken but equally understanding smile curled on Apathy’s lips, he understood, he understood all too well why Logan had to go back. Even if Logan himself didn’t understand.

The subconscious had a way of twisting those who entered it around them, being away for too long was...not healthy. Anything that could be learned there, or anything that could attach itself to you there, would weaken the longer one was gone from it. The withdraw was insane, and as much as he hated seeing Logan like this. So confused and twisted. He knew, he knew as he had always known.

Logan had to go back, so that he wouldn’t suffer.  

Logan threw his arms around Apathy, resting his forehead on the other’s shoulder as his breathing shuddered with every breath. It took a moment, but eventually, he was able to pick himself back up, and just as he went to draw away, Apathy felt something being pressed back into his palm.

“Just in case..just in case you’ve had enough time to sleep on it.” Logan mumbled, separating himself from Apathy, before making his way to the door. It opened for him, as if welcoming an old friend with open arms, and Logan vanished into the mirror. The door shutting with a soft click.

Staring down in his hand Apathy looked at the little bottle that was no bigger than his thumb, he’d given it to Logan when he’d made his choice all those years ago. He had told Logan to keep it safe, but to keep it away from him. He had, of course, Logan had. He had cared when Apathy had been unable to, and now...now he didn’t know what to do.

Yet it was a decision that would have to wait, as soon as he heard the loud thumping footsteps of three different people practically galloping up the stairs like a herd of horses.

Roman had stood there frozen in an entire mixture of feelings as Logan had fled before him, it was clear to him that Logan was doing his best to fight it. To fight whatever was wrong with him, but… “The hardest fights shouldn’t be fought alone,” Roman muttered, acutely aware of the fact that this same advice was some that Logan had given to him many times, if Logan was in trouble and Logan was having trouble fighting...then he shouldn’t be doing it alone.

“Roman! Roman what happened?! We hard you shouting and-” Patton stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Roman, he looked fine as always aside from his missing sash and the..the knife on the floor. Within a second flat, he was at Roman’s side with Virgil nervously following behind him, keeping an eye out presumably for Logan. Should he decide to attack again. Patton ran his fingers all over Roman’s face checking for the tiniest of scratches.

“Roman,” It was Virgil that spoke up as he eyed the knife warily. “What happened?”

And just like that the dam burst, “He..I talked to Logan! Not the one who replaced him, but our Logan! He..He needs help. He….asked me to stop him if he ever tried to hurt you guys again. He wants me to..to…” Roman’s eyes trailed down to the knife and the horrified looks he got in return only solidified his own resolve to never use it.

Patton sniffled brushing away any tears that would have welled up in his eyes, before they could even fall. Even so, he held a firm expression on his face. “Well if our Logan needs us...then we should help him.” There was no other way about it, when Apathy had told him that this Logan..the Logan who had thrown them around and silenced Patton, wasn’t their Logan. He’d felt such a mixture of guilt and relief, but now..now there was just resolve.

He’d messed up once when it came to Logan, but not this time.

By the time they had made it Apathy’s room, ignoring the way that the blue paint of Logan’s old door had chipped and peeled off revealing Apathy’s bland white door. Logan was already gone, leaving Apathy there to just stand there in the middle of the room, holding something in his hand before pocketing it.

“You are too late,” Came Apathy’s uncaring and unresolved voice, his eyes passed over them almost as if they were strangers and nothing more. “He has already gone back to the subconscious.”

Despite this and the nearly crushing disappointment that he felt, Roman still stepped forward, “Then where is the subconscious? I’ll go there myself if I have to bring him back here? Where is it?” He demanded, his fists and pretty much every part of his body was shaking and trembling with a combination of nerves as well as fear. Fear for Logan, fear of what could happen to him now.

When Apathy’s eyes trailed over to the door, a door presumably to the subconscious Roman wasted no time at all before he was marching forward. If he had to he’d rip the door off its hinges to get to Logan, and judging by the look on Patton’s as well as Virgil’s face, he wasn’t the only one. The only problem though, was when Apathy extended his arm, blocking Roman from going another step towards it.

“Not now Creativity...not now.” Apathy began, just for Patton to almost immediately pipe up, interrupting him.

“Why not? If the entrance to this...subconscious is here, then why not go in and get Logan again? He’s there, all we need to do is-” Apathy’s hand rested on Roman’s chest giving him a firm shove backwards as Apathy firmly placed himself in the path of the door, one hand was gripping his side as the bandages became wet with his blood, while the other arm was stretched out stopping them from getting past him. Patton felt his words die on his lips.

“You..You don’t just go to the subconscious and come out unchanged. You going there, any of you going there is a risk that I cannot allow….Patton.” Apathy grimaced to himself as he allowed Patton’s name to slip out of him, but even so, he wasn’t done. “ He would not want that, and..and neither do I.” Apathy’s eyes looked like a kaleidoscope of colors, namely blue and black mixing together in one confusing concoction. He remained in front of the door, even as Patton felt his chest tightening with warm and an emotion that he couldn’t exactly focus on now.

“Then we need a plan, a good plan that involves Logan coming to us again without us going to… whatever that place is.” Virgil suggested, as the anxious side attempted to cool things down as he slipped his hand into Roman’s, giving it a gentle squeeze he got a slight nod in response before Apathy hesitantly nodded along with them.

He inched away from the door, and their planning began.

Chapter Text

When Logan blinked he was back in the place he had spent what must have been a week in, the endless aisles of books, the desk that was crammed next to one of the endless pillars of information that just went up and up, to a height so far away that he couldn’t even see the top of it. His stuff was still there too, his coffee cup that he had summoned and that constantly refilled itself when he needed it, his pencils and charts, everything that he had ever learned that was written down, and his desk lamp. He didn’t need his pajamas, considering that he didn’t need sleep there, he was fine without sleep, he was just a figment so sleep just wasn’t necessary to him. No matter what the electronic impulses in his brain said.

He didn’t need sleep.

Nevertheless, when he blinked his eyes he found his back pressed against the door of the subconscious. He was standing up, and the muscles in his legs ached while his lungs burned. Had he been running? What was he doing here? Had he been doing something? “I…” Logan’s lips pulled into a frown as he blinked a few times, trying to recall just what had happened just a few seconds ago. “I was working..studying..” He muttered, scratching the side of his head as just the faintest prickling of a crackle made him look up for a moment.

He had been working that was right, there was so much knowledge in here, and he had been studying that knowledge when...when…

I must have fallen asleep. I shouldn’t let stupid impulses get to me, I am logic. Logic doesn’t need to sleep.

Logan found himself nodding along to that thought, yes he was logic, and as such sleep was a useless concept. He had probably slept walked someplace, and he had just woken up at the door because he missed Apathy so much. Yes, that was most certainly it! “I wonder how he is doing now...I hope that the others aren’t being too harsh with him. Maybe I should…” Turning around Logan felt his hand, or rather his entire body freezing as he had been reaching out to push open the door, to step out and to see how Apathy was fairing in with the others. He hadn’t seen him since he had checked in the other day, and surely something had happened by then.

Right?

I should get back to work, Apathy is fine. Nothing is wrong, everything is fine. So I should get back to work and not bother him any more than I have been. This entire thing with me has probably annoyed him, I don’t want him to get fed up with me. Do I? He’s the only friend I have, I wouldn’t want him to leave because I was too annoying. Would I?

Logan felt his shoulders slumping at the thought that clung to his brain like the syrup on pancakes, he should really get back to work. Apathy...Apathy was probably busy doing other stuff, and he didn’t need Logan to bother him with unimportant things. The others already thought that he talked too much, but if he..if Apathy thought that of him. Then Logan wasn’t sure what he would do, in a way...Apathy felt like his only friend. Even if the logical side was a little annoying sometimes.

He needed to work, that’s all there was now. Just work, nothing else.

Logan took the first step away from the door, his entire body slouching as he went to make his way back to his desk. “I’m so…tired...” A yawn interrupted his words as he stepped farther and farther away from the door, giving himself a firm shake of his head. No, he wasn’t tired, he was fine. Everything was fine. As long as he told himself that, then he could believe it.

He stepped forward again, this time reaching out to grab one of the books that must have fallen off of the shelf. The atmosphere felt so nice in the subconscious, it was quiet, just like an actual library that he had once transformed his room into. Up until he had needed sleep that was, it was perfect for him. No noise, no problems, and nothing to worry about.

It’s so nice here, why would I even want to leave?

A sleepy smile curled onto Logan’s face as he bobbed his head in a happy little nod, he was happy here...wasn’t he?

Setting the book back up onto his desk, Logan straightened himself back up. There was still so much to explore, making his way towards the endless aisles of books and knowledge Logan felt something snag and his body jerked forward nearly toppling him over in the process. His hip slammed against one of the ancient looking oak bookshelves, and somehow even the pain felt dulled here. That was until he saw what had snagged on one of the end corners of the shelf he had been walking past.

Bright red.

“Oh, it’s Roman’s sash!” Logan brightly told himself, smiling down at the smooth fabric that he just now noticed was clenched into his hand. Bringing it up closer to his face, the brightness of the color finally seemed to seep in. It was Roman’s..it was his sash… why..why did he have Roman’s sash with him? He hadn’t left the subconscious, had he? He was sure that he hadn’t, unless…

“Roman?” Logan hesitantly called out, not even sure as to how the creative side could have gotten in here, hell he wasn’t even certain why the thought of it scared him so much. He struggled back up to his feet, grasping the sash even tighter. “Roman! Roman if you’re in here please answer me! ROMAN!” Logan now screamed the words out, limping now as he rushed down the isles, fear clung to his heart, allowing him to brush off the underlying thoughts of just going back. Of just going back to work and finding ways to be stronger. “ROMAN PLEASE!”

Logan’s voice cracked, as his chest heaved and shuddered, Roman couldn’t be in here. He couldn’t! Hugging the silken fabric close for a second, Logan inhaled deeply. In and out. In and out. In….and out. The smell of parchment, ink, and Roman’s rose shampoo eased his nerves.

Everything would be alright. Everything would be fine.

“Maybe..maybe he isn’t here...maybe…” However, even now he was having trouble coming up with a reason as to why he had Roman’s sash of all things. Roman loved his sash thing, no matter what role he took on, he almost always had it on in a way. Be it a tie, a belt, or anything else. Roman always had it, so...how?

Maybe I should just forget it, it’s not that important, right? I should just-

Logan stubbornly shook the troublesome thoughts away, Roman was important..Roman was definitely important. No, he wouldn’t get back to work until...until, what?

“What was I doing?” Logan asked himself, blinking a few times as he looked around at his surroundings. His lungs hurt, and his eyes were stinging. He was standing in one of the isles of books...books! That’s right books.

“Work.” He happily hummed, but even so, something didn’t exactly seem right to him.

Raising his hand up to grasp one of the books on the top shelf, Logan felt his muscles freezing in place as soon as he saw it, the red...red!

“No,” He whispered to himself, physically wrenching himself back from the shelf of books that had captivated him before, “No more work! No more books!” He snarled to himself, shaking his head so much that his hair flopped out of its pristine shape. The fabric of the sash was burning in his hand, but even so, Logan gripped it tighter as he drew it over his shoulders. It didn’t go well with the blue of his tie, but he could care less about that. It felt foreign on his shoulders, and that too was something that he didn’t care about.

Not as he turned towards the entrance of the subconscious, marching towards it with each determined step. He’d get his stuff, and he’d leave. He wanted to leave..no needed to leave this place. Something was wrong with him..something not right.

“I have to go.” Logan coached himself with every little step, he had to and he was going to.

The closer and closer he got the more difficult it became to shake off the thoughts of knowledge and all of the books that were just waiting for him to read them. How he could stay and learn it all, how Apathy could take care of himself, how the others were fine without him.

“I’m leaving!” Logan snarled again, the sound of his voice echoing into the depths of the subconscious, he didn’t need to stay.

Apathy is probably f-

A sharp gut-wrenching and blood-curdling scream rang out through the mindscape, a scream so loud that it rattled the books along the shelves and made a few of the picture frames fall flat. A scream that gripped Logan’s soul, and shattered what little illusion remained.

“Apep!” He didn’t look back as he wrenched the door open, he didn’t look back as darkness consumed the subconscious where he had previously been staying. Swallowing it up whole, and leaving not a single thing left.

He didn’t need it anymore, but he did need them.

Chapter Text

“I appreciate the fact that you do actually seem genuinely upset for what you have to do.” Apathy said to Patton, it hadn’t taken ten minutes to come up with a plan, but rather much longer to decide who exactly should do what.

While touching Apathy and causing him an excruciating amount of pain was something that none of them honestly wanted to do, Patton quite surprisingly had volunteered, considering that he was the one who had managed to hold onto the emotionless side for the longest out of all of them. Of course, there were other things too that needed to be solved, which was why they were inside of Virgil’s room, at least for as long as Patton and Roman could stand to be in it. The room had an almost immediate effect on them, while the stress and anxiety just seemed to roll off Apathy without a single problem. Unlike them, he was actually fine.

“Of course I feel bad Apophis, I..I didn’t know that it hurt you at first. I didn’t know that something as simple as a hug would hurt so badly.” Patton confessed as they both sat on the spider web covered couch, their shoulders brushing together in such a way that the effects of Virgil’s room didn’t seem nearly as bad as before. “I should have listened when you said stop, and I didn’t. For that I am sorry, I’m sorry for not listen and..and for what happened after that.” The moral side’s eyes trailed down to the other’s bandage covered side, and Apathy shifted on the couch so that the bandages were once again hidden from sight.

“It’s...do not concern yourself with it Mor..Patton.” Once again Apathy gave the tiniest grimace as he straightened himself up, “I reacted poorly as well, as long as we both acknowledge that, then we should move on from the mistake and learn.” A sappy little smile curled onto Patton's face as he bobbed his head happily, the faintest traces of happy tears welling up in his eyes, before he hastily brushed them away.

“Yeah...yeah.” He murmured, leaning his shoulder just a little bit more against Apathy’s feeling the air of anxiety flowing away from him the closer he stayed to the other.

The both of them were silent for a while longer, staring ahead as Roman and Virgil were talking in the middle of the room. Roman obvious getting more and more stressed out by his role in the plan, as he gestured wildly to the tool that Virgil had in his hands. His lips were tugged down into a frown.

“I don’t know if I can do this Virge. I told him not even a few hours ago that I loved, and now I’m going to hit him with a baseball bat. What kind of message does that get across to him?” Roman frantically stated, wringing his wrists as he feverishly paced back and forth through the dark cobweb covered room. Back and forth. Back and forth. Up until the moment that Virgil stopped him, his hand bracing against the princely side’s shoulder to stop him dead.

“Well I haven’t told him yet, so I do it.” Virgil cracked a grin, attempting to ease Roman somewhat by his promise, they had both worked some things out in the hours that Logan had been gone, the both of them coming to some very firm conclusions.

“You’re alright with that?” Roman muttered, letting his own hand rest atop the one that had lightly been placed on his shoulder, the nod that he got from Virgil was all that needed and wanted. As he finally allowed his shoulders to slump in relief, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t willingly hurt Logan again, not after his words, just words alone, had struck stuck a deep chord with Logan and had hurt him so much.

He would never have been able to do it, not again, they all knew that.

Patton watched them stand together, with Virgil resting the bat against the wall before he pulled Roman in for a hug. Glancing over to Apathy, he saw the other watching the interaction as well, although with a much more bland and almost bored look on his face. He didn’t seem interested in what they were doing, especially as he glanced away the moment that Roman’s and Virgil’s lips brushed against one another. His eyes met Patton’s, and he was looking away again. Very uncomfortable then.

“If I may ask Apophis…” Patton hesitated for a moment, drumming his fingers on his knees as they continued to sit together. “When we ran into the room, I saw..a..you putting something into your pocket. If I’m not asking too many questions, what was it?” The very moment that Apathy stiffened Patton knew that he had touched some kind of raw nerve under Apathy’s steel exterior, and he nearly took it back, ready to tell the other that he didn’t have to answer if he didn’t want to.

Until Apathy took in a steady breath, “It is a bottle, it contains who I used to be in the mindscape,” Moving one hand into his pocket he pulled out the dreadfully tiny bottle that was secured with a thin silver chain around it, “It holds...my emotions.” He confessed, and Patton felt himself inhaling sharply at it. Emotions and Apathy of all things, he had never once stopped to considering it, although it did make sense considering that the other had never let on about it. As it was clearly a secret. “I used to be…” Apathy’s lips turned down into a deep-set frown his other hand gripping his pale ripped jeans tight as his shoulders stiffened and locked into place. “I was once Empathy.”

With the whisper, out came the truth that he had kept buried for so very long, and Patton felt his mouth drop open for a second. Before he instantly shut it with a soft snap, merely letting Apathy continue before he ruined their little moment.

“I used to feel things, I remember that I used to feel things. But..but I stopped, because…” Despite not feeling a single shred of emotion at that moment Apathy felt his mouth get drier and drier as he went to carry on. Just to immediately jerk in surprise as Patton’s hand tenderly squeezed his knee, the look on the moral side’s face telling him to continue when, and only when he felt ready. Although truthfully he didn’t think that he would ever feel ready. “I opened myself up to someone..someone who wasn’t Logan so many years ago when Thomas was younger, and I got hurt.” He softly confessed, “I got hurt, and so I decided to stop when I could no longer handle the pain. But..but even now, I still can’t handle pain, so what is even the point?”

Pain clawed at Patton’s heart like a savage beast, even if Apathy spoke the words in the way that a fourth grader was reciting an essay in front of the entire class, he of all people knew that it didn’t mean such a thing hadn’t hurt. He knew that pain, he knew it so damn well, and it hurt to know that he wasn’t the only one. Patton never wanted anyone to feel heartbreak such as he had, he never wanted someone else to feel as if their chest was caving in and they could no longer breathe properly.

He wished that no one in his family would ever feel that, but... Apathy had. And Apathy, although somewhat distantly, did know that pain, even if he cut himself off from it.

“Maybe,” Patton's voice began in a soft whisper, as his eyes trailed up to meet Apathy’s. “It means that you’re ready. You’ve suffered and you’ve learned from that suffering...maybe..maybe that is the point.”

Glancing over to Virgil and Roman, he got a single nod in confirmation. So, fixing a smile back onto his face, Patton jerked his head in the direction of the other two as he stood up brushing away the cobwebs that clung to him as both Virgil and Roman got into position. Standing in the middle of the room, Patton raised his hand sending Apathy one last genuinely sorry look.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured.

His hands grasped at Apathy’s face, and it took no time at all for the screaming to start, the blood-curdling screams to ring through the room and to echo throughout the entire mindscape.

It was awful truth be told, as Patton felt the icy sensation crawling its way up his arms, as the shrill unfiltered screams of pure agony rang in his ears. A sound that would stay with him forever, Apathy’s face twisted anguish the longer that Patton held on. Yet despite the absolute torture of fire flaying against his skin, and the sensation of ants biting and gnawing at his underlying muscles.

Apathy held tight to Patton, refusing to let the other release him. No matter what, he had told them before. No matter what happened they would not stop for anything.

Low and behold, the sound of hastening footsteps thundered down the hall.

Chapter Text

The moment that Logan stepped away from the subconsciousness, it felt like someone had drilled a red-hot icepick into his brain and started stirring around the insides for fun. His first few steps away from the door had him stumbling and very nearly falling to his knees as he gripped the side of his head, his teeth ground together as searing hot pain radiated from his temples.

It hurt worse than anything he could have ever imagined, it took everything in him not howl at the pure agony he was going through and collapse uselessly onto the floor.

As the pain arched through his head, a warm dribble of blood dripped down his nose, splattering against his dark blue tie as he seized the edge of the Apathy’s bed. Gripping the stark white comforter so tight that his knuckles turned white, as he heaved himself back up to his feet. Logan dragged the back of his hand over his nose, roughly wiping away the thin line of blood that trailed down and over his lips.

“I..I’m coming..I’m coming Apathy.” He gasped out, his very voice rasping with the words as if he hadn’t properly talked in months, but as another agonizing scream rang out Logan shook his head. Powering through the sensation of someone taking a jackhammer to his face, he surged forward one hand pressed to the side of his head while he navigated the terrain that he was traveling through.

Where..where we’re the screams coming from? Where…

Logan’s head jerked up as another awful set of screams started from the down the hall. They were getting worse. Another searing pain scraped at the inside of his skull.

“Virgil!” He hissed darkly, his fist clenching up so hard that his nails dug into the palm of his hand, leaving behind little crescent-shaped marks in their wake. He didn’t wait a moment longer, as he pressed forward.

What he expected, however, was not even close to what he got.

“You!” Snarled as soon as he had slammed the door open, Logan’s expression contorted in a set of pure rage as he saw the sight before him. Apathy screaming his head off, in clear pain, as Patton..as Morality continued to tightly grasp Apathy’s face, not letting him go for a single second. A raw unfiltered kind of fury washed over Logan, the kind of anger that made one see red and nothing else as he charged forward. The pain of his splitting headache all but forgotten in the wake of what Patton was doing to his friend.

“How dare you…” Logan snarled, his hand grasping the front of Patton’s shirt, lifting him a few good inches off of the ground. When,

“Now! Do it now!” Patton squeaked out, releasing Apathy almost immediately, and before Logan could even turn to see just who he was shouting too, a blinding pain struck the back of his head.

And then there was peace.

“Adequate swinging Anxiety.” Apathy rasped out, his muscles feeling like that of jello as soon as Patton had thankfully released him from his hell inducing grasp, he stumbled for a moment, only held up by the fact that his knees had locked in place and Patton had grasped the back of his shirt preventing him from falling face first onto Logan’s unconscious body.  

Virgil however grimly nodded at the thanks, a rough sigh left him as he leaned down brushing a lock of Logan’s messy hair out of his face. The smear of blood coming from Logan’s nose made him grimace for a second, “Oh Lo,” He murmured, looking as regretful as he could while still holding the bat. His lips pressed into a thin frown as he hung his head, all wasn’t lost yet, they still had a chance. So holding the bat out for Roman to take so that he could heave Logan up onto his couch, Virgil waited.

Yet Roman didn’t take the bat.

“He..He’s wearing my sash.” Roman stammered out, swallowing drying as he stared down at the bright redness against the darkness of Logan’s shirt and tie, the dark eyeshadow was caked on underneath Roman’s eyes. “He’s wearing my sash, Virge..Virge what if we knocked out Logan.” He rambled slowly raising his hands to tug at the strands of his hair, “Not the asshole Logan but OUR Logan, we knocked him out! We..We..” Roman’s breathing shuddered, his chest heaving up and down as Virgil spun around to look at him, his room was getting to the princely side.

“Get him out of here! All of you get out now! I’ll deal with Logan, just leave before this gets any worse for you all.” Virgil barked out the order, feeling a gnawing sensation of guilt at the sight of the red sash that Logan had so carefully put around his shoulders. Just like how Roman wore it.

Roman shook his head, again and again, he didn’t want to leave. Not if Virgil was going to talk to Logan, he still needed to apologize further, he needed to see if Logan was back to normal, if anything would be like the way that it was before. If..If Logan remembered what he had said to him...

Yet, Patton’s surprisingly iron tight grasp clamped down on his wrist, dragging him out of the room. Leaving Virgil completely alone.

It took at least another hour for Logan to wake up, and when he groggily opened his eyes. The darkness of Virgi’s room even too bright for him at that moment, Logan had to squint before blinking a few times. The sight of cobwebs, cartoon spiders on curtains, and The Nightmare Before Christmas was all very familiar, turning his head he couldn’t help but to let out a groan as the smell of warm tea finally reached his nose. He was laying down..on Virgil’s couch. Moving his arms proved to be largely useless too, let alone even attempting to sit up and take more of his surroundings in.  The sensation of rope rubbing against his bare arms stopped him from so much as wiggling in the wrong direction.

Throwing his head back he glanced around, the velvety softness against his cheek told him that whoever had done the knocking out, had at least enough graciousness to put a feather soft pillow under his head and a weighted blanket on top of him.

“How do you feel?” Speak of the devil.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Virgil played with his cup that he had filled and refilled full of his tea in the hour that Logan had been out. Usually, it helped to relax him, now..now he wasn’t so sure. His cup was once again empty, but he made no effort to refill it as he looked back at Logan, as the logical side blearily turned his head to look at him.

“Like shit.” Logan sourly muttered, his eyes somewhat glazed as he rolled his head back to look at the anxious side upon hearing Virgil’s warm voice, the other just sat there for a moment. As they looked back at each other, Logan offering a tired if not exhausted smile in the other’s direction, as the anxious side just stared back at him with an open and...mournful gaze?

Virgil just stared back at him for a moment, trying his best to remain firm and strong as Roman would have in this moment. Like Roman had when facing down Logan when he had been furious at the creative side, he tried to be like that..strong, and yet. All it took was a single tear, a single tear before they all started pouring out, as he crawled over to Logan’s side. Grasping and clinging to the bright red sash, he pressed his cheek against the cool leather of his couch as his eyes started to fill with more tears.

“I’m sorry Logan. I’m so so sorry.” Virgil burst out, finally spilling the words he had wanted to say since the very moment that Apathy had shown up, letting them all know that nothing would never be the same again. His head somehow found Logan’s shoulder, and he felt the other attempting to move. A gesture he hoped that was meant to comfort, as the tears soaked the shoulder of Logan’s shirt, “I was a bad friend, I..I laughed when..when I should have stuck up for you. When..you needed me, all I did was hurt you!”

Logan was completely still now, there wasn’t a single word that was coming from the logical side now, his breathing was the only thing that told Virgil he hadn’t fallen unconscious again. There was just a stillness about Logan now, “I was a bad friend...I let it all happen.” He sniffled, feeling the eyeshadow running down his cheeks in messy currents, before he even attempted to glance and look up at Logan’s expression.

“I know,” Logan whispered, the words as soft and sweet as a lover’s caress, as his dark and stormy eyes stared into Virgil’s. “I know.” He murmured again, as Virgil’s grip loosened on the sash and a smile curling onto the logical side’s lips.

Just about as warm as a summer’s day and as refreshing as a drink of water in a burning hot day. A sense of relief washed over the anxious side, as he dragged his sleeve under one of his eyes, only further smearing the eyeshadow that had at one point been perfect. He sent a startled little smile back to Logan, maybe everything would be alright, maybe everything could go back to being somewhat the way it was before.

Logan’s fist clenched, his knuckles turning white as his dark gaze bore into Virgil’s.

“You let it happen.”

Chapter Text

The fear that welled up in Virgil’s throat was absolutely suffocating as he felt the material of his shirt dragging him forward as Logan attempted to sit up even as he was tied up. The moment that Logan seemingly got comfortable, he brought his face in close to Virgil’s. His dark nearly black eyes staring into anxious side’s own brown eyes, the logical side’s upper lip curled in contempt.

“Did you honestly think that I had forgotten? That a simple apology could make up for how much you and everyone else have messed up?” Logan sneered again, his knuckles turning white with how tightly he was clenching his fist. Virgil attempted to struggle away, but whatever Logan was doing held tight to the front of his shirt refusing to let up even for a single second. “How many times Virgil? How many times have you messed up? How many times have you insulted us and-”

Everything else that Logan was saying slowly drained away from Virgil’s senses, he didn’t know what it was that had stuck out to him, but something had made him completely stop as he looked at Logan’s furious expression in a completely and totally new light.

“Us?” He asked, completely interrupted Logan, watching the other blink in confusion before his expression morphed into a momentary panic he felt that dawning sense of realization mixed with a tinge of relief growing like a seedling inside of his chest.

“I sad me.” Logan snapped, although not even that could hide the panic that had shined in his eyes in that split second, Virgil had caught him, he had caught him slipping up in such a way that meant something important.

“No…” Virgil trailed off, his eyes searching Logan’s face, if he could even call the other that. He should have seen it before. The dark eyes, and everything else that came with it. “No, you said us.” Logan’s eyes darted almost frantically back and forth, and in that one moment Virgil saw his chance and seized it as the invisible grasp on his shirt loosened. Violently jerking himself back, he heard a loud rip as the collar of his shirt tore down the side. But he wasted no time on mourning the shirt that was easily replaceable, as he sank out before Logan could so much as think about getting another grasp on him again.

Rising up he felt a lightheaded sensation grip him as he appeared in the living room, where Roman sat on the couch resting his head on Patton’s shoulder as the moral side soothingly rubbed his back. Virgil tore into the living room, holding his hands up as Patton’s and Roman’s head snapped up to look at him.

Roman’s eyes locked onto his torn shirt, and soon enough that familiar rage started to bubble inside of the creative side’s eyes, “It’s not Logan!” He blurted out, before any of them could even get a word out about what had happened to him, “I thought that it was Logan, but..but he started monologuing about how shittily we treated him. And..and he said us, he referred to himself as if he was more than one, and…” Before he knew it he had started blathering about everything, just letting the events of the past few minutes fall out like word vomit.

At least until…

“ Stop .” Apathy’s firm voice stopped Virgil dead, the emotionless side’s eyes were wide. Wider than he had ever seen them get in the short time that he had known the other. For someone without a lot of emotion, Apathy certainly looked shocked, as his eyes darted over to the stairs, and without another word he bolted.

The followed after him as Apathy went up the stairs two at a time, every movement screamed impatience, and the thin line that his lips had pressed into screamed a rare kind of fear that Apathy wasn’t used to feeling.

“Apophis! Hey stop, stop! What’s going on?!” Patton demanded, for once a serious and rather upset frown pulling at his lips as soon as they had seen Apathy stop, of course, that was only after Apathy had wrenched his door open darting inside. Patton hesitated to touch the other, but Roman had no such issues as he tugged the other side back by his shirt turning Apathy around so that he would face them rather than the closed door next to his bathroom. The door that he had firmly stood in front of in order to stop them from going in, the door to the subconscious.

“It…” Apathy swallowed, briefly closing his eyes as he composed himself. When he opened his eyes again, a blank emotionless slate was left in its place, as he expressed nothing. “It isn’t that there are two Logan’s,” He began, twisting and pulling at the hem of his old shirt. “It’s that Logan left something behind.” Without even another word to clarify Apathy turned away once again, this time reaching for the door, his expression was firm and serious, like a man about to go off to battle.

Just to pause as soon as he felt a more gentle tug on the back of his shirt, making him peer back over his shoulder. Patton looked back at him, his eyebrows furrowed together worriedly as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

“What about you?” For a split second Apathy felt his expression soften at the soft words that were whispered by the moral side, “You said going into there would change us...so what about you?”

The aloof frown that had been on Apathy’s face, softened, but just for a second as his lips momentarily lifted into a dry almost witty smile. “As if my own room would hurt me.”

Opening the pure white door that blended in with his wall, Apathy stepped into his room for the first time in a long while. Walking through the mirror felt like taking the first breath after a lifetime of holding it. It felt like shedding a pair of work clothes for a set of something much more comfortable, or like...getting out of a hot steamy shower after a full day of work.

It felt like...going home.

Exhaling deeply as the muscles in his shoulders loosened up, Apathy dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out the bottle that held him in it. The original him, the one who had cared too much and the him that had suffered for it. The one...who he had cut off from himself, just as Logan had unknowingly done.

If what he thought was really correct, if Logan had left something in here, left his emotions. His kindness, his worry, and his sadness. Then he couldn’t be Apathy, not if he even wanted a single chance to bring Logan back. Rolling the bottle around in the palms of his hand, Apathy stared at the pure blackness that was trapped inside of the bottle. He stared at it more than he really should have in that moment, was he worth it? Was Logan worth feeling everything all over again?

Yes.

“He’s always been worth it.” Apathy murmured to himself, and without giving himself a chance to talk himself out of it, he pried the cork off the top of the bottle.

The full brute strength of everything hit him in the chest like a sledgehammer.

His knees swayed back and forth, as Apa..Empathy pressed his hand to his face, a shuddering sob falling from his lips for the first time in so many years. His knees hit the carpeted floor with a dull thud, and his hands covered his face as the tears streamed down.

“Too..many..too many…” He whimpered out, hunching his body as he curled into himself, there was just too much. Too much that he had kept bottled over the years, and too much that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel. Each sob felt like a dagger through his chest, and every inhale felt like he was coughing up salt water as his throat burned like nothing before. “Hurts..hurts..hurts…” He painfully moaned out, his fingers clawing at the carpet, he dug his fingers into it before he slammed his fist against it.

This was pain, this was real pain. As long as he could deal with this pain, then he could deal with anything.

His fist slammed against the floor again and again, even as his knuckles ached and they’ more than likely become bruised in the next few days. The spikes of pain helped in an odd way. Empathy felt his chest loosening, that iron grip of emotions fading away as he pressed his forehead into the carpet, feeling the burn that it gave him.

He could deal with this, he had to deal with this. He had more important issues, Logan needed him.

Logan. Logan. Logan. Logan!

Heaving out a ragged breath, Empathy’s legs wobbled as he tried to stand again, they felt like jello, and standing himself fully up took a good few minutes. As he braced himself against his desk, taking in another breath Empathy counted to ten. Holding it for a moment, before finally letting it all out.

“Logan.” He sternly reminded him, wiping away the remains of his tears, in an effort to press forward, Logan was all that mattered now.

The first step nearly had him on his knees again, but in no time at all, he shakily set off for the endless aisles of books that he had created. To anyone who wasn’t supposed to be in his room, the aisles looked endless, but Empathy knew them like the back of his hand.

He knew them as well as his… wait.

“What..what was my name?” He came to stop for a moment, gripping one of the bookshelves as he narrowed his eyes, he knew that he had one. He wasn’t just Empathy, he was someone else too. He couldn’t go by Apophis anymore, Apep still sounded nice, but it wasn’t quite right. It didn’t fit. “Later!” He scolded himself, firmly shaking his head before he pressed onwards again.

He searched and searched, his eyes grazing the spines of the books as if they were a map that would lead him to exactly where he needed to go. They were, and as such he kept going. He was getting close, he just had to have been.

“Roman,” Empathy perked up at the mournful sounding voice that drifted through the corridor of books, “Roman...Apep..Virgil..Patton..” Logan’s voice mumbled again, and yet it was as clear as day for Empathy, a relieved smile blossoming on his face as he jogged forward, before he ended up sprinting towards the source of the voice.

When he saw him though, Empathy stopped dead in his tracks, horror filling the void of hope.

“Lo…” The bare whisper left his lips as he stared forward at the ghostly looking form of the logical side.

Dried tears had made a trail down Logan’s almost see-through face, as one hand grasped the sash that was wound around his shoulders and across his chest. While his other hand rubbed at his face, attempting to clear away the tears that were no longer falling.

“I have to find a way out...Roman..Apep..Virgil..Patton.. I have to find a way out.” Their names were practically on repeat for Logan, as the logical side wandered forward, his shoulders hunched like the figure of a terrified child who was lost and had no way of knowing where they were going.

How long had Logan been like this? How long until...until he fully faded?

The thought terrified Empathy as he stepped forward, reaching his hand out to tap Logan’s shoulders. His fingers went right through, and that terror only grew inside of him.

“Logan,” He calmly stated, definitely loud enough for the other to hear, and watching the other whirl around a look of surprise on the other’s face as a tiny prickle of relief tugged at his heart. Logan was still there enough to respond to his name, that was a good thing at least. Logan was still with him. “Logan, it’s time to go home.” Reaching out once again, he held his hand out for the logical side to take.

Logan’s eyes darted up and down from Empathy’s face and down to his hand, a look of hesitation crossed his eyes. “Apep? No..no you aren’t Apep…” The deep brown eyes locked onto Empathy’s blue ones, studying him, scrutinizing him. All before a look of recognition lit up Logan’s ghostly face. “Emmie!” He gasped, his form getting just a tad bit more solid, a trail of tears washed down Logan’s face again.

Without even a second of hesitation, after the connection had been made, Logan practically threw himself at Empathy, his arms locking around the other’s neck. And just like that Logan was gone, a tiny cracked bottle in his place hanging around Empathy’s neck and resting at the base of his throat.

A tiny broken bottle, holding a tiny bent and ruined feather inside.

Chapter Text

When Empathy stepped out of the mirror, Patton wasn’t exactly sure what had happened, or even what he had expected to happen. Although it was very clear that something had changed, just the way that the other side carried himself was different than how Apathy had walked with his shoulders hunched and his posture downright awful.

The first thing he noticed was the makeup though, the bright blue eyeliner on Empathy’s waterline was straighter than all of them combined, although he still had the darkest circles under his eyes that Patton had ever seen, next to Virgil of course. His washed out shirt was even different, as the grey was now a lovely contrast of soft steely blue with a lighter shade of grey, and his ripped jeans were a solid black instead of a faded blue, as he stepped forward.

He looked different, and yet...just as elegant as before.

“Who are you?” Virgil cautiously asked, feeling himself tensing up around this newer version of Apathy, he stepped protectively in front of Patton and Roman. His fists balled up, already ready to come to blows if he proved himself untrustworthy. Every muscle in his body was ready.

Yet, Empathy smiled warmly at the three of them, his fingers fiddling with the tiny bottle that held the blue feather inside of it. “I am Empathy of course,” He began pressing his fingertips to his chest as he formally introduced himself. “The last person you need right now is Apathy, so I am here, and I am going to help.” Empathy smile turned a little crooked the longer that he looked at them, before he tilted his head to the side giving a brief gesture towards the door.

Before he all but brushed past the other sides, not saying a word more to them.

Empathy calmly walked down the stairs, his very footsteps not making a single sound as he descended downward, the wry smile on his face stayed with him. Even as the other obvious watched him with hawk-like eyes until the moment that he got to Virgil’s bedroom door.

Empathy stood there for a moment, his grin slowly sliding off of his face until nothing more than a grim seriousness took hold of his expression. Taking a short breath, Empathy shut himself off, off to every emotion that would be trying to get to the surface upon seeing this Logan. Every emotion that would scream at him to not do what must be done, he shut it all down, until there was only a firm resolution left. The resolution to do the right thing, even if this Logan hated him for it.

“Stay.” It was just a single word, a single order that the three, for some unknown reason felt almost compelled to follow. Like their limbs were sewn to the spot, unable to tear themselves away, not that they wanted to.

He grasped the cold handle of the door, and pushed it open.

Logan heaved and grunted as he struggled against the rope that had tied his arms in place, struggling against it was largely useless as he already knew. But there wasn’t a chance that he was going to give up on it, not when he had been left like this. Not since he could and would still struggle, not since they had clearly forgotten about him.

The sound of the door opening made his attention snap up from the rope in a hurry, he flexed his aching fingers, ready to strangle the hell out of whoever showed their face to him first. However, the sight of the muted blue color made him completely freeze in surprise, as Empathy strolled forward his expression closed off, but there was no mistaking the color that actually stayed with Empathy.

“You’re back.” The bare whisper from Logan barely earned him an eyebrow raise as Empathy stalked closer and closer to the logical side, he barely noticed the flinch that his close presence garnered, or the wince as he rolled his fingers through Logan’s messy tousled hair. Logan felt the warmth of Empathy hand moving lower until it firmly grasped his chin, the logical side remained as stiff as a board and as clenched up as a spring in a wind-up toy. Empathy’s smile is as cold as ice, as his thumb drifts lazily over Logan’s cheek, still holding his chin tight.

“That’s enough Logan, it’s time for you to stop this.”

And just like that the fear, or whatever it was that had been keeping Logan as still as possible under Empathy’s gaze, was shattered. Logan jerked his head back, attempting to pry Empathy’s hand from his face with what little mobility he had left, being tied up.

“It’s enough when I say its enough!” He spat out, spit flying from his mouth, Empathy’s grip was crushing him now. As Logan turned his head away, even as the other’s grip was like iron, his fingers digging into the flesh of Logan’s face.

“No,” Empathy’s expression darkened as his other hand grasped at the bottle hanging around his neck, “It’s his.” Pulling it from around his throat he let it hang in front of Logan’s face. Panic flashed in Logan’s eyes at the sight of it, and his struggles renewed, even more, this time, he was squirming around even harder this time, pulling his head back away from the bottle. As if just touching it would be his undoing.

“And leave him alone with those assholes?! No thanks!”

It was with one final jerk that Logan finally managed to get his face free of Empathy’s grasp, his teeth snapping at the fingers as well as the hand that had been holding his chin captive. His teeth chomped down on Empathy’s pointer finger, and reaction that it got him was almost immediate.

As Empathy snatched Logan up by his hair giving it a painful tug as he jerked it to the side, and Logan felt himself shiver as Empathy’s eyes burned with rage as he stared down at him.

“This. Choice. Isn’t. Yours.” Empathy softly snarled, lowering his face close to Logan’s as he gave another light tug of the logical side’s hair, dangling the bottle in front of him once again. In spite of what he had said and just how he had said it, Empathy felt his own grip slackening at the pure unadulterated fear that now reflected in Logan’s eyes, as they flickered down to the bottle and then back to Empathy’s face. Silently pleading...no begging him not to do this, to not force him to take this part of him back.

Meeting Empathy’s eyes, Logan winced again, this time tightly closing his eyes, as if bracing himself for the rush of feelings that would suddenly come from this.

Fear, Logan was... afraid of this?

Just like that, the rage that had swelled inside of Empathy like a volcano about to erupt, abruptly drained out of him. Leaving him empty and hollow as he stared down at Logan’s terrified face.

How had he missed it?

“Logan,” Empathy whispered, completely losing his grip on Logan as he gingerly dragged his fingers over the logical side’s cheek, he moved downward, now kneeling before the other. As he gave a regretful squeeze of the other’s knee, a trickle of relief washed over his heart as he saw Logan cracking one of his eyes open to glance back down at Empathy, who was kneeling before him like a knight would kneel before his kind. “Logan,” He whispered again, sorrow tinging his voice. “ I will not let it happen. He is safe with me, I won’t let either of you get hurt again. I swear on it.” Empathy promised, reaching up to lovingly cradle Logan’s cheek. “I swear on it, on our entire relationship. Just...trust me.”

With Empathy’s pleading gaze looking up into his own, Logan felt his iron resolve beginning to crumble away, as the warmth of Empathy’s hand grazed his face. How long had it been since Empathy had been back? How long since he had felt a difference from the icy touch of Apathy, and Empathy? Too long.

“Then..untie me.” Logan sighed, arguing with Empathy was like fighting an uphill battle against himself, Empathy knew him, Empathy knew him better than anyone ever had. Fighting him was as painful as it was useless.

When the ropes finally dropped from around him, Logan groaned thankfully as he rugged his arms where the rope had started to rub him raw. He winced as his fingers ran over the raw areas, it was going to take a while for it to heal. For all of it to heal.

Still, a promise was a promise, and so reaching forward he plucked the tiny bottle from Empathy’s hands, feeling the other’s fingers ghosting over the rope burns that had been left behind. Looking past the other side, he glowered at the sides lingering just at the doorway, his dark expression turning serious the longer that he looked at them.

“Don’t screw up again.” It wasn’t advice, not coming from him. It was a warning. Next time, if they screwed up like they had this time...then he wouldn’t be leaving.

Looking down at the tiny cracked bottle in his hands, Logan heaved out a sigh as his thumb brushed over one of the cracks. He hoped that he would never see this bottle again, and with that, he pulled the top off.

Empathy moved quickly as soon as Logan went limp, finally allowing the other’s to rush in, crowding around Logan.

As dark, pitch black eyes turned from black to brown once again.

Chapter Text

Upon waking up, all Logan felt was an ungodly ache that traversed throughout his entire body, everything down from the strands of his hair to his toenails ached like he had just run in a fifteen-mile relay. It hurt to even open his eyes, and yet somehow he managed to do just that, as he cracked them open slowly. The darkness of Virgil’s room was like aloe on an absolutely awful sunburn as he finally opened them completely, turning his head, the sight of the four of them looming over him made him jump in his skin.

Empathy exhaled softly, relief cloaking his face as he moved closer easing Logan up into a sitting position. The warm vibrant brown eyes that stared back at him, made his heart warm and butterflies flurry around in his stomach. Logan was alright, this was his Logan.

Finally back in the flesh.

“How do you feel?” Virgil tentatively asked, fiddling with the frayed ends of his shirt as Logan’s gaze drifted over to him, focusing momentarily before a look of unforgettable heartbreak settled over his face. The anxious side felt himself shift nervously as Logan’s saddened stare drifted on over to Roman, where it stayed.

“You were supposed to stop me...no matter what,” Logan whispered, and just like that, with one simple sentence Roman felt his heart shatter into a thousand single solitary pieces.

All Roman could do was shake his head at Logan’s words, the tears of regret swam in the creative side’s eyes as he met Logan’s eyes. “I couldn’t, I told you that I couldn’t do it.” He whispered out, practically choking on each word, as the broken down expression of Logan did nothing to help his own state. The look of confusion that spread onto Empathy’s face, did absolutely nothing to help the matter either.

“What is he talking about? Stop him how?” Empathy sharply asked, resting his hand on Logan's knee as he directed his attention to Roman, his sharp gaze pierced the princely side’s chest. The silence between them stretched thin as Empathy’s patience started to wear with it. “Answer me! Stop him how?!” Empathy shouted out, even though he was certain that he already knew the answer. The answer that he couldn’t bear to believe.

“He…” Roman swallowed, as he directed his gaze downward for a moment, he looked uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as Logan who looked away from the others. Shame burning in his eyes. “With a knife.”

Empathy’s head snapped over to Logan, a look of absolute horror dawning on his face, the color drained away from his face leaving him pale. Nausea rolled around in his stomach, like a tornado tearing through the trees at the mental image this news gave him.

Logan on the floor, surrounded in a halo of red, as his eyes that would never again look at him warmly. Turned dim and hazy no longer seeing the wonders of the world around him, no longer asking questions in his curious way and no longer spouting out facts about the natural world and the stars above it. His touch that would grow cold no longer pulling him in for a hug, and his lips that would never again form a smile that was reserved for him and him alone.

Logan, dead. Logan, no longer existing and simply ceasing to be.

A cold shiver rolled down Empathy’s spine, the world would be cold without Logan’s smile and curiosity to give it light and warm it up.

Without even thinking, Empathy clambered onto the couch next to Logan, drawing himself closer to him. “No...no my darling dew.” Empathy rasped out cupping Logan’s cheeks, making the logical side look him dead in the eyes. Their faces were just inches from one another, “No, I am here. There is no need to fear.” He whispered once more, his thumb drifting over Logan’s cheek caressing it with the softest of touches.

What happened next dumbfounded Roman as well as all of the others.

As Logan gingerly leaned in just the tiniest bit with Empathy leaning in as well. Their lips brushed together in the kind of soft delicate kiss that only someone afraid of being touched could do, it was short, sweet, and tender. Lasting just a few seconds before they pulled away, with Logan resting his forehead upon Empathy’s shoulder.

“They’re watching us,” Logan muttered, just the tiniest tinge of amusement mixed with a healthy dose of annoyance clear in his voice, and Empathy looked up taking in Roman’s expression. With how the creative side’s mouth had dropped open in pure shock. Virgil’s silently stunned expression, with his eyes wider than what would be considered normal. And Patton, who just looked like Christmas had come early for him, as he was grinning at the two of them, his hands raised slightly over his mouth as his eyes lit up with glee. At least someone knew how to react well to things.

“Since when have you two been together?!” Roman instinctively blurted out, ignoring the swat on his arm that Patton gave to him, and Logan tiredly shrugged, the very action seeming to exhaust him at this point. Then again, they had all been through a lot.

“I knew him from before he was Apathy, and our relationship largely stayed the same, aside from a few differences, even when he was no longer Empathy. It was expected that some things would have to change, but overall…” Logan’s eyes glanced up at Empathy, a softness there that Roman had never seen before. “We took care of each other.”

Roman tried not to look disappointed, he tried, and instead fixed a rather fake, but happy smile onto his face as Empathy helped Logan to stand. So that they could instead move their talk out into the living room, rather than lingering in within the anxious atmosphere of Virgil’s room.

A cup of tea rested in front of them, with Logan’s being the most full as he rested his head atop Empathy’s shoulders, his eyes drifting shut every now and then. He stayed awake enough to hear their conversations, and awake enough to feel the warmth of Empathy’s hand curling around his middle. Keeping him comfortable and safe.

“So you’re staying?” Roman asked, his mask of happiness firmly staying in place in front of the others, and Empathy nodded in reply.

“I will not be leaving Logan alone again, so you are in fact correct about that.” Empathy’s grin was sharp, his deep blue eyes staring daggers right back into Roman’s very soul. Nobody seemed to notice, aside from the two of them, like a silent staring match between two territorial dogs.

Empathy broke the stare though, as he glanced down into his cup, noting that it was mostly empty, a crooked smile curled on the ends of his lips. “I seem to be all out of your lovely tasting tea Patton, please excuse me.” He pardoned himself, allowing Logan to lay comfortably down on the loveseat before he dragged a blanket over the weary logical side. A soft kiss to the top of Logan’s head had Roman grinning cheerily, even if his smile was way too wide.

“Me too.” The creative side happily chirped, the remains of his tea sloshing around in his cup, it was half full, nowhere near to empty, and yet he stood following Empathy into the kitchen after a moment giving the other time to get comfortable before he joined him.

Upon getting there, he found Empathy just about as relaxed as could be, sipping at his piping hot cup of tea with his back casually leaning against the counter. Another sharp and deadly smile aimed his way, Empathy knew...of course Empathy knew what he was feeling.

“You better not hurt him.” Roman hotly warned his stance wide and almost threatening in a way, jealousy ran through his veins like lava shooting out of a volcano. Just as hot and just as deadly.  “Take care of him.” He added, pointing his finger accusingly at the other side as Empathy slowly set his cup onto the counter next to him. Empathy’s smile widened, it was a shark-like smile. The smile of a predator.

“But of course Creativity,” Empathy drawled slowly, pressing his hand against his own chest in an almost mocking display of a dramatic flair that Roman knew all too well.

“I’m not you.”